Think back to the little-girl you. Chances are, you felt carefree, you focused primarily on yourself, and you rarely censored your thoughts or actions.
The whole point was to have fun, explore, and discover. Well, no one can be carefree forever, right? But girls may have to leave more of themselves behind than boys do as they move into adolescence and adulthood… and it just might be time to reclaim at least some of that lost girl (tempered with some hard-won big-girl wisdom, of course).
| Where Did That Girl Go? |
There are many reasons why girls may lose so much of their inner selves as they mature. 'Certainly a primary one, says Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes (Three Rivers Press) is that during adolescence, girls start to believe they have to be effortlessly perfect. They feel pressured to fit in socially, be attractive, and do well in school.'
And while these things are a natural part of growing up, you sometimes sacrifice a bit of who you are to achieve these goals. For instance, you may have silenced a wacky part of your personality in order to be in with the popular crowd. 'Women are socialised to be people pleasers, so as girls move into their early teenage years, they start conforming to what they believe others want them to be,' says clinical psychologist Dr Roni Cohen-Sandler, author Stressed-Out Girls (Penguin). That urge to conform can extend to your looks. Maybe you started spending time worrying about your appearance instead of indulging in a hobby you loved. Or perhaps you were so focused on being well-liked that you became less willing to take risks that might make you stand out.
Finally, as you get older, the time element becomes crucial. 'As a child, you can devote hours to dreaming and doing things just for fun,' says clinical psychologist Dr Ruth Peters, author of Overcoming Underachieving (Wiley). But as life accelerates, you get busy, and it becomes easier to neglect things that really make you happy. The result: That quirky, devil-may-care girl you once were gets lost... which kind of sucks, because that deeper sense of yourself can really come in handy as a grown-up - from helping you get exactly what you want in life to simply heightening your joy. Now, just to be clear, we aren't suggesting you revert back to your childhood ways - at least not in the literal sense. It's more about realising what went missing, bringing back some of the facets of your personality, and using them to your advantage. Here's the low-down on how to rediscover certain parts of the old you. |
| Define What's Missing |
| Reclaim Your Old Self |
| Don't Worry About Other People's Expectations |