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2. Men are sweatier creatures than women. New Scientist magazine put a group of volunteers in a sweltering car. The men lost 250 grams of sweat per hour – 70 grams more than the women.

3. Have you ever wondered why, during the night, you’ll be shivering under the blankets while he’ll kick off his half to sprawl in all his naked glory? It’s because men have more heat-generating muscle mass than women, which keeps him warm for longer.

4. A man’s testicles are a few degrees cooler than the rest of his body to keep his sperm at a safe temperature.

5. When he’s in cold water, his scrotal muscles will bring his testicles closer to his body heat. In hot weather, his balls hang lower, so they can catch a breeze.

6. Surprise, surprise, the male brain devotes a bigger area to spatial skills like mechanics than to verbal communication.

7. The more often a guy orgasms, the less semen his body produces. So if his last orgasm was yesterday, he could release up to a tablespoon of fluid today. But if it’s only been a few hours, he’ll trickle out much less.

8. A guy’s eyelids and scrotum are ultra-sensitive to your touch, because they don’t contain any fat cells under the skin.

9. The insides of a man’s ankles are extremely sensitive, because they’re neurologically connected to his sex organs. Massaging them gently will heighten his arousal.

10. Guys’ nipples have the same pleasure-receptive nerve endings that ours do. So don’t forget to give them lots of attention during foreplay!

11. Despite what you might think, two-thirds of a man’s sexual reproduction system is inside his body, not on the outside.

12. The male brain produces less of the chemicals serotonin and oxytocin than a woman’s brain. Serotonin has a calming effect and oxytocin relates to bonding behaviour.

13. During ejaculation, a man produces between two and five millilitres of semen, containing between 50 and 150 million sperm per millilitre.

14. The average speed of ejaculation is 45 kilometres per hour.

15. While he’s having an orgasm, a man’s heartbeat and breathing rate can increase to as much as two-and-a-half times their normal levels.

16. If his ring finger is a little bit longer than his index finger, research shows he has a larger than usual amount of testosterone coursing through his body.

17. The typical young guy will spend up to 40% of the time he’s asleep sporting an erection. Believe it or not, it’s actually his body’s way of keeping his penis healthy.

]]> Thu, 29 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/straight-women-lesbian-sex
According to Johannesburg psychologist Dr Janne Dannerup, most women contemplate having an intimate experience with another woman at some stage of their lives, and experimentation has become increasingly socially acceptable. ‘The subculture that regards same-sex experimentation as a sign of freedom and empowerment is on the rise,’ she says. ‘And as our society moves towards increasing gender equality, we’ve become less focused on gender separation and more tolerant of sexual relations that cross the boundaries of traditional gender pairings.’

WHY WOMEN EXPERIMENT
According to Johannesburg psychologist Katherine Bain, this kind of sexual experimentation might be an act of curiosity, an attempt at deeper intimacy or even the beginning of an acknowledgment of homosexuality. ‘All women have the potential to experience intimacy with other women,’ she says. ‘Whether this intimacy is extended to a sexual arena is dependent on factors such as upbringing, religion and the fulfilment experienced in a current relationship.’

For many girls, the first lesbian encounter occurs during adolescence. ‘This is the time women begin to grapple with identity issues,’ says Bain. While for some experimentation is investigative, for others it might take the form of rebellion against societal norms such as settling down and starting a family, says Dannerup. Other women start fantasising or experimenting only when their male partner has failed to satisfy their needs, while traumatic experiences with men could also be a catalyst. ‘A woman might find that sexual intimacy with men reopens the trauma, so she seeks a safer form of intimacy with another woman,’ says Dannerup. A further reason: if a woman has emotionally satisfying and open interactions with her female friends, she might wonder whether this intensity could be replicated in a sexual encounter.

WHAT’S THE TURN-ON?
Since my first ‘lesbian’ kiss, I have kissed several more girls of all ages and races who were in various stages of relationships. In most cases I was motivated by the thrill of engaging in slightly taboo behaviour. Again, it was rarely the result of desire. But according to Dannerup, desire is not a prerequisite. ‘When a woman finds that her male partner has little understanding of her sexual and intimacy needs, it’s logical for her to wonder whether a woman wouldn’t have more sensitivity and insight,’ she says.

Most women find the experience intense and tender. ‘It was definitely softer and less passionate than with a man,’ remembers Tracie. ‘I missed the hard muscles – but it was more tranquil, almost like there was no rush to end it.’ Intuition is another big factor. According to Cathy*, 28, a teacher in Johannesburg, whose experimentation led to her realisation that she was bisexual, women anticipate better than men. ‘The first time it was as though she could read my mind and knew exactly how I wanted to be touched,’ she says. She felt vulnerable yet safe at the same time when making love to her girlfriend. ‘I also found arousing a woman far more satisfying to witness than pleasuring a man.’

LABELLING IT
You’ve experienced a passionate kiss with your best friend, you’re still 100% turned on by the hot guy on the dance floor and, unlike Cathy, you’re certain you’re not bisexual. Still, you wonder what that kiss really meant. Could you be lesbian?

‘It is more useful to look at sexual orientation as a sort of spectrum with heterosexuality at one end and homosexuality at the other, rather than looking at these as two distinct categories,’ says Bain. ‘Over the course of their lives many women move up and down the spectrum as they explore their sexuality and their needs for nurture and connection.’

Tracie still considers herself to be straight. For her, that night was purely about exploration. Sonya*, 30, a journalist in Johannesburg, has had two lesbian experiences and also sees herself as heterosexual. ‘If you have respect for yourself and whoever you’re in bed with, you’re on the right track,’ she says. ‘Whether it’s a man or woman is irrelevant.’

*Names have been changed

]]> Fri, 23 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/just-one-taste-pg1
‘Regular sex is spontaneous, thus hard to schedule,’ says Dawson. ‘The result is that it often falls off the to-do list altogether.’ However the OneTaste method doesn’t focus on regular sex, she says, rather its primary focus is on having slow sex. ‘Slow sex can be planned in advance, so you can slot it into your life more easily – meaning you have a better chance of keeping the date.’

TOUCH ME ON MY…
OneTaste uses a method called ‘Orgasmic Meditation’ or ‘OMing’, a simple exercise that helps both partners pay attention to their feelings of desire, says Dawson. One partner, most often the guy, lightly strokes the other for 15 minutes, she explains. ‘During this time, both partners pay attention to the point of contact between them, noticing the sensations the stroke generates in their bodies.’ You can ask him to go faster, slower, softer or harder, it all depends on you, she adds. Afterwards, she suggests you verbally share one moment of sensation you felt during your OM exercise.

TAKE IT SLOW
There’s a preconceived notion that the longer sex lasts, the better it is, says Dawson. She believes you can get the same pleasure from 15 minutes of slow sex as you can from a full-on sex marathon. ‘We always seem to be going faster and harder in our world today,’ she says. But slow sex is gentle and relaxing. ‘It proves that shorter can indeed be sweeter.

‘In regular sex, reciprocity rules,’ says Dawson. But, with slow sex, a woman can enjoy a well-deserved break, she says. ‘Before you feel sorry for the guys, you should know that many men credit this method as some of the best sex they’ve had in their lives. Women definitely underestimate the satisfaction a man gets from knowing he is doing right by his woman.

‘Ironically, many women experience sex as stressful, at least some of the time,’ says Dawson. If you’re worried about climaxing or your performance, you won’t be able to enjoy the intimacy at all,’ she says. ‘In slow sex, all you have to do is lie back and pay attention to the feeling of being stroked. The result? You actually feel sex for a change.’ It teaches you how to get more from your sex life, she adds, especially in terms of desire, sensation, connection and intimacy. ‘It’s about slowing down, taking the time to feel your body, your true desire and your partner.’

Slow sex has three steps. Here, Dawson explains exactly what you should be doing and the questions you should be asking yourself.

Step #1: Simplicity	First, strip sex down. Leave behind the toys, the fancy positions, and the harder-and-faster mentality. All you need to get more from sex is your body, just as it is, right now.
Step #2: Attention
Step #3: Desire

]]> Fri, 16 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-myths-pg1
Here, South Africa’s sex experts divulge what they think are the biggest sex myths in the world today.

Myth #1: Orgasms Are Quick and Easy	‘If there is a rule about orgasms, it’s this: the harder you try to have one, the further away it seems to go. In other words, if you keep pushing yourself to make one happen, you’ll end up feeling less aroused than when you started (and a whole lot more bad-tempered!). Be careful not to become so involved in trying to reach an orgasm that it becomes the only reason you and your partner are intimate. Don’t make orgasm your goal – because if you don’t achieve that goal immediately, you will feel extremely disappointed. Your partner may even feel that you are disappointed with him, or you may feel that you failed your partner by not reaching orgasm. However, pretending to orgasm is also not a solution. Remember, you are not the only woman to ever have trouble achieving orgasm. Every woman has to experiment to find the right formula for herself. For some, it might be a breathtaking experience and for others, it might be a light flutter in the stomach. Statistics show most women achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation, and only a few through vaginal stimulation. The best recipe for having an orgasm is: relax, take your time, focus on the pleasure of stimulation and enjoy each other as much as possible.’ - Leandie Buys, Port Elizabeth-based clinical sexologist and author of Seasons of Sex (Naledi)
Myth #2: It’s All About The G-Spot
Myth #3: The Three-Times-a-Week Rule
Myth #4: Sex Should Be Hassle-Free
Myth #5: Size Counts…
Myth #6: It Has To Be All…Or Nothing

]]> Fri, 09 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/master-your-four-play
The first element of beyond-great sex is intimacy; by increasing levels of closeness between you and your man you’ll take your sex life to a whole new level. ‘Intimacy in the bedroom is the difference between having sex and making love,’ explains psychotherapist Emma Gold. ‘It bonds you as a couple and makes you more affectionate outside the bedroom, too.’

Secondly, there’s the mental element – being able to switch off from credit-card bills and focus on the moment. ‘The best technique in the world will have little effect if your attention is focused on the fact that the ceiling needs painting,’ says online-dating expert, Kelly Russell. ‘If you ignore the mental element of sex, you ignore the biggest sex organ of all – your brain.’

Once you’re relaxed and your brain is tuned into your orgasmic potential, the physical element – positions and techniques – becomes equally important. And the fourth ingredient – perhaps the one we forget most – is laughter. ‘People take sex far too seriously,’ warns Dr Pam Spurr, author of Sex, Guys And Chocolate (Robson Books). ‘Yes, it can be amazing, and good for your relationship and overall health, but that doesn’t mean you should approach it like two scientists working on a formula. Being able to laugh about sex slip-ups, rather than being humiliated, is a more positive approach.’

Different experiences tick different boxes – and to make sure all four elements are covered in your bedroom repertoire, simply pick and choose moves from our steamy collection of must-try tricks. Your four-play will lead to orgasms worth screaming about!

EYE DO
For really intense, emotional sex, try The Love Boat: sit on your man’s lap with him inside you and your legs around him. Then gently rock back and forth. This is the ideal position for intense eye contact and clitoral stimulation, by hand. Tantric gurus promote it for its ‘sharing of breath’, and they should know because practitioners are famed for being able to make love this way for several hours. With the addition of a ‘power lube’, though, you won’t be able to keep that orgasm at bay for long. These lubricants give an extra tingle when rubbed on the clitoris. ‘For women, a sensation-enhancing lubricant can be the difference between good sex and great sex,’ says Russell. ‘And if you think that seems a little one-sided in your favour, don’t forget that the bigger our orgasm, the more powerful our vaginal contractions – utter bliss to a penis, often triggering orgasm for him instantly.’

MODEL BEHAVIOUR
We’ve all heard of women posing for sexy photos taken by their men, but now it’s time to let guys do the posing for a change. ‘A lot of men will initially feel awkward in front of the camera. It takes them a while to relax into being photographed and their way of dealing with it is to fool around, so male photo shoots can be a real giggle,’ says erotic photographer Nahid de Belgeonne. ‘But once they’ve relaxed, it makes them feel sexy and more confident. And for a woman, handling the camera puts her in a position of control and gives a sexually charged buzz.’

COCOON COUPLE
If you’re in the mood but just can’t get that snide comment from your boss out of your head, you can create a cocoon around the two of you that will protect you from outside distractions. ‘It takes practice, but it can be done,’ says Dr Spurr. ‘Just imagine a soft cocoon wrapped around your bodies, then focus on the part of your lover that turns you on – maybe it’s his cute bum. As you touch each other, concentrate on how much you love that part of him.’

LAVENDER LOVE
Taking a bath together is a classic way of simultaneously unwinding and getting turned on, and using lavender oil will help you relax. But after the bath, try this twist: ‘Go straight to a massage, ending at the front of your upper thighs,’ says Gold. ‘Not only are they shiatsu sexual-trigger points, but they also happen to be in the right general direction for some labial massaging, too.’ Labial massaging can be done with sensual water-based lubricants (oils can damage condoms so they aren’t recommended if that’s your chosen contraceptive). Ask him to simultaneously stroke his thumbs down your labia towards your buttocks in small circles and then back up again. This will stimulate the full length of your clitoris, including the unseen part that extends 9cm inside your body.

ABSTINENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER
Sometimes, the best sex tip is not to have sex at all. ‘Spend an evening doing everything but penetration,’ says Gold. ‘Not only is foreplay often the best bit for women, but not being “allowed” to do something makes you want it even more. So when you do finally succumb, it will be 10 times hotter.’ Kelly, a 29-year-old sales executive from Manchester, took this a step further: ‘My ex once suggested we describe having sex and exactly what we’d like to do to each other, and then not do it for an entire week,’ she says. ‘The sex was really good at the end of the week because there’d been six days of foreplay leading up to it.’

THE 96
There’s nothing like an extravagant, complicated sex position to give you a sense of adventure and get you laughing. So, try the 96 for size. It’s a reverse 69 – carefully follow our step-by-step guide and take it slowly.
1. He sits upright, legs straight out in front of him, leaning back on his arms for support.
2. You stand behind him and climb forward over his shoulders, so your upper thighs are resting on his shoulders and his tongue can reach your hotspots.
3. Then lean all the way forward until you’re completely upside down and your face is conveniently near his penis. Put one hand on the bed to keep your balance.
4. You should now be in the perfect position for mutual oral. But beware – it takes strength and skill. If you manage it, you’ll feel like you’ve got through a team-building exercise and it’ll bring you closer, plus, you’ll both get a great oral buzz. If you don’t manage it, you’ll have a lot of fun trying.

THE TIP TIP
A purely physical rush heightens the mental and emotional elements with some gorgeous sexual spice. For men, their preferred spice is blow-job flavoured and Gold believes she’s found the ultimate technique. ‘There’s a little-known “less is more” blow-job strategy that puts men into a coma-like state, due to the intensity of the orgasm it causes. Make lots of tiny licks only over the head of the penis – I tried it and, sure enough, the man concerned could neither move nor speak for ages afterwards.’

To make sure your man returns the favour, lick the head of his penis in the same way you would like him to lick your clitoris – once he’s out of his sex coma, remind him it’s your turn.

RIDE HIM, COWGIRL
‘In woman-on-top positions, you have complete control over speed. In rear-entry positions you get deeper penetration so your man seems bigger,’ says Russell. (Not that size is important, guys, obviously!) ‘It also allows you full access to your orgasm switch, aka the clitoris.’ For these reasons, the Reverse Cowgirl With A Twist is a physical winner.

Straddle your man in the standard woman-on-top position, facing him, then with him still inside you, slowly turn your body around until you’re facing his feet. The spin will feel amazing for him. Then, while rocking up and down, coat your hand in lubricant and rub your clitoris with the palm of your hand, so your fingertips are stroking his testicles at the same time. And here comes the funny part: We dare you to shout, ‘Yee-ha!’ and keep a straight face.

SURPRISE!
Go on, do something totally unpredictable – it’ll skyrocket your sex life. ‘OK, so you know if he rubs your clitoris 30 times clockwise, you’ll climax without fail, but that won’t give you great sex every day,’ points out Russell. So dare yourself to do something a little unusual, like Jennifer, a 23-year-old hairdresser. ‘Last summer my boyfriend drove me out to the countryside,’ she recalls. ‘We pulled over, then I opened the sunroof and sat on top of the car with my legs dangling down. He stayed inside and gave me the best oral sex of my life. Being in the sun and risking being caught gave sex a completely new edge.’ Even when things go wrong, spontaneity can bring you closer. ‘I remember once trying to have sex in a nightclub toilet with my boyfriend,’ says Claire, a 25-year-old PA. ‘We couldn’t do it standing up because the height difference was too much. Then I broke the seat by trying to stand on it in stilettos. When someone in the next cubicle asked for toilet paper, we wisely gave up, but it’s something we still laugh about now!’

SECRET LOVER
The biggie, without which none of these other tricks will work, is this: share your secrets. ‘By allowing your partner to see your vulnerable side, perhaps by acknowledging your self-consciousness or revealing a bad past experience, you allow a man to show his more caring side,’ says Gold. ‘When we expose our vulnerabilities and meet a loving response, we get a strong emotional connection. It’s this connection, more than any other factor, that will guarantee more powerful sex.’

]]> Fri, 02 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-hes-feeling-pg1

STAGE 1: The Tease	His Brain ‘A man’s desire can be triggered by almost anything – a subtle stroke, a provocative image or the sound of a woman’s voice at a certain pitch,’ explains Dr Ian Kerner, author of He Comes Next (Harper Collins). But, interestingly, the first question that runs through his head when he feels that initial sexual stirring is, ‘Is it okay to raise the mast?’ ‘No guy wants to get an erection at an inappropriate time,’ says Kerner. ‘This push-pull state of wanting to go with his desire and possibly needing to restrain it fuels his excitement.’ His Body As soon as your man’s mind switches over to sex, his body begins to prickle with anticipation. ‘His temperature starts to rise and chemical messengers released into his bloodstream make his skin supersensitive,’ explains Dr Susan Kellogg, director of sexual medicine at the Pelvic and Sexual Health institute of Philadelphia in the US. Every impulse in his body is focused on his sexual gratification to come.... Work It To The Max Tease him like crazy. ‘He’s at a stage when he’s half letting himself go and half holding back, so make him lose control,’ says Kerner. ‘The key is to use teasing moves that will make him ache for you.’ So confess to a dirty dream you had about him or touch him in a sexual way – but in a nonsexual setting. Keep it light. Right now, the tiniest movements feel massive, which is why you should keep your touches soft and unexpected. ‘Take advantage of his physically on-edge state by keeping him guessing where your lips, nips and strokes will hit next,’ says US sex expert Dr Ava Cadell. Run your nails down his torso, graze your lips across his collarbone or lightly tap his butt.
STAGE 2: The Build-Up
STAGE 3: The Stamina Stretch
STAGE 4: The Climax

]]> Fri, 25 Jun 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/feel-more-aroused-pg1 The Great Lover Playbook (Gotham Books).

That’s why your guy may be ready for action way before you’ve reached a boiling point. Try these moves (one or all!) to reach a sexy frame of mind by the time you get together with him.

Step 1: Build Up Some X-rated Anticipation	Set the stage as soon as your workday ends by calling your guy to tell him you can’t wait to see him. ‘This reorients your mind toward your partner,’ says Lonnie Barbach, PhD, author of Turn-Ons (Plume). ‘Plus, knowing that he’s looking forward to your evening together will amp up your excitement too.’
Step 2: Sexify Your Commute
Step 3: Just Relax
Step 4: Take a Steamy Shower

]]> Thu, 17 Jun 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/speak-sex-in-any-language

FOR THE SPANISH SEÑORES	FOR YOUR FRENCH FANCY
Would you like a drink? ¿Te apetece una copa? (te a.pe.te.the oo.na ko.pa) Do you have a condom? ¿Tienes un condón? (tye.nes oon kon.don) Touch me here Tócame aqui (to.ka.me a.kee) Faster/harder/slower Rápido/fuerte/despacio (ra.pee.do/fwer.te/des.pa.thyo) I (don’t) like that. Eso (no) me gusta (e.so (no) me goos.ta) Can you call a taxi for me? ¿Me puede pedir un taxi? (me pwe.de pe.deer oon tak.see)	Do you come here often? Tu viens ici souvent? (tew vyun ee.see soo.von) Let’s go to bed! On va se coucher (on va ser koo.shay) Let’s use a condom On va utiliser un préservatif (on va ew.tee.lee.zay un pray.zair.va.teef) I like that J’aime ça (zhem sa) Don’t stop! N’arréte pas! (na.ret pa) That was amazing C’était excellent (say.tay ek.say.lon)
A LITTLE TURKISH DELIGHT	FOR AN ITALIAN AFFAIR
Kiss me Öp beni (erp be.nee) Touch me Dokun bana (do.koon ba.na) Do you have a condom? Prezervatifin var m? (pre.zer.va.tee.feen var muh) Oh my God! Aman tanrm! (a.man tan.ruhm) Faster/slower Daha hzl/daha yavas (da.ha huhz.luh/ da.ha ya.vash) I think we should stop now Daha ileri gitmeyelim (da.ha e.Ie.ree geet.me.ye.Ieem)	Would you like a drink? Prendi qualcosa da bere? (pren.dee kwai.ko.za da be.re) I want to make love to you Voglio fare l’amore con te (vo.Iyo fa.re Ia mo.re kon te) Touch me here Toccami qui (To.ka.mee kwee) Harder/faster/softer/slower Più forte/ più veloce/ piu dolcemente/ più Ientamente (pyoo for.te/ pyoo ve.lo.che/ pyoo doI.che.men.te/ pyoo Ien.ta.men.te) That was amazing E stato stupendo (e sta.to stoo.pen.do) Not if you were the last person on earth! Neanche se tu fossi l’uItima persona sulla terra! (ne.an.ke se too fo.see/ lool.tee.ma per.so.na soo.Ia te.ra)

LOST IN TRANSLATION?
If you don’t speak the lingo, it’s easy to confuse a simple, ‘Passport, pIease?’ for ‘Would you like sex?’ Find out how well you’ll fare with our quick quiz. Get any wrong and you’d better pay close attention when speaking to hot foreign men!

A sexy Spaniard comes up and says, ‘¿Quieres entrar a tomar algo?’ Is he asking...
a) Which way to the tomato festival?
b) Do you want to come inside for a drink?
c) Which side of the bed do you prefer?

You’ve been flirting with a beautiful Italian on the beach when he asks, ‘Hai un preservativo?’ Is he asking...
a) Do you have a life jacket?
b) Do you have a condom?
c) Do you have any jam?

You meet a gorgeous Turkish man at the local nightclub, who says to you, ‘Harika dans ediyorsunuz.’ Is he saying...
a) You’re a fantastic dancer.
b) Let’s do it on my boat.
c) My kebabs are excellent.

A foxy Frenchman spots you from across the bar and says, ‘Tu es complètement imbue de toi-même!’ Is he saying...
a) You complete me!
b) You are the image of my mother!
c) Your ego is out of control!

Correct Answers: b, b, a, c

]]> Fri, 11 Jun 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/little-touches-pg1 do get into – namely the ones below.

THE ARM LOCK	That casual way you lace your arm through ours as we walk side by side might seem subtle, but it's one of those traditional, old-school gestures that makes us feel strong, protective, and desirable – even if we're actually more skinny than studly. 'I love knowing my girlfriend feels safe around me,' says Andrew, 23. 'And when she grabs my arm, it's like she is excited to be seen with me and wants other women to know I'm hers.'
THE STEALTH CARESS
THE WHISPER
THE ASS GRAB

]]> Mon, 31 May 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/secrets-of-good-skype-sex-pg1
Skype enables users to have a phone conversation over the Internet with anyone, anywhere in the world. It even features a web camera, so you can be face-to-face for a bit of cross-country loving. Sexual health expert Jill Michelson from Marie Stopes International says Skype sex is ideal for people with a physical intimacy barrier. 'It works wonders at keeping the fires burning in your relationship.' And the best part? It's free – just visit their website to download it.

