#AskAthena: 'How Do I Gain More Self Confidence?'

‘Self-esteem is built on the labels we give ourselves but labelling in itself is unhelpful’

Our self-help columnist Athena Laz is a licensed psychologist and the author of ‘You’ve Got This’. She’s here to help you create a life that lights you up! You can see her work here.


Hey Athena!

Do you have any tools or tips to increase self-esteem?

Thanks, Fatima.


Dear Fatima,

Yes I do and that is to ditch self-esteem entirely and rather move towards self-acceptance! Self-esteem is based on a rating system. Either you feel worthy or unworthy. Or you have good self-esteem or bad self-esteem. In other words, you are always rating your value and with it up and down your self-esteem goes. For example: if your good self-esteem is based on having a great job and you lose that job – out goes your good sense of self-worth.

‘Self-esteem is built on the labels we give ourselves but labelling in itself is unhelpful’

If you have a strong sense of self, you understand that your value is intrinsic and you never base your sense of self-worth on anything outside of you. Not your looks, not your relationships, not your money.

‘Unconditional self-acceptance means untangling your self-worth from external measures of your value as a person’

You have worth because you exist and cultivating who you are without your labels is a great place to start. You can watch the video below where I share more tips and tools to develop more self-acceptance and feel amazing.

5 Steps to Rocking Self-Acceptance

  1. Understand that you cannot and shouldn’t judge the WHOLE of who you are by the labels you place onto yourself.
  2. Recognize global labels for the thinking errors that they are.
  3. All humans are imperfect and that includes you – so stop beating yourself up about the things that you think you could do better.
  4. Work on any shame or guilt associated with the aspects of yourself that you feel are not good enough.
  5. Practice self-care.

Take care,

Athena Laz


You can follow Athena on Instagram here and see more of her work at Athenalaz.com.  You can also receive her free audio course, designed to help you develop positive self-talk. If you have a question for Athena e-mail  her here.

Read more mind health

More From

Health & Fitness

Health & Fitness 07 Mar 2019 SHARE
Here’s How to Stop Your Period From Coming If You’re Sick of This Sh*t Every Month
Health & Fitness 07 Mar 2019 SHARE
17 Anxiety Quotes That Will Help Calm You Down
Health & Fitness 19 Feb 2019 SHARE
8 Questions You Should Ask Before Getting the Contraceptive Injection