Cosmopolitan.com http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za Cosmopolitan.com http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za/images/cosmo_logo_toolbox.gif Money en-us catherined at cosmopolitan dot co dot za Copyright 2009 Oral Sex: How It REALLY Went Down http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/oral-sex-how-it-really-went-down
RELATED: GIFs That Perfectly Describe The First Time You Had Sex


1. Getting yourself AMPED for the night ahead






2. The pre-games


 



3. The Opening Ceremony


 



4. The Closing Ceremony


 

SOURCE

 
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Mon, 21 Jul 2014 12:00 +0200
GIFs That Perfectly Describe The First Time You Had Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/gifs-that-perfectly-describe-the-first-time-you-had-sex Disney Princess!), the rest of us had to deal with situations like this:

RELATED: 4 Times Sex Ruined Your Life


You want to make sure you’re safe


So you start googling things

Thanks Google! 


Now you’re terrified




But finally the moment arrives, and you’re in bed/car/utility closet with him... 



You attempt to seduce your man while pretending to know what you're doing... 



And finally you're ready to go!



After a couple of false starts




You get into the rhythm of things…



Oh, it’s over? ... 



Read more articles in Sex Stories 
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Mon, 21 Jul 2014 12:00 +0200
4 Times Sex Ruined Your Life http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/4-times-sex-ruined-your-life controlling a situation - sexually. The control and that undeniable yearning in your man’s eyes is enough to make your confidence skyrocket.

But sometimes (and we hope not often) sex can be like attending a funeral –there’s a chance that it might end badly, but at least you came, right? What seemed like a good idea at the time, especially after a heavy night of Tequila shots and Jaguar bombs, having sex with the wrong person can actually be your funeral (metaphorically of course). Don’t believe us? Here are 4 times sex probably ruined your life (temporarily).

1. You Jumped Into Bed With Your Ex

And when we say, “jumped” we mean you did the dance with no pants. We shall reserve judgement because, well, we’ve all been guilty of this. Unfortunately, by hopping into bed with your ex again, all that time you took to get over him was all for nothing. Sex with an ex is never a good idea no matter how tempting it might seem. Walk. Away. Slowly!


 

2. Your Mom Walked In On You
And obviously told your dad. There’s nothing more embarrassing than enjoying a passionate tryst with your man and then suddenly locking eyes with your mom mid-moan. Yeah, things at the dinner table just got a whole lot awkward …


3. The Condom Broke
There’s nothing that ruins a session of intense passion and satisfaction than realising that that latex rubber thing just snapped. The only thing more terrifying than watching your life flash before your eyes? Having that awkward conversation with the pharmacist and watching their eyes glaze over with judgement … so much judgement.


RELATED: Make Him Condom-Crazy

4. When It Started To Burn
Well as long as you got something good out of the deal right? But seriously, you know what you’re going to have to deal with now right? Yep; more awkward stares, questions and having to read “how to avoid contracting an STD”. Thanks Doc


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Fri, 18 Jul 2014 12:00 +0200
Sex: Stuff nobody talks about http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-stuff-nobody-talks-about
Q. Sometimes when my boyfriend and I are having sex my vagina makes embarrassing farting noises. Is this normal? What can I do to make it stop?


A. Does it help that this completely natural little by-product of sex is known as ‘queefing’? I mean, that’s cute, right? This occurs when air gets trapped inside the vagina, then forced back out. The sound you’re hearing is the air inside the vagina being expelled, which can happen during sex or even during physical activities like yoga or Pilates. Basically, the tighter you are or the bigger he is, the more it happens and the louder it is. So one could really see it as a good sign! Monitor the sexual positions in which it happens more frequently. You could slso ask him not to withdraw too far between strokes, as this is what lets the air in, then forced it out. Thirdly, if you can, please laugh about it. Laughter is the most reparative, sexy gift to come out of this.


Q: My boyfriend is a horrible kisser, and we've only been dating for six months. How do I tell him that he can't kiss? I don't want to break his ego, but when we having sex, I don't get wet because all I can think about is the horrible kissing... and we end up fighting. How do I resolve this kissing issue?

A: Ouch, this is delicate, but there are ways to lead him with and to your loving lips. Firstly, do not come straight out with it, he will lose confidence even more than he already has. Be patient and tactful, instead of telling him, show him. Invite him to play a little game, in which he must surrender to you completely. Show him your dominant side in a sexy, playful way. Kiss him the ways you want to be kissed, and make sounds of enjoyment and appreciation when he gets it right. A little positive praise goes a long way and you may be very pleasurable surprised by the changes you see in him. Good luck!

Q. Is it normal for your v-jay to get swollen when you have sex? I stayed a while without sex and only had sex in December last year and that's when it got swollen! Since then I haven't had sex and I'm a bit worried.

A. Absolutely normal; your vaginal area, including your labia, swells magnificently when you’re aroused (due to the increased blood flow), and sometimes stays that way for a while. It is nothing to worry about, in most cases, but you may have had an allergic or sensitive reaction either to latex condoms (try non latex ones) or your partner’s deodorant soap. Also, you may not be lubricating properly, which can cause irritation: try some different types of lube and see if that helps. Whatever you do, keep calm and carry on investigating… you are worth it!

Q: My boyfriend is very much less experienced than I am. I want to introduce sex toys and other things into the relationship but I am worried that this will shock him or make him think less of me. How can I bring this up? Would some toys be better than other as an introduction?


A. While he may react negatively, it is so worth the gamble. The thing is, you are the one who has to take the reins and the risk. Many men would be thrilled that their partners want to stimulate fun, loving sexuality. Keep calm and start small: leave your latest COSMO open at a pertinent and sexy story; drop a hint verbally or through text; or visit www.honeyhoney.co.za for stylish couples' toys that could act as easy introductions into a new world of sensuality. He will probably be deeply happy and grateful and if he rejects you for that, I have just one word: next! Some adventurous, loving man out there is going to be so glad when you come his way. Or when he comes, your way.



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Mon, 14 Jul 2014 12:00 +0200
The Straight Man Strikes Again http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-straight-man-strikes-again





What is happening in the world? Just when we thought guys couldn’t get any more desperate for a hook-up, Tumblr proved us wrong. Straight White Boys Texting is a hilarious (and kinda disturbing) Tumblr that is proving what we’ve known all along: men want sex, they want it now, and they have no shame in asking for it. (‘Ask’ might not be the right word – ‘expect’ is more accurate.)

Women are fighting back on this awesome platform that you have to see to believe.

RELATED: 6 Absolute Rules of Hooking Up




Source: Tumblr






Source: Tumblr

See what we mean? Somebody needs to educate these boys in the art of sexting. And it only gets weirder the further we delve…



Source: Tumblr

RELATED: A Guide to Great Sexting

Well, that escalated quickly. Also, who is the girl in his profile picture? We have to wonder whether she'd be very happy about what's going on here.



Source: Tumblr

Clearly this dude has a death wish. Do people like this exist? And finally, here’s a girl who knows exactly what these boys need:



Source: Tumblr

Girls, this behaviour just won't cut it. Here's hoping that men are working on better ways to get our attention, because at this rate, nobody will be hooking up with anybody.

Ever.


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Thu, 26 Jun 2014 12:00 +0200
6 Ways To Turn Your Man Into A Sex Champ http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/6-ways-to-turn-your-man-into-a-sex-champ 1. USE VERBAL AND NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

Show him what you like, take charge. Take his hand and show him where you like to be touched, let your body lead him to where you want it to be.

 sex animated GIF

2. COMPLIMENT HIM

Give credit to where its due. Tell him you like it when he gets it right. This will give him an ego boast and encourage him to do exactly what you love.

 sex animated GIF


3. DON’T FAKE IT

No one wins when you fake it. If you fake it once, you’ll do it again and again


RELATED: Put A Spring Into Your Sex Life

 

4. TELL HIM WHAT YOU LIKE

This could be very awkward if you bring up the topic randomly, it's best if you tell your man when you’re in the moment.

 

5. GIVE BACK

Remember it's not only about you, so ask him what he wants. Show him how to follow the instructions that he gives you so that he can also take from you.


RELATED: 50 Shades Of SeX Tips: Part 1 

6. BE INNOVATIVE

If anything, that’s the remedy for good sex. Try out new things with him and see how they’ll work for you.

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Tue, 24 Jun 2014 12:00 +0200
10 Sex-Toy Safety Tips http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/10-sex-toy-safety-tips
Porous, spongy toys can harbour dangerous bacteria. Use them with condoms, if at all. Choose toys with a smooth, impenetrable surface so you can properly sterilise them between use.

Check the material composition before you buy. Avoid toys with Phthalates (“thal-ates”) as they can cause itching, burning, rash and tissue damage. Mostly, these contain PVC, vinyl, and jelly rubber. Don't be embarrassed to examine any potential toy purchase at close range. 'New car smell' is a dead give-away of phthalates.

Stick to trusted manufacturers – do a Google search before you shop. Medical grade silicone, stainless steel, and borosilicate (or “Pyrex”) glass can all be trusted. Yes, they're more expensive, but for good reason. Especially, avoid toys marked as 'for novelty use'. They're generally the ones in the most garish packaging.

Never go for any lube, condoms or toy cleaners containing “Nonoxynol-9” (N-9). This “detergent” has been proved to remove skin, cause cervical abrasions and strip away rectal lining, laying you open to HIV infection.

Related: Condomonium!
Related: Make Condoms More Fun

Check your lube: anything containing benzocaine is dangerous as such numbing agents can lead to serious injury and infections.

Related: Turn Him Into The Orgasm Whisperer

For safest use, wash all toys in unscented antibacterial soap after every session and condomise, condomise, condomise.

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Read more Blogs 



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Fri, 16 May 2014 12:00 +0200
Secret Sex Code Words http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/secret-sex-code-words
Related: Talking Dirty to Him

Cupcake = sex
Usage: 'Can't wait for a cupcake when I get home.'

Laundry = strip-tease
Usage: 'I've neglected the laundry; I'll be doing it tonight.'

Bills = blow-job
Usage: 'Gonna tackle those bills once and for all.'

Related: 20 Naughty Sex Questions (Part One)

Chocolate = receiving oral
Usage: 'Thinking of a chocolate fest is getting me through the day.'

Bubble bath = foreplay
Usage: 'Looking forward to a very long bubble bath.'

Related: Mix it Up

Set the PVR = will use your body for my pleasure
Usage: 'Must set the PVR as soon as I'm home.'

The dog = erotic massage
Usage: 'High time the dog got a really long walk.'

A facial = a quickie
Usage: 'Wondering if I can squeeze in a facial over my lunch hour.'

Overtime = long sex session
Usage: 'Got to catch up on my workload; it's overtime all night for me.'

Read more Sex Stories
Read more Sex Positions 
Read more Love and Relationships

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Fri, 16 May 2014 12:00 +0200
How To Discover His P-spot http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/how-to-discover-his-p-spot
Get your man to lie on his back with his bum resting on a cushion for easier access, while you kneel between his legs. This will allow you to stimulate his penis too.

Step 1
Cover your fingers with a generous dose of gooey lubricant and begin gently massaging the area around his anus with the pads of your fingers.

Step 2
Carefully slip either your middle or index finger inside his anus. Do this very slowly, millimeter by millimeter. Don’t worry if his sphincter muscles contract - they will release again in 30 seconds

Step 3
Press your finger towards the front of his body and make a slow beckoning motion. Don’t let your nail make contact with the surface. It’s the softness of your finger pad that’s needed here.

Step 4
Rub your finger over the gland. Ask him what feels good - he might prefer gentle tapping. When he’s nearing orgasm, his muscles will contract around your finger.

Step 5
Post-orgasm, slowly withdraw the same way you entered - bit by bit. This will give his muscles time to relax once more.



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Fri, 02 May 2014 12:00 +0200
Talking Dirty to Him http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/talking-dirty-to-him
Lesson one
Get over yourself
When it comes to enjoying spicy conversation, many women are hesitant to give it a bash owing to the misconception that dirty talk is, well, dirty. Speaking a little more pornographic doesn’t make you cheap or a slut. Talking dirty is a natural expression of what’s turning you on and what you’d like your lover to be doing. Once you’ve become used to saying things such as, ‘hey sexy, I wanna tear your clothes off’, something such as ‘I’m wet, I can’t wait for you to ride me’ is more likely to roll off the tongue

Lesson two
Mild or wild
Everyone has their own idea as to what ‘talking dirty’ is all about and - much like sex positions - what works for one guy doesn’t necessarily work for another. Some people get turned on by something as simple as well-timed moan or groan, while other love nothing more than to paint the walls blue with the nastiest, most pornographic lingo you can think of. The only way you’re going to find out what works for both of you is to try it all and see what gets the best results.

Lesson three
Learn your lines
There are three ways to start a dirty conversation. Firstly, describe what you’re feeling: ‘I love how your cock feels inside me.’ Your other two options are just as straightforward - simply tell him what you want or ask him what he’d like to do next.



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Fri, 02 May 2014 12:00 +0200
Bizarre Sex Tips http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/bizarre-sex-tips
Which is why it’s so important to think before you just go ahead and apply any old sex tip willy-nilly. You need to do a mental dry-run. If you don’t visualise how the new move is likely to play out, you’ll never pick up some really obvious red flags.

I don’t know which is worse: bad-sex-tip-induced comedy or bad-sex-tip-induced tragedy. Actually, I do. A lover’s uncontrollable laughter when your new trick turns out to be as sexy as a scrawny donkey on crack isn’t nearly as bad as the sudden and excruciating genital pain that tells you unambiguously: that sex innovation you tried was a terrifically daft idea.

Like these…
Have your guy put a breath-freshening strip on his tongue before he goes down on you.
On no account should you do this. Pop one on your tongue to see why: the hugely burning sensation comes as a huge and unpleasant surprise. It’s hard to imagine how some bloke introducing your lady bits to this feeling could lead to anything other than disaster.

Detach the nozzle of your vacuum cleaner and have him use the hose against your clit for mind-blowing orgasm
And, like, really, really long and blown out beef curtains.

Botox your vagina
If you’re happy never again to be able to tell you forgot to put knickers on. And whether it’s in or out? Forget it.

Put ice in your mouth and give him a blowjob. Run ice up and down his penis.
I’d just like to remind you there’s a very good reason why the beachboy machos are far happier to plunge into the sea at Muizenberg than at Clifton… and it has to do with the male ego.

Get him to slip an iced lolly inside you.
Don’t. Just. Don’t. At least, not without a condom on it. (Hint: itch.)

Grab his penis like you’re milking a cow
Yes, I know this sounds hilarious and you might be tempted to give it a go just to see the startled expression on his face and those adorably bugged-out eyes…. Oh okay. But just the once!

Jiggle his balls around back and forth like you’re shaking dice in a cup.
This one is not without its merits. Just don’t use it unless you’re quite sure you never want to see him again.



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Tue, 29 Apr 2014 12:00 +0200
The Disturbing New Trend That Will Make You Question Our Generation http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-disturbing-new-trend-that-will-make-you-question-our-generation


The trend seems to be most popular among teens (anyone else happy social media wasn’t a thing when they were still ruled by their hormones?) and people in their early twenties.

Basically it is exactly what it sounds like. Couples taking selfies right after they’ve done the deed, as well as many fingers (ew), hands, shower heads, dildos and dogs (yes dogs).




Why? Well we really don’t know, but it is a little worrying that our culture's need for validation has reached the point where even getting laid is no longer enough. Whatever the motivation, we hope it doesn’t last too long.



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Thu, 03 Apr 2014 12:00 +0200
8 UNBELIEVABLE Sex World Records http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/8-unbelievable-sex-world-records Prepare to be FLABBERGASTED!


1. The world’s largest penis (when erect):
34,2-centimetres long – that’s longer than a RULER!!




2. The biggest public orgy:
500 people going at it at the same time in Japan… Talk about public displays of affection #OMG




3. The longest-distance ejaculation:
six metres – eeuw!!!




4. Longest kiss:
46 hours and 20 minutes – and they weren’t even allowed a toilet break... 

 


5. The rorqual whale’s penis is THREE-METRES LONG – yikes!




6. The male scaly cricket (Ornebius aperta) from Australia can mate more than 50 times in three to four hours, all with the same female.




7. Female chimpanzees have been recorded to copulate with EIGHT different males in 15 minutes!



8. A lioness on heat can have sex every half an hour for five days/nights (we’re sure the males don’t mind this at all)…

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Tue, 25 Mar 2014 12:00 +0200
Yummy Food to Put You in the Mood for HOT Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/yummy-food-to-put-you-in-the-mood-for-hot-sex Get frisky with these yummy treats!


1. Chocolate
Yes! Another (bloody fantastic) reason to eat chocolate! The Aztecs were the first to make a correlation between the cocoa bean and an enhanced sexual drive (we don’t know how but we love them for it). Chocolate contains the chemical phenylethylamine, which is said to be released when people fall in love. So get munching!



2. Chillies … ‘It’s getting hot in here’
Spice things up in the bedroom, too. Chillies release endorphins and boost your energy levels. Even better – nibble on a bar of dark chocolate infused with chilli – YUM!



3. Red wine
Okay, wine isn’t a food but we had to include it. Just one glass puts you in a relaxed mood and gets your blood flowing (down below, too). 


It’s one of nature’s STRONGEST aphrodisiacs… Cheers to that!



4. Vanilla
The Aztecs (they obviously spent a lot of time studying the effects of food on sexual desire) believed that the scent of vanilla has an euphoric effect on the brain and increases lust – need we say more?



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Thu, 20 Mar 2014 12:00 +0200
Touch Him in These 5 Spots to Turn Him On http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/touch-him-in-these-spots-to-turn-him-on- Frisky foreplay tips to get him in the mood for some lovin'


1. His perineum
This is the patch of skin between his bum and balls. It’s packed with nerve endings, and stimulating this area (gently pressing with your index finger or knuckle) will drive him WILD.



2. His feet (ONLY if he's just showered)
As part of your foreplay session, tickle and massage his feet (and maybe, if you’re into this, you can lick his toes). Reflexologists say that certain pressure points in your feet can spark sexual arousal…



3. His ears
Tickle, lick, kiss and gently pull on his ears, and he’ll be aching for more.



4. His nipples

Nibble and suck on his nipples as you slowly move your way down to his nether regions.



5. His head
Give him a sensual head massage while you whisper all the naughty things you’re going to do to him…




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Thu, 20 Mar 2014 12:00 +0200
13 HILARIOUS Old-School Sex Terms that We Love http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/13-hilarious-old-school-sex-terms-that-we-love- These classic euphemisms for sex will have you rolling on the floor laughing




1. Strumpet – in many of Shakespeare’s plays he referred to promiscuous ladies as ‘strumpets’. In today’s world you’d maybe say, ‘I can’t believe he hooked up with that strumpet last night!’

2. Blow the grounsils – having sex on the floor (1800s)

3. Green gown – having sex on the grass (1800s)

4. Melting moments – two rather large people engaging in sexual acts (1800s)

5. Sheba – a woman with sex appeal . We like! (1940s)

6. Hot cockles – this can mean both 'sex' and 'fingering' (1800s)

7. Jelly roll vagina (1800s)

8. Lobster kettle. A woman who slept with soldiers coming in at port was said to 'make a lobster kettle' of herself. Eeuuw...(1800s)

9. Pom pom – having sex (1900s)

10. Shaking of the sheets – getting down and dirty (1500s)

11. Poontanggood sex (1920s)

12. Swiving – sexually indulgent (1300s)

13. Pully hauly – today you'd say, 'Babe, I'm really in the mood for some pully hauly.'


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Mon, 17 Mar 2014 12:00 +0200
10 Super-Hot Songs to Put You in the Mood for SEX http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/10-super-hot-songs-to-put-you-in-the-mood-for-sex- Listening to these sexy tunes with your man is guaranteed to lead to some steamy sexy time...



1. XO – Beyoncé



2. Talk DirtyJason Derulo featuring 2 Çhainz




3. Gorilla – Bruno Mars



4. Hold On, We’re Going Home – Drake featuring Majid Jordan



 
5. You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
 



6. Dark Horse – Katy Perry featuring Juicy J


 
7. All Of Me – John Legend



8. Drunk In Love – Beyoncé and Jay Z



9. Rock Your Body – Justin Timberlake
 


10. Let’s Get it On – Marvin Gaye  (Yes, it’s old-school but we couldn’t leave it out – it’s a classic get-in-the-mood-for-sex song!)
 



 
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Mon, 17 Mar 2014 12:00 +0200
9 Sentences That Always Lead to Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/9-sentences-that-always-lead-to-sex


































1. Do you want to come in for coffee?
Who even drinks coffee at 2am?


2. It's easier if we share a cab home...
Easier for both of our pants, maybe. 



3. My shoulders are really tight... would you rub them?
A massage would help. You being topless would help more.



4. You can sleep over but we're just cuddling, okay?

We both know what spooning leads to.



5. Let's stay in and watch a DVD.

Or maybe just the opening credits.



6. I'll get in the shower with you to save water...

Or time. Or something. Oh hey, will you soap me up?



7. Just going over to my ex's place won't hurt.

It won't hurt at all. It will be very, very nice. 



8. Via Whatsapp: Wanna come over?

Or 'What are you up to?' or any other text after 10pm. 



9. Wanna cuddle for 5 more minutes before we get up?

Well at least if you miss the gym, you still got a workout. 




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Fri, 28 Feb 2014 12:00 +0200
8 Things MEN Should NEVER Do During Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/8-things-men-should-never-do-during-sex Men behaving badly in bed...

1. If he has an orgasm first and quite happily stops straight afterwards (knowing full well that you haven’t climaxed yet) – haven't we all been there... It’s unbelievably selfish and lazy, and there is NO excuse for it. 



2. He tries to slip it in the rear end (without asking you first).



3. He gives you a wedgie. This is NOT funny, erotic or a turn on in any way, it’s bloody painful and it will most likely make you very angry…



4. Pushing your head down towards his nether regions. If you want to give him a blow job, you will. Patience, men, patience.




5. We’re all for dirty talk in the bedroom but when it starts getting freaky and too dirty, it just squelches your mojo (or you end up in hysterics, squelching his mojo).



6. If he rushes through it like a crazed speed-driller and constantly asks, ‘Have you cum yet?’ 



7. He handles your nipples like radio knobs. You've probably experienced this before and (hopefully) won't again – maybe it's best to warn a new guy in advance to avoid tears.



8. If he asks for a threesome … with a blow-up doll…



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Thu, 13 Mar 2014 12:00 +0200
What His Treadmill Style Says about His Nookie Style http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-his-treadmill-style-says-about-his-nookie-style Wondering what that hottie on the treadmill next to you is like between the sheets? We have the (completely unscientific) answer!



TREADMILL STYLE
Interval training
NOOKIE STYLE Girl, interrupted
He believes in the power of HIIT – which is great when it comes to fitness but not so much for after-hours action. Chances are he has zero rhythm (and a mild case of ADD to boot), so it’s quite possible that, just as he hits the pace you really enjoy, he’ll change speed, switch positions and OMG is that a squished mosquito on the wall behind your head??


TREADMILL STYLE The stretcher
NOOKIE STYLE Zzzz…
A guy who takes time to warm up and cool down properly will also take the time to warm you up properly. Perhaps a little too much time. We love foreplay, really; but even we admit that 35 straight minutes of it might be slight overkill. And also, we’re sleepy now … but he wants to cuddle. And chat. For ages. Gah.

TREADMILL STYLE Straight-up runner
NOOKIE STYLE Wham bam, thank you ma’am
He gets on, he gets on with it, he gets off. This guy doesn’t believe in warming up, in the gym or in bed, so be prepared for hard, fast, sweaty sex with no foreplay or post-coital cuddles whatsoever. On the upside, he has perfect rhythm, crafted by countless Two Oceans runs. He might not be too concerned about whether that rhythm is doing it for you, though…

TREADMILL STYLE Hill profile
NOOKIE STYLE Slow and steady hits the peak
We hope you have a lot of time on your hands because this guy is in it for the long haul. He’s methodical and dedicated but he also likes to tease – he’ll bring you riiiiight to the brink before hauling you all the way back down that hill and starting again. It’s a good deal if you can find it – and if you can spare a weekend for some seriously sexy action. Our tip: shop for high-protein snacks and energy drinks beforehand; you’ll need them.


TREADMILL STYLE Backwards walker
NOOKIE STYLE Let’s hope you never find out!
No matter how cute he is, you’ll do well to steer way clear of the guy who does everything backwards. Because, let’s face it, if he can’t use the gym equipment the way it was intended, there’s no guarantee he knows how to use his own equipment either. You have been warned.


DISCLAIMER: No scientists were involved in conducting this research.


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Wed, 12 Mar 2014 12:00 +0200
Quickie No-No's – Where NOT to Have Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/quickie-no-nos--where-not-to-have-sex Take our advice – it's best to avoid these awkward scenarios at all costs...

1. On a rocking chair. While you’re in the ‘throes’ of passion, you rock too far back and end up doing a summersault, landing on the spike of your heel (ouch). 



2. In a canoe. Just imagine getting stuck in one, naked, and asking a passer-by to help you out…



3. In your parents’ bedroom (during your grandmother’s birthday). Actually, doing it in your parents’ bed full stop is just weird (the same bed where your parents do it = EEEUW). 



4. Sex on a piano – unless you want the whole world to hear you…



5. In a portable loo. You don’t know what has been done in there just before you, and just think of all the germs floating around. And … imagine it toppled over (with the toilet contents spilling all over you). No, no, no!



6. On a glass table or against a window (this is just stupid).






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Tue, 11 Mar 2014 12:00 +0200
Sex is THE Best Hangover Cure http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-is-the-best-hangover-cure What better way to get over last night’s debauchery than with a quick hump session?

So one glass of vino turned into two bottles (oh, and three shots of tequila) and you wake up hanging like a wizard’s sleeve.


Yes, there are the usual go-to remedies such as trying to sleep it off or pigging out on greasy food ...


... but sex is guilt-free AND studies have shown that an orgasm can cure a headache (at least temporarily). Plus, getting it on releases oxytocin (the happy hormone) to uplift your mood.

Sex writer Lisa Sussman suggests trying this position: Get your guy to lie on his back. Facing his feet, straddle his hips on your knees and lower yourself onto his penis. Slowly extend your legs backwards towards his shoulders and relax your torso onto the bed or ground between his feet. Both sets of legs should now form an ‘X’ shape. Move your bum up and down or back and forth to maintain his erection (also the optimum position for you to have an orgasm).


A fun, orgasmic, calorie-burning 'sexercise' session that helps relieve your loser-complex hangover – yes please!




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Mon, 10 Mar 2014 12:00 +0200
8 of the WORST Things You Could Possibly Do During Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/8-of-the-worst-things-you-could-possibly-do-during-sex Believe it or not but these things have really happened but hey, we all mistakes...


1. Ask, ‘Is it in yet?’ His ego will be crushed.




2. Scream out another guy’s name – oh no you didn’t!
 



3. Fart while he’s going down on you (EEEUW).




4. Laugh or giggle when you see his penis – NEVER, EVER do this. 




5. Don’t bite his penis while you’re giving him a blow job.




6. Answer your phone and start having a conversation, while he’s still on top of you. Seriously? 




7. Whip out your large paddle brush (or any hard object) and start whacking his butt without warning. Yes, some guys are into S&M, but ALWAYS check with him first.




8. Start crying and say, ‘That was beautiful’ (the first time you sleep with him).






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Fri, 07 Mar 2014 12:00 +0200
Watch these SUPERHOT movies to get you in the mood for steamy sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/watch-these-superhot-movies-to-get-you-in-the-mood-for-steamy-sex If you're planning to stay in with your man (or for your own pleasure), rent out one of these classics and turn up the heat...


1.
9 ½ Weeks
Be prepared for intensely erotic sex scenes between Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke (don’t worry – this was before he got addicted to plastic surgery and became completely unrecognisable). The infamous ‘food scene’ is our favourite part…



2. 40 Days And 40 Nights
This particular scene had us all fantasising about Josh Hartnett sensually tickling us with a flower…
 
3. Thelma And Louise
Brad Pitt played the sexy, shy, southern cowboy, JD. In an interview last year Susan Sarandon (who starred with him in the film) said, ‘Brad Pitt, even when he was young was quite gorgeous. Even at that point you could see he was going be something special.’ This was the perfect breakout role for Brad, showing off both his acting talent and THIS body:
 

4. Eyes Wide Shut
This was director Stanley Kubrick’s brainchild and was a far cry from his previous films, such as The Shining and Spartacus. What ensues is a journey of sexual awakening – the sexually charged masked orgy/ritual scene is too intense to describe in words – rather watch it for yourself…
 

5. Boogie Nights
Mark Wahlberg plays porn star Dirk Diggler and we’re treated to many scenes of Mark’s deliciously delectable six pack. Unfortunately the other guys in the movie aren’t really ‘porn star’ material (sorry, John C Reilly).
 
 


6. Basic Instinct
This erotic thriller stars Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas, and focuses on their graphic, intense sexual relationship … pure, carnal pleasure.
 
 
 

7. And ... THIS scene from Troy… 



 
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Thu, 27 Feb 2014 12:00 +0200
8 Crazy Celeb Sex Quotes http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/8-crazy-celeb-sex-quotes- Ever wondered what stars’ thoughts are on doing the deed? It’s cool to be loud and proud but some of these celebs should have kept their intimate sex confessions to themselves…


1. Russell Brand

‘When you’re a monk, you’re not allowed to have sex with anyone… When you’re married, it’s one person. That’s one more than a monk. It’s not that different. I’d be having sex thinking, "Think of anyone, anyone else."' 

And we would be thinking of ANYONE ELSE if we had to deal with this:



2. Joan Rivers
‘I’m a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we’re making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.’

Maybe this is why…




3. Rihanna
‘My guy has to be hot and hung, but sweet will do!’ We’re glad you’ve got your priorities straight, RiRi.



4. Snooki
‘Whiskey sex is the best. It's when a guy can have sex for like five hours because he's so drunk. Or his penis is so drunk.’ Well, it must've worked because she has a baby now! Crazy, crazy girl.



5. Justin Bieber 
[In January 2012] ‘I don't want to start singing about things like sex, drugs, and swearing. I'm into love, and maybe I'll get more into making love when I'm older. But I want to be someone who is respected by everybody.' Hmmm … really? These lyrics from his hit song Heartbreaker have us thinking he’s definitely changed his tune: ‘Oh girl I got a secret place that we can go/ 'Cause I really wanna be alone/ Baby nobody else gotta know/ Just meet me later on the low.’



6. Megan Fox
‘I have the libido of a 15-year-old boy. My sex drive is so high. I’d rather have sex with Brian [her husband] all the time than leave the house. He doesn’t mind.’ We don't think any (straight) guy on the planet would mind.



7. Eva Longoria
‘The best sex I ever had was with my vibrator.’ How very, very sad.




8. Eva Mendes
‘I’ve had sex in all 50 states.’ Lucky girl!


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Mon, 24 Feb 2014 12:00 +0200
Superfun Summertime Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/superfun-summertime-sex Summer is the perfect time to try out a kinky sex game – in the water.

In sex psychotherapist Anne Hooper’s book, Great Sex Games, she lets you in on some naughty tips to ‘put the sizzle back into sex’.


On-the-beach foreplay fun
• Play hide and seek – find a secluded spot and wait to be found…
• Draw erotic pictures in the sand.
• Get him to mould your breasts in the sand.

In the shower
• Slowly cover each other’s entire body in liquid soap and give each other an erotic massage.
• See if you can masturbate each other to orgasm using only the jets of water from the showerhead.
• Do it doggie-style – he’ll LOVE the view.

In the bath
• The Jug Game: Sit facing each other. Now fill a jug with bath water and tell your partner to close his eyes. Pour the water onto him from a height, starting around his shoulders and then directing the stream onto his penis. Then let him do the same to you.
• Add a fizz to your bath water with an effervescent bath bomb. These are fragrant balls of sodium bicarbonate that literally explode in the water.




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Tue, 18 Feb 2014 12:00 +0200
Think of His Testicles As Your Nipples http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/think-of-his-testicles-as-your-nipples
Rub the flat sides of your fingernails (not the edges!) against his scrotum. Nails are harder, smoother, and cooler than your fingertips, so it feels different.

Take one testicle at a time in your mouth, and suck. It is unlike any sensation you could create using your hands and gets him even hornier.

When you are on top and feel like he’s on the verge of climaxing, reach behind and gently pull his balls down away from his body. Stretching them exposes more nerve endings, making his orgasm more intense.



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Mon, 03 Feb 2014 12:00 +0200
How GIRLS Has Changed Sex for Good http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/how-girls-has-changed-sex-for-good Girls is the antidote to hard-core porn’s objectification of women.

What I love about art is that it often sorts things out. It’s been around as long as humans because it’s how we figure things out. Those finger paintings on cave ceilings aren’t a waste of time – that’s where humanity started working out its own existence. Art is where – in a surreal, urgent, joyous neural jumble – we dream of better things.

And so to hard-core pornography. Not the absolutely revolting stuff – children and crying and insanity. Just the absolutely average, unkind fucking that makes up most straight porn. In 2013 the downside of the Internet is that the digital generation will almost certainly gain a great deal of their sex education from being passed a cellphone on which the sex is something that happens to a woman, rather than being one of the all-time great collaborative acts.

And so will all their future lovers. Now that porn is here, I suspect it will never go away. Every successive generation now lives in a world where hard-core is standard. Consequently, unable to bear the idea of young girls going out into the world and having their bodies used greedily and ungenerously like props, I was planning on locking them all in towers. Until, that is, I rewatched HBO’s comedy-drama Girls.

In the US Girls is controversial, mainly because the writer/director/star Lena Dunham is a 26-year-old woman carrying excess weight who spends a good whack of most of the shows naked, having grimy sex with her on-off boyfriend Adam. They have anal sex, which she doesn’t enjoy. Adam tries to get some incest fantasy going, which Dunham’s character ruins by making it too realistic. There’s slapping and odd positions and lines of dialogue clearly lifted, word for word, from YouPorn. The sex is human, awfully visceral, post-porn and gaspingly funny.

The complaints about sex like this on television have been vociferous. The DJ Howard Stern summed up the feelings of Middle America when he said, ‘It’s a little fat girl who keeps taking her clothes off and ... I don’t want to see that.’

But Girls, it suddenly strikes me, is art once again just sorting something out. Pretty much to the day Dunham’s generation – the first raised on Internet porn – came of age, it made a show like Girls: showing what it’s like when your head is full of porn and so is the head of every lover you meet.

The repeated trope in Girls is Dunham and her lovers trying to
have sex like porn stars but having sex like confused human beings instead: falling off beds, experiencing pain, shouting out the wrong thing
or giggling. If in porn the female face you see over and over is close up, sideways, blank-eyed, being pushed into a bed, the one you see in Girls is Dunham’s – clever, silly, young – in the same position but being funny instead.

Girls makes explicit pornography lose its power. If watching explicit porn takes away sexual innocence, watching Girls takes away the innocence of watching explicit porn. Whenever this generation watches porn, it will be hard to fully swoon under its blank-faced opium rapture, because they’ve got cool, controversial, Emmy-winning Girls on their side, laughing its ass off instead. Oh, art! You have emerged, caped, from the phone booth yet again.


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Wed, 15 Jan 2014 12:00 +0200
Your Awkard Sex Questions Answered http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/your-awkard-sex-questions-answered
 Dorothy Black dishes on sex FOMO and suggests positions for heavy petting


I’m 28; I’ve been married for seven years and have a two- year-old son. I’m attractive and fun but I don’t desire sex and I’ve never had an orgasm. Hubby and I aren’t really into sex – we’re always tired, and it’s not fun for me because it hurts, even if I use lube. I feel as though I’m missing out.

Libido is affected by a combination of factors, including life experiences, self-image, physical health and hormonal balance. If I’d never had an orgasm, was always tired and found that penetration hurt me, I’d also not be that interested in sex. So before we look at putting the cherry on the cake with an orgasm, we need to look at baking a good cake. First, go to your gynae to find out why sex is hurting you. This needs to be addressed ASAP. Second, go for a full health check to sort out why you’re so tired all the time. Visit an endocrinologist to check your hormone levels, particularly your testosterone. Third, do an overhaul on any medications you’re taking. The Pill and antidepressants are known libido killers. Consider alternative contraception for the former and visit your shrink for a rejig of your meds for the latter.

If, once you’ve covered all these bases, you find your sex drive is still MIA, you can start looking at therapy to help you address any underlying psychological issues that might be killing your libido. Mostly, stop beating yourself up with FOMO. Your body and mind are unique; be patient and gentle with yourself.

I enjoy having sex but I’ve never been on top because I’m overweight. I’m scared that I’ll crush my man and that I won’t be able to thrust when he’s inside me. What other positions could we try?

Unless your man is a stick insect, you’re not going to crush him if you’re on top. You can support your weight with your legs and he can raise his knees to support your back. You can even pop a pillow under his butt to give his erection an effortless ‘lift’. Try this on the couch in a sitting position so your legs and arms can support you more strongly. Whatever your weight, pillows are a great sex accessory – use one to prop up his or your hips for deeper penetration and easier access. Other great positions that are comfy for bodies carrying extra weight include the rear-entry doggy style (try this lying down with a pillow between your legs and him almost lying close against your back) and Sims’ position (where you lie on your side and pull your top leg up towards your head while he kneels with your straight leg between his). There is almost no sexual position that is out of bounds to you, so just experiment to find out what works for both of you. Sex is fun: use props when needed, and don’t forget to keep talking and laughing.