… AND HOW TO 'DO IT'

1. Choose The Moment	'It's often very difficult for even the most adventurous of couples to initiate at first,' explains Michelson. 'So pick a time that suits the moment – probably not while you're discussing the overdue electricity bill! Rather suggest it when you're both talking about how much you miss each other and how you wish you could be having sex right now.'
2. Plan Ahead
3. Set The Mood
4. Be Prepared
5. Visualise

]]> Fri, 28 May 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sexual-nostalgia-pg1

SEX SECRET #1	Never stay in a relationship just for the sex. 'Men and women are completely different when it comes to sex. Men are visually stimulated, but women's libidos are affected by their emotions, their physical health and their psychological health. To have great sex, you need to take a holistic view of yourself and analyse each aspect of your life. If you are overstressed, unhealthy or in a relationship that's not working, your sex life and your libido will be affected. Use this as a kind of litmus test to evaluate your current position in life and to identify areas that need work. However, there are always the rare exceptions in relationships where the sex is great, but the relationship is destructive. Never ever stay in a relationship just for the sex.' - Leandie Buys, clinical sexologist
SEX SECRET #2
SEX SECRET #3
SEX SECRET #4

]]> Thu, 20 May 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/orgasms-unlimited-pg1
'The average woman is built to come again and again,' says Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, coauthor of The Multi-Orgasmic Woman (HarperOne). Meaning that once you've mastered that first peak, the climb to the next one is absolutely obtainable. 'Women don't require a refractory period like men do, so we're able to stay aroused for longer and orgasm a second and third time with little effort,' says Dr. Abrams.

Of course, sometimes just having a single full-body earthquake offers one hundred percent satisfaction, and some of you might feel like calling it a night after your usual one-timer. That's fine. After all, having the option is the key. However, for those times when you can't get enough, simply take these moregasm tips to heart (and to bed), and discover how to double your fun.

MOREGASM TIP 1	Don't Be Single-Minded The first step in plural peaking: Tune in to the mind-body connection. If you go into the session with limited expectations of your orgasm, you'll actually cause your body to limit its pleasure responses. In other words, if you assume you can only come once during intercourse... you will. The reason why understanding your frame of mind is so important? 'After you've gotten there for the first time, rather than switching off mentally and sexually – which is what you do when you assume you've reached the finale – you need to remain expectant and open to further arousal,' says Dr. Abrams. 'It's all about knowing that your body is fully capable, even built, to experience deeper, longer, and more frequent orgasms.' Once you have the right attitude, the next step is making sure that you have some time on your hands. 'One of the biggest misconceptions women have about multiple orgasms is that they happen by chance or that they're some sort of fluke,' says Dr. Abrams. 'But like anything else, they require a little effort and planning that you don't get from on-the-fly quickies.' There's just no point in getting mentally geared up for all that extra action if you're not in the right circumstances to be able to enjoy yourself with your man. And finally, make your guy privy to your mission... kind of. 'He won't just get that you're in the mood for something more drawn out,' says Dr. Abrams. But rather than putting the pressure on him by mentioning the word multiple, set him a carnal challenge he can get excited about. 'Tell him that tonight you want to feel the slow burn. And to get that, you really want to draw out foreplay, and you have a few ideas for the main event too,' says Dr. Abrams, This way, you create a situation where he's not only keen to please, but he's eagerly anticipating your direction too.
MOREGASM TIP 2
MOREGASM TIP 3
MOREGASM TIP 4
MOREGASM TIP 5

]]> Fri, 14 May 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-golden-probe Q: Will I be stopped by airport security if I travel with my vibrator?
A: Not if you follow these rules: don't keep your toys in your hand luggage, as this is where you are most likely to be flagged by security. Pack batteries separately, because airport security keeps an eye out for battery-powered objects. (It will also stop your gadgets going off by accident.) And stick with small, discreet items that don't scream 'sex toy'.

Q: Is there any real difference between an expensive sex toy and a vastly cheaper one?
A: You get what you pay for. The cheap stuff doesn't last long, feel as good or have as many pleasure features as the premium stuff. Cheaper materials tend to be plastic, while the platinum grades are silicone and life-like materials like Cyberskin, Futurotic and acrylic. More expensive toys won't burn through batteries as quickly either.

Q: Do I have to get a new toy with each new lover?
A: If it's made of non-absorbent material (silicone, acrylic, glass, hard plastic), you only need to replace it if you haven't been washing it properly. But lose if it it's made of latex, Cyberskin or jelly – it's not made for sharing.

]]> Fri, 07 May 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-secrets-all-men-keep
GUY SEX SECRET 1
They C-R-A-V-E Being Seduced
Your making the first move tops his lust list. 'Men are expected to lead the way, but his wet dream is for his woman to jump him once in a while,' says Michael Perry, PhD, a sex therapist. Or more often than that, says John*, 29: 'I have yet to find a girlfriend who initiates sex nearly as often as I do,' he says. 'My last girlfriend took the lead so rarely I vowed never to date another woman who needs three margaritas just to tell me she's horny.'
Read-his-mind tip: Trade off playing Pleasure Captain with your man. When you are alone together at home, go the bold-babe route by slipping his pants off and having your way with him.

GUY SEX SECRET 2
They Choose Positions That Make Their Bodies Look Good in Bed
Men are not just concerned with chiselled biceps and six-pack abs, says Patti Britton, PhD, sexologist. They also want to measure up downtown. Says Andre, 34: 'Besides making our belly look flat, a secret reason guys love girl-on-top is our erection is exposed all the way when we're lying on our back, so it looks as large as possible.'
Read-his-mind tip: Crouch on all fours sideways in front of a mirror, so he can watch his penis penetrate you from a flattering side angle. Or lie on your back and rest your feet on his shoulders. The tight fit will make him feel huge as he enters your narrowed vagina.

GUY SEX SECRET 3
They Pretend to Have More Experience Than They Actually Do
'I've never handed her a list or anything, but I've given my girlfriend the idea that I've had sex with more women than I really have,' says Charlie, 28. 'My real number is five, and for some reason, that embarrasses me.' It comes down to this erotic equation: Less experience equals less confidence. 'Without a database of moves he knows pleases a variety of women, he's likely uncomfortable exploring your body to the fullest,' says Perry.
Read-his-mind tip: In bed, take his hand and show him exactly the speed and pressure with which you like to be pleasured. Use words like here, slower, and harder, and praise him when he gets it right. 'You'll give yourself satisfaction and him the gift of self-assurance that he's fully capable of getting you off,' says Perry. Those belt-notch fears will soon fall away.

GUY SEX SECRET 4
They Have Shocking Fantasies During Sex
Okay, don't freak. 'It's perfectly normal for men to fantasise about someone other than their partner during sex,' says Perry. 'It's almost reflexive as he builds toward orgasm.' Take Dan, 28, for example: 'The girl I'm seeing is incredibly sexy, but yeah, sometimes when we're doing it, especially right before I come, I fantasise about my ex, a woman from my office, or even a porn flick. There could also be an imaginary hot girl involved. But obviously I would never hurt my girlfriend's feelings by telling her that.'
Read-his-mind tip: Though you don't need to explore your man's lusty imagination, you do need to accept that he has one. If you feel like you can handle it, probe a bit. 'If you want to get in on his fantasy fun, ask him to whisper a sexy scene that includes you while you make love,' says Perry. 'If he's shy about it, try telling him one of your fantasies first.'

GUY SEX SECRET 5
They Wonder If You're Having a Hot Time
A man's sexual pleasure comes partly from seeing his partner aroused, says Britton. 'If he doubts her pleasure is genuine, he is going to be distracted and the sex will be less exciting.' Says George, 27: 'I thought my college girlfriend loved it when I went down on her. Two years later, I found out she was faking it all that time, which wigged me out. After we broke up and I started dating other girls, I wondered if they were faking it too.'
Read-his-mind tip: Don't pretend to be a porno-style shrieker, but if you have an urge to moan or be verbally bold during sex, go for it. Hint: The more physically specific you are, like groaning into the move so your bodies cling closer or clutching his hand to your hot spot, the more he'll know you're loving it.

GUY SEX SECRET 6
They're Too Shy to Ask You to Try Kinky Stuff
It's very common among men to think about doing something taboo, Perry says. 'But they're often afraid they'll be thought of as a pervert, so they're unwilling to ask for anything that might be perceived as such.' That fear is what's been keeping Brendan, 30, from talking: 'There are one or two racy things I would be really into, like playing doctor with my girlfriend, but I could never say that to her. It's kind of out of respect. I feel like she would be a little horrified.'
Read-his-mind tip: If you're open to erotic adventuring, let him in on your carnal curiosity (drop a hint, write a note, or take a deep breath and ask). Once you open up, he's likely to spill his naughtiest thoughts. But what if his randy request falls outside your bounds? Soften it a little. Say he's secretly dying to do it in public. If your reaction is 'No way,' consider doing it in the car while parked on a quiet street. 'By realising even 20% of his most exotic desire,' says Britton, 'you'll blow his mind.'

*Names have been changed

]]> Fri, 30 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/get-clicked-on
CLITERATI
Not for the faint-hearted; it'll definitely make you blush.
Pros: This is the online destination for seriously dirty stories to share with your boyfriend. Find your favourite story, then bring it to the bedroom so you can amuse him with a tale he's sure to want to re-enact with you.
Cons: It's not exactly an attractive site and you might feel like you're browsing a cheap, porn website.

LUSTY LIBRARY – Stories For The Sexual Intellectual
While this too may look like a shifty porn site, the content is super steamy.
Pros: With 25 different genres to choose from, including 'Exotic Erotic', 'Celebrity' and 'Quickie', hours of reading pleasure is at your fingertips.
Cons: You have to register before you can read anything.

JONATHAN PHILIPS EROTICA
This is by far the most professional-looking site – for the more sophisticated cliterature fan.
Pros: If the idea of browsing the Internet for cliterature at work makes you feel a little uneasy, give Jonathan Philips Erotica a try. The content might not be tame, but at least it'll look like you're surfing for home décor tips and not dirty stories. SFW.
Cons: The genre categories aren't straightforward. Instead of scrolling down to find 'Student and Teacher Fantasies', you're more likely to find 'A Little Slap & Tickle'. We know what that link will lead to, but will a first-timer?

SCARLET MAGAZINE UK
And we thought we were saucy… This is truly COSMO-gone-wild.
Pros: The magazine is only available in the UK, but you can buy a digital copy of the current issue online. If you'd prefer to not spend any money, the website is packed with sex stories about schoolgirl positions, cowgirls in nylon and saucy office affairs.
Cons: As with Lusty Library, you have to register before you can read any of the features.

LITEROTICA
While there might be links to nude webcam footage and amateur naked photographs at the bottom of the page, this site really does have a massive archive for you to sift through.
Pros: After you've gone through the entire library, you can click on new submissions and read more. Or perhaps you're interested in the 'Erotic Poetry' section? And if you're feeling daring, there's an audio option where you can listen to the juicy poems the way they were meant to be enjoyed.
Cons: The design isn't very appealing.

DECLAN STANLEY
While he is not only an erotic author, Declan Stanley sure knows how to conjure up a smutty piece of prose.
Pros: 'Molly and Her Mistress Scene 1.' NSFW!
Cons: This site is not limited to cliterature, so if you want something dedicated solely to sexy stories, you might want to read the others we've mentioned. ]]> Thu, 22 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/single-girl-sex-lies
YOUR HEAD SAYS: 'It's just one last shag for old times' sake...'
COSMO SAYS: 'Step away from the ex, NOW!'
Ex-sex is as tempting as a family-size bag of Doritos – with equally bad emotional nutritional value. 'OK, so he knows how to nibble your ear just right to send you through the root with pleasure, but it's impossible to have no-strings sex with an ex. One of you will secretly be hoping you get back together. If he dumped you and you still hold a torch for him, this is like pulling a plaster off slowly – more painful in the end. If you did the dumping, be decent and adult – don't lead him on. The answer is to do lunch, or wedge time with him in between other engagements so you can't go home together.'

OUR HEAD SAYS: 'I'm happy just being bed buddies'
COSMO SAYS: 'It'll end in tears'
Your new conquest isn't ready for a relationship, so you settle for his half-baked offer of some 'fun' and tell yourself you can emotionally disentangle yourself later. Forget it, you can't. 'Most women don't pursue sexual relationships without emotion – men do. Subconsciously, you're hoping he'll fall for you over time. But men tend to choose the path of least resistance. If you give him easy access to sex and fun, he's not going to have an epiphany and decide he wants to add relationship issues and fidelity to this equation. Sex with you is worth holding out for, so think donkey and out-of-reach carrot – he'll want it more.'

YOUR HEAD SAYS: 'It's better to date someone than no one at all'
COSMO SAYS: 'That's a waste of time and lip gloss'
This is an antiquated fallacy that should've died out with PVC jelly shoes. 'Dating Mr Average for the sake of having a date is a drag on your psyche and a sure sign that your self-esteem needs hiking up. You may be giving in to pressure from your coupled-up friends to deliver juicy date stories. Remember, you can only be in one place at one time. While out with a man you're lukewarm about, you could miss out on colliding with a 10/10 candidate. Plus, if you believe in dating karma, it's not nice to string someone along.' Even if he is remarkably skilled at purchasing cocktails. ]]> Fri, 16 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/could-your-relationship-use-a-vibrator The Passion Prescription (Hyperion).

When you hear the word vibrator, you may imagine heavy-duty phallus-shaped machinery with rotating beads and a swivelling head – something only a woman could feel okay curling up with. Well, erase that image, because there has been a revolution in humming bed toys. Now they come in a range of discreet shapes and sizes that make them infinitely more couple-friendly. Since it no longer has to feel like you're bringing a second penis into bed, more women have become open to incorporating vibes into play with their partners.

'Not only can the toys increase a woman's sexual response, making her want sex even more,' says Berman, 'but if they're something she and her guy feel comfortable using together, they can also add an exciting new layer to the couple's routine.' Of course, you'll have to decide if your relationship would benefit from a little extra electricity. To help, we've outlined tips on how to broach the topic, then incorporate the buzzy buddy into the action.

STEP 1
HAVE THE VIBRATOR TALK
You might fear that merely mentioning a sex toy will make your man feel inadequate or think you're some kind of kinky freak. But if you're game to test the waters, consider this: In Berman's study, two-thirds of women said their men were cool with their carnal accoutrements. 'It sends a positive message about a woman – that she's into sex and wants it more often and more intensely,' says Sandor Gardos, PhD, founder of MyPleasure.com. Plus, Gardos says, many men want to get in on the battery-operated action themselves but feel nervous about bringing it up.

Even if you suspect your man would be open to the idea, you still can't just whip it out mid-session – you're going to have to suss out for sure whether he'd be interested by discussing it first. Pick a moment when you're out of the bedroom so the immediate pressure is off. Then, to avoid triggering any insecurities, start by reassuring him that a toy is in no way a stand-in for him.

'To do that, let him know how great he is in bed,' says Gardos. 'Go on to explain that since the sex is already so amazing, you want to take it to the next level and experiment with playthings.' The word vibrator may conjure up images of plastic phalluses crossing swords with his own equipment, so stick to the less intimidating term sex toys.

If he does agree to give it a whirl, make sure you start off small and simple, avoiding vibes that resemble the male member. Opt for something like the bullet or the finger vibe.

STEP 2
LET THE GAMES BEGIN
Foreplay At His (And Your) Fingertips
When first trying out a toy, play around with it during the early stage, before things get really intense. This keeps the experimentation on a light-hearted level, where you can both gauge how you feel about the new bedfellow.

At the same time, you can use it to get extra revved. One of the main things women complain about in bed is that their men don't give them enough pre-sex pampering. Well, a vibrator can cut that prep time and put the couple at the same point on the pleasure path. 'It takes the average man 7 minutes to reach orgasm and the average woman 15 to 20 minutes,' says Berman. 'With the help of a vibrator, she can hit the arousal phase sooner, so they'll be more in sync during intercourse.'

Plus, there's a perk for him too: Using a vibrator involves much less work, so his hand (or tongue) won't go limp from trying to get you into 'go' mode. Rather than giving you a full-body massage, he can run a hand wand all over your body before bringing it to your below-the-belt region. He can also augment his current foreplay routine by using a finger vibe to stimulate you manually or slipping an oral vibe on his tongue before heading down south. If your man is comfortable with the idea, you can turn the tables and use the same turn-on toys to pleasure him during manual or oral action.

Good Vibes
Once you've both gotten the hang of the hummer, you can heat things up a bit and take it to the next stage. If you're like most women, you probably need some help reaching orgasm during the act. 'Only 30% of women are able to climax from intercourse alone,' explains Berman. 'Most need additional clitoral stimulation.'

Rather than having to get yourself into proper alignment with your guy or asking him to please you with his finger while he's trying to stay in the zone himself, offer him a quicker, easier solution. While you're on top or even in doggie-style position, he can gently press a tiny toy – like a bullet – against your clitoris. He'll still get the credit for pleasing you, but he won't wind up with carpal tunnel syndrome. And because it can help bring you to that hard-to-nail simultaneous climax, many women think a vibrator makes them feel more intimate and connected than ever.

Two For One
Some types of equipment actually have the power to stimulate you and your man simultaneously. If it feels awkward to pass your vibrator back and forth to use on each other manually, these multitasking toys could be a sexier solution for you. 'Products like a vibrating penis ring provide pleasure for him as well,' says Victoria Zdrok, PhD, author of Anatomy of Pleasure (Infinity Publishing). 'Plus, they cannot be used without him, so they can ease any anxiety he may have about vibrators making him seem inadequate.'

The ring comes equipped with a miniature buzzing bullet, meant to excite your clitoris. With you on top, position the bullet right over your bliss button, allowing both of you to get good vibrations.

We scoured the shelves for the eight best vibrators to get you going. From waterproof bath buddies to vibrating hippos, you’re bound to have fun with these sexy toys. ]]> Fri, 09 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/your-eggs-ellent-easter-sex-special
EROTIC EASTER SEX POSITIONS (PG)
Get well acquainted with each other's furry bits and go at it like rabbits this weekend. COSMO tells you how...

1. THE BUNNY BONK
HOW IT'S DONE: Both of you kneel down facing the same way. Open your legs slightly so that he can manoeuvre closer to your rear and stick your bottom out a bit until you are almost sitting on his lap. He then holds on to your waist and penetrates you from behind. To make the bonk truly bunnyish, the penetrating motion should be fast and furious.
YOU'LL LOVE IT BECAUSE: His hands are free to touch your breasts and clitoris, and with his penis angled to hit the front wall, you're in for generous G-spot stimulation.

2. THE BUNNY HOP
HOW IT'S DONE: Stand with your back against a wall and your legs slightly apart. Your man faces you and lifts you up so that your legs are wrapped around his waist. Gently lower yourself onto his penis and wrap your arms around his neck. He holds on to your thighs and then hops like a bunny.
YOU'LL LOVE IT BECAUSE: You get to kiss and cuddle, which is great for intimacy. Plus, this primal position is perfect for fast satisfaction.

3. THE KINKY CARROT CLINCH
HOW IT'S DONE: Start off with him lying on his back. Gently nibble on his, um, carrot until it's ready to be completely, um, consumed. Then turn around so your back is facing him and lower yourself onto his carrot. Push your legs back towards his shoulders, relaxing your upper body onto the bed between his feet. Then simply slide up and down, using his feet or the end of the bed for added leverage.
YOU'LL LOVE IT BECAUSE: You're making the moves – dictating how fast or slow the action is and controlling your own orgasm.

4. THE NAUGHTY BUNNY NOSE NUZZLE
HOW IT'S DONE: This is a rabbit's version of a 69, your man lies down on his back and you. Facing his feet, lie flat on top of him. Make sure your genitals are lined up with each other's heads. Then nuzzle away, burrowing your face into each other's pleasure spots.
YOU'LL LOVE IT BECAUSE: You both get to experience the sumptuous pleasure of oral sex simultaneously.

5. THE RANDY RABBIT ROMP
HOW IT'S DONE: Have your man sit against a wall or in a chair. Facing him, straddle his legs and lower yourself onto his lap. Then hold each other's arms or shoulders and do the bunny bounce until you're squealing in ecstasy.
YOU'LL LOVE IT BECAUSE: Your bodies are extremely close together and the skin-on-skin action will make you giddy with pleasure. Plus, your clitoris is at an easy-to-reach angle, allowing him to stroke your love button without interrupting the action.

And one for the chocolate-chicken lovers...

6. THE COCK-A-DOODLE-DO-ME
HOW IT'S DONE: Lie down on your back and pull your knees towards your chest. Your man kneels in front of you, grabs your feet with his hands and pulls your bottom towards him. Put your feet on his chest as he penetrates you. Watch as he hoots with pleasure and works himself towards a crowing climax.
YOU'LL LOVE IT BECAUSE: The deep, intense penetration will have you flapping your arms in pleasure.

THE HORNY HUNT
Forget Easter-egg hunting – this sexy search is all about finding each other's ultimate erogenous zones. Take your time when trying to find these pleasure treasures. Be experimental, be gentle, be naughty and nice, and savour it once you've found it – just like you would a chocolate treat. As always, COSMO is here to direct you…

HIS HOT SPOTS:
NECK – Cover the front and back of his neck with gentle kisses and licks, and watch him squirm with pleasure. But don't suck – lovebites are adolescent.
SCALP – It's probably the last place he'll expect to be touched, so surprise him. Start off with a gentle rub, increasing the pressure as you both get more turned on.
PERINEUM – This is the area between the scrotum and anus. There are loads of nerve endings there and it's really responsive to light touch. It's a great spot to massage just before he orgasms.
SCROTUM – Warning: handle with care. Gently fondle in one hand, or lightly suck and lick. If you can pull this off without laughing, take one (or both) testicles in your mouth and hum.

YOUR HOT SPOTS:
LIPS – Good sex should always start and end with a passionate, wet, sensual kiss. Get him to use his lips, tongue and teeth to play gently with your top and bottom lip.
BEHIND THE KNEES – 'Because of all the never endings behind the knee, you'd be surprised at how crazy a woman can become when you gently lick or nibble the back of her knees,' says David Strovny, sex-education writer for www.askmen.com. 'Be careful not to overdo it though. The area is very sensitive and you must be careful not to make the sensation annoying by getting too rough or tickling her too much.
WRISTS – There's something incredibly erotic about a man nibbling on your wrist – it's sure to send tingles to all the right places. Fingertips are also a great place to be licked and sucked, as they are packed with sensitive never endings.
FEET – 'The sensation of ticklishness can be pleasant for the recipient,' says Strovny. 'Women enjoy having their feet touched and massaged, and some even enjoy having them licked and sucked.' ]]> Thu, 01 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/give-him-the-best-sex-of-his-life
So we prodded a few guys to reveal the 70 toe-curling acts that are on their pleasure menus. Figure out your guy's favourites by trying every single one.

