What Your Sex Dreams Mean
Ever wake up and realize you just dreamed something so sexy that you're practically blushing? Chances are, you were clueless about where the hell that horny dream came from. But, says Gayle Delaney, PhD, author of All About Dreams (HarperCollins Publishers), 'It's healthy to have sex dreams, because they can help you learn more about your sexuality.' However, sometimes your dream represents something unrelated to sex, like an issue in your life that you are trying to rectify, she adds.
So how do you figure out what your randy nocturnal visions are telling you, exactly? We've uncovered the hidden meanings behind some common but cryptic carnal dreams.
SEX DREAM 1
You Shagged Your Boss
Wake-up call: In some cases, dreaming of having sex with a higher-up hints at an attraction that you're denying when awake, says Delaney. But usually, a boinking-your-boss dream has more to do with admiring their power position than it does harbouring frisky feelings.
'Many women have this dream after a promotion or an accomplishment at work,' says Gillian Holloway PhD, professor of psychology at Marylhurst University and author of The Complete Dream Book (Sourcebooks). 'You probably aspire to achieve the level of success that your boss has and think about how to get there, which is why he or she turned up in your dream,' she says. So use it as a catalyst to develop a skill you respect in your boss – via a class or just a one-on-one meeting – so you can keep heading in his or her hot career trajectory.
SEX DREAM 2
You Had a Rendezvous With a Celebrity
Wake-up call: There's no better way to wake up than fresh from a fling with Gerard Butler (except, perhaps, to actually wake up next to him). 'People who are sexually active but aren't currently having sex – whether it's due to their partner's being away or a recent breakup – often have celebrity-centric sex dreams,' says psychologist Patricia Farrell, PhD, author of How to Be Your Own Therapist (McGraw-Hill Education). In other words, you're subconsciously craving a shag... and your famous bed buddy is bringing that purely physical urge to the forefront.
SEX DREAM 3
You Got It On With a Girl
Wake-up call: If you've never been with a woman, you may wonder if some latent bisexual urges are surfacing, but that's not likely. 'Usually, when straight women have same-sex dreams, they're doing it with a woman they admire,' says Delaney. It's not that you secretly want her body; it's more likely that you have a platonic girl-crush. You may love her style or killer personality so you dreamed about getting 'intimate' with her to feel close to her fabulousness.
What do you do with this info? 'Look at the dream without paying attention to the sexual encounter,' says Farrell. 'If there's something about her that you like, make small changes in your life to work on those traits.' For example, if she has an approachable air that draws people to her; try throwing a small party for friends and have everyone bring someone you don't know so you get a prime op to be just as socially savvy.
SEX DREAM 4
You Slept With Your Friend's Man
Wake-up call: Just because you dove under the sheets with him in a spicy slumber-induced fantasy doesn't mean you've hatched a subversive plot to steal a friend's boyfriend. He probably just has qualities that you wish your guy had. 'Often a dream will "borrow" a situation from a friends life,' says Holloway. 'If your friend has a funnier, more sensitive, spontaneous, or successful partner than you do, the dream may be suggesting that you'd like to be with someone like him or that you'd like more excitement, empathy, or laughter in your life.'
SEX DREAM 5
You Bedded a Relative
Wake-up call: Most people have this kind of dream a few times, says Holloway and it can cause major anxiety. But rest assured, freaky familial fantasies rarely have anything to do with incest. 'They usually have to do with personality types that you encounter in your life that remind you of your family,' Holloway says. 'For instance, if your brother used to tease you as a kid, and now your guy jokes around with you a lot, you might dream about sleeping with your brother because they share that trait.'
So next time a too-close-to-home nightmare crops up, put it into perspective by thinking about specific ways this relative could remind you of someone else. Chances are, you'll figure out the connection and feel less freaked out.
SEX DREAM 6
You Had a Romp With Your Ex
Wake-up call: Whether you're single or paired up with a new guy, it can be jarring to wake up realising you've had a fantasy shag with an old beau. While this dream could be quite literal, says Delaney (that is, you miss having carnal contact with him or you want him back and you're downplaying that yearning in your waking life), don't automatically assume that's the case.
'You might be completely over your ex, but you may not have dealt with all the emotional baggage the breakup brought on, so your subconscious is reminding you that there are still some issues to work through,' explains Holloway. Maybe you're worried about how committed your current boyfriend really is or you feel anxious about a new fling moving too fast. 'Look at the dream as an alert that you need to address the problem so it doesn't cause a snag in your current relationship... or your next one,' advises Farrell.
SEX DREAM 7
You're Flying
Wake-up call: Okay, so technically you're not hooking up, but often when you dream that you're soaring through the air, you've recently had a sex-filled rendezvous with a new guy in real life. 'This euphoric feeling is called ecstatic flight, and it's analogous to an orgasm,' says Holloway. 'Flying dreams are usually about getting some freedom in your life and being as unfettered as you possibly can. The dream could be telling you that stepping out of your sexual comfort zone is allowing you to break free of your fears and insecurities and that you should move forward with your adventurousness.'
So instead of shying away from trying a position with a guy that totally exposes your body, surrender to feeling a little vulnerable and go for it. The result: You may have bigger, better orgasms outside of your dreams too.