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Tue, 07 Jan 2014 12:00 +0200
8 Kinds of Sex You Need To Be Having http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/-8-kinds-of-sex-you-need-to-be-having
The hottest couples don’t just have great sex, they have make-up sex, can’t-walk-the-next-day sex and more….

You and your guy may have good sex. Hopefully you have fantastic sex, as often as possible. But there’s more to a solid sex life than just straight up great sex.

1. Pushing-the-Boundaries-Sex
People in long-term relationships crave excitement but don’t know how to get it with their partner. Try a new position, a new room of the house or throw a sex toy into the mix. Pushing boundaries helps build trust between you, as taking a risk is a bonding activity.

2. Maintenance Sex
Sex won’t be an eye-gazing spiritual encounter every time. You don’t have to wait for everything to feel perfect and for both of you to be in a sexual mood. Just-for-the-sake-of-it sex is vital to a long term relationship because sex is the one activity a couple has that excludes other people and keeps your bond unique.

3. Embarrassing-Moment-Sex
It’s bound to happen eventually: one of you emits and awkward grunt or your sweat-soaked skin slaps together in a cringe-inducing way. As mortifying as such a moment may be – it’s a good reminder that sex is a raw, Discovery Channel kind of act. It’s not supposed to be flawless.

4. Holiday Sex

On holiday, you’re at your most carefree, which means you can try things you won’t have to be accountable for at home. In other words, you can have sex on the beach, in the car, or flirt madly in a restaurant ending in a naughty bathroom quickie. Ideally, you can bring that burst of excitement home with you.

5. Slow-Road-to-Sleep Sex
Most of us know by now that it’s the journey that really matters in life, and in sex that means not every sexual experience should be focused on getting to orgasm. Some nights you start out on the journey and you’d like to keep going but sleep sounds pretty good too …and that’s when things peter out. This is a bonding experience and very loving.

6. Make-up Sex

It’s been said that you shouldn’t go to bed angry. And sometimes you can take that to a different extreme, ensuring that after a fight you go to bed happy – very, very happy. Make-up sex works because after a fight you’re raw, exposed and vulnerable – perfect conditions for an intense, soul-to-soul physical session. In many ways, make-up sex restores the level of closeness you feel may have been fractured in the argument.

7. Comfort Sex
If you’re feeling sad, depressed, or hurt, or are grieving, sex can be that perfect antidote. Why? Because it’s the opposite of all those things. It’s about being warm, close, loving and together. And because sometimes talking about your troubles or sadness isn’t what you want, sometimes sex is. This thriving, healing act can help people who feel torn apart from each other during a difficult period.

8. Hang-From-the-Chandelier Sex
No matter how long you’ve been together., you need to have earthshaking, wild, so-good-it-makes-you-dizzy sex once in a while. It can stimulate the feelings you had for each other in the beginning of the relationship. It’s also important on a deeper level - it requires a lot of intimacy to let your partner see you in the throes of sexual abandon.







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Wed, 08 Jan 2014 12:00 +0200
Good Sex Gone Bad http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/good-sex-gone-bad
BURNING DESIRE

‘My man and I had been getting a little frisky on the couch and decided we’d simply roll off to do it doggy style on the carpet – hard, nasty and fast before my flatmates walked in. It was so exciting at the time, but I regretted it in the morning when I discovered huge, weeping carpet burns all over my knees and shins. I couldn’t wear a skirt for a week!’
Linda*, 26, reporter


DOGGY STYLE
‘I know it’s a big cliché but id always wanted to have sex on the beach. So, while on holiday in Cape St Francis, I woke my boyfriend at the crack of dawn and dragged him off to the dunes… Imagine our horror, mid-action, when suddenly three Labradors started sniffing our bits while an embarrassed old couple struggled to pull them off us!’
Tamsin*, 25, accountant

FLAMES OF PASSION
‘An ex once tried to “create a mood” by lighting loads of candles at the foot of his bed. Thing is, we weren.t really used to that kind of stuff… next thing the end of the duvet had caught on fire! Thankfully we managed to stomp it out but I still have a burn mark on my thigh. However, I’ll always see it as a reminder of a “flamin’-hot” sex session!’
Kandis*, 27, marketing manager

*NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED

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Tue, 07 Jan 2014 12:00 +0200
8 Kinds of Sex You Need To Be Having http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/8-kinds-of-sex-you-need-to-be-having
Pushing-the-boundaries-sex
People in long-term relationships crave excitement but don’t know how to get it with their partner. Try a new position, a new room of the house or throw a sex toy into the mix. Pushing boundaries helps build trust between you, as taking a risk is a bonding activity.

Maintenance sex
Sex won’t be an eye-gazing spiritual encounter every time. You don’t have to wait for everything to feel perfect and for both of you to be in a sexual mood. Just-for-the-sake-of-it sex is vital to a long term relationship because sex is the one activity a couple has that excludes other people and keeps your bond unique.

Embarrassing-moment-sex
It’s bound to happen eventually: one of you emits and awkward grunt or your sweat-soaked skin slaps together in a cringe-inducing way. As mortifying as such a moment may be – it’s a good reminder that sex is a raw, Discovery Channel kind of act. It’s not supposed to be flawless.

Holiday sex
On holiday, you’re at your most carefree, which means you can try things you won’t have to be accountable for at home. In other words, you can have sex on the beach, in the car, or flirt madly in a restaurant ending in a naughty bathroom quickie. Ideally, you can bring that burst of excitement home with you.

Slow-road-to-sleep sex
Most of us know by now that it’s the journey that really matters in life, and in sex that means not every sexual experience should be focused on getting to orgasm. Some nights you start out on the journey and you’d like to keep going but sleep sounds pretty good too …and that’s when things peter out. This is a bonding experience and very loving.

Make-up sex
It’s been said that you shouldn’t go to bed angry. And sometimes you can take that to a different extreme, ensuring that after a fight you go to bed happy – very, very happy. Make-up sex works because after a fight you’re raw, exposed and vulnerable – perfect conditions for an intense, soul-to-soul physical session. In many ways, make-up sex restores the level of closeness you feel may have been fractured in the argument.

Comfort sex
If you’re feeling sad, depressed, or hurt, or are grieving, sex can be that perfect antidote. Why? Because it’s the opposite of all those things. It’s about being warm, close, loving and together. And because sometimes talking about your troubles or sadness isn’t what you want, sometimes sex is. This thriving, healing act can help people who feel torn apart from each other during a difficult period.

Hang-from-the-chandelier sex
No matter how long you’ve been together., you need to have earthshaking, wild, so-good-it-makes-you-dizzy sex once in a while. It can stimulate the feelings you had for each other in the beginning of the relationship. It’s also important on a deeper level - it requires a lot of intimacy to let your partner see you in the throes of sexual abandon. ]]>
Wed, 08 Jan 2014 12:00 +0200
4 Things You Need to Try with No Strings Attached! http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/4-things-you-need-to-try-with-no-strings-attached
Hire an explicit movie
Since you are never going to see this guy again (hopefully), ask him to re-enact your favourite scenes. If you are in a relationship, you would not want ot remember this if it goes horribly.

Live out your naughtiest fantasies
Usually in a relationship, you will never admit to your secret fantasy in case your guy thinks you are a little crazy. So when your booty call gets to your place, tie yourself to your bed or cover yourself in syrup. Whatever you want!

Ask for oral sex
Demand it actually. Why should guys have all the fun?

Don’t be polite.
Be straightforward and say what you want. There’s no time for awkward fumblings.


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Mon, 06 Jan 2014 12:00 +0200
6 Absolute Rules of Hooking Up http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/6-absolute-rules-of-hooking-up One night stands can be fun but you also need to ensure you are safe. Here’s what to do if you plan on having a one night stand.

1. Tell at least one friend where you are going and text her when you get home.

2. Realise that there will be no cuddling #aintnobodygotimefodat

3. Deal with your potential guilt beforehand

4. Make sure you at least have some sort of connection with the person you are hooking up with. The worst thing you can do is hook up with someone that you don’t find attractive.

5. Make sure that you bring a condom but ensure that he has one too.

6. Have the conversation about the next morning the night before.


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Sat, 04 Jan 2014 12:00 +0200
The Rules of Cyber Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-rules-of-cyber-sex cyber sex is all about!


-Make sure you are both relaxed and at a safe place when you decide to make your little cyber date. The office is never a good idea! Trust us.

-Prepare yourself before hand. Try and think what turns him on and work with it. Stuttering and losing your train of thought is not sexy.

-Set the mood. Switch off your TV and dim the lights (not so dark that he can’t see you). Light a few candles maybe. Play some background music. Whatever floats your boat.

-Make sure you have an appropriate background. Your grandma’s couch is not going to be a pleasant sight. Also, put on a little make up and show him that you are trying your best.

-Build up the excitement. Send him naughty little texts throughout the day, describing what you have planned. Just don’t give it all away.

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Sun, 29 Dec 2013 12:00 +0200
When to Stop Tantalising http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/when-to-stop-tantalising- Warning… you’ve teased him too much if.

• His fingers and toes have been curling for so long, he’s got carpal tunnel syndrome.

• He asks to take five so he can carbo-load.

• You’ve grabbed his butt so often, it looks as though he has a tattoo in the shape of your hand.

• His idea of dirty talk is ‘Oh, baby, stop. Please. Just. Stop.’

• There’s been so much skin-on-skin contact, your girls and his boys are chafing.

• He starts role-playing as a police officer and says, ‘Lady, put your hands up and step away from my penis…’

For more information on sex click here.

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Sun, 29 Dec 2013 12:00 +0200
5 Sex Questions Men Want Answered http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/-5-sex-questions-men-want-answered We asked men what they wanted to know about sex but were too shy to ask.

We asked men what they wanted to know about sex but were too shy to ask. Sex psychotherapist Rachel Morris, erotic website founder Emily Dubberly, and Psychosexual therapist Janice Hiller provide some answers.

1. What do women really want in a lover?
Initially a woman wants someone who makes her feel attractive, through attention and compliments. But later a woman’s sexual needs change to reflect how she feels about the whole relationship.

Tip for her: Tell him what you enjoy during sex, or use body language such as arching your back, that will encourage him to do more of the same.

Tip for him
: Let her know that her sexual pleasure matters to you. Run her a bath or give her a massage and ask her what she would love you to do in the bedroom tonight.

2. Why do women fake orgasms?
The biggest reason is to end sex without hurting his pride, but there are many other reasons as well. Women often worry about a man’s sexual needs before their own. Sometimes stress, depression or excessive alcohol can inhibit a woman’s orgasm by affecting the levels of dopamine in her brain.

Tip for her: Making time for sex is vital. See it as a leisure activity and savour it.

Tip for him:
Build trust by focusing on her sensual needs. Slowly touching and stoking her body will help her feel comfortable enough to tell you what feels good.

3. Can a woman enjoy sex without climaxing?

In short, yes. Women’s brains connect the feelings of being loved and adored to the sensual act of being touched. During sex, men reach a ‘pleasure peak’ where ejaculation is inevitable. A woman, on the other hand, can reach what is called an ‘excitement plateau’ – a high level of pleasure that feels wonderful – whether she has an orgasm or not.

Tip for her: Start slowly – show him how to give you clitoral orgasm. During foreplay, take his hand and guide it over your body, letting him feel how fast and with how much pressure he should touch you.

Tip for him: Spending 20 minutes or more on foreplay will increase the chances of orgasm. Try discovering her less obvious erogenous zones by letting your fingers and tongue really explore her body. Kiss and stroke every centimetre of your partner to see what she likes most.

4. My girlfriend owns a vibrator. Is it better than the real thing?
For most women, sex is all about being as physically close to the man she loves as she possibly can. She finds penetration very sensual. By contrast, the orgasm she gets from a vibrator is short, sharp and intense.

Tip for her: If you see your time with your vibrator as something private, explain to him that it gives you the same release as he gets when he masturbates alone.

Tip for him:
If you are curious, suggest that you include her vibrator in your love-making. But remind yourself of these wise words “If vibrators could cook, cuddle, compliments women on their hair and take out the rubbish, maybe men would have a problem!”

5. Do women like sex during their period?

Every woman feels differently about sex at this time. For some, the blood is a turn-off. For others, their hormone levels can make them feel very turned on.

Tip for her: If your libido rises during your period, thin about where you can seduce him – a shower before work could be fun.

Tip for him: If she says no, don’t take it personally. Some women feel self conscious about blood or may just not feel in the mood.




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Fri, 27 Dec 2013 12:00 +0200
Power Shower http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/power-shower If you want to have sex in a bath tub or pool, we have some aqua inspired tips that will get you really wet.

If you’ve got a bath with a shower-hose attachment, here’s how to make the most of it. Fill the tub with warm water and hop in. Once you’re comfortable in a kneeling position, ask your man to climb in and enter you from behind. As he thrusts, use one hand to hold on to the side of the tub and the other to position the shower head over your clitoris. You’ll find this to be a real water-based double whammy – you’ll get your G-spot tapped from behind as well as lots of clitoral stimulation up front. And if you want to discover a whole new world of bath-time bliss, ask your man to use one of his hands to soap up your breasts at the same time.

TOP TIP
If you’ve ever tried to have sex in a pool, you’ll know that it’s not as easy as it may look. Being surrounded by all that water washes away your natural lubrication, making it harder, not easier, to get it on. That’s why your best friend for any type of poolside action is a good silicone-based lubricant. Apply liberally before you take the plunge.

For more information on sex click here.



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Tue, 24 Dec 2013 12:00 +0200
10 Classic Life Lessons When it Comes to Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/10-classic-life-lesson-when-it-comes-to-sex sex.

1) Your fantasies (no matter how strange) do not make you weird!

2) You don’t have to be in love to have good sex

3) You CAN tell a man what to do in bed.

4) Not all woman like endless foreplay. Even few like it every time.

5) Sex is not something you have to be grateful for…even if he is crazy hot.

6) In bed, he does not notice your muffin top or cellulite. Trust us, he is interested in something else.

7) Sex is not something to be ashamed of…unless you have slept with your best friend’s boyfriend. Eeek!

8) Enthusiasm is the greatest turn on for men (they will never admit it though).

9) Try something different once in a while. It will be worth it.

10) There is some good erotica out there that is not exploitive to woman. Give it a try.


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Sat, 21 Dec 2013 12:00 +0200
10 of Your Most Embarrassing Questions Answered http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/10-of-your-most-embarrassing-questions-answered COSMO’S responses instead


1. If you have a bigger clitoris. Is it easier to orgasm?
No. Every clitoris has 8 000 nerve endings.

2. How long does intercourse last for most people?

Between three and 13 minutes.

3. Are some people asexual?
Yes. One in 100 adults has absolutely no interest in sex.

4. If a man doesn’t ejaculate, does it mean that he hasn’t climaxed?

Not necessarily. Ejaculating and climaxing are separate. An orgasm is a muscle contraction; ejaculation is the expulsion of semen.

5. Is there a subtle way to spit out semen after oral sex?
Not really. Use a tissue or go to the bathroom

6. How long, typically, can a guy’s erection last?
Not more than an hour.

7. Can men get thrush?
Yes, if they have sexual contact with a women who has it.

8. Does sex feel different with an uncircumcised guy?
A little. The foreskin slips up and down the shaft as he thrusts.

9. My partner fell asleep during sex. What the hell?

It’s not you, it’s him. He was probably tired. But if it happens often he should contact a doctor.

10. Does shoe size really correlate to penis size?
No – and neither does hand size.

For more information on Sex click here.

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Fri, 20 Dec 2013 12:00 +0200
A Brief History of Porn http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/a-brief-history-of-porn
Since the Dawn of Time
Most historians agree that pornography has been a part of human society since the dawn of storytelling. There are erotic pornography images that date as far back as ancient rock carvings. This prehistoric petroglyph of a vulva might not look like much to us, but to our ancestors it had a very definite connotation.


Kama Sutra
The first documented porn pictures were printed in Oriental manuals of sex, and Kama Sutra was among the most popular of them. It is estimated that it was composed about 400 BC, but the Hindu feared that the paper would not survive and decorated the temples of Kajuharo with numerous figurines of people having sex.


13th to 16th Century
During this time, pornographic images were hidden away in the margins of religious texts. Books were expensive, so displaying both pleasure and prayer in one text was not unusual. Christianity prohibited depicting anything but religious figures, such as saints.


Sixteenth Century
The word ‘pornography’ meaning ‘indecent pictures’ or ‘depiction of whores’ came from the Greeks, who painted frescoes on the walls of brothels during this time.

The Renaissance in Rome was the birthplace of what we know as modern pornography. At the time, it was highly controversial and even frowned upon by the Roman Catholic Church. For instance, Guilio Romano created a collection of 16 engravings showing women copulating and was thrown in jail for almost a year by Pope Clement VII.

Political Porn
The French revolution (1789-1799) marked a major turning point in the history of modern pornography. Prior to the revolution, porn was the domain of the upper class but with the introduction of the pamphlet and free press, porn was democratised. It was used to attack the authority of the Church-run state. Unpopular aristocratic figures, particularly Queen Marie Antoinette, were depicted in gross sexual caricatures.

Nineteenth Century
The growth of photography in the 1820s changed porn because, like print, photos made it easy to distribute en masse. In addition to photography, halftone printing and film made their debut as a medium of pornography in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. In the 19th century, though, driven by Victorian prudishness, porn became illegal.

Twentieth Century
Widely considered to be the first pornographic motion picture, A L’Ecu d’Or ou la bonne auberge was released in France in 1908. The relationship between the silver screen and erotica was firmly established, and the rest, as they say, is history. Men’s magazines that depicted nude women, erotic stories and comics were created. It began with publications such as Le Frisson. This led to the creation another popular form of pornography: Playboy magazine created by Hugh Hefner in 1953. As technology such as film, the computer, the internet and the cellphone was developed, it was all used to advance the porn industry.



This article was originally posted on www.marieclairvoyant.com


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Tue, 17 Dec 2013 12:00 +0200
Baby-Makin’ Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/baby-makin-sex
WHY IT’S AWESOME

You can bask in the security of knowing that you’re getting it on with someone who wants to take on a life-changing commitment to you, and plan your romps around the days when you’re most likely to ovulate. This is also when the hormones that boost your sex drive are at their highest levels.

PASSION-AMPING POSITION
There are many myths about the best baby-making positions, but the truth is that there are no clinical studies to back any of these up. Ejaculation releases more than one-million sperm into your vagina, so you don’t need to lie on your back with your legs up to increase the chances of baby-making success! So feel free to spice things up your way.

Try a ‘cliff-hanging wheelbarrow-style’ position that will enable your man to get the tip of his penis close to the entrance of your cervix while making use of gravity to help his sperm along. Lie face down on the bed with your lower body (from the waist down) hanging over the end. He should hold your legs open while entering you from behind. He’ll appreciate the erotic view while you get to enjoy deep vaginal penetration.

For more on sex click here.


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Tue, 17 Dec 2013 12:00 +0200
Be a Sex Superstar These Holidays http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/be-a-sex-superstar-these-holidays
1) Build Anticipation
Show him how much more passionate a drawn-out lust session can be and he will credit you forever with deepening his sex life. And then there is the payoff when he finally does boil over: a super intense orgasm. As soon as he is ready to climax, tell him to keep still by grabbing his but cheeks together. Then resume, this is sweet torture for him. But in the end- it could be the best orgasm you have had in your entire life.

2) Make Sex Fun
Men love being playful, so getting goofy between the sheets will leave him feeling at ease with you.

3 )Be Body Confident
The typical man isn’t detail orientated enough to notice your so-called flaws unless you draw attention to them. That’s why a confident woman who acts as though she’s sexy is sexy to men. Being confident in bed is really attractive for men, so make sure you work on your confidence before hitting the sack!

4) Tell Him What You Want

For the average guy the goal during sex is to get a hot response from you. So many men wish more women would let them know exactly which touches and moves they want. When women are quiet about what gets them aroused, guys are forced to guess – leading to a ton of anxieties. Prevent this from happening by being upfront about what you like in the bed and what you don’t.

5) Have a Signature Move
Just as a signature fashion style will make you stand out in the crowd, a signature sex move will propel you to the forefront of a man’s booty memory bank. No need to invent an entire new position; just personalise a certain position that will suit both you and your partners likes.



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Sat, 14 Dec 2013 12:00 +0200
More Hot Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/superforeplay
• ‘To draw out the sensation even more, use moves that stimulate different parts of his body at the same time, then ask him to do the same for you, says author of More Hot Sex, Tracey Cox. These double-your-bliss teasing touches not only feel amazing but also won’t let either of you get so carried away by any one touch that you go over the edge.

• Some two-in-one foreplay ideas: while kissing, run your tongue along his, and at the same time, graze the tip of his penis with your fingers –you’ll ignite his mouth and genitals simultaneously. Or ask him to lie on his back, then make wide circles with your tongue against his nipple while moving your hand down to his testicles and cupping them lightly. Coax him to place his hand on your breasts or V-zone as he gently nibbles your neck and ears.

• When you’re ready to give him oral sex, don’t take him all the way into your mouth. Instead, flick your tongue lightly against the head of his penis as you run one hand from the base of his penis to his lower belly, gently pressing inwards. ‘This will excite the ultra-sensitive inner part of his penis,’ says Cox. The explosive feeling will urge him towards an unforgettable orgasm…but not immediately.

For more on Sex positions click here.

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Tue, 10 Dec 2013 12:00 +0200
9 Sex Injuries and What Causes Them http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/oh-oh-ouch
Back and Neck Strains
Caused by… falling off the bed or down stairs. Avoid by… holding on tighter and changing your sex position slowly. Also, avoid having sex on unstable furniture such as an ironing board – which, experts say, is surprisingly common!

Bruises and Scratches

Caused by… spanking or being tied up during bondage. Avoid by… not sticking duct tape straight onto skin, using handcuffs with fur covers and only spanking or getting spanked on padded areas such as the buttocks.

Carpet/Friction Burns
Caused by
… impatient lovers who can’t make it to the bed and end up having sex on the floor/on the couch/against a curtain/on the grass. Avoid by… putting down a top, towel or cushion before getting, er, stuck in.

Chaffed Nipples
Caused by… biting, clamping and other types of nipple stimulation. Avoid by… telling your lover to be more gentle – unless you’re actually after a little pain, in which case grin and bear it, baby!

Bruised and Strained Muscles
Caused by… vigorous and lengthy sex sessions, or trying out a complicated position. Avoid by… stretching properly beforehand, says experts. (Which kind of made us laugh a little. Okay, a lot.)
Lost foreign objects in the vagina or anus
Caused by… objects other than sex toys being inserted into orifices. Avoid by… sticking to approved sex toys.

Penile Fractures
Caused by… missing a thrust and hitting something solid. Avoid by… slowing down his pace.

Allergic Reactions

Caused (mostly) by… a reaction to lubricant or latex condoms. Avoid by… using latex-free condoms or testing the lube on your arm first.

Red and Swollen Eyes

Caused by… your partner ejaculating into your eyes. Avoid by… asking him to improve his aim.

Insect Bites
Caused by… exposure to an insect (or several) while romping in the great outdoors. Avoid by… taking a good, long look at where you’re putting down your naked derrière.






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Mon, 25 Nov 2013 12:00 +0200
The Perks of Kissing http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-perks-of-kissing- It brings happiness
The technical way of saying it would be that kissing stimulates the brain’s pleasure centre, releasing the ecstasy hormone, phenylethylamine. In a nutshell, kiss away and you will be happy!

Uhm… great teeth?

This is going to sound gross but kissing actually prevents tooth decay by stimulating saliva flow, which slows plaque build up and neutralises mouth acids.

Stress relief
An intense kiss can actually be quite relaxing. According to Dr Gary Ward, when the nerve endings in the lips press together, tension decreases and calming endorphins are released.

Become stronger

Kissing daily is like giving yourself an immune-boosting shot! When you kiss, you are exchanging saliva which contains some good germs that can help protect you.

Its makes you younger
Apparently kissing tones your facial muscles. Who needs botox or crazy expensive facials when you can stay home and kiss your man all day?

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Mon, 18 Nov 2013 12:00 +0200
The Simple Sex Life: Part 3 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-simple-sex-life-part-3 SIT ON IT
Celebs such as Sadie Frost and Kate Moss may have made it cool to pole dance but why not just use a good old-fashioned chair? Sit on it (with the chair facing backwards and you straddling it naked), then move and dance around it. It’ll be just as good a show for him – and you won’t need to shell out for your own pole.

WORDPLAY
If you’re shy, you don’t have to go into full dirty-talk mode. Just explain how sexy you feel, what turns you on and how much you love his body. He’ll soon pick up the hint and, before long, your lip service will lead to a service of a different kind.

THE STROKES
Rather than giving massages with all kinds of exotic oils, try stroking each other’s body. According to scientists, the CT nerves just under the skin’s surface respond to light, soft strokes by sending feelings of warmth, love and contentment to the brain.

WHAT A HUMMER
Leave the vibrating penis ring in its packet and hum while you give each other oral sex. The vibrations from mouth to bits will intensify the sensation.

THE BIG SCREAM
We’re not advocating banshee-type oral gymnastics or suggesting you become the sexual equivalent of Mariah Carey hitting a high note, but making some noise as you approach orgasm will encourage him and help intensify your own climax.

For Part 1, click here.
For Part 2, click here.
For more sex stories, click here

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Sun, 17 Nov 2013 12:00 +0200
Penis Myths: Part 1 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/penis-myths-part-1 1: Big hands or feet = big penis
FALSE: Let’s be honest, we’ve all subconsciously made a note of large hands or oversized feet when out on that crucial first date. But if you were hoping his size 12s indicated a well-packed lunchbox, you could be disappointed. In a UK study, doctors at St Mary’s Hospital in London examined the penises of 104 men, with shoe sizes ranging from eight to 13, and found no correlation. Sorry.

2: You can be allergic to his sperm
TRUE: It’s quite rare, but some women’s immune systems can get confused and think sperm is a germ. Their bodies then create antibodies to attack the sperm, causing burning, itching or inflammation after sex. Weirdly enough, the same thing can happen to men. Condoms can help to prevent the problem but if you’re worried, see your doctor.

3: The average penis is 15cm long
TRUE: Several studies have reported the length of the average erect penis to be between 12,5cm and 18cm. In the 1950s, the famous Kinsey Report found that 52% of men had a penis 15cm or less when erect and that the actual size of an average penis was much shorter than the 16,5cm men claimed when they measured themselves. And they say women exaggerate the truth…

4: A man with a bigger penis can have sex for longer
FALSE: The size of a penis has nothing to do with the length of time a man is able to make love. Any number of factors – from stress to tiredness – can have an effect on his performance in bed. And apparently some men suffer from ‘retarded ejaculation’, which means they find it difficult to ejaculate even when fully aroused.

5: Frequent masturbation makes the penis larger
FALSE: It doesn’t matter what he tells you – his penis might look slightly bigger after masturbation but this is only temporary. Once he is a fully developed man, nothing short of risky surgery will alter the size of his pride and joy.


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Sat, 02 Nov 2013 12:00 +0200
5 Surprising Things That Turn Guys Off http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/5-surprising-things-that-turn-guys-off
‘She didn’t even bother to wash her hair.’
This is a biggie. What matters much more than how tall/short or skinny/curvy you are is how well you take care of your personal appearance. Unless the man you are meeting wears scratchy shirts made in Peru and has his hair in dreads, arriving on a first date smelling (rather than looking) funky is a total turn off. I can’t emphasise this enough.
Sex Forecast: None. Shudder. Cheque, please.

‘She got completely wasted.’
There are two types of drunk to get on a first date. One is good and one is bad. The good one is when you have just enough alcohol to melt away the awkwardness and get a little flirty. The bad one is when you wake up the next morning and the slide show going through your head includes blurry clips of somebody dancing on a table, ordering jägerbombs for the whole bar, sloppily snogging someone (possibly your date), and ending with a very close crop of off-white porcelain.
Sex Forecast: Probably fairly adventurous. Fidelity might be something of an issue, though.

‘All she talked about was her previous relationship’.
The early parts of a relationship should be about frivolity. This is as close to skipping through meadows, singing ‘the hills are alive with the sound of music’ as he’s ever going to get. Don’t stop the frolicking by letting your personal baggage weigh him down.
Sex Forecast: What? What do you mean, ‘Oh yes, yes, yes, Greg baby’? It’s me… Steve

‘She lost it at the waiter’.
I don’t think waiters realise what a significant barometer of personal relationships they’ve become. In restaurants all over the world, many a promising affair stalls as, with growing horror, a man witnesses his date’s total disrespect for a waiter. ‘How then,’ he wonders, ‘is she going to treat my friends and family, and, down the line, me?’
Sex Forecast: It’s 2am. I’m sleeping. She’s holding a scalpel. There’s a bunny boiling on the stove.

‘Man, she just would not stop nagging.’
Here’s a truth about men: we cannot bear consistent attempts to control us. The notion of ‘unfettered freedom’ is encoded into our genes and, even if we don’t actively pursue it, it must still be able to draw breath as a theoretical concept in our minds.
Sex Forecast: No, I have not been bad. Can you untie me please? Ouch! Hey!!!

For more sex stories, click here



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Fri, 01 Nov 2013 12:00 +0200
The Simple Sex Life: Part 2 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-simple-sex-life-part-2 PUSSYCAT DOLL
Try the scientific-sounding, coital-alignment technique, which is far less complicated than it sounds. Start in the missionary position with his legs between yours, then get him to move up your body so that the base of his penis rubs against your clitoris with every movement. Prrr.

BALL CONTROL
Next time you give him oral sex, head even further south … to his testicles. Explore them with your tongue and lips, cup them with your hands and he’ll be yelling, ‘Game, set, match!’ before you’ve so much as handled his racket, as it were.

A BIT OF LEGWORK
Next time he whips off your sexy skinny jeans, make him leave them around your ankles before he goes down on you. The frustration of not being able to open your legs properly as his tongue gets to work on you will drive you wild – and he’ll be focused entirely on your clitoris because your closed legs won’t allow him to probe any further.

NIGHTIE NIGHT
Instead of a blindfold, whip out a sexy nightie from under your pillow. As you drape it seductively over his face, the smell of your perfume will drive him wild, as will the sexy, soft material. No, your baggy old tracksuit bottoms won’t have the same effect.

GET A SEX PACK
Bypass fancy orgasm-intensifying oils and just pull in your stomach muscles. This will make your breathing shallower and your orgasm even more powerful.

For Part 1, click here.
For Part 3, click here.
For more sex stories, click here ]]>
Tue, 29 Oct 2013 12:00 +0200
Put a Spring in Your Sex Life http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/put-a-spring-in-your-sex-life-
1 Get physical, baby!
Shape-shift Exercise gets the blood pumping and is a natural aphrodisiac, so take up a new sport or sign up with a gym. Or try pole-dancing classes, which will enhance your self-confidence and body image, and will get your pelvic-floor muscles gyrating – not to mention get you in the mood to perform. ‘The dance moves are very sensual and have given me an ego boost,’ says pole-dancing student Blanché Scholtz. ‘I’ve learnt that you can be sexy, beautiful and seductive no matter what size you are.’
De fuzz There’s nothing quite like silk or satin to remind you that you’re a sexual being but the effect is lost if tufts of hair poke out from where they’ve been hiding all winter. Laser, tweeze, wax or shave!
Get A faux glow ‘Tanned fat looks better than pasty-white fat,’ says Aleksa Bargehr, co-owner of The Bedroom, a sensual boutique for women in Johannesburg. ‘But sun damage is not sexy, so rather fake it.’
Sexercise ‘We tend to focus on our external muscles when we exercise and forget about the muscles we use when we’re having sex,’ says Catherine Williams, a registered sex educator who runs workshops at Whet Sensuality Emporium in Cape Town. ‘Kegel exercises will keep the vagina toned, so pop in a set of smart balls [two weighted balls encased in medical graded silicone] and start doing your pelvic floor exercises. Squeeze and release, squeeze and release, while you enjoy some self-pleasure.’ Having strong vaginal muscles makes a huge difference to the intensity of orgasm for both parties.

2 Get a head start
Your brain is the strongest sex organ. ‘Thinking about sex gives you a libido boost,’ says US researcher Andrea Bradford in a study published in The Journal Of Sexual Medicine.
Sex on the brain ‘Think sexier,’ says The Bedroom’s Chantal Edouard-Betsy. ‘Allow your mind to wander and fantasise. Take part in some cerebral lovemaking by indulging in “sexting” or phone sex.’ The more you think about sex, the more excited you get about having sex.
Clit lit ‘Women who read erotic novels tend to be more orgasmic than those who don’t’,’ says Williams. ‘Reading about sex gets fantasy and sexuality back into your mind-set. An added bonus of reading erotic literature is all the new ideas you get.’ Women tend to prefer reading descriptions of sex and sexual encounters to having visual stimuli. ‘Women can be aroused by their imaginations without visuals,’ says Jennie Ashwal, a registered counsellor in Johannesburg. ‘Men have their toys on the outside, so they’re more visual when it comes to sex.’
A sensual massage can reignite your sexuality after winter. ‘The massages are not only for pleasure but also for healing and release of sexual blockages,’ says Jonti Searll, one of South Africa’s leading teachers in the fields of sexuality and sensuality.

3 Go full steam ahead
In the mood ‘Setting the scene will help move your mind away from any body-consciousness,’ says Bargehr. ‘Light a scented candle and let the warm glow and the intoxicating aphrodisiac scent of vanilla engulf you. Then drip the warm massage oil that’s secreted on each other’s bodies.’ Williams suggests a play on the same sensations of hot and cold.
Practice makes perfect ‘Women tend to frame their sexuality around their partners needs but most men really enjoy seeing women experience pleasure,’ says Williams. And confidence comes from knowing yourself. ‘Explore yourself – try an external vibrator and you’ll know exactly what turns you on when he gets his hands on you.’
Get wet Why stay indoors when it’s gorgeous outside? Play in the sprinkler or have a moonlit skinny dip. Feeling the sun on your naked skin is also a great aphrodisiac. Many sex toys are waterproof and add extra fun to pool – or bath time.
What to wear As you dress in less, lingerie is a good place to start waking up your sexuality. Choose bright spring colours with sexy straps that peek out from under your clothes – a reminder of what’s underneath should keep you (and him) feeling sexy all day. If it’s a hot day, fulfil that wet-T-shirt fantasy he might have. Put on a tissue-thin white tee and ‘accidentally’ get wet while washing up.



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Wed, 23 Oct 2013 12:00 +0200
Is Make-Up Sex Worth Fighting For? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/is-make-up-sex-worth-fighting-for
Why doing it does it
Sex promotes bonding and intimacy, makes us feel good about ourselves, relieves stress and helps us maintain harmony in our relationships. And according to sex therapist and psychologist Dr Diana Kirschner, ‘you’re likely to have a wonderful, strong orgasm after a fight, which releases oxytocin, otherwise known as the “bonding” hormone.’

The snag
Many experts believe it’s not always healthy to end a relationship row with a roll in the hay. ‘Honestly, it’s not that different from an addict who needs a hit of cocaine,’’ Seth Meyers, a clinical psychologist, wrote in a Psychology Today blog post. Make-up sex can be dangerous because it rewards emotional drama, he says. ‘Think about it: if you have amazing sex after you have a huge fight, doesn’t it make sense to fight again when the reward is so great?’ If you’re driven by the desire to feel good after all the negative emotions during a fight, having sex is not about achieving greater intimacy and trust – the goal in any healthy relationship.

Then again…
There’s a heap of evidence that suggests that make-up sex can help take the edge of disagreements. ‘Sex is an effective way of communicating,’ says Dr Wilme Steenekamp, a Potchefstroom sexologist, medical doctor and psychologist. ‘Sometimes we want to say, “I forgive you and I still love you” but we’re simply more fluent in sexual language.’ Used well, it can diffuse your anger. ‘It’s okay to have the discussion about the argument later,’ she says. ‘By then you’ll be able to express your needs.’

Make up without making out
Connect in nonverbal ways – after a humdinger you’re unlikely to express yourself well, says Patricia Love and Stevem Stosny, authors of How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It (Harmony). Also make genuine repair attempts: apologise, then laugh or touch him to cut the tension, says John Gottman, a psychology professor at the University of Washington in the US. This says you’re on the same team.



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Tue, 22 Oct 2013 12:00 +0200
The Simple Sex Life http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-simple-sex-life DRESS FOR SEXCESS
Instead of discarding your clothes as soon as your lips meet, why not enjoy a bit of teenage-style fondling? Rubbing up against each other without penetration can be surprisingly erotic and can even result in an orgasm, if you persevere.

BIT OF A SQUEEZE
As he thrusts, rhythmically squeeze your vaginal muscles around his penis. He will feel the pressure and be accelerated towards orgasm because of it and so will you! Just make sure you practise your pelvic-floor exercises.

LIP/SUCK
Try the ancient Hindu practice of lip-sucking, which is when he sucks and nibbles your upper lip (which is believed to be connected via nerve pathways to the clitoris), while you do the same to his lower lip.

IT’S IN YOUR EYES
We all know that keeping our eyes open during sex can be an erotic experience (even if your man’s more Will Ferrell than Will Smith), so why not take it one step further and give Tantric gazing a go? Okay, the purpose of this technique is to connect you on a spiritual level but it will heighten your sexual experience too. Sit facing each other with your legs on either side of his hips, and his on either side of yours, then look into each other’s eyes, imagining – for at least five minutes before you begin to touch each other – what you’d like to do to each other.

FANTASY THAT!
You don’t have to be garbed in full porno-star regalia or exotic outfits to play doctors and nurses in bed. In fact, most role-playing is racier when you share a spontaneous thought described in detail and leave the rest to the imagination. Then you don’t have to worry about your little plastic nurse’s cap poking him in the eye.