• Come to bed wearing nothing but one of my oversize tee shirts. Then let me discover you don't have any panties on.
• While we're kissing, draw my tongue into your mouth, then suck the tip. It makes me think of what you'll do to my other tip.
• Leave an X-rated message on my cellphone about what you want me to do to you.
• Open your legs wide so I can see your most intimate parts, then show me the pressure and speed that makes you orgasm.
• Place my hands on your breasts. I don't care if you're naked or wearing a sweater. It's a bold move that always gets me going.
• Take off your jeans, then ask me to slide your panties down your legs.
• Stiffen your tongue and slowly lick my neck, right over my Adam's apple.
• Run your fingers through my hair: Sounds tame, but it sends shivers down my spine.
• Gently bite my bottom lip as we ease out of a make-out session. It's electrifying.
• Next time we're at a stuffy event, whisper your filthiest secret to me.
• Leave the bedroom door open so I can 'secretly' watch you undress.
• If you wear a red G-string and a lacy bra one night then the next night you're in cotton short-shorts, I'll be constantly aroused because I won't know what to expect.
• As we're going at it in the missionary position, wrap your legs around my back and dig your heels into my butt.
• When I'm in the shower, get in behind me, lather up your hands, then run your soapy fingers along my shaft.
• Place my hand between your legs. Feeling that wetness is hot.
• Tell me how good I feel inside you.
• Get down on all fours in front of a full-length mirror, then let me take you doggie-style while we watch ourselves.
• Tie my hands together or blindfold me with the thong you just took off.
• Place a pillow under your butt before I go down on you. With your hips at an angle, I can please you longer.
• Put on a CD that has a strong backbeat, so we can rock together in rhythm.
• When we've made plans to rent a movie, surprise me by popping in a dirty DVD.
• Watch it with me until we're both so turned on that we have to go at each other.
• Double my hand-job pleasure by twisting your wrist as if you're opening a jar, while sliding your other hand up and down.
• As I'm about to enter you, turn your body away. Make me work a little for it. It's massively frustrating in the best way possible.
• Lie naked on the bed, open your legs, and put your heels on my shoulders as I stand facing you. Then touch yourself.
• When we're in a public place, lift your skirt just enough to give me a sneak peek.
• Write me a dirty letter. Describe all the nasty things you want from me.
• Make a tight ring around my penis with your index finger and thumb and glide just that ring up and down my erection.
• If I'm not thrusting hard enough or fast enough, give my bottom a light smack.
• Don't forget my ears. Run your tongue around the edge and nibble on my lobe.
• Play with your breasts in front of me. Show me that you love touching them too.
• When you're teasing me with your tongue, lightly pump two knuckles into that patch of skin between my manhood and my family jewels.
• Lower yourself over my mouth. I can give you mucho gratification that way.
• Put your hand over mine and ask me to caress myself like I do when you're away.
• After you shave your legs, rub baby oil all over them, and then mount me so I can slide my hands along them as we do it.
• During doggie-style, reach through your legs and cup my testicles. I'll blow a gasket.
• Dab some lubricant into your palm, then massage the head of my penis.
• Straddle me cowgirl-style, extending one leg up by my head and the other down near my foot. The friction is so hot.
• Leave the lights on.
• Suck on each of my fingers in the same way you would go down on me.
• Stroke my entire body with just your breasts. End at my mouth so I can kiss them.
• There's this tiny knob on the underside of my member, where the shaft and the crown meet. Stroke it, lick it, flick it with your tongue. Just don't ignore it.
• Bend over in front of me when you're not wearing any underwear.
• Wet the tip of your finger with your own lubrication, then run it along my lips.
• Squeeze my shaft between the V of your forefinger and middle finger, and then slide the V up and down.
• Take just the head of my penis into your body. Squeeze tight, clenching your thighs.
• Lower yourself onto my lap while wearing nothing but spiky high heels.
• Let me videotape us doing it. Once we watch it, you can erase it, I promise.
• As I get more excited during the deed, pinch my nipples. The closer I get to climax, the more I crave a rougher touch.
• Do me with our clothes still on – just move the necessary articles out of the way.
• While you're on top and facing me, lift your hips a bit so I see my shaft inside you.
• Leave hot little surprises for me, like a thong or a lacy bra in my briefcase.
• During missionary raise your arms over your head so you're lying with your breasts exposed. I love watching them jiggle.
• Before I'm hard, slowly circle my penis with your tongue only, no hands.
• You know that trail that leads from my belly button to my package? Trace it with your tongue, then do it again, using more forceful nips and bites.
• While we're driving, get me to pull over somewhere deserted. Then climb into my lap for some naughty girl-on-top sex.
• Tense your lips during a blowjob.
• When you're wearing a skirt, back up against a wall, then let me take off your panties and lift you up for a quickie.
• Right before you take me into your mouth, push me toward the edge of the bed so that my head is bent back a bit over the side. The blood moving toward my head makes coming more intense.
• Lick along the creases that separate my thighs from my torso.
• Put on a pair of thin leather gloves, then run your hands over my chest during sex. It looks and feels dangerous and edgy.
• Torture me by guiding my member to your opening, then leaving it there without letting me inside.
• While going down on me, bring my legs up to your shoulders. With my feet off the bed, I'll feel so exposed and vulnerable.
• While giving me oral sex, make a humming sound. The vibrations feel so good.
• Put a hot twist on missionary by placing your feet against my chest with your legs crossed. Your grip will feel extra-tight.
• Do me while sitting in a chair or spooning on the bed so I can go really deep.
• During sex, keep your hips still while squeezing me with your vaginal muscles.
• After we've finished but while I'm still inside you, glide your fingertips in circles over my butt. What a way to wind down… if I don't get worked up again. ]]> Fri, 26 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-your-sex-dreams-mean
So how do you figure out what your randy nocturnal visions are telling you, exactly? We've uncovered the hidden meanings behind some common but cryptic carnal dreams.

SEX DREAM 1
You Shagged Your Boss
Wake-up call: In some cases, dreaming of having sex with a higher-up hints at an attraction that you're denying when awake, says Delaney. But usually, a boinking-your-boss dream has more to do with admiring their power position than it does harbouring frisky feelings.

'Many women have this dream after a promotion or an accomplishment at work,' says Gillian Holloway PhD, professor of psychology at Marylhurst University and author of The Complete Dream Book (Sourcebooks). 'You probably aspire to achieve the level of success that your boss has and think about how to get there, which is why he or she turned up in your dream,' she says. So use it as a catalyst to develop a skill you respect in your boss – via a class or just a one-on-one meeting – so you can keep heading in his or her hot career trajectory.

SEX DREAM 2
You Had a Rendezvous With a Celebrity
Wake-up call: There's no better way to wake up than fresh from a fling with Gerard Butler (except, perhaps, to actually wake up next to him). 'People who are sexually active but aren't currently having sex – whether it's due to their partner's being away or a recent breakup – often have celebrity-centric sex dreams,' says psychologist Patricia Farrell, PhD, author of How to Be Your Own Therapist (McGraw-Hill Education). In other words, you're subconsciously craving a shag... and your famous bed buddy is bringing that purely physical urge to the forefront.

SEX DREAM 3
You Got It On With a Girl
Wake-up call: If you've never been with a woman, you may wonder if some latent bisexual urges are surfacing, but that's not likely. 'Usually, when straight women have same-sex dreams, they're doing it with a woman they admire,' says Delaney. It's not that you secretly want her body; it's more likely that you have a platonic girl-crush. You may love her style or killer personality so you dreamed about getting 'intimate' with her to feel close to her fabulousness.

What do you do with this info? 'Look at the dream without paying attention to the sexual encounter,' says Farrell. 'If there's something about her that you like, make small changes in your life to work on those traits.' For example, if she has an approachable air that draws people to her; try throwing a small party for friends and have everyone bring someone you don't know so you get a prime op to be just as socially savvy.

SEX DREAM 4
You Slept With Your Friend's Man
Wake-up call: Just because you dove under the sheets with him in a spicy slumber-induced fantasy doesn't mean you've hatched a subversive plot to steal a friend's boyfriend. He probably just has qualities that you wish your guy had. 'Often a dream will "borrow" a situation from a friends life,' says Holloway. 'If your friend has a funnier, more sensitive, spontaneous, or successful partner than you do, the dream may be suggesting that you'd like to be with someone like him or that you'd like more excitement, empathy, or laughter in your life.'

SEX DREAM 5
You Bedded a Relative
Wake-up call: Most people have this kind of dream a few times, says Holloway and it can cause major anxiety. But rest assured, freaky familial fantasies rarely have anything to do with incest. 'They usually have to do with personality types that you encounter in your life that remind you of your family,' Holloway says. 'For instance, if your brother used to tease you as a kid, and now your guy jokes around with you a lot, you might dream about sleeping with your brother because they share that trait.'

So next time a too-close-to-home nightmare crops up, put it into perspective by thinking about specific ways this relative could remind you of someone else. Chances are, you'll figure out the connection and feel less freaked out.

SEX DREAM 6
You Had a Romp With Your Ex
Wake-up call: Whether you're single or paired up with a new guy, it can be jarring to wake up realising you've had a fantasy shag with an old beau. While this dream could be quite literal, says Delaney (that is, you miss having carnal contact with him or you want him back and you're downplaying that yearning in your waking life), don't automatically assume that's the case.

'You might be completely over your ex, but you may not have dealt with all the emotional baggage the breakup brought on, so your subconscious is reminding you that there are still some issues to work through,' explains Holloway. Maybe you're worried about how committed your current boyfriend really is or you feel anxious about a new fling moving too fast. 'Look at the dream as an alert that you need to address the problem so it doesn't cause a snag in your current relationship... or your next one,' advises Farrell.

SEX DREAM 7
You're Flying
Wake-up call: Okay, so technically you're not hooking up, but often when you dream that you're soaring through the air, you've recently had a sex-filled rendezvous with a new guy in real life. 'This euphoric feeling is called ecstatic flight, and it's analogous to an orgasm,' says Holloway. 'Flying dreams are usually about getting some freedom in your life and being as unfettered as you possibly can. The dream could be telling you that stepping out of your sexual comfort zone is allowing you to break free of your fears and insecurities and that you should move forward with your adventurousness.'

So instead of shying away from trying a position with a guy that totally exposes your body, surrender to feeling a little vulnerable and go for it. The result: You may have bigger, better orgasms outside of your dreams too. ]]> Fri, 19 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sexy-things-to-do-with-food
• E-mail him a picture of a jar of chocolate fudge with the message 'Dessert at my place, 8pm.'
• Swipe honey across your lips, and give your guy a sweet kiss that'll make him want to devour you.
• Have a picnic in your living room with finger foods like olives, berries, and chocolate. Take turns blindfolding and hand-feeding each other.
• Sip club soda, hold it in your mouth, and head down south to treat his member to a fizzy blast of pleasure.
• For instant chills, have him spoon sorbet onto your stomach and lick it off.
• Spray whipped cream on your guy's lower abs and upper thighs in a swirling pattern, with his member as the bull's eye. Nearing the target will turn him on like crazy.
• Have him coat your nipples with caramel sauce, then undress you using his mouth.
• Gently blow sparkling ice shavings onto his chest through a straw, then lick them off with your warm tongue.
• Loosely bind his hands with a black liquorice string for kinky-lite play.
• Have him dot a trail of frozen chocolate chips along your spine (your backbone has tons of nerve endings) and kiss each spot as he removes the chips with his lips.
• Put cucumber slices over his closed eyes, and give him oral action. The cool sensation on his lids plus your hot mouth below will make his toes curl.
• Smooth hazelnut-chocolate spread across his intensely sensitive inner wrists and arms, and run your tongue over his sugary skin.
• Keep a cup of cold water and a cup of lukewarm peppermint tea near the bed. Have your man take a sip, swish the tea around in his mouth, then give you oral attention, switching to cool water after 30 seconds. The temperature tease is electrifying.
• Paint a part of your body with vanilla icing – your collarbone, in between your breasts – and have him lick it off. Bonus: It's a great way to show him sexy new places he can touch you. ]]> Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-art-of-penis-reading
THE PESTLE
• Notably longer and thicker than average
• Skin has heavy pigmentation
• Testicles hang low, are dark-coloured and heavy

THE SPEAR
• Long and narrow, and light in colour
• A shaft that thins slightly towards the end and often bends to the left or right like a banana
• High and firm testicles

THE TOMBSTONE
• Shorter than average, but unusually thick
• A wide and bulbous head
• Big, pendulous and rough-textured testicles

THE DART
• Smaller and slimmer than average
• Light in colour
• Texture is smooth, with pale, firm testicles

Now, discover his penis personality…

The Pestle is conservative in his bedroom antics, choosing 'spoons' or missionary unless otherwise encouraged. He enjoys taking sex slowly and is good on foreplay, and likes to wait until you come before he does – a true gent.
GREAT IF you like traditional male/female roles. He holds the door open for you, but may want to throw his dirty laundry in with yours.

The Spear is a born leader who likes to take the lead in the bedroom and make decisions on your behalf outside. He is more interested in his career than his relationships, and enjoys the company of women. Watch out: he doesn't resist temptation easily.
GREAT IF you're a career woman with your own ambitions, looking for fun, not commitment.

The Tombstone thinks his friends are more important than his job title, but can be stubborn as hell. He's a child at heart and would love to have his own family one day. He's a creative, attentive lover whose perfect shag would be under candlelight after a big roast you've cooked for friends.
GREAT IF you like to hang out with his friends as much as he does.

The Dart might have a modest package, but he can still deliver a great experience. He truly excels in pillow talk, being the most intuitive and sensitive of this bunch, but he also has a limited attention span and can be irritatingly competitive.
GREAT IF you want a friend as well as a lover. Not so great when you have to keep reinventing yourself to keep him interested. ]]> Wed, 10 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sexpectation
The bizarre thing about sexpectation is that we rarely admit we're feeling it, even to ourselves. It's kind of on par with that sensation you have when you're feeling really good about a job interview, but don't want to jinx it by telling anyone. No one wants to pre-empt getting lucky only to be let down, so we figure it's best to just keep quiet and secretly hope it will all come off. (Naturally, if it does come off, the whole world will know about it.)

Don't think you have to be single to enjoy the jitters of this optimistic sex-calculation. Just as there are many ways to roll in the proverbial hay, there are also countless variations of sexpectation. There are the more obvious: the third-date/third-base anticipation, or the post-send thrill you get when you fire off a booty call SMS. Then there's the more unlikely, more old-fashioned feeling you get when you're finally about to meet up with the guy you've been shamelessly flirting with. But there's also the sexpectation you enjoy as part of A Couple. Like the thoughts lingering behind your smile as you collect The Boy from the airport, or the secret high you get when the two of you set off on a dirty weekend.

Men absolutely have their own brand of sexual anticipation too (which is, uh, slightly less subtle than ours). However, we ladies will generally complement our sexpectation with a few telltale preparations, like cleaning our room (as in Guests Coming Over clean) before we head out for the night, or simply having a bikini wax. Call it odd (because, well, it is), but for some reason, women believe these things are 'wasted' unless they're 'fully utilised'. Although this isn't to say that if we do these things, we're guaranteed rumpy pumpy. In fact, it can be quite the contrary.

I have a friend, let's call her Kate, and the second she starts entertaining sexpectation, she's most definitely not getting any. She serves to highlight the danger of this game: if you get too carried away with your sordid expectations and focus on them too much, you can scare off any opportunities. It's the Murphy's law of sexpectation: the night you are utterly ready for lovin', you'll go home alone save for a garage pie. There is no explanation for this, except that the universe is sometimes a selfish A-hole that doesn't want you getting nookie.

Sexpectation isn't a lead-up brag before getting your freak on. Nor will it automatically ruin your chances. (Cleaning your room might, however.) Think of it as a hopeful waiting period preceding a rendezvous that's just shy of a sure thing. And sometimes, just sometimes, it's sweeter than the sex itself. ]]> Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/condomonium
1. Open the package carefully. Using your teeth may look sexy and carefree but it can result in tearing the condom.
2. Using your thumb and forefinger, squeeze all the air out of the tip.
3. Unroll the condom slightly to make sure you're heading in the right direction. The rolled-up ring should be on the outside.
4. Holding the condom by its tip, place it on the head of his penis, ensuring no air gets trapped. An air bubble could cause the latex to split during sex.
5. Slowly begin to roll the condom down his shaft. There is no real difference between gloving an uncircumcised and a circumcised penis but you may need to pull his foreskin back if he still has it. Also pull back any stray pubic hairs that might get in the way – you don't want painful tugging to ruin his experience.
6. Roll down the condom all the way to the base of the penis for a secure fit.
7. Apply additional lube if necessary. Make sure it's water-based, as oil-based products can weaken the latex. Yes, that includes baby oil and whipped cream!
8. Check up on the sin skin periodically – during a marathon sex session, it's possible for the condom to slip off or tear, especially if you're changing positions frequently.

CONDOM 101
They say good things come in threes and it's true of the makeup of the condom.

PART	FUNCTION
THE RING	At the open end is a hard rubber ring that helps keep the condom from falling off.
THE TIP	On the opposite end from the ring is the tip, which acts as a reservoir for ejaculate.
THE SHEATH	In between is the sheath, which covers the shaft.

SLICK FACTS
• Durex makes and sells almost a billion condoms each year.
• A condom can hold about 3,75 litres of liquid.
• Women are responsible for between 40% and 70% of all condom purchases. Way to go, girls!
• Carrying a condom in your bag doesn't make you a 'bad girl'. Almost l00% of one-night stands are unplanned, and almost 100% of planned sex is planned, so it really is essential to come prepared.
• According to the US National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, up to six percent of men and women show sensitivity to the proteins present in latex rubber. This can lead to itchiness, rashes and shortness of breath – but it's not a valid reason for skipping the wet suit. Non-latex condoms made from polyurethane material, such as Avanti, are now available at leading pharmacies.

WHAT'S A CONDOM MADE OF?
Condoms come in three materials. Here's what you need to know:

MATERIAL	LATEX (A Type Of Rubber)	POLYURETHANE (A Type Of Plastic)	NATURAL SKIN (Usually Lambskin)
PROS	The safest, most readily available, and least expensive material.	Plastic is thinner and less constricting than latex.	Natural membrane condoms offer more sensitivity than latex or polyurethane.
CONS	One to six percent of the population is allergic to latex.	They're not as widely available. Studies have found that they break and slip more often than latex condoms (though the incidence is still low).	They are effective in preventing pregnancy, but they do not protect against STDs. They're also more expensive than latex.

THE HOTTEST SHAPES AND STYLES
Pick one of these prophylactics for maximum pleasure...
TEXTURED (Ribbed/Nubbed/Studded): Additional texture stimulates nerve endings in the vaginal walls for your gratification. (However, some women say they can't feel a difference.)
POUCHED: Pouched condoms have 'pockets' on the sides or near the tip. These condoms are designed to be looser fitting in the areas that cover the nerve endings of the penis, increasing friction and sensitivity for him.
ULTRATHIN: The thinner the latex, the more sensation you'll both feel. There's no evidence to suggest these thinner condoms are any likelier to break if used as directed.
COLOURED, FLAVOURED, GLOW-IN-THE-DARK: These condoms are a great way to add playfulness and ease some of the tension, which leads to hotter sex.

TRICKS GUYS LOVE… BUT MOST GIRLS DON'T KNOW
Use these sexy moves to get Mr. Mojo rising and he'll be begging to put on a condom.

THE TRICK	HOW TO DO IT	WHY HE'LL LOVE IT
CREATE A WARMING TREND	Surprise him with a condom that has a warming agent built into the lubricant.	The warming agent creates a sexy new sensation for both of you.
GIVE HIM A JIFFY LUBE	Put a drop of water-based lube inside the tip (or dome) of the condom. (Oil-based lube causes latex to break down.)	It increases sensitivity for him, making it feel more like he's not wearing a condom.
SAVE ROOM FOR DESSERT	If you want to pleasure him orally first, put a condom on his member, then add a topping like chocolate sauce or whipped cream to avoid the rubbery taste.	It will be a yummier pre-sex prelude for you. Just be sure he puts on a new condom before sex or it's a yeast infection waiting to happen.
GET BUZZZZED	Try the vibrating condom ring, which fits around the base of the penis (over the condom) and omits good vibrations.	These vibrations increase his sensation while the tiny buzzing motor is strategically placed to ring your doorbell.

CONDOM TROUBLESHOOTING
Here are some strategies for banishing common condom conundrums:
IF ONE OF YOU IS ALLERGIC TO LATEX...
If reactions such as itching, irritation, and burning occur, try polyurethane or natural skin, and avoid condoms with spermicide, especially nonoxynol-9, which can cause irritation oven if you aren't allergic.
IF CONDOMS MAKE HIM LOSE HIS ERECTION…
In addition to larger or thinner condoms, he can try a cock ring (placed at the base of the shaft and around his testicles), which keeps the blood supply from draining from the penis.
IF HE EJACULATES TOO SOON...
lf your guy is more of an Olympic-level sprinter than a marathon man, try condoms which are lubricated with a slight numbing agent that may keep him in the race longer.
IF THE RUBBER BREAKS OR SLIPS OFF…
Wash yourself well, and see a doctor ASAP to be tested for STDs. If you're not on the Pill (or another form of birth control), a doctor can prescribe the morning-after pill. ]]> Fri, 26 Feb 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/he-tox-your-sex-life
When my friend Gemma, 29, a PA, split up with Adam, she was devastated. 'He was the perfect mix of dominant, sensitive, adventurous and extremely well-hung,' she recalls. 'It was the best sex of my life and I knew I'd never meet a lover as good as him again. The next time I slept with someone was a disaster. He smelt wrong, was too hairy and licked rather than nibbled. Basically, he wasn't Adam and, within minutes, I wanted him out of my bed. That night, I felt the pain of our break-up all over again.'

It's no surprise that ex-sex is so hard to eradicate from our minds. For starters, sex is, physiologically, a bigger deal for women. Men have 10 times more testosterone in their bodies than us so, for them, arousal can easily bring ex-amnesia. But we tend to need an emotional connection to our lover – even if only fleeting. When our hearts are bypassed, arousal is more difficult, especially once the first lust-fuelled madness has passed. This explains why 85% of women in a survey from the book The New Male Sexuality (Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group) said emotional involvement was essential for intercourse. This can make sex more meaningful, which is brilliant, but also makes it tougher to forget.

'During sex, we release eight times more of the bonding hormone oxytocin than men,' explains Kate Taylor, author of A Woman's Guide To Sex (Firefly Books). 'As well as this, when you think about the physicality of sex, women literally let the man enter their bodies.' It's true, isn't it? No matter what the scientists say or how cool you try to be, when someone has actually been inside your body, it's hard not to be emotional about them. Sometimes it's draining enough letting a new man into your flat, let alone your vagina.

Nevertheless, we still hope the 'new' will somehow wring out the 'old', but all that happens is that you're reminded of the 'old' even more. And even if the new smell, body and technique don't activate nostalgia, there are plenty of other reasons why having sex for the first time after an ex can be nerve-wracking. I don't know about you, but whenever I've been AWOS (Absent Without Sex) for more than a month, I'm convinced a whole range of new sexual practices must have been invented behind my back. And if your last sexual relationship was lousy, there's a chance you'll be pondering, 'Do all men come in five seconds/refuse to go down on you/batter your clitoris/pester you for a threesome?' Short of the drastic option of never sleeping with anyone again, there must be ways to erase those emotional ex-sex triggers and flashbacks of 'shags past' from your future clinches. Right?

OLD HABITS DIE HARD
First things first: being naked in front of a man who's never seen you naked before is terrifying. Whereas you had no qualms about padding about your ex's flat totally naked, the thought of removing all your clothes in front of a new guy can be scary. For some reason, I imagine all new boyfriends' exes possessed flat stomachs, pert boobs and toned thighs. Tracey Cox, of The Sex lnspectors, agrees: 'I don't think many people feel comfortable stripping in front of a total stranger. But it does help to forget any preconceived notions you might possess about having to climb into bed on date three. And remember, while you're sucking in your stomach, he's nervous that the arms you're grabbing onto aren't as muscular as your ex's were.' OK, so he's worried too, but what about intimacy? Your ex knew how to turn you on, and there's nothing like a prod in the wrong place to remind you how in-tune you used to be.

Pippa, 26, a designer, agrees: 'I spent three years with Simon and we'd perfected things in bed. He knew exactly how I liked to be touched, and he was talented at oral sex. I didn't realise quite how talented until I started dating other men. No one can do it like him. It's incredibly frustrating!'

Cox isn't sympathetic. 'How boring! What a pain to have a gorgeous new lover rediscover all your known sensitive spots – and some unknown ones. How tedious to have to guide his deliciously sensitive tongue to all the right bits. How awful to spend all day in bed, fuelled by champagne and oysters, taking him on a guided tour of your body.' Well, put like that...

But it's undeniable: there is something comforting about getting into bed with a man you've been with for ages. You know and love all their bits and pieces, and adapting to a new body can be hard. In the beginning with Ade, I missed Rick's smooth chest. After we split, I met David and I yearned for Ade's hairy chest. And when I met Michael, I mourned David's beautiful bum. I've accepted that, like anything new, there's an uncomfortable period of transition – but finding something good they have that the ex doesn't always helps.

Yet even the sturdiest positive attitude can waver the first time you have sex after a break up. It's so emotional, many of us have a good cry afterwards, but you shouldn't be ashamed or worried. It takes time to build up a sexual CV with a new man. In the meantime, psychosexual counsellor Joy Rosendale suggests keeping your eyes open while in bed with him. 'This stops you retreating into the past. Looking into your new partner's eyes will keep you in the present.'

You can also make practical changes to mark the transition from old to new. 'Buy new undies!' advises Taylor. 'Something as simple as wearing knickers that your ex never saw can feel liberating. New sheets, new candles and moving the bed to a new position will help you remember that the novelty of exploring a brand new body can be what the best sex is really made of.'

Of course, when it comes to ex-sex, there's a chance the sexual legacy you're desperate to forget isn't a positive one.

Carla, 28, a press officer, had two successive boyfriends who rarely went down on her. 'I ended up with a complex – even though I continued giving them blow jobs, I no longer expected or even wanted reciprocation. Now I'm with a fantastic guy who loves it, but it took me ages to relax and enjoy it.' Learning to exorcise ex-sex really comes into its own if you're moving from a selfish lover to a caring, generous one. It can feel wonderfully liberating and usually we end up thinking, 'Why the hell did I put up with that lousy creep for so long?'

