15 Things You’ll Only Understand if You’re a Middle-Aged Woman Trapped in a Twentysomething’s Body

‘I dunno about you, but I’m feeling 52…’

These are the 15 things you’ll only relate to if the one thing you can’t relate to are people your age.

1. Feeling euphoric when climbing into something elasticated after a long day. Forget a night out to celebrate getting through a rough week. You want comfy clothes, your fave series and your pet. Small pleasures.

2. Finding a new reality show to fully immerse yourself in. You genuinely care about whether this couple gets their perfect wedding.

3. Feeling very loud music in your body, bones and soul, and it hurts you. ‘WHAT DID YOU SAY? WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU, MY BODY IS THE MUSIC AND I DON’T LIKE IT.’

Related: 9 Signs You’re Getting Too Old for This Crap

4. Wanting to meet someone ‘the old-fashioned way’. All your friends are Tindering up a storm, but you still cling onto the dream of having a long conversation with a gentleman you happen to end up sitting next to on the plane, swapping numbers, and, five years down the line, marrying him and moving into a nice house in the ‘burbs. It happens, right?

5. Saying ‘I can’t drink like I used to’. You literally just turned 25.

6. Choosing dinner and wine over a party – always. What is it with people and ‘going out’? Staying in is cheaper, more comfortable, plus you can actually hear what your friends are saying. Besides, getting wine-wasted in your own home is much more satisfying than being tequila-turnt in a sticky bathroom.

Related: 17 Signs Your Quarter-life Crisis is Real

7. Loving a good cardigan. Who cares if it’s not what the kids are wearing these days? Cardigans are the greatest invention in the history of the world, especially when everyone at work seems content with an air-con set to sub-zero temperatures.

8. Dedicating an entire morning to watching recorded shows that come on too late at night for you. Anything that’s on TV after 9:30pm is tomorrow’s treat.

9. Feeling genuinely elated when having a night in with an excellent book and a cup of tea. This, right here, is what true joy is made of.

10. Having a long bath with a shit-ton of products (and maybe a scented candle or two). The scent of your bubble bath is called ‘Serenity’.

Related: 10 Signs You’re Surviving Your Quarter-life Crisis (Even Though it Doesn’t Feel Like It)

11. Only texting fully punctuated and capitalised sentences. None of this foolish text-speak for you, thanks. You actually respect your language.

12. Asking (totally unironically) what the teens are into these days. ‘Is that Kayla Jenner still quite famous?’

13. Texting your emojis with actual punctuation marks instead of images. =) <3

14. Getting along really, really well with The Olds. They just know so much, you know? About things that matter, not about the Kardashians.

15. Always being in bed where you belong by 10pm. It’s a beautiful life.

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