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Mon, 21 Oct 2013 12:00 +0200
50 Shades of Sex Tips: Part 2 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/50-shades-of-sex-tips-part-2 Let him take control

1 Strap one of his belts around your waist and let him hold on to it like a leash while you have sex.

2 Tell him to pinch your erect nipples or, if you enjoy the sensation, put clothes pegs on them.

3 Lie across an Ottoman and tell him, ‘Professor Wankerton, I’ve been bad and I need a spanking.’

4 Use novelty handcuffs to tie your ankles to the bed. Tell him you’re his prisoner and he’s your pervy guard.

5 In the shower get him to shave your legs for ultimate submission.

6 Lie in bed with your legs closed and challenge him to open them.

7 Using special ouch-free tape (visit your nearest sex shop), let him tie your wrists above your head before you get it on.

8 Introduce him to a tracing wheel (it’s like a plastic, blunt-edge pizza cutter – ask for one at an art shop), and tell him to roll it over your clitoris (lightly!)

9 Give him a pair of exfoliating gloves, and have him run his coarse fingers over your body.

10 Instruct him to wrap your chest and torso in plastic wrap and caress you through it – the muted sensation feels amazing.

11 Tell him to slap your butt at the moment you climax – you are turned on and can take more pain, and the mix of pleasure and sting will leave you breathless.

12 Have him use a tie to create a gag for you – it’s soft enough that it won’t hurt too much. Keep a pair of scissors handy in case he has trouble untying it.
13 Buy a tny remote-controlled vibrator and slip it into your underwear before you go out to dinner, then hand him the controls for the evening.

14 Get him to wrap your wrists and ankles in toilet paper for a lighter restraint. While you are bound, he should tease you to the point where you’re so turned on that you have to rip free of your shackles.

15 Have him use a ruler to lightly tap your inner thighs while he goes down on you.

16 Have him ‘whip’ your backside with a small hand towel. He should start off gently and learn the difference between snapping his wrist rapidly as opposed to a slow follow-through.

17 Ask him to trail your stiletto down the length of your chest and abdomen, stopping just short of your pubic mound.

18 Tell him to grab the bottom front of your T-shirt and pull it over your head, sliding it halfway down your arms to restrict them, while he has his way with you.

19 Let him run an electric toothbrush between your toes during foreplay. He should not stop, no matter how much you squirm.

20 Did You Know That your nipples aren’t equally sensitive? Play a game with yours to see which one can withstand the most pain. Have him start out on the left by tickling, then moving on to scratching, tugging and tweaking until you beg for mercy. Then switch to the right side, and see if you can hold out for longer.

21 Walk to the nearest kitchen-supply store and purchase a silicone pastry brush for him to stroke over your breasts.

22 Hand him an ice cube and instruct him to hold it on one of your nipples until you beg him to stop, at which point he should pop your chilly nip in his hot, waiting mouth.

23 Let him write ‘Property of (his name)’ on your underwear before you leave for work. It’s a kinky all-day reminder that he’s your ‘master’.

24 When he is going down on you, he should stop when you’re close to orgasm, and pin down your hands so that you can’t touch yourself, until you are begging him to keep going.

25 Have him lay you down on a piece of clothing embellished with studs. The hard little knobs will press against your skin in a way that awakens every nerve.



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Sat, 19 Oct 2013 12:00 +0200
50 Shades of Sex Tips: Part 1 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/50-shades-of-sex-tips-part-1 Dominate him

1 Graze your teeth over his index finger (it is the fleshiest and can handle the pressure) while he’s taking you from behind.

2 Dig your nails into his butt as he thrusts into you, and hold him inside you at the deepest point refusing to let him move for 30 seconds.

3 Use your bra to tie his hands behind his back, then coat your nipples in delicious toppings and order him to lick them off.

4 Have him lie on the floor naked. Shimmy into a pair of thigh-high boots, and walk in circles around him, stopping every now and then to press the heel of your boot into his skin.

5 As you’re riding him, clamp down on his ear lobes with your fingers and pull on them to rock yourself forwards and backwards.

6 Press a fork (firmly – but don’t break the skin) into different parts of his body – his butt cheeks, his pecs, his thighs.

7 Slick your lip-plumping gloss (the stuff that stings a little) on your mouth and then quickly kiss the very sensitive spots on his body.

8 Tell him he’s your slave for the evening, and if he does whatever you want, his reward is sex that’s all about him.

9 In your meanest school-teacher voice, order him to stand in a corner facing the wall and not to move. After a few minutes, demand that he get into bed and ravage you.

10 Using your thumb and index finger, make a circle and press it firmly against his scrotum so the skin is pulled taut (he’ll be able to withstand more pain than he would if his testicles were just hanging loose). Tap your fingers firmly over the area, then move on to light scratching.

11 Swivel a small icecube over his frenulum (the small fold of skin on the underside of the penis where he head meets the shaft) until it completely melts. While his skin is still wet, blow hot breath on it (exhaling with your mouth open).

12 Go all dominatrix on him by rocking your leather jacket and nothing else, sitting in a chair and instructing him to go down on you.

13 BDSM sometimes involves sexual deprivation. Try tying his wrists to the bed, get on top of him, and ride him until he is on the brink of orgasm, then stop until he begs.

14 Blindfold him and then give him directions (‘Touch me here. No, not there, here’). When you can’t be seen, the bossy badass can come out.

15 Bite his inner thigh right where his balls are resting. Being a little too close for his comfort is a rush.

16 Quiz him – what’s your favourite flower, movie, and so forth – and if he gets a question right, he’s earned 10 seconds of oral. Wrong, and you drizzle molten candle wax (use a massage candle, which won’t be quite as hot) on his chest.

17 While he’s sitting on a couch, climb on top of him and lace your fingers in his hair. Clamp down, tilt his head back and kiss him long and hard.

18 During sex put your finger in his mouth and order him to suck it.

19 Make him watch a porno – from the pizza being delivered to the pizza boy getting his ‘tip’ – without touching you or himself. If he tries, slap his hand away.

20 Out at dinner massage him through his pants under the table – stop when he becomes hard. You want him to squirm like a two-year-old who needs to pee throughout the meal.

21 Tie a silk tie loosely around his penis, then roll it up and down for a silky hand job.

22 Order him to paint your toenails while you’re wearing a miniskirt with no knickers underneath it.

23 Have him stand up, then tie his ankles to the bedposts. Bend over and let him enter you from behind – he can’t move, so he’s at the mercy of your thrusting.

24 Kneel on top of him – with your knees pinning down his arms – and have him tease you with his mouth.

25 Use the back of a hairbrush to swat his thighs lightly when he steps out of the shower – wet skin is more sensitive than dry.



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Fri, 18 Oct 2013 12:00 +0200
Mix it Up http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/mix-it-up The Great Lover Playbook (Gotham Booth). Here are 13 new moves you might never have heard of.

Wanton warm-up
New move 1
Temperature tease

Forget about just stroking your man with a pair of satin knickers. For a treat, place them in the freezer for a few hours. When they are icy, loosely wrap them around his penis and gently slide them up and down. ‘The coolness combined with the smooth texture creates a surprising sensation,’ says Olivia St Claire, author of 302 Advanced Techniques For Driving A Man Wild In Bed (Harmony). But act fast – the heat coming off your man’s groin will rapidly melt the chill. Once the knickers hit room temperature, go the opposite route and warm things up. Paget suggests microwaving a damp face cloth for about 15 seconds. Then rub his penis with it in an up-and-down motion, as you did with the knickers. ‘Not only is the warming sensation soothing but it also brings the blood flow to his groin area, increasing his arousal,’ says Paget.

New move 2
Pleasure map

This one may sound a bit odd but guys say it feels incredible. Heat up some massage oil and put it into a plastic syringe. Then use it to draw shapes, spell out naughty words or create trails on his body – from his neck, over his arms and down his back, butt and legs. ‘The hot oil moving in specific lines will excite the skin more than a broad stroke of oil would,’ says sex therapist Dr Ian Kerner, author of He Comes Next (Regan Books). Once you’ve left your hot, slippery mark, knead your designs with your knuckles.

New move 3
Naughty pearl necklace

This glamorous accessory makes a hot passion prop. Find a 90cm strand of fake pearls (this trick will ruin the real deal!) and wear it all day so your body warms up the pearls. ‘When you’re in bed, take off the pearls and cover them generously with lube,’ says Paget. ‘Coil them around the shaft of his penis comfortably but snugly enough for them to rest against his penis.’ Then, intertwine your fingers and place the palms of your hands on either side of his penis. Slide your hands up and down his shaft, rolling the warm, smooth beads over its length.

New move 4
Scrunchie tip

So you thought scrunchies went out with the ‘80s? Well, they’re making a sexy comeback. Stack six scrunchies tightly on top of one another over his penis. ‘Remove them one by one using your mouth,’ says St Claire. ‘As each piece is removed, it releases a little bit of pressure on his penis, which will make his orgasm more intense, when it happens. Also, the movement of the fabric will feel wild on his skin.’

New move 5
Double mint, double pleasure

You can create a pleasurable hot-and-cold sensation with a few sips of warm mint tea. ‘The tea makes your mouth hot as you press your lips against each other’s private parts,’ says Paget. ‘Meanwhile, the menthol in the mint will cool down the area when you pull your mouth away, creating a hot-and-cold tug of war.’ Start by getting him to take small sips of the tea before exploring you with his mouth – he should sip often to ensure you’re getting the full effect of the mint. He can alternate by blowing cool air on your warm skin, making the tingly feeling more intense. After he is – or rather, after you are – finished, try the move on him.

New move 6
Feel buzzed

There’s nothing like some cool vibrations to up the feel-good ante. Have him hold a regular vibrator against his cheek when he’s giving you oral sex or do the same to him. ‘This technique cushions the vibrations so they’re not overpowering,’ says Paget.

New move 7
Body paint

Use an art paintbrush to tickle each other’s skin. (Make sure it’s clean.) ‘Take turns running it across the inner arms, behind the knees, over the tops of the feet – any area where you’re very sensitive,’ says Paget. ‘The bristles arouse the nerve endings, sending a message to the brain that you’re yearning for more touch and sensation.’ For different effects, test out different-sized brushes.

New move 8
The ‘W’

When going down on a man, many women focus on the penis, inadvertently ignoring the surrounding areas. But his pelvic region has tons of sensitive spots aching for some attention. ‘Starting at the spot where his left thigh meets his groin, move your tongue down towards his scrotum, up between the testes, then come down and around, finishing in the crease between his right thigh and his groin,’ says Jane Bogart, coordinator of health promotion at the University of California at Santa Cruz in the US. ‘The invisible lines that make up this ‘W’ shape are thin-skinned and full of nerve endings, making them especially sensitive.’

New Move 9
Frisky french kiss

‘Even if his skills are already stellar, it’s a fun, unique and pleasurable experience to have him French-kiss your private parts the way he would your lips,’ says Bogart. He can caress the area with his tongue, wiggling it in a circular motion and moving it from top to bottom, and gently suck the skin.

New Move 10
Dual oral action

This trick is simple but the effects are amazing. ‘While giving him oral sex, slide a finger into your mouth and tickle his penis, stimulating him with your lips, tongue and finger all at the same time,’ say St Claire. ‘It’s an unexpected new sensation for him.’

The main event
New move 11
Stuck on you

During intercourse, you’re all wrapped up in each other. Extend that concept even further by literally tying yourselves together. Take a long knitted scarf or a Pilates stretch band (long enough to fit around your body about eight times). Then fold it in half, twist it into a long rope that fits snugly around both of your bodies twice, and secure it with a knot at your waist so you’re locked together. Whether you get into the girl-on-top or missionary position, or straddle him face to face, you won’t be able to move more than a few inches from each other. ‘This not only increases the intimacy but also the fun factor, as you find inventive ways to move in sync,’ says Bogart.

New move 12
Passion-prop play

To put a creative spin on the standard missionary position, stroke his back with a few around-the-house items. Keep a hairbrush, a soft scarf and a tennis ball (yes, a tennis ball!) on your bedside table. When he’s on top, alternate between scratching his back and butt with the bristles of the brush, stroking him with the scarf and rolling the tennis ball over his skin. ‘The changes in sensation will keep him on his toes during the act and provide him with an extra dose of pleasure,’ says Kerner.

New move 13
Web ‘n wild

For a post-passion wrap-up session, set up an instant-messenger account with a secret name and tell your man to be online at a certain time. Then send him a message – pretending to be a sexy stranger – and recount all the naughty details of your last rendezvous together. ‘Not only are you confirming how amazing your sex life is, you’re also bragging about your sexual escapades to a “stranger”,’ says Kerner. Your play-by-play account is bound to whet your appetites for the next romp!



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Fri, 27 Sep 2013 12:00 +0200
Six Ways to be a Sex Superstar: Part 1 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/six-ways-to-be-a-sex-superstar-part-1 We took the advice of guys who’ve had memorable sex and those who study such things to give you these six ways in which to earn unforgettable status.

1. BUILD ANTICIPATION
Before leaving for work, my girl will come up behind me while I’m brushing my teeth and play with my package,’ says Hakimo*, 30, an attorney from Durban. ‘Then she kisses me goodbye and flies out the door. For the next eight hours, all I can think of is how we’re going to continue the action that night.’

Few guys have the self-control to create this kind of erotic anticipation on their own – when they get excited, many want to get busy then and there. That’s why so many men love it when women tease them. ‘Show him how much more passionate a drawn-out lust session can be and he’ll credit you forever with deepening his sex life,’ says sex therapist Rebecca Rosenblat.

And then there’s the payoff when he finally does boil over: a superintense orgasm. ‘I dated this woman who tormented me with stop-and-start sex – I’d be ready to climax but she’d grab my butt cheeks and tell me to keep still, keeping me right on the edge,’ says Steven*, 30, a journalist from Cape Town. ‘Then we’d resume, and a minute later, she’d hold me still again. It was sweet torture – but in the end I had the most powerful orgasm of my life.’

2. MAKE SEX FUN
Sex can be soulful and intense but not every moment has to be the sexual equivalent of a John Mayer song. Andre*, 30, a Johannesburg DJ, says, ‘Sometimes funny things happen – like one of you emits a noise or tumbles off the bed. If I’m with a girl who can’t let these gaffes roll off her back, it’s lame.’

‘Men love being playful, so getting goofy between the sheets will leave him feeling at ease with you,’ says Yvonne Fullbright, author of Touch Me There! (Hunter House). Privesh*, 27, a personal trainer from Durban, says, ‘My girlfriend is just silly. She’ll do stuff like grab me and pin me down when I try to get up, telling me I have to pay a fine if I want to leave. We behave like kids when we’re together. And often, if we’re wrestling, it turns into really hot, really fun sex.’


3. BE ENTHUSIASTIC
When was the last time you jumped your guy? You may be wondering, ‘Who the hell keeps count?’ But he may. ‘Guys are thrilled when a girl initiates sex because it shows how excited you are to be with him, and enthusiasm is a huge ego booster,’ says Sandor Gardos, founder of www.mypleasure.com. If he usually initiates sex, try throwing him onto the bed and having your way with him for a change, or whispering before work that you need satisfaction ASAP.

You can also show erotic enthusiasm outside the bedroom. ‘I had an ex who always used to say she found the sex at the beginning of a relationship to be the best,’ says Thabs*, 26, a clothing designer from Pretoria. ‘So even after we’d dated for a while, she used to behave as though we’d just started going out – playing footsie under the table, or coming up behind me in a club and pinching my butt. All it made me do was get more and more excited about what was going to happen later – it was a great warm-up.’


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Thu, 26 Sep 2013 12:00 +0200
Sex With a New Guy http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-with-a-new-guy
HIS PACKAGE
Guys are very sensitive when it comes to their manhood, particularly reactions to its size, shape and flaccidity/rigidity. Even if he has a penis the size of a toothpick, it would be best if you didn’t laugh in his face. Assuming that it’s not a toothpick, we react well to shock-and-awe tactics. ‘Wow, it’s huge!’ usually helps us overcome any confidence issues we might have.
DO: Tell him it’s huge!
DON’T: Laugh at it, even though it may be a joke.

GETTING IT ON
Most guys are open-minded about sex. So it goes without saying that we appreciate a girl who’s a freak in the sack. That doesn’t mean we want to discover your whole repertoire on the first night. The anticipation of an act is part of the excitement and a little bit of mystery keeps us interested. Your nymphomaniac past (how many boyfriends you’ve had, home videos you’ve starred in) is best kept as your little secret.
DO: Try to be uninhibited but remember it’s more important that you act and feel natural.
DON’T: Tell him you learnt to suppress your gag reflex.

THE MORNING AFTER
Try to avoid the ‘We’ve just had sex for the first time and it’s the morning after’ mistakes – such as telling him you’ve fallen in love with him. Breakfast in bed is out – go to a café. The morning-breath kiss is also a no-no. On the other hand, morning-after sex is in!
DO: Surprise him in the morning with some under-the-covers lovin’.
DON’T: Tell him you love him.

THE BAIL-OUT
So the sex thing didn’t quite happen or, if it did, it was horrible and short-lived, and you were thinking about work. You could try to sleep next to him or bail out. There’s nothing worse than waking up next to someone you never want to see again. True, you’re probably hating yourself for being there in the first place, and you’re undoubtedly giving yourself a hard time for thinking about escaping through the window. But it all adds up to a small amount of self-inflicted pain when compared with the horrific experience of being polite and hanging around.
DO: Find all your stuff – you don’t want to have to come back for your fave bangle.
DON’T: Hesitate. Get the hell out of there while you still can!


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Fri, 13 Sep 2013 12:00 +0200
SO You’re an Animal in Bed…But Which One? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/so-youre-an-animal-in-bedbut-which-one
THE DOLPHIN
YOU’RE:

• Playful: You love having fun in the bedroom and enjoy the excitement of foreplay as much as, if not more than, intercourse.
• Spontaneous: You don’t worry about tomorrow morning if you’re having a good time now.
• Caring: You enjoy having gentle sex with lots of cuddling and pillow talk.
Best position: the Balancing Act
The Balancing Act is ideal for this, according to Robert Page, UK sex expert. ‘Start with him sitting with his legs spread and you crouching above him,’ Page says. ‘Slide on to him, wrapping your legs around him. He then wraps his legs around you. Now you both hold hands and lean back, using each other’s weight to balance.’

THE TIGER
YOU’RE:

• In charge: You like to take control in the bedroom.
• Determined: You’re sure of what you want and don’t like guessing games.
• Passionate: Once you’re turned on, nothing can deflect you from your desire.
Best position: Girl-On-Top
Tiger sex is all about passion. Girl-On-Top is the ideal position, as you can dictate speed, depth and the intensity of intercourse.

THE SWAN
YOU’RE:

• Loving: The intimate act of sex has to be with someone you’re completely involved with.
• Poised: Elegant physical beauty is vital to you. You love to look good in every way – especially in your underwear.
• Sensitive: You like to feel secure, and are easily turned off if he says the wrong thing.
Best position: From-Behind
For swans, sex is all about beauty and closeness, so you enjoy positions that let you see each other. Making love from behind in front of the mirror is ideal.

THE CAT
YOU’RE:

• Seductive: You love the thrill of the chase almost as much as the sex itself.
• Touch-sensitive: The texture of clothing or the feeling of hair in your fingers turns you on as much as visual stimulation.
• Experimental: You constantly seek new thrills and love talking about your fantasies.
Best position: The Cowgirl
If you’re feeling energetic, try The Cowgirl. If you haven’t already, tie his hands together above his head, then straddle him.

THE DEER
YOU’RE:

• Shy: you won’t make the first move – you’d rather play a waiting game.
• Feminine: you respond to the strong, masculine type in terms of a partner. You like to be desired and seduced.
• Sensual: the sound of his voice and his scent are as important as the way he touches you.
Best position: Missionary
Deer enjoy classic poses, which make them feel loved and secure. Start by getting him to woo you by kissing you all over.

For more sex stories, click here 



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Tue, 10 Sep 2013 12:00 +0200
10 Steps To Self-Love Bliss http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/10-steps-to-self-love-bliss masturbating but as much as society has made people feel judged for masturbating, in other ways, we have become more sexually liberated because of it. COSMO shares 10 steps to help you enjoy masturbation.

1. Get Private
Lock the door, switch off your phone and make sure you won’t be interrupted.

2. Get Comfortable
Lie on your back on a bed or in the bath – wherever you feel most comfortable and in whatever lighting makes you feel sexiest.

3. Get Naked
Your body is covered in erogenous zones, and the more of these you stimulate the better it’ll feel.

4. Get Familiar
Get to know your genital anatomy.

5. Get Inspired
What turns you on? A fantasy? An erotic novel? A sexy movie? Use these to get in the mood.

6. Get Busy
Slowly, gently, start to touch yourself all over your body. Take note of places that cause a tingle, and return to them.

7. Get Lubricated
A water-based lube will make things nice and slippery.

8. Get To The Point
When you are ready, start playing with various parts of your vagina.

9. Get Creative
Experiment with different kinds of pleasure, speed and motion.

10. Get Accessories.

Enough said.

For more sex tips click here

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Thu, 29 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
What your sex rituals say about you http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-your-sex-rituals-say-about-you
YOU ONLY DO IT ON WEEKENDS
If you find yourself only indulging in sex on days that start with an ‘S’, don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re certainly not alone. This experience is something you want to give yourself over to without feeling it’s being slotted into a schedule – and weekends fit the bill perfectly. It’s also possible that you view sex as a treat to be savoured rather than a need requiring frequent sating. This isn’t a bad thing, as long as your partner’s needs are in sync with yours.

YOU OFTEN MAKE LOVE DRUNK
There are many couples who would admit that their bedroom romps become a little wilder after a cocktail or two. If sex isn’t quite as satisfying without a blood-alcohol reading that would prevent you from driving, you need to loosen up: something is holding you back from true sexual fulfilment. Remember, the only thing you should be intoxicated by in bed is your partner.

YOU ALWAYS SWITCH THE LIGHTS OFF
If this ritual stems from a fear that your partner will find your naked body unattractive we’ve got good news – no man views your cellulite/bum size/stomach as critically as you do. By insisting on making love with the lights off, you are depriving yourself of one of the primary sensual dimensions of sex: the sight of your intertwined bodies writhing and glistening.

YOU ALWAYS FOLLOW THE SAME SCRIPT
Does your lovemaking have a sense of choreographed routine to it? This is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, you should be quite proud that you’ve figured out a reliable way to float each other’s love boat. Change it up once in a while to keep things interesting.

For more sexy stories, click here 


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Tue, 27 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
Doing IT Your Way (part three) http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/doing-it-your-way-part-three
Cuddling
He Thinks men are taught girls are gentle, timid creatures (rather like Bambi’s mother) who mustn’t be frightened off before they get to mate. His sexual approach will often be the equivalent of holding out a handful of food and staying still. He’ll be gentle and tentative and spend a lot of time stroking your hair. The Reality that’s okay if you’re a traumatised victim of a woodland huntsman; otherwise, it’ll quickly bore the pants off you (or back on). All stroking and patting is nice for about five minutes, then the fantasies kick in. Brad Pitt in Fight Club, pinning you against a snooker table – not The Nicest Man Alive cuddling you into submission. Make It Great, if he’s a constant cuddler, suggest a little bondage. Once you’re tied up – even if he is stroking you all over – it’ll feel great because you’re powerless and he’s in control. Try to teach him not to say, ‘is this okay?’ every three minutes.

He’s Full Of Surprises
He Thinks he wants to give you a good time – and he doesn’t want you to think he’s not making an effort. Which is why he’s got a repertoire of positions, sex toys, tricks and tips. Going to bed with him is like a scientific experiment, and he is convinced you’ll never get bored. The Reality you’ll never enjoy yourself, either, because he’s so obsessed with his gadgets and gizmos, he’s somehow managed to remove every atom of pleasure from sex. If he flips you over again, you’re going to feel like a pancake – and, for some reason, that’s not very sexy. Make It Great pick your top-three favourite ‘experiments’: one position, one toy and one sex trick. Then tell him how much you love them. Encourage him to stick to a short programme, featuring only those three. He’ll be happy he’s pleasing you, you’ll have a great time and he still gets to have ‘exciting’ sex. Bless him.

He Loves Every Part Of You
He Thinks what women doesn’t want to have every part of her adored? How amazing to have a lover who actually wants to kiss and lick you all over, and isn’t repulsed by stretch marks or cellulite. Plus, he’s sure he should get double brownie points for venturing anywhere in their direction. The Reality what woman actually wants to lie there, counting the seconds, while her misguided partner licks his way around her wonky toes? Or lovingly squeezes her cellulite? Make It Great you really can’t make this one great. You just need to stop him. It doesn’t matter how terrific your self-esteem gets – it’s still no fun to have him patting your sagging love handles, murmuring ‘I think I’ll call them Binky and Winky’. Tell him these bits are out of bounds and signpost him directly to the bits you do enjoy having stroked.

For Doing IT Your Way (part one), click here
For Doing IT Your Way (part two), click here




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Fri, 23 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
Doing IT Your Way (part two) http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/doing-it-your-way-part-two- here for Part One.)

He’s Hung Like A Donkey

He Thinks Most men have no idea that the average woman prefers an average size – or else she runs the risk of feeling like she’s being impaled. So if he does have a large one, he imagines the harder he thrusts, the more nerve endings he’ll activate – and the more you’ll love it.
The Reality Unless he takes particular care to go gently, a huge penis whamming into your most delicate areas is going to result in nothing more than pain and internal bruising. And as for the idea that you might want to offer a blow job… hey, about as much as you’d like to swallow an entire leg of lamb.
Make It Great The way to use a big willy is to make sure you have tons of lubrication. And then it’s essential he goes really really slowly. He must slide in the tip, stretching the entrance a bit, before he inserts the rest, which gives you time to get used to the idea. If he can keep his thrusting pace slow and steady, it could be the best sex you ever have.

Talking Dirty
He Thinks that talking dirty is a really sexy thing to do. Women like communication, he reasons, and telling you crudely how much he wants it is bound to make you feel sexy and desirable.
The Reality Sometimes it’s very hard to relax when he’s yammering away in your ear like a porn star with no sense of humour.
Make It Great Decide what you’d like to hear, then simply feed him the lines: ‘Tell me how big my breasts are’ or ‘Am I the sexiest girl you’ve ever slept with?’ (Obviously, if he says no, it’s all over – but he won’t.) Or, if you really want him to shut up, give him something to suck. That usually does the trick.

Lots Of Foreplay
He Thinks that girls love kissing and boys love sex. So your basic, caring boy who loves you is going to make a massive effort when it comes to kissing – little, feathery ones; big, passionate, tongue-led ones; small, nibbly ones he once read about in a Hindu love guide – and you’re obviously going to be wild with joy.
The Reality Kissing’s great but, really, sometimes you just want to get off the teenage touchy-feely stuff and have a good, hard shagging session. The fact that, 20 minutes later, he’s still using his tongue to count your freckles is guaranteed to be less than orgasmic.
Make It Great Push him away playfully but firmly, and bury your face in his neck as you roll him into position on top of you. If you do this right, he won’t be able to get near your mouth, and there’ll be only one thing left to do – have sex.

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Wed, 21 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
The Seven Ingredients To Great Sex Pt 7 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-seven-ingredients-to-great-sex-pt-7
Well, yes, but…those lust hormones aren’t a given. Even if you started out boggle-eyed with desire for each other, that urge to rip off each other’s clothes can ebb away, leaving you both wondering what went wrong.

The truth is that there are seven ingredients you need to guarantee truly great sex. ‘If you don’t have all of them, you can still have good sex – just not great sex. And if you have none of them…well, let’s hope you can still be friends afterwards.

The X Factor
This is the mystery ingredient, otherwise known as ‘chemistry’ – the one true essential for great sex. If it’s not there, you can have competent, enjoyable, orgasmic sex – but it will never take you to earth-shattering heights. The X factor doesn’t just depend on how much you fancy each other – it’s possible to be sexually attracted initially and then go on to have disappointingly average sex. Chemistry happens when there’s a connection you just can’t explain – his slightest touch drives you wild. You don’t have to be in love. Hell, you don’t even have to know each other well – it’s just there or it isn’t.

Make It Work For You:
You can’t fake sexual chemistry. And you’ll know if it’s there from the first time you meet – mainly because sex will feel like the inevitable conclusion to any conversation you have. Actually, it’s rarely something that develops over time. If the X-factor isn’t there in the beginning it’s unlikely to appear over time, no matter how many sex manuals you plough through. And if you do have it, what are you waiting for? The X-factor is no guarantee of long-term happiness, but true X-factor sex will give you memories you’ll always look back on – with no regrets whatsoever.


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Sun, 18 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
Doing IT Your Way (part one) http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/doing-it-your-way-part-one-
Going Down On You

He Thinks everyone knows girls love oral sex, and if he is bothering to get down there, you should be orgasmically grateful. And, if he really gets stuck in with the licking, he should be scraping you off the ceiling right? Well…
The Reality oral sex can be marvellous. It can also be really quite dull, and an hour of lying there while he licks away in exactly the same place, like an obsessive dog, probably isn’t going to drive you wild.
Make It Great you’re going to have to communicate a bit with this one. Whisper, ‘That feels amazing – a bit lighter’ or ‘oh, oh, oh, up a bit!’ As long as you sound suitably breathless and delighted, he won’t notice you are basically being a traffic cop, directing him to a suitable junction. He’ll want to please you, so offer lot’s of praise and if all else fails, grasp his head and move it exactly where you want it.

Making Lurve

He Thinks all girls love a bit of romance. Eye-gazing and hand holding, he figures, are even better when they’re done during sex. So he murmurs, ‘you’re so special’ or ‘wow you are amazing.’ And he imagines you will melt at his words.
The Reality if you’re hopelessly in love, and drunk on alcopops that sort of sickly sweetness may turn you on, If not, there’s no faster turn-off than excess sincerity. It probably just makes you want to crack dirty jokes.
Make It Great there’s only one-way to deal with this: smile, press a finger to his lips and whisper, ‘sh. Show me, don’t tell me.’ As long as he is channelling all his adoration into, say, oral sex, you should be fine.

Amazing Staying Power

He Thinks women despise men who come to quickly, he reckons, and pounding away for half an hour is the way to drive you to orgasmic delight. He’s seen porn films (where they have to go on for hours or it would be a short film) and assumes because Helga the housewife is thrashing about in ecstasy after 40 minutes and nine positions, that’s how you will be too.
The Reality if you aren’t going to come through intercourse, it doesn’t matter how long he goes on. You’ll just get sore bits and numbness, possibly followed by cystitis. He’ll wonder why you aren’t gasping in delight and redouble his efforts. Ow.
Make It Great most women don’t reach orgasm through intercourse alone. This is where a vibrator comes in handy. Ideally, you need to be on top. Otherwise, lie at a slight angle underneath him, so you can put the vibrator on your clitoris as he thrusts. This will almost guarantee a quick orgasm – at which point, tell him you’re now so sensitive, you need him to come right away.



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Wed, 21 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
The Seven Ingredients To Great Sex Pt 4 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-seven-ingredients-to-great-sex-pt-4
Well, yes, but…those lust hormones aren’t a given. Even if you started out boggle-eyed with desire for each other, that urge to rip off each other’s clothes can ebb away, leaving you both wondering what went wrong.

The truth is that there are seven ingredients you need to guarantee truly great sex. ‘If you don’t have all of them, you can still have good sex – just not great sex. And if you have none of them…well, let’s hope you can still be friends afterwards.

Time Apart
When you’ve just fallen in love, the sex is usually pretty hot and you want to spend every minute with each other. But as the weeks go by, if you don’t spend time apart that togetherness can become claustrophobic – and that will negatively impact on your sex life. According to US psychotherapist Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity (Hodder & Stoughton), too much time together kills the mystery of sex and shrinks desire faster than a floor full of dirty socks. She recommends planning time without each other, keeping sexual fantasies private and cultivating your own interests. Then, when you do get together, your partner feels like an entirely separate person – not just a cuddly extension of yourself.

Make It Work For You:
If you’re living together (or as good as) and you’ve fallen into the trap of dumping your friends in favour of your bloke, it’s only a matter of time before all the kissing and cuddling gets boring. To stop the rot, enjoy some time out. Make an effort to see friends, revisit the gym and encourage him to do stuff without you, too. Everything apart from sex, obviously.

For ingredients part 1, click here 
For ingredients part 2, click here
For ingredients part 3, click here

For more sex stories, click here 


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Mon, 12 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
The Seven Ingredients To Great Sex Pt 5 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-seven-ingredients-to-great-sex-pt-5
Well, yes, but…those lust hormones aren’t a given. Even if you started out boggle-eyed with desire for each other, that urge to rip off each other’s clothes can ebb away, leaving you both wondering what went wrong.

The truth is that there are seven ingredients you need to guarantee truly great sex. ‘If you don’t have all of them, you can still have good sex – just not great sex. And if you have none of them…well, let’s hope you can still be friends afterwards.

Eye Contact
It’s remarkable how little eye contact most couples make one they get past the first flush of passion. Not only does eye contact keep you connected outside the bedroom, in bed it can turn ordinary sex into amazing sex, because that’s when nonverbal communication is important. Eye contact can also boost production of the ‘bonding hormone’ oxytocin for both of you, and add an extra dimension of tenderness and intimacy. And, according to a study at the universities of Stirling an Aberdeen in Scotland, a direct gaze boosts your attractiveness to the opposite sex outside of bed too, by up to eight times. That’s got to be worth a lingering look.

Make It Work For You:
If you’re shy, make eye contact into a game. Try an erotic ‘staring contest’ or challenge him to keep his eyes open during sex. The more you look, the more intimacy you’ll develop – and the best sex happens when your bodies and minds are equally engaged.

For ingredients part 1, click here 
For ingredients part 2, click here
For ingredients part 3, click here
For ingredients part 4, click here 

For more sex stories, click here 


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Mon, 12 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
The Seven Ingredients To Great Sex Pt 3 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-seven-ingredients-to-great-sex-pt-3
Well, yes, but…those lust hormones aren’t a given. Even if you started out boggle-eyed with desire for each other, that urge to rip off each other’s clothes can ebb away, leaving you both wondering what went wrong.

The truth is that there are seven ingredients you need to guarantee truly great sex. ‘If you don’t have all of them, you can still have good sex – just not great sex. And if you have none of them…well, let’s hope you can still be friends afterwards.


Sense of Humour
Anyone who’s ever written a dating profile knows the value of ‘GSOH’. The same is true in the bedroom. When it comes to sex, sharing a sense of humour is crucial. Having him talk dirty, for instance, can be a cringe-fest if you’re sniggering inside. As can baby voices, twee nicknames, self-conscious role-playing…you get the picture. Knowing you find the same things ridiculous means you’ll never be trapped beneath him as he solemnly whispers, ‘Grip my truncheon with your love box.’ This is good. Any women who says, ‘He’s really attractive, he just hasn’t got a sense of humour’ is kidding herself.

Make It Work For You:
The basic test is this: if you didn’t fancy him, would you still want to be his friend? Listen to his jokes, swap funny observations, make him laugh with your Scrubs impressions. You won’t be doing this mid-sex, but if you’re on the same wavelength, the sex will be harmonious. Plus any dirty talk will be strictly sexy rather than unwittingly hilarious. And you’ll know whether or not you share a sense of humour after just one date – and in some cases a lot sooner!

For the first ingredient, click here,
For the second ingredient, click here 

For more sex stories, click here

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Mon, 12 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
The Seven Ingredients To Great Sex Pt 2 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-seven-ingredients-to-great-sex-pt-2
Well, yes, but…those lust hormones aren’t a given. Even if you started out boggle-eyed with desire for each other, that urge to rip off each other’s clothes can ebb away, leaving you both wondering what went wrong.

The truth is that there are seven ingredients you need to guarantee truly great sex. ‘If you don’t have all of them, you can still have good sex – just not great sex. And if you have none of them…well, let’s hope you can still be friends afterwards.

Limited Time
If you have any experience of porn films (watching them, not starring in them!), you’ll know that, apparently, great sex lasts for hours. Most female viewers will think, ‘Ouch, that’s got to be giving her cystitis.’ And they’d be right – because the best sex is not the all-night marathon. In fact, it lasts between just seven and 13 minutes. A major US study recently found that anything longer than three minutes was fine for most women (and men), while anything approaching a quarter of an hour became tiresome. So you might want to point out to him that, actually, it really is quality not quantity that counts.

Make It Work For You:
Most men think longer means better, and most women don’t know how to say, ‘Er, that’s starting to hurt.’ But just reducing the time you spend having sex could dramatically improve your sex life, so try a hand job or blow job while he uses his fingers or a vibrator on you. Then, when you’re both worked up, get on top of him so you’re in control. That way, when he gasps ‘I’m about to …,’ you can say ‘Good!’ and redouble your efforts.

For the the first ingredient, click here
For more sex stories, click here 



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Mon, 12 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
The Seven Ingredients To Great Sex Pt 6 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-seven-ingredients-to-great-sex-pt-6
Well, yes, but…those lust hormones aren’t a given. Even if you started out boggle-eyed with desire for each other, that urge to rip off each other’s clothes can ebb away, leaving you both wondering what went wrong.

The truth is that there are seven ingredients you need to guarantee truly great sex. ‘If you don’t have all of them, you can still have good sex – just not great sex. And if you have none of them…well, let’s hope you can still be friends afterwards.