MOVING ON
Getting to the point of moving on can take time, and it's all too easy to languish in post-break-up recovery. I once loitered here for so long that when I eventually did go to bed with a new man, I quivered like a born-again virgin. Meanwhile, during periods of celibacy, I imagined the dating jungle was full of female sexual gymnasts. The types who do yoga and can tuck their ankles behind their ears, or know the secrets of Shanghai brothels. Cox knows that feeling. 'After my divorce, the first few times I went out I felt truly tragic. Everyone seemed younger, prettier and more together than I was. But it didn't take me long to realise that, although things appear to change fast in dating land, it's mostly surface.'

She's right. Nothing's changed; everyone's doing it exactly like they always used to.

Well, not quite everybody. Gemma has found happiness with a new man. 'I rarely think of Adam. OK, so my new boyfriend isn't as technically brilliant in bed as he was, but the relationship as a whole is so much better that I don't care. I'm doing something with my new man that I never did with Adam – we're making love, not just having sex. Great sex on its own doesn't mean a great relationship. Once you get that into your head, it's much easier to get the ex-sex out.'

EX-SEX FEARS EXORCISED, FAST! A first-time sex opportunity is on the cards – but you're worried…

Ex-Sex Fear #1
IS IT TOO SOON?
If you feel it's too soon, it probably is. 'Give yourself permission to go slowly and not have sex until you're sure of your feelings,' says Rosendale.

Ex-Sex Fear #2
MY EX LOVED MY BODY. WILL HE?
'Unless you're dating a male model, your new lover's body isn't going to be perfect, either. Give yourself a break,' advises Cox. You can always cover up with sheets until you feel comfortable.

Ex-Sex Fear #3
WILL I REMEMBER WHAT TO DO?
Rarely does first-time sex with a new man go like in the movies. 'Don't expect the first few sessions to have the practised ease of the last few sessions with an ex,' says Taylor. 'Try to enjoy the newness – if he lasts, the newness won't!'

Ex-Sex Fear #4
WHAT IF HE'S NOT AS GOOD AS I'M USED TO?
'Don't compare this with those you enjoyed with your ex,' advises Taylor. 'Imagine he has an L-plate on his bottom and keep that in mind; he's probably using moves his ex enjoyed.'

Ex-Sex Fear #5
WILL HE THINK I'M ANY GOOD?
According to a survey, enthusiasm is the most important quality for men in a sexual partner. Cox agrees: 'It beats the hell out of technical skills.' ]]> Thu, 18 Feb 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-female-viagra
It is unlikely that drug companies will market Viagra to older, menopausal women only. One of the unapproved and more popular drugs, Flibanserin, is marketed as a libido booster to physically healthy, pre-menopausal women. And while we’d all like to believe there is something out there to boost our sexual desire when we’re feeling a little low, the consensus amongst sexologists and researchers is that female Viagra is simply about profit margins and nothing more.

Psychiatrist Leonore Tiefer from the New York University School of Medicine told the Daily Mail, ‘If Flibanserin, or something like it, is approved, my fear is that all kinds of women – with or without sexual problems – will be tempted or pressured to take it.’

Clinical psychologist and psychosexual therapist Dr Claire Rockliffe-Fidler is adamant that female Viagra is a farce. ‘Viagra is not licensed for use in women and the results of studies done have been inconclusive.’

Dr. Marlene Wasserman agrees: ‘There is no female Viagra – not now and not in the foreseeable future. Viagra is in fact contra indicated for women, which means it cannot be prescribed for women.’

‘A woman’s sexual function is highly complex and her arousal is not only dependent on physical factors,’ says Rockliffe-Fidler, ‘but on many psychological and cognitive factors, such as are you focusing on stimulation, are you open to the idea of sex, and are you comfortable with yourself and your partner? People believe Viagra will enhance interest in sex, but this is not possible.’

Rockliffe-Fidler explains that Viagra assists the body with arousal (in a very small group of women), and not desire. The misconception, she says, is that if a woman’s arousal is enhanced, she will enjoy sex more. Not true! Viagra will not enhance arousal if there are psychological factors getting in the way, such as stress, demands and a diminished libido, says Rockliffe-Fidler.

Wasserman explains that the drugs being launched in the USA and Europe, have nothing to do with Viagra. ‘The new drug is in clinical trials and will only be available in South Africa in about three years time.’ Because it is being launched in the USA and Europe within the next year, she says, ‘we will be hearing a lot about it, so it is important that we educate the public way before the drug gets here.’

Liz Canner, director of documentary Orgasm Inc. is also trying to prove female Viagra is merely a money-making tool. ‘Basically, the drug companies are developing “sex aids” for which they can charge more money. Women would have to take this pill every day, which again, means more money for the companies.’ The pill’s ‘positive’ side effects aren’t exactly stimulating. ‘A drug, like Flibanserin, not only lowers your inhibitions, but will only guarantee you a 0.8 extra sexual event per month. You’re likely to have a better time drinking,’ says Canner.

‘When Viagra came out for men,’ explains Canner, ‘it was a blockbuster industry, and drug companies believe there will be a bigger market for women.’ What women don’t realise is these drugs will come with dangerous side effects, including cardio-vascular problems and even breast cancer. ‘Quite a few women developed breast cancer after they participated in the clinical trials in the US.’

Canner believes the ‘cure’ drug companies are trying to procure for female sexual dysfunction doesn’t come in a pill or a capsule, but rather through foreplay and a couple’s closeness. ‘The reality is they are nowhere near finding a proper drug – sexuality is much more complex than a pill or a patch.’

So, the results are in. If you’re physically struggling with arousal, you shouldn’t be looking to pharmaceutical companies for answers. Rather visit your gynaecologist, psychologist or sexologist before you start looking for a quick libido fix. Play together and, as Canner says, foreplay is key. And if that doesn’t turn you on, take Canner’s advice: ‘There’s nothing sexier than a man with a vacuum cleaner.’ ]]> Fri, 12 Feb 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sexual-healing
After visiting the gynaecologist, Andrea was told that she had vaginismus.

‘Vaginismus is a condition in which the muscles in the lower third of the vagina involuntarily constrict so tightly that they’re unable to allow penetration, or at least make penetration incredibly painful,’ explains clinical sexologist and DISA Health Care Director, Professor Elna McIntosh. The result, she says, is that a couple is either unable have sex at all, or is able to do so, but with tremendous difficulty. ‘Studies have shown that up to 47% of women experience general pain during sex, and between 6% and 10% suffer with vaginismus,’ says McIntosh.

Andrea’s relationship subsequently ended, and when she met her new partner, Greg,* she always found ways to avoid having sex. After two months of foreplay and no penetration, she told Greg the truth about her fear of sex, and together, they began to work through it. ‘For the first time, I realised I wasn’t alone. So many women are going through the same things as me and don’t know how to treat it.’

However, McIntosh believes that vaginismus can be misdiagnosed. Sometimes, what is thought to be vaginismus, is actually an unrealistic fear or phobia, says McIntosh. A woman might not even be conscious of her fear, she explains.

‘For example, fear of re-experiencing pain after unsuccessful attempts can quickly set up a self-perpetuating cycle, creating a greater likelihood of painful penetration, which simply creates more fear.’

WHAT TO DO
McIntosh advises you see a gynaecologist and attend to any physiological issues. Next, she recommends seeing a psychotherapist, preferably one certified in sex therapy, to identify and address your fears.

‘Once you, your gynaecologist and your therapist have addressed all physiological and psychological problems, the final step is to reprogram your central nervous system.’ This includes discovering your pleasure zones and becoming more familiar with your vagina, says McIntosh.

‘You’ll need to engage in a process called systematic desensitisation,’ advises McIntosh. This process teaches your central nervous system that its self-protective automatic responses aren’t necessary and are, in fact, not desired, she says.

‘If you remain diligent in your exercises, you’ll eventually find your involuntary reactions decreasing and your comfort and desire for having sex increasing,’ says McIntosh. When you do attempt sex, make sure to use lubrication and be gentle, as it won’t necessarily be enjoyable the first time around. Begin with gentle penetration, progress to gentle thrusting, and eventually you’ll be able to enjoy painless sex, says McIntosh.

‘We tried 10 times before we were successful,’ says Andrea. ‘The night it was successful, I wasn’t even expecting it, something in my mind and body just let go. For the first time in my life I was able to have sex without any reservations or worries. Ever since that day, it has become easier.’ And Andrea and Greg haven’t looked back. They are engaged and have a fulfilling, and more importantly, fearless sex life.

DID YOU KNOW?
There are more kinds of sexual phobias than you think:
• Genophobia – the fear of having sex
• Heterophobia – the fear of the opposite sex
• Sexophobia – the fear of genitalia
• Erotophobia – the feeling of guilt/fear relating to sex
• Coitophobia – the fear of heterosexual sex ]]> Fri, 05 Feb 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/feel-sexier-naked Smile. This simple expression will lower blood pressure and put you at ease, making you more in tune with your body.

Play it smooth. You will feel clean, fresh and sexy after a wax session or at-home trim. If shaving, opt for an evening date with the razor, when your skin is less swollen. Remember to exfoliate and moisturise for a soft and silky finish.

Ditch your white sheets. It’s thought that coloured linens make your skintone appear warmer (read: flattering and alluring).

Dust up on some bronzer. Areas to hit: face, buttocks and stomach for sexy definition. Baby oil and a spray tan will also help to highlight your curves.

Play up your best features. Amp up your lashes if you have great eyes, or wear high heels to make great legs look fabulous. These little boosts of glamour will transfer to areas where you feel less confident.

Buy a sexy robe. Wear a silky dressing gown – it’ll make you feel like a ’40s pin-up girl in your own home.

Light candles. Beeswax candles will cast the most flattering light; overhead lights cast harsh shadows.

Don’t brush off praise. If he regularly compliments you on a particular body part, it must be great. Say thank you and revel in it!

Decorate with plants. Plants and flowers bring a calming energy to any space, which will make you more ‘at one’ with all the natural elements in your home while you’re naked. Buy yourself a house plant or a fresh bunch of flowers to put in your bedroom.

Get your mojo working. Sit in a chair and feel your tailbone press into the seat, then gently rock back and forth for 30 seconds. This is said to stimulate energy through the body, making you feel more confident. ]]> Thu, 28 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/getting-tested
THE ONE-NIGHT-STAND
Speaking to someone you don’t really know about STIs might be tricky, but the real juggling act is deciding whether or not to trust what you’re being told by a practical stranger. Cape Town sexologist and psychologist, Dr. Claire Rockliffe-Fidler, says you simply don’t know that cute architect who’s been buying you cocktails all night well enough to know whether or not his word is trustworthy.

‘If you are in the position where things have become so heated that you’re contemplating a one-night-stand, both you and your partner aren’t likely to be thinking rationally,’ says Rockliffe-Fidler. People can be vague with their answers when they’re in the heat of the moment. ‘You’re not exactly listening 100%; you’re more than likely listening for the answer you want to hear.’

You can introduce the topic by telling him what tests you’ve had done, when you had them and what the results were, she advises. ‘If he doesn’t volunteer the same information, it will clear the way for him to be asked the same questions.’

If you don’t get the answer you’re looking for and he hasn’t been tested, suggest other stimulating activities that don’t involve skin-on-skin touch or fluid exchange, says Rockliffe-Fidler. ‘You can still excite one another while keeping safe.’

Broaching the Topic: When you realise the night is going to turn into more than just heavy petting, make sure you’re prepared. Simply ask ‘Have you got condoms?’ If he doesn’t have any on him, ask him if he’s been testing for STIs recently. If he hasn’t, get up and leave; it’s just not worth the risk.

THE NEW MAN
‘Making the leap from condoms to a non-barrier method of birth control is a big step in both your relationship, and your health,’ says sexologist and DISA Health Care Director, Prof. Elna McIntosh. ‘Having an open discussion with your partner about becoming exclusive, as well as a frank rundown of your sexual histories, is very important, but it’s still not enough.’

If you and your new man have become an exclusive couple and decide you want to be rid of the rubber barrier between you, says McIntosh, it’s imperative to get tested together and continue to practice safe sex until you get your results.

Don’t think that because you’re not having sex, you’re safe from STIs. ‘STI’s don’t need much more than a wet, warm environment to set up shop, so the mouth is as hospitable as the genitals,’ says McIntosh. ‘Gonorrhoea, herpes, hepatitis, genital human papilloma virus (HPV), and even HIV, can be transmitted through oral sex.’

For the same reason you use a condom when you’re not sure about a new partner’s STI status, you should play it safe when it comes to oral sex, advises McIntosh. ‘Just don’t make the mistake of assuming oral sex is safe sex until you’ve both been tested.’

Broaching the Topic: ‘Now that we’re exclusive, I’d like us to start with a clean slate. Let’s get tested.’ Becoming part of a couple means taking responsibility for not only yourself, but for his wellbeing too. Turn getting tested together into a bonding session.

THE LONG-TERM PARTNER
Sex and relationships go together, says clinical sexologist Leandie Buys, and having sex with someone you’re not in a relationship with is extremely dangerous, both physically and emotionally. Women in particular attach a lot of meaning and emotion to sex, and can therefore be left feeling vulnerable and exploited when sex is not supported by a loving relationship, explains Buys.

‘When it comes to talking to your partner about sex, you have the right to ask awkward questions if you think your life could be at stake,’ says Buys. Don’t leave questions like ‘Are you positive?’ or ‘Have you been tested?’ for when you’re about to have sex. ‘Couples should openly discuss their status before it reaches this stage.’

‘Knowing your partner’s sexual history is very important,’ advises Buys. ‘If you feel your partner has not been entirely honest with you about their past, you need to listen to these warning bells. Being prepared and knowing your partner’s sexual history will give you the security and confidence you need to get the most out of sex, and the relationship.’

Broaching the Topic: ‘I think we need to get tested again. It seems like a long time since we’ve both been tested.’ At this stage in your relationship you shouldn’t feel awkward about topics that concern your and his safety. You need to know whether or not he has been tested, as well as what the results of his last test were.

McIntosh gives us the rundown of 10 dreaded STIs you want to avoid… and should be tested for.

1. HIV – It can go undetected for many years and takes up to 10 years to develop into full-blown Aids. How it’s tested: Blood test.
2. Syphilis – Left untreated, it can lead to nerve damage, dementia or death. How it’s tested: Blood test.
3. Chlamydia – This is especially dangerous for women; it can damage the fallopian tubes, which can increase the risk for an ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy outside the uterus). How it’s tested: Urine test or a lab test of a swab sample.
4. Genital Herpes – It can cause a potentially fatal infection in babies. How it’s tested: A physical exam, blood test and/or a lab test of a swab sample.
5. Gonorrhoea - It can spread through the blood to the joints, causing arthritic symptoms. How it’s tested: Urine test and/or a lab test of a swab sample.
6. Hepatitis B & C – Chronic hepatitis B and C can lead to liver cirrhosis or liver cancer. How it’s tested: Blood test.
7. Human papilloma virus (HPV) – This virus can lead to cervical cancer. How it’s tested: Pap smear.
8. Trichomoniasis – It can cause premature birth or low birth weight. How it’s tested: A physical exam and/or a lab test of a swab sample.
9. Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) – It can permanently damage female reproductive organs or cause an ectopic pregnancy. How it’s tested: A physical exam and/or an ultrasound.
10. Bacterial vaginosis – This can cause PID or increase the risk of pre-term delivery in pregnant women. How it’s tested: A physical exam, and/or a lab test of vaginal fluid. ]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/vibrator-masterclass SOLO SATISFACTION
‘The key to enjoying your sex toy is knowing how to throw the switch, not just a little, but wide open – whether you’re monogamous, solo or hot and heavy with a new lover,’ says Sadie Allison, sex educator and author of Toygasms (Tickle Kitty Press).

Regular solo sessions with a vibrator will keep your Kegels toned and libido charged. Plus, it’s the fastest route to orgasm. ‘Many women have their first orgasm with a vibrator,’ says Dee McDonald, author of Masterclass: Sex Toys (Collins Books). ‘Once you’ve had one, the rest will follow more easily.’

Experiment with different positions using your vibrator. Kneel upright, lowering yourself onto it, or lie face down with it inside you, thrusting down towards the buzzing attachment. Alternatively, lie back, knees bent, legs open, holding the vibe in place with the heel of your foot and leaving your hands free to tease your body.

For a cherry-on-the-cake effect, coat yourself and your toy with lubricant. And if your nipples are a tad sensitive, lube those too and glide your toy over them as a teaser.

TWO’S COMPANY
Be tactful when sharing your toys with your partner. ‘Great sex starts with communication, so if you want to introduce a sex toy, don’t scare him by pulling out a giant one,’ Allison warns.

You can push against his perineum to excite him or, if he’s happy to go further, you can stimulate his G-spot through anal penetration with a toy (remember to wash it before you use it anywhere else, though).

For visual stimulation for him and über-pleasure for you, the eye-to-eye position works a treat. ‘Lie back with your legs straddling his thighs, giving him a full erotic view. In this position, he can arouse you with a vibrator while your hands are free to caress your breasts,’ Allison says.

]]> Wed, 13 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sleep-and-sex SEXY SLEEP SURPRISE 1
People Get Busy While Snoozing
You’ve heard of sleepwalking, but a small number of people have sexsomnia, a real condition that spurs erotic activity like masturbation, fondling, and intercourse while sleeping, according to psychologist Michael Mangan, PhD.

Scientists believe it’s linked to specific areas of the brain. ‘Most brains shut down behaviourally during sleep, but a sexsomniac’s hypothalamus, which controls basic needs like food and sex, revs up and stimulates the libido,’ says psychiatrist Carlos H. Schenck, author of Sleep: The Mysteries, the Problems, and the Solutions (Avery Publishing Group).

SEXY SLEEP SURPRISE 2
Chicks Have Wet Dreams (Sort Of)
While we don’t ejaculate like men do, about 40% of women get off when they sleep, usually during sexual dreams. ‘With an erotic fantasy, your heart rate and genital blood flow increase, boosting lubrication like a waking arousal,’ explains Dr. Schenck. It can even happen a few times a night, thanks to the über-relaxed state that makes women more susceptible to orgasm.

SEXY SLEEP SURPRISE 3
You Can React to Stimulation in Slumber
Ever sidled up to your sleeping man and had him reflexively cozy up in response? On some level, our bodies automatically respond to touch, even if we’re not conscious of craving closeness. ‘The body and brain react sexually as well as snugglewise,’ says Dr Schenck. ‘Even while you’re sleeping, your hypothalamus is monitoring your needs, which include contact.’

SEXY SLEEP SURPRISE 4
Your Shut- Eye Affects Your Libido
‘Sleep is when the body replenishes its hormone supply so sleep-deprived people may have lower levels of sex-drive-fueling testosterone,’ says Dr. Schenck. Still, some women actually become hyperaroused when they’re running on fumes, possibly because the brain reverts to more primitive patterns of activity.

SEXY SLEEP SURPRISE 5
There’s a Reason Why Men Pass Out Postsex
Sorry, ladies, but you’ve got to give your guy a break when he drifts off after he gets off. When men ejaculate, it’s not only physically exhausting, but they get a flood of the hormone prolactin in their systems, which triggers feelings of satisfaction and drowsiness, explains Dr. Schenck. In women, prolactin – as well as oxytocin – actually stokes our bonding tendencies, so that’s why we prefer to snuggle rather than snooze. ]]> Fri, 08 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/keep-the-sex-naughty
But around the six-month mark, that searing level of heat begins to cool – for both partners – as their bond deepens. ‘While you may be growing closer as a couple, the initial rush of hormones calms down, and your body and brain start behaving differently,’ says certified sex therapist Darcy Luadzers, PhD, author of The 10-Minute Sexual Solution: A Busy Couples Guide to Having More Fun, Intimacy, and Sex (Hatherleigh Press).

When that shift happens, it’s hard not to be bummed. (Remember the first time you slept in the same bed with your guy and actually, well, slept?) Thankfully, it’s not a sign that the chemistry has evaporated – just a reminder that, to keep your lust life hot in the long term, you have to expend a little erotic energy. Here, the sexual setbacks most couples face and expert advice on how to keep the passion ignited.

SEX STAGE: Six Months
When you first get together with a guy and start sleeping with him, your excitement causes the release of adrenaline, which provides plenty of fuel for those glorious sexathons. Around six months into it, however, both you and your guy’s bodies start releasing a chemical called oxytocin (known as the cuddle hormone) more than adrenaline.

‘Oxytocin promotes feelings of love and connectedness,’ explains clinical psychologist Linda Mona, PhD, director of research at MyPleasure.com. ‘You may still be having sex often, but it takes on a more soulful note.’ The problem? Those steamy, have-to-have-each-other-now sessions happen less frequently than they used to.

Naughty hint: Treat each other like lust objects. ‘There’s this idea that being in love means always having romantic sex,’ says Mona. ‘But the truth is that urgent, animalistic sex is just as important in a relationship as the kind where you look into each other’s eyes.’

So channel your inner sex kitten like you did in the early days of dating. Send him a steamy SMS during the workday that lets him know how much you’re dying to get your hands on him. While you’re sweating it out on the stair-climber at the gym, fantasize about a hot encounter you’ve had with your man. The next time you see him, you’ll be raring to pounce.

When it comes to doing the deed, manufacture a sense of urgency. Grab him while he’s getting a beer out of the fridge and playfully slam him against the door, or give him some unexpected (but very welcome) company in the shower. Says Mona, ‘The element of surprise will help reignite the excitement you felt during the first few months.’ ]]> Tue, 05 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/tricks-that-double-his-pleasure
‘Stimulating two body spots together ignites a wider swatch of nerve endings and provides twice the erotic anticipation,’ explains Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First (William Morrow & Company). Below we’ve outlined the exact in-tandem touches.

CARNAL COMBO 1
The Neck-Lip Nibble
The back of a man’s neck and his lower lip are both linked to his member via nerve pathways. Here’s how to trigger this triangle of bliss while making out. ‘Nibble his lower lip, moving from one corner to the other,’ says Kerner. Simultaneously slide one hand behind his neck and draw figure eights with your fingertip. ‘The different feelings – your wet lips plus your soft finger – will shoot two pleasure currents to his package,’ says Shannon Mullen, author of The Best You’ll Ever Have (Transworld Publishers LTD).

CARNAL COMBO 2
The Outer Ear-Pleasure Trail Trace
A guy’s outer ear and the region extending from his belly button to his boys are both vertical lines. By tracing your tongue and finger along each erotic expanse concurrently, you’ll send streams of lust coursing through his body. ‘Brush your mouth against the rim of his ear, gliding your lips down to the lobe and then back up,’ says Kerner. At the same time, run your index finger from his naval to his pubic-hair line. ‘This two-part stroke will establish a connection between both lines, magnifying every sensation,’ he adds.

CARNAL COMBO 3
The Nipple Lick-Package Trick
While he’s lying on his back, use the flat of your tongue to make wide circles around the outside of his areola. ‘Gradually go closer to his nipple tip, pausing to bite the peak tenderly or flick it with your tongue,’ says Mullen. Meanwhile, gently cup his testicles with your hands. ‘Graze your fingers along his sensitive scrotal skin,’ she says. ‘Both moves involve building up pressure, which men love.’

CARNAL COMBO 4
The Member-Backside Massage
Take oral sex to a whole new level by caressing his butt cheeks as you’re going down on him. Have him lie on his back, his knees bent and spread apart. Slide your hands under his butt, pumping your fingertips into his skin gingerly. Then bring the head of his member to your mouth, taking him in and out at the same speed as your fingers are pumping his backside. ‘The synchronized motions will be hot but not overwhelming,’ says Kerner. Plus, you control the pacing. ‘You can prevent him from going over the edge too soon by focusing only on the massage,’ adds Kerner. ]]> Thu, 24 Dec 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/caught-in-the-cuddle-trap
But after a few years, those lusty neurotransmitters stabilise, work and other responsibilities become a priority, and you settle into a comfy ‘attachment’ stage. It’s still physical, just more snuggling in front of the TV than tearing up the sheets. But as great as those cushy sessions on the couch seem, they can provide a false sense of security about the health of your union.

It’s a common situation I’ve seen in my nearly 10 years as a sex therapist, and I call it the cuddle conundrum. You’re cool with the laid-back intimacy and you think he is too. After all, he’s hardly complaining, and the sex is still good (when you have it). Thing is, a guy is hardwired to hanker for regular sex, even after the relationship has racked up mileage. But he won’t broadcast his frustration for fear that you’ll cut off the action completely.

