Relationships, in all their glory, are quite a thing to maintain. Whether it’s with your bestie from University or your boyfriend of four years who’s basically a part of the family, they take work. And so how can we know when a relationship that’s falling to pieces warrants a lot more effort, or if it’s simply time to break up? Here are 7 questions you need to ask yourself to figure it out.
1 Do you dread any interaction with the person?
Anyone who’s ever heard the Sunday evening Carte Blanche theme song knows the feeling of dread all too well. This is totally fine when you’re simply sad to bid farewell to a glorious weekend filled with wine and lazy lunches, but it is not fine if you feel a deep sense of dread every time you’re scheduled to see a particular person. Those feelings of anxiety will only intensify and you deserve more than a life mantra of, ‘Let’s just get this over with’.
2 Does time in their company make you tired or aggravated?
If, once in their space, you feel short-tempered or drained, you should try to identify if it has something to do with you. Did you have a bad day at work or simply feeling frustrated in general? Are you keeping something from your partner/friend and so your feelings of guilt are masquerading as annoyance? Are they simply just driving you insane?
If after this process you feel confident that your feelings are bigger than circumstance and have a deeper rooting, the relationship may have genuinely just run its course.
3 Have you forgotten why you prioritised that relationship in the first place?
If you’re simply longing for the relationship to go back to how it was two weeks ago, speak to your partner/friend and try figure out how to get back to that place. However, if you can’t remember the last time you felt supported, adored or happy with this person, the relationship may already have decayed beyond repair.
4 Do you quickly become bored in their presence?
If you leave your interactions feeling dulled, it might be time to invest your energy in other relationships. Your boredom could also be a sign that you’ve already taken a subtle step away from trying to maintain the relationship and it has therefore lost importance to you.
5 Do you create tasks to avoid them?
If ‘dinner at your mother’s house’ has become the personal equivalent of telling HR you have gastro, then it’s time to own the fact that you’re just plain unhappy.
6 Do your friends or family stop listening when you complain about the specific person?
If there are enough people in your life whose eyes glaze over when you bring up a particular person, it’s probably because you’re beating their patience to death with repetitive issues and complaints. They won’t put up with you for much longer, and there’s a reason they’ve stopped investing themselves in offering you their advice or support. They most likely know it’s not worth it and the relationship you have with the person in question is simply not worth salvaging any more.