Cash
Nobody’s saying you can’t have good sex with a cash-strapped boyfriend, but a recent study found that women who have sex with rich men have more orgasms. Honestly. ‘Women’s orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner,’ says Dr Thomas Pollet, a psychologist at Newcastle University in the UK. Picking a man with security offers an evolutionary advantage for settling down, he says. It may simply be that rich guys are more confident when it comes to closing deals and caressing clitorises. Either way, choosing sexual partners by income is depressing…but, hey, you can’t fight science!

Make It Work For You:
Actually, this isn’t necessarily about income but about feeling secure. And it’s no surprise that women who assume their guy is good father material will relax more in bed. (This has nothing to do with whether you actually want kids – it’s just nature at work.) So you don’t need a sugar daddy to up your orgasm quota, you just need to make sure your partner is confident and committed – to you and to your orgasm.

For ingredients part 1, click here 
For ingredients part 2, click here
For ingredients part 3, click here
For ingredients part 4, click here 
For ingredients part 5. click here 

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Mon, 12 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
The Seven Ingredients To Great Sex Pt 1 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-seven-ingredients-to-great-sex-pt-1
Well, yes, but…those lust hormones aren’t a given. Even if you started out boggle-eyed with desire for each other, that urge to rip off each other’s clothes can ebb away, leaving you both wondering what went wrong.

The truth is that there are seven ingredients you need to guarantee truly great sex. ‘If you don’t have all of them, you can still have good sex – just not great sex. And if you have none of them…well, let’s hope you can still be friends afterwards.

Compatible Scents
Obviously it’s not ideal if you reek of eau de Katie Price and he still uses the Brut he liked when he first started shaving. But what really matters is whether your natural scents – pheromones – are compatible. Sometimes a guy can be freshly showered and buffed to a sheen, but you still think he smells…funny. Studies show that couples with similar DNA are predisposed to avoid each other sexually, for fear of breeding genetically weak children. So some guys, who you wouldn’t think of as your type, exert a strange sexual power – because their scent is different enough from yours to ensure healthy offspring.

Make It Work For You:
You’ll know when you rest your head on his chest if the scent from his armpits sends lust around your body. If your first though is ‘Hey, he smells just like my dad did in1992,’ you may need to make your excuses and leave. Research suggests that his sexual-scent syndrome only kicks in during full-on flirtation. An experiment at Rice University in Texas in the US found that women responded with increased brain activity to a man’s sexual arousal’ sweat, while ‘ordinary’ sweat made no difference whatsover. (Funny, that!) So, get him to leave his deodorant off before you sleep with him – you could save yourself a lot of time (and ho-hum sex).

For more sex stories, click here 


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Mon, 12 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
What Men Want In Bed http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-men-want-in-bed
The brief was clear and straightforward – just like a man wants it. ‘Find out what South African men in their 20s and 30s want from their women. Sexually. Specifically, what exactly do men want in bed, what do women not do enough of, and what do women think feels good for guys that guys don’t particularly enjoy?’

Here are the short answers: blow jobs, blow jobs, and cuddling. Next story please…

Before you think I’m kidding about, let me assure you that virtually every man I spoke to not only agreed with this answer but usually pre-empted it (almost word for word on occasion).

Everyone mentioned oral sex at some point, while ‘cuddling’ and ‘post-coital banter’ also frequently came up. In time, other points also arose and once I’d filtered out the sheer unfeasible male fantasies – daily threesomes and so on – some common themes began to emerge.

Note: these pointers apply to sex in a relationship of some kind. I wouldn’t advise issuing blow jobs to every guy you meet.

Getting Started
First things first. Men love sex – we all know this – but men want you to love having sex too. After all, if we do have one insecurity it’s a concern about our sexual prowess and whether or not we satisfy you, so make sure your man knows that he blows your mind. You don’t need to reassure him every day, but throw it in there occasionally: as he’s going down on you, in an SMS out of the blue, after you’ve just shagged each other’s brains out. Whenever.

And show him. Traditionally men initiate sex. It’s an extension of our hunter role and we’re cool with that most of the time but nothing makes a guy happier than your unexpected hand down his pants or a soft word in his ear as you tell him how much you’ve been aching for him all day. Whether it’s initiating sex days in advance (I’m dying for a dirty weekend away’) or before you get up in the morning (he won’t mind if you wake him, really), he’ll be a happier guy for it.

A word of warning: avoid promising sex and then not following through. Your man may be forgetful at times but when it comes to scheduled booty appointments he’s got the memory of an elephant. A randy elephant.

First Impressions
Lingerie is good. You may not always think so when your expensive bra ends up in the corner 10 seconds after he’s got your top off, but it is. So splash out. If you’re worried about getting your money’s worth make sure he knows what you’ve got beforehand – and tell him at a particularly inappropriate moment. Or, better yet, give him a glimpse. If you’re not sure what he likes, ask. Some guys like skimpy G-strings and nothing else; others want the whole shebang. Shopping for lingerie is also a turn-on.

When he gets you home and into the bedroom, check your body-conscious issues at the door. One of the reasons your man is going out with you is that he thinks you’re hot. He wants to have sex with you. Stressing about your imaginary fat roll or a teeny but of cellulite is not particularly attractive – and, besides, he’s focusing on your good points, not your bad points.

When those lacy panties do finally come off it’s time to follow the American’s lead…Bush is out and it’s unanimous: guys prefer well-groomed pussies. The ‘bald-eagle’ is a common request, though smooth-down-below/trimmed-on-top will exponentially increase your chances of your man going down on you.

A rather obvious-sounding note that seems necessary to add, given the stories out there: when it comes to ‘feminine hygiene’, do not shirk.

Getting Down
Toys, oils, mutual masturbation, masturbating while he watches, dirty talk of varying levels…Obviously it’s different strokes (as it were) but these are all common foreplay (and sex) requests. Interestingly, there were no complaints about spending too much time on foreplay. Guys are like women in this respect: they like to mix up longer and shorter sex sessions with the odd quickie here and there – just as long as you remember that we, being guys, are penis focused, which is to say that your man can handle an hour of foreplay just fine as long as you acknowledge his penis at regular intervals. Touching, stroking, caressing, licking – the options to spice up your massage or tickle or striptease are numerous. Even let him enter you briefly before carrying on with what you were doing. As long as you can tease him all night, he’ll be sure to return the favour.

Blowing His Mind
The foreplay rule applies on a smaller scale when you’re going down on him: by all means prolong a blow job by paying attention to his stomach, thighs, balls and the base of his shaft – you’ll drive him up the wall – but break it up with increasingly drawn-out visits to the head of his penis, where his pleasure receptors are focused.

We’re getting ahead of ourselves here, however. The thing to remember when it comes to blow jobs is – as we established earlier – more, more, more! It’s a cliché because it’s true: guys can’t get enough oral sex. Exact technique is something you can work out with your man. All you need to remember for the time being is to avoid using your teeth – even as a joke (it’s just not funny, I’m afraid) – and then do it as often as possible. Wake him up with a blow job, put him to sleep with a blow job. On the couch, in the car, unexpected, pre-planned, 69er…You get maximum points every time.

If swallowing is a big issue don’t let it stop you. Most guys probably would prefer it but we’re not unaware of your dilemma. Your man would far, far rather you spat – even on him if necessary – than forego his special treat. So swallow when you can and spit the rest of the time.

The Home Run
If you’ve had any combination of the above advice going by the time you get to the actual sex, you’re going to end up with a very satisfied man no matter what you do at this point. But, for a 100% effort, you can always go the extra mile.

Try out different positions. Get out of the bedroom. Scream when it’s really good – or at least gasp loudly. Tell him you want to break a record (most times in a night, most times in an hour…). Try anal sex if you dare – although, again we understand the reluctance, and we don’t want you fiddling with our out-holes, thank you very much. Find out what your man’s favourite position is – probably doggy – and initiate it more often.

And, finally, a couple of don’ts. Don’t get too scratchy on him; nails in the back are just annoying. And don’t fake your orgasm; just tell him you want to feel him come. He’ll get that it’s time to finish…which means it’s time for the dreaded cuddling…

Look, we don’t mind it that much but there’s something wonderfully somnolent about the male orgasm. It truly is the best sleeping pill ever invented. So just let him fall asleep, then you can cuddle right up to him all night.

For more sex stories, click here 



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Mon, 05 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
Week At The Knees http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/week-at-the-knees MONDAY
After dinner, tell him dessert’s in the kitchen… then hop onto the counter and tell him to take you, ‘Here, now!’. Bonus: you could spank him with a spatula.

TUESDAY
Invite him to watch a DVD with you and surprise him by playing something racy. He’ll be delighted to find it’s more porn than yawn.

WEDNESDAY
Ask him to lie naked on his stomach, then drip wax from a soy candle down his back and on his bum. The sensation will make him hot for you.

THURSDAY
Tell him you’re driving and then find a safe, secluded spot to park, recline his seat all the way back, and climb on top of him. He’ll be so glad you gave him a ride!

FRIDAY
E-mail him a list of five naughty things you want to do later and invite him to do the same. By the time you get together, it won’t be only the weekend that’s coming…

SATURDAY
Bet on whatever game is on. The winner gets anything he or she wants in bed afterwards. You both score!

SUNDAY
Lounge around wearing nothing but your sexiest underwear and see how long the Sunday papers keep his attention…You could make some headlines of your own!

For more sex stories, click here 



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Mon, 05 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
Haven't ever tried a sex toy? No? 5 earth-moving reasons you should http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/havent-ever-tried-a-sex-toy-no-5-earth-moving-reasons-you-should Orgasms are good for you! A surge in "The cuddle hormone," oxytocin, has been shown not only to reduce stress abut also to keep your "lady bits" healthy. "Orgasms cause blood to rush to the genital tissue, keeping it supple and refreshed," says Lou Paget, author of the best selling "The Big O." Some experts even believe that if you have an orgasm during menstruation, it can help protect against endemetriosis, a potentially dangerous uterine condition that can lead to infertility. Orgasms can also help you sleep better and even lose weight. Experts recommend you have at least one orgasm a week, but you can't always have a partner on tap. A high-quality sex toy will never let you down! Best toy for guaranteed orgasm : The HoneyHoney Bunny Bunny (toy number 1)

Knowledge is power! If you explore and experiment with a sex toy while you are alone, you will get to know your own body in ways that you just cannot when someone else is around. You will then be able to guide your partner to pleasure you (and him or herself) better, with or without the assistance of toys. Best toy for learning what works for your body: The Sweet Tilt Wireless Remote Vibe (toys number 2)

Hang-ups have no place in your bed. Feelings of shyness and shame women might feel around pleasuring ourselves, can be inhibiting. The more relaxed you are, the more you can allow your mind to drift towards fantasy and pleasure and the more you will enjoy sex. Sometimes, being alone gives us the space to fantasise, to concentrate only on seeking out our own pleasure, without fear of judgment or consequence. Try waterproof toys in the privacy and sensual calm of the bath and discover things about your pleasure centres you never knew before. Best toy for the bath: The Hedone Dual-Action Vibe (toy number 4)



Sex toys can add excitement and adventure to your relationship: Let's face it. Even the hottest sexual chemistry can sometimes cool down. Same old positions, same old build up, same result? Introduce some spicy toys that both you, and your partner can enjoy together ( cock rings, bullets, remote controlled toys, for example, ) and you both will be blown-away by the results. The extra stimulation can enhance both of your orgasms and add a dimension of fun and play that can refresh even the most weary sex life. Best toy for couples to enjoy together : The Cocktastic Vibrator Ring (number 5) or take the couples play to the bathtub and use toy no.2!

Quickies have their place! Sex toys can do the job in a flash, if time is short. And when time is short it can be human nature to put off sex, as it becomes "just another thing on the "to do list" and "a chore." A quickie can ensure that you don't miss out on the benefits of a great, satisfying orgasm, no matter how hectic the demands on you (or your Partner,) may be. Sometimes, when the excitement of a quickie is just what you're looking for, manual methods (and men!) can be unreliable. Sex toys such as My Buddy Buddy Vibe (toy number 6) and The Hedone 10-out-of-10 Vibe are specially designed for the ultimate bang, in the shortest possible time (number 3). 

Buy any of these fabulous sex toys from www.honeyhoney.co.za

For more sex stories, click here
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Thu, 01 Aug 2013 12:00 +0200
Don't Restrain Yourself http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/dont-restrain-yourself
Tip: Use the time to take charge and please your partner while he/she is tied up and begging for your loving. Make things extra naughty and intimate by blind folding your lover, leaving only the senses of touch, hearing and taste to dominate. Sensual, sexy, daring and passionate.

See more from HoneyHoney at: http://honeyhoney.co.za/blog
Read more sex stories here, and sex positions here.

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Thu, 04 Jul 2013 12:00 +0200
How To Have Great Phone Sex! http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/how-to-have-great-phone-sex Step 1: Take Notes
If you’re not used to it, jot down notes so you’ll never be at a loss for words.

Step 2: Calm Yourself
Take some deep breaths before dialling so you’ll sound relaxed and confident.

Step 3: Describe Yourself
If you’re talking to a man, paint an alluring picture of what you’re wearing or not wearing, even if the truth is you’re actually in takkies.

Step 4: Become Graphic
Become progressively graphic, ending by using the crudest words you can think of.

Step 5: Be Specific
Be as specific as you can. Don’t say, ‘I’m so hot for you.’ Instead, describe the physical manifestations of your lust.

Step 6: Make It Personal
Refer to your partner’s unique physical attributes and erotic preferences so the dirty talk doesn’t sound generic.

Step 7: Make It Mutual
Listen to your partner and adapt your dirty talk to theirs. It should be a mutual conversation rather than two separate monologues. Take cues from each other.

Step 8: Get Physical
Add sound effects. Let the person hear what you are doing to your body in response to their naughty suggestions and commands. Keep up the grunts, moans and groans.

Step 9: Get Off… The Phone
After you’ve both (hopefully) climaxed, end the call. The post-coital glow of phone sex is best enjoyed alone.
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Mon, 01 Jul 2013 12:00 +0200
The Secret To Intensifying An Orgasm http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-secret-to-intensifying-an-orgasm For Your Orgasm

Try to relax and breathe. ‘Oxygen gets your blood pumping, and that’s what drives orgasms,’ Lou Paget, author of Orgasms: How To Have Them, Give Them, Keep Them Coming (Three Rivers Press) explains. ‘The more oxygen you take in, the stronger and longer your climax will be.’ Inhale and exhale evenly (it’s natural for your breathing to speed up), and resist holding your breath.

Interrupt your orgasm for a split second will also help draw it out. ‘Have him pause for just half a beat and then resume whatever he was doing,’ Bodanksy instructs. ‘Your climax will hold steady for a moment and then it will start again even more intensely.’

Your pelvic muscles automatically convulse during orgasm. Extend those feel-good contractions by deliberately squeezing and releasing your pelvic floor muscles (they’re the one’s you use to stop the flow of urine) several times in a row as soon as you begin to peak. ‘This encourages further orgasmic ripples, keeping the effect going for longer than usual,’ Kerner explains.

For His Orgasm

When he’s about to climax during manual stimulation or oral sex, place the thumb of one hand over the head of his penis, and wrap the thumb and index finger of your other hand around the base. Squeeze for a second. ‘Your holding him back and also trapping the blood in his penis,’ Kerner says. ‘When you let go, he’ll start coming again even stronger.’

You probably intuitively speed up your movements when heading towards orgasm. Instead, try to progressively slow down and, if you’re stimulating him with your hand or tongue, make sure you lighten your touch when he begins to climax. ‘This prolongs the ejaculatory phase,’ Steve Bodansky says.

Flexing your pelvic floor muscles will lengthen his orgasm lifespan too. So during intercourse, rhythmically clench and relax your pelvic muscles as he’s coming. ‘Feeling you tighten around him magnifies each contraction, eking out every last ounce of pleasure for him,’ Kerner explains.
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Thu, 20 Jun 2013 12:00 +0200
Tips That Heighten Arousal http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/tips-that-heighten-arousal-pg1

Fully explore each other’s erogenous zones rather than zeroing in on the bull’s-eye right away. Lingering on the surrounding areas boost flow, which increases arousal and sensitivity. It also enhances anticipation so that when you finally do turn your full attention to the genitals, they’re more responsive.

Stroke his inner thighs, pull gently his pubic hair, or brush against his package while kissing. You can also tantalise him by kissing and licking from his lips down his chest and abs, pulling away when you’re about to reach his penis.

When he’s pleasuring you, ask him to swirl his tongue around your breasts, moving in tighter circles as he approaches your nipples. Another option is to have him hold a finger above your clitoris and tell you how he’s going to stroke it before making contact. This heightens your awareness of the spot and makes you crave his touch.



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Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:00 +0200
Have Better Sex Tonight http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/have-better-sex-tonight-pg1

Saying nothing – or worse, pretend-moaning – will make him think everything’s hunky-dory in the boudoir. Remember, men are not the vocal creatures women are, and he’s not likely to bring up the topic of sex unless you go there first. Don’t be scared of offending him – if you do it nicely, he’ll appreciate the opportunity to make you happy.

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Fri, 31 May 2013 12:00 +0200
Telltale Sex Signs http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/telltale-sex-signs
Touching
Extended touching is very intimate behaviour that will enhance your connection. If your partner is touching your face, neck or hands, you’re more likely to be making love.

Extended Eye Contact
Gazing at each other – not only when you’re having sex, but also when you’re lying in bed, or engaging in foreplay – shows depth to the relationship.

Kissing
If you’re having sex without kissing, there’s probably something wrong.

Time
Is it all about sex? If your partner leaves immediately – or soon after – sex, then it’s probably all he’s interested in. But if you’re lolling about in bed for an hour afterwards, or engaging in a lot of foreplay, then it’s closer to making love.

Alcohol
How often do you have sober sex? If the answer is ‘rarely’ or ‘never’, you should think about how that’s affecting your relationship.

Attention
Are you satisfied with your sex life? Does your partner pay attention to what you like and dislike? If not, the experience is more about him than about you as a couple.
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Fri, 07 Jun 2013 12:00 +0200
Sex Myths Debunked http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-myths-debunked-pg1

Wrong. Unlike the movies, sex is not always going to ‘work’ first time round – you’re nervous, you don’t know each other’s bodies, and you both probably have unrealistic expectations. Give it time. If you really like him but there’s something he does that you hate, wait a little until you feel comfortable enough to talk about it. Often, the best sex comes with time and practice.

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Fri, 24 May 2013 12:00 +0200
What His #1 Sex Style Reveals http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-his-1-sex-style-reveals-pg1

Dirty talk, sultry eye contact, his hands all over you: ‘A guy who prefers this kind of sex picks up emotional nuances more readily than most,’ says Dr Belisa Vranich, coauthor of Dating the Older Man (Adams Media).

There’s one caveat: ‘If he views making love as one of the things he does best and doesn’t feel competent in other areas, issues could arise,’ says Dr Christopher Blazina, author of The Secret Lives of Men (HCI). If your libido dips (say you’re tired), it could be a blow to his self-esteem. Tell him that you are not horny but still consider him a sex genius.



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Thu, 23 May 2013 12:00 +0200
When You Shouldn’t Shag Him http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/when-you-shouldnt-shag-him-pg1
He might be a dead-ringer for Jason Derulo, but if he’s been with your buddy, consider him off-limits. As much as their relationship might be over, there are always a few leftover feelings, and getting it on with him is going to hurt her. Tempting as it might be, don’t go there.
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Fri, 17 May 2013 12:00 +0200
How to Give Great Head http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/how-to-give-great-head-pg1
Grabbing his member and making like an industrial vacuum cleaner will scare him more than thrill him. The trick is to go in slow, using your tongue to start off with and building up to more friction later. Not sure how? Use the same moves you would if you were licking an ice cream cone.
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Fri, 10 May 2013 12:00 +0200
Turn Him Into The Orgasm Whisperer http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/turn-him-into-the-orgasm-whisperer-pg1 Mastering Multiple-Position Sex (Quiver). And because you're wetter, your partner will feel more confident, which will inspire him to try new moves and positions.

That's just the beginning. Here, find out why this liquid accessory should always be within reach of your bed.

In an ideal world, your body would provide enough natural lubricant to keep you slick from the moment he slides his hand between your legs to that last frenzied moment of intercourse. Unfortunately, that's just not likely. 'There's a myth out there that if a woman is completely aroused, she'll get really wet and stay that way,' says sex therapist Debra Macleod, author of Lube Jobs: A Woman's Guide to Great Maintenance Sex (Tarcher). But the fact is that you can be turned on and either not get wet enough or even experience desert-like conditions down south.'

The reason: Things like medications or being slightly dehydrated can prevent you from getting moist. Or your body may simply not be able to produce lubrication at a fast enough rate to keep up with the action. And if you're not wet enough, penetration will start to - ouch¬ - chafe. But adding lube doesn't just prevent sex from hurting; it also helps the two of you maintain the steady rhythm most women need to orgasm. 'When you're wet, he can thrust continuously, and it's easier for him to vary the speed,' says Macleod. 'That extra stimulation will help build sexual tension and bring you to climax.'
 


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Fri, 03 May 2013 12:00 +0200
Letting Go In Bed http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/letting-go-in-bed-pg1 Love Skills (Aphrodite Media). We'll show you how to throw yourself full-throttle into the action.

It's hard to be unbridled in bed when you're worried about jiggly thighs, squooshy sex noises and whether your man is enjoying himself. To be fully present in the encounter, you have to get into a no-stress, thought-free zone by minimising mood-killing distractions. 'Turn down the lights so you're not as body-conscious, unplug the phone to avoid interruption, and pop in soft music that will inspire your sexual side,' says love coach Dr Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night and Talk to Him in the Morning (Amorata Press).

Then, get in the right mindset by focusing solely on all the sensations. 'Think about how he feels inside you, visualise him going in and out and rubbing against you,' says Spurr. 'Not only will it help you get into a rhythm with your man, but it'll also make the sex more of a physical, tactile experience rather than a psychological one.'
 


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Fri, 26 Apr 2013 12:00 +0200
5 Things You Didn't Know About The O http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/5-things-you-didnt-know-about-the-o-pg1

Contrary to what you might think, your sex life actually improves as you get older - specifically how often you reach orgasm, and how mind-blowing the sensation is. This has nothing to do with your body and everything to do with being sexually experienced, being in a relationship where you trust your partner and knowing what does it for you. So, your boobs might get droopier, but with all that great sex, who cares?


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Fri, 12 Apr 2013 12:00 +0200
Never Lose an Orgasm Again http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/never-lose-an-orgasm-again-pg1 this close to reaching O-zone, when all of a sudden, it just slips away. Well, we've got a bedroom trick that practically guarantees an almost-there orgasm won't escape your grasp. Whether you require some extra stimulation throughout the whole sex session or only at that pinnacle moment, touching yourself south-of-the-border can send you over the edge. 'Research shows that most women need to be pleasured manually either before or during intercourse to have an orgasm,' says Dr Laura Berman, author of The Passion Prescription (Hyperion). And because you know how your body works better than your guy does, he can't do the job quite as well as you can.

At first, it might feel kind of weird stroking your down-there terrain in front of a guy, but think about it this way - men do whatever it takes to have a mind-blowing orgasm and you should too. 'It also takes the pressure off because it's not totally up to him to ensure you climax,' says Michael Bader, author of Arousal (St. Martin's Griffin). Read on to get into the right pleasure zone, and copy some specific - and very gratifying - ways to give yourself a hand.

Getting Mentally Primed
Yes, we hear you. Before you become the she-master of manual stimulation, there's that little stumbling block: Your guy is watching. 'Many women aren't comfortable masturbating in front of their men at first,' says Bader. 'Because you usually enjoy solo pleasure in private, it's normal to feel vulnerable when you have an audience.'

But really, there are easy tricks to overcoming your nervousness. For starters, get used to 'being watched.' By touching yourself alone at home in front of a hand-held or standing mirror. Slide on top of the covers, get into an open position, and watch as you completely let go and surrender to the sensations. When you realise you don't look weird doing it - in fact, it'll probably dawn on you that you look pretty hot - it'll be that much more natural to let your hands wander in front of your man.

Once you're actually in bed with him, there's another way to put yourself at ease: Close your eyes while doing the deed and pretend you're alone while stroking yourself.

Making Your Man Feel Included
When you start becoming more comfortable going south in front of your guy, it raises an interesting question: Are you leaving him out of the equation? 'You may think by concentrating on your pleasure you're ignoring your man's enjoyment or making him feel like he can't get the job done,' says Bader. 'But the truth is, men are visual creatures and are incredibly stimulated by watching you stroke and caress your body.' So, no guilt necessary. Besides, you're not just giving your guy a tantalising show, you're also inviting him in on the action.

Another inclusive strategy is to say while doing the deed, 'I want you to watch me touch myself,' so that he feels like your partner in pleasure. Once you've gotten him excited to watch, it's time to try out your moves.

Hand-tastic Touch Techniques

When you're both sitting on the bed, wrap your legs around your man's torso so you're locked together. Run your fingers through his hair, then across his neck, chest and abs. Then slide your hand onto your stomach and down until you reach your clitoris and touch your lips to his. 'Kissing him as you start to pleasure yourself will intensify the intimacy,' says Berman.

 
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Fri, 19 Apr 2013 12:00 +0200
His Secret Spots http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/his-secret-spots-pg1 foreplay. You can take sex to a whole new level if you spend a little more time on the special spots even he doesn’t know about. Learn how to push your man’s pleasure buttons with these simple techniques that will have him begging you for more, says Bella Rouge owner, Jenni Holdsworth.

The prostate gland, also known as the male G-spot, is usually only accessible through the anal canal or by pressing pretty firmly on the perineum (the area between your partner’s scrotum and his anus). Stimulating or ‘milking’ the prostate gland during sex will heighten his sexual pleasure, and may even cause him to have an orgasm immediately. An orgasm with prostate stimulation is incredibly powerful and is often considered the best. Try using a very small anal sex toy to stimulate his prostate gland during a blowjob, or you can use a finger if that is more comfortable for him. Remember to use lots of lube!


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Fri, 05 Apr 2013 12:00 +0200
Super Sex Boosters http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/super-sex-boosters-pg1 302 Advanced Techniques for Driving a Man Wild in Bed (Harmony).

That's why you have to keep your (and his) body stimulated by weaving in new manoeuvres before, during, and after sex. 'Just one surprising touch can instantly re-energise your senses,' explains St Claire. Whip out these small, yet powerful tweaks to intensify and extend pleasure… and then have a blast coming up with your own.

Slowly lick each of his nipples and then blow air on them.
Instead of regular standing sex, do it in the kitchen in front of an open freezer. The chilly sensation on your naked back juxtaposed with the warmth of his body will give you a rush.
Pop two damp washcloths in the fridge pre-sex. When you're all hot and sweaty afterward, drape them over each other's skin for a cool down.
During foreplay, rub your hands together briskly for several seconds to heat them up, and then massage his thighs in gentle circles. Your hot palms will loosen up his muscles… and turn him on.
While you're both naked before doing the deed, lie on your back in bed, pull up the sheet, and let him grind you with just the thin piece of cloth separating you. It traps the body heat and will make you want each other unbelievably badly.
After sex, lead him into the shower and let the warm water spill over you. Post-orgasm, your skin is very sensitive, so the pressure of the water is electrifying.


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Fri, 22 Mar 2013 12:00 +0200
Get Him To Go There http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/get-him-to-go-there-pg1
Follow these five tactics to get the pleasure you desire.

Telling your guy that you want more oral is a catch-22: Make too big a deal out of it and he may conclude he comes up short in the sack, explains marriage and family therapist, Dr Jane Greer. But if you beat around the, ahem, bush, he may not get the message at all. So when he presses his body against yours to signal he's ready for the main event, whisper, 'I'd be really heated up if you'd kiss me down below first.' This assures him that his current moves satisfy you but shows you have one other need you'd like him to address.


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Fri, 15 Mar 2013 12:00 +0200
Fascinating Facts About Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/fascinating-facts-about-sex-pg1 Bella Rouge, relays some fun facts about getting down and dirty.

In Victorian times, a prostitute was referred to as a 'blowsy' due to the fact that 'blow' was slang for ejaculation. Consequently, by the 1930s, the act of fellatio came to be known as a 'blow job'. In Ancient Greece, the common slang for a blow job was 'playing the flute.'


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Fri, 01 Mar 2013 12:00 +0200
Secrets Of Male Arousal http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/secrets-of-male-arousal-pg1
Since we're sure you want to make that happen, we've spelled out a few things you might not know about male pleasure. Once you clue in to these sexual truths, you'll be able to satisfy him like never before.

You know your G-spot is a pleasure minefield. But did you realise that he's blessed with a hidden moan zone of his own? It's his prostate, a chestnut-size gland located under the bladder, at the base of his penis. And the male G-spot can be stroked before intercourse. Just give him a hand job with a twist: Wrap your palm around the top of his erect penis and press down, as if you trying to sink his shaft into his pelvis, says sexologist, Dr Carol Queen. Doing so causes the spongy tissue in his penis to rub against his prostate. 'Pressing on those nerves can mimic the sensations he experiences during deep thrusting sex,' says Queen.


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Fri, 08 Mar 2013 12:00 +0200
The Best Sex Apps http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-best-sex-apps-pg1

Tired of being told you never have sex? With this app you can prove your guy wrong with a simple flash of your phone. This calendar has cute little icons that allow you to record when and how you felt the love - lips signify kissing and cuddling; an 'O' stands for oral, while a heart means he got the real deal. Not only does this app allow you to remind him he's actually doing quite well in the sex stakes, it also lets you see when things are lagging due to work pressures, stress or an overly active social life - and rectify the situation.


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Fri, 22 Feb 2013 12:00 +0200
Spice Up Your Sex Life http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/spice-up-your-sex-life-pg1 Sex Recharge (William Morrow Paperbacks). 'But, like you, a guy needs to feel like you want him so badly, you're restraining yourself from tearing off his clothes.' And that requires more than getting on top (though that's a great idea). It's the little things that convey how horny you are for him - think: pressing your body against his, or whispering naughty things - that take sex from good to never been better. Now that you know, check out this list for sexy ways to give him that need-you-now rush.

Call him and ask what he's up to. As he's talking, casually interrupt and mention that you're in bed touching yourself and thinking of him. If you're not cool with letting him listen in on your ritual, no actual self-stimulation is required - just a little heavy breathing and telling him you can't wait to have his hands all over you will do the trick.

When you're out in public, press your chest into his back so it looks like you're just giving him a playful hug from behind. Then subtly rub your breasts and pelvis against him for several lingering seconds.

Write him a note describing, in detail a hot time you two hooked up. Make the last line read, 'Think we can top that tonight?' and leave it for him to spot where he'll discover it randomly, such as inside his wallet or in the freezer next to his frozen pizza collection.

Call him out for doing something that unexpectedly turns you on, like when he expertly fixes your fickle DVD player and you're reminded of the other ways he's good with his hands.

Softly whisper these eight words into his ear: 'I want to have sex with you -now.' This line is best dropped apropos of nothing, like while waiting in line at the grocery store or eating breakfast one weekday morning.

As you're holding hands, take his finger into your mouth and lick and kiss it like you would his penis. Seductively wipe it down your cleavage, and watch him stare at you in awe.
 


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Fri, 15 Feb 2013 12:00 +0200
Bad Sex Moves http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/bad-sex-moves-pg1

Fine for movies, but in real life - even if they weren't expensive - they might be her favourite pair. While she might feel petty complaining, she'll be bummed nonetheless.


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Fri, 01 Feb 2013 12:00 +0200
One-Night Stands 101 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/one-night-stands-101-pg1

Never rely on a guy to come up with the condom - there's too big a risk of him not having one, and of you being coerced into unprotected sex. And never, ever let him convince you it's not necessary. If he tries, he doesn't have your best interests at heart and you shouldn't be sleeping with him in the first place.


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Fri, 25 Jan 2013 12:00 +0200
The Most Satisfying Sex Position http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-most-satisfying-sex-position-pg1 The Expert Guide sex-education video series. And it's not just blissful for guys; you can get maximum pleasure, too.

Here's what makes it great:

Being on top is the ultimate power position. 'You can play around with different speeds and how deep he enters you, depending on what feels best,' says health educator and author of Sexploration: The Ultimate Guide to Feeling Truly Great in Bed (Penguin Non-Classics), Jane Bogart. Another bonus: 'When you straddle your partner during sex, your Kegel muscles automatically tighten up, making the act even more intense for both of you,' says Bogart.

You might want to start by teasing your guy a little and only letting him enter you partway. Make it extra-feisty - and show him who's boss - by pushing him down on the bed so he's flat on his back. Place your feet on either side of his pelvis, lower yourself onto him, and gently move up and down. The shallow thrusts keep him from getting too excited too fast, yet gradually build arousal. 'Most women feel strong sensations in only the first few inches of the vagina, so taking just the tip of his penis inside you feels fantastic,' says Bogart.

For more intense sex, have him sit up, then straddle him. Wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. 'This allows deep penetration,' says Taormino. It's also very intimate: With your faces so close together, it's perfect for passionate kissing. You can vary the stimulation by rocking back and forth together or moving your hips in circles rather than the typical up-and-down motion. Circular movements create a different sensation than straight up-and-down moves do.
 


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Fri, 08 Feb 2013 12:00 +0200
Know These Sex Terms? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/know-these-sex-terms-pg1

Named after its propensity to shock, this is when a guy simultaneously penetrates your vagina and anus with his fingers - just when you're least expecting it. Not advisable for the first time you're together.


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Fri, 18 Jan 2013 12:00 +0200
Hands-On Sex Tricks He'll Love http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/hands-on-sex-tricks-hell-love-pg1 Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal With It (Sourcebooks, Inc). These feel-him-up moves will put him right in your palm.

With your fingers, gently graze his skin from his shoulders to his stomach in a zigzag pattern. As you move farther south, a tingling sensation will shoot straight to his package. Once you get to his abs, shorten your strokes and move your fingers between his belly button and lower pelvis. This increases the blood flow to his abdomen - resulting in a more intense erection.


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Fri, 11 Jan 2013 12:00 +0200
Be a Penis Genius http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/be-a-penis-genius-pg1 He Comes Next (Hardcover). 'As a result, he isn't getting ultimate satisfaction.'

Sure, penis pleasuring can be baffling. Some guys are super-sensitive, and certain techniques won't be enjoyable for every man. So experiment with these tricks, check with him to see what he likes and doesn't like, and soon you'll be a bona fide penis genius.

Rub warming lube between your palms to generate heat. Wrap your hands around his shaft, one hand stacked on top of the other, and gently twist in opposite directions.

Place two cubes of chilled, flavoured jelly in your mouth before giving him oral sex for a sensation that thrills. (To yield firmer cubes, use two-thirds of the suggested amount of water.)

Bring an ice lolly to bed and alternate sucking it and his member.

Caress his penis and testicles with a damp, warm (not hot) face-cloth. Heat will soothe him and amp up blood flow to the area, intensifying sensation.
 


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Fri, 21 Dec 2012 12:00 +0200
The Blended Orgasm http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-blended-orgasm-pg1

As we said, a blended O is the combination of the two different ways women can climax. Clitoral orgasms usually come on faster because that area is so accessible. G-spot orgasms - named for the dime-sized pleasure zone behind your inner vaginal wall - are considered much more intense because they reverberate from inside your body. 'By simultaneously having your clitoris and G-spot stroked, you mix the unique sensations of each peak into one, resulting in a longer, deeper experience,' explains certified sex therapist, Dr Ava Cadell.

This kind of big bang won't just leave you feeling ah-mazing; your guy will reap its benefits, too. 'A blended orgasm requires different touches on two distinct body areas, and this extra effort naturally slows him down and helps him last longer,' says Cadell. Plus, men love it when a woman really loses herself in lust. Watching you experience twice the power of a regular O will absolutely drive him over the edge as well.
 


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Fri, 14 Dec 2012 12:00 +0200
Who's In Bed With You Tonight? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/whos-in-bed-with-you-tonight-pg1
What you get up to in bed is nobody's business, right? Between the sheets it's a closed set, featuring just you and your partner in leading roles. Or at least, it should be. So, how come the minute you undo your jeans, your mind can flood with a bunch of other people - your friends, your parents, your ex, even your boss?

'We are products of all the people we've known,' says Susan Quilliam, sex therapist and author of The Adventurous Lover (Mitchell Beazley). 'Parents, friends, colleagues and past lovers can all influence your sex life.' And that's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it's possible to use what you're learnt from them positively, to revolutionise your sex life and boost your in-bed confidence.

Whether losing your virginity was fabulous or forgettable, early lessons about sex are surprisingly powerful. Inexperience meant you were probably happy to take your cue from someone who seemed more confident than you. What's more, it's unlikely you were concentrating on having your own orgasm back then, as learning what turns you on takes time, effort and the boldness to state your needs. This means your first lover can instil a tendency towards being sexually passive.

Kick Him Out: If Mr First Time is popping in your head (and your bed), it's time to look at what you really want - not what he wanted all those years ago. You may be far more sexually experienced now, but deep down, still scared your current partner isn't really interested in your satisfaction. 'The answer lies in finding your own voice,' says Quilliam, 'and remembering that you have just as much right to have your sexual needs met. It's up to you to negotiate the sex you really want.'
 


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Fri, 30 Nov 2012 12:00 +0200
What's Behind Freaky Sex Dreams http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/whats-behind-freaky-sex-dreams-pg1
But here's the funny thing about dreams of having sex: They typically have nothing to do with sex - it's just a symbol the brain chooses. So don't take them literally. 'Sex dreams lay bare your deep-seated fears and desires,' says Dr Gillian Holloway, author of The Complete Dream Book (Sourcebooks, Inc.). 'Things that you don't face during the day, yet need to address, often surface while you're sleeping.' Find out how these common erotic reveries can help you identify and rectify an underlying issue.