And the longer the cuddle-fest continues, the more likely a man will look for thrills elsewhere: by watching porn, masturbating more frequently, flirting with other women, and in the worst-case scenario, cheating. But don’t panic. Once you clue in to what’s going on, you can inject sexual urgency and adventure back into your bond. And cut off trouble at the pass.

MIXED MESSAGES
At the root of the cuddle conundrum is a difference in the way men’s and women’s bodies function. A female has the hormone oxytocin coursing through her system, which is produced via touch and makes her feel connected to her guy. Holding hands, hugging, even smelling him all pump up those levels, giving her a warm and contented feeling. Men, by comparison, produce little oxytocin (its primary function is to promote bonding as it’s released during childbirth and breast-feeding), so a good cuddle just isn’t going to cut it.

Instead, guys are driven by dopamine, a chemical found in the reward centre of the brain that also fuels sexual desire. Dopamine levels (for you and him) are at their highest at the start of a relationship, which is why things were so hot and heavy back then. But as you settle into the attachment phase (two to three years in), dopamine levels nosedive. While women tap into their oxytocin reserves to stay satisfied, men seek regular sex to drive their dopamine levels up where they belong.

THE NUMBERS GAME
Unfortunately, many women write off a man’s need for frequent sex as boys just being boys. But a man’s desire runs deeper than that. Sex is one of the main ways guys express their emotions. So a lack of sex makes him feel like you’re not connected. When he loses that outlet, he feels removed from the relationship.

To get back on the same page, you need to reconcile his need for sex with yours. While there’s no magic number to keep him content, I’ve found the majority of men in long-term relationships would like to have intercourse about three or four times a week (if not more).
Think long and hard about how your numbers stack up. If they’ve fallen off, chances are, he’s itching for more action (no matter how much he snuggles when you are on the couch). Since he won’t blatantly speak about it, keep an eye out for changes in his behaviour. He might make more sexual advances, hoping that one of his efforts will stick.

BRINGING SEXY BACK
To steer clear of the cuddle trap, remember, quality is as crucial as quantity. During the attachment phase, couples experience less spontaneous feelings of desire and a diminishing sense of adventure. Whenever possible, infuse your lust life with novelty. At minimum, move your takeaways from the coffee table to the kitchen, turn off the TV and get tuned in to each other. Or better yet, shower him with PDA. If you give your cuddle a new context, it’s not promoting complacency, it’s building sexual anticipation.

Try including some previously unscheduled morning sex, revealing a hot, sexy dream you had about him last night, or going for a quickie in the laundry room. Relationships thrive on expansion, and anytime you do something new together, you spike dopamine levels and prevent your relationship from coasting.

GETTING YOUR FIX
All that said, there’s no need to ditch the snuggling you crave. (In fact, it’s downright healthy if you’re still having regular sex.) Just reinvent the cuddle sometimes. Recent research shows that a woman’s oxytocin levels rise and stress-hormone levels fall after only 20 seconds of hugging.

So start with an intense embrace, and then do something spontaneous, like pushing him up against the wall, pulling down his jeans, and going down on him. I call this move a sudden sex shift, where you quickly transition from an oxytocin-focused moment into a dopamine-driven one. This simple move will spike your and his senses of arousal.

Try a position that bonds you, such as side-by-side, with lots of kissing and eye contact. And just because guys don’t produce as much oxytocin as women do, or as often, it doesn’t mean they don’t produce it at all. Men reach their oxytocin peaks during foreplay arousal, and orgasm. So be sure to add lots of sensual touch, massage, and full-body stimulation into your lovemaking routine.

You also can get your fix with the post-sex cuddle. After a guy has an orgasm, his oxytocin levels are at their highest, although they’re also competing with such other hormones as prolactin, which contributes to his feelings of sleepiness. But here’s the good news in all this: Dozing off in each other’s arms after an amazing climax means you’ll both wake up feeling totally connected. ]]> Thu, 17 Dec 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/fun-fearless-sex
YOUR FEAR – RELAXING DURING ORAL SEX
Worrying about how you look, smell and taste when your boyfriend heads south can make your libido flatline – fast. In fact, one study of 2 000 women found that the more comfortable they were with their V-zone, the more sexually satisfied they were.
Have Fun: Try the two water tricks. Firstly prep by drinking lots of H2O; it flushes out toxins that can create strange tastes and smells down there. Then take a bedtime bath: not only will it make you feel super-clean, but hot water brings blood to your skin’s surface, making you extra-sensitive to your man’s touch. Finally, ease into it slowly. Get him to kiss and lick your stomach, thighs and V-zone slowly with one condition: he can’t spend more than three seconds on any area. After a minute of deliciously torturous attention, you’ll be begging for more.
Be Fearless: Now you’re becoming carnally confident, why not take it a step further? Get a bikini wax (you can go completely bare or leave a little landing strip). He’ll love the visual thrill and, since hair acts as a protective barrier, going au naturel will heighten your senses. Let your new-found confidence drive you to be more expressive in bed. Studies show that talking has a sexy pay-off – women who are open with their partners about what feels good report they climax more regularly than those who don’t.

YOUR FEAR – GETTING NAKED
lf you have a Bridget Jones moment when your clothes come off, it’s easily fixed. First, don’t point out your physical flaws to your man because a) it just trains him to notice them, and more importantly b) worrying distracts you from having a good time. Second, try to concentrate on the physical sensations – his hands running over your breasts or stomach – not what’s going on in your head. ‘There’s really no need to feel anxious,’ promises Ian Kerner, author of He Comes Next (William Morrow & Company). ‘During sex, men are biologically programmed to tune out a woman’s physical flaws. While aroused, they experience a boost in the hormone dopamine, which acts as a screening agent – it makes them view your imperfections as positive traits.’ Thank you, science.
Have Fun: Lie sideways facing away from your man, lift your upper leg and let him enter you from behind. Sideways spooning takes you out of your comfort zone because it lets him caress you all over, but from behind, so you don't feel too exposed. He can feel but not see your breasts, belly and clitoris. This position allows you to relax and focus on your pleasure, not your so-called flaws.
Be Fearless: Tried that and feeling powerful? Now for a bolder move. Climb on top, facing forward, and straddle your man. Then lean back with your arms resting on his shins. Your stomach appears flatter from this angle and your boobs perkier. If you’d rather not go full-frontal, pull his shoulders towards you so you’re both sitting upright with your legs wrapped around each other and your tummies pressed together. This position is very intimate since your faces will be touching and you can wrap your arms around each other. Finally, if you’re worried about jiggling too much, make the ride less bumpy by donning a sexy bra.

YOUR FEAR – GIVING OVER CONTROL
Letting your partner spoil you in bed can be hard because women are often taught to put their own needs last. Plus, letting him make the moves puts you in a vulnerable position. But if he’s in the driving seat, you can stop obsessing about simultaneous orgasms and just focus on your own.
Have Fun: Before you let him take over completely, you need to school him on what works for you. He’ll appreciate the erotic input as long as you handle his ego with care by keeping your requests sexy, so he doesn’t feel like he’s back in year seven. Play the hot/cold game: give your man free range over your body but keep him clued in by saying ‘hot’ when he’s on the right track and ‘cold’ it he strays off course. Soon, he’ll have a better sense of your moan zones. Or try a round of show and tell: grab his hand and slowly trace circles with his fingers in the way you like to be touched, then tell him how much you want him to do it. Remember to keep your tone low and lusty, and never underestimate the benefits of one word: ‘Yes!’ Once he knows what suits you, lie back and let him take over.
Be Fearless: By now he'll have a better sense of how to please you, so give him even more control by asking him to blindfold you. Restricting your sight during sex is wildly exciting because when you don’t know what’s going to happen, your nerve endings stand to attention, which makes his touch feel extra intense. It also forces you to rely on your other senses, which will work overtime to compensate – especially touch and taste. Tried that? Then lead by primal example. Show him how you’d like to be manhandled by mounting him, pinning his wrists down on the bed and riding him like a bronco. He’ll pick up on your carnal cues and return the frisky favour.

YOUR FEAR – INITIATING SEX
This one can sound scary – what if you get turned down? – but, equally, role reversal can be a huge passion pusher. ‘Men are used to taking control, so it’s especially exciting when you turn the tables,’ says Yvonne K Fulbright, author of Touch Me There! (Hunter House Publishers) ‘Men are turned on by a woman who takes control of her sexual needs and he'll lust after you even more since you’ll be in charge of his pleasure. Another plus: calling the shots in bed can result in more confidence and assertiveness outside it.’
Have Fun: The good news is that you don’t have to pull anything overtly sexual to get his juices flowing. In fact, anything that gets him thinking about sex should do the trick. Try these tricks to push his buttons. While you’re taking a shower in the morning, leave the door ajar. The sound of water and the thought of you wet, naked and clean will inspire him to get dirty. Or when you know he’s on his way home, send him a sexy text, along the lines of, ‘l’m horny, where are you?’ Lastly when you’re getting dressed, have him walk in on you while you’re donning a bra, pants and heels. Once you’ve let him know you’re hot for him, it’ll take all of two seconds for him to let you know he’s hot for you, too.
Be Fearless: Get him to sit so his back is resting against a wall, and slowly lower yourself on top of him, keeping your feet flat on the floor. Rest your hands on the wall behind him and bounce up and down on his shaft, alternating between shallow and deep thrusts. ‘Most of the nerve endings are at the entrance of the vagina,’ explains Kerner. ‘But lots of different factors, like G-spot stimulation, cervical pressure and clitoral contact, contribute to you reaching The Big O. When you vary between shallow and deep movement you’ll hit all these zones, sending your sensations into overdrive.’ He’ll love the sight of your parts bouncing around – and your quads will get a workout, too!

YOUR FEAR – YOU’RE BORING BECAUSE YOU LIKE MISSIONARY
One of the great things about the good old man-on-top position is that it’s so intimate – your faces are close enough to kiss, you can make continuous eye contact and the length of your bodies are pressed together. But just because he’s setting the pace doesn’t mean you can't shake things up. Don’t be afraid to add moves to make this oldie-but-goody sizzle in a whole new way.
Have Fun: Try the CAT (Coital Alignment Technique). Once your man is inside you, move up so the base of his penis and pelvic bone are aligned with your clitoris. Instead of thrusting, rock from side to side. If you need to, place a pillow under your bottom. He’ll have to peel you off the ceiling.
Be Fearless: Ready to take it up a notch? Create more G-spot-friendly leverage by bringing your knees to your chest, or placing a pillow under your bottom. If you’re feeling flexible you can bend your legs, placing your feet on his chest. Or put your legs flat on the bed, straighten them out and squeeze your thighs together for a deeper, tighter fit. ]]> Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/hot-things-to-try-after-sex The Great Lover Playbook. Just like everything else bedroom related, afterplay is very much about touch. But it's also about timing. That's why we've organized these moves according to the specific times when they're most erotically effective.

SECONDS AFTER SEX
• Immediately after climax, with your guy still inside you, run your fingers down his back, over his buttocks, and along his sides. Keep doing this technique in a slow rhythm up and down his back using a wavelike motion. Since most men's backs are very sensitive, it will soothe him and keep him stimulated at the same time.
• During sex, blood flow in the body rushes to the genitals. As it leaves, even the gentlest touch might be too much pressure for him, but lightly blowing on his package will help cool him off while his body settles down.
• Right after a red-hot mattress session, our egos are super vulnerable. So if there's something he did that drove you insane in a good way – from his technique to his kissing – now's the best time to tell him.
• Individually, most of us have a couple of post-sex sweet spots: areas that are particularly receptive to being touched, licked, tickled, or kissed. They can be anywhere from your collarbone to the insides of your wrists, where the skin is thin. Experiment with him to find each of yours.
• Leave him in the bed, then take a warm washcloth and gently towel him off in his below-the-belt region. His body temperature will be up post-climax, but don't use a cold cloth or it will be too jarring – the sensation of the warm heat will feel more pleasurable.

MINUTES AFTER SEX
• While lying on your sides spooning, take his hand and cup it around your breast, and hug his knees inside the backs of yours. Men aren't wired to be verbal post-orgasm, but this move will make you feel connected to him without even having to speak.
• He may not be in the mood to talk, but he can definitely listen, as long as it's something mellow and soothing. Have the remote to your stereo or iPod near the bed so you can hit 'play' without getting up. Suggestions: Lenny Kravitz, Coldplay, Natasha Bedingfield, or a customized mix CD or playlist.
• Have a heavy make-out session, alternating long, open-mouthed kisses with gentle nibbling. Kissing makes your pleasure endorphins skyrocket.
• After ejaculation, some men's sense of smell may be heightened. Light a scented candle that gives off a yummy aroma like vanilla or cinnamon.
• Many guys love lounging in bed after sex but crave physical space on the mattress. But instead of rolling over, create non-touching intimacy by lying on your sides facing each other. Or lie on your backs and just hold hands.
• Lead him into the shower 15 minutes later. Gently washing and caressing each other – especially with a frothy soap or body wash – is sexy in a nurturing way.

AN HOUR AFTER SEX
• Brush different parts of your body – your fingertips, a strand of hair, your breasts – past his lips. There are big concentrations of nerve endings on the lips, which are extremely sensitive to touch and will raise his arousal levels.
• Feed each other sensual foods to get your blood sugars back up, among other things. Bite-size snacks that have some fat and sugar, such as chocolate or ice cream, are ideal.
• Create anticipation for the next time by suggesting a spicy new twist. The perfect example: 'The next time we have sex, I'd like to try doing it in front of a full-length mirror.' Boom: You have planted a tantalizing visual that he will feel eager to bring to life as soon as physically possible.
• Keep a set of dice by your bedside table, and take turns rolling to decide which one of you gets to do what to each other. For example, if you roll a 5, he gets five teasing kisses down his happy trail. If he rolls a 2, he owes you a two-minute foot rub (or have him massage your scalp – it can be surprisingly erotic). Before long, the dice will be on the floor, and the two of you will be going at it again.
• Get just a little bit dressed. Put on something that covers up your goods but that you know he finds hot. Depending on his personal preference, that could mean anything from a bra and panties to his white undershirt. It'll pave the way for a sultry striptease.
• Turn him on his stomach and give him a gluteus maximus massage. Start by gently rubbing his buns, then with some flesh in your grasp, 'stir' them in circles, until you're gently spreading his cheeks. By doing so, you're also indirectly stimulating his package from an exciting new angle – an unexpectedly intense way to get his blood flowing down there for round 2. ]]> Fri, 04 Dec 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/get-tested CLINIC ALERT
There are thousands of HIV/Aids clinics dotted all over the country, but it doesn't help if you have no idea where to start looking. To find any treatment, testing, or emergency clinic, by province, town, or suburb, Karabo.org.za is the best resource we've found. With a simple search, you'll be able to not only find a clinic that's close to you, but one which suits your specific needs.

The website will locate your nearest clinic on an interactive map, and once it's matched your search results, you'll be provided with contact details, address, nearest landmarks, the sister in charge of the clinic, what language is spoken and what services it provides. The site also includes additional information on treatment, testing, counselling and secondary illnesses.

FACTS AND FIGURES
South Africa's Minister of Health Dr. Aaron Motsoaledi, reminds us to keep the latest figures in mind and be responsible on World Aids Day.
• South Africa's mortality rate has increased by 34% since 2004.
• Approximately 5.7 million people are still living with HIV/Aids.
• The infection rate in sub-Saharan Africa dropped by 400 000 people last year.
• The highest infection rate lies with women between the age of 25 and 29-years old; i.e. one in three women from this age group is infected with HIV.

DEBUNK THE MYTHS
It's hard to believe with all the information out there, that there are still myths surrounding HIV/Aids contraction and treatment. Here is a brief reminder of which untruths you should ignore.

MYTH 1: I won't get HIV if I sleep with an infected person only once.
Why we may believe it: Wishful thinking!
Why we shouldn't: It takes only one sexual encounter to get HIV, says Dr Clive Evian, director of Aids Management and Support. 'And while the virus may not spread from your partner every time, it's foolish to take any risk. If you have a genital disease or STD, the risk of infection is even higher.'

MYTH 2: It's only necessary to use one condom a night, even if you have sex more than once.
Why we may believe it: Condoms seem hardy and it's easy to think that, with a quick wipe, they're ready for the next round.
Why we shouldn't: HIV and other viruses such as genital herpes are found in all seminal fluid, including the clear fluid produced before and after ejaculation, says Dr David Harrison, CEO of Love Life. 'It's not easy to clean a condom properly to remove all viruses, and reusing one puts you at risk.'

MYTH 3: It's okay as long as he doesn't ejaculate inside me.
Why we may believe it: We imagine HIV is found only in semen and that if he withdraws his penis before ejaculation we're safe.
Why we shouldn't: 'HIV can pass through the mucous membranes lining the inside of the vagina or rectum, or through cuts in the mouth or other areas coming into contact with blood or semen,' says Harrison. You also run a small risk if he ejaculates outside you and semen spreads around the entrance to your vagina, says Evian.

MYTH 4: HIV can pass through condom latex.
Why we may believe it: This myth has been repeated by many, including leaders of the Roman Catholic Church in South Africa.
Why we shouldn't: Latex is impermeable to viruses, says Harrison. They can only get through if it's damaged, so keep condoms in a cool place to prevent heat damage and open the foil carefully. (Don't use teeth!)

MYTH 5: Antiretroviral treatment (ART) is a cure.
Why we may believe it: We're hopeful that if ART prolongs and improves the quality of life, it may be a cure.
Why we shouldn't: Although ART can keep people healthy for years, there's no cure for Aids, says Harrison. 'Antiretrovirals are the only scientific treatment available to manage HIV,' says Nokhwezi Hoboyi, editor of the Treatment Action Campaign's newsletter Equal Treatment. 'And I'm living proof that they work. In 2005, my CD4 count [which indicates the strength of the immune system] was 11, and after taking my treatment correctly, it's gone up to 195 – just five points below normal.'

*Additional statistical information provided by the Human Sciences Research Council and the Department of Health. ]]> Tue, 01 Dec 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-pill-101 theWomanSpace, Dr. Carol Thomas.

What's on the market in South Africa?
Women in South Africa can access all oral contraceptives (available anywhere in the world), including the skin patch version.

How effective is the Pill?
If used correctly, the failure of the Pill in preventing pregnancy is less than 1%. The only more effective methods are long-term methods, such as the progestogen-only intra-uterine device, injections and implants; or the permanent methods of male and female sterilisation.

Why is the Pill effective?
The Pill works by suppressing the release of an egg at mid-cycle, so this is obviously an all or nothing situation: no egg, no pregnancy. In addition, a thick plug of mucus is formed in the canal of the mouth of the womb (cervix), which acts as a mechanical barrier to sperm and offers some protection against organisms that cause uterine and tubal infections, thus also protecting against infection-related infertility.

How long should/can you use it?
Because the formulations available for the last 20 to 25 years contain less than or equal to 35 micrograms of ethinyl estradiol, i.e. they are low dose, and provided you are generally healthy and have no specific contra-indications to hormonal use, there is no reason why you cannot use it continuously for as long as you need contraception. One of the greatest urban legends stemming from our parents' generation is the notion of giving your body a break from the Pill. The most common side effect of this practice is an unwanted pregnancy. If you don't like the idea of taking the Pill, if you want to experience ovulation, or are having unacceptable side effects, you should stop using the Pill and look at another contraceptive choice.

Which brands need a prescription from a gynaecologist or doctor?
All brands are available on prescription, but certain pharmacists and nurse practitioners have dispensing powers to ensure the Pill is easily accessible.

What are low-dose pills?
All pills available to women in South Africa are low-dose pills equal to or below 35 micrograms of the oestrogen. Once you have consulted with your doctor, he or she will determine which pill will best suit your needs.
• 35 microgram pills: Triphasil, Logynon ED, Diane 35, Ginette, Minerva
• 30 microgram pills: Nordette; Minulette; Femodene; Yasmin; Marvelon
• 20 microgram pills: Mercilon; Melodene; Loette
• 15 microgram pills: Mirelle; Yaz

What are the side effects of the Pill?
Now that we have such low-dose pills, side effects are minimal, but having said that, there is an extremely small group of women who do not enjoy being on the Pill.

Negative side effects of low-dose pills:
When you read the package insert, the possible side effects start at nausea and end at death, like with any other package insert. Because of the particular history of the Pill, the insert is extremely long. This should not scare you, but be reassuring. It means that it has been appropriately researched, thus making it safe for the current generation of users. Weight gain is the most common known side effect of the Pill, although I have not met a woman who doesn't worry about putting on weight. There may be a premenstrual bloated feeling, due to water retention, but this is temporary and should not be present by the time you reach the third packet of the Pill. If your libido is affected, changing Pill dose or formulation may help, but re-examine your relationship as well, if it occurs long after starting the Pill. The more progestogenic pills can make an underlying depression worse.

Positive side effects of low-dose pills:
Low-dose pills reduce the risk of ovarian cancer by 80% if used for eight years and beyond, as well as endometrial (uterine) cancer by 70% if used for more than six years. The Pill helps maintain bone mass, offering protection against osteoporosis, and prevents anaemia by decreasing blood loss by 30% to 50%. The Pill can also prevent and treat the most common ovarian cysts, decrease or eliminate period pain and improve acne.

Important facts:
• Take your pill at about the same time daily – decide whether your lifestyle makes you a morning or an evening person. The reason the return to fertility is restored so quickly after stopping the Pill, is because it exits via your urine within 48 to 72 hours.
• Always use extra protection if you miss tablets, are on antibiotics, vomit within two hours of taking your pill, have severe diarrhoea or have breakthrough bleeding.
• Check with your doctor whenever you start an additional medication – for example, some anti-epileptics and drugs used for mood disorders interfere with the action of the Pill.
• Importantly, TB medication interferes with the metabolism of the Pill and renders it less effective.
• Should nausea occur, change the time of the day that you take the Pill.
• Remember the Pill does not protect you against sexually transmitted infections and condoms should feature extremely high on the agenda until both parties in the relationship have presented each other with HIV reports, which include the window period.
• The placebo (inactive or hormone free) pills are included so that women can have a sense of menstrual level, but are not essential. This means that if you want to use the Pill continuously for a few months without having a period, it is perfectly safe and acceptable to do this. ]]> Tue, 24 Nov 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/holiday-sex Dr. Marlene Wasserman has rounded up her tips on how to have a great holiday romance.

DO
• Kiss… a lot. Whether it's with your summer fling or your boyfriend, kissing is a must to get you two going.
• Surprise yourself, and each other. Try a new, adventurous position or do something spontaneous. Go skinny-dipping or take a moonlight stroll.
• Talk to each other. Communication is integral; the better you communicate, the more comfortable you'll feel with one another.
• Be realistic. Wild, crazy sex probably won’t be immediate if there has been intermittent sex during the year. Expect a little bit of awkwardness.
• Create privacy. Lock yourselves in your hotel room for the day and put your cell phones on silent.
• Include your exercise routine as part of your sex life. For example, walk in the mountains, swim in the ocean and get back to bed.
• Masturbate. With or without your boyfriend, masturbation is a great way to stimulate your sexual exploits.
• Be playful. Bite, kiss, nibble, play strip poker, let go and enjoy the stress-free time you're spending with each other.
• Take the time to experiment and explore. Whether it means experimenting with each other's bodies or exploring your surroundings, make use of the time you have to discover new things about each other.
• Build memories. Take photos or record your trip. You'll never regret capturing those happy moments.
• Always have lubricant on hand for those unexpected sand-in-your-bikini moments.
• Bring a box of sex toys. Think vibrators, cock rings and toys you can use together.

DON'T
• …expect holiday sex if there has been intermittent sex during the year.
• …make confessions on the 31st. Rather wait until you are sober and in the right frame of mind.
• …forget to use condoms, even with long-term partners.
• …make big decisions on New Year's Eve.
• …expect the wild, holiday sex to stay wild the whole year.
• …make any dodgy promises under the mistletoe. For example, 'I promise you sex every Saturday night for the whole of next year.'
• …ever have regret sex.
• …regret not having sex you want.
• …expect to see the holiday hook up again, just savour the moments of madness.
• …ever cheat. It will take the rest of the year to recover from this betrayal.

