You’ll cringe, and then crack up, after reading these true stories of the most memorable booty bloopers doctors and nurses have ever seen.
‘A hysterical woman came into the emergency room. She said she had a fight with her boyfriend while sitting in his parked car. She said she had gotten so mad at him that she pulled the key out of the ignition and put it in her vagina so he couldn’t drive home! Now, she couldn’t locate the key to get it out. I couldn’t find it either; so we concluded that it must have fallen out somewhere near her boyfriend’s car’.
‘A man explained that his girlfriend had tried to take his temperature rectally and "lost" the thermometer. I could actually see the glass tip poking out of his rear end, so I got a padded clamp and gently began pulling. It was a thermometer all right, but one for a fish tank – more than 30 centimetres long!’
‘I was assigned to examine a patient with stomach pain. The woman turned out to be my high school classmate, but instead of being happy to see me, she was mortified. She confessed she wasn’t suffering from stomach pain but had gotten something "stuck". Hours earlier, she’d microwaved a frozen hot dog to use as a sex toy. But heating it had softened the hot dog, and it broke off inside her. I removed it, though I doubt she’ll look me in the eye at our next reunion.’
‘A young couple came in with this story: During sex, the woman had grabbed a medium-size rubber ball and inserted it into her man’s back door. The ball became lodged so high in his rectum, they couldn’t get it out… and neither could we! The attending doctor contacted a surgeon, but while we were waiting for him to arrive, the man began coughing. The ball came flying out of his butt with enough velocity to ping around the room and it hit the just-arriving surgeon in the head.’