A dream about bedding a former flame may make you question if you harbour feelings for him, but that's probably not the case. 'Your ex could be a stand-in for the person you're with now,' says Holloway. 'Your subconscious tends to substitute an earlier love for any guy you're dating.'

That's good if the dream had lovey-dovey overtones, but if the ex you conjured up didn't treat you well, it could be a subconscious signal that your current guy possesses one of his negative traits. 'Your psyche might pick up on something you aren't aware of yet,' says Holloway. 'Look at it as a potential wake-up call.'


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Fri, 23 Nov 2012 12:00 +0200
Secret Sex Worries http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/secret-sex-worries-pg1

The Reality: Many of the XXX-rated movies guys watch have scenes in which the man says aggressive, domineering things to the woman. So it might just be his attempt at emulating those scenes. It's not inherently bad (some men and woman find rough talk hot); it just comes down to how you feel about it. 'If it bothers you, let him know after you finish having sex that you find that version of dirty talk off-putting,' advises Dr Robin Sawyer, author of Sexpertise: Real Answers to Real Questions About Sex (Gallery Books).

Next time, give an example of the kinds of words that turn you on – if you set the tone, he'll follow suit. Guys want to make women happy in bed, so once they know they're doing something you don't like, they will stop… or at least, they should.


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Fri, 16 Nov 2012 12:00 +0200
How To Use a Vibrator With Him http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/how-to-use-a-vibrator-with-him-pg1
Lay him on the bed, turn it on, and rub it over him. Start at his knees, run up his upper thighs, and circle it around the bulge in his pants. This way he'll get comfortable with the feeling.

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Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:00 +0200
He Says What?! http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/he-says-what-pg1

What He Sounds Like: 'Ugh … ugh… ugh…'

What It Means: This macho guy is intense and focused, if a little bland. 'He's goal-orientated and all business when it comes to making you climax,' says Dr Yvonne K Fulbright, author of Pleasuring: The Secrets of Sexual Satisfaction (Sterling/Ravenous). You see, all the he-man grunting indicates he's worried about peaking before you reach your happy place. 'Men may make that noise because they're clenching their muscles and holding their breath, trying to stave off orgasm,' Fulbright says.

Your Move: If you think he's going caveman on you to stop himself from climaxing, 'help him regain control by slowing the pace if you're on top or even stopping and just kissing for a few minutes,' says Fulbright. Wish he would say more? Encourage him to string together a few sexy phrases by asking questions like, 'If you could do anything to me right now, what would it be?'
 


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Fri, 02 Nov 2012 12:00 +0200
Am I Normal? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/am-i-normal-pg1

How 'tight' you are is largely down to the strength of your pelvic floor. Sexpert Sarah Hedley, author of Sex By Numbers (Piatkus), says, 'Regularly doing Kegel exercises tightens your vagina and makes it possible to grip your man's penis when he's inside of you - and men love that feeling.'

The good news is that the exercises are easy and can be done anywhere, any time - even sitting at your desk. Next time you wee, stop the flow of urine - that's you squeezing your PCs. 'If you practise this every day - but not when you're actually going to the toilet as that can cause bladder problems - you can build up your vagina's strength,' explains Hedley. 'While sitting or standing, squeeze and hold your muscles for a count of three seconds before releasing. Repeat 20 times or until your muscles are tired, and build up from there.'


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Fri, 19 Oct 2012 12:00 +0200
20 Naughty Sex Questions (Part Two) http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/20-naughty-sex-questions-part-two
1. I want him to blindfold me. How can I hint that it's a turn-on?
Do it to him first.

2. What's the best way to take control of sex half-way into it?
Kiss him fiercely, then move him into whatever position you want. We know he'll obey.

3. What does a penis ring do, and will my boyfriend like one?
It constricts blood flow and keeps him hard for longer. It can be hard to remove, so be careful.

4. How can I amp the pleasure my guy feels during oral?
Play up the surprise element. Frequently changing your mouth and tongue moves keeps him guessing.

5. I'd like to enjoy sex longer and slow my orgasm. Advice?
Switch positions.

6. What can I do to make things sweaty and energetic?
Put on music with a fast beat. Your bodies will break a sweat keeping up with the tempo.

7. I orgasm powerfully when I masturbate with a vibrator. How can I bring that same intensity to climaxing with my guy?
Incorporate a vibrator into your sex play.

8. What hand-job move will drive him wild?
Wet both palms, stack your hands on top of each other and twist them.

9. I hear that squeezing my PC muscles makes sex hotter for him. Why?
The tighter grip on his penis adds an insane surge of pleasure.

10. How can I feel less body-conscious when I'm on top?
Lean in close so you're face-to-face.

11. What's the most sensitive part of his penis, and what should I do to it?
The tip. Slowly circle your tongue on it like it's an ice-cream cone.

13. Even when I'm in a relationship, I masturbate daily. Why?
Having regular sex boosts your libido.

14. Why does my boyfriend want to ejaculate on me?
He probably saw it in a porno movie.

15. Do all guys go to strip clubs?
No.

16. Why does it feel so good when my guy tugs my hair a little during sex?
Your senses are heightened and your scalp has tons of nerves, so it gives you a jolt of pleasure.

17. Do guys like to have their bum played with?
Some do. Ask before touching him there.

18. Can you use lube for shower sex?
Not water-based ones; they'll just wash off him. Look for something silicone-based.

19. Can a guy feel a difference between ribbed condoms and regular ones?
No, ribbing is for your benefit.

20. What position is best if I want to have a quickie?
Bent over a table.

<<<Go Back To Part One


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Fri, 12 Oct 2012 12:00 +0200
20 Naughty Sex Questions (Part One) http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/20-naughty-sex-questions-part-one
1. What's the easiest way to try 69?
Lie on top of him or position yourselves side by side.

2. What can I say, during sex, that isn't too tame or too raunchy?
'You make me so wet.'

3. I want to get a little rough. How can I start?
Hold his hands above his head as you kiss him.

4. Which woman-on-top tweak will make the move sexier for him?
Lean back and open your legs wide. He'll love the view of his penis moving in and out of you.

5. How can I use a vibrator on my guy?
Turn it to a slow speed, and place it against the underside of his shaft at the base.

6. My boyfriend's favourite position is doggie-style. What's a similar move he'll love?
Lie on your back on a table and have him stand up and enter you.

7. My guy and I want to try anal. Any tips?
Use loads of lube, and ease into it with a finger or two.

8. My jaw hurts after I give him oral for several minutes. What will help?
Go slowly, and allow your jaw frequent breaks during which you use your tongue only.

9. Where in my apartment should I have sex that I probably haven't tried before?
On or against the bathroom sink.

10. What's the best food to bring into the bedroom?
Whipped cream in a spray can. Put it anywhere you want his mouth.

11. Does he like it better if I swallow?
He's just happy you're down there in the first place - he's not concerned with what you do with the aftermath.

12. If I don't have lube, what can I use?
Saliva.

13. What part of my guy's body should I touch while his penis is penetrating me?
His testicles. Massage them lightly with your fingers.

14. What should I do after I tie him up?
Lick your way from his neck to his ankles and back again.

15. What's the easiest position for shower sex?
Bend at the waist, brace yourself and have him enter you from behind.

16. Are there any wild techniques I can pass along to my guy while he's giving me oral?
Tell him to alternate between licking, kissing and sucking, using not just his tongue but his lips as well.

17. I'm short. My guy is tall. What's a good position for us?
You on top, facing front or reverse.

18. How can I let him know I love what he's doing and want more of it?
Moan loudly and grind your hips into him.

19. What foreplay move will prime him for a quickie?
Ninety seconds of oral each.

20. What's one way to involve my breasts more during intercourse?
Push them together and have your guy stick his penis between them.

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Fri, 05 Oct 2012 12:00 +0200
Sexy Things To Do After Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sexy-things-to-do-after-sex-pg1

Immediately post-O, wrap your legs around him so he stays inside you. Then rub your hands up and down the sides of his stomach - they're sensitive spots on guys that feel good when caressed. Staying closely intertwined with your man is the perfect way to ease down from the climactic high.

Most men want to crash after sex, so circumvent that need by getting into the shower together. The warm spray keeps your body heat up - the way it was when you were having sex - so he becomes re-energised. This allows you more time to connect with him before the urge to fall asleep kicks in.

After the action all your senses are heightened, so satisfying your sense of sound requires no effort and can be really calming. Keep your iPod plugged in to speakers nearby, and play songs that are soothing.
 


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Fri, 28 Sep 2012 12:00 +0200
His Biggest Sex Secrets (Part Two) http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/his-biggest-sex-secrets-part-two-pg1 What Men Really Want in Bed (Quiver). 'But many have a very hard time communicating the nuances of their concerns or desires because they're embarrassed or afraid of how you might react.'

But since information is power, we set out to bring you the sexual secrets all guys keep from their girls by asking experts to identify the stuff he's been hiding. Hope you're sitting down.

A lot of men don't want you fondling their back door, but they love it when you grab their behind during sex. 'Gripping his bum lets him know how much you want him,' says Gentry. 'It's a psychological thrill as much as it is a physical one.'


<<<Go Back To Part One


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Fri, 21 Sep 2012 12:00 +0200
His Biggest Sex Secrets (Part One) http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/his-biggest-sex-secrets-part-one-pg1 What Men Really Want in Bed (Quiver). 'But many have a very hard time communicating the nuances of their concerns or desires because they're embarrassed or afraid of how you might react.'

But since information is power, we set out to bring you the sexual secrets all guys keep from their girls by asking experts to identify the stuff he's been hiding. Hope you're sitting down.

'Due to the availability of online porn, men have never felt more pressure to perform,' says psychologist and sex therapist, Dr Peter S Kanaris. Plus, some TV shows, such as Sex and The City have let men in on a dirty little secret: Some women talk - sometimes trash - about their partner's sexual skills.

So what is he worried about exactly? 'His biggest fears: Is my penis big enough? And, will I be able to get her to orgasm?' says Gentry. But experts add that another surprisingly common one is, 'Will I be able to orgasm?' To put his mind (but not his penis) at ease, let him know he's pleasing you. 'Moaning or saying "That feels good" assures him he's hitting his marks. And if you notice he's having a hard time peaking, assuage his concerns by not making his orgasm the end goal,' suggests Gentry. 'Say, "Let's take a break."'


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Fri, 14 Sep 2012 12:00 +0200
No Sex? Something's Wrong... http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/no-sex-somethings-wrong-pg1 All the Good Ones Aren't Taken (St. Martin's Griffin). 'So if there is a lack of sex drive, it's a clear symptom that something is going on either in his life or in your relationship.'

We have compiled the five most common sex-drive busters and arranged them in order from the manageable to the totally dire. Start with the first and eliminate them one by one until you figure out what's going on. Then follow the advice for how to deal.

'Feeling overwhelmed, tired or stressed will lower a man's sex drive,' explains Jay Carter, author of Nasty Men (McGraw-Hill). So if he has taken on extra work at his job or has family drama swirling around him, his brain may be too fried to even think about sex.

What To Do: Don't reveal that you've noticed his stress level negatively affecting your sex life; if he has to think about your being unsatisfied on top of everything else, he'll just get more anxious. 'Be understanding, give him a neck rub, or play some calming music when he gets home,' suggests certified sex therapist, Dr Joy Davidson. Feeling more relaxed will allow him to think about getting it on again.


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Fri, 07 Sep 2012 12:00 +0200
Are You Sexy, Savvy & Safe? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/are-you-sexy-savvy--safe thank you), and we have tallied up the results to share with all of our readers. Some things you said were surprising; others, less so. Want to know what goes down in the average COSMO girl's boudoir? Read on…

Contrary to the belief about 20-something women, you actually aren't bonking like bunnies. Only 7% of you have sex every day; almost half of you do the deed a few times a week, and a lot (nearly 32%) only shag a few times a month. Which is quite a bit less than we expected. And you're very good girls (to use a very un-PC expression) – 32% of you have only had one partner, while a large 51% have only had a handful of partners. Kudos to you for being discerning.

While most of you (74%) use a condom every time you're with a new guy, that leaves nearly 30% of you not bothering. Not good. HIV might be less topical of late, but it's still a pandemic here in Southern Africa. Not to mention that you run a big risk of contracting an STD - some of them (like herpes) you will carry for life, and that's not fun. Or sexy. On the upside, you're fairly orgasmic and in touch with your bodies as 50% of you climax almost every time you have sex, even when it's with a new guy, while nearly 20% of you orgasm every time you have sex. Yee-hah!

When it comes to your boyfriend, you don't believe that 'sharing is caring' – 61% of you will engage in a threesome, erm, never, while (we had to chuckle at this one) nearly 11% of you will only deign to give your boyfriend a blowjob once a year. And when it comes to swallowing, your guys aren't lucking out, either, as 37% feel it's a nice touch but not necessary, while 36% are adamant it's too gross to even consider. This one was also pretty funny – 24% of you use sex toys to… wait for it… massage your shoulders! (We think you haven't acquainted yourselves with the charms of the rabbit just yet).

When it comes to your favourite positions, it was a toss-up between girl-on-top and doggie-style, while the vast majority of you only shag one guy at a time, with a tiny 6% thinking it's okay to have more than one sex partner at once. When it comes to gender politics, you're pretty liberated - less than 20% of you judged women who sleep around as 'slutty'. More thought it was 'liberated' or that they were just looking for love in the wrong places (very sisterly of you). Lastly, nearly a third of you initiate sex most of the time (whoa - go, girls!), while a healthy 64% of you are not averse to a bit of experimentation, a quarter of you claiming to be 'wild and uninhibited' in bed - that's COSMO girls for you... So, once again THANK YOU for taking the time, keep up the good work and go and buy condoms today.


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Fri, 24 Aug 2012 12:00 +0200
Feed Your Sex Drive http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/feed-your-sex-drive-pg1 Love Potions (Tarcher). Devour a few every day and you should notice benefits within a couple of months.

The vitamin E in these green eats helps your body to churn out hormones like testosterone, oestrogen, and progesterone, which circulate in your bloodstream and stimulate sexual responses like clitoral swelling and vaginal lubrication.


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Fri, 31 Aug 2012 12:00 +0200
ADVERTORIAL: Good Vibrations With Durex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/advertorial-good-vibrations-with-durex
Place Touch on your finger to make every touch a quivering sensation. It's easy to use & comfortable to wear, so you can experiment whenever you want, either alone or together with your partner. Not only is Play Touch Stimulator incredibly quiet, but it's also waterproof and reusable.

Use it alone, or let your partner share the fun. Available at larger Durex stockists for R216.99.

<<<Find out about Durex Play O Orgasmic Gel



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Mon, 20 Aug 2012 12:00 +0200
ADVERTORIAL: Come Again With Durex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/advertorial-come-again-with-durex
Discover the secret to amazing orgasms with new Play O Orgasmic Gel. Play O has been created and tested by women for women using a unique combination of ingredients designed to stimulate you, increase your desire and bring you the most intense orgasms you've ever experienced. It's non-staining, non-irritating, is compatible with Durex condoms and creates sensations that last from five to 20 minutes. Use this sexilicious gel by itself, with a vibrator, on your own or with a partner.

You'll never want to go without it.

>>>Find out about Durex Play Touch Toy

 
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Mon, 20 Aug 2012 12:00 +0200
When Your Guy's On The Small Side... http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/when-your-guys-on-the-small-side-pg1
Pick up any steamy novel and you'll find the same time-honoured scenario: He drops his pants, and she drops her jaw. He's long, hard, impressive... hell, he's huge. And while many real-life women also admit to loving the sensation of a large, full penis, the chances of running into one aren't nearly as great as chick lit (and porn flicks) would have you think. So what's a girl to do if she falls for a guy who's a little, or even a lot, smaller than she'd like? We're happy to report that smaller-than-average men can serve up plenty of pleasure in bed - with a few subtle tricks and techniques from your end. It also helps to have a little perspective. So here are the goods on what's true and what's not about size... and even hotter goods on how to make the most of whatever he's packing.

'The truth is, most penises are around 15 centimetres when erect,' says Dr Harry Fisch, a professor of clinical urology and co-author of Size Matters (Three Rivers Press).

'This is a crucial dose of reality since many young women may label their partner as small when he's really not,' says Jane Bogart, author of Sexploration: The Ultimate Guide to Feeling Truly Great in Bed (Penguin). Only 15% of men are longer than 18cm, and just 3% surpass 20cm.



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Fri, 17 Aug 2012 12:00 +0200
Surprise! Guys Do Like It Slow http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/surprise-guys-do-like-it-slow-pg1
There is, of course, one practical matter that needs to be addressed: how to contain a man's excitement in order to extend the play. And, moreover, while languorous sex sounds hot in theory, what the hell do you do to fill all that time? No worries - you're about to learn how to master the art of the slowie (the polar opposite of a 'quickie'). 'The key is building up excitement gradually,' says Dr Ian Kerner, author of Passionista (William Morrow Paperbacks).

You can draw out doing the deed by setting the stage hours in advance. Send him a naughty SMS early in the day - a line like, 'Save your energy... you're going to need it later,' should do the trick. Then, while out to dinner or drinks, reveal something sexy you want to try later and have him do the same. 'Sharing your desires ensures you're on the same page mentally, and also helps you connect on an emotional level,' says Kerner. Having this discussion in public increases anticipation because you will get turned on, but are forced to put off acting on your urges. Then, seize the opportunity to unveil your plan for the rest of the evening. Tell him, 'Tonight I fully intend to take my time pleasing you.' And, if it's feasible, lay your hand on his thigh as you say it. 'Physical contact stimulates the hormone oxytocin, which makes you feel happy, relaxed and close to each other,' explains Kerner. 'And that mindset is a crucial element for building arousal, especially for women.'


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Fri, 10 Aug 2012 12:00 +0200
Secret Stuff Guys Know About Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/secret-stuff-guys-know-about-sex-pg1 Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man (William Morrow). 'They do what feels good without over-thinking it.' Adopting that kind of male mentality in the bedroom leads to a long list of perks, including a higher libido and climaxing more often. In the name of sexual superiority, er, we mean equality, we asked experts to fill us in on exactly what a girl should steal from a guy's MO.

The average guy could spend the day inhaling chicken wings and still want sex when he gets home. But if women eat too much - or are a little bloated or pimply or feel crappy for any other reason - they often shut down their sex drive. The reason? 'Females have this notion that they don't deserve sex unless they look and feel absolutely perfect, but that's total nonsense,' says Cynthia Gentry, author of What Men Really Want in Bed (Quiver). Your guy often picks up on your feeling like you 'shouldn't' have sex and is less inclined to ask for it, which only reinforces your thinking that you're not doable. The result is a lot less sex for everyone involved. The truth is, once your clothes come off, this is the extent of what a guy is thinking: 'Boobs!' In other words, he's not noticing that you have a zit or haven't washed your hair. So instead of closing yourself off, think like a guy and go for it anyway. A quick way to get out of your own head: 'Get him hard - literally. Reach over and touch his penis to let him know you want sex,' says Dr Patricia Taylor, author of Expanded Orgasm: Soar to Ecstasy at Your Lover's Every Touch (Sourcebooks Casablanca). 'When you see how aroused he gets, you'll realise there's no point in worrying about all that other stuff.'



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Fri, 03 Aug 2012 12:00 +0200
The Sex Toy User Guide http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-sex-toy-user-guide-pg1 Bella Rouge, Jenni Osrin rated some of the latest toys according to their level of difficulty, and added some fun tips to help you get from beginner to sex toy diva.

❤❤❤ = Difficult ❤❤ = Moderate = Easy

A great toy to start with is the Power Bullet. It's small and compact and can fit in the palm of your hand. Roll it around the body during foreplay and it will help hot things up. Try using it on his sensitive nipples and 'man bits'. Once he sees that the toy is not just for your pleasure, but for his as well, he should be more open to exploring more fun goodies. This is also a great little toy to keep in your handbag for when the situation, um, arises.


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Fri, 27 Jul 2012 12:00 +0200
Friends-With-Benefits Truths http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/friends-with-benefits-truths-pg1
You don't need us to tell you that dating during university (and even beyond) has come to a screeching halt - you're living it, baby! And you may even be happy with a social life that consists of a killer co-ed group including, perhaps, a guy friend whom you roll around with occasionally. And while the sex-with-a-friend setup has its perks, there can be downsides too. We spell it all out right here.

Can you sleep with other people? How often should you hang out or call each other? An FWB situation can be confusing, so you may have to set up some parameters. And that means having a 'talk,' which may be what you think an FWB arrangement will spare you from.


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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 12:00 +0200
Your Guide To Anal Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/your-guide-to-anal-sex-pg1 nooooo - you can bet your (ahem) bottom dollar that the time will come when he enquires about sport on Channel Two. While the thought of anal anything might be horrifying, in fact lots of couples include it in their sexual repertoire and - believe it or not - some women really enjoy it. If your boyfriend's been bugging you to try sex this way, take heart - you're not alone. And it doesn't have to be heinous. Here's the scoop.

Absolutely. It's not for everyone, but then neither is mountaineering. Some people will always find the thought horrifying, while for others, it's a fun, sexy and kind of naughty alternative to regular sex. If you both like it, there's no reason in the world not to do it.


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Fri, 06 Jul 2012 12:00 +0200
'Am I Good In Bed?' http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/am-i-good-in-bed-pg1

The Reality: There's no reason to question your sexual orientation if you have a naughty dream about a girl. 'Female sexuality is less rigid than male sexuality, so it is quite common for women to be turned on by other women,' Bakos says. Instead of trying to forget it, use it to spice up your relationship.

Tell your boyfriend you had a really bizarre dream that you found very hot, then watch his pants stand at attention while you describe it to him in all its juicy detail. Not comfortable sharing? Use it to fuel a fantasy when you're with your partner, or even during masturbation.


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Fri, 13 Jul 2012 12:00 +0200
Learn To Let Go In Bed http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/learn-to-let-go-in-bed-pg1 For Women Only (Henry Holt and Co). 'And, often there's a recurring reason - a busy schedule, body hang-ups - that keeps you from chilling.' But, since women are more prone to disruptions than men, staying in the moment is often a challenge. Spot your passion distraction below, and find out how not to let it de-rail you.

'When you have a lot going on in your mind, it's hard to go from mental to physical mode,' explains Lou Paget, author of The Great Lover Playbook (Gotham). To clear your head (and clear a path to satisfaction), focus on sensations pre-sex. Climb into the bath and let the water envelop you, or rub lotion all over.

Should an item from your to-do list creep into your head mid-hookup, concentrate on moving past it as you breathe deeply. 'This calms you and increases arousal,' says Dr Aline Zoldbrod, co-author of Sex Talk (iUniverse). Then, run your hands along your guy's legs to tune back in to how great he feels.


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Fri, 29 Jun 2012 12:00 +0200
Make Him Shiver With Pleasure http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/make-him-shiver-with-pleasure-pg1

Sip sparkling wine, then lick along your man's lips and neck, lingering on the sensitive slope between his lower lip and chin. 'The alcohol tingles and then evaporates quickly for a sexy, skin-tensing effect,' says Dr Carol Queen, sexologist at goodvibes.com.


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Fri, 22 Jun 2012 12:00 +0200
How To Have Romantic Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/how-to-have-romantic-sex-pg1
'People tend to become so focused on the physical mechanics involved in reaching orgasm that they tune out their partner in the process,' says sex therapist, Joy Davidson, author of Fearless Sex (Quiver). As a result, you may end up feeling disconnected. So, how do you boost the romance? 'The key to truly sensual sex is engaging with each other at every stage of the action so you feel like you're a single unit, rather than two separate entities,' Davidson explains. Here's how to get there:

Before you start getting down to the business, quickly eliminate clutter - shut all of your cupboard doors, stash junk and, if you live on a busy road, close all the windows. A clean, calm setting will allow you and your boyfriend to focus on each other. Turning the light on in an adjacent room with your door left slightly open will subtly illuminate the room you're in.

'Because romantic sex is leisurely, you're more likely to notice stuff like a crack in the ceiling or a mole on your boyfriend's shoulder, which can pull you out of the moment,' says Patti Britton, co-author of The Complete Idiots Guide to Sensual Massage (Alpha). 'Turning down the lights drops a veil over the setting so your mind won't be as likely to wander.' Plus, it's easier to maintain eye contact with him in dim lighting.


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Fri, 15 Jun 2012 12:00 +0200
Sex Toys For Beginners http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-toys-for-beginners-pg1 www.matildas.co.za).

This toy is a great place to begin for those just starting out. Doing Kegel exercises mean mighty lovemaking muscles, which leads to stronger orgasms and better sex for you and your partner (plus, they keep those muscles strong so that you don't wee when you cough or laugh). Not only are they beneficial, Kegel exercise balls feel really good and can be worn anytime, anywhere. Sexy Je Joue Ami Kegel Exercise balls come in a set of three provocative shapes developed for the gradual progression of your Kegel strength.


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Fri, 08 Jun 2012 12:00 +0200
Get What You Need From Him In Bed http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/get-what-you-need-from-him-in-bed-pg1

Why He Does It: Since sex is perceived as the grand prize, that's what guys tend to gun for. Also, because many guys need only a short warm-up to be ready, they don't automatically get that it's an important step for you.

Frisky Fix: When he bolts out of the starting gate like a stallion on steroids, slow him down by playfully saying something like 'This feels so good, l could do this for hours!' That kind of reinforcement will make him feel like the man and encourage him to comply.


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Fri, 25 May 2012 12:00 +0200
Kiss Me! http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/kiss-me-pg1 The Ultimate Compatibility Quiz (Healing Couch). And that's a shame because locking lips throughout the sexual experience (and not just at the very beginning) can make the pleasure skyrocket considerably. 'There are tons of nerve endings in your lips that stimulate desire,' Bloom says. 'Smooching before, during, and after intercourse can be extremely arousing and satisfying.'

However, not all puckers are created equal; the trick is knowing what mouth-to-mouth moves intensify each stage of sex. Luckily we've gone ahead and mapped it out for you.

Just as a runner needs to stretch before a race, your body requires an equally strategic warm-up before launching into full-throttle passion. 'You don't want to come on too strong with your lips or you might accelerate his excitement too quickly,' says Bloom. Instead, ease him into the pleasure zone, gradually increasing his arousal. The slower the build-up, the bigger the bang.

Give him little pecks all over his face - everywhere except the lips. As his excitement grows, trace the outline of his mouth with the tip of your tongue. He'll be aching to envelop you with his mouth, but don't let him do it… yet.
Move on to open-mouth puckers, but no tongue allowed. If he tries to French kiss you, pull away from him for a minute, then return to kissing. The point is to be playful and work him into a desire-filled frenzy by not giving him exactly what he wants.
Add some playfulness into the mix by gently sucking and lightly nibbling on his lower lip every now and then. It will feel so good, he'll instinctively return the favour.


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Fri, 18 May 2012 12:00 +0200
The Love Lab http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-love-lab-pg1

1. Start Fantasising!
Recent studies show it's the people who fantasise frequently who report higher satisfaction in bed, have sex more often and experiment more than those who rarely fantasise. 'Fantasising just before you hit the sheets will prep your mind - and your body will follow,' says Sandor Gardos, founder of MyPleasure.com.

2. More Is More
One area of the brain that's activated during sex is the nucleus accumbens (no, we've never heard of it either); it's also revved up during a nicotine rush,' says Yvonne Fulbright, author of Touch Me There! (Hunter House), which is why it's so hard to stop smoking. 'When we experience something pleasurable, our brains want a repeat - it's why people who are in love can't get enough of each other.' So, the more sex you have, the more you'll want. If your sex life is in a dry patch, you can break it by just having sex with him - stick to a schedule for a week and see for yourself.


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Fri, 11 May 2012 12:00 +0200
Her Kind Of 'Dirty' http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/her-kind-of-dirty-pg1

Place a mirror (full-length, if you have one) next to the bed to get an up-close view of the action. 'It gives her a chance to see her body during a sexual act,' says Lori Hollander, sex therapist. It'll also be exciting for her to witness you in the throes of passion - glistening with sweat and moving in rhythm with her. 'It's an erotic new way to experience sex,' says Hollander.



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Fri, 04 May 2012 12:00 +0200
His Three Forgotten Hot Spots http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/his-three-forgotten-hot-spots-pg1

Maybe you’re already a talented lobe-licker, but what you might not realise is that a man’s ears can be a pipeline to his penis. According to traditional Chinese medicine, the ear is packed with acupressure points that, when touched, send energy throughout the body, including the genital region. But aside from the physical passion perks, there’s a psychological component as well. ‘It’s a tantric experience for a man to hear and feel your sighs and breath,’ says Dr Gloria G. Brame, clinical sexologist. Plant kisses around the rim of his ear, then gently take the lobe into your mouth. Alternate between lightly sucking and grazing the skin with your teeth. As you do so, let out small exhalations or make soft moaning sounds.


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Fri, 20 Apr 2012 12:00 +0200
Your Hands-On Guide To Solo Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/your-hands-on-guide-to-solo-sex-pg1 Everything You Know About Love and Sex Is Wrong (Perigee Trade). 'Masturbation prepares you for great sex, since you learn what you like and can teach a partner,' she says. Every COSMO girl should know how to make herself happy down below. Here, a helping hand.

It takes more than a five-second lip-lock to get you in the mood for sex with him, and the same holds true for a DIY session. To light your libido, create an atmosphere for arousal: a haven without distractions where you can say to hell with inhibition. Lock the door so no one bursts in; disconnect your phone(s), and add ambience with candles and slow, sexy music. Next, tune into your head space. 'If you're watching the news and trying to masturbate, it's going to take a while,' says Rachel Venning, co-author of Sex Toys 101. 'In order to reach your peak, you need to relax and focus.' If it takes a glass of wine to block out your boss (buzz kill!) and transition from work to play, cheers! Once you feel mentally uncluttered, fill your mind with sexy thoughts. Picturing Orlando Bloom in a loincloth might help.


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Fri, 13 Apr 2012 12:00 +0200
Scary Down-There Discoveries http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/scary-down-there-discoveries-pg1
Below-The Belt Surprise #1: He's HUGE You detected its presence during a passionate smooch earlier, but the moment he unleashes his larger-than-life monster, your moans of pleasure might become a cry of terror. Relax - his penis may look too damn big to fit inside you, but that's not the case. 'The vaginal muscles are very accommodating, especially when you're aroused,' says urologist, Dr Jed Kaminetsky. So, if you find yourself facing this big dilemma, indulge in some lengthy foreplay. Have your guy stroke your nipples in slow circles before inching south to give you some oral action.

Once you're primed for passion, try the woman-on-top position. 'It gives you more control of the depth, pace, and thrusting, so you can go at your own speed,' says Tracey Cox, author of Supersex (DK Adult). Take your time and chances are good that the pleasure payoff will be just as sizable as his massive equipment.
Below-The-Belt Surprise #2: His Member Is Bent
Below-The-Belt Surprise #3: He's Uncircumcised
Below-The-Belt Surprise #4: It Looks Red or Bumpy
Below-The-Belt Surprise #5: He Has a Penile Piercing

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Fri, 30 Mar 2012 12:00 +0200
5 Things To Do With Your Vibrator http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/5-things-to-do-with-your-vibrator-pg1 Bella Rouge take you through a few ideas:

1. Sensual Seduction Put the vibrator in the palm of your hand and run it over your entire body. Start on a soft, mild vibration, and find those bits that make you shiver and tingle. Make it last and turn up the heat by slowly turning up the dial. The longer you do this, the more orgasmic your climax will be.
2. Go Play Outside
3. Lick-a-licous
4. Pleasure Together
5. Explore & Conquer

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Fri, 23 Mar 2012 12:00 +0200
His Secret Pleasure Triggers http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/his-secret-pleasure-triggers-pg1 The Complete Idiots Guide to Sensual Massage (Alpha), who led us to these lusty locales. 'Not only are these "almost" zones loaded with nerve endings, making them highly sensitive to touch, but their proximity to the primary pleasure points increases physiological arousal.'

In other words, playing with his 'almost' zones builds the anticipation until he's aching (and we do mean aching) to have the actual areas toyed with. So where exactly are these neighbouring erotic wonderlands? Here, we provide the map to your man's pleasure, plus the ultimate tease-him techniques.


Obvious Spot: His Lips
Almost Zone: His Pucker Perimeter
If you've ever had one of those killer kisses that leaves you throbbing, you know just how lusty the lips can be. But circling his mouth is an equally hot (and uncharted) area. The feel-good territory starts under his nose, just above the bow of his lips, and radiates outward toward his laugh lines, encompassing the entire circumference of his pout. 'Stimulating this peripheral region is incredibly pleasurable because it's one of the most sensitive spots on the body,' says Britton. Start by slowly tracing the outline of his lips with the very tip of your tongue, letting it linger near the corners of his mouth. Pull back, and then seductively suck your pointer finger and retrace your tongues titillating path with your digit. After a few sexy laps, your man won't know his lips from his loins. Now it's time to up the erotic ante. Britton suggests following the same trail with an ice cube. 'When you finally move in for a kiss, the heat from your mouth - contrasted with the cold - will intensify the sensation.'
Obvious Spot: His Ears
Almost Zone: Just Around His Jawline
Obvious Spot: His Nipples
Almost Zone: Pec Periphery
Obvious Spot: Package
Almost Zone: North Of The Nether Regions
Obvious Spot: His Boys
Almost Zone: Just South Of The Sac

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Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:00 +0200
Bathtub Booty http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/bathtub-booty-pg1 She Comes First (William Morrow). Take COSMO's aqua-erotic advice for some serious wet-'n-wild fun.

The Sultry Squeegee Peel off each other's clothes, then slide into a warm bath with your guy sitting behind you. Take turns slowly lathering each other up with a soft, natural sea sponge. With his hand on top of yours, start tracing slow, sexy circles around your breasts, belly, and inner thighs. Next, guide his hand from the base of your vulva to the top and back down again. 'This sponge bath stimulates highly sensitive parts of the vulva that are often neglected outside the bath,' says Kerner. Once you've established the slow north-south rhythm, lean back and let his hands take over. But before you get too hot and bothered, switch places. Drag the soapy sponge from his chest down to his abs and then gently run it up and down his penis. The slick, warm feeling will create a toe-curling sensation. 'Concentrate on stroking the underside of the shaft and along the frenulum, right below the head, where the skin is ultra-thin and packed with nerve endings,' says sex therapist Dr Sandor Gardos, founder of mypleasure.com.
Lusty Underwater Lotus
Showerhead Blastoff

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Fri, 09 Mar 2012 12:00 +0200
The Sex He'll Die For http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-sex-hell-die-for-pg1 Fearless Sex (Quiver). 'The longer and better the build-up, the longer and better the release when he finally orgasms.'

To help you give your guy an explosive, unprecedented and unforgettable O, we had experts share six different foreplay strategies. Since variety is essential for bed-shaking sex, each has its own unique way of bringing your guy to the brink, so you can try a different one every time. Be prepared, though: This is one very racy, risqué batch you have before you. Once you've mastered these sexy moves, get creative and invent your own based on the crucial concepts. (And believe us, he'll want to return the favour.)

Strategy #1: Seduce Him With a Massage A sensual rubdown is a slow-boil approach to arousal. Guys rarely undergo this pampering treat, so the slightest strokes trigger a forceful stream of relaxing neurochemicals, says sex educator Dr Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of Touch Me There! A Hand-On Guide To Your Orgasmic Hot Spots (Hunter House). He winds up in a mellow, ready-for-pleasure state.

Another reason rubdowns rock his world: 'Skin is the largest erogenous zone, with about 600 000 receptor cells,' says Fulbright. Not only does massage send blood coursing into key hot spots, but it also engages the muscles and nerve endings everywhere you touch, prepping him for a truly full-body orgasm. Have him lie face-down - letting you take the reins is a turn-on - and straddle his thighs. Start by deeply massaging his head and neck with your thumbs, forefingers, and middle fingers; then slide down his back, pressing the outside edges of your hands into either side of his spine. Let the tips of your breasts graze his skin, and exhale deeply so he can feel the heat of your breath. When you get to his sacrum - the bony spot where his spine ends - massage it with the heels of your palms for a couple of minutes. There are 16 acupressure points in this area, and stimulating those will perk up his package. Then kiss the small of his back as you start kneading his butt, separating his cheeks as you rub. Moving his booty causes blood to rush to his groin, which is ammo for a powerful orgasm.
Strategy #2: Tease Him Like Crazy
Strategy #3: Don't Neglect The Nipples
Strategy #4: Pay Attention To Pubic Hair
Strategy #5: Improve On a Classic
Strategy #6: Hold The Heat - Temporarily

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Fri, 02 Mar 2012 12:00 +0200
Be Unforgettable In Bed http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/be-unforgettable-in-bed-pg1
Unforgettable Trait #1: 'She Knows How To Build Anticipation' 'Before leaving for work, my girl will come up behind me while I'm brushing my teeth and play with my package,' says Hakim*, 30. 'Then she kisses me goodbye and flies out the door. For the next eight hours, all I can think of is how we're going to continue the action that night.' Few guys have the self-control to create this kind of erotic anticipation on their own - when they get excited they want to get busy right there, right then. That's why most really like it when a woman teases and tantalises them. 'Show him how much more passionate a drawn-out lust session can be and he'll credit you forever with deepening his sex life,' says sex therapist Rebecca Rosenblat, author of Seducing Your Man (Burman Books).