For more ways on how to protect your heart this summer, turn to p.100 of the December issue of COSMOPOLITAN magazine (on sale Wednesday 18 November), and read the Summer Lovin' feature. ]]> Tue, 17 Nov 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/good-vibrations

G-SPOT NAILER	G-SPOT NAILER The easiest way to hit the spot is with an Ejaculating G-Juicer (R310, Inamorata). Simply pop the studded-silicone sleeve onto the tip of the curved vibrator and you're all set to enjoy a deeper, more intense orgasm.
BED BUG
HIP HIPPO
MAGIC WAND
HIT THE SPOT
PINK PLEASURER
BRUSH WITH LOVE
EIGHT-LEGGED O

*Images by Andre Wepener from DIS

]]> Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/make-condoms-sexy 1. TALK DIRTY
Which do you think he would rather hear you say? 'You will have to put this on', or 'I'm going to slide this on you so you can slide deep inside me.'

2. DIY
If you usually let your man put the condom on, why not do it yourself? Lean over him and slowly roll it down to show him how much you appreciate his manhood. Or put a flavoured one on with your mouth. Suck the teat of the condom gently between your teeth and then ease it down his penis, licking him as you do so.

3. LUBE IT UP
Drop a little water-based lubricant inside the tip of the condom for extra sensitivity when he penetrates. And add lube to the outside of the condom for slippery sex.

4. BE CHOOSY
All condoms are not created equal, so shop around. There are many varieties, including those with more space at the tip that have been highly rated as pleasurable by both men and women. Also try condoms with ribs and studs.

5. GET GIRLY
The female condom makes a great sex toy! It's made with flexible rings at either end; the outer ring, which sits outside your body, is good for rubbing on your clitoris and the inner ring fits inside your body. Some men say that when they're inside a woman, they bump up against it and it tickles them. The female condom makes a funny squishy sound when you're having sex, which adds to the fun.
]]> Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/learn-to-let-go-in-bed For Women Only (Virago Press Ltd). 'And often there's a recurring reason – a busy schedule, body hang--ups – that keeps you from chilling.'

But since women are more prone to disruptions than men, staying in the moment is often a challenge. Spot your passion distraction below, then find out how not to let it derail you.

PASSION DISTRACTION 1
Feeling Overwhelmed
'When you have a lot on your plate, it's hard to go from mental to physical mode,' explains Lou Paget, author of The Great Lover Playbook (Gotham Books). To clear your head (and clear a path to satisfaction), focus on sensations presex. Sink into a bath and let the water envelop you, or rub lotion all over.

Should an item from your to-do list creep into your head mid-hookup, con¬centrate on moving past it as you breathe deeply. 'This calms you and increases arousal,' says Aline Zold¬brod, PhD, coauthor of Sex Talk (New Harbinger Publications). Then run your hands along your guy's skin to tune back in to how great he feels.

PASSION DISTRACTION 2
Having a Not-Hot Day
Even if you're usually confident, it's normal to undergo bouts of body anxiety – obsessing over your stomach if you're bloated from PMS or won¬dering whether your guy wished your breasts were bigger/smaller/rounder.

The solution is to aim for a foxier frame of mind. 'Get a spray tan, wear hot lingerie – whatever does the trick on a day you feel less than sexy,' says Paget. Next, request that your man log extra time heating you up with fore¬play. 'Knowing he loves touching you will boost your ego,' she explains.

PASSION DISTRACTION 3
Getting Disrupted
'Some people are ultrasensitive to their surroundings,' says Berman. All it takes is a noisy TV or harsh light to throw you off. So make your bou¬doir supremely peaceful. Clear clutter, light a candle, shut the window. With¬out pesky di¬versions, you're free to savor every single second.

]]> Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/how-to-climax-together He Comes Next (HarperCollins Publishers). 'Every sensation is amplified because you're experiencing it in tandem.'

Don't panic if, until now, the closest you and your man have been to coming together is turning up at the pub at the same time. When we asked people about climaxing together, many of them agreed that doing it in sync is a tricky business – and there are two main hurdles standing in the way. Here's how to overcome them and come together instead...

In-sync spoiler #1: You can’t climax during sex
Fifty eight percent of COSMO readers in the UK who struggle to stay in sync said they could orgasm, but not during intercourse. To achieve this together, you need to learn to climax when you have sex. 'It may be easier to peak during manual and oral sex because he's focused on your clitoris,' says Ava Cadell, author of The Pocket Idiot's Guide To Oral Sex (Alpha Books). 'In many positions, you won't achieve clitoral stimulation unless you consciously make contact.'

To orgasm through intercourse, recreate the sensations you feel during oral and manual action. And use extra lubricant to imitate the warmth and wetness of his mouth. Also, start slowly. 'Let him enter you only halfway in the beginning, simulating the shallow penetration from his mouth or hands,' suggests Kerner.

As he goes deeper, touch yourself so you're stimulated on the inside and the outside. With a little practice, climaxing during intercourse will come naturally. When you're primed for peaking in tandem, read the next section.

In-sync spoiler #2: Your timing is off
Forty two percent of COSMO readers who could orgasm during intercourse couldn't manage it at the same time as their man. Since men tend to climax faster than women, you need a head start. Get him to tantalise you manually or orally for 10 minutes, so you're close to the edge.

Once you're ready for intercourse, opt for the you-on-top position so that you can control the pace. 'Rub your clitoris in a circular motion to encourage more blood to flow there’, says Cadell. And if he's getting close to climaxing too quickly, 'ask him to pull out so that only the tip of his penis is inside you and to make shallow movements,’ says Kerner. This downshifts his arousal, while giving you intense clitoral stimulation.

If he's just moments away, stop having sex and gently squeeze the head of his penis for five seconds. 'Squeezing halts the blood flow to his penis, which abates arousal,' explains Kerner.

And what if he still reaches climax before you? Don't give up if the timing's off the first or even the fifth time – it's fun trying and the more often you try climaxing together, the easier it will become. ]]> Tue, 06 Oct 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sa-men-good-in-bed
Great news is South African men have been voted as one the countries who have the best lovers in the world, according to a poll by OnePoll.com. The UK-based online research company polled 15 000 female travellers from 20 countries in their search to find the best bedmates.

South Africa may only have been ranked #6, but that's better than the Germans who are "too smelly", the English who are "too lazy", the Swedish who are "too quick" and the Dutch who are "too domineering".

Here's the full ranking according to OnePoll...

BEST LOVERS
1. Spain
2. Brazil
3. Italy
4. France
5. Ireland
6. South Africa
7. Australia
8. New Zealand
9. Denmark
10. Canada

WORST LOVERS
1. Germany (too smelly)
2. England (too lazy)
3. Sweden (too quick)
4. Holland (too dominating)
5. America (too rough)
6. Greece (too lovey-dovey)
7. Wales (too selfish)
8. Scotland (too loud)
9. Turkey (too sweaty)
10. Russia (too hairy)

Do you think SA men deserve to be ranked that highly on the global poll? What's you experience? Drop us a comment below. ]]> Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/when-should-you-sleep-with-him
'Great chemistry is hard to come by, so when you meet a man you automatically click with, all you can think about is having sex with him. Problem number one: once you give up the goods, you immediately lose the upper hand in the dating power dynamics. Sex creates a false sense of intimacy, so even if you were feeling iffy about a man, you'll suddenly crave commitment.

'Now to problem number two: this man might not be ready for the relationship to go further, so while you want to move forward, he's locked in place. The situation can make you feel helpless because he's dictating how serious the relationship gets.

'But let's backtrack. During the period before you sleep together, he's fully under your spell. The longer you hold off, the more intrigued he becomes, allowing you I to set the pace and control how things develop. That's why I believe it's so important to postpone sex for as long as you can – I say at least a month. I know it can be hard to resist when the attraction between you is so intense, but, trust me, it'll definitely payoff in the end. Here are a few points for you to consider...'

HE WANTS YOU TO SAY NO
'In the beginning of the dating chase, men are looking to get lucky but they're also looking to make a connection. Even though he may turn on the charm, he'd rather you turn him down than give in. Yes, it's contradictory. He obviously wants to have sex, but he loves a good challenge, and the more he has to work, the more enticing the prize will be. If he likes you, he's subconsciously hoping you'll fend him off because it makes you more desirable. Anything worth having is worth waiting for. As long as you dangle the promise of sex in front of him, he'll be fixated on you.'

THE SEX WILL BE BETTER
'Which brings me to my next point: the longer you have him in this holding pattern, the more fulfilling the sex will be when it happens. In addition to locking in his interest, you're also building up the anticipation of what's to come.

'First-time sex isn't always the greatest, but because you've been looking forward to it for so long, it'll seem more intense. Plus, since you waited to do the deed until you felt comfortable with him, you'll feel more in charge of the situation.'

YOU'LL TRUST YOUR FEELINGS
'It's no secret that good sex can cloud your judgment. If you click sexually with a man, you might overlook his flaws or inflate his good qualities to justify your reasons for sleeping with him.

'But when you wait to have sex with him, you keep your eyes wide open. Since you've had a chance to get to know each other, you can trust that you're sleeping with him for the right reasons, not just because of intense physical attraction. Coming to the decision on your own terms, at the right time, not only boosts your confidence, but also makes you feel more empowered in the relationship.' ]]> Tue, 22 Sep 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/technical-excellence
Get a 'life-sized' vibrator or dildo to practise on. (You could also use a cucumber.) You may need to steady it by wedging it into a chest of drawers and closing a drawer on it. Make sure you've applied sufficient lubrication before trying out the instructions below. Your vibrator won't be able to give you feedback – but at least you can get an idea of the style.






THE OIL FALL

Cup your hand around his testi¬cles, spreading out your fingers slightly. Ideally, your hand should be over and around the testicles rather than just underneath. With the other hand, pour some slightly warmed oil over the head of his penis so it slides down and runs onto his testicles. He'll experience this as a kind of flooding sensation.

THE PUSH-AND-PULL

Grip the penis with both hands, one above the other. Glide your hands away from each other, then bring them back together. Repeat these back-and-forth movements fluidly for maximum effect.

JUICING A LEMON

Grasping the penis at the base with one hand, run the palm of the other hand over and around the head 10 times in one direction and 10 times in the other. Visually, this looks as if you're juicing a lemon. For intense sensation, use the hand at the base to move the penis in the direction opposite to that of your top hand.

TWISTING THE NIGHT AWAY

With both hands gripped around the penis, twist them in opposite directions as if you're wringing out the washing. Then twist them the other way. Work your way up and down the shaft while doing this.

THE ROCKET LAUNCH

Run one gripped hand, followed by the other, down the penis from top to bottom. Then run one hand, then the other, back up the penis. Next, run your hands down twice, then back up twice. Repeat these strokes three times down and three times up, and so on – all the way to 10 strokes down and 10 up.

>> PAGE 2
]]> Tue, 15 Sep 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/lead-him-on
SEX UP HIS IPOD
Download some racy tracks onto your partner's iPod. Next time he's looking at his playlist, he'll notice a new addition – and with a title such as 'Hot 'n' horny tunes from me', he won't hesitate to hit the 'play' button. Here are some suggestions:

Ego by Beyoncè
U R a Fever by The Kills
Wicked Game by Chris Isaak
Oops (Oh My) by Tweet, featuring Missy Elliot
Sexy MF by Prince and The New Power Generation
I Touch Myself by the Divinyls
Erotica by Madonna
Je T'aime...Moi Non Plus by Serge Gainsbourg
Turn Me On by Norah Jones
I Want Your Sex by George Michael
Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake

LEARN TO GIVE GOOD PHONE SEX
Chatting on the phone needn't be all talk and no action. If you're brave enough, you can indulge in a seriously naughty adventure for two. All you have to do is let your erotic imagination take charge. Author Anne Hooper takes us through the do's and don'ts.

The rules
• Make the call when you won't be interrupted (and check that he's not going to be busy, either).
• Make sure your surroundings are as pleasant and comfortable as possible. Warmth, candlelight and perfume sprayed in the air will help create the right atmosphere.
• Sit or lie somewhere completely private and comfortable.

The action
• Start slowly and seductively telling him exactly what you're wearing. (In other words, not a lot!)
• Don't go overboard with porn-star-style screaming and shouting. Keep your voice breathy and sexy.
• Be truthful. Tell it like you're really feeling it.
• Don't fake anything.
• If you're missing your partner, let him know. If there are things that you wish he was doing to you, make sure you voice them as graphically as possible.
• If there are things he'd like to have done to him, tell him exactly how you'd do them.
• Talk about self-stimulation. If you use a vibrator, let your partner know that – in your imagination – he is holding one and rubbing it against your clitoris and vagina.

SEND OH-SO-SUGGESTIVE TEXTS
Got texter's block? Get going with our steamy SMS suggestions – he'll be hot for you before he's had a chance to hit 'reply'...

• Multiply incredibly horny by home alone. What do U get?
• U know those sexy, black lace knickers of mine? Well, I'm not wearing them
• I've been watching a dirty movie and I'm feeling inspired...
• Satin sheets or cotton? Can't decide which feels better on my naked body
• Just finished my pole-dancing class & am looking 4 an audience
• Bought a new scarf 2day. Need U to tell me how it looks... around my eyes
• My ice cream's melting all over my body. What U gonna do about it?

3 FAIL-SAFE TIPS FOR TEXXXTING
1. Check for typos before hitting 'send'.
2. Never get finger-flirty with a married man.
3. Pace it. Too long between texts and you lose momentum. Too fast and you lose anticipation. Just like sex itself, really…
]]> Tue, 11 Aug 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-tricks-and-treats our world, otherwise we might as well be at home alone watching old Brad Pitt movies and eyeing the cucumber in the fridge. Try our tricks for driving him wild while at the same time making sure you get lots of yummy, mind-shattering sex treats too.

BLOW HIM AWAY
The way to a man's penis is through his... everything else.
THE TRICK Shift slowly downwards as if you're going to give him a long, languorous blow job – but take ages to get around to it. Kiss and lick the line between his penis and his navel, lightly stroke his inner thighs, cup his balls in your hand and trail your fingers over them as you move your hands round the back to tickle and squeeze his buttocks. Let your lips and tongue brush over the crease of his groin and that delicious V leading above his hipbones and breathe gently outwards as your mouth passes his penis. But don't touch it. When you think he's about to crack and start telling you state secrets or revealing where the buried pirate treasure is, take him deep into your mouth, sucking firmly and keeping your lips tight as you run your mouth up and down. Don't forget to use your hands as well. Expect a loud, euphoric groan.
THE TREAT All that time you spend exploring his lower body will let you discover more bits of him that shiver when you touch them. You'll have so many more ways to get him horny – and you'll have given him lots of ideas for experimenting with the same places on your body. Enjoy!

GIRL ON TOP
The only way to get what you want is to go ahead and take it. And he won't complain at all if you show him exactly what makes you tick.
THE TRICK As foreplay is heating up, grab him by the shoulders and push him onto his back, climbing forcefully on top of him and putting him inside you. Tell him out loud what you want him to do: 'Keep your hands by your sides, I'm doing the moving,' or, 'I want you to hold my butt now.' Unless you're usually Miss Dominatrix he'll be taken totally by surprise and he'll get a major thrill out of how badly you want him.
THE TREAT You're in charge, so you choose the angle of penetration. You're also in control of how fast, how hard, how deep – and since you're running the show, you also get to decide how long you want it to last. Watch his face for a vacant expression that may indicate he's close to coming and, if you still want to go on a bit longer, slow the pace until he's calmed down a little.

OH, OH, O!
There's nothing like a bit of oral agreement (verbal, that is) to liven up a sexy session.
THE TRICK If you like what he's doing, let him know: let heavy breathing become light moaning, then louder moaning, then whispering (you've got to keep him guessing), then get as loud as you like and the neighbours can bear. Fewer things are sexier than a compliment – and a shriek in the sack is as big an accolade as a guy could wish for.
THE TREAT A stroke to his ego is often even more effective than a stroke to any other part of him. If he knows you like what he's doing, the positive reinforcement will keep him at it. Of course, if the bump and grind is getting a bit predictable you could also use this trick to inject more enthusiasm into his thrusting. The louder you're yelling 'Oh! Oh!', the harder he'll try and the harder he'll thrust. It's like your very own volume-control switch – and in the bedroom, you're in charge of the remote.

SAUCY SURPRISE
What do you prefer doing: washing the dishes or making love to your man?
THE TRICK Think of the thing your man likes doing least, be it fixing the dishwasher or swotting for an exam. The last thing on his mind when he's doing it is sex, so imagine the thrill he'll get when you casually perch yourself nearby to eat a healthy piece of fruit. Maybe a banana. Lick your lips, sigh with enjoyment, then put your feet on the table and let your skirt slide up your thigh – whatever will catch his attention. Or, for maximum impact, wait till he's absorbed in his task, then quietly go off and slither into something skimpy (or nothing at all). Walk over and start pulling off his shirt and unbuttoning his jeans. The kick he'll get out of an unexpected bonkathon will only be enhanced by the fact that he's getting out of finishing a dull chore.
THE TREAT He'll be so taken aback by your out-of-context seduction that he may try out some imaginative new moves of his own. You could even use whatever he was doing to launch the plot line of your very own role-playing porn fantasy. And next time you're filing the electricity bills or pulling up weeds in the garden, he – inspired by your clever trick – might come up with some ideas for activities that are way more fun.

NO TREAT
They sound deliciously sexy but these tasty treats should stay out of your love life:
Honey: Are you thinking golden threads of sweet stuff dripping onto your nipples, ready to be licked and savoured? You're wrong. Think gooey bodies glued together, tacky sheets and curious ants.
Jelly: Yes, grown women who don't know better are sometimes persuaded to wrestle in it but wobbly chunks of the multicoloured stuff they serve at kiddies' birthday parties isn't sexy. You'll kill the moment by laughing, and then wish you'd chosen custard instead.
Cream cheese: When you eat it, it's smooth and tasty, but smear it on skin and it'll start to dry out and get tacky. And tacky isn't good for sex play. Neither is cheesy, for that matter.
]]> Tue, 14 Jul 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/get-your-freak-on
With 99 out of 100 fetishists being male, there's a strong chance that at some point in your life you could find yourself in a bedroom with a boyfriend who, instead of staring adoringly into your eyes, wants to lick your eyeballs or wear your dirty knickers. As the website www.deviantdesires.com notes, 'Fetishists believe nothing is sacred and anything can be sexualised, from Disney characters and B-movie monsters to baked beans, latex birthday balloons and Thanksgiving dinner.'

ODD BALLS
Cartoon characters and turkey breasts aside, just what kinds of kinky behaviour are SA men into? A chat to the girls from a 'luxury executive hideaway', the Cape Ranch, gives an excellent introduction. Isabella* says feet and arse fetishists are common. 'You can be drop-dead gorgeous but if you have ugly feet, you don't stand a chance,' she says. Lola*, a foot-job expert, explains how some clients like to rub their penises against the heel of a spiky stiletto or masturbate over her feet. She's interrupted by Toni*, eager to tell all about a chap who made her smoke, then drop ash on his chest and rub the ash into his skin. Talk turns to the 'string man', who winds a shoelace or mop string in a figure of eight around his testicles so tightly they turn blue....

Then there is the panty-sniffer, the man who brings his own surgical gloves to the party and the one who likes his nipples twisted and bitten. Lola had to hold a pawpaw while her client shagged it; Isabella met a man who brought in a fur coat for her to wear while being 'dirty to daddy'. But Kim's* experience was one of the strangest. 'There was a man who spread a black rubber sheet over the bed,' she says. He produced a latex suit for himself, modelled exactly on a suit worn by actors in a porn film (which he'd also brought along). Then he brought out a little latex outfit for Kim, with tight pants, puffy sleeves, a high collar and a handy slit up the back. 'He seemed to get off on the idea of seeing my perspiring body through the latex,' she says.

RULES OF THE GAME
Dr Lorraine Becker, author of At Last: The Truth About Lovemaking (At Last Pharmaceuticals), says there is no real difference between fetishes and paraphilias (defined as recurring, often deviant or unusual sexual behaviours; paedophilia is an extreme, illegal example). Many are completely safe and, says Becker, need do no harm to relationships.

'As with any sexual activity, joining in depends on how you feel and is about good communication,' she says. 'Fetishes can be as harmless as him wanting to wear fishnet stockings. Ask him why - but if it's not going to harm anyone and you're comfortable with it, it's fine.'

Amber*, 32, an estate agent in Durban, agrees. She met her first boyfriend at university when she was 18 and he was 24; both were virgins. When they eventually decided they were ready to make love, he confessed he wanted to suck her toes. 'I thought it was the weirdest and most disgusting thing,' says Amber. 'He'd put my whole big toe in his mouth!' Amber persevered. She got used to his foot fetish and the relationship grew - in fact, the two are now married. 'If you're not excited by his fetish, it's not the end of the world,' she says. 'But keep an open mind. Remember: if your boyfriend can tell you about something like this without you freaking out, it's a sign there's a good understanding between you.'

Understanding is crucial, says Becker - particularly with fetishes that involve giving or receiving pain (such as bondage, S & M, sensory deprivation and domination games). 'It's essential to talk about this kind of sex upfront,' she says. 'You must know what you're getting into and have code words that allow you to escape.'

Carla*, 30, a book designer in Cape Town, had a lover who liked rough sex. 'He would pin me down or hold my hands so I couldn't move,' she says. He would also tie her up and choke her. Despite this, she always felt in control. 'He was extremely domineering but I enjoyed it - probably because I'm a daddy's girl and deep down I like it when men take charge!' The worst part for Carla was a nasty carpet burn. 'I trusted him implicitly,' she says. 'I think you get off more on the extreme trust you put in your partner than the actual sex.'

Remember that any sex act is either desirable or obscene depending on your point of view, says Becker. One person may be as horrified by the idea of oral sex as someone else may be if asked to share her underwear. He may not get it up without wearing a Mexican wrestler's mask - but she may refuse sex with the light on...

HIDEOUS KINKY
This is not to say that anything goes. The girls at the Cape Ranch stop laughing at one point. 'Don't indulge your man if what he's suggesting makes you uncomfortable,' says Lola. Kim agrees. 'You know, our world is actually the nice, neat, tidy world,' she says. 'There's a darker world out there.'
On the Internet, fetishists debate the ethics around everything from cannibalism to zoophilia (sex with animals). Should a crush fetishist, for example, be allowed to make his or her partner crush small living creatures underfoot for his or her own pleasure? Even guns are on the agenda. The US artist and author Katharine Gates, who runs www.deviantdesires.com, is a self-proclaimed gun fetishist: she gets turned on by cleaning her weapons and occasionally masturbates with an unloaded firearm. But she draws the line at playing with loaded guns and, in an online discussion, asks whether others agree. 'I have often thought it would be thrilling to combine my balloon fetish with guns,' Jon* replies wistfully. 'I would love to have my wife shooting at balloons while we make love. The idea of her pointing a barrel at a doomed balloon and slowly squeezing the trigger...the blast as the shot goes off and takes out the balloon as though it wasn't even there… It is one of those things where the desire is great but it's too dangerous and risky to try. Perhaps if we go camping in a really remote place….'

Despite the many grey areas, there are some hard-and¬-fast rules for fetishists of all persuasions. Children are always out of bounds. And, as Gates says in an online discussion, 'Any real-life activity that results in permanent injury and/or death - even if the person consents to it - must remain illegal and unacceptable.'

Sources: Katharine Gates, creator of www.deviantdesires.com, and Suzi Godson and Mel Agace, authors of The Sex Book (Cassel/Illustrated).

WHEN HE HAS A FETISH
Dr Eugene Viljoen, a clinical psychologist in Pretoria, offers advice on how to deal with your boyfriend's fetish.
First ask him what he'd like you to do. You can be very graphic - in fact, this could be seen as foreplay. He may become very aroused telling you about his fantasies. The eroticism of talking can be an intense form of intimacy.
Ask what's in it for you. Will it satisfy you as well - or is it just about him?
If your gut feeling is negative, don't do it.
If you are curious, go for it - then decide whether you like it or not.
See the first encounter as an experiment. If you don't like it, say so immediately. It's very unlikely that you will grow to like a particular act. If you don't say that you are uncomfortable upfront, you may start to fear intimate situations in future.
Don't fool yourself that your boyfriend or lover is just going through a phase. Most of these sexual behaviours are deep-seated and cannot be wished away.
If you compromise against your will just to please your boyfriend (or because you fear his rejection), this will harm the relationship in the future. As you become more self-confident, sex will become a war.
If, for example, the sex involves S & M and you don't like to inflict pain, abstain. You might feel revolted or have feelings of guilt that could harm you on a subconscious level. It may also influence your future perception/liking of sex.
Don't be blackmailed into kinky sex by your boyfriend's threats of leaving if you do not participate. Ask yourself what you are gaining from the relationship and why you are afraid to look for a more suitable partner.
Lastly, if you enjoy the sex, don't feel guilty!

