You’ve heard the dating war stories: A blossoming love match suddenly goes bust and the woman is left standing there with a befuddled (not so cute) look on her face. Not to point fingers, but it’s sometimes the result of a girl unwittingly accelerating the relationship pace… and sending her man into a panic. ‘When a woman hits it off with a guy early on, she assumes that their chemistry translates into an instant emotional bond,’ says Dr James Houran, psychologist. ‘But rushing intimacy makes guys anxious, leading them to break things off.’ To prevent your man from bolting, study these take-it-slow tips from guys.
‘After two amazing dates with this really cool girl, I thought we would eventually get serious,’ recalls Edward*, 34. ‘But over the next few weeks, she began leaving her personal items around my flat whenever she slept over: tampons, DVDs, even clothes. I started worrying that she was going to ask me for a key to the front door. It freaked me out so much, I stopped seeing her.’
Dropping your belongings off at your new man’s flat might seem benign… to you. But to the average guy, it signals domesticity, and no man is ready for the ‘D bomb’ quite so early on. ‘When you stash stuff at his house, you’re letting him know that you plan to be there on a regular basis,’ explains psychologist and life coach, Dr Janice D. Bennett. ‘He interprets this to mean that you’ve carved out a permanent spot in his life. Since many guys get nervous thinking so far into the future, he’s likely to slam the brakes on your union.’
Of course, we’re not saying you can’t bring necessities like your toothbrush and clean underwear when you spend the night at his home… as long as you don’t stow it in his medicine cabinet or cupboard. But if you pass the three-month mark without a drawer of your own, bring up the issue by asking, ‘Hey, is there a place where I can keep a few essentials? It seems silly to keep carting contact-lens solution between flats.’ Once you clue him in, a worthy guy will make the room.
*Names have been changed