And then there's the payoff when he finally does boil over: a super-intense orgasm. 'I dated this girl who tormented me one night with stop-and-start-sex. I'd be ready to climax, but she'd grab my butt cheeks and tell me to hold still, keeping me right on the edge,' says Steven*, 30. 'Then we'd resume, and a minute later, she'd hold me still again. It was sweet torture, but in the end, I had the most powerful orgasm of my life.'
Unforgettable Trait #2: 'She Makes Sex Fun'
Unforgettable Trait #3: 'She's Really, Really Enthusiastic'
Unforgettable Trait #4: 'She's Not Body Shy'
Unforgettable Trait #5: 'She Tells Me Exactly What She Wants'
Unforgettable Trait #6: 'She Has a Signature Move'

*Names have been changed


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Fri, 24 Feb 2012 12:00 +0200
What She Wants In Bed http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-she-wants-in-bed-pg1
The Effort You Put Into Seducing Her Yes, you'd think your good looks and suave personality alone would be enough to woo the panties off her, but 'when you go the extra mile to set the mood, it shows you really care about her and her needs,' says Dr Kathleen Cervenka, author of In The Mood, Again (New Harbinger Publications). So, rather than flipping off the TV and asking, ' Are you ready for some of this?' try lighting some candles, putting on music and stroking her hair. These sweet gestures show that you're invested in her arousal too.
Kissing Throughout The Act
The Amount Of Time Spent On Foreplay
Receiving Compliments On Her Skills

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Fri, 17 Feb 2012 12:00 +0200
The Naughtiest Sex Position http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-naughtiest-sex-position-pg1 sex positions to choose from, and we've brought you our fair share of them. But there's one in particular that rises above the rest on the steaminess metre: getting busy against a wall. The basic primal nature of having sex against a wall is the reason why it's unbelievably torrid. 'When you're so aroused that you just can't wait another second, this is an immediate solution for expressing that intensity,' says sex therapist, Dr Lori Buckley. 'The fact that your guy is pressing you into the wall lends it an urgent, almost aggressive feel.' But while this position couldn't be hotter, it's not the smoothest to put into action. So it helps to have a primer.

Maximise What Makes It So Scorching The sense of urgency in wall sex is one of its lustiest selling points. Amplify that by leaving on some of your clothes, suggests Buckley. Begin ripping off each other's attire as soon as you walk through the door, but don't take everything off - for example, you can have him pull off your underwear but keep your skirt on, or unbutton his shirt without stripping it off. Also adding to the appeal is the fact that you're being dominated. 'Some guys love to feel powerful, and since he has you pinned against the wall, he's in complete control of the pace and depth of his thrusting,' explains Dr Sari Locker, author of The Complete Idiots Guide to Amazing Sex (Alpha). With your man right in front of you and the wall buffering your back, your movement is restricted. You'll experience a sensation of vulnerability and confinement, which can be a huge turn-on.

Another hot bonus is the superb clitoral stimulation this position provides, according to Buckley. Your pelvis is slightly lower than his, putting your hot spot directly in line with his pubic bone. When he's deep inside of you, gently rub your G-spot against him. At the same time, tighten your thighs - it'll narrow your vaginal canal, creating pleasurable friction.
Master The Position
Special Challengers
Try a Sexy Variation

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Fri, 10 Feb 2012 12:00 +0200
Sex and Your Sign http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-and-your-sign
CAPRICORN | AQUARIUS | PISCES | ARIES | TAURUS | GEMINI | CANCER | LEO | VIRGO | LIBRA | SCORPIO | SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN
Steady, loyal and practical, Capricorn sex is all about planning, says Stefan Stenudd, Swedish astrologer and author. You are not the type to be caught having a quickie in the walk-in fridge or swing from chandeliers, and a man mustn't even think about whipping out the latex or weird-looking things that buzz. For you, sex must follow the same pattern, and there must be plenty of foreplay. While you might concede to a spontaneous tryst in the beginning so as not to appear stuffy (yes, Cappy, admit it: you are a little stuffy), you're much more comfortable with a nice dinner followed by sex at your place. In bed, where you know the sheets are clean and your toothbrush is close at hand.
FAVOURITE POSITION: missionary sex.



AQUARIUS
You non-conformists, on the other hand, probably invented chandelier sex. Why have sex in bed when there are beaches, limos, cupboards and all sorts of interesting places to exchange bodily fluids? Your lover has a hard time reading you, but is rather intrigued by your dramatic sequins-and-feathers approach to lovemaking. Spontaneity is your middle name, and nothing bores you more than a guy who sticks to the same routine. You're also inclined towards stubbornness, says Cape Town astrologer, Denise Capel. You're mysterious and can be a little bit flighty, and where the romance is going is anybody's guess. You're far more concerned about where you put that tube of glitter glue.
FAVOURITE POSITION: swinging-from-the-ceiling.

PISCES
The silvery fish is very sensitive to the needs of her partner - to the point of forgetting about her own needs, explains Stenudd (take it from us: giving him a blowjob does not qualify as foreplay for a woman, whatever he might tell you). In fact, says Stenudd, Pisceans need a lot of play beforehand, and are quite happy to pass on the intercourse altogether. You love the cuddly, romantic aspect of sex more than the hard-core bangy part, but as a natural pleaser, you'll do whatever your partner wants. If there's a girl who'll agree to swinging, an episode on channel two or performing a blowjob in a movie theatre, she's probably a Piscean. But not because she's a sex fiend, she's just easygoing and likes to make people happy.
FAVOURITE POSITION: his favourite position.

ARIES
You'll show up with the condom (ribbed), initiate sex and order him around like a sergeant major. And before he can say 'How high?' you're done, and ready to go at it again. And this time you whip out an enormous vibrator and tell him exactly how to use it. Says Stenudd, Ariens are conquerors, with a sex drive that'll make most men quake in their boots - or very happy, depending on how brave they are. This sign is the queen of wham-bam sex, and if he's not hitting the spot, you'll just do it yourself, and he can watch and learn. Arien women want a man with a capital 'M', so if you're one of those metrosexual types who wears guyliner and cries easily, don't bark up this tree. Oh, and there are some issues with faithfulness, warns Capel.
FAVOURITE POSITION: on top.

TAURUS
We hope he had his Jungle Oats this morning, because Taurean women are not easily satisfied. He'll have to work hard to get you aroused, and then harder still to take you across the winning line. Tending towards laziness as lovers, Taurus is not eager to seduce - or be seduced. You'd rather sit down to a gourmet meal and then cuddle up on a big, comfy couch and watch a DVD. To get down and dirty with you, he'll have to be patient and persistent, says Stenudd. But if he succeeds, Taureans are loyal, steady and dependable partners. As the ultimate epicurean, he might have to throw in a massage or two before you'll let him have his way. It'll be worth the effort in the end.
FAVOURITE POSITION: any one where she gets to lie down while he does all the work.

GEMINI
One day she worships the ground you walk on, the next she barely acknowledges your existence. You're confused? Welcome to life with the twin. Gemini treats everything light-heartedly, including relationships. To her, sex is just a game and there's no reason in the world to get all serious about things. These women tend to fall in love at first sight, but then get turned off just as quickly, explains Capel. While her lovers might get offended by her refusal to prioritise them over other aspects of her life, her great sense of humour ensures that sex is always fun and uplifting. But don't draw it out too much; she has a short attention span. You can't hang around the next morning? That's fine by her. In fact, she has plans to go surfing, so best you hurry on out the door. And don't call her, she'll call you.
FAVOURITE POSITION: the spoon (so she can feel like one of a twin)

CANCER
Uh-oh, get the tissues ready, cancer has entered the bedroom... Whatever you do, do not criticise the sensitive little crab if you want to get your rocks off. Her new haircut is horrible? Lie, lie, lie. And be prepared for some marathon cuddling. Possessive Cancerians take sex very seriously, and the very concept of a one-night stand appals them. They will only sleep with you if they feel safe and loved, so don't even bother buying condoms until you've at least discussed wedding venues. Crabs are known to initiate lovemaking in order to get the closeness and intimacy they crave; although, says Capel, they are actually more addicted to sex than most other signs. Once you earn their trust, these funny, quirky human beings make delightfully intuitive (if slightly bossy) bed partners. But be prepared to put in some hard emotional graft...
FAVOURITE POSITION: close. Very close.

LEO
Lay down the red carpet – we have royalty in our midst. As the reigning queen of the zodiac, the Leo lover expects to be courted if you're going to be lucky enough to lure her into your bed. Think: French champagne, roses and something small and sparkly before she'll deign to consider your proposal. And if you've proven your mettle and entered her lair, be prepared to do a lot of fawning and adoring. She'll expect to be admired, but on the upside, she is just as eager to impress. Says Stenudd, 'To Leo, sex is a kind of performance, which should end with applause.' So, don't forget to clap when she does everything perfectly. But once you've won her over, her warm, sunny and generous nature will make it all worthwhile.
FAVOURITE POSITION: cunnilingus (she likes the bowing aspect).

VIRGO
'Are there tissues next to the bed, and is my T-shirt getting creased?' are what concerns the ultra-neat, verging-on-pristine Virgo woman during sex. Says Stenudd, 'Virgins are careful lovers who pay attention to every detail, and lovemaking happens by the book.' Don't show up unannounced in latex undies with a whip - she's not having any of that. As Stenudd explains, Virgos need to have some control over the situation, and want to learn what their partner wants, as well as teaching them how to return the favour. So, if anyone is going to wield a whip, it will be her. It might feel like you're shagging a sex coach and be more technical than spontaneous and romantic, but at least he'll know exactly what she likes and dislikes. And, as Stenudd assures, in the end it will do the trick.
FAVOURITE POSITION: the reverse cowboy (best position to hit the g-spot).

LIBRA
As the arch manipulator of the zodiac, you know instinctively how to make everyone like you and do what you want, says Capel. 'You attract men to you like a magnet and, being, highly sexed, could easily find yourself committed before you realise it. Then comes the difficulty of extricating yourself, especially if the guy doesn't match your intellect.' You're an expert lover, but can be cool emotionally and, in accordance with the Libran tendency towards fairness, sexual favours will be apportioned equally. Librans are perfectionists, so you can rest assured that the sex will be good. Libran woman are an interesting combination of forcefulness and hesitance – the essential push-pull that keeps men on their toes.
FAVOURITE POSITION: the one involving acrobatics so you can show off how clever you are.

SCORPIO

This sign oozes sex, burns up beds and will give any man a run for his money. Just don't let him dare be disloyal because love will turn to hate in a heartbeat, and this girl's sting is scary, warns Capel. Scorpio women have an inner magnetism that attracts guys to them, but also makes them forget how dangerous she actually is. But put a foot wrong, and you'll be zapped. While she's sensitive and strong, she is also extremely intense which makes her an exciting lover. But if you were planning on leaving without leaving her number, you'd better get out of there quickly – and watch your back for the next while. A scorned Scorpion is hell-bent on revenge. She’s also secretive and suspicious, so don’t expect her to reveal much about herself, but she’ll be very inquisitive about you. Keep your nose clean at all times.
FAVOURITE POSITION: all of them.

SAGITTARIUS
He's a little under-endowed? Make no mistake, the Sag girl will let him know. These women can be shockingly honest and direct. But as lovers, they tend to be elusive and seemingly unattached by longing and lust, says Stenudd. Her man might arrive on her doorstep, all ready to propose, only to find a note saying she's left for Machu Picchu. Sag women are adventurers, explains Capel, who are somehow less constrained by the pressures of marriage and children, and they safeguard their freedom. As they don't do things by the book, they are also difficult to seduce. But this just adds to their mystery and appeal. Says Stenudd, 'Sex might be quick, as if meaning nothing, but at the spur of the moment it can become as intense as a forest fire.'
FAVOURITE POSITION: anything different to last time.

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Fri, 27 Jan 2012 12:00 +0200
Scope a Guy's Size http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/scope-a-guys-size-pg1
Method A: The Eye Try To be used when he's in a fixed position, like standing and not moving much or sitting with legs open.

1. Look up absentmindedly, pretending to try to remember something you've forgotten. Next, cross your arms, and put your head in your hand (it gives the illusion of deep thought) as you turn to spy on his package. Then glance away again, looking perplexed.

2. Holding your book, cell phone, or iPod in front of you, lower it to a level just below the line of sight of his package. Pretend to read, SMS, or change your song but actually scope his crotch. After a few seconds, turn your eyes back to the object to seem engaged.
Method B: The Feel Test

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Fri, 03 Feb 2012 12:00 +0200
Make Sex More Erotic http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/make-sex-more-erotic-pg1
All couples - even those with amazing sexual chemistry and compatibility - experience a dip in their excitement at some point. But there's a way to resuscitate that bedroom rush. Experiments exploring the relationship between danger and sexual allure prove that, when it comes to sexual attraction, a little danger really revs things up. Fortunately, you don't have to risk life and a limb to amp up your arousal potential - you just have to create your own 'danger scenario'. How? Follow these titillating tricks.

Get Him To Think Dirty You tend to associate the exhilaration you feel when you're in danger with the person you're with. So, start getting your guy pumped up by doing something unexpected before you even get to the bedroom. For instance, when the two of you are at the shops, toss a pack of condoms into the shopping basket to let him know you have sex on your mind. Or, if you're shopping for clothes, pull him into the dressing room and say something outrageous, like 'I'd like to have sex with you right here.' The point is to do or say something seductive and surprising; you don't even have to follow through.
Be Creative
Treat Him To Some Sexy Sights
Catch Him Off Guard
Tempt and Tease Him
Be a Voyeur
Switch Up The Venues

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Fri, 20 Jan 2012 12:00 +0200
Sex Cravings (Part Two) http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-cravings-part-two-pg1 go back to Part One and start from the beginning.

6. He Wants a 'Wow, What Was That?' Experience To separate yourself from the pack, you'll need to pull a move so wild, he won't be able to stop thinking about it the next day. 'If you've mastered one particular technique that's really hot and different, the entire erotic experience will stand out in his mind,' explains psychologist Joel Block, author of The Art Of Quickie (Quiver). Now, you don't have to bust out a complicated trick best used by yoga instructors - just tweak an old standby, say, switching between oral sex and intercourse… with him blindfolded. You may also want to come up with your own signature mouth move.
7. He Wants To Mix Things Up
8. He Wants Nooky Out Of Nowhere
9. He Wants To Take Over
10. He Wants To Do Nothing Sometimes

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Fri, 13 Jan 2012 12:00 +0200
Sex Cravings (Part One) http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-cravings-part-one-pg1
1. He Wants a Girl Who Can Turn Herself On Women, as you know, need time to get revved up. Although your man may be more than ready to pull out all the stops to get you hot, he wouldn't mind if you gave yourself a running start. 'A number of women still believe that it's a man's job to arouse them,' says sex therapist, Gloria Brame. 'To have a really fulfilling sexual experience though, you have to put some effort into getting yourself into a sexual state of mind. 'To give your libido a boost, draw on the same sources of inspiration you use during solo self-pleasuring missions. Once his seduction scheme begins, close your eyes and fantasise about a hot encounter you had with your man... or even some other guy. 'It's totally okay to think about another sexual partner when you're trying to turn yourself on,' reassures Brame. 'You just might not want to tell your boyfriend about it.'
2. He Wants Sex To Be Fun
3. He Wants You To Drop Hints
4. He Wants To Watch
5. He Wants You To Be Naughty

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Fri, 06 Jan 2012 12:00 +0200
Signs He Wants To Heat Things Up http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/signs-he-wants-to-heat-things-up-pg1
He's Always Touching You Here's a man who can't keep his paws to himself, has sex on the brain 24/7 and wants to rev up your bedroom routine. 'He might grab your bum, run his hand up your thigh or kiss the back of your neck in public,' says Roz Van Meter, a certified sex therapist. 'The fact that he doesn't care who sees indicates that he wants to push the boundaries.'
He Makes Sudden Sex Moves
He Takes Care Of Your Business
He Gets More Curious

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Fri, 23 Dec 2011 12:00 +0200
What Your Sex Dreams Mean http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-your-sex-dreams-mean-pg1 Erotic Dreams. 'Your subconscious uses these raw, lustful situations to sort out emotions you may not be confronting in waking life.' Maybe you already know dreams serve as a portal to your psyche, but you might not realise how obscure their implications can be. In fact, your dirtiest scenes often aren't about sex at all. Oh, and those 'innocent' imaginings where you're flying or brushing your hair? They're loaded with sexual meaning. While everyone's nocturnal fantasies and day-to-day issues vary, we asked dream experts to shed light on the most common sexual dreams.

DECODING YOUR SEX DREAMS Getting Passionate With an Unlikely Partner
A dream where you're scorching the sheets with your boss or best friend? Yikes. Although you may assume this means you harbour secret lustful feelings, the actual implications are generally tame. 'You probably admire a quality that person possesses and want to develop it within yourself,' explains Dr Patricia Garfield, author of Creative Dreaming. Maybe you admire your boss's success or wish you had your friend's confidence. On lucky nights, a Hollywood hottie might make a guest appearance. While celeb sex dreams could just be something your brain has cooked up for fun, there's probably more to it. 'To singles, it's a reminder that amazing prospects are out there, and it also clues you in to the kind of man you want,' says Garfield. If you're already part of a couple, it may point to a yearning for a trait your man lacks or, if you're blissfully content, will affirm that your man is awesome.

No Place To Get Busy
You're on a hunt for a place to have sex with your man, but problems arise that make it impossible. 'This suggests a loss of intimacy between you and him,' explains Holloway. 'Women tend to have this dream before or after a breakup.' Although you've struggled to make it work, something - like mismatched goals - has prevented it. However, if you and your man are happily coupled, the dream may indicate that there's an obstacle you're trying to overcome such as a long-distance issue or even just that you're unsure of what the future holds.

Having Sex For All To See
Right in the middle of a romp, you suddenly realise you're on stage or in a room full of people, and everyone is watching you. 'If the crowd makes you self-conscious, you could be worried that people are gossiping about your relationship,' says Holloway. Think about it: Are you afraid your friends don't like him? Did you start dating while he was still with someone else? On the other hand, should being in the spotlight feel deliciously naughty, it means you have a hankering to flaunt your sizzling sex life to the world.

Cheating On Your Man
It's pretty unsettling to imagine doing the deed behind your boy's back. 'You usually dream of sleeping with someone else soon after taking a major relationship step, like getting engaged,' says Holloway. 'Any uneasiness about making such a huge life change can manifest in your dreams.' It doesn't mean you have regrets; you're just experiencing normal concerns, like that you're missing out on other potential mates or you'll one day discover he's not right for you. On the flip side: 'If your man is the unfaithful one, ask yourself if you're resenting him for some reason,' suggests Holloway. 'This dream can expose feelings of emotional abandonment, like maybe he's working a lot or you're more serious about your bond than he is.'
DECIPHER SUBLIMINAL SEX MESSAGES

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Fri, 09 Dec 2011 12:00 +0200
The Best Sex He's Never Had http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-best-sex-hes-never-had-pg1 He Comes Next (William Marrow). In fact, Kerner has a phrase for those fantasies: 'The best sex he never had.' If you can discover what's going on in his head and combine it with what's actually happening in bed, you'll truly wow him.

Anything that's been covert for so long isn't easy to unearth, but we'll give you a map of his sexual psyche and show you how to tap into it. The benefit is, 'Getting him to share his wildest desires re-energises your sexual curiosity and can take you to a new level of intimacy outside of bed,' says sex therapist Dr Carole Altman, author of You Can Be Your Own Sex Therapist (Casper Publishing).

INSIDE HIS SECRET SEX LIFE

You already know that men are more visual than women, and yes, plenty of their fantasies stem from things they've seen and then re-imagined. 'External visual stimuli - whether it's porn or just a pretty girl on the street - trigger fleeting fantasies all day,' says Kerner. Men also have favourite drawn-out fantasies. 'Most guys think of these scenarios when they need material during masturbation or just as they're about to peak with a woman,' says Kerner. These imaginings, he explains, run the gamut from basics like doing the deed in unexpected places to the downright bizarre. And this much sex on the brain is actually a good thing. 'A partner with a rich sexual imagination is going to be more attentive to your fulfilment too,' says Kerner.

Persuading a man to talk can be tough. Here are three reasons he silences himself, and how to break through:

He Doesn't Know How To Ask While you've been sharing intimate sex secrets with girlfriends since your teens, guys haven't. 'Men are taught to have sex, not talk about it,' says Dr Gabrielle Morrissey, author of A Year of Spicy Sex (Da Capo Press). 'They give non-verbal or indirect clues about what they want in bed,' adds Morrissey. For example, if he moans extra loud when you push him onto the bed or makes a joke about being tied up, he may want to be dominated.

But if your man isn't dropping any discernible hints, Kerner suggests that you casually 'Oooh' at something in an erotic book (say you got it at a bachelorette party) or a movie scene and watch his response. 'Guys are blunt about what they don't want, so if he seems quiet or intrigued, you're onto something,' says Kerner. Then ask him to find a page or name a scene he finds even hotter, and let the conversation flow.
He's Afraid You'll Think He's a Perv
He Doesn't Know They Can Come True

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Fri, 02 Dec 2011 12:00 +0200
What He Thinks Of Your Orgasm Face http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-he-thinks-of-your-orgasm-face-pg1
Now that you know how psyched your partner is to witness you revelling in pleasure, the challenge is learning to let the feelings of sexual bliss wash over you without becoming self-conscious. And that feeling embarrassed by your orgasm face: the sudden rush of blood to your cheeks that can make them flushed and sweaty, as well as the muscle contractions that leave your eyes and mouth alternating between tensed-up and slackened. Follow these tips on how to let go in that glorious moment:

Let-Go Lesson #1: Breathe Deeply Inhaling and exhaling slowly and deeply helps block out your external environment, bringing you into a deeper zone free of outside disruptions, where all your senses are heightened and you can truly relax, explains sex educator Yvonne Fulbright, author of Touch Me There! (Hunter House). It's almost impossible to obsess about your perceived physical flaws when your brain is being flooded with pleasurable sensations.
Let-Go Lesson #2: Follow His Cue
Let-Go Lesson #3: Don't Stifle Your Moans & Groans

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Fri, 25 Nov 2011 12:00 +0200
Bedroom Games To Play Tonight http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/bedroom-games-to-play-tonight-pg1 Sexploration (Amorata Press). So, get psyched for some very friendly competition and let the games begin...

Sexy Scavenger Hunt What You'll Need: A blindfold and at least five of your favourite lickable treats, such as chocolate sauce, syrup, honey, strawberry jam and cinnamon sugar.

How To Play: Maybe you’ve already experimented with edible bedroom treats, but for this game, you’ll be embarking on a tasty version of hide-and-seek. First, cover your man’s eyes with the blindfold. Then, place drops of different flavoured foods on various parts of your body. For example, put a dollop of honey behind your ear, rub a little syrup along your lower stomach, on your nipples or any other place you want to be licked. Then lie down and tell your guy to locate a specific taste treat, like the chocolate sauce, using his tongue to guide him. As he explores every naughty spot, he’ll get sweet surprises along the way. Once he’s savoured all of your yummy parts, switch roles and taste him all over.

Passion Payoff: The erotic anticipation will keep you both on high alert. ‘While he’s wondering what his tongue will find, you’ll be on pins and needles waiting to see what body part he’ll move to next,’ explains Bogart.
Dirty Dice
Touch Test
Spotlight On Sex
Get-It-On Guessing Game


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Fri, 18 Nov 2011 12:00 +0200
Skype Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/skype-sex-pg1
1. Make a Date It's not going to work if you're in the middle of deadline horror, haven't had a wax in weeks and your gran is watching The Wild in the next room. Because part of Skype sex's success lies in creating the right atmosphere, it must happen at a time when you're both relaxed and ready to rumble, and with no imminent interruptions. Plus, setting a date ahead of time will 'up' the anticipation for both of you, making the experience even more exciting.
2. Have a Plan
3. Create The Mood
4. Time It Right
5. One Thing at a Time

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Fri, 11 Nov 2011 12:00 +0200
Shock His Socks Off http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/shock-his-socks-off-pg1
Play 'What Is It?' Massage yourself all over with oil and blindfold him. Then, touch your guy's penis or lips with different body parts (your pinkie, your nipple, your toe, your V zone, and so on). 'He has to guess what he's being touched with,' says sex expert Dr Pam Spurr, author of Erotic Secrets For Sensational Sex (Amorata Press). 'The oil makes it more difficult to sense the body part and creates unique sensations.
Close To Climax
Down Under

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Fri, 04 Nov 2011 12:00 +0200
The Hottest Words To Say During Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-hottest-words-to-say-during-sex-pg1
Foreplay 'At this early stage, it's key to use phrases that indicate your pleasure and arousal,' says sex therapist Lori Hollander. 'It's encouraging for him to know that his kiss is enough to get you worked up and bring you to that take-me-now place.' So, try lines like 'I want you,' 'I could kiss you forever,' and 'I can't keep my hands off you.'

Notes Hollander, 'They all send the message that you find him irresistible.' If you want to take it up a notch, phrases like 'Take your clothes off right now,' 'I'm getting so wet,' and 'I can practically feel you inside me' express your fast-building passion. He'll be ecstatic over the fact that you started out excited and have now reached the point where you're going wild, says Hollander.
The Main Event
Post-Sex

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Fri, 28 Oct 2011 12:00 +0200
Don't Forget To Do This In Bed http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/dont-forget-to-do-this-in-bed-pg1 Touch Me There! (Hunter House). So, what are the most effective ways to convey unbridled exuberance? Here, tips from experts.

Pounce If you want your man, let him know by initiating action. 'Guys are often the ones to suggest sex, so if you seduce him, he'll figure your passion means he must be a good lover,' explains Dr Pam Spurr, author of Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips (Amarato Press). Display how ravenous you are with the following tactics.

Ambush him when you get home - it's like you've been anticipating bedding him all day.
Should a frisky mood arise while you're at a restaurant, nudge him and say 'Let's get this to go.'
Tear his clothes off during foreplay instead of waiting for him to undress himself.
Seduce him when he least expects it, such as by pulling him into a bathroom to hook up at a party.
Get Saucy
Make Some Noise
Be Hands-On

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Fri, 21 Oct 2011 12:00 +0200
His Secret Sex Trigger http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/his-secret-sex-trigger-pg1
Thankfully, courtship has progressed since then, but men still respond primarily to an optical thrill. Use that fact to eroticise your encounters at any time, from pre-foreplay to mid-nooky. Start with these tantalising tips from top sexperts… and don't forget to leave the lights on.

Before The Bedroom Flash him a glimpse of you in your bra and panties in the morning, when his testosterone is at its peak.
Seductively lick a dab of food off your lips or finger. He'll imagine what that tongue would feel like on him.
Draw attention to your sexiest parts with jewellery, like a pendant that grazes your cleavage.
Get undressed in another room, but stay in his line of sight. He'll feel like he's sneaking a forbidden peek of you stripping down.
During Foreplay
During the Deed

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Fri, 14 Oct 2011 12:00 +0200
Be a Little Kinky http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/be-a-little-kinky
• During girl-on-top sex, use a tie or scarf to bind his hands over his head, rendering him (happily) helpless.
'When a woman takes over in bed, the guy feels an incredible release of pressure,' says Dr Barbara Keesling, author of Men In Bed (Hudson Street Press). 'There's no performance anxiety. He can just lie back and enjoy the ride, and you can set the pace and depth to your liking.'

• Tell him to get naked and sit on his hands for 60 seconds.

Then straddle his lap, and slide your V zone against the head of his penis. This will get him so aroused, he'll be dying to touch you… but he's not allowed. The feeling of being in charge will turn you on and make him feel like he's going to burst (in a good way).

• Add a jolt of excitement to your repertoire by engaging in a little role-play.
Pretend to be a masseuse. Have him lie face down on the bed naked, with just a sheet covering him from the waist down. Undress in another room, knock on the bedroom door, and introduce yourself as the masseuse. Use oil to give him a titillating back and butt massage. After about five minutes, ask him to turn over, and continue the massage on his front. When you get to his package, take it in your hand, and provide the release of a happy ending… or straddle him for some mutually satisfying sex.

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Fri, 07 Oct 2011 12:00 +0200
Explore Tempting New Territory http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/explore-tempting-new-territory Men In Bed (Hudson Street Press).

When you're giving him oral sex, use your index finger to draw gentle circles around his anus once he's fully aroused. He'll likely be a little worried about how aggressive you're going to get. The anticipation will make his toes curl, not to mention the fact you're your touching a highly sensitive area.

Fingers are super-sensitive, yet often overlooked, making them highly receptive to pleasure. While rubbing his penis, put his pinkie finger in your mouth and suck, moving up and down at the same pace as your hand is on his shaft. Then do the same for each consecutive finger. Because these two sensations are synched up, he'll start to imagine your mouth is on his penis. Once you're finished with all 10 digits, move down and make his fantasy come true.

The backs of his knees are a hotbed of nerve endings, so kissing and licking him there will turn him on. Have him lie on his stomach, kiss the back of his neck, and slowly work your way down to his knees. Lick the whole area of one knee, then do the same to the other side. You'll drive him insane if you periodically work your tongue up his inner thigh and back down again.

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Fri, 30 Sep 2011 12:00 +0200
How To Climax Together http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/how-to-climax-together-pg1
When you're in a relationship, there's nothing more intense than super-connected sex. And, with that goal in mind, the ultimate endeavour is a dual orgasm. 'Climaxing within seconds of each other is one of the most gratifying sexual encounters you can have,' says Dr Ian Kerner, author of He Comes Next (William Marrow) 'Every sensation is amplified since you're experiencing it in tandem.' But, it can be tricky to pull off. If you want to set the stage for this erotic experience, read on. We reveal what's standing in your way - and how to overcome it.

Roadblock #1: You Only Climax Via Oral/Manual Pleasure To orgasm a deux, you need to learn to climax when you have intercourse. 'It may be easier to peak during oral and manual because he's focused on your clitoris,' explains Dr Ava Cadell, author of The Pocket Idiots Guide To Oral Sex (Alpha). 'In many positions, you won't achieve clitoral stimulation unless you consciously create contact.' Plus, as he's touching you, you can guide him or take matters into your own hands for G-spot stimulation.

To orgasm through intercourse, recreate the sensations you feel during oral and manual action. Use extra lube to imitate the warmth and wetness of his mouth. Also, start slowly: 'Let him enter you only halfway in the beginning, simulating the shallow penetration from his mouth or hands,' suggests Kerner. As he goes deeper, touch yourself so you're stimulated on the inside and outside. With a little practice, climaxing during intercourse will come naturally. When you're primed for peaking in tandem, read the next section.
Roadblock #2: Your Timing Is Off

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Wed, 07 Sep 2011 12:00 +0200
Change Your Sex Life http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/change-your-sex-life-pg1
Q: 'My partner wants me to tie him up. Exactly what do I do once he's tied to the bed?' A: Savour this time to show him what sexy means to you. 'Tease his body all over so he won't know when the next touch is coming,' says Barbara Keesling, author of Men in Bed (Hudson Street Press). He'll be focusing on each sensation, upping the overall intensity. Kiss down his chest, nibbling his nipples, ears and neck. Breathe against his soft (or hard) spots. And look into his eyes to let him know you're in charge and loving it.
Q: 'My boyfriend likes it when I touch his bum during sex. Should I go even further?'
Q: 'He wants me to talk dirty, but where do I start?'
Q: 'My partner often spanks me while we're doing it. Does he want me to reciprocate?'
Q: 'My boyfriend has joked about threesomes. Do you think he wants to try it out?'
Q: 'Our attempts at the 69 are always so awkward. What is it we're not getting?'

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Thu, 01 Sep 2011 12:00 +0200
Make Her Feel Sexy Naked http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/make-her-feel-sexy-naked-pg1
Admire Her In Clothes Before you can get her to be comfortable au natural, you have to make her feel hot when she's fully clothed. 'By doing that, you're setting up the idea that you already find her body incredibly sexy,' says Laure Redmond, author of Feel Good Naked (Fair Winds Press). One suggestion: Let her catch you admiring her shape when she's wearing her favourite pair of jeans. If your hand somehow keeps landing on her bum, she'll realise you think her body is irresistible.
Compliment Her Sexy Parts
Engage In Some Naked Activities
Set The Mood

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Thu, 25 Aug 2011 12:00 +0200
The Sex Detective http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-sex-detective-pg1 Size Matters (Three Rivers Press) reveals how to read the clues.

A guy may talk a big game and wear jeans that are tighter than Pete Wentz's, but that doesn't mean he has what it takes to keep up with you in the sack... or get you pregnant when you're ready. The real signs of a highly sexual male are a lot more subtle and surprising. According to Fisch, the following six traits and behaviours indicate that a man is truly made for action.

He's Trim Around The Middle You've no doubt heard that a dude with a belly is more likely to keel over from a heart attack later in life, but it's also a bad sign in the sexual realm. Testosterone is broken down more quickly in belly fat. So that big stomach? It's literally sucking him dry of the stuff. 'Testosterone is the petrol that drives the car,' Dr. Fisch says. 'If it's low, he's going to be low on petrol. He'll be tired, he's not going to be able to exercise very much, he's less likely to be in the mood, and his fertility will be lower because a guy needs a certain level of testosterone to produce sperm.' Waist size is especially a concern if your guy is over 30, when metabolism slows and testosterone levels decrease by about 1% each year.
He's Got Guns
He Parties Smart
His Testicles Are In Top Shape
He Has Stellar Semen
He Takes Just Long Enough

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Fri, 26 Aug 2011 12:00 +0200
Sex Boundaries http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-boundaries
When sex between couples is good, it plays a small part in the partnership; when it's bad, on the other hand, it can adopt a very big and potentially divisive role. 'Sexual incompatibility is most commonly about differences in sex drive,' couples counsellor, Jenny Law, explains, 'but it can encompass a wide range of sexual practices including the use of toys, pornography, sexual positions or even introducing a third party. Because sex is still considered a somewhat taboo topic to discuss, sexual differences in a relationship can be tricky to address and overcome.'

Sexual issues within a relationship are complicated by the fact that, historically, women have been sexually subordinate to men, and still are in many contexts. While women may balk at the concept of 'pleasing their man', there are still significant social pressures which dictate that a woman's role is to nurture and meet the needs of others – including in the bedroom. But to enjoy a fulfilling sex life which contributes to the overall happiness of your relationship means communicating your sexual likes and dislikes in an open, non-hostile way – and having them heard and understood by your partner.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T
So, what to do if he's pressuring you to something that doesn't appeal? As Linda Venter, Joburg Sex Therapist advises, 'explain to your partner that you are uncomfortable or unsure of something that is new to you. Ask him how he sees it, and then tell him how you feel about it. A possible option is to agree to try something he wants to do, but maintaining the right to ask to stop if you don't enjoy it. Sometimes having that choice is all it takes to feel safe enough to experiment. If, however, you do not enjoy the practice, you have to tell the truth and he has to respect your feelings.'

For personal trainer, Nombeko*, 28, the problem is that her live-in boyfriend, Jerome*, also 28, has a much higher sex drive than she does: 'In the early days we were at it like bunnies and it was cool, but now once a week is more than enough for me. He wants to have sex twice a day and if I'm not interested he sulks. I swear he has a sex addiction.' Says Linda, 'if you do not want to have sex, you need to be honest and tell your partner. If he cannot understand or gets upset, that is his problem. If you give in it will only lead to resentment and anger. But consistently saying no to sex could also indicate an underlying problem. If this is the case, you might need to get professional help in order for sex to become a healthy and happy part of your relationship.'

As Linda explains, sex becomes an addiction when it is the only thing your partner talks about or wants to do with you; if he gets angry about you not wanting as much sex; being disrespectful; telling you that he can get sex elsewhere or that there is something wrong with you. If this behaviour is prevalent it could be an indication that he has an addiction. In this case, the problem is definitely not yours, and he needs to seek help.

MEET IN THE MIDDLE
'But sometimes, all that is required is compromise,' explains Jenny. 'If your partner enjoys oral sex, for example, and you don't, you could make a decision to do it sometimes but not every time. Or, find a number of times per week where you could conceivably agree to making love which is somewhere between both of your ideals, and stick to it. Finding a compromise that feels do-able means you meet in the middle without either of you feeling hard-done-by.'

Relatively, South Africa's history of Calvinism means our attitude towards sex can be a little puritanical. Sometimes women have an idea that they won't enjoy a sexual act, but once they let go of their inhibitions they find it to be very pleasurable and end up initiating it themselves in the future. Anal sex is a case in point. Says Jenny, 'A lot of men find it appealing for its 'taboo' nature but when women feel comfortable enough to try it and their partner uses lots of lubricant, many women end up liking it more than they expected. If, on the other hand, it's not for you either in practice or in theory, you are completely entitled to say no.'

When it comes to things like oral sex, different sexual positions or pornography, unless it is strongly against your value system, a little bit of give and take is probably your best option, particularly as, the longer a couple is together, the less exciting sex can become. Establish boundaries, but try not to be overly rigid. Changing your routine and incorporating something a little risqué is a great way of keeping the spark alive – and your relationship strong.

*Names have been changed


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Fri, 19 Aug 2011 12:00 +0200
Take Your Orgasm To a New Level http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/take-your-orgasm-to-a-new-level-pg1 Passionista (Harper Paperbacks).

'However, you can bring each other into a heightened state of arousal and pleasure for an extended period of time. And being so turned on can result in a more intense orgasm that also lasts a few seconds longer.' Sign us up! Here, we're going to explain the theory behind the hour-long climax.

Then, using some of those principles, we'll suggest a modified (ie., more realistic) way to amplify sex and your orgasm… minus the endurance test.

