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When Your Best Friend Hates Your Partner

Should we be disregarding their concerns?

Years ago I watched a TED Talk where a woman spoke about how strange it is that despite how well our best friend knows us, we often ignore them when they voice their concerns about our romantic relationships. (I have searched and searched and can’t find the TED Talk, forgive me!) But ever since I watched it, I have made a point of asking my closest friends (and mom and sister) how they feel about any partners I bring home. While you shouldn’t value everyone else’s opinion more than your own, should you be disregarding the input of your friends altogether when it comes to love?

A recent Ask Reddit thread got people opening up about why they hate their best friend’s SO.

1 She has caught him messaging other women some pretty naughty things on multiple occasions.

‘I have no doubt he’s cheated on her as well. She keeps giving him chance after chance because she’s afraid of change. I think the last straw, for me, was when she saw that he had messaged a female coworker, “I wish you were laying next to me right now” while he was in bed with his girlfriend (my best friend). So f*cking disrespectful. They now have a house together and I just wish she’d realise she could do a BILLION times better than him.’

2 I don’t approve because the guy is a dick to our whole friend group.

‘And he feels he HAS to be involved in every conversation. He always has a “one-up” story. He also is really controlling of my friend and it makes us all uncomfortable to be around them.’

3 I just don’t think they’re a good fit.

‘They’ve been dating for a year and a half and in couple’s therapy for a year. Like, at that point, how is it worth the effort? You’ve almost put in as much time trying to fix the relationship as you’ve put in the whole thing overall! Just cut your losses.’

4 A friend of mine basically dropped off the face of the earth when he met this girl.

‘I get wanting to spend time with your girlfriend, especially in a new relationship, but this guy had to drop all his hobbies. He dropped all his free-time activities and all his previous social relationships for her. It’s gotten a little better, but he married her and I still only see him a couple of times a year. It’s no surprise to me that pretty much the only hobbies he has now are completely solitary. She seems very good at guiding him towards having no life outside of her.’

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5 Basically, he moved in with my friend WAY too soon.

‘He has relied on her to pay the bills for most of the relationship, and he makes her feel guilty for going anywhere without him.’

6 My best friend got married seven years ago, and I refused to be the maid of honour because her fiancée was disrespectful.

‘It’s a really long story, but once he threw a vase at her in a fight. After a couple of years, I became friends with her again and just kinda forgave her SO. She called me last week to tell me he cheated on her with a prostitute and they are gonna “work on things”. I can’t roll my eyes any harder.’

7 My friend’s wife now controls his phone and Facebook.

‘There is no longer a way to electronically communicate with him without going through her.’

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8  I absolutely despise the guy my friend is dating.

‘She is so in love with him that it blinds her to all of the shit he does. Here is a small fraction of reasons I disapprove:

  • She paid a large amount of money towards his trip to Europe, where he slept with countless girls and made her miserable the entire time he was gone (she knows that he had sex with other girls).
  • They’ve been unofficially “together” for years because he says “being in a relationship is subjective to labels” or some bullshit reason. He only does this so he can be a f*ckboy and sleep with other girls. She doesn’t want to make him be loyal because that “would make him despise her”.
  • They have a lot of arguments and she’s told me, without going into detail, that “he can be really f*cking cruel” when they fight.’

9 My friend was always really outspoken, fun and independent, but she was also pretty insecure when it came to men.

‘She met the guy who is now her husband, and basically changed everything about herself once they started dating. She became religious, had a 180-degree shift in political views, and a total change in her lifestyle and goals, etc. It’s not that I don’t like the guy, it’s just that this woman is not the same person I became friends with.’

10 My friend is dating a guy who is extremely possessive and jealous.

‘He texted several of her male friends that’s she’s been friends with for years telling them to stay away from her. If he knows she’s hanging out with friends that include those male friends he gets extremely mad at her. If she doesn’t answer the phone right away he will keep calling her until she does. Last week they got into a fight and she hung up their FaceTime call saying that she wanted both of them to take a 10-minute break to calm down and he called, like, 20 times in eight minutes and left two voicemails.  None of my other friends can figure out why she’s dating someone like that either, and I’m not sure if we’re going to say something or stay quiet.’

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