Big Boy Blunders (Part One)

Why it’s unwise to put your girlfriend on speakerphone at work – and other guy gaffes.

Why it’s unwise to put your girlfriend on speakerphone at work – and other guy gaffes.

For a Good Time, Call…
‘My boss came into my office with an important client who had questions about a project. We had an inquiry for a co-worker at another office, so he asked me to turn on the speakerphone and make the call. I had the number saved on speed-dial, so I just pushed the button. I was a little surprised when a woman picked up and said, "Hi, sexy, I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do to you tonight." I immediately recognised the voice to be my girlfriend’s – I had accidently hit her speed-dial number instead of my co-worker’s. The client looked really uncomfortable, and my boss was furious.’
– Andrew*, 23

Dirty Laundry
‘I dropped by my girlfriend’s house one night while her mom was at work. We started messing around on the bed, but when her dog started barking, we realised her mom was home and walking up the stairs. I wasn’t supposed to be there, so my girlfriend told me to hide in the cupboard behind some laundry bags. I sat in there silently while her mom came into the room. My girl made casual conversation, but then her mom said she needed to find a pair of pyjamas that she had left in the cupboard. My girl stammered and tried to come up with an excuse for why she shouldn’t look there. Before I knew it her mom had lifted up the bags, and I was exposed. She screamed, "Who is that? Taariq?!" I was so embarrassed, I couldn’t even say anything. I just crawled out of the cupboard and left.’
– Taariq*, 18

Cruisin’ For a Bruisin’
‘I’m not normally a huge Tom Cruise fan, but one night I was home alone and caught Risky Business on TV. After watching it, I was bored, so I dug up a pair of tightie-whities and threw on some shades and a white shirt. I started dancing around my house in that outfit and white athletic socks. I was running really fast through the kitchen, trying to do the perfect slide across the floor, when I lost balance and tripped. Instead of flying, my body slid across the room and into the wall. I looked up and saw my girlfriend standing in the lounge. She had caught the entire performance and was laughing too hard to help me up.’
– Adam*, 27

Lost In Translation
‘My brother’s a great guy, but he’s seriously lacking in common sense, and occasionally, my sister and I gang up to tease him. During a family dinner, we found his cellphone on the counter while he was in the other room. I grabbed it and changed the phone’s language to Portuguese. He returned to get it, saying he needed to send a message to a girl he’s just started talking to. The look on his face when he opened it and saw strange words everywhere was priceless. He spent three days trying to fix it but was completely unable to navigate his phone. I never told him it was me, and he wound up at the cellphone shop, begging for help.’
– Edward*, 30

Such a Flake
‘For several months, I was taking this medication that made my skin extremely dry, but I was lazy about it and never moisturised or any of that girlie stuff. I was walking back from the gym one day when I ran into an ex-girlfriend I still had feelings for. Mid-conversation, she kind of wrinkled up her nose, and she held her expression like that for a while. Finally, she asked me why I was wearing powder on my face. I guess the dryness was so bad I had white, snow-like flakes all over my skin. I didn’t know if it was worse to wear powder or have incredibly dry skin, so I just blurted out, "Oh crap, I’m late!" and jogged away as swiftly as I could. I haven’t heard from her since.’ – André*, 21

*Names have been changed

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