Getting Tested
Broaching the subject of STI testing with your new boyfriend, or even a long-term partner will leave anyone feeling uneasy. Asking the hot guy you just met in a club whether or not he’s STI-free takes awkwardness to new levels. But this conversation, no matter who you’re having it with, is one of the most important one-on-one’s you’ll ever have.
THE ONE-NIGHT-STAND
Speaking to someone you don’t really know about STIs might be tricky, but the real juggling act is deciding whether or not to trust what you’re being told by a practical stranger. Cape Town sexologist and psychologist, Dr. Claire Rockliffe-Fidler, says you simply don’t know that cute architect who’s been buying you cocktails all night well enough to know whether or not his word is trustworthy.
‘If you are in the position where things have become so heated that you’re contemplating a one-night-stand, both you and your partner aren’t likely to be thinking rationally,’ says Rockliffe-Fidler. People can be vague with their answers when they’re in the heat of the moment. ‘You’re not exactly listening 100%; you’re more than likely listening for the answer you want to hear.’
You can introduce the topic by telling him what tests you’ve had done, when you had them and what the results were, she advises. ‘If he doesn’t volunteer the same information, it will clear the way for him to be asked the same questions.’
If you don’t get the answer you’re looking for and he hasn’t been tested, suggest other stimulating activities that don’t involve skin-on-skin touch or fluid exchange, says Rockliffe-Fidler. ‘You can still excite one another while keeping safe.’
Broaching the Topic: When you realise the night is going to turn into more than just heavy petting, make sure you’re prepared. Simply ask ‘Have you got condoms?’ If he doesn’t have any on him, ask him if he’s been testing for STIs recently. If he hasn’t, get up and leave; it’s just not worth the risk.
THE NEW MAN
‘Making the leap from condoms to a non-barrier method of birth control is a big step in both your relationship, and your health,’ says sexologist and DISA Health Care Director, Prof. Elna McIntosh. ‘Having an open discussion with your partner about becoming exclusive, as well as a frank rundown of your sexual histories, is very important, but it’s still not enough.’
If you and your new man have become an exclusive couple and decide you want to be rid of the rubber barrier between you, says McIntosh, it’s imperative to get tested together and continue to practice safe sex until you get your results.
Don’t think that because you’re not having sex, you’re safe from STIs. ‘STI’s don’t need much more than a wet, warm environment to set up shop, so the mouth is as hospitable as the genitals,’ says McIntosh. ‘Gonorrhoea, herpes, hepatitis, genital human papilloma virus (HPV), and even HIV, can be transmitted through oral sex.’
For the same reason you use a condom when you’re not sure about a new partner’s STI status, you should play it safe when it comes to oral sex, advises McIntosh. ‘Just don’t make the mistake of assuming oral sex is safe sex until you’ve both been tested.’
Broaching the Topic: ‘Now that we’re exclusive, I’d like us to start with a clean slate. Let’s get tested.’ Becoming part of a couple means taking responsibility for not only yourself, but for his wellbeing too. Turn getting tested together into a bonding session.
THE LONG-TERM PARTNER
Sex and relationships go together, says clinical sexologist Leandie Buys, and having sex with someone you’re not in a relationship with is extremely dangerous, both physically and emotionally. Women in particular attach a lot of meaning and emotion to sex, and can therefore be left feeling vulnerable and exploited when sex is not supported by a loving relationship, explains Buys.
‘When it comes to talking to your partner about sex, you have the right to ask awkward questions if you think your life could be at stake,’ says Buys. Don’t leave questions like ‘Are you positive?’ or ‘Have you been tested?’ for when you’re about to have sex. ‘Couples should openly discuss their status before it reaches this stage.’
‘Knowing your partner’s sexual history is very important,’ advises Buys. ‘If you feel your partner has not been entirely honest with you about their past, you need to listen to these warning bells. Being prepared and knowing your partner’s sexual history will give you the security and confidence you need to get the most out of sex, and the relationship.’
Broaching the Topic: ‘I think we need to get tested again. It seems like a long time since we’ve both been tested.’ At this stage in your relationship you shouldn’t feel awkward about topics that concern your and his safety. You need to know whether or not he has been tested, as well as what the results of his last test were.
McIntosh gives us the rundown of 10 dreaded STIs you want to avoid… and should be tested for.
1. HIV – It can go undetected for many years and takes up to 10 years to develop into full-blown Aids. How it’s tested: Blood test.
2. Syphilis – Left untreated, it can lead to nerve damage, dementia or death. How it’s tested: Blood test.
3. Chlamydia – This is especially dangerous for women; it can damage the fallopian tubes, which can increase the risk for an ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy outside the uterus). How it’s tested: Urine test or a lab test of a swab sample.
4. Genital Herpes – It can cause a potentially fatal infection in babies. How it’s tested: A physical exam, blood test and/or a lab test of a swab sample.
5. Gonorrhoea - It can spread through the blood to the joints, causing arthritic symptoms. How it’s tested: Urine test and/or a lab test of a swab sample.
6. Hepatitis B & C – Chronic hepatitis B and C can lead to liver cirrhosis or liver cancer. How it’s tested: Blood test.
7. Human papilloma virus (HPV) – This virus can lead to cervical cancer. How it’s tested: Pap smear.
8. Trichomoniasis – It can cause premature birth or low birth weight. How it’s tested: A physical exam and/or a lab test of a swab sample.
9. Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) – It can permanently damage female reproductive organs or cause an ectopic pregnancy. How it’s tested: A physical exam and/or an ultrasound.
10. Bacterial vaginosis – This can cause PID or increase the risk of pre-term delivery in pregnant women. How it’s tested: A physical exam, and/or a lab test of vaginal fluid.