Your calves tense. Your hips grind. Your back arches. The outer third of your vagina begins to contract every 0.8 seconds, your womb balloons to nearly double its size. Then, finally, there’s a release of tension. These are the signs you’ve experienced an orgasm.
But what if you’ve never felt one, two or any of the above? Or, you’ve felt some of them but not in that order? Does that mean you’ve never really come? Don’t panic! An orgasm can, in fact, be none of the above. Whether you’re a screamer or a gentle moaner, understanding your O is guaranteed to make it better.
While science says that at its most basic, an orgasm is an involuntary muscle reflex, new research from the UK reveals the definition varies from woman to woman. While a third of women studied reported they’d had an orgasm, monitors recorded they’d experienced no muscular contractions at all. Their minds said they’d come, but their bodies denied it, proving orgasm transcends science to be a far more complex blend of body and mind.
WHY DO WE COME?
Despite our interest in orgasms, surprisingly little is known about how they work. Elisabeth Lloyd, author of
The Case of the Female Orgasm (Harvard University Press), has compiled 21 different theories. The most common? Orgasm aids our baby-making abilities. This theory outlines how contractions of the womb turn its neck into a kind of vacuum cleaner during orgasm, sucking up sperm to make conception more likely, and rewarding men who pleasure their partner with reproductive success. Romantic, huh? Another theory claims orgasms are the cement that holds relationships together, with blood levels of the bonding hormone prolactin 400% higher in both men and women after sex (as compared to masturbation).
RELAX, IT’S ALL GOOD
In reality, more than a third of women don’t climax during penetration alone, and 80% of those who do, don’t come every time. Many women rely on clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, while some women report ‘no touch’ orgasms (where they climax without stimulation) and others say they have multiple orgasms. Fact: it’s easier for women to achieve multiple orgasms than men. While they’re possible for a man, his first orgasm must occur without ejaculation and without losing his erection. Women, however, can learn the ability (usually by masturbating) to ‘come again’ within a minute or two of their first full orgasm.
So, what’s the deal? Is your orgasm as orgasmic as your friends’? Answer: there’s no right, better or ‘real’ way to achieve orgasm – it’s about whatever works for you. ‘An orgasm is an orgasm,’ says Catherine Blackledge, author of
The Story of V: Opening Pandora’s Box (Rutgers University Press). ‘Don’t be swayed by the latest fad. Do it the way that pleasures you best.’