STRANGER THAN FICTION
Here's a quick guide to some of life's fetishes:
Acomoclitic: A person for whom shaved and completely hairless genitals are a turn-on.
Chubby-chasers: People who are aroused by obesity.
Formicophilia: Getting your kicks by attracting small insects to your sexy bits – using jam, for example, to attract ants.
Infantilism: Nappies, bottles and baby clothes have all been fetishised. Some people just love being able to act like big babies.
Mudlarking: A subsection of wet-and-messy fetishism where participants derive sexual pleasure from playing in (or being completely engulfed by) mud or wet clay.
Rubber and Latex: Fetishists love the feel of the material. Some people like to mix wearing rubber with playing in mud (extra cloying and clammy); others like to add gas masks; while still others like to have their suits inflated with air.
Zoophilia: Having sex with animals is illegal in many countries, including South Africa. Some people masturbate their pets, while others go all the way.
]]> Fri, 12 Jun 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/be-a-tease
All you need is two dining-room chairs, a blindfold, a sexy outfit and music. A little chutzpah may help too. Step into your highest heels, put on some raunchy music and sit him down on one of the chairs – blindfolded – and you're ready to give him his unforgettable present.

Before you laugh this off, remember: you're a sassy, sexy woman and you can do this – especially with a few expert tips up your lacy sleeve. We asked the pros Teazers manager Greg Fedele, erotic-dance instructor Annie Baxter and stripper Charlie Scott, to tell us how it's done – and how he could return the favour. They helped us put together some routines. Before you get started, get ready. You must be comfortable and confident or it could end up being silly, not seductive. This is not the time or place for a good laugh.

First, get spruced up. Have a manicure, pedicure, facial and that Brazilian wax you've been considering…whatever it takes to make you feel gorgeous. Choose clothes you feel good in – the sexier, the easier it'll be to play the temptress – and be sure you can take them off without too much hassle.

Then choose a song you know and find it easy to move to. And make sure there's enough music to last the dance – you don't want to be left stranded in silence mid-strip! The choice of location is also vital. You must both feel comfortable there.

COSMO'S STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO GETTING IT OFF

STEP 1
Prepare the room. Clear your designated dance area of anything that could land you in a crippled heap on the floor, feeling like a slapstick star. Check that cell-phones are turned off, your glasses are topped up, the door is locked and the budgie cage is covered. Put two dining-room chairs opposite each other, a good distance apart. Light the candles, set the CD player, and you're ready to start.

STEP 2
Seat your man in one of the chairs and blindfold him. For added suspense, leave the room for a little while. Re-enter, press Play and gently remove his blindfold. Staring seductively into his eyes, use the blindfold to tie his hands softly behind his back, leaning over far enough for him to get a good look at your cleavage. Then, in your best Cell-C voice, tell him there'll be no talking or touching, thank you.

STEP 3
Sashay over to your chair, giving him time to appreciate how hot you look. Sit with your legs together, facing him, and run your hands slowly up your body and through your hair. Run your hands down your body to your knees and open your legs slightly, pushing your breasts together with your arms. Rub your thighs, lick your lips and give him a wink – if you can manage without having a giggling fit.

STEP 4
Slowly move over until you're standing in front of him, swaying your hips. You don't have to be a dancer for this – if you can make love, you can do an erotic dance. Move even closer and dance over one or both of his legs, moving sensually to the music as you undo the top button of his shirt. Then step away a little and dance with your back to him.

STEP 5
Still with your back to him, remove your camisole, bra or bodice and cover your breasts with your hands. Turn around again and, with your eyes lowered, caress your breasts and nipples before slipping one hand into your knickers, drawing attention to this area. Most men love watching women touching themselves.

STEP 6
You can either return to your chair and straddle it, or keep dancing in front of him. Watch his reactions to your moves and repeat those he seems to enjoy. This is your show, so have some fun!

STEP 7
With you back to him, teasingly begin to remove your knickers or G-string. Then (be brave now, girl!) lean forward and, with your derrière proudly in the air, slip them off and bring them down to your feet. Step carefully out of them – concentrate, now, you don't want to get all tangled up in your heels.

STEP 8
Walk over to the door, smile cheekily and indicate that you want him to follow you to the bedroom, bathroom, dining room or wherever else you've planned to end the evening.

]]> Tue, 19 May 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/make-him-shiver-with-pleasure
You know the sexy tingles you feel from a cool breeze or a gentle caress? Those sensations can also enhance your lust life. ‘Any unexpected touch hyper stimulates nerves and gives you that quivering feeling,’ says Sandor Gardos, PhD, founder of MyPleasure.com. Try the moves that create crazy-good goose bumps below, and then have your guy return the favour.

TINGLY TOAST
Sip sparkling wine then lick along your man’s lips and neck, lingering on the sensitive slope between his lower lip and chin. ‘The alcohol tingles and then evaporates quickly for a sexy, skin-tensing effect,’ says Carol Queen, PhD, sexologist at Goodvibes.com.

ACTING FRESH
Before oral sex, suck on a mint. You’ll both get chills because menthol triggers the body’s cold receptors. Slowly kiss down your guy’s torso before moving to his member. ‘Menthol’s effects last 20 minutes,’ says Jay Wiseman, author of Tricks to Please a Man (Greenery Press), so you have lots of time for frosty foreplay.

SPICE RUB
For a peppery head-to-toe turn-on, start with cinnamon-flavoured lube that heats up when touched. Massage him everywhere, rubbing some of the liquid in with your breasts instead of your fingers. Before you move on to intercourse, turn on a fan or the air conditioning for some full-body shivers.

THE SPINE TINGLER
As you’re making out, run your fingertips, lips or a feather along your guy’s spine. Hint: Try a zigzag pattern. ‘A straight line only activates nerves along your course,’ says Rebecca Rosenblat, author of Seducing Your Man (Burman Books Inc.). ‘A random part surprises and heightens the entire surrounding area.’

HEAD GAMES
Tease the scalp’s millions of nerves with a head massager. Lightly run it over his head, triggering shuddery waves of bliss. Or if you're already doing the deed, tug your guy’s hair lightly as he climaxes. It floods him with endorphins for an electrified orgasm.

FOREPLAY FREEZE
Make ice from carbonated water, then rub him down with the cubes. The carbonation leaves slushy pockets in the ice, so one minute he'll feel a solid touch from the cube, the next, a snowy clump melting on his skin. Then breathe warm air on the wet parts – heat increases circulation, leaving skin more sensitive.

]]> Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/your-favourate-sex-position
In this year's Online Sex Survey we asked you which was your favourite sex position, but there were way too many to choose just one from. We've narrowed the field down to six 'firm' favourites.

We want you to vote again so we can choose our readers' all-time favourite. Click here to make your choice and we'll publish the results in COSMOPOLITAN magazine.

If you haven't yet tried any one of them, here's how:

GUY ON TOP
HOW IT'S DONE: Have him enter you while you are lying on your back with your legs apart. Once he's inside, bring your legs close together. He can then hook his ankles around your calves and raise himself up slightly on his hands, arching his back a little. By closing your legs, you'll create a more snug entry for him – and more sustained clitoral stimulation for yourself.
WHY YOU'LL LOVE IT: This twist on the regular missionary position stimulates both of your hot buttons. Most importantly, the position lets you move and squeeze more to build arousal, and because your man will be using some of his strongest muscles – his thighs and glutes – he'll endure like the Duracell bunny.

GIRL ON TOP
HOW IT'S DONE: Get him to lie back while you climb on top of him, facing forwards, supporting your weight on your forearms and extending your legs behind you. Move your whole body up and down to massage his penis and press your legs together to increase clitoral stimulation – or spread them wide for deeper penetration.
WHY YOU'LL LOVE IT: This is one of the only woman-on-top positions where you're close enough to kiss and talk throughout, which creates intimacy. Both of you can enjoy full-body, skin-on-skin contact, and sensitive areas such as the breasts are naturally stimulated, while his pubic bone rubs against your clitoris. Stopping the motion for a second to bend down and kiss him can delay his orgasm.

DOGGIE STYLE
HOW IT'S DONE: Lean forwards, with your upper body at a 90-degree angle to your legs. Support yourself by leaning on a surface, while your guy stands behind you. Let him penetrate your and hold on to your hips while he thrusts. Bear down and backwards on his penis to make the penetration – which is already deep – even more intense.
WHY YOU'LL LOVE IT: The front wall of the vagina is supersensitive, which is why rear entry feels great for women. This is by far the best position to stimulate the G-spot – and both you and your man will have easy access to your clitoris.

REVERSE COWGIRL
HOW IT'S DONE: He lies back while you squat over him, facing his feet, and slowly lower yourself onto his erection. Lean on your hands and bounce up and down or, if you want to show off how flexible you are, lean back over his chest so that you are lying cheek to cheek.
WHY YOU'LL LOVE IT: There's not much work here for the guy. When you're sitting up, he's free to stimulate your anus if that's what you like; and if you're lying back, he can reach your clitoris. Because you can't see each other, you're free to let your fantasies run wild.

STANDING
SEXY SITUATION: A deserted boathouse with a rocking jetty and seductively lapping water is the ideal setting for a slap of wall-and-all.
HOT HOW-TO: Throw him against the wall. If there's a height difference between you, the shorter one can stand on something solid. You're about to mark your territory, so lift a leg for easier entry and lean up into him, hands spread-eagled against the wall for leverage. He pulls your pelvis up close, supporting you below the buttocks, and takes you like a sex-starved sailor.

SPOONING
SEXY SITUATION: A romantic position perfect for sundowners on a deserted grassy slope.
HOT HOW-TO: He encircles you with his arms and you both do an ice-skating-duo thing with your legs: lower leg bent forwards, upper leg extended. Let his hands go walkabout, playing with your breasts, and caressing your clitoris and nipples. While he's breathing hot words against the back of your neck and about to orgasm, reach down and stroke the smooth area behind his testicles to give him a real knee-trembler.

]]> Fri, 20 Mar 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/four-sexy-moves-to-skip
TRYING TOO HARD
When you go overboard hinting at how much you love a good 'hot dog' or slurping the 'head' off your beer – wink, wink – it can come off as scripted and forced. Don't try to tease us with forced porn-star talk, saying a sexy thing spontaneously is more of a turn-on.

NOT LETTING THINGS UNFOLD ORGANICALLY
We appreciate your spending a week secretly plotting how to ravage us, but it's a bummer when you can't deviate from a predetermined passion plan. Maybe you bought 300-million thread-count sheets and cooked a romantic four-course meal, but if the pork loin burns and we start kissing on the couch, go with it. It may not be the night you expected, but trust us, as long as we're getting some, we'll think the night is perfect.

USING EXCESS PROPS
We're psyched when you whip out, say, a flavoured condom or a buzzing toy. But break out a sex shop's worth of inventory in one night (especially if we haven't seen most of it before) and all those bells and whistles distract from the big draw: You. Not to mention, they make him wonder if he's even a necessary part of your sexual equation.

GOING TOO PAR IN PUBLIC
For some guys, being super naughty around a group of strangers is like using cute nicknames or watching Oprah – we'd like it better if there weren't a risk of being outed. Women also forget that men can't easily conceal excitement, especially in their pants.

]]> Tue, 03 Mar 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-genius
That may not be a shock. Chances are you've been with a guy who couldn't conceal his clitoral cluelessness. But you might wonder where the puzzlement stems from. Well, you can blame it on everything from tall tales told in locker rooms to ex-girlfriends who faked it to the boggling female body, with its small, sometimes hidden parts.

Even if a guy makes it into the vicinity of this important pleasure zone, he could still miss the mark because he is too nervous to really check you out down there or doesn't get how to stroke you right. Or logistics, such as the room being too dark, prevent it. But if your man's what I call ill-cliterate, don't write him off as a lost cause, there are ways to school him gently in the techniques that cause your toes to curl. Try these:

Fine-Tune His Touch
During foreplay, guide his hand to your clitoris, and show him how to touch you with the rhythm and firmness you like. Men are goal-oriented, so they often figure the faster and harder they work it down there, the more powerful your orgasm will be. Of course, it's not that simple, which is why it's important for you to set the tone.

Try pressing and releasing his fingertip against your clitoris several times, then use his finger to make small circles in either direction to hit all of your nerves. For a twist that will turn you both on, lie facing each other, take his penis, and use the tip of it to demonstrate how you like your clitoris to be touched (you might want to apply a water-based lube first).

Improve His Oral Skills
Many men's oral-sex motto is 'Stay the Course' – they continue the same stroke over and over. While you do need a degree of consistency, after a while, your nerves grow numb to repeated sensation, so he needs to mix things up.

One way to ensure the speed and intensity are varied is to have him place his lips around your clitoris (making, sure to cover his teeth), and alternate between gently sucking it and teasing it with his tongue. As he's doing this, press and grind your pelvis against his mouth to get the pressure you desire.

Manipulate His Main-Event Moves
When it comes to intercourse, it's easy to let clitoral action fall by the wayside, since the majority of positions fail to hit that hot spot. And that lack of contact is the main reason why so many women have trouble reaching orgasm while doing the deed.

To get clitoral stimulation during sex, hop on top and have him stroke your clitoris (the thumb works well here). In the missionary position, grab his butt and guide him to thrust slowly and deeply so your clitoris rubs against his pelvic bone. During doggie-style, he can reach around with one hand and firmly press two fingers on your clitoris for added sensation while he thrusts to help take you over the edge. ]]> Wed, 25 Feb 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-smarter-balls
Smart balls consist of one or two small balls, which can vary in diameter, covered with different materials. The balls also have a string, which allows you to pull them out once inserted into the vagina. Dr Marlene Wasserman, a well-known clinical sexologist, says smart balls are not a new concept. They simply have a new, 'funky' name to describe what may be one of the world's first sex toys ever invented.

'The basic principle is a set of weights inserted into the vagina for the purpose of tightening the vagina, and strengthening the pubococcygeus [or PC] and pelvic floor muscles,' says Wasserman, author of Pillowbook (Oshun). 'It is a wonder toy in that if used consistently it can prevent vaginal and bladder prolapse.

'It really does tighten the muscles so that women feel increased orgasmic intensity, increases vaginal lubrication and men really get to penetrate a tighter vagina, which enhances their sensations. It is also arousing for a woman to walk around with smart balls because it gets her feeling fun and sexy all day.'

Wasserman advises those new to smart balls to try one ball first, by inserting it into your vagina as you would a tampon. 'The idea is to get the muscles to clench around the smart ball.' This makes Kegel exercises (contracting and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles to help strengthen your PC muscles) a little easier.

GET WITH THE PROGRAMME

'Some women may find that one ball slips right out. This means the muscles are weak,' says Wasserman. 'Begin on a programme. Persevere by first lying down and doing Kegel exercises with the smart balls inserted. Then walk around clenching with one ball inside. Once you can walk around a shopping centre with one, then try inserting the other one too.'

Next you can move into the 'maintenance' phase – every morning/evening insert your smart balls while brushing your teeth, applying makeup, washing dishes, etc, and then remove them before going out.

'It really fits quite comfortable, like a tampon. Of course if any pain is experienced you must remove them as soon as possible and go to your gynaecologist for a check up,' Wasserman warns. 'It will not get lost "up there" and never be found because of its string and the earth's gravitational pull.'

DOCTOR'S ORDERS

Wasserman says, when choosing a set of smart balls, they must be covered with non synthetic material to prevent foreign organisms entering the vagina; silicone is most commonly used. They last for a very long time so it's worth making a good, once-off investment.

'Never use a smart ball that has paper or fabric string connecting the two balls', she continues. After numerous insertions, the string becomes grimy and mucky, which is a big no-no for personal hygiene.

Keep your smart balls in a clean container. 'Some up market smart balls such as Lelo Luna Balls come in a beautiful box with a velvet pouch for storage.' Each time, before and after use, wash them with soap and water only.

Wasserman recommends two different types through her online store:
FUN FACTORY SMART BALLS come in a large range of gorgeous colour combinations, while LELO LUNA BALLS are an excellent high-street investment which comes with a separate ball and then a duo.

'Even though they are really funky and a fashion item, they have enormous clinical benefits to women and their partners,' says Wasserman. 'Empowered women use them to maintain their own sexual health and heighten their sexual pleasure.' ]]> Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-he-really-wants-for-christmas
WHAT WE REALLY LIKE DURING ORAL SEX...
Giving a guy a blow job is always good – and shouldn't be saved for special occasions – but seeing as it's the festive season, you might want to try something different.

Begin with some slow kissing and nibbling. (Watch out for the teeth, though.) Then, once you've got things started, get comfy between his legs and start to lick the base of the penis, right down between his testicles. From that angle, you'll see a thick ridge running up what's normally the underside of the penis. Some hard, steady licking up the length of this ridge and between the testicles – will send him squirming without coming too quickly. In fact, because the tip of the penis isn't being stimulated directly, you should be able to keep him on the edge for ages.

WHAT WE REALLY WANT TO SEE...
It's been proven that masturbation doesn't make you go blind. So, if you want to blow his mind, don't talk about it – masturbate in front of him. There aren't many things more intimate than this. It's intensely personal and shows that you trust us implicitly, that's what makes it so hot. Men are simply more visually stimulated than women, that's why pictures of boobs have been making us slack-jawed since we were 12.

If you're feeling shy about jumping straight into it, make it fun by having a masturbation race with your man. The first of you to come gets taken to dinner. Just remember that men can't fake it, so you have to play fair. If you're up for it, pretend your partner's not even there and do exactly what you'd normally do. You don't need to try to be sexy, or make any theatrical moans. Whatever comes naturally will be more than hot enough. And, if you have any toys, bring them out to play, too.

WHAT WE REALLY WANT TO HEAR...
There's a fine line between talking dirty and sounding like the soundtrack to those late-night movies on e-tv. As a general rule, perhaps the best way of describing what it entails starts with you saying what you want. If you want us to take you from behind on the stairs, say: 'Take me from behind on the stairs.' What guy could refuse if you were to say: 'It would be really hot if you went down on me right now' or, 'Take your clothes off and get your butt on the bed'?

But saying something like, 'Ride me hard, cowboy!' will either leave both of you laughing hysterically, or leave him wondering how you spent your Saturday nights before you met him.

WHY WE REALLY LIKE THREESOMES...
Ask any group of guys what their favourite sexual fantasy is and they'll say it's a threesome. Surround-sound boobs, so many bums they're bouncing off the walls, a little light lesbian action thrown in, some major performance anxiety… Huh? Well, here's the thing: While a threesome makes for a great fantasy, not many guys would even know where to start if they ever ended up in a real threesome, particularly if one of the girls involved is a long-term girlfriend. Simple biology dictates that, at some stage in the evening, someone is going to be left out and, as the girlfriend, it definitely shouldn't be you.

If this is something you want to do, say so. When he finally stops running around the house doing war cries, sit him down and talk it through. Would it be better to bring in someone you've just met at a club and will probably never see again? Or should it be someone you both know well enough to enjoy breakfast with the next morning? Either way, your man needs to understand where the boundaries are – who gets to have sex with who, how much attention you're comfortable with him showing the other girl, what you're happy with her doing to him (and to you). Otherwise things can get messy.

WHY WE REALLY LIKE THE BACK DOOR...
The saying 'you always want what you can't have' certainly applies to anal sex, which is one of the more taboo practices to gain recent popularity. It's also something you should never be pressurised into doing, but if you're curious to give it a try, you could have fun. First thing, hit the shower and don't be afraid to scrub. Start off by playing around a little (this isn't going to be fun unless you both relax) then suggest he tries rimming (licking around your anus) and using his fingers. Some women can orgasm from this alone, so don't rush it. If you're concerned about hygiene, ask him to use a dental darn like, a piece of cellophane, or to put a condom over his finger.

If you're keen to move on to anal penetration, remember that the anus doesn't lubricate naturally and even pre-lubricated condoms may not provide enough slide. Invest in a water-based lubricant like KY Jelly, which won't degrade the latex in his condom, and slather it up.

WHY WE WANT YOU GIFTWRAPPED...
Remember that cheesy song 'All I Want For Christmas Is You'? A sweet sentiment, but what we really want is you with a ribbon around your waist and nothing else. Or perhaps a Santa hat and a smile? For 11 months, dressing up in sexy lingerie is hot, but in December, a little Christmas spirit goes a long way. And nothing says festive quite like an outfit made entirely from tinsel.
]]> Wed, 24 Dec 2008 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/burn-baby-burn
You already know that a good, healthy session of sex should leave you sweaty and breathless. Your heart pounds and you need a long drink of water – if you do it right. So how can you be sure you’re doing it right? It’s not as if your personal trainer is going to make a house call (unless he’s the one working you out). According to the experts, the average session burns about 800kJ for every 30 minutes. At that rate, you’re burning as much fat as you would by taking a brisk walk. Surely the sex you’re having should be more exciting than that? Wouldn’t it be more fun to aim to burn as many kilojoules as, oh, a gymnastics class … a tango competition … even a triathlon? Here’s how to raise your performance levels to true elite status – prepare for your gold medal in the shag-o-Iympics!

ORDINARY FOREPLAY = 800 KILOJOULES

EXTRA PLAYFUL = 1 600 KILOJOULES
Change your definition of ‘foreplay’ to something even more aerobic. Flic Everett, author of So You Wanna Be A Sexy Bitch (Ulysses Press), recommends a striptease to get you both charged up. Incorporate work-out moves into your routine: slow squats as he looks at your butt, pelvic thrusts to loosen you up. Once you’re warmed up, you’ll be ready for a more creative approach to the action that follows. No more grunting when you hook your leg over his shoulder. No more losing the moment as you secretly massage a calf cramp.

Even if you’re not a private dancer, another way to incorporate this particular style of foreplay is to play naked hide-and-seek. Running around gets the heart rate up and the elevated sense of excitement will boost your adrenaline level. Declaring that the ‘loser’ gets a severe tickling, or worse, will make the anticipation all the more delectable.

LAID-BACK LOVING = 800 KILOJOULES

STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF = 1 600 KILOJOULES
The most energetic sex positions are the standing-up variety – but these are also the most likely to end in tragedy, or at least a tragic loss of mood. Don’t worry. If you haven’t managed to find a man with legs of steel, you can still reap the benefit – and a pretty exciting high-energy work-out. ‘Try a variation on the Tantric yab-yum position,’ says Suzie Heumann, coauthor of The Everything Great Sex Book (Adams Media Corporation) and founder of www.tantra.com. ‘Get your man to sit on a stool, making sure his knees are bent at right angles. Sit on his lap, facing him, and put your feet on the floor to stand and sit, or just wrap your legs around his back and grind. This position may be even better than standing, because you’ve got more leeway to get direct clitoral contact.’

GIRL ON TOP = 800 KILOJOULES

SIT ’N SPIN = 1 600 KILOJOULES
Squats aren’t only for the gym, you know. Kate Taylor, author of Life’s Too Short For Tantric Sex (Marlowe & Company), names a variety of girl-on-top positions. ‘Rather than kneeling,’ she says, ‘plant your feet flat on the bed, on either side of his hips, and lower yourself onto him. You’ll need to hang on to the headboard – unless you’ve got thigh muscles like Arnie’s.’ Then pull yourself up and down, rotating your hips in circular motions as you do. This position, done slowly, can also make things last longer because you’re in control.

