Master Your Four-Play
Most of the time, sex is great. But there are occasions when sex is beyond great – it’s bond-building, body-melting and knee-tremblingly A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. And when this happens, it’s not because he’s perfected the latest Kama Sutra technique, but because all the four elements of sexual pleasure are in tune.
The first element of beyond-great sex is intimacy; by increasing levels of closeness between you and your man you’ll take your sex life to a whole new level. ‘Intimacy in the bedroom is the difference between having sex and making love,’ explains psychotherapist Emma Gold. ‘It bonds you as a couple and makes you more affectionate outside the bedroom, too.’
Secondly, there’s the mental element – being able to switch off from credit-card bills and focus on the moment. ‘The best technique in the world will have little effect if your attention is focused on the fact that the ceiling needs painting,’ says online-dating expert, Kelly Russell. ‘If you ignore the mental element of sex, you ignore the biggest sex organ of all – your brain.’
Once you’re relaxed and your brain is tuned into your orgasmic potential, the physical element – positions and techniques – becomes equally important. And the fourth ingredient – perhaps the one we forget most – is laughter. ‘People take sex far too seriously,’ warns Dr Pam Spurr, author of Sex, Guys And Chocolate (Robson Books). ‘Yes, it can be amazing, and good for your relationship and overall health, but that doesn’t mean you should approach it like two scientists working on a formula. Being able to laugh about sex slip-ups, rather than being humiliated, is a more positive approach.’
Different experiences tick different boxes – and to make sure all four elements are covered in your bedroom repertoire, simply pick and choose moves from our steamy collection of must-try tricks. Your four-play will lead to orgasms worth screaming about!
EYE DO
For really intense, emotional sex, try The Love Boat: sit on your man’s lap with him inside you and your legs around him. Then gently rock back and forth. This is the ideal position for intense eye contact and clitoral stimulation, by hand. Tantric gurus promote it for its ‘sharing of breath’, and they should know because practitioners are famed for being able to make love this way for several hours. With the addition of a ‘power lube’, though, you won’t be able to keep that orgasm at bay for long. These lubricants give an extra tingle when rubbed on the clitoris. ‘For women, a sensation-enhancing lubricant can be the difference between good sex and great sex,’ says Russell. ‘And if you think that seems a little one-sided in your favour, don’t forget that the bigger our orgasm, the more powerful our vaginal contractions – utter bliss to a penis, often triggering orgasm for him instantly.’
MODEL BEHAVIOUR
We’ve all heard of women posing for sexy photos taken by their men, but now it’s time to let guys do the posing for a change. ‘A lot of men will initially feel awkward in front of the camera. It takes them a while to relax into being photographed and their way of dealing with it is to fool around, so male photo shoots can be a real giggle,’ says erotic photographer Nahid de Belgeonne. ‘But once they’ve relaxed, it makes them feel sexy and more confident. And for a woman, handling the camera puts her in a position of control and gives a sexually charged buzz.’
COCOON COUPLE
If you’re in the mood but just can’t get that snide comment from your boss out of your head, you can create a cocoon around the two of you that will protect you from outside distractions. ‘It takes practice, but it can be done,’ says Dr Spurr. ‘Just imagine a soft cocoon wrapped around your bodies, then focus on the part of your lover that turns you on – maybe it’s his cute bum. As you touch each other, concentrate on how much you love that part of him.’
LAVENDER LOVE
Taking a bath together is a classic way of simultaneously unwinding and getting turned on, and using lavender oil will help you relax. But after the bath, try this twist: ‘Go straight to a massage, ending at the front of your upper thighs,’ says Gold. ‘Not only are they shiatsu sexual-trigger points, but they also happen to be in the right general direction for some labial massaging, too.’ Labial massaging can be done with sensual water-based lubricants (oils can damage condoms so they aren’t recommended if that’s your chosen contraceptive). Ask him to simultaneously stroke his thumbs down your labia towards your buttocks in small circles and then back up again. This will stimulate the full length of your clitoris, including the unseen part that extends 9cm inside your body.
ABSTINENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER
Sometimes, the best sex tip is not to have sex at all. ‘Spend an evening doing everything but penetration,’ says Gold. ‘Not only is foreplay often the best bit for women, but not being “allowed” to do something makes you want it even more. So when you do finally succumb, it will be 10 times hotter.’ Kelly, a 29-year-old sales executive from Manchester, took this a step further: ‘My ex once suggested we describe having sex and exactly what we’d like to do to each other, and then not do it for an entire week,’ she says. ‘The sex was really good at the end of the week because there’d been six days of foreplay leading up to it.’
THE 96
There’s nothing like an extravagant, complicated sex position to give you a sense of adventure and get you laughing. So, try the 96 for size. It’s a reverse 69 – carefully follow our step-by-step guide and take it slowly.
1. He sits upright, legs straight out in front of him, leaning back on his arms for support.
2. You stand behind him and climb forward over his shoulders, so your upper thighs are resting on his shoulders and his tongue can reach your hotspots.
3. Then lean all the way forward until you’re completely upside down and your face is conveniently near his penis. Put one hand on the bed to keep your balance.
4. You should now be in the perfect position for mutual oral. But beware – it takes strength and skill. If you manage it, you’ll feel like you’ve got through a team-building exercise and it’ll bring you closer, plus, you’ll both get a great oral buzz. If you don’t manage it, you’ll have a lot of fun trying.
THE TIP TIP
A purely physical rush heightens the mental and emotional elements with some gorgeous sexual spice. For men, their preferred spice is blow-job flavoured and Gold believes she’s found the ultimate technique. ‘There’s a little-known “less is more” blow-job strategy that puts men into a coma-like state, due to the intensity of the orgasm it causes. Make lots of tiny licks only over the head of the penis – I tried it and, sure enough, the man concerned could neither move nor speak for ages afterwards.’
To make sure your man returns the favour, lick the head of his penis in the same way you would like him to lick your clitoris – once he’s out of his sex coma, remind him it’s your turn.
RIDE HIM, COWGIRL
‘In woman-on-top positions, you have complete control over speed. In rear-entry positions you get deeper penetration so your man seems bigger,’ says Russell. (Not that size is important, guys, obviously!) ‘It also allows you full access to your orgasm switch, aka the clitoris.’ For these reasons, the Reverse Cowgirl With A Twist is a physical winner.
Straddle your man in the standard woman-on-top position, facing him, then with him still inside you, slowly turn your body around until you’re facing his feet. The spin will feel amazing for him. Then, while rocking up and down, coat your hand in lubricant and rub your clitoris with the palm of your hand, so your fingertips are stroking his testicles at the same time. And here comes the funny part: We dare you to shout, ‘Yee-ha!’ and keep a straight face.
SURPRISE!
Go on, do something totally unpredictable – it’ll skyrocket your sex life. ‘OK, so you know if he rubs your clitoris 30 times clockwise, you’ll climax without fail, but that won’t give you great sex every day,’ points out Russell. So dare yourself to do something a little unusual, like Jennifer, a 23-year-old hairdresser. ‘Last summer my boyfriend drove me out to the countryside,’ she recalls. ‘We pulled over, then I opened the sunroof and sat on top of the car with my legs dangling down. He stayed inside and gave me the best oral sex of my life. Being in the sun and risking being caught gave sex a completely new edge.’ Even when things go wrong, spontaneity can bring you closer. ‘I remember once trying to have sex in a nightclub toilet with my boyfriend,’ says Claire, a 25-year-old PA. ‘We couldn’t do it standing up because the height difference was too much. Then I broke the seat by trying to stand on it in stilettos. When someone in the next cubicle asked for toilet paper, we wisely gave up, but it’s something we still laugh about now!’
SECRET LOVER
The biggie, without which none of these other tricks will work, is this: share your secrets. ‘By allowing your partner to see your vulnerable side, perhaps by acknowledging your self-consciousness or revealing a bad past experience, you allow a man to show his more caring side,’ says Gold. ‘When we expose our vulnerabilities and meet a loving response, we get a strong emotional connection. It’s this connection, more than any other factor, that will guarantee more powerful sex.’