Losers Deluxe (Part One)
Cosmo Editor

Losers Deluxe (Part One)

- Cosmo Editor

From porn presentations to breaking and entering, real guys spill on their most embarrassing moments.

Fall Of Shame
‘One night, I was out having a good time with my friends when this hot girl we were with dared me to jump over a wall. I wasn’t going to do it, but then she said she had cleared it easily, and I wanted to impress her. I didn’t want to look like a wuss, so I manned up and went for it. I, of course, hit it and fell-face first-onto the pavement. My face was scraped up for the next couple of months. To make matters worse, she told me afterwards that she hadn’t really made the leap herself… and I was stupid enough to believe it.’
- Neil*, 22

Wild Things
‘I once went on a camping trip with a girlfriend, and it was really romantic. One thing led to another, and we ended up getting it on. It was amazing! But the next thing we knew, the camp rangers had come to our tent, which we had accidentally left open. We got our clothes on just in time and tried to play it cool. Apparently, our neighbours in the camping area had heard screaming and thought someone was hurt. My girlfriend was totally blushing, so the camp rangers figured out exactly what had been going on.’
- Shane*, 35

YouPerv.com
‘I had to make my first presentation at work and was really nervous, but it was going surprisingly well. I had brought in my personal laptop to do the presentation because I had everything saved on that computer. I got through all my PowerPoint slides and just had to show a YouTube video to finish. When I typed in the link for the video demonstration, everyone started laughing. I looked up at the screen to find that I’d accidentally clicked on a YouPorn link I had saved in my browser instead of YouTube link – in front of all my co-workers.’
- Andre*, 22

Park-n-Ride
‘One night, after I went on a date with my girlfriend, my house-mates wanted to meet up and go out to a bar together. But when I pulled into the parking lot of my flat, my girlfriend suggested we fool around in the car, instead. I wasn’t about to argue with her, so I sent a message to my buddies and told them to go on without me. After some awesome car sex, we finally went upstairs. When we opened the door to my flat, everyone was laughing. I tried just laughing with them, but they didn’t stop. Finally, one of my house-mates yelled, "Took you long enough!" Apparently, everyone had seen my car pull into the parking lot half an hour earlier- as well as me stepping on the brake lights every time I got, um, excited.’
- Andrew*, 23

Intruder Alert
‘I was visiting some friends at a nearby university, and we spent the entire night bar- hopping. I guess I had a little too much fun, because somehow I became separated from the group and got back to the apartment complex after everyone else. When I knocked on the door, no one answered. My friends and I often play pranks on one another, so I used my credit card to jimmy the lock – they’d shown me how easy it was to break in before. When I got inside, I saw a woman standing in front of her family, clearly petrified. I’d gone into the wrong apartment, and she thought I was robbing them! Luckily, she didn’t call the cops, but I had to go back the next day to get my wallet and keys, which had fallen out of my pocket. I’ve never apologised to someone so many times.’
- Thabo*, 22

*Names have been changed

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