It’s advice you read everywhere – the number one rule of amazing sex is to talk to your partner about your sex life. The only problem is, conversation about matters of the bedroom isn’t always easy, especially if it’s something you feel kind of shy about. After all, you don’t want your partner to feel like you aren’t satisfied at all. Here’s how to talk about your sex life without freaking out (or freaking your partner out).
1. Be casual if you can. You don’t have to seat him across from you at the dining room table before declaring, ‘We need to talk about our sex life.’ It often really is as simple as saying, ‘That doesn’t feel so good; try doing it like this instead’ in the middle of the act.
2. Never discuss sex after having sex. Unless you only have awesome things to say, confessing that you’re disappointed about your sex life should ideally happen, well, any time but two minutes after having sex. In fact, sometimes the best place to discuss sex is (far, far) outside the bedroom.
3. Don’t play the blame game. If your sex life isn’t pleasing you, the worst thing you can do is make your partner feel like it’s his fault. It takes two to tangle (heh heh), after all. It would be very unfair on your partner to make him feel terrible for the sake of an orgasm. Just describe what you feel is the problem, and ask your partner if he agrees and has noticed it, too. There you go! The floor is successfully open for discussion.
4. Bring up the things you like, too. There must be something about your sex life that turns you on, and your partner needs to hear it. Show appreciation for the things you like while also discussing the things you’d like to change.
5. If something really doesn’t feel good during sex, try to approach the situation in a positive way. Instead of being all, ‘Uh, stop doing that now,’ rather say, ‘You know what I’d love for you to do to me right now?’ It implies that you’re not super into what’s going down without explicitly saying those words. Also, asking for what you want is hot.
6. Be specific when you’re talking about sex. Certain words mean different things to different people. Maybe to him the word ‘rough’ means lightly tugging at your hair, but when you say ‘I like it rough’ you’re referring to something a little more, um, edgy. Get more specific by asking open-ended questions about what’s working and what isn’t.
7. Remember – you’re not being weird by wanting to talk about it. And, if he loves you like he says he does, he’ll be happy to engage in the conversation with you to make your sex life the best it can be.