A One-Hour Orgasm? What The Hell Is That? Think about what happens physically when you're about to climax: Your muscles tense up, and you probably breathe more shallowly. Crossing the finish line feels like a huge release - as though you twisted up a garden hose and then let go. According to Dr Steve and Dr Vera Bodansky, co-authors of The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm (Hunter House), those reactions result in our getting ripped off in the orgasm department.

'When you tense up, your blood vessels constrict, reducing the amount of oxygen and blood coursing through your body,' the Bodanskys explain. 'This causes your orgasm to be shorter than it should be.' They claim that you can transform the entire sexual experience into one long, continuous orgasm. The gist of what they recommend is this: First, you have to relax. Then your partner touches and tantalises you until you're at the brink of climax but without letting you tip over the edge. The Bodanskys call this a hyper-aroused state of orgasm - just not the kind we're used to. Other experts counter that while these techniques can generate extreme bliss, most people wouldn't consider the outcome an actual orgasm. 'There might be a handful of women who can have a true orgasm for minutes, maybe even an hour, but it's not possible for the majority of people,' says Lou Paget, author of Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming (Three Rivers Press). Even if a 60-minute climax isn't in the cards, staying at a level eight or nine on the pleasure scale for an extended period sounds pretty great. Read on - we'll tell you how to get there.
Tips That Heighten Arousal
The Secrets To Intensifying An Orgasm

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Thu, 04 Aug 2011 12:00 +0200
Sex Moves She Wants More Of http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-moves-she-wants-more-of-pg1
Chances are your girl has no problem telling you what she wants in many areas of life (e.g. 'Please handover the remote' or 'Stop staring at my sister!'). But when it comes to telling you what she craves in bed, it can be a different story. Unveil these moves she may be too shy to request and she'll think you're a mind reader.

More Kissing When things are heating up, your girl is just as eager to remove those troublesome pants as you are. But a longer warm-up act heightens anticipation and can make for an even steamier main event. She'll be more aroused if she senses that, in addition to erotic intimacy, you also enjoy romantic types of contact, says Dr Joy Davidson, author Fearless Sex (Quiver).
Soft Caressing
Body Compliments
Longer Oral

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Fri, 29 Jul 2011 12:00 +0200
Freaky Sex Findings http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/freaky-sex-findings

Why Booty's On His Brain
Ever notice how one minute your guy's watching the rugby, then the next he's pawing you? It's probably because men experience many bursts in their testosterone levels (the hormone linked to libido) throughout the day, explains biologist, Dr Katherine Wynne-Edwards.

Warming Lube Can Amp Arousal
New warming liquids really kick nooky up a notch. 'They heat skin upon contact, which can enhance intimacy and heighten sexual arousal,' says human sexuality instructor, Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of The Hot Guide to Safer Sex (Hunter House). To give him a tingly sensation, rub a few drops of warming liquid onto his testicles and then work back to his perineum (the area between his testicles and his bum).

Your Man's Ring Finger Reveals All
Will he be a tiger in bed? A study published in the journal Human Reproduction (University Science Books) found that if a guy's ring finger is longer than his index finger, he has a lot of testosterone coursing through his body.

His Feet Have a Secret Turn-On Zone
Keep this in mind next time you give your man a foot massage: 'The insides of a man's ankles are sensitive because they're neurologically connected to his sex organs, so rubbing them will intensify his pleasure,' says Larry Costa, author of Massage: Mind and Body. Prime him for passion by dabbing a little massage oil on your fingers and using the pads of your thumbs to make tiny circular movements on his ankles. Sensually work your way up to his thighs... then head for his package.

Your Scent Drives Him Crazy
When you're ovulating, typically on day 14 of your cycle, you exude strong pheromones that cause men to be subconsciously attracted to you, says assistant clinical professor, Dr Hilda Hutcherson.

Feeling Around Gets You High
Feel like you're addicted to sex? Dutch scientists scanned peoples brains during intercourse and found that orgasms activate the same regions as a dose of heroin.

These Foods Will Fire Him Up
To make your man rock hard, try feeding him pumpkin seeds and peanuts. They contain L-arginine, an amino acid that can increase blood flow to the penis, says professor of surgery, Dr Mehmet Oz.

Oral Action Has a Surprising Side Effect
A study published in the joumal of Reproductive Immunology found that women who performed oral sex and swallowed on a regular basis had fewer problems during pregnancy. 'Researchers believe a woman's body sometimes attacks male genes, but oral sex acclimates her to them via repeated exposure.

He's Shockingly Potent
The documentary The Science Of The Sexes noted that one ejaculation contains enough sperm to impregnate all the women in the USA - twice!

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Wed, 20 Jul 2011 12:00 +0200
Keep Your Clothes On http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/keep-your-clothes-on
Stand behind him, wrap your arms around his torso, and press against him. Then slide your hands into his boxers while kissing the back of his neck.

Give him a long look at you in a bra, panties, and tall boots. The vixenish-sweet combo will definitely turn him on.

Blindfold him with his tie. Blocking his sight heightens his other senses, and not knowing your next move will drive him insane (in a good way).

While wearing a silky camisole, climb on top of him and slide your body all over his naked skin.

Let him lick your breasts through a sheer bra, then pull down the straps one at a time to grant him full access.

Whip off his belt, fold it in half and playfully smack his butt.

Gently bind his ankles together using your bra. When you restrict his movement, you get to be in control and he feels the thrill of being dominated.

Unzip his pants, but don't pull them off. Instead, take his member out of the opening in his boxers and treat him to oral action. It'll give him a rush to have only this one sexy body part exposed.

Have him place his hands or mouth down south while you're in undies. The fabric is a barrier (amping excitement), and his warm breath will feel amazing.

Roll a smooth beaded necklace over his stomach or up and down his thighs and along his member to give him a soft, skin-tingling massage.

Slip off your panties but keep your skirt on for girl-on-top sex.

Fling open a front-closure bra right before climax. Setting your breasts free will send him tumbling over the edge.

Sit on top of him in your underwear while he's in his boxers or pants. Grind back and forth against him for as long as you can, then ditch your undies and have sex.

Don't let him remove his T-shirt during sex. Mid-orgasm, grab the fabric in the middle of his chest, twist it so it tightens around his torso, and pull him close.

Just push your underwear aside to have sex. The immediacy of it is hot - like you can't wait to have each other.

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Thu, 14 Jul 2011 12:00 +0200
Thrill Every Inch Of Him http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/thrill-every-inch-of-him-pg1 The Complete Idiot's Guide To Sensual Massage (Alpha). Below, we lay out six randy regions - some involving his package, some located on other areas of his body, and a few combinations of the two - plus the exact type of touch to treat him to.

Tantalising Touch #1: Naughty Neck Nibble While you're making out with your man, let your mouth meander over to the side of his neck, right beside his ear. 'The skin next to the earlobe is probably the most sensitive on his head, so feeling your lips here will make him tingly all over,' says sex therapist Dr Pepper Schwartz, author of Everything You Know About Love and Sex Is Wrong (Perigee Trade). Because it's such a precarious point on his body, your guy might not relax enough to really feel all the bliss this part of his upper neck can bring him. So start with gentle tongue swirls, and gradually progress to slightly more forceful nibbles and nips, the kind that suggest animalistic passion. Magnify each sensation even more by nibbling in a zigzag or figure-eight pattern, something hard for him to predict, so he won't know where your mouth will head next. 'You'll know you're doing it right if he arches his neck, turns it upward, and moves in closer to you - these are the same moves his body sometimes makes when he's in the throes of lovemaking,' says Schwartz.
Tantalising Touch #2: Tailbone Tickle
Tantalising Touch #3: The Package Pump
Tantalising Touch #4: The Frisky Finger Lick
Tantalising Touch #5: The Breast Stroke
Tantalising Touch #6: The F-Spot Flick

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Fri, 08 Jul 2011 12:00 +0200
Turn Him On In 60 Seconds http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/turn-him-on-in-60-seconds
You know your cell phone can do a lot of really cool things. Unfortunately you might be oblivious to the fact that it has carnal capabilities. That's right - your most prized possession is actually a passion prop in disguise. Doubt us? Check out some of its naughtiest uses below.

Play 'Name That Curve.' Using your cell camera, take shots that show just a hint of different curves on your body - your hips, breasts, butt, etc. - and then send them to your guy. Type a little note, and ask him to guess what part of your anatomy is in each photo.

Send your guy a racy SMS when he least expects it, like in the middle of his workday, while he's running errands, or first thing in the moming after waking up. A couple of examples: 'I want your hands on me now,' or 'You + me + my bed… 8pm.'

While you're messing around with your man, grab your cell and set your alarm to go off immediately, but instead of having it chime or make a beeping noise, put it on the vibrate mode. Then, as it continuously vibrates, touch it to his package to totally rev him up and get him ready for the main act.

When you are home together, go to another part of the house, and bring both his and your phones with you. Take off your clothes, then call his cell. When he finally tracks down the ringing, he'll find you - totally naked and waiting.

Invent flirty acronyms to text each other that no one else can decode, such as YMMH (You Make Me Hot) or IWYIM (I Want You Inside Me). Next time you are in a group and can't communicate directIy, SMS him whatever suggestive thought is on your mind.

Set a shirtless picture of him as the wallpaper on your phone so that even when you're apart, you're able to view his hunky body amd start fantasising about what you'd like to do him.

Assign a sexy ringtone to your man so whenever he calls, you'll automatically think dirty thoughts.

Ask him to send you a scorching video of himself, and tell him that once he does, you'll return the favour. Be careful not to send anything too graphic that includes identifying features, like your face.

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Tue, 05 Jul 2011 12:00 +0200
Bust Out Of a Sex Rut http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/bust-out-of-a-sex-rut-pg1 She Comes First (William Morrow). 'You may have an orgasm every time, but it's a little mechanical and boring because it's always by the same route.' Thankfully, you don't have to sacrifice lust for love. Reviving your sex life is easy - and a hell of a lot of fun. Here, steam-it-up solutions on banishing bedroom boredom.

Sex Rut #1: 'We Always Do It At The Same Time' You wash your face, brush your teeth, catch your favourite series, then - bam! - get busy. It's as if a mental 'Let's do it' alarm goes off. Sound familiar? 'When you always have sex at the same time, it becomes another thing you squeeze into your schedule,' says Dr Barry W. McCarthy, author of Rekindling Desire (Routledge).

Steam-It-Up Solution: To make your passion less predictable, tap into the fact that you're not amorous only during a scheduled time slot. 'Act on your erotic instincts whenever they strike, despite the fact that it might seem inconvenient at the time,' advises Kerner. Does the sight of him washing his car rev your engine? Drag him indoors and jump his bones. Who cares if it's Saturday afternoon? 'When you give into your lusty urges at different times of the day, the act itself will be hotter because it's unexpected or at least unplanned,' says Kerner.
Sex Rut #2': 'We're On Autopilot'
Sex Rut #3: 'The Bedroom Is the Only Place We Do It'
Sex Rut #4: 'We're Not Amped Up Anymore'

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Fri, 24 Jun 2011 12:00 +0200
His VIP Pleasure Map http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/his-vip-pleasure-map-pg1
ALL-ACCESS ZONES Neck/Ears
When you're smooching, let your open mouth stray from his lips and wander across his cheeks (so you leave a warm, wet spot behind) then kiss along the side and back of his neck. Just barely whisper or sigh near his ear - the heat of your breath will give him goose bumps. If he likes gentle nibbling or licking above the shoulders, turn him over and mouth his trapezius, the muscle that runs along both sides of the vertebrae near the base of his skull, suggests sex therapist Roz Van Meter. This region is packed with sensitive nerves, and playing in this area sends pleasure waves all over his body.

Sacrum
The bony area just above his tush - aka the tailbone - is full of nerves that run up his spine and over toward his package. Rub all the way down his spine with open hands, and use your thumbs to gently massage the small dents in the area above his bottom. Let a finger slip partway between his cheeks and firmly cup under the bone. 'The cupping sensation that he'll feel in this area will be extremely pleasurable,' explains Van Meter.

Penis
The head is the most sensitive part, particularly around the frenuluni, that little indentation on the underside. 'It's the sensation equivalent of your clitoris,' says Stubbs. 'Flicking the tip of your tongue across it is incredible for him.' Hold the shaft while you tease the tip with your mouth, or wrap your thumb and forefinger firmly around the base so the skin on the shaft is taut. 'Those nerve endings feel closer to the surface when the skin is tight, so every touch or lick becomes intensified,' says sexologist Kenneth Ray Stubbs, author Kiss of Death: A Guide to Oral Sex (Secret Garden).
RESTRICTED AREAS

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Mon, 20 Jun 2011 12:00 +0200
Scorching Secrets http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/scorching-secrets
1. Swirl your tongue around the skin just below the head on the underside of his penis (the fenulum), as though it's a yummy lollipop.

2. During sex, place your fingers on his tailbone, and rapidly press and release. This stimulates the coccygeal nerve, a small mass of vascular tissue, and gives him chills.

3. Treat him to a series of thrills - flash him, grind on his lap - but don't finish him off. Go about your day as usual until finally indulging in toe-curling sex that night.

4. Mid-nooky, nibble anything that hangs from his body (ear lobes, fingers). These appendages are rife with nerves, and stimulating them will supercharge his erection.

5. Blow hot air from your mouth through his underwear.

6. Clip out this article, circle tips you know would push his buttons, and mail it to him anonymously.

7. During doggie-style sex lean on one arm, reach back, and scratch his boys in a circular motion.

8. Place your fist knuckles-up against the area right behind his testicles. Quickly shake your fist to send powerful vibrations into his prostate gland (a.k.a., the male G-spot).

9. Ask what songs he listened to in high school, and play them during a hookup. It will take him back to that time when he was in an almost permanent state of horniness, triggering his primal urges.

10. Rub lotion along your inner thighs, and have him slide his penis in and out between them.

11. Use both sides of your tongue during oral: the bumpy top and the slick bottom.

12. Stand behind him and stroke his penis. This positions your palm flat against his member's sensitive underside, the same way he grips it when he masturbates. Then do a few things he can't do himself like whisper in his ear or kiss his back.

13. While giving him oral, form a ring with your thumb and forefinger at the base of his penis, and pull down so the skin of the shaft becomes taut and extra-sensitive. Plus, the pressure traps blood there, adding to the intensity.

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Thu, 09 Jun 2011 12:00 +0200
Sex Staples http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-staples-pg1
SEX STAPLE 1: Deep, Hardcore Kissing When you're building towards explosive sex, it's slow, sensual tongue-tangling that ups your arousal. To start, relax your mouth and lips by inhaling slowly and letting your jaw fall open slightly, says Cherie Byrd, a US-based Kissing School instructor. 'Brush your lips against his so you merge - not mash - and get that melting, surrendering sensation.' When you feel his tongue slide over yours, keep your tongue soft and loose but never limp. Start slowly swirling your tongue into his to create a rhythm, as if you're painting his tongue with yours. Mix up the action by nibbling on his lip or lightly outlining his upper and lower lips with your tongue. 'As things heat up, don't forget to breathe,' says Byrd. 'Passionate kissing and breathing deeply go hand-in-hand because it spreads the sexual energy all over your body.'
SEX STAPLE 2: Hand Jobs Like He Does Them
SEX STAPLE 3: Dialing The 'O' Operator

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Fri, 03 Jun 2011 12:00 +0200
Max Out Post-Sex Bliss http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/max-out-post-sex-bliss-pg1 Living Sensationally (Jessica Kingsley Publishing). Try these simple tips.

Sight Put peach-coloured bulbs in your bedside lamp. They cast soft light and create that soothing atmosphere you crave.

Don't cover up. About 50% of women develop a pink blush on their face, chest, and stomach post-climax. Seeing the way your body reacts to his will thrill him.
Smell
Sound
Taste
Touch

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Fri, 27 May 2011 12:00 +0200
Your Burning Sex Questions Answered http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/your-burning-sex-questions-answered The Happy Hookup (Ten Speed Press). 'Knowing how to deal with any uncomfortable or unexpected twists and turns with a guy will make sex go more smoothly and spare both of you from embarrassment. So read on, because COSMO is dishing out the sex-etiquette tips you've been asking for. Follow them and your next naughty encounter will be relatively stress-free.

'We had sex and he didn't call. How should I handle the situation?'
Waiting for that first post-sex phone call can be terribly nerve-tweaking, so save yourself the requisite is-he-or-isn't-he-gonna-call freak-out and give him a ring - but just one. 'There's no shame in calling to tell him that you had a great time,' says Greg Behrendt, co-author of He's Just Not That Into You (Gallery). Some men find it sexy if you call them, especially if they aren't totally convinced that you had a good time. However, most men will follow up if they're interested, so if you phone him and he seems distant (or you leave a message and he doesn't return the call), it's a clear sign that he's not planning to pursue things further. But at least now you know.

'I called him the wrong name in bed. How can I make a smooth recovery?'

As crushingly embarrassing (and not just for you) as this situation may seem, it's one carnal faux pas that's easy to fix. It just calls for some serious ego-stroking. Instead of turning it into a melodramatic mea culpa, just say something like 'Wow, you were getting me so hot, my mind went a little berserk.' 'Most guys will be able to bounce back pretty quickly,' says sexologist Dr Ian Kerner, author of Be Honest - You're Not Than Into Him Either (Harper Paperbacks).

'How can I ask a guy I'm dating if he's been tested for STDs without scaring him off?'
The STD conversation is one every COSMO chick has to learn to weather. Even if your guy seems totally trustworthy and assures you he's clean, it's perfectly legit to request those test results on paper. 'If he balks, tell him that it has nothing to do with your feelings for him, nor is it a matter of trust,' says relationship coach Dr Susan Campbell, author of Truth in Dating: Finding Love by Getting Real (New World Library). 'Unfortunately, a lot of people don't even know they have an STD, so explain that it's just something you've decided to ask of all potential partners.' Of course, if you ask him to get tested, be prepared to pony up your own results as well.

'Do I have to admit the number of people I've slept with to him?'
Hell, no. 'If you're completely healthy - meaning STD-free after being tested - and he's aware of that, this is one of-those grey areas in communication where you can keep it a little ambiguous,' says Sherman. 'If you think it's none of his business, say so or be vague and make a joke, like, "More than Jessica Simpson and fewer than Jenna Jameson."'

'Should I reveal to someone I'm casually dating that I'm sleeping with someone else?'

You don't have to, but it is the cool thing to do, especially if you expect the same from him. Don't be ashamed about the fact that you have options. 'Tell him right now, I'm enjoying being single, being with you, and not being in a serious relationship,' suggests Kerner. If he prickles at the thought of you bedding another man, tell him that you respect his feelings but that you want to take things slowly and just enjoy where you are right now, says Kerner. Then concentrate on showing him how into him you are. But be prepared: Your revelation could be a deal breaker, so gear up for the fact that he may choose to walk away... and he's entitled to.

'How do I turn down a kinky sexual request that freaks me out without embarrassing him for bringing it up?'

So your idea of totally off-the-charts erotic doesn't exactly mesh with his. Clashing sex styles don't have to be the death knell of your erotic adventures with each other. 'Make him feel okay about sharing his fantasy by saying something like 'It's great that you feel comfortable enough with me to bring that up, but it's really not my thing,' says Vogels. Once you've made it clear that you aren't interested without making him feel like a superfreak, divert his attention to something that curls your toes and the weird moment will soon be forgotten.

'Is it okay to run to the bathroom after sex to pee or clean up? How long should I wait?'

You may feel compelled to hit the loo as soon as you've finished getting your groove on because you've heard that it's best to pee after sex to avoid getting a UTI, but a lot of guys find it disturbing when you jump off of them like they're the sinking Titanic. So lie back and relax for a few minutes of post-coital cuddling, because you actually have a 30-minute window to pee, according to STD expert Dr Jeffrey Klausner. If half an hour of snuggling is not your thing, wait five or 10 minutes, then pop into the bathroom for a moment to do whatever you need to do. Just don't disappear for eons or dive into the shower for a full-body exfoliation and lather... at least not without inviting him in to soap you up.

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Mon, 23 May 2011 12:00 +0200
Willy Wipe-Out http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/willy-wipe-out-pg1
Cameron's performance is becoming an increasingly common phenomenon, showing it isn't just women who can stage an Oscar-worthy display between the sheets. Men fake orgasms too. And more often than you'd think. 'As a society, we have become more comfortable with discussing female sexuality and what women want, which is a good thing,' explains Don Etkes, sex therapist and author of Loving with Passion. 'But all this dialogue has left men so self-conscious, they might prefer faking an orgasm to telling a woman that, for whatever reason, they're unable to climax.' But, why the deception?

He's Under a Lot of Pressure Long days, work woes, money troubles, tension with family or friends - any of these can put the brakes on the female libido and make reaching climax damn near impossible. So it should come as no surprise that the same lifestyle and stress factors influence whether a guy can cross the finish line. 'When those worries become totally overwhelming, it's difficult for a guy to detach mentally and concentrate on doing the deed,' explains Michael Werner, a urologist specialising in male and female sexual dysfunction. 'Instead of having to admit that he is too tense to peak, he may save face by bluffing.'

Nick*, 28, can definitely relate. 'As I take on more and more career responsibilities, I'm finding myself stretched to capacity,' he says. 'But a self-respecting guy will never, ever acknowledge that he sometimes would rather catch up on sleep than roll around with a naked chick. To get it over with when I'm just not in the right frame of mind, I sometimes have to speed sex along by staging an orgasm.'
He's Anxious About His Performance
He's Been Boozing
He's Just Not That Into You Anymore
How To Deal If You Catch Him Faking It

*Names have been changed


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Thu, 05 May 2011 12:00 +0200
His 5-Second Sex Trigger http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/his-5-second-sex-trigger-pg1
Never fear, you can still hone your detective skills. Mantak Chia, author of The Multi Orgasmic Man (HarperOne), suggests waiting for when 'he moves into the anxious, explosive fourth stage.' This is when the testicles draw up to the body in preparation to ejaculate. So when you feel this happen, pull that crucial finishing trick with one of these moves...

1. Tone and Tease Most women know the importance of having healthy pelvic-floor muscles, yet very few take time to tense and tone them. Make sure you give your love-muscle a much-needed workout by squeezing it around his penis at the onset of his orgasm. Lou Paget, author of How To Be A Great Lover (Broadway Books), says that 'this will not only increase stimulation for him, but it may also lead to a vaginal orgasm for you.'
2. Come Together
3. The G-Spot Massage
4. Pornspiration
5. Alternate To Accumulate

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Fri, 29 Apr 2011 12:00 +0200
His Sex Myths Busted http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/his-sex-myths-busted-pg1
Myth 1: We Love All Things South American Cigars? Love them. Panama hats? Very cool. Girls playing volleyball in G-strings? Absolutely. But Brazilian waxes? Put it this way: ever seen those freaky hairless cats? They're not the only thing that looks weird naked. 'I can't imagine how painful that must be,' says Dan*, 28. 'We don't want you to suffer on our behalf. Besides, would you like it if we did the same?' The phrase 'plucked chicken' springs to mind.
Myth 2: We Love Actresses, But Only Out Of The Bedroom
Myth 3: The Cop-Off, Drop-Off Is Just Chat Avoidance
Myth 4: It's All About Us
Myth 5: Three Is Better Than One

*Names have been changed


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Thu, 28 Apr 2011 12:00 +0200
69?! http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/69-pg1
Noise Pollution Bodily functions have no respect for our need to impress. Just when we want to be at our most sophisticated, they're always ready to spoil the plan, as Samantha*, 29, discovered. 'I wanted our first time to be special so I lit candles, bought sexy lingerie, the works. Just as we were getting really passionate l did a fanny fart. I giggled in embarrassment, which forced out the loudest noise imaginable. He thought it was hilarious, but it ruined my night!'

Sex isn't all soft lighting and silk undies; it's messy, noisy and clumsy, which is why you need a sense of humour. Men love women who can laugh in bed. It relaxes them - which makes them better lovers.
Mum's The Word
Risk-Taking
Sword Swallower
Falling Asleep (Yes, It Does Happen)
Speaking Too Soon
Saucy Surprise

*Names have been changed


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Fri, 15 Apr 2011 12:00 +0200
Make Sex Hotter http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/make-sex-hotter-pg1
'It's the little things you do that add a clever twist to an old trick - whether it's sliding into an adventurous position or conferring a secret fantasy - that give sex a wild, passionate boost,' says Dr Don Etkes, sex therapist and author of Loving with Passion. So, read on and snag the latest sizzling secrets to gaining an erotic edge... and then going right over it. Because there's no such thing as sex that's too damn good.

1. Have You Ever Given Your Man a Mind-Blowing Show? Why sit back and watch everyone shaking their booties to drive the boys wild when you can get in on the fun and put on your own sexy show? It's so hot when a woman is confident enough to be the focus of attention and flaunt her body. Taking it off for your guy isn't just for his viewing enjoyment - seeing him drooling with excitement will get you riled up too. To start, use your hands to direct his attention to one body part at a time, and begin to peel off layers of clothing. Make sure you tease him the entire way. Seductively, let your bra strap slide off your shoulder, then slowly pull it back on; or, flash some flesh, then cover it with your hand or a piece of clothing for a second before baring it completely. Take breaks in your dance to straddle and grind against him.

Tantalise him by cupping your breasts in your hands or rubbing them across his back and chest. Then treat your man to the ultimate eye candy and pleasure yourself while sitting in a chair so that your not-so-private display is right in his line of vision. The one rule: He can look, but he can't touch... at least not until you've given the go-ahead.
2. When Was The Last Time You Had Sex For Longer Than 15 Minutes?
3. Have You Ever Brought a Toy To Bed?
4. How Long Has It Been Since You Did It Outside The Bedroom?
5. When Was The Last Time You Totally Relinquished Control?
6. Have You Shared a Kinky Secret or Fantasy?
7. Do You Know How To Play Connect The Hot Spots?

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Wed, 06 Apr 2011 12:00 +0200
Girls On Film http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/girls-on-film-pg1
It was the end of date number three, and Julie*, 23, was getting hot and heavy with her new guy. All of a sudden, he said 'I'd love to take some photos of you with my new digital camera. Do you mind?' Julie was stunned. Was he serious? 'We did not even know each other's birth dates, and he expected me to let him snap my privates.' She turned down his request with a vague 'Maybe next time' and told her girlfriends about it the next day. 'To my surprise, they weren't shocked at all,' she says. 'In fact, my best friend admitted she'd recently made her own little blue movie with her boyfriend.'

More couples are turning their bedrooms into movie sets. But why? Porn is now everywhere, from the Internet to mainstream TV. 'It's an increasingly acceptable form of entertainment,' explains sex therapist, Dr Ursula Ofman. 'As a result, men are more open about their porn-viewing habits and intrigued by the possibility of duplicating the experience.'

And while making pseudo-porn flicks can add spice to your sex life, in this age of digital streaming and instant Web access, the Paris Hilton fiasco showed that women who take the plunge with a kinky video project don't always come out on top. 'Making tapes or taking pictures can he very exciting for some couples, as long as this isn't the mainstay of their sex life,' says sex expert, Dr Al Cooper. But in some cases, being that sexually risqué can be downright risky... and not just to your reputation. This kind of experimentation can have repercussions in your relationship. Here, we look at the pitfalls of homemade pornography.

OVEREXPOSED The number one risk of making a sex tape is that it gets into the wrong hands. It's not just the stars - like Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee - who have had their dirty tricks come back to bite them. Gabi*, 23, knows the humiliation all too well. When she was at university, she and her boyfriend, Ben*, decided it would be a hoot to document their booty time. 'We were clowning around, talking about this one position that is a real porn-star move - from behind in front of a mirror - and he said, "Let's film it and watch."' 'So we did,' she says.

Gabi insisted on keeping the video. 'I didn't trust him not to show his friends, so I hid it in the back of my cupboard and forgot about it.' A few years later - when Gabi had long since broken up with Ben and was living in the city with her fiancé, Stephen* - she received a disturbing voice-mail message from her father. Apparently, her 13-year-old brother had discovered an 'interesting' tape in her room at home. 'I felt sick. I knew right away what he was talking about. When I built up the courage to call, my Dad explained that my brother had shown the tape to some friends at school and a teacher confiscated the porn and called my parents. He got suspended. My mother and father were pretty cool about it, but I felt like a dirty tramp.'

And if your guy suddenly sours on you, it's more than nosy siblings who can end up seeing your tape or photos. When Stephanie*, 25, broke up with Kevin* after they'd been dating for two years, it was not under great circumstances. 'I was already seeing someone else,' she admits. 'Kevin seemed to handle it well. But a month later, he sent me a link to a website where he'd posted some nude photos of me that he'd taken on our holiday the year before. I'd forgotten all about them!' Unfortunately, it seems that even if both the man and woman are depicted in a photo or video of this nature, the woman usually gets the heat for it. (How many people can even remember the name of Paris Hilton's video playmate?) 'You really need to ask yourself, "How much do l trust my partner?"' says Ofman. 'And more importantly, "Who is going to keep the tape?"'

Alarmingly, many guys like to go public with their handiwork even when you're still a couple. 'Amateur sex sites are increasingly popular on the Internet,' says Cooper. 'And when a guy makes a sex tape, a tremendous part of the appeal can be the thrill of posting it publicly and watching himself - and you - online.'
RAISING THE BAR TOO HIGH
FATAL ATTRACTION

*Names have been changed


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Mon, 04 Apr 2011 12:00 +0200
The (Scary) Truth About Fertility http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-scary-truth-about-fertility-pg1
Gynaecologist and fertility specialist, Dr Mohamed Cassim explains: 'Women are born with a finite number of eggs, and even from early childhood, these eggs progressively degenerate through a process called 'apoptosis', or, natural, programmed cell death. Some cells are identified very early on, e.g. those within the reproductive organs, and for this reason, egg cells become unviable fairly early on in life.'

So, while you may look young and fabulous, in biological terms, by your mid-thirties you're way past your reproductive peak. Says gynaecologist and obstetrician, Dr Charlotte Dahlbäck, 'From age 35-40 there is a linear drop in fertility levels; at age 40, women have a 10% chance of conceiving. At age 45, this becomes a mere 2% as the quality and quantity of egg cells continues to deteriorate. The likelihood of someone above the age of 38 conceiving is remote. From the age of 31, fertility levels decline rapidly.'

Old at 30 It's a common mistake to believe that when you are ready to have a baby, the process will be as simple as stopping contraception and falling pregnant within a few months. And while this can happen, the growth of fertility clinics across the globe signifies that, for many women, the process is much less straightforward.

As Dr Cassim explains, the criteria for egg selection is incredibly stringent – throughout our ovulating life, from a pool of 150 000 eggs per ovary (which are available during puberty) approximately 400 eggs will reach ovulation. Only the healthiest, best-adapted egg cells are selected for fertilisation, and the longer these eggs remain in the ovaries, the less viable they become. Women reach their reproductive peak between the ages of 17 and 20. By 34, while it is still theoretically possible to conceive, a woman is only half as fertile as she was in her early twenties. And with every year she waits, her fertility continues to decline.
Borrowed Time
Staying Healthy Helps

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Wed, 02 Mar 2011 12:00 +0200
Crazy In Bed? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/crazy-in-bed-pg1
So What's 'Good Crazy' Then? One irrefutable finding: guys love it when women are enthusiastic in bed. That may mean eagerly giving and receiving oral sex, wearing hot lingerie, or being up for Round Two. 'Going down on a guy and wearing sexy underwear both signal that you're really into him… and are willing to go that extra mile, visually and physically,' says clinical psychologist Victoria Zdrok, author of Dr. Z on Scoring (Tantor Media). Men also like women who love sex and aren't afraid to try new things. When asked for words associated with 'good crazy', guys said 'creative', 'adventurous' and 'experimental'.
And 'Bad Crazy'?
How To Find His Threshold

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Fri, 11 Mar 2011 12:00 +0200
Sexy Sensations http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sexy-sensations-pg1
So read on to learn how to push your bliss buttons on a daily basis. Recognising and relishing the following erotic opportunities is the ultimate way to deepen your sexual satisfaction.

A One-Glass Wine Buzz The key to unlocking feel-good vibes is letting yourself unwind, and what better way to ease your frayed nerves than with a warm wine rush. 'You'll start to feel hot and tingly all over because red wine is a vascular dilator, meaning it increases blood flow throughout your body, which helps your muscles relax,' says Berman.

To fully take advantage of the boozy benefits, go slow, inhale as you take baby sips, and use a wide-mouthed glass so you get a good whiff. 'The aroma can really trigger a sensory experience, says wine consultant, Lyle Kula. 'A glass of wine is like a bouquet of flowers. There's so much wonderful fragrance that smelling it is a reward in itself.'
Shower Power
The Feel of Cashmere
Rhythmic Beats
Your Libido
A Body Massage
Pure Magnetism

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Tue, 08 Mar 2011 12:00 +0200
Handle His Manhood http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/handle-his-manhood-pg1
Tips For The Top Let's start with the tip. That knobbly bit with the hole in the top is called the glans, and it's the most sensitive piece of the machinery. 'The nerve supply here is exceedingly rich and sits just below the skin,' says Michele Moore, co-author of Dick: a User's Guide (Marlowe & Co). 'It's not the place to get rough - don't use fingernails here.' Pull back the foreskin, if there is one, and you'll see a little arrow where the skin comes together at the top of the glans. 'When you're manipulating the penis, that piece acts as a tether to pull on the rest of the glans,' Moore says. 'It's very receptive - the most sensitive part of the most sensitive part.'

The dimple at the tip, the end of the urethra otherwise known as the meatus ('me-a-tus'), is also sensitive to tongue flicking, longer tongue strokes and even a bit of tongue penetration. 'Wrap your mouth around the head and point the tip of your tongue out so it's a little firm,' advises Sadie Allison, author of Tickle His Pickle! (Tickle Kitty Press). 'Lick in circular emotions and dip into the hole. He may want more or less pressure. Start soft, then ask if you can go harder.'

If your relationship is at the pre-STI-checks stage and you're using a condom, you won't be able to reach this exquisitely sensitive area as easily, but you should focus here anyway - and because there's an extra layer of protection, you can get more aggressive. 'The elasticity of the condom is good in this case,' Allison says. 'If you've put it on properly, you have a good centimetre of latex to play with, either by flicking your tongue or your fingers.' A drop or two of lube inside the condom will also increase his sensitivity, she adds.

Pleasure Tip
To please him while getting your groove on, get on top, Allison says, and 'barely put the tip inside you'. Tease him with the soft folds of skin outside your vagina. 'Twist above it a bit, go up and down lightly just at the tip, swirl it around.' Use it to tickle your love button - a great sensation for both.
Getting The Shaft
Balls and Beyond

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Mon, 07 Mar 2011 12:00 +0200
After Sex... http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/after-sex-pg1 Big Bang Theory re-runs or snoring on the couch. Why? Unfortunately, the cocktail of sex hormones released after both women and men climax can have the opposite effect on our post-sex wish list. 'Studies show that following intercourse, the male brain often goes into a rest state - he feels drained and tired - while the woman's brain is stimulated and intensely desires bonding,' explains Michael Gurian, psychologist and author of What Could He Be Thinking: How a Man's Mind Really Works.

Fear not, though. We've overcome those biological obstacles and identified after-play pleasers that will satisfy you both. Some are designed to short-circuit his snooze reflex and electrify his body; others indulge his just-shagged daze while feeding your need for intimacy. Read on to discover the randy moves that will create the most pleasurable and satisfying after-sex moments you've had with your partner yet.



Pay Him a Carnal Compliment Guys are suckers for hearing about their sizzling sex skills. When you mention the mattress moves that drove you wild, it strokes his ego and makes him feel virile. 'Men can feel anxious about their performance, so they really want to hear it from you that you had a good time in bed,' says Dr Judy Kuriansky, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide To a Healthy Relationship (Phoenix Books). Your flattering feedback will keep him from dozing - he's definitely going to stay awake for this performance assessment - and kick-start light conversation, which you may be in the mood for right about now.

So, recall the evening's erotic events in detail, but don't go too over-the-top with your carnal confessions. 'Whenever a girl raves about the sex but doesn't give specifics, I feel like she's blowing smoke up my arse,' admits Evan*, 27. To start, you can describe your favourite body lock: 'That position where I got on top and we both straightened our legs… wow!' Or opt for a little technique approval: 'I really liked the way you kept so still while I was climaxing.'

Your dirty talk will stay with him long after your thong has been retrieved from the ceiling fan. 'It leaves a sexy impression,' assures Josh*, 25. Plus, there's a long-term benefit to this booty wrap-up: It imprints your 'Yes, please!' moments in his memory for next time.
Give Him a Massage
Take a Shower
Touch Yourself
Snuggle Up

*Names have been changed


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Fri, 25 Feb 2011 12:00 +0200
When Everything Is Great But The Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/when-everything-is-great-but-the-sex-pg1
1. You Suffer From New Couple-ness 'When my current guy and I first got naked, I assumed I'd 'wow' him with all the tricks that thrilled my ex,' recalls Jessica*, 22. 'But he wasn't impressed with my trusty repertoire – if I stroked one spot, he'd ask me to inch over a bit or press harder. We're still trying to smooth things out.'

Why are things not sizzling between Jessica and her boyfriend? Call it force-fed passion. 'A lot of new twosomes so badly want to connect during sex that they try too hard to impress each other, relying on manoeuvres that worked on a past partner or something they picked up watching a movie,' says Kanaris.

