Boy Balls Ups
Cosmo Editor

Boy Balls Ups

- Cosmo Editor

Guys confess their real-life blunders.

If The Shoe Fits
‘I was staying at my girlfriend’s flat after a night out on the town with my friends. In the middle of the night I woke up hungry and decided to duck out to the one-stop-shop. When I couldn’t find my shoes I quickly threw on my girlfriend’s fuzzy, pink slippers, figuring I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew. But as I was crossing the street, I spotted a few of my co-workers. I tried to duck out of their view, but it was too late – they waved awkwardly to me as I went into the shop. I can only imagine what they were thinking, seeing me walking around at 2am in Muppet shoes.’
- Jack*, 22

Bit Of a Balls Up
‘l was meeting my girlfriend’s family for the first time at a braai. When her dad and uncles suggested a game of touch rugby, I knew it was my opportunity to impress. When I saw my chance to intercept the ball from her uncle, I ran at him and was just about to tag him when I lost my balance and accidentally charged, knocking him over and landing on him. He screamed, and when I got up, he was clutching his knee. He ended up going to the hospital for surgery. I still feel like an idiot every time I see him.’
- Vincent*, 26

Kicking And Screaming
‘I was playing soccer with some of my varsity friends one weekend, and a girl l really liked joined us. I was trying to get her attention by showing off my skills, but she kept putting me to shame with fancy footwork and some terrific headers. At the end of the first half, she and l were standing on the field together when the ball bounced way up in the air and started heading straight for us. I went to kick the ball just as she went up to head-butt it, and l ended up kicking her right between the legs. It was absolutely horrendous. She limped off to the university’s medical centre, and l faked a foot injury just to get the hell out of there.’
- Bongi*, 19

His Name’s Mud
‘It was pouring with rain, and the lecture I’d been in had just finished. My friend offered to drive me back to my house so l wouldn’t have to walk home in the rain. I had to go down a hill and cross a field to get to his car, and l decided to make a mad dash for it – but as soon as my feet touched the ground, I completely lost my footing. Books and paper went flying, and l violently rolled down the steep muddy hill, destroying my clothes. When l came to a stop, I looked up to see the girls’ netball team doubled over in laughter. I got up, humiliated, and bolted to my friend’s car. When I made it, not only was he cracking up, but he also refused to let me in because my muddy clothes would "ruin the leather". I walked home covered in slimy mud.’
- Colin*, 20

Down & Dirty
‘My girlfriend and I were leaving a party and started kissing as we walked to her car. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. The street was dark and deserted and there was a garbage bin in the driveway, so I sat her on the edge of it and we started having sex. Suddenly, the lid collapsed and she fell in. I had to pull her out of the stinking trash. She was so embarrassed that she insisted we leave right away, leaving her shoes behind in the bin. We didn’t go back to get them until the morning when we were sure no one was around.’
- Andrew*, 27

*Names have been changed

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