Real Boy Bloopers
Cosmo Editor

Real Boy Bloopers

- Cosmo Editor

Think you’ve heard it all? These guy confessions top the charts of dodgy…

Horrorscope

‘I was reading horoscopes with my girlfriend of more than seven months, and after she read my horoscope, she asked me to read hers out loud. I started reading the Virgo horoscope, but she interrupted me and asked, "Wait, when’s my birthday?" I nervously replied, "August 30th." She said, "No, that’s Diana’s birthday." I had confused her birthday with that of our mutuaI friend – whom I used to sleep with. I was in the doghouse for quite some time after that.’
- Eric*, 19

His Confess Mess
‘All my buddies were hanging out when I was on the phone with my long-distance girlfriend. She and l said our goodbyes, and then l began telling my friends the raunchy details of my hookup with another girl at a party the night before. All of a sudden, we heard my girlfriend screaming from the other end of my cell phone. l hung up on her… and when l finally called her back, l acted like nothing was wrong. l proceeded to tell her that she must have mistaken one of my friends’ voices for mine. She totally believed it.’
- James*, 26

Breakup Bastard
‘l had been seeing this girl for a few months and decided l just wasn’t that into her. I hate breaking up with people and figured l’d simply stop calling her. My friends told me that was a bad move, but I just couldn’t face her. For a week straight, she kept calling me, SMSing me, and saying she needed to talk to me. Finally, l decided to write her an e-mail. I told her that l didn’t think things would work out and that she should really stop calling me so much. A few minutes later, l got a SMS from her that said: "Got your e-mail. I was calling to tell you that my grandma died and l really needed a shoulder to cry on. You’re a douche." l felt so horrible. Even worse was that we had a few mutual friends who crapped me out after that.’
- Andrew*, 26

Shower Scum
‘l like to keep my boys clean and smooth. Over the years, I’ve found that female shaving creams and razors are way more gentle than the stuff they make for guys. l usually keep them hidden in my cabinet. One night, l invited this extremely hot girl over to hang out. We started getting it on and then moved things into the shower. Suddenly, she started cracking up. l looked at the shelf and realised l’d forgotten to hide my shaving stuff. She totally started busting my balls. Mortified, l made up an excuse and said they didn’t belong to me, but that totally backfired – she thought l had a lot of girls in my shower. She quickly jumped out of the shower, dried off, and left.’
- Tony*, 23

Dirty-Talk Disaster
‘My best friend’s mom broke her cell phone, so l gave her my old one to use. l made sure to delete all my SMS’s and pictures before giving it to her – there were things on there that l didn’t want her to see. A few days later, l got a call from her, laughing hysterically and asking who Julia is. Julia was a holiday hookup who had called me late one night and wanted to talk dirty. l had been a little drunk and decided to record the conversation. Apparently, when l deleted the SMS’s and pictures from my phone, I completely forgot about the raunchy audio clip l’d saved.’
- Graham*, 24

*Names have been changed

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