For both of your sakes, keep these bedroom thoughts to yourself.
‘You’re the third-best lover I’ve ever had!’
‘While we were having sex last night, I came up with this genius solution to a problem at work.’
‘Your thrusting makes your tummy jiggle like a bowl of jelly.’
‘I fantasise about a Jonas Brothers foursome.’
‘Your orgasm face reminds me of my grandpa when he threw his hip out.’