16 Annoying-As-Hell People Who Make Exercising a Nightmare

If a-holes could fly, the gym would be a very busy airport…

If a-holes could fly, the gym would be a very busy airport…


So you’re at the gym. You’re not loving it, especially, but you acknowledge that exercise is a necessary part of your day – especially on the heels of the bowl of pasta you put away at dinner last night. You’re repping hard and sweating even harder, doing your bit for your body and your health … and just as you get some kind of rhythm going and are about to find your first endorphin, you realise you’re surrounded by a bunch of complete and utter tools, put on this earth specifically to make the experience unpleasant for you. You might recognise some of this annoying lot…
1 The one-armed rower, texting rapidly with his free hand

Seriously, dude. What are you doing?

2 The treadmill reader, ‘ripping it up’ on level 3 while making her way through the fifth book of A Song Of Ice And Fire

Because a couch (or a bath) is obviously out of the question – and the queue of people who actually came here to exercise doesn’t bother her at all.

3 The weights-machine hogger

Are 200 reps really necessary? Really? Every single blessed day?

4 The princess in full makeup, who doesn’t even crack a glow, never mind break a sweat

She probably just took a wrong turn from cocktail hour, and is here purely to annoy the crap out of you.

Related: Cocktail Calorie Calculator

5 The guy who doesn’t follow the sequence on the circuit

Complete and utter a-hole.

6 The grunting ape-like creature with no neck, strutting around like he wants to punch the world in the face

He looks so ‘hangry’. Must have skipped that pre-gym protein shake.

7 The sweatasaurus revoltaris who doesn’t clean up after himself


Because when you decided to go for a swim, you didn’t aim to do it in a pool of his perspiration!

8 The trainer who tortures you at an ab attack class for a full 15 minutes – but you’ve never actually seen his abs

How are you supposed to trust him? HOW?

9 The overeager staff member who hits the emergency stop on your treadmill because you’ve gone over the allocated 20 minutes…

…but it’s not even peak time. And there are, like, four other treadmills open next to yours. So what the hell?

Related: What His Treadmill Style Says about His Nookie Style

10 The guy on the stationary bike next to yours, who wants to have a fat chat

Gym etiquette 101: earphones = NO.

11 Everyone in the pool, from the aquarobics class to the coaching class – and that chick with the paddles moving at the speed of a dying snail

Heaven forbid you attempt to do laps in the half a lane that’s open…

12 The overachiever who went before you on the leg press, leaving it set at 180kg

Someone should tell him Bodybuilders Anonymous is next door.

13 The ever-so-slightly creepy older gent, ambling around in short shorts, with a towel thrown casually over his shoulder

Because what EXACTLY is he looking at?

14 The guy doing bicep curls in the free-weights section, slooooooowly, while checking himself out in the mirror


Posture is important, boet. And hair must stay in place.

15 The woman of a certain age in the changing room, who likes to dry her hair and apply her makeup stark naked

Because you could definitely do without having her bits in your face as you try to wriggle into your bra under your towel. Hashtag keep it PG-rated!

16 The superhot girl holding the perfect plank for three minutes straight, seemingly effortlessly, right in front of you

Yes, that one. The one you simultaneously rage-hate and secretly want to be…

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