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9 Rim Job Secrets Guys Won’t Tell You

Have patience, please

1 It Tastes… Earthy

If you’ve never wedged your tongue up in a butt before you might be somewhat shocked to find out it doesn’t taste like actual poop. Assuming you take a bar of soap to your butt every so often (and hopefully, you know, right before he decided to make out with your butt hole) it’s not nearly as extreme as it sounds. There’s still a reason they don’t make butt hole-flavoured sweets, but it doesn’t taste bad.

2 He’s Pretty Much Got ‘Ear The Booty Like Groceries’ Stuck In His Head, Playing Over And Over Like Some 10 Hour YouTube Edit

It’s really hard not to think of that song when you’re mid-butt stuff. What’d guys think of before that Omarion song came out? Nothing. Just silence. Just zen silence.

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3 There Are A Lot Of Techniques For Cunnilingus, But Not As Many For This

There are plenty of ways to go down on a vagina. There are like, two ways to eat a butt. There’s just not as much variety here. Or maybe guys just collectively haven’t been trying hard enough to get creative with this.

4 Heading Straight To The Bathroom For Mouthwash Is Tempting

The real problem is that there’s no way to sexily gargle mouthwash. It would just ruin the mood. (He will do this later, though).

5 Yeah, He’s Got A Really Clear View Of Your Entire… Undercarriage

You shouldn’t feel self-conscious about your body, certainly. But if you’re ruminating over, ‘I wonder if he can see my butt hole really well?’ the answer is yes. The answer to all of your questions is ‘yes’.

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6 It’s Sexy Because It’s A Little Raunchy

Obviously this is a normal and healthy sex thing to do with a partner who’s into it, but it’s a couple steps outside vanilla sex. Half the appeal here is that this it’s a little taboo. It’s like trespassing, but on someone’s butt.

7 Cheek Leverage Is Important

Depending on positioning he really needs to be propping one (or both) of your cheeks open to make sure he really gets in there.

8 Performing ‘Double Duty’ Is Tougher Than It Sounds

For the aforementioned reason, it’s tough for him to pay attention to your butt and vagina. Is it impossible? No. But the positioning just… physically might make that particular skill harder to master. Have patience, please.

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9 He Has A Very Real Fear That You’ll Poop

The fear is real, even if the likelihood isn’t. And you’d probably warn him, right? Right?!! It’s like swimming in the ocean and being worried about a shark attack. There are lifeguards present and it almost definitely won’t happen but it’s still more likely than if you just stayed on the beach.

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This post was originally published on Cosmopolitan.com

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