Making the decision to be sober at a party when you’re a regular drinker is a tough one. You get tired, you realise that you hate all music (is it always this loud?!) and all your friends have turned into the most annoying versions of themselves. Before you give up on your Oct-sober attempt (or whatever you’re putting yourself through this hell for) remind yourself that there are people who are sober all the time and they do just fine. Try these tips the next time you attempt being the only one not drinking at an event.
Choose wisely Let’s be real, some parties are so fun when you’ve had a few drinks but when you’re sober they’re just awkward (I’m looking at you, techno parties). Instead of attempting to dance to music you actually hate step back and ask yourself if it’s even worth going. If you know you will struggle to have fun while sober rather give it a miss. Other things that should never be attempted while sober include events where you know you’ll run into your ex, any party that involves a strobe light, and hen parties (no one should have to sip a virgin mojito through a straw shaped like a penis).
Always hold a drink Drunk people feel uncomfortable when you’re not drinking as well. Avoid weird peer pressure (which is weirdly still a thing outside of high school) by making sure you’re always holding a drink. It can be tonic sans gin or even just water. While everyone else is getting drunk you’ll be getting hydrated AF.
Get your kicks from caffeine Drinking alcohol gives you the ability to stay up until 3am no problem, but take it out of the equation and you’re yawning by 11pm. If you’re dedicated to having fun you need to up your energy levels some other way, and pretending to enjoy listening to a drunk person talk about their start-up is tiring work so you need all the extra help you can get. Have a Redbull without the vodka (it’s going to taste weird but push through) or a coffee (have this before the party because hot beverages around drunk people is never a good idea).
Keep your sobriety quiet It might be your instinct to immediately inform people you talk to that you are sober in an effort to apologise for your boringly sober personality but rather don’t do it. It will either make your friends do the peer-pressuring thing (why do you hang out with these people again?) or make them hyper aware of their own drunkenness and not want to hang out with you because they feel uncomfortable. Also it’s just a boring topic of conversation; chat about something more exciting like how many steps you’ve taken on your FitBit today or whether they’ve watched Cowspiracy yet.
Get involved We drink to let loose, so doing this while sober is going to require a bit more effort. Drunk people don’t have inhibitions, so this is the perfect opportunity for you to lose yours. Think of this as the perfect opportunity to let your freak flag fly and not feel embarrassed about it in the morning because firstly no one will remember and secondly you’re not wasted so it’ll be a cute level of freaky, not the vomit-on-yourself-in-front-of-everyone kind.
Don’t let your sobriety make you the responsible one When you’re sober you’re more aware of what’s going on around you. Don’t stress that those glasses are going to leave a ring on that wooden table, don’t take it upon yourself to be the one who has to help whoever managed to spill red wine on their top use white wine to get it out and don’t feel the need to be the voice of reason. Unless you see something actually dangerous happening let your guard down and don’t let yourself assume the role of The Responsible One. You’re not at the party to be everyone’s mom (unless it’s like the cool mom who hands out condoms because condoms are always good).
Embrace that smug feeling At any moment where you find yourself looking wistfully at someone’s freshly poured draught or don’t have the drunken energy to join in as your friends sing along to Summer of ’69 give yourself a pat on the back. You’re saving money, you’re not drinking empty calories and you’re going to feel great tomorrow. This feeling should last you a good few minutes, after which you’re allowed to just go home if you’re not having fun.
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