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I Just Took Lizzo‘s DNA Test. Turns Out, I‘m Only 63% That Bitch

Whatever, I’m still my own soul mate.

Lizzo was right when she said the truth hurts. The flute-wielding songstress fresh off the best VMAs performance of the year (or ever, who’s to say?), has partnered with Spotify help us plebs discover for ourselves if we are 100% That Bitch. Buzzfeed is shaking.

I’m going to tell you the hard facts right now: You aren’t. I took the quiz assuming, like with most of Lizzo’s tweets and performances, that I’d walk away from this with a perfect score and a pep in my step. Our girl is all about spreading self-love and confidence. After all, aren’t we all That Bitch in our hearts? NO.

Now I’m cryin’, cuz I am just a regular bitch. Although, to be fair, now that I know that you can score below 100%, my results seem slightly high for the Dunkin’ Donuts iced coffee year-round girl that I am.

Anyway, here’s how the quiz goes. You start by taking a selfie (or uploading a pre-approved picture of yourself if you’re a coward) and you’re off!

Then the questions start rolling in. The multiple-choice Qs range from ‘How do you feel about relationships?’ to ‘How did you break up with your last ex?’ to ‘Do you play tag?’ My answers to those: ‘living single,’ ‘face-to-face,’ and ‘bitch, I been It.’

 I chose “take selfies then go cry” because I’m honest.

As you can see, there are only 10 questions. It took literally two minutes of my entire life. And the results are…drumroll, please…

As you can see, there are only 10 questions. It took literally two minutes of my entire life. And the results are…drumroll, please…

image

…..WTF?

I’m 63% That Bitch. What do I have to do for the other 37%? Drop a collab with Missy?

TBH, I was kind of crushed. I’m no longer feelin’ good as hell. In fact, I will never be able to belt ‘Truth Hurts” with the confidence of a woman who don’t fuck with lies ever again. At least I’m not alone. One Cosmo staffer refused to take the quiz because she was already having a bad day. Another wrote, and I quote, ‘I’d literally rather share my credit score than the result I got on this thing.’ In fact, the baddest bitch in our office took the crown with only 79% Bad Bitchdom.

So, can anyone actually get a perfect score? I decided to test the quiz by uploading a pic of Lizzo and answering questions using only her lyrics and facts I know about her. Some examples:

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SCREENSHOT
image
SCREENSHOT
image
SCREENSHOT

Well, guess what? Lizzo herself is only 66% That Bitch!

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SCREENSHOT

I felt good about this until yet another colleague suggested that the quiz could sense I was trying too hard. Touché. Excuse me while I re-listen to ‘Soulmate’ for the hundredth time to make myself feel better.

Take the quiz for yourself, over here

This post originally appeared on Cosmo US

Read more Celebs

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