If a-holes could fly, the gym would be a very busy airport…
Seriously, dude. What are you doing?
2 The treadmill reader, ‘ripping it up’ on level 3 while making her way through the fifth book of A Song Of Ice And Fire
Because a couch (or a bath) is obviously out of the question – and the queue of people who actually came here to exercise doesn’t bother her at all.
3 The weights-machine hogger
Are 200 reps really necessary? Really? Every single blessed day?
4 The princess in full makeup, who doesn’t even crack a glow, never mind break a sweat
She probably just took a wrong turn from cocktail hour, and is here purely to annoy the crap out of you.
5 The guy who doesn’t follow the sequence on the circuit
Complete and utter a-hole.
6 The grunting ape-like creature with no neck, strutting around like he wants to punch the world in the face
He looks so ‘hangry’. Must have skipped that pre-gym protein shake.
7 The sweatasaurus revoltaris who doesn’t clean up after himself
Because when you decided to go for a swim, you didn’t aim to do it in a pool of his perspiration!
8 The trainer who tortures you at an ab attack class for a full 15 minutes – but you’ve never actually seen his abs
How are you supposed to trust him? HOW?
9 The overeager staff member who hits the emergency stop on your treadmill because you’ve gone over the allocated 20 minutes…
…but it’s not even peak time. And there are, like, four other treadmills open next to yours. So what the hell?
10 The guy on the stationary bike next to yours, who wants to have a fat chat
Gym etiquette 101: earphones = NO.
11 Everyone in the pool, from the aquarobics class to the coaching class – and that chick with the paddles moving at the speed of a dying snail
Heaven forbid you attempt to do laps in the half a lane that’s open…
12 The overachiever who went before you on the leg press, leaving it set at 180kg
Someone should tell him Bodybuilders Anonymous is next door.
13 The ever-so-slightly creepy older gent, ambling around in short shorts, with a towel thrown casually over his shoulder
Because what EXACTLY is he looking at?
14 The guy doing bicep curls in the free-weights section, slooooooowly, while checking himself out in the mirror
Posture is important, boet. And hair must stay in place.
15 The woman of a certain age in the changing room, who likes to dry her hair and apply her makeup stark naked
Because you could definitely do without having her bits in your face as you try to wriggle into your bra under your towel. Hashtag keep it PG-rated!
16 The superhot girl holding the perfect plank for three minutes straight, seemingly effortlessly, right in front of you
Yes, that one. The one you simultaneously rage-hate and secretly want to be…