SITTING-DOWN SEX = 800 KILOJOULES

HANGING-OUT SEX = 1 600 KILOJOULES
Another sexpert who multitasks his work-outs and playtime is Tom Kulmacz, founder of www.sexinfo101.com. One of his positions, the imaginatively entitled ‘Position 18’, will either drive your man wild or have him in stitches, depending on how strong your arms are. Have him sit on the floor, leaning back slightly and supporting himself on his arms. Place a chair between his legs and sit on it, draping your calves over his shoulders. Put your hands on the front of the chair, fingers facing forwards and towards him, and slip your bum off the chair; lower yourself onto him, using your triceps. It’s not for the weak of arm – you may need to ask him to support your bum or lift his hips to meet you halfway. But succeed and it’s a triple treat: you’ll get a mid-nooky work-out, impress him with your imagination and distract yourself from any nervousness or pressure – which is sure to allow a surprise orgasm to sneak right up on you.
]]> Tue, 09 Dec 2008 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-up-your-bedroom
PRACTICAL
Get a sturdy headboard with padding. There'll be no loud banging and no bruising, so you can spare yourself those funny looks from the neighbours and your work colleagues.
Invest in an extra length mattress. There's nothing quite as graceless as falling off your bed when you're being tossed by your man.
Keep a bottle of fresh water on your nightstand or near your bed for those extra long sessions. Add ice for the kinky ones.
In winter, install a heater, or keep a portable one nearby. You want to shiver from excitement, not cold.
Make sure safety is an arms' reach away. Don't hide your condoms in your medicine cabinet behind the cotton wipes and ear buds. It'll spare you that naked dash to the bathroom while he ends up cooling down.
A decent sound system drowns out most intimate sounds. Just make sure you take Kenny G off repeat.

PLAYFUL
Sprinkle a few soft, springy cushions for those rough nights of deep impact. Your back will thank you for the extra support.
Overhead lighting is unflattering. Keep your ceiling lights off and instead place chic, free-standing or portable lamps strategically around the room.
Add extra kink with mirrors. They're a great turn on for most guys and can be mounted on your ceiling. But do think carefully before you have them installed – they can't be hidden and are quite expensive.
For the progressive, you can purchase a removable dance pole. You can put it up and take it down in minutes, and you won't be left with awkward questions when your parents drop by unexpectedly.

PRIVACY
Place your smaller sex toys discretely around your room. It's even better if you dedicate a bottom drawer (preferably with a lock) to them so when your house mate is searching for her flat iron she doesn't stumble upon your rabbit vibe.
Decorative drapes can double as bedpost ornamentation and hand-cuffs/ties. It'll be kinkier if they're silk and no one will really know what they're there for.
Invest in quick-shut blinds. They come in handy for sparring yourself the embarrassment and your neighbour the details during those afternoon quickies.
Lock the door. Lock the door. Lock the door. Need we say more?

OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND: THINGS TO PUT ELSEWHERE
Put away your laptop and keep your cellphone on silent, they're distracting.
There's no need for video or digital cameras if you haven't both consented to it.
While dirty talk is a turn on, dirty laundry on display isn't.
It's best to keep all clutter to a minimum in your bedroom. It's noisy, distracting and if things get really playful, can end in cuts and bruises.
]]> Tue, 09 Dec 2008 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/make-condoms-more-fun
'It's as simple as choosing the right rubber, making him feel at ease and keeping the intensity high throughout the act,' says sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD, author of Sex With Your Ex (Adams Media Corporation). When you do all three, 'he won't have the usual anxiety about losing his erection or not being able to climax'.

SHOPPING TIPS
Most people spend seven seconds choosing a condom, according to Trojan. But a last-minute dash to the 24-hour pharmacy can mean less satisfaction in bed.

Size matters. The right fit completely changes how a guy experiences sex with a condom. One that's too tight reduces sensation, takes longer to get on (which can deflate his erection) and is more likely to break. If you can't roll the condom all the way down to the base of his penis, it's not large enough. That said, an oversized one can slip off and the extra material can make your man feel inadequate. Experiment with brands and styles.
Try a condom designed with a swirl or bulb at the end of it – it will say so on the box, usually with a word like 'twist' or 'pleasure' or 'spiral'. These models fit securely around the base of his shaft while creating more friction near the nerve-packed head of his penis.
Consider a polyurethane prophylactic. Unlike latex, they transmit body heat, making intercourse feel more sensual.

LET'S GET IT ON
Rolling one on doesn't have to ruin the mood.

The faster you can slip on a condom, the less likely he is to go limp. Minimize fumbling by opening the wrapper during foreplay. Pull the condom out, and place two drops of lube inside. This increases sensation at the supersensitive head of his penis. Place the opening over the top of his shaft. Hold it there with one hand, lightly squeeze the tip of the condom, and use your other hand to unravel it all the way down to the base of his penis.
For a treat, use your mouth. Dab your lips with lube then lightly suck the (nonspermicidal) disc into your mouth with the nipple end inward. (If you're apprehensive about this, try a flavoured condom.) Carefully wrap your lips over your teeth and put your mouth at the head of his penis. Push your lips against the ring of the condom, slide it down his shaft and unroll the rest with your hand.

PLEASURE-MAXING MOVES
A condom needn't come between you, him and a climax

Squeeze your legs together in missionary or doggie-style to create extra pressure.
Make a V with your pointer and middle fingers then place it between your legs. Press it against the base of his penis as he thrusts. This gives him more stimulation where the condom is tightest.
Buy a vibrating ring. It is a plastic band attached to a buzzing nub. Place the band around the base of the condom, with the nub facing your clitoris and enjoy the pulsating ride.
]]> Mon, 01 Dec 2008 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/10-secrets-of-women-who-orgasm-easliy
1. ORGASMIC WOMEN SEE THEMSELVES AS SEXUAL CREATURES
'Women who orgasm frequently and with ease are women who've claimed the right to be sexual in a culture that still regards female sexuality as taboo,' says Wasserman. For those who've grown up in an environment where sex isn't talked about and strong, sexual, female role models are lacking, learning to assert one's sexuality takes practice.
HOW TO GET THERE Although Big Brother contestants Mandy and Ilse-Mari's marathon sex conversation in the Virtual Vault might have made you cringe, they were doing something we should all be doing: talking honestly and openly about sex. Find someone you feel comfortable talking to – an open-minded friend or counsellor – and start by asking questions. Read about empowered women who've overcome sexual problems and find out what makes them sexually assertive. Sexual abuse can block your ability to orgasm and, while loving relationships can help heal emotional scars, therapy is advisable. Illness can also impair your sexual functioning, so see your doctor if you suspect it's a factor.

2. THEY'RE COMFY WITH THEIR BODIES
Orgasmic women aren't all Baywatch body doubles, but they have an acceptance of their bodies and an innate sense of their own sexiness. 'Successfully orgasmic women are in touch with their bodies and confident with their sexuality,' says Wasserman. An issue with an aspect of your body, such as cellulite, can prevent you from having orgasms.
HOW TO GET THERE Boost your body confidence by keeping yourself fit, healthy and groomed, but learn to accept and make the most of what you can't change. Get regular reality checks at public swimming pools or beaches, where real people's bodies are on show. Learn to feel comfortable with your own nudity, spending quiet times lying naked on your bed or in the bath.

3. THEY UNDERSTAND HOW THEIR BODIES WORK
Do you know exactly where your clitoris is and what it does during sex? Bet you didn't know this: it swells and becomes erect not only when you're aroused but every 90 minutes while you're asleep. To experience your body fully, you need to educate yourself on its inner workings.
HOW TO GET THERE Discover what creates an orgasm by reading guides such as Dr Miriam Stoppard's Woman's Body: A Manual for Life (Dorling Kindersley) or The Sex Book (Cassell Illustrated), by visiting health and sex websites, or watching educational videos. Next, explore your body with the help of a mirror.

4. THEY KNOW WHAT TURNS THEM ON
Through experience and experimentation, orgasmic women have learnt what pushes their 'O' buttons, whether it's having their necks nibbled by a man wearing Emporio Armani Diamonds for Men, or the intimacy of the good old missionary position.
HOW TO GET THERE 'Masturbation is the best way to learn how to achieve orgasm,' says women's health expert Dr Miriam Stoppard. First, ensure you're in an atmosphere of privacy, relaxation and fun. Stimulate yourself, moving from head to toe, before focusing on your erogenous hot spots. Try various techniques, such as stroking yourself with underwear, pushing a pillow between your legs or using a vibrator. Venture down new avenues, from erotic literature and raunchy videos to women's groups in which you'll be encouraged to unleash your va-va-voom. For most women, psychological cues are crucial to satisfying sex, so don't only focus on the physical. See sex as a holistic experience, not merely a matter of foreplay followed by penetration. Practise awakening your senses with your partner by massaging each other without genital contact, and test-drive new positions to discover which ones rev your motor.

5. THEIR SEXUALITY IS NOT DEFINED BY MEN
The orgasmic woman's sexuality isn't dependent on someone else. It comes from her.
HOW TO GET THERE Create a unique erotic relationship with yourself. Set time aside for 'sex for one' – and make an effort to keep it interesting. If that means investing in a stock of fluorescent, studded vibrators or sexy lingerie, do it.

6. THEY ARE PICKY ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PARTNERS
A good sexual partner is patient and considerate and doesn't pressurise you to orgasm to prove his own virility. Pressure, Wasserman warns, inhibits your ability to orgasm. You need to have the freedom to discuss possible reasons why you're blocking an orgasm with your partner. If you aren't able to do this in a relationship, it's likely that other, non-sexual obstacles to intimacy will crop up later.
HOW TO GET THERE Stick with men who can offer you honesty and intimacy. Don't waste your time on the rest.

7. THEY TELL MEN WHAT THEY WANT
Orgasmic women tell men what to do to get them to orgasm. Therefore, the ability to communicate with a man and teach him how to touch you is a life skill you can't do without. Sex and the City's Kim Cattrall confessed in Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm (Warner Books) that she suffered unsatisfying sex for two decades. Although she experienced some pleasure during intercourse, she never reached orgasm. She threw herself instead into her work and family, and bitched about the lack of decent men – until she met her husband, Mark, in 1998 and learnt about communication and honesty.
HOW TO GET THERE Learn to be an active rather than a passive partner. Say, 'I love it when you… It really turns me on.' (Men respond brilliantly to praise.) And gently guide his hand if he's getting it wrong. Start being more assertive in other areas in your life – tell people what you want and let them know if they overstep boundaries.

8. THEY DON'T FAKE IT
Orgasmic women don't put pressure on themselves to orgasm. Sometimes a warm and fuzzy, sensual experience without a spectacular climax satisfies them. If so, they don't feel the need to fake it.
HOW TO GET THERE Remind yourself that every faked orgasm is a wasted opportunity to teach your man what you want. You may think you're boosting his ego or sparing him guilt, but dishonesty is insulting and far less rewarding in the long term for you both.

9. THEY FANTASISE
Whether you're on a solo sexual exploration or with a partner, a rich fantasy life will keep your arousal levels high. Orgasmic women take responsibility for keeping their sex lives fresh by constantly creating new fantasies.
HOW TO GET THERE Cultivate a few shamelessly erotic scenes to play like movies in your head. They're fictional, so make them as far-fetched as you like.

10. THEY ARE NOT AFRAID TO LEAVE A SEXUALLY UNSATISFYING RELATIONSHIP
Super-orgasmic women don't stick around with men who can't (or won't) give them what they need sexually. It's simply too important to them.
HOW TO GET THERE Start valuing your own sexuality and you'll realise it isn't something you should readily compromise.
]]> Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-e-spot
Three ways to tell whether he’s hit the G-spot or the E-spot:

1. G-spot: he asks you what turns you on.
E-spot: No need to ask – he’s doing it with everything he says and does.

2. G-spot: After a one-night stand, you’re happy but you are ready to move on.
E-spot: You stay till morning, talking and hoping for repeat performances.

3. G-spot: You SMS or e-mail all your girlfriends to tell them about the night.
E-spot: You’re speechless!
]]> Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-sex-he-secretly-craves
GET HIM GOING
In his fantasy world, he wants you to attack him out of nowhere. But if you literally attack him out of nowhere, he’ll scream and cover his man bits with both hands. Call your man up and tell him you’re going to take him whenever and where ever you please. The notion alone will get him going, but if you sense any hesitancy, stick to basic girl on top.

AMBUSH HIM
Now you can put the plan in motion by pouncing when he least expects it. If you grab him and give him deep kisses and even oral sex as soon as he walks through the door, he’ll feel like you’re passion prey. Plus, it shows that you’re adventurous and enthusiastic about sex with him.

MAKE DEMANDS
Playfully order him to get on the bed and stay still while you do what you want with his body. Or lie back and feed erotic instructions to him, telling him where you want to be touched and how. He loves feeling like he’s there solely for your pleasure, and when you dictate what he has to do, it alleviates any pressure to figure out what gets you off.

TIE HIM DOWN
Once he knows you mean business, you can bring light bondage into the mix - handcuffs not required. Simply pin his wrists above his head with your hands. He’ll love it.
]]> Mon, 30 Jun 2008 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-hottest-ways-to-touch-him-there
TEMPERATURE HE LIKES

* Rub warming lube between your palms to generate heat. Wrap your hands around his shaft, one hand stacked on top of the other, and gently twist in opposite directions.
* Place two cubes of chilled, flavoured jelly in your mouth before giving him oral for a buoyant sensation that thrills.
* Before oral action, spritz mint anaesthetic throat spray into your mouth. The menthol will give him cool tingles; the anaesthetic will briefly numb his skin so you can increase pressure.
* Bring an ice pop to bed and alternate sucking it and his member.
* Caress his penis and testicles with a damp, warm (not hot) washcloth. Heat will soothe him and amp up blood flow to the area, intensifying sensation.

PRESSURE HE DESIRES

* Lightly bind your thong around the base of his member. This restricts circulation so his penis becomes engorged and sensitised. Draw tiny circles around the tip using your finger. Men love pressure at the base, along with scintillating stimulation.
* Lick your lips and plant them on the middle of his member. Suck in like a vacuum and slide your mouth up and down while maintaining suction.
* Rub the shaft`s base (where it meets the scrotum) in a circular motion.
* The frenulum (the thin band of skin connecting the guys head and shaft) is one of the most sensitive parts of a guy`s body. Hold it between your thumb and your forefinger and gently pulse.

TEXTURES HE LUSTS FOR

* Slip on smooth leather, cashmere, or angora gloves. Glide your hand over his shaft, tip and family jewels.
* Loosely wrap his tie around his member as though you were applying a bandage, and leave the head exposed so you can lick and suck it. Once he`s really hot, slooowly unwrap the tie and give him full on oral action.
* While he`s in his underwear, run a vibrator over his shaft.
* Alternate using the top and underside of your tongue during oral.
]]> Thu, 12 Jun 2008 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/turn-on-your-sexual-satnav YOUR BODY

ROUTE 1
UP THE JUNCTION
Time to destination: 20 minutes
This is a slow and scenic route to ‘Oooh!’. Lie naked on your back, naked, in a warm candlelit space. Ask him to coat his hands in a two-in-one massage lotion/lubricant (try Durex Play 2-in-1 Gel) and rub them together until they’re warm. He should then place them between your navel and pubic bone for around 20 seconds, allowing the heat to seep through to your sexual chakra (or energy point). Warming this chakra will help ignite your desire. Get him to repeat this three times and then ask him to massage along the lines of your hip.
Moving up a gear, he should then glide his hands in one slow, long, sweeping stroke from your hips up to your nipples. When his hands reach your breasts, he should part his fingers so each of your nipples nestles between two of them. He should then close his fingers, clasping your nipples, and pull his hands away from your body, gently tugging them as he goes. Get him to repeat this 10 times, alternating the tugging with light fingertip circling of each breast.
Let him refuel his palms with lube before he reverses them down your body and parks them either side of your labia, gently pulling them apart to expose your clitoris. He should then roll his thumbs around each other, letting the pads alternately stroke your clitoris. Let him know the speed limit you prefer and set him at cruise control until you reach destination climax.

ROUTE 2
THE DUSTY ROAD
Time to destination: 15 minutes
You must be blindfolded for the duration of this thrill ride so you can focus on touch, taste and smell. Sit on the edge of a chair with your legs parted and tie your hair back so he has equal access to your neck, mouth and clitoris. He can then alternate between the following three directions:
1. Get him to use a clean makeup brush to dust your neck with icing sugar, or a specially made lust dust, such as Kama Sutra Honey Dust (made from 100% pure honey but in a fine powder form, in strawberry and champagne flavour). He can then lick the dust off.
2. Sprinkle a little dust over your lips and let him trace the head of his penis around your mouth: the nerve endings packed beneath the thin skin of your lips allow extra stimulation and you’ll experience the contrast of sweet taste with his manly scent.
3. Ask him to choose a moment when you’ll least expect it to repeat the above move with his tongue instead of the tip of his penis, while he simultaneously penetrates you.

ROUTE 3
THE FOOTPATH
Time to destination: 25 minutes
Recline in a chair and let him coat your toes in a lickable lotion like Lick It Vanille. First, he should use firm thumb strokes from heel to toe to get this sensitive stretch of skin used to being touched (without tickling you). Then he can replace his thumbs with his tongue, using wide, flat licks in the same direction until he reaches your toes. Once there, he should drive his tongue between each toe – a manoeuvre designed to send sex signals straight to your hot spot. After five repetitions on each foot, ask him to use his palms to spread the lotion up your calves and into the crooks of your knees. With your knees slightly bent he can lick behind your knee, teasingly mimicking what he’s about to do somewhere else. Let him continue for as long as you can bear and then steer his tongue to your genitals.

HIS BODY

ROUTE 1
SLOW DRIVE SOUTH
Time to destination: 25 minutes
Wet conditions are essential for this ride. Run a bath, add your favourite oils for extra slipperiness and ask your man to park himself between your legs with his back to you. Rev up his engine by massaging his scalp with conditioner for 15 minutes, alternating between slow, firm fingertip strokes and light scratching with your nails.
While doing this, turn your attention to his biggest erogenous zone – his mind. Whisper a sexual fantasy into his ear, making sure your breath blows onto his lobe (another major arousal spot on the male map). Keep your voice low and describe how you would perform a striptease for him, including how it makes you feel: ‘Before I even begin to slip my bra strap off my shoulder, I can feel my nipples are erect and ready for you…’
Next, with your hands still lubricated with conditioner, drive your fingertips down to his chest and gently roll and pull his nipples between your fingers and thumbs as you continue your erotic tale.
Finally, keep one hand working a nipple, while the other takes the fast lane south to his penis. Ask him to clasp his fist over yours and work your lathered hand up and down his shaft until he reaches a climax in time with that of your story.

ROUTE 2
ROUTE 69
Time to destination: 15 minutes
Before this mystery tour begins, you need to stop off for some sticky refreshments: honey, chocolate sauce or cream. Let your man dip a finger in any of them and use it to mark three ‘picnic’ spots on both your bodies that he wishes to suck or have sucked.
Lick his finger clean by taking long, deep sucks all the way to the base of his finger, maintaining eye contact. The fingertips are full of nerve endings and highly sensitive to touch; plus, the intent in your eyes will make him anticipate similar sensations from you going down on him later. Then allow him to suck all the marked area(s) on your body and vice versa – except for any between-the-legs ones.
Once you’re done, lie him on his back and, facing his feet, straddle his face. Then lean forward and take his penis in your mouth. Support your body with one hand and grip him with the other. Form a seal between your fist and lips so he feels nothing but the deepest penetration – then hold on for a super-fast orgasm.

ROUTE 3
THE ROUNDABOUT
Time to destination: 20 minutes
Ask your man to lie on his front, legs apart, with his penis pointing downwards between his legs. Coat his buttocks in massage oil, using strong circular thumb strokes to massage the muscles. After five minutes, travel outwards, increasing the circumference of each stroke so your thumbs glide between his buttocks, from the base of his spine to his perineum. This will send sensual vibrations to his prostate gland, labelled the male G-spot for its ability to arouse.
After another five minutes, take a trip to his testicles, and with gentle pressure, roll each one individually between your fingers and thumbs. Then lightly tickle the skin before turning him onto his back to give his penis room to become erect while you repeat the testicle caress.
When he’s fully erect, straddle him, facing his feet, so you can continue to massage his balls and perineum as you slide up and down his shaft. When you feel his hips driving up, release his balls and increase your speed until his orgasm is complete.

WHERE TO GET YOUR GOODIES
Durex: 0861 797 797
Whet Sensuality Emporium: 021 461 0975
]]> Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/house-warming-party THE STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN HUMP

NOTE: A great way to get him up

How it’s done: Kneel on the stairs with your elbows and lower arms resting on a step above you. Spread your legs slightly and raise your bum. Your man kneels on the step below you and enters you from behind. With his hands on your hips, he then thrusts. This position allows easy access to your G-spot – so prepare to be taken all the way to the top.

Difficulty: Your knees may take a beating, especially if you have hard wood or tile flooring. If your staircase is carpeted, it’ll feel softer but you’ll run the risk of serious carpet burn. It’s probably best to place pillows under your knees.

THE CLOSET QUICKIE

NOTE: If you’re horny and have house guests

How it’s done: Politely excuse yourself from company by saying something about checking dinner, grab your man and quickly make your way to the closest closet. Be aware of the time you have (or, rather, don’t). Both get undressed as quickly as possible. You then stand with your back against the wall and wrap one leg around his waist. Facing you, he bends his legs slightly and enters you. Then, placing his hands under your bum cheeks, he lifts you up so that both your legs are around his waist.

Difficulty: The biggest challenge is keeping quiet so that you are not caught out – so concentrate on heavy breathing rather than shouting out lustily. Your man will also need a fair amount of strength to hold your weight. Once done, remember to check that your clothing is in place, your face is not too flushed and your hair doesn’t look too ruffled before going back to your guests.

THE KITCHEN COUNTER CLINCH

NOTE: When you’ve got an incredible hunger

How it’s done: Sit on the kitchen counter facing your man with your hands leaning behind you. Standing between your legs, your man places his hands on the counter and enters you. Not sure what to do with your dangling legs? For a super-sexy variation, place your feet on his shoulders. While your man is thrusting, rock your body forward and back for deeper penetration and more momentum.

Difficulty: If the counter is too high, get him to stand on a footstool, some stacked phone directories, or any other handy household goodies that will give him height.

THE DINING ROOM CHAIR CHASER

NOTE: You can be excused for having no table manners

How it’s done: Stand on the seat of a chair, facing the backrest, with your feet firmly on either side of the seat. Hold onto the back of the chair, bend your legs and push your bum backwards. Your man stands behind you, with his hands either on your hips or around your waist, and enters you from behind. He should move slowly in and out so that the chair does not rock and topple over.

Difficulty: You will definitely need strong leg muscles for this one because you are squatting the entire time. If this becomes too much trouble, and you are struggling to climax, get your man to sit on the chair and then straddle him.

THE COFFEE TABLE TRYST

NOTE: Serve yourself as a spread for afternoon tea

How it’s done: You’re going to need a long, narrow coffee table for this one. Lie flat on it with your legs spread and rest your feet on the floor on either side of the table. Your man then lies on top of you, holds onto the edge above your head and pulls himself into you. You can use the balls of your feet to speed up momentum and assist with the thrusting.

Difficulty: Before you start, make sure to clear the coffee table of books, candles, vases, remotes or anything else that might cause discomfort (or danger) during your romp. You are limited to space here, so there should be no rolling over and cuddling once you’re done – your man could fall off the table and get hurt.

THE SHOWER SHAG

NOTE: The best way to come clean

How it’s done: First off, make sure that the shower water is the perfect temperature – not too hot or cold – and that the spray is not pointing directly in your face. There’s nothing sexy about the drowned-rat look. Stand facing the shower wall, with your legs slightly spread. Raise your hands above your head and place them against the wall, then lift your one leg and rest your foot in the soap dish. Your man holds onto your waist and enters you from behind.

Difficulty: You will definitely need to be limber to pull this position off. If your soap dish is too high, turn around and wrap your one leg around his waist. Remember: showers are highly slippery so be careful that neither of you lose your footing.
]]> Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-goddess-in-a-mess ALCOHOL/DRUGS
Too much alcohol is a depressant and drugs make you want sex but they numb physical sensation – which stops you from enjoying it.
SEX FIX
Limit your alcohol intake to one or two glasses and avoid drugs completely. Hone your sexual skills (COSMO sex tips are a great starting point) and enjoy mind-blowing sex – minus the chemicals.

STRESS
Lifestyle factors such as career pressure and relationship issues may be turning your sex life from sizzle to fizzle.
SEX FIX
Relationship problems can be a prime cause of stress. Identify what is lacking in your love life and talk it over with your man to get it back on track. Nutrition, exercise and drinking loads of water will also help alleviate stress and boost your libido.

THE SCALE
Your body image affects your sexuality. Extra kilos may kill you libido and being too thin plunges your body into survival mode, leaving you with little energy and no desire for sex.
SEX FIX
Being sexy is not about how much you weigh! Eat a balanced diet and exercise regularly. Not only will you be in shape but you’ll also ooze sensuality.
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