Our mind-health Q&A columnist Athena Lazarides is a qualified psychologist and the author of You’ve Got This. She’s on a mission to help you clarify your purpose so you can move onwards and upwards in life. You can see her work here.
I just wanted to start off by saying that I really love your column. I’m a wannabe powerhouse but at times I feel so disheartened that I’m not exactly where I want to be right NOW. I have seen success but it just doesn’t feel good enough. What advice do you have to help me get from here to there? -Lerato
What a great question. It can be really hard not to wish that the end point was already here – the success, celebration and good stuff. Closing the gap from where you are to where you want to be is possible through inspired action, staying motivated and doing the work. But here’s the thing: no matter whether you are pursuing a career, relationship or lifestyle goal there will always be something else to strive for. The cheesy line, ‘enjoy the ride’, is really a golden nugget of wisdom. So why not try and enjoy the process? If you feel disheartened and impatient that you aren’t further ahead, simply acknowledge your feelings and show yourself kindness. Become aware of whether you are comparing yourself with others, because doing so can lead to disappointment and disillusionment. Rather look to those who you feel are already ‘powerhouses’ and learn from them. Learn from their successes and failures. Notice what their journeys to success were like. Talk to them if you can. I imagine that they would tell you stories of both ease and difficulty, as the pathway to success is generally paved with both.
7 steps to move from impatience to ease
- Close your eyes and find a comfortable spot where you will not be disturbed.
- Bring awareness into your body and release any tension.
- Now, take a few deep calming breaths in and out.
- Once you feel relaxed, bring awareness to what you are feeling.
- Notice any thoughts that may arise in relation to what you are feeling. For example, you may have an inner voice that is telling you that until you become a ‘powerhouse’ you are not really good enough. That is an issue of self-worth, linked to self-love and acceptance. You don’t need to be wildly successful in order to accept and like yourself, right now.
- Do this process until you uncover all the thoughts that may be influencing you.
- Repeat step three and then end the process.