This is a story about how I went from a normal bald-headed womxn to a badass extraterrestrial in 40 minutes. Let me explain.
I decided to bleach my eyebrows for #COSMOTries because why not? What I lacked in extensive beauty knowledge, I made up for in steely confidence and resolve. It didn’t ever cross my mind that I wouldn’t be able to pull off the look because, lowkey, I am Kanye to myself.
The day started with a visit to a hair salon in Claremont. I was listening to ASATT, feeling confident and relaxed because sister Solange came all the way through with that piece of contemporary art she gave us as an album. Before I knew it, the Uber stopped in front of fancy-looking salon and it was time for me to honour my commitment. I walked in and it suddenly became very real. I had really made a commitment to dye my face hairs blonde. Lolz.
After I was offered a latte and shown where to sit, the nerves started to kick in. Unfortunately, I ask a lot of questions when I’m nervous. It has a lot to do with regaining control of any given situation. The first question I asked was one that I’m sure you’d ask too: will my eyebrows fall off if we keep the bleach on for too long? I was assured the probability of that happening was very low. Do you think that stopped me from asking six more times? If you said yes, you are wrong.
Finally, I agreed to have bleach placed on my face. Did I mention that I’ve never even tweezed my eyebrows before? Oh wait, there was that one time I did for my matric dance. One million years ago. Wow.
The bleach was cold and I could immediately feel a tingle. I thought I was okay but the nerves returned. This whole process was starting to remind me of the times I relaxed my hair as a child. If you’ve ever had relaxer in your hair, you know that my anxiety was not unwarranted. Luckily, I was joined by a colleague at that moment. We started chatting about work, deadlines – you know, the usual. After checking on me periodically, the stylist informed me I was done. Hawu, already? That wasn’t so bad then, I guess. My colourist asked if I’d like a second application to go lighter and I opted out. I did not want to tempt the gods of fate and push my luck any further. I was glad to still have eyebrows, if we’re being one hundred.
After staring at myself for a solid 10 minutes, I was ushered to someone who just had to take care of my wayward brows. She started threading away and I was reminded why I never do things like this; it is just too painful. There is pain I can justify and pain I simply cannot. For instance, if my arm goes numb because I’m sitting at an angle while texting, I can justify that. Just have to get those tweets out bro. Priorities.
What I learnt
As a result of my brows being so light, I look very funny, depending on the angle. If you see me in broad daylight, I look like an alien. From another angle, I look like I do not have eyebrows at all. This has led to some hilarious reactions from people in the street. I used to get double-takes because I dress in black every single day and because I’m bald. (Unrelated: I really assumed being bald would help me give off a tough vibe and ward off street harassment. The opposite has happened which is a story for another day.)
Anyway, back to the brows. I could not be happier with my decision. It’s made me think about taking a serious look at my beauty routine as a whole. I’d definitely recommend trying this. For summer and for fun. Be sure to visit a professional if you’re doing it for the first time.
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