A certain breed of sexual predator can convincingly act like a perfectly nice, normal, even charming guy - right up until the moment he forces his victim into sex. Learn to recognise what one expert has dubbed the undetected rapist... before it's too late.
The very term 'date rape' is misleading, says rape expert, Dr David Lisak, because the typical date rapist does not ask out a woman with the idea of starting a relationship but instead usually assaults someone he has just met and doesn't plan to see again. 'The phrase "date rape" can sound like "rape lite",' says Lisak, but it is at least as devastating as stranger rape… and much more likely to occur.' Undetected rapists represent the vast majority of rapists and account for the vast majority of all rapes,' says Lisak. Consider the maths: It is estimated that 3 out of 4 rapes are committed by someone the victim knows and up to 85% of rapes never reported. There is one light in the darkness here: Most of these date rapists share many traits. The more you learn about their habits and psychological makeups, the better your chances of not being a victim. Here, we go inside the mind of the undetected rapist to reveal how he operates.
| Trait #1: He Carefully Plans His Attacks |
The central myth about date rape, says Lisak, is that it often boils down to a miscommunication between two people who've been drinking. While that can happen, the vast majority of sexual assaults are not random occurrences. 'Non-stranger rape is like any other predatory behaviour,' says Lisak. 'That is, these men develop a systematic method that works, honing their skills until they are very effective.'
Lisak describes what one of his research subjects told him about his approach for a house party, a formula echoed by many other date rapists. He and his friends would choose a group of 'targets' to invite to their 'exclusive' party, where they'd serve a sweet punch spiked strongly with alcohol. At the party, he would start grooming his target - complimenting her, flirting, plying her with drinks, and finally suggesting that they go upstairs where it is quieter. There, he would start kissing his victim while stripping off her clothes, ignoring her protests. Then he would hold her down, have sex with her, get dressed, and go back to the party.
The key turning point, says Lisak, is when the rapist isolates his prey by convincing her to leave a public place like a bar or party and go somewhere private (a room, a car, or a house). Never go off alone with someone you barely know; and if you think you've had too much to drink, always call a taxi rather than accept a life home. Your gut instincts are your best protection here - so don't ignore them.
'I've counselled many rape victims who blamed themselves because they could tell that the guy was too pushy and wasn't listening to them,' says associate professor of counselling and gender studies, Dr Katie Gentile. 'Of course, it's always easier to recognise these things in hindsight, and many victims have said they felt that, though difficult to heed, the signs were there all along.' |
| Trait #2: He Is Likely a Serial Rapist |
| Trait #3: He Holds Stereotypical Views Of Men and Women |
| Trait #4: He Uses Alcohol and/or Drugs As a Tool |
| Trait #5: He Uses Psychological Dominance More Than Brute Force |