Sexpectation

Sexpectation. It's that feeling you get when you're not positive you'll be getting lucky, but you're pretty sure. It's when you're meeting up with a guy and all your e-mails/SMSs/calls point to sex, but nothing's 100% certain. And it's the possibility that starts to seep in when you know you'll be seeing your hook-up at a party, and your best friend sings 'You're gonna have se-ex' to you all day. Basically, it's an expectation of sex, only you're not 'expecting it', per se. Sure, you'll be stoked if it happens, but you're not cocky enough to slap some coin on the table as testament to its inevitability.

The bizarre thing about sexpectation is that we rarely admit we're feeling it, even to ourselves. It's kind of on par with that sensation you have when you're feeling really good about a job interview, but don't want to jinx it by telling anyone. No one wants to pre-empt getting lucky only to be let down, so we figure it's best to just keep quiet and secretly hope it will all come off. (Naturally, if it does come off, the whole world will know about it.)

Don't think you have to be single to enjoy the jitters of this optimistic sex-calculation. Just as there are many ways to roll in the proverbial hay, there are also countless variations of sexpectation. There are the more obvious: the third-date/third-base anticipation, or the post-send thrill you get when you fire off a booty call SMS. Then there's the more unlikely, more old-fashioned feeling you get when you're finally about to meet up with the guy you've been shamelessly flirting with. But there's also the sexpectation you enjoy as part of A Couple. Like the thoughts lingering behind your smile as you collect The Boy from the airport, or the secret high you get when the two of you set off on a dirty weekend.

Men absolutely have their own brand of sexual anticipation too (which is, uh, slightly less subtle than ours). However, we ladies will generally complement our sexpectation with a few telltale preparations, like cleaning our room (as in Guests Coming Over clean) before we head out for the night, or simply having a bikini wax. Call it odd (because, well, it is), but for some reason, women believe these things are 'wasted' unless they're 'fully utilised'. Although this isn't to say that if we do these things, we're guaranteed rumpy pumpy. In fact, it can be quite the contrary.

I have a friend, let's call her Kate, and the second she starts entertaining sexpectation, she's most definitely not getting any. She serves to highlight the danger of this game: if you get too carried away with your sordid expectations and focus on them too much, you can scare off any opportunities. It's the Murphy's law of sexpectation: the night you are utterly ready for lovin', you'll go home alone save for a garage pie. There is no explanation for this, except that the universe is sometimes a selfish A-hole that doesn't want you getting nookie.

Sexpectation isn't a lead-up brag before getting your freak on. Nor will it automatically ruin your chances. (Cleaning your room might, however.) Think of it as a hopeful waiting period preceding a rendezvous that's just shy of a sure thing. And sometimes, just sometimes, it's sweeter than the sex itself.

Author: Zoe Foster