Keep The Sex Naughty

During the first few months of a relationship, a couple usually can be found in one of two places: her bedroom or his. And for good reason. During that delicious early phase of dating, the sex is ultra-new, ultra-frequent, and in many cases, ultra-hot.

But around the six-month mark, that searing level of heat begins to cool – for both partners – as their bond deepens. ‘While you may be growing closer as a couple, the initial rush of hormones calms down, and your body and brain start behaving differently,’ says certified sex therapist Darcy Luadzers, PhD, author of The 10-Minute Sexual Solution: A Busy Couples Guide to Having More Fun, Intimacy, and Sex (Hatherleigh Press).

When that shift happens, it’s hard not to be bummed. (Remember the first time you slept in the same bed with your guy and actually, well, slept?) Thankfully, it’s not a sign that the chemistry has evaporated – just a reminder that, to keep your lust life hot in the long term, you have to expend a little erotic energy. Here, the sexual setbacks most couples face and expert advice on how to keep the passion ignited.

SEX STAGE: Six Months
When you first get together with a guy and start sleeping with him, your excitement causes the release of adrenaline, which provides plenty of fuel for those glorious sexathons. Around six months into it, however, both you and your guy’s bodies start releasing a chemical called oxytocin (known as the cuddle hormone) more than adrenaline.

‘Oxytocin promotes feelings of love and connectedness,’ explains clinical psychologist Linda Mona, PhD, director of research at MyPleasure.com. ‘You may still be having sex often, but it takes on a more soulful note.’ The problem? Those steamy, have-to-have-each-other-now sessions happen less frequently than they used to.

Naughty hint: Treat each other like lust objects. ‘There’s this idea that being in love means always having romantic sex,’ says Mona. ‘But the truth is that urgent, animalistic sex is just as important in a relationship as the kind where you look into each other’s eyes.’

So channel your inner sex kitten like you did in the early days of dating. Send him a steamy SMS during the workday that lets him know how much you’re dying to get your hands on him. While you’re sweating it out on the stair-climber at the gym, fantasize about a hot encounter you’ve had with your man. The next time you see him, you’ll be raring to pounce.

When it comes to doing the deed, manufacture a sense of urgency. Grab him while he’s getting a beer out of the fridge and playfully slam him against the door, or give him some unexpected (but very welcome) company in the shower. Says Mona, ‘The element of surprise will help reignite the excitement you felt during the first few months.’

Author: Beth Sobol