Living in a fast-paced world means it’s sometimes difficult to fit sex into your busy schedule. However, a group in the US think they have the answer. Justine Dawson, president of the San Francisco-based group OneTaste, believes you can improve your sex life simply by slowing down and paying attention.
‘Regular sex is spontaneous, thus hard to schedule,’ says Dawson. ‘The result is that it often falls off the to-do list altogether.’ However the
OneTaste method doesn’t focus on regular sex, she says, rather its primary focus is on having slow sex. ‘Slow sex can be planned in advance, so you can slot it into your life more easily – meaning you have a better chance of keeping the date.’
TOUCH ME ON MY…
OneTaste uses a method called ‘Orgasmic Meditation’ or ‘OMing’, a simple exercise that helps both partners pay attention to their feelings of desire, says Dawson. One partner, most often the guy, lightly strokes the other for 15 minutes, she explains. ‘During this time, both partners pay attention to the point of contact between them, noticing the sensations the stroke generates in their bodies.’ You can ask him to go faster, slower, softer or harder, it all depends on you, she adds. Afterwards, she suggests you verbally share one moment of sensation you felt during your OM exercise.
TAKE IT SLOW
There’s a preconceived notion that the longer sex lasts, the better it is, says Dawson. She believes you can get the same pleasure from 15 minutes of slow sex as you can from a full-on sex marathon. ‘We always seem to be going faster and harder in our world today,’ she says. But slow sex is gentle and relaxing. ‘It proves that shorter can indeed be sweeter.
‘In regular sex, reciprocity rules,’ says Dawson. But, with slow sex, a woman can enjoy a well-deserved break, she says. ‘Before you feel sorry for the guys, you should know that many men credit this method as some of the best sex they’ve had in their lives. Women definitely underestimate the satisfaction a man gets from knowing he is doing right by his woman.
‘Ironically, many women experience sex as stressful, at least some of the time,’ says Dawson. If you’re worried about climaxing or your performance, you won’t be able to enjoy the intimacy at all,’ she says. ‘In slow sex, all you have to do is lie back and pay attention to the feeling of being stroked. The result? You actually
feel sex for a change.’ It teaches you how to get more from your sex life, she adds, especially in terms of desire, sensation, connection and intimacy. ‘It’s about slowing down, taking the time to feel your body, your true desire and your partner.’
Slow sex has three steps. Here, Dawson explains exactly what you should be doing and the questions you should be asking yourself.
| Step #1: Simplicity |
Pay attention to the sensations you are feeling in your body. Rather than focusing on what you think you ‘should’ be feeling, saying, or doing, focus on what you can actually feel, right now. Notice things like temperature, texture and location. What does it feel like to be turned on? When do you notice an increase in sensation? A decrease? |
| Step #2: Attention |
| Step #3: Desire |