Fun, Fearless Sex
Hands up: who’s shied away from trying at least one mattress manoeuvre because they felt self-conscious in bed? Whether you’re uncomfortable showing off your love lumps, taking the lead or just trying something new, you can break the cycle. Follow our passion pointers and amp up your daredevil levels.
YOUR FEAR – RELAXING DURING ORAL SEX
Worrying about how you look, smell and taste when your boyfriend heads south can make your libido flatline – fast. In fact, one study of 2 000 women found that the more comfortable they were with their V-zone, the more sexually satisfied they were.
Have Fun: Try the two water tricks. Firstly prep by drinking lots of H2O; it flushes out toxins that can create strange tastes and smells down there. Then take a bedtime bath: not only will it make you feel super-clean, but hot water brings blood to your skin’s surface, making you extra-sensitive to your man’s touch. Finally, ease into it slowly. Get him to kiss and lick your stomach, thighs and V-zone slowly with one condition: he can’t spend more than three seconds on any area. After a minute of deliciously torturous attention, you’ll be begging for more.
Be Fearless: Now you’re becoming carnally confident, why not take it a step further? Get a bikini wax (you can go completely bare or leave a little landing strip). He’ll love the visual thrill and, since hair acts as a protective barrier, going au naturel will heighten your senses. Let your new-found confidence drive you to be more expressive in bed. Studies show that talking has a sexy pay-off – women who are open with their partners about what feels good report they climax more regularly than those who don’t.
YOUR FEAR – GETTING NAKED
lf you have a Bridget Jones moment when your clothes come off, it’s easily fixed. First, don’t point out your physical flaws to your man because a) it just trains him to notice them, and more importantly b) worrying distracts you from having a good time. Second, try to concentrate on the physical sensations – his hands running over your breasts or stomach – not what’s going on in your head. ‘There’s really no need to feel anxious,’ promises Ian Kerner, author of He Comes Next (William Morrow & Company). ‘During sex, men are biologically programmed to tune out a woman’s physical flaws. While aroused, they experience a boost in the hormone dopamine, which acts as a screening agent – it makes them view your imperfections as positive traits.’ Thank you, science.
Have Fun: Lie sideways facing away from your man, lift your upper leg and let him enter you from behind. Sideways spooning takes you out of your comfort zone because it lets him caress you all over, but from behind, so you don't feel too exposed. He can feel but not see your breasts, belly and clitoris. This position allows you to relax and focus on your pleasure, not your so-called flaws.
Be Fearless: Tried that and feeling powerful? Now for a bolder move. Climb on top, facing forward, and straddle your man. Then lean back with your arms resting on his shins. Your stomach appears flatter from this angle and your boobs perkier. If you’d rather not go full-frontal, pull his shoulders towards you so you’re both sitting upright with your legs wrapped around each other and your tummies pressed together. This position is very intimate since your faces will be touching and you can wrap your arms around each other. Finally, if you’re worried about jiggling too much, make the ride less bumpy by donning a sexy bra.
YOUR FEAR – GIVING OVER CONTROL
Letting your partner spoil you in bed can be hard because women are often taught to put their own needs last. Plus, letting him make the moves puts you in a vulnerable position. But if he’s in the driving seat, you can stop obsessing about simultaneous orgasms and just focus on your own.
Have Fun: Before you let him take over completely, you need to school him on what works for you. He’ll appreciate the erotic input as long as you handle his ego with care by keeping your requests sexy, so he doesn’t feel like he’s back in year seven. Play the hot/cold game: give your man free range over your body but keep him clued in by saying ‘hot’ when he’s on the right track and ‘cold’ it he strays off course. Soon, he’ll have a better sense of your moan zones. Or try a round of show and tell: grab his hand and slowly trace circles with his fingers in the way you like to be touched, then tell him how much you want him to do it. Remember to keep your tone low and lusty, and never underestimate the benefits of one word: ‘Yes!’ Once he knows what suits you, lie back and let him take over.
Be Fearless: By now he'll have a better sense of how to please you, so give him even more control by asking him to blindfold you. Restricting your sight during sex is wildly exciting because when you don’t know what’s going to happen, your nerve endings stand to attention, which makes his touch feel extra intense. It also forces you to rely on your other senses, which will work overtime to compensate – especially touch and taste. Tried that? Then lead by primal example. Show him how you’d like to be manhandled by mounting him, pinning his wrists down on the bed and riding him like a bronco. He’ll pick up on your carnal cues and return the frisky favour.
YOUR FEAR – INITIATING SEX
This one can sound scary – what if you get turned down? – but, equally, role reversal can be a huge passion pusher. ‘Men are used to taking control, so it’s especially exciting when you turn the tables,’ says Yvonne K Fulbright, author of Touch Me There! (Hunter House Publishers) ‘Men are turned on by a woman who takes control of her sexual needs and he'll lust after you even more since you’ll be in charge of his pleasure. Another plus: calling the shots in bed can result in more confidence and assertiveness outside it.’
Have Fun: The good news is that you don’t have to pull anything overtly sexual to get his juices flowing. In fact, anything that gets him thinking about sex should do the trick. Try these tricks to push his buttons. While you’re taking a shower in the morning, leave the door ajar. The sound of water and the thought of you wet, naked and clean will inspire him to get dirty. Or when you know he’s on his way home, send him a sexy text, along the lines of, ‘l’m horny, where are you?’ Lastly when you’re getting dressed, have him walk in on you while you’re donning a bra, pants and heels. Once you’ve let him know you’re hot for him, it’ll take all of two seconds for him to let you know he’s hot for you, too.
Be Fearless: Get him to sit so his back is resting against a wall, and slowly lower yourself on top of him, keeping your feet flat on the floor. Rest your hands on the wall behind him and bounce up and down on his shaft, alternating between shallow and deep thrusts. ‘Most of the nerve endings are at the entrance of the vagina,’ explains Kerner. ‘But lots of different factors, like G-spot stimulation, cervical pressure and clitoral contact, contribute to you reaching The Big O. When you vary between shallow and deep movement you’ll hit all these zones, sending your sensations into overdrive.’ He’ll love the sight of your parts bouncing around – and your quads will get a workout, too!
YOUR FEAR – YOU’RE BORING BECAUSE YOU LIKE MISSIONARY
One of the great things about the good old man-on-top position is that it’s so intimate – your faces are close enough to kiss, you can make continuous eye contact and the length of your bodies are pressed together. But just because he’s setting the pace doesn’t mean you can't shake things up. Don’t be afraid to add moves to make this oldie-but-goody sizzle in a whole new way.
Have Fun: Try the CAT (Coital Alignment Technique). Once your man is inside you, move up so the base of his penis and pelvic bone are aligned with your clitoris. Instead of thrusting, rock from side to side. If you need to, place a pillow under your bottom. He’ll have to peel you off the ceiling.
Be Fearless: Ready to take it up a notch? Create more G-spot-friendly leverage by bringing your knees to your chest, or placing a pillow under your bottom. If you’re feeling flexible you can bend your legs, placing your feet on his chest. Or put your legs flat on the bed, straighten them out and squeeze your thighs together for a deeper, tighter fit.