Boys Bare All (Part One)
Cosmo Editor

Boys Bare All (Part One)

- Cosmo Editor

Yoh-yoh-yoh! Real guys reveal their most cringeworthy moments.

Slam, Bam, Thank You, Ma’am!
‘When I finally found the courage to ask out the girl I liked, I wanted everything to go perfectly. The last guy she’d dated was a douche, and I was determined to show her that I was a good guy. I took her to a fancy restaurant. The dinner went really well, and I could tell she was into me. In the parking lot, I put my arm around her and gave her a kiss. It was a great way to end the evening. I opened her car door to score bonus points for being a gentleman, let her in, then shut it. Suddenly, she let out a scream, and I realised that I’d slammed her hand in the door. We found out later in the hospital that she’d fractured three fingers.’
- Terrence*, 30

Long-Distance Disaster
‘My girlfriend studied abroad during her first year. We couldn’t talk on the phone very much so we chatted online. Soon that turned into cyber-sex. I would often save our conversations on my laptop as inspiration for my solo action. One afternoon, my friend used my computer while I was in class. He must have found the messages because the next day they were posted all over res and the dining hall with my photo attached. No one let me live down the fact that I called my girl’s intimate area a ‘beautiful iris.’
- Leo*, 22

Alley Oops
‘I was walking through the city and I had to wee, but every shop I went into had toilets for customers only. After an hour, I couldn’t hold it any longer. I turned into an alley, unzipped, and started to pee. Just then, I heard someone. I looked up and saw a policeman standing there. It’s not too comfortable for a guy to stop peeing once he’s started, so I kept going. The officer said, ‘I’ll just wait here till you’re finished.’ I stood there taking a leak in front of a policeman while people walked by. And the worst part? He gave me a ticket for R1 200.’
- Aiex*, 19

Hindsight Snafu
‘I had been dating this girl for three months, and it was going great until my buddy’s bachelor party. After hitting the bars we went to a tattoo parlour, where the husband-to-be got the bride’s name on his shoulder. I don’t drink a lot, so l was wasted and decided to get my girl’s name tattooed on my bum cheek. The next morning I totally regretted it. I tried to hide it from her, but she saw the tattoo when I got out of the shower. She freaked and broke up with me, saying I was moving too fast.’
- James*, 27

Hide and Peep
‘I went to a house party with some friends and this girl I really liked. After a while, I announced to my boys that I was going to lose my virginity to her that night. Later, the girl and I went upstairs to the guest room and started hooking up. She was on top of me, and I wanted to show her that I knew what I was doing, so I gave her a slap on the bum. All of a sudden, I heard ‘Daaamn!’ Turns out, two of my friends had hidden in the cupboard when they saw the girl and me heading upstairs. They witnessed the whole thing, and I gained quite a reputation as an S-and-M master.’
- Kyle*, 21

*Names have been changed

>>>Go To Part Two

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