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Shit Girls Say

Everyone’s talking about the Twitter handle @shitgirlssay. Here are a few pearls all of us can relate to.

Everyone’s talking about the Twitter handle @shitgirlssay. Here are a few pearls all of us can relate to.

‘I need to have a good cry’
Your life is hell and your friends, agents of satan. Quick – rent Ghost, grab a box of tissues and sob away. You go, girl – crank it up.

‘I am never drinking again’
Whether it’s nursing a killer hangover at work or drunk dialling your ex (again), the remorse you feel is real. And lasting. Until, that is, next Friday rolls around and you find yourself faced with a chilled bottle of lusty white that appears to be whispering your name. What’s a girl to do at the end of a biaatch of a week? Okay, just this one time…

‘I can’t believe I ate all that’
You’ll believe it when you try and squeeze into your newly washed skinnies. If only you had stopped at three chocolate chip cookies, right? So you lost your mind for half an hour and finished everything in your fridge, including the mayonnaise. Luckily, one mad binge won’t make an ounce of difference (really). Go lie down – you can barely stand anyway. Do a spinning class tomorrow.

‘Are you ignoring me?’
No, he is not. He is working or in a meeting or on another call or busy doing things boys do to escape girls’ silly badgering. If he doesn’t answer your second SMS, do not send a third. Carry on with work – and then go and do that spinning class you conveniently forgot about (do samoosas with mayonnaise ring a bell?). When he’s free, he’ll answer you.

‘I think his phone’s off’
It might well be. And if you went ahead and sent that third sms, who can blame him?

‘At least I’m pretty’
You are, you are! So, dry your eyes, have one glass of wine, forgive yourself for being human and… listen… is that the sound of your phone? It is! And it’s him calling to invite you out somewhere fabulous. And guess what? If you lie down and wriggle, you can get those jeans on after all…

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