In-Sync Solution
Instead of choreographing your moves, let the natural sexual tension build slowly. 'Tell him you just want to fool around and explore each other's bodies with no goal in mind,' suggests Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of The Hot Guide to Safer Sex (Hunter House). Once you discover what turns you both on, use those moves as a starting point for more sensual, spontaneous and effortless sex.
2. His Erotic Efforts Leave You Longing
3. Your Sexual Styles Differ
4. Your Bodies Don't Mould

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Mon, 07 Feb 2011 12:00 +0200
Nipple Nirvana http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/nipple-nirvana-pg1
But your nipples are actually pleasure buttons, capable of priming you for passion. 'No matter how hot your sex life is, it has the potential to be even hotter if you can teach your man the right way to touch and tease this part of your body,' says Dr Patti Britton, clinical sexologist and co-author of The Complete Idiots Guide to Sensual Massage.







A Primer On Your Pointers Before you can transform your man into a pro headlight handler, it helps to understand your own anatomy. A quick lesson: A nipple consists of two parts – the tip and the areola (the surrounding circle of pigmented skin). Both areas are packed with supersensitive nerve endings, which make the tips stand at attention at the slightest stimulation.

But what's even more amazing is that 'there's a direct connection between the nerves in your nipples and your clitoris,' explains clinical sexologist, Dr Michael Ra Bouchard. That's why the right stroke or squeeze leaves you tingling down below.
Give Him a Hand
Get Tongue-Tied


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Fri, 04 Feb 2011 12:00 +0200
Get Connected http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/get-connected-pg1
'When you and he are both able to slow down and enjoy each sensation in the moment, you open yourselves up to ecstasy - instead of just rushing through different strokes and moves to get to the finish line,' explains Tracey Cox, author of More Hot Sex. 'Your minds become as engaged as your bodies are; every touch, sound, sight, smell and taste is magnified,' she says. Yip, we promise you it's not just mushy mumbo-jumbo. Get him to give soulful sex a try and you'll both experience a new, transcendent level of pleasure.






Connection Strategy #1: Breathe In Sync The first step toward achieving an intense connection is to block out background distractions so you can relax and really tune into each other. Sounds silly, but the simplest way to do this is to synchronise your breathing. 'Exhaling and inhaling at the same time helps you focus on your physical closeness,' says Pala Copeland, co-author of 28 Days to Ecstasy for Couples (Llewellyn Publications).

'It also establishes a slow, steady pace and lets you start with similar levels of energy and desire,' Copeland adds. Begin by lying comfortably on your sides, facing each other, your hand on his chest and his on yours. Take slow, deep breaths in tandem until your breathing matches up effortlessly. Kiss and caress each other and you'll notice your arousal levels rise at the same rate, says Copeland.

Another way to get in sync is to alternate inhalations with him: instead of breathing in unison, you inhale as he exhales, and vice versa. This give-and-take action mimics the flow of sex - setting the tone for some intense action later on.
Connection Strategy #2: Uncover Hidden Erogenous Zones
Connection Strategy #3: Make Foreplay Just Foreplay
Connection Strategy #4: Make Eye Contact
Connection Strategy #5: Reach the Highest Pleasure Plane

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Mon, 13 Dec 2010 12:00 +0200
Make Sex Sizzle http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/make-sex-sizzle-pg1
What are we on about? Well, a study found that danger and sexual allure go hand in hand. Here's the theory – a man crossing a shaky bridge to get an attractive woman's number is more likely to call her than a man crossing the sturdy bridge. Why? Excitation transfer: you tend to associate the exhilaration you feel when you're in danger with the person you're with. When it comes to sexual electricity, a little danger really revs things up.

Don't worry – you don't need to risk life and limb, but just understand the rules and you'll soon be having your own mind-blowing 'shaky bridge' sex. How? Follow our titillating tricks...

Get Him To Think Dirty Amp up his excitement levels by letting him know you have sex on your mind away from the bedroom. Subtle stuff can work really well; for instance, just tossing a packet of condoms into the shopping basket and giving him a look lets him know you're having sexy thoughts. Or pull him aside and whisper something suggestive. Obviously, 'I want to have sex with you right here,' does the trick, but the more creative you get, the better. Whisper a naughty fantasy that you'd never really act out…
Treat Him To Some Sexy Sights
Catch Him Off Guard
Tempt and Tease Him
Be a Voyeur
Switch The Venues

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Wed, 26 Jan 2011 12:00 +0200
Boost Your Bliss http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/boost-your-bliss-pg1
But tuning in to the less obvious signs of the stages of arousal - excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution - can help you make the most of each one.

'By being familiar with how your body changes during sex, you'll know what you need to reach sexual satisfaction and orgasm,' says Jennifer Berman, co-author of Secrets of the Sexually Satisfied Woman.









Stage 1: Excitement This is when you start responding to desire. You don't need physical stimulation to become aroused but you do need to be physically - and mentally - turned on to progress through this phase. Once you begin to have sex, try to stay focused and make sure he stimulates your clitoris so the excitement continues to build.

Your Nipples Perk Up
Blood flow to the skin's surface increases, causing the muscles surrounding your nipples to stiffen. As blood vessels swell, your areolas become darker and more responsive to touch. Make sure your man keeps them aroused.

Your Genitals Become Engorged
'The change in blood flow also makes the clitoris larger, harder and more sensitive,' explains Dr Sarah Brewer from Amora, the Academy of Sex And Relationships. It's the perfect time for your man to give you oral or manual pleasure. Your vaginal walls enlarge by 30% to 50%, and the inner and outer lips swell.

To amp up arousal, Berman suggests you regularly do 'Kegels' - contracting your pelvic floor muscles (the ones that stop you weeing). 'This draws blood to the genitals, making them more sensitised.'

Your Body Boosts Lubrication
'It's important to realise that lubrication is to women what erections are to men,' says Mary Jane Minkin, author of A Woman's Guide To Sexual Health. In response to arousal, your cervix and vaginal glands swell and secrete fluid to ease the pathway for a penis. If you become dry, do what it takes to boost excitement - get lost in a fantasy or make him touch you the way you like to generate more wetness.

You Get The 'Sex Flush'
Due to increased blood flow to the head, your neck, chest and face may turn slightly red, although it's most obvious in fair-skinned women.
Stage 2: Plateau
Stage 3: Orgasm
Stage 4: Resolution

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Wed, 19 Jan 2011 12:00 +0200
The Ultimate Seduction Guide http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-ultimate-seduction-guide-pg1
'The best flirts are those who flirt with everybody,' affirms Peta Heskell, who runs her own Attraction Academy in the UK. 'It's a matter of feeling great about who you are and spreading it to other people.'

Here are the four techniques that'll raise your seduction game from panda to panther...

Secret #1: Act Like a Man Not in the 'rearrange your balls and down beer' sense, of course - research shows that when women assume the 'traditional' male role of sexual hunter-gatherer, men are mesmerised. 'Men are used to being the instigators of flirtations,' says sex therapist, Rachel Morris, 'but it doesn't mean they always enjoy that role. A sexy woman cheekily chatting them up is often a huge turn-on.'

And you don't have to use cheesy lines either - a linguistic study found that simple flattering remarks, such as, 'I love your jacket,' are highly effective, especially as men receive fewer compliments than women. But steer clear of obvious sexual innuendo, which suggests you're only after one thing. 'Personality-based' compliments, such as, 'Great choice of movie' are far more effective. (Of course, if you are only after one thing, go right ahead with the 'nice pecs' line.)

Other typically 'male' behaviours that men love include having a drink bought for them, says dating expert Brenda Della Casa, author of Cinderella Was a Liar. 'It flips the ball neatly back into his court and means you can join him for a drink, too,' she says. It also suggests that you're fun and up for a good time.

And who can forget those movie scenes when a girl challenges a man to a game of pool, sizzling with sexual overtones? Focusing on his desire to win - and show off to you - sets up a flirtatious bout of sparring, which works even when you're already part of a couple. 'You're instantly appealing to his competitive side, while giving him a chance to get to know you,' explains Della Casa.
Secret #2: Don't Stare But Blink... a Lot
Secret #3: Be JSE (Just Suggestive Enough)
Secret #4: Don't Play Too Hard To Get

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Mon, 20 Dec 2010 12:00 +0200
Decode His Sex Style http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/decode-his-sex-style-pg1
He Prefers: Classic Missionary Van Rood says: 'Missionary is great for talking to each other during sex but if your man opts for the position most nights, chances are he's a bit of a traditionalist. Fine if you want someone who's reliable - not so great if you prefer a bit of excitement.'

Bored? Exit the comfort zone with the 'cowgirl' position – you squatting on top, feet planted for balance. It'll make him realise that variety is the spice of life.
He Prefers: Girl On Top
He Prefers: Doggy Style
He Prefers: Kinky
He Prefers: Spooning

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Fri, 10 Dec 2010 12:00 +0200
Rules Of Women Who Love Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/rules-of-women-who-love-sex-pg1
Be Prepared 'My unbreakable rule? Yoga, three times a week. I pride myself on being able to twist into otherwise unattainable positions. lf nothing else, I'll be the most memorable he's ever had.'
Sarah, 29

'I use down-time during the day to fantasise about sex. In meetings, I have to sit at the back so that none of my colleagues can see my naughty doodles. At my desk, I'll sneak a peek at spicy websites. This keeps me in a constant state of... not frenzy, exactly, but happy horniness. I find it puts me in a good mood and, of course, leaves me energised for sex (rather than wilted and mopey) when I get home at the end of another long and boring office-drone day.'
Sarah, 26

I'll keep a sex diary to detail all my exploits - the great ones, the sweet ones, the fun ones, the romantic ones. Even the disasters. When I feel I'm falling into a relationship rut, I'll read it for memories; when I'm lonely and perennially single, I read it to remind myself what a babe I am. I'll never give it up. Never.'
Debbie, 22

'I only use the gentlest of body washes - a brand designed for babies. No scent, no dyes. I like being clean and healthy 'down there' and my 'down there' seems to appreciate the sentiment.'
Jenny, 26
Solo Action
Essential Accessories
Fabulous Foreplay
The Main Event

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Wed, 08 Dec 2010 12:00 +0200
Could a Sex Ban Improve Your Love Life? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/could-a-sex-ban-improve-your-love-life
A sex ban to improve your love life may seem like a contradiction, but radical problems require radical solutions. 'We've become obsessed with performance, so sex just becomes about bumping together genitals,' says leading sex therapist Andrew G Marshall, author of I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You (Bloomsbury). 'Also, couples are often tired, so they get stuck in a trap where they either have full intercourse or nothing. If we're too exhausted to perform, we end up not having sex. And when we do, we rush through it.'

Marshall advises taking penetration out of the picture for an entire month, and he's not the only expert who's on the sex-ban wagon. Why is it such a popular approach? Well, it's basic human nature that when we can't have something, it becomes a hundred times more desirable. I'll never forget the compensatory smooching sessions with an ex when bouts of cystitis took sex off the agenda. Although not a voluntary break, it worked wonders at re-igniting our passion. We were both suddenly desperate for the very thing we knew we couldn't have. For those of you secretly relieved at the idea of a sex-free month, such a ban immediately frees you from feelings of guilt and pressure - not exactly great libido boosters. 'By adopting a ban, couples are putting boundaries in place and these remove all the pressure. This is particularly helpful for those complaining of low desire,' says counsellor Mo Kurimbokus.

But it isn't about going without physical intimacy - a sex break is about approaching it all differently. 'There's nothing wrong with doing other stuff,' says Marshall. 'The idea is to break patterns in order to discover new things.' Instead of lazy late-night coupling, a sex ban forces you to discover fresh ways to find pleasure. 'We no longer see foreplay
just as a build-up to sex; we start to remember that it's enjoyable in its own right. It allows us to find new ways to enjoy our bodies - from kneading to gentle slapping. It's all about using your imagination, which is the best sexual tool of the lot,' explains Marshall. 'You'll be giving yourself more choices than the usual bump and grind.'

It was during such a self-imposed ban of sex that Cara, 25, discovered the joys of gentle bondage. 'My relationship with Rob was going through a rocky patch and we weren't sure whether we still wanted to be together,' she says. 'We thought that if we took sex out of the picture, we'd be able to see things more clearly. One night we started playing with a silk scarf I'd been bought as a present. I never realised it had so many uses! It was draped over my clitoris, wrapped around his penis and then, finally, around my wrists. We played for hours and it was delicious.' Marshall approves: 'It's all about playing and being creative. Sex can be too grown up for your own good.'

Just getting back to basics may be helpful. 'A sex break forces us to learn the skill of touch,' says Kurimbokus. Remember the explosive effect of those hot and heavy teenage kisses? Be prepared to experience the 'less is more' effect once again. 'If you spent half an hour having your ear nibbled, you'd probably be more turned on than if you were having sex swinging from the chandeliers,' says Marshall.

BORN AGAIN VIRGINS

Sometimes, just a massage can do the trick. By the time Rebecca, 29, and James, 26, were put on a sex break by their counsellor, their sex life was almost non-existent. 'Like most couples, we couldn't get enough of each other in the beginning. But then we moved in together and all our energy went into making a home. By the time we'd finished decorating, our love life was over, too. The counsellor gave us sex homework. The first week we were only allowed to give each other sensual massages, which meant everywhere but the genitals. We took it seriously and religiously. For the second week's homework, we were allowed to touch each other everywhere but still not have sex. We lasted two days. Within half an hour of the second session, we were at it like rabbits. Things have been fine ever since!'

Both Marshall and Kurimbokus stress that a sex break is just as advantageous to men. 'Even if a man is impotent, it gives him a chance to be sexual without the pressure of penetration,' says Marshall. 'And while quickies are a release for men, ultimately they're not satisfying for them either.' Kurimbokus has seen men becoming more sensual. 'Before, all the emphasis was on full intercourse, which might have been one of the things putting his partner off, but as he becomes more in touch with his emotions and learns the importance of touch, the woman feels more relaxed about intercourse,' he says. Taking a sex break can also unite you as a couple.

'You start working as a team to find a way around the ban,' adds Marshall. 'You feel special towards each other and this helps recapture the feelings of the early days in the relationship.' By refraining from sex, you are also building up that sense of anticipation you felt in the beginning. You can fantasise about sex with him all over again.

A sex break can boost your own self-esteem, too. Emily Dubberley, author of Things a Woman Should Know About Seduction, asked her man for a 'bedroom pause' quite early on in the relationship, when she felt the sex was overshadowing getting to know each other. 'It gave me confidence in the relationship when he agreed to it and showed me how much he really liked me. l realised he liked everything about me and didn't just see me as a sexual partner.'

lf all these reasons have got you gagging for a sex break, remember that it has to be mutual. 'I'm not in favour of unilateral withdrawal - it might result in bitterness rather than you sharing a sexual journey,' says Marshall. Agreement to a sex break is essential and stops resentment building up. 'It becomes a decision that you're making together rather than a situation where you're repeating "I'm not in the mood,''' says Dubberley.

Of course, you could go all the way and have a complete ban. Fascinating fact: under Orthodox Jewish law, a woman may not have sex with her husband (or even touch him) during her period, and for a full seven days after. This, so the thinking goes, means that husband and wife won't tire of each other. The author of Kosher Sex (Main Street Books), Shmuley Boteach, says we should all be doing it. 'Allow your sexual steam to build up. Let yourself become an obsessed sexual being who thinks about your spouse constantly and wishes to release all that pent-up sexual desire with him or her.'

Whether it's a total ban or a month of glorious foreplay when the time comes to vanquish your born-again virginity, Dubberley advises making it an occasion.

'Go on a date first, and then soak in a bath together and try to hold out for as long as you can resist. Finally, look into each other's eyes at the point of orgasm, see each other without your masks and share that special moment.' So, while the thought of a sex ban might have some of us gasping in horror and the rest of us sighing with relief, once the ban is over, it looks like we'll all be gasping and sighing from sexual pleasure instead.

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Wed, 08 Dec 2010 12:00 +0200
The Worst Thing I Ever Said In Bed http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-worst-thing-i-ever-said-in-bed-pg1 The Ex Factor
'I was falling asleep after a good "first lay" but she wanted to talk about feelings, which is a mean trick when a bloke is in an all-too-honest state of semi-consciousness. I let it slip that she was a device to help me get over an ex who'd messed up my head. I added sweetly, 'But thanks, you're doing a great job!' Surprisingly, she stuck around for a while – but with noticeably reduced self-esteem.'
Olly, 28

Top Dog
'I hooked up with a girl in a club and we went back to my place and slept together. In the morning I woke up and blurted out, "Thank God! You're not a dog!" Amazingly she took it well, adding, "Charming - I passed the test then?" We dated for a few weeks after that. I think it showed we had a similar sense of humour.'
Mike, 31

A Marked Man
'I came home drunk one night and jumped into bed with my girlfriend, Debbie*. She woke up and, as we started to make out, I whispered into her ear, "Don't worry, Debbie won't be back for ages," then passed out. When I woke up, she'd written "l am an asshole" on my chest in permanent marker pen. I had no recollection of why I'd said it and although we're still together, she won't let me forget.'
James*, 22

Butt of the Joke
'The first time I slept with Sam*, it turned out she had a penchant for dirty talk and she reeled off the things she wanted to do to me. Then I realised I'd have to join in. I racked my brains for something to say but the only thing I could come up with was, "I want to bite your big fat ass." She looked at me in horror. I tried to explain that it just "came out" but I don't think she believed me. We dated for a few more weeks, but it was never the same and eventually she stopped returning my calls. Her bum wasn't even that big!'
Pete*, 26

*Names have been changed

MADE A BEDROOM BLOOPER?

Don't despair, says COSMO's sex therapist, Rachel Morris, it's (usually) possible to backtrack.

Turn It Into a Clunky Compliment 'If you said something you thought was innocent, don't try to take it back. Instead, put a positive slant on your comment. It may have been a bizarre compliment, but make them see it was a compliment all the same.'
Explain Your Way Out Of It
Embarrassment Can Be a Good Thing (Promise!)
If All Else Fails, Laugh

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Thu, 02 Dec 2010 12:00 +0200
Boy, That Penis Is Kinda Weird http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/boy-that-penis-is-kinda-weird-pg1 She Comes First (HarperCollins). Where to start? Give these sex-scenario fixes a go.

His Penis Is Small It can be a let-down when you discover your partner's package is a lot smaller than your ex's. However, according to Joy Davidson, author of Fearless Sex, bigger isn't always better.

'A small penis tends to fit nicely against your G-spot, whereas a larger one can miss it entirely,' she says. The best positions for that bulls-eye?

'Woman-on-top and sitting on his lap while facing him – both maximise G-spot pleasure,' says relationship therapist Dr Bonnie Eaker Weil. Another trick: pick a position that makes the most of his penis when it's inside you, such as doggy style. 'Arch your back so you feel as if he's going deeper, and pulse your PC muscles to create a tighter fit,' Weil says.
He Can Never Go Again
He Can't Hold On
He Smells Down There

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Thu, 25 Nov 2010 12:00 +0200
Your Orgasm - Guaranteed http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/your-orgasm-guaranteed-pg1
'Trying to accomplish complicated acrobatics distracts you from the sex itself, so you focus on how you contort yourself, rather than just experiencing the sensations,' explains sex educator Dorian Solot, co-author of I Love Female Orgasm (Marlowe & Co). 'When you want to climax, the simplest positions are often also the best. With a few modifications, you can make them even more orgasm-inducing.'

So, with that in mind, we've custom-designed some of the carnal classics to make sure you always hit the high notes.

1. THE SLOW CLIMB You'll never see the missionary position in the same way again. 'Lie on your back, put a pillow underneath your bottom, lift your hips and bring your legs up towards your shoulders, as if you're folding your body in half,' says Solot.

This move allows him better ease of thrusting and deeper penetration - a perk for both of you; plus it can stimulate your G-spot. But consider it a warm-up to get the zone primed for a more intense orgasm.

Once your G-spot feels sufficiently aroused, put your legs down and get him into the coital alignment technique (CAT) position. 'He's on top but lifts his pelvic bone upwards, aligning it with your clitoris,' explains sex therapist Dr Gloria Brame. 'Then he rocks against the area until you climax. The legs-up position is a slow burn that brings you to the brink and increases sensitivity,' she adds. 'Then the addition of clitoral rubbing takes you over the edge in a bigger way than if you'd done the CAT on its own.'
2. THE DOWN DOG
3. THE CRISS-CROSS
4. THE GIDDY-UP
5. TORRID TABLE TOP
6. THE LUSTY LAP DANCE
7. THE SPOON

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Fri, 19 Nov 2010 12:00 +0200
Light The Fire http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/light-the-fire-pg1
One-Woman Show Run a bubble bath and place lit candles around the edge. Sitting face to face, put your legs between his and let them fall apart, giving him a great view and maximum access. Now, let your hands explore your body, the way you would if he wasn't there. If you get self-conscious, rest your head back and close your eyes. Ask him to touch himself as he's watching you. Watching a man masturbate is seeing him at his most vulnerable and natural.
Creative Writing
Body Slide
Everywhere But…
Body Bump

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Thu, 04 Nov 2010 12:00 +0200
Turn Head Sex Into Bed Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/turn-head-sex-into-bed-sex-pg1
We've gathered five top sex fantasies and will show you how to turn from nervous novice into super sex siren overnight.

THE FANTASY: A Threesome Why It's Hot: So many women are curious about what it'd be like to feel smooth breasts instead of a hard chest, to kiss soft lips instead of stubbly ones. We get dozens of letters every month from readers who worry about the fact they fantasise about being with a woman, with or without a guy involved. In fact, it's just utterly normal curiosity. Women's bodies are so much prettier and there are tons to be seen, from art museums to naughty magazines. Curves and lush lips are sensuous things and this fantasy is not only common, it's entirely natural.

Difficulty Training: Real threesome: VERY HIGH; fantasy threesome: LOW.

How To Do It:Acting on a threesome is a notorious relationship-killer. What seems fun in the mind can become awkward in a real social situation. How do you chat up a woman? Even if she likes you, who's to say she'll like him? Then, of course, there's the awkwardness after the deed is done. But there's no need to start pawing through your phone book yet, wondering why you don't know more attractive, up-for-it brunettes – you can fulfil this one with just a bit of imagination. 'Verbally talk your partner through it,' says Patrick Harbula, a life coach who specialises in sexual, coaching. He suggests that next time you're in bed together, you pretend a threesome's happening. 'Describe every step of it. It's even better if the person whose fantasy is being fulfilled hears about it from their partner.' Tell him to describe the whole scenario to you – and any guy worth his salt will surely have several such scenarios worked out – and as he becomes more comfortable (thanks to your encouragement), the picture you're building up can become ever more daring. You'll find this just as satisfying as the real thing, with the biggest bonus being an absence of post-sex awkwardness.
THE FANTASY: Sex With a Stranger
THE FANTASY: Being Ravished
THE FANTASY: Dominating Your Man
THE FANTASY:Sex In Public

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Thu, 28 Oct 2010 12:00 +0200
First-Night Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/first-night-sex-pg1
But with an adult sleepover, there's much more at stake, especially if it's a first time.

Here's how to negotiate the territory so you don't wake up desperate to prise yourself from his vice-like spoon grip, grab your clothes and head for the door.

The Warning Signs Get Clued Up
Rather than getting your first glimpse of his place when you've had too many cocktails to make a proper assessment, check it out when a sleepover isn't on the cards. For instance, suggest picking him up en route to one of your dates – and turn up just a tad early in the hope he'll invite you in for a quick peek while he's getting ready. That way you can get the lay of the land before deciding whether you want to share a duvet with him. Here are some things you should keep an eye out for when surveying his place:

Other Women's Stuff
lf you're after something a little more serious than a one-nighter, look for any evidence of 'juggling'. For example, pictures of 'ex' girlfriends, women's jewellery, condom wrappers in the bin or tampons in the bathroom (few men are that considerate). Even if he has a female flatmate, his room at least should be devoid of girls' underwear. (And if there's a photo of his mother on his bedside table, that's worse than all of the above – there's no way you can ever compete with her.)

Cleanliness (If Any)
There's a difference between being a bit disorganised (clothes all over the floor) and being a health hazard (plates that could walk to the sink by themselves). Cut him some slack if he's guilty of the former; drop him faster than an Idols reject if it's the latter. If his flat's a pigsty, he obviously doesn't care about first impressions, which means he's not looking for any repeat encounters. The first time our friend Jennifer, 23, slept over at X's house, she witnessed a horrifying scene: 'l had a chocolate wrapper l wanted to throw away, so he took it from me, opened a cupboard door and tossed it in. Inside, there was a pile of rubbish nearly a metre high'. It seems the bins were 'too far from the flat', so he thought it would be a good idea to keep rubbish in the cupboard. For eight months. 'Call me fussy, but that's the point at which l lost all interest.'

Age-Appropriate Décor
Depending on how many years out of school/university he is, you should temper your tolerance. If he's a recent graduate, a few faux pas are tolerable; if he's pushing 30, any of the following real-life sins are grounds for dismissal: cartoon duvet covers, a collection of action figures, Pamela Anderson posters, or a single bed. Know this: anyone with a single bed is not interested in a serious, mature relationship.
Pre-Sleepover Pillow Talk
Exit Strategies

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Fri, 22 Oct 2010 12:00 +0200
Solo Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/solo-sex
'Instead of lying flat on my back, I prefer to lie on my stomach. Then, I slip my fingers underneath my body and down below. Being on my tummy creates a tighter sensation and allows me to feel every ripple of pleasure much more strongly.' Jessica, 21

'Occasionally, I have a hard time arousing myself, so I like to put a dollop of lube on two fingers. Then I make light circles around my clitoris. As I get more excited, I add more pressure; the extra lubrication makes it feel really smooth. Right before I climax, I flex my pelvic floor muscles – it usually sends me right over the edge.' Dana, 31

'When I'm almost at the point of orgasm, I call my boyfriend. I love telling him what I'm in the middle of doing. It instantly gets him excited, and he loves listening to me having fun with myself. Knowing I can share something so personal with him is a turn-on for me, too.' Ella, 20

'I'm all about using a vibrator when my boyfriend isn't around. I set it on a medium-to high speed and put it directly on my clitoris. When I'm on the brink of climaxing, I move it so just the very tip enters my vagina – it always gives me a really powerful ending. I would never tell my boyfriend this, but sometimes I even prefer it more than having him there.' Tamara, 23

'My detachable showerhead works wonders – the warm water and steady pressure are all it takes. I prop up one leg on the edge of the bath and point the spray between my legs. Every once in a while, I'll bring the spray up to my nipples, then lower it back down to arouse other parts of my body.' Brianna, 34

'I have a really hard time getting myself in the mood. It helps if I think of an extra hot movie scene with a sexy leading man. I particularly like the library scene with Keira Knightley and James McAvoy in Atonement.' Elise, 23

'Being in the right position is the most important thing. I have to be comfortable and able to use my hands at the same time. I like to lean back in a big cushy armchair instead of lying down on my bed. Being more upright keeps me focused on what I'm doing and makes it easier for me to reach down and touch all my hot spots.' Susie, 29

'My apartment has a luxurious spa in the bathroom. I like to put the jets on high, sit so I'm about 30cm away from them, then open my legs so the water shoots straight at my clitoris.' Karla, 25

'I prefer to use a tapping motion: I put my middle and index fingers together as if I'm checking my pulse, then I gently tap them over my clitoris. I go fast or slow and change the pressure depending on how quickly I want to orgasm.' Kim, 21

'I straddle the arm of the couch and ride it. I like moving my pelvis back and forth, and sometimes I even move my hips up and down. It feels almost exactly like rubbing up against my partner.' Prue, 29

'A few light tugs on my labia feel incredible and help get me excited enough to continue with some more intense stroking.' Samantha, 30

'I cross my legs, then slide two fingers between my clenched thighs and rub myself.' Nic, 25

'I vary my breathing while touching myself. I take long, slow, controlled breaths, alternating them with quick, heavy pants. It gets my heart going and makes the pleasure and sensations I'm feeling even deeper – like yoga!' Gina, 24

'My vibrator has tons of speeds. I start off with the fastest one, then work my way back to the slowest. I alternate between speeds for a while – it gets me really excited. Finally, when I'm getting close to orgasm, I put it back on the highest speed. The sudden switch helps me orgasm every time.' Cassie, 27

'While my right hand is down below, I reach up and pull my hair. I don't know why, but simultaneously feeling that pulling sensation at the top of my body and down below sets me off.' Lauren, 19

'As I orgasm, I curve my finger and press it against my vaginal wall. Then I stimulate my G-spot with my finger. I like to alternate between rubbing it and patting it. It's the most blissful feeling ever.' Carrie, 28

'Fantasy is a major part of helping me set the right mood. If I'm not thinking sexy thoughts, I can't get off. While I'm touching myself, I like to imagine the kind of guy I'd really want to sleep with - what his body looks like, the way he kisses, the texture of his fingers even what his face looks like as he climaxes.' Ann, 23

'First, I take a long, hot shower and use a vanilla-scented body wash. Then I go to my bedroom, light candles, put on sexy music, and rub moisturiser over my entire body. Finally, I begin touching myself. Starting slowly gets me really excited and ready to orgasm.' Rachael, 26

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Thu, 14 Oct 2010 12:00 +0200
Sexual Comfort Zone http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sexual-comfort-zone-pg1 Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man. Men have anaesthetised to mild naughtiness, so they crave kicking things up a notch with role-playing, participating in light bondage, or other risqué tricks.

This is especially true for older guys. 'The older a man is, the more experience he's had,' notes Barbara Keesling, author of Men in Bed. But broadening your boundaries need not involve whips or chains. Anything non-routine will fire you both up by increasing production of the brain's feel-good chemicals adrenaline and dopamine. These erotic ideas are just what you need:

Get (a Little Bit) Rough 'Being a little rough releases endorphins,' says Keesling. But take it slow. 'You need to know how sensitive your partner is,' warns Kerner. 'Experiment by gradually touching him harder and harder until you know how much he can take.'

• During a passionate foreplay session, tug his hair with one hand so you're pulling his head back a bit. Or lightly bite on his lower lip. He'll also be turned on by being forced to take such a submissive position.
• During missionary-style sex, grab on to his buttocks and give him a light swat. When a guy is turned on, the surprise sting of a slap sends a bolt of very pleasurable adrenaline through his system.
• Start giving him oral sex. Once he's rock hard, very gently rub your teeth up and down his shaft for a minute or so. Then, turn him on with your tongue. Alternate the two – not knowing when you are going to switch it up will make him feel vulnerable, and the potential of discomfort will put him on edge. 'Anxiety can be exciting,' says Patti Taylor, founder of expandedlovemaking.com. 'It causes the same physiological responses as arousal.'
Shock His Jocks Off...
Be a Little Kinky
Engage In Public Displays of Eroticism…
Explore Tempting New Territory
Working Out The Kinks…

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Fri, 08 Oct 2010 12:00 +0200
Sex on Speed Dial http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-on-speed-dial-pg1
Set rules apply A Friends-With-Benefits situation can be confusing. Can you sleep with other people? How often should you call each other? To avoid awkwardness, set up some parameters. And that means having a talk, which ironically may be what you think an FWB arrangement will spare you from.
You may get attached
The chance of romance is slim
Your ex is fair game
The friendship will be different
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Thu, 23 Sep 2010 12:00 +0200
What's Your Sex Deal-Breaker? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/whats-your-sex-deal-breaker
Let me explain. In our relationships we have dos and don’ts. First, we have the ideal list, the things we’d really like from our partner if we lived in a perfect world (do cook all our meals, do buy us Chloé bags, don’t consider your ability to burp a rugby anthem a talent worthy of Idols). Then there’s the most important list – the list of what we require to make us happy with a man (sense of humour, fidelity, not having a wife and two kids).

Finally, there’s the sex list. You probably aren’t as aware of it as you are of the others. But think about it – I bet you have a couple of vital requirements, and if he doesn’t deliver them he’s history, no matter how gorgeous he is. These are your sex deal-breakers, or SDBs: the dos and don’ts of making you physically and emotionally satisfied.

CHECK... MATE
SDBs are different for everyone. From a straw poll of my friends, I found we all had our own particular issues. There was my ‘finish yourself off’ (selfish = doesn’t give a shit = see ya), small penises (‘They say size doesn’t matter – but what can you do with a mini mushroom?’), hairy backs (‘I want to sleep with a man, not a fluffy toy’) and condom issues (‘No shag is worth my life’). Not to mention the fundamental one: not getting an orgasm (‘Really, what’s the point then?’). You see, all different.

That said, there does appear to be one constant – we all agreed cleanliness is next to godliness. In other words, if you want a bit of this goddess, some cleanliness is in order. My friend Adwoa, 28, agrees. ‘I went out with a grubby guy: his flat was a mess and the first time he stayed over, I had to ask him to brush his teeth. He acted surprised, like I was asking a big favour. In the morning we had sex, then he went to work. He didn’t even shower!’ This was too much for Adwoa, so she dumped him. ‘I make an effort, so why couldn’t he?’

Deb, a 27-year-old consultant, is just as adamant about her SDB: ‘Size and selfishness are non-negotiables. Size does matter. It doesn’t have to be huge but it certainly can’t be small. Mainly because size is a significant factor in the man’s confidence and capability, and that’s important to me. Likewise, selfishness in bed is a huge turn-off. I can’t stand men who treat sex as a display of their physical prowess.’ Another friend, Becky, 27, a journalist, is with her on that one. If he doesn’t give her an orgasm, forget it. ‘Orgasms should be as essential for the girl as the guy! He should try his hardest to help you have a good time in bed. If he doesn’t care about you having fun, I think it says a lot about him as a person.’

BOOTY FOOL
And there’s the problem. For the most part, we can train men out of their bad habits – teach him what pleases us, get him to wax his back and drag him into the shower. But the most important SDBs are the deeper, more emotional ones. My friend Kate, 35, a teacher, is quite definite about her ultimate turn-off. ‘My deal-breaker is any reference to previous girlfriends in bed. The old “it always worked for X” routine is deeply unattractive and shows a lack of sensitivity.’

Another SDB for Adwoa is the booty call. ‘I can’t stand the idea of them. I don’t want to be the girl who comes to mind when he’s sitting in a pub and thinks, “I fancy a shag, I’ll call Adwoa” and all his friends are there laughing. It’s to do with my upbringing, I suppose. I was brought up to think men should treat you like a princess. I’m not grateful to get guys; I think “lucky them” if they get me!’

Caroline, 26, an estate agent, is a romantic at heart and her SDB shows that. ‘I clearly think I live in a film but I want all the romance. All the time! If they seem bored or distracted in the bedroom, they can bugger off. I want that “the world revolves around us” feeling. I’m a spoilt only child and I demand the attention!’

Deb, she of the size-queen tendencies, has profound reasons for her SDBs too: ‘Once I had a fling with a guy nine years younger than me that was very much based on lust.’ Back then, her checklist would have read: do have frequent sex, great fun and get physical satisfaction. ‘By contrast, in my current long-term relationship, the checklist (and the sex) is about feeling loved, wanted and secure. Frequency and quality are important but I’m after emotional and physical satisfaction. Closeness and caring are essential items on the checklist now.’

That’s a huge point about our SDBs, isn’t it? They pretty much show where you’re at, emotionally, physically and mentally at the moment. That’s certainly true of me. I reckon, 10 years ago, the don’ts on my SDB list would have read: ‘short, ugly, teeny peeny and unadventurous in bed.’ (I’m aware of the fact that makes me sound like a body fascist nymphomaniac.) But now my list is different. Now I would still prefer my man to be attractive but I’m not so hung up on looks – experience has taught me a pretty face doesn’t necessarily equal sexy. No, attitude and charisma count for much more. And as for size? Well, yes, a chipolata isn’t going to bring tears of joy (or anything) to my eyes, but I’ve learnt ‘bigger’ men often rely solely on their size and make no effort, whereas ‘smaller’ man can be very attentive...

Of course, I still want some adventurous loving – but combined with the ‘making love’ stuff, too. I once had ‘out there’ sex with a young stud (I think he’d burgled an Adult World warehouse) but he was probably better acquainted with my cervix than my surname and, strangely, such things matter to me now. Mainly because I know myself better and like myself more. My SDB list of don’ts would now read: ‘unfaithful, selfish, unreliable, not loving, disrespectful.’ I know what I need (and deserve) to make me happy and that’s the loving stuff, the cuddles, the adoration, the concern and the respect.

So we know we have the lists, and why, but what do we do with that knowledge? If a man is guilty of an SDB or two, should we strike him out? ‘Absolutely,’ says Adwoa. ‘When you’re really young you compromise, but not when you’re older. I’m not a particularly faithful girl, so if they don’t hit my list, I won’t want sex with them and I won’t be faithful to them. I need the things on my list.’

You could say this was shallow, that deal-breakers are an excuse to avoid intimacy. But I disagree. They're a way of sussing out your compatibility with someone, of maintaining your standards and being true to yourself. You have to know what you like and expect because that’s what’s going to make you happy. And if sex with your man isn’t making you happy, you’re better off finishing with him and, yes, finishing yourself off, too.

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Fri, 17 Sep 2010 12:00 +0200
Inside His Head http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/inside-his-head
‘I think about getting into the shower with her. Oh, and having sex, of course.’
Thabo Mgqibi*, 28, Cape Town

‘I think it just depends on what you were thinking before she was naked. If I liked her, the first thing I’d think is “Finally!”. I’d focus on the bits I really like and not the minor imperfections. If she was a girl I just wanted to hook up with, or someone I’m seeing naked for the first time, I’d either be thinking “Wow, she’s really hot,” “Better than I expected,” or “Damn! Those tight jeans and push-up bra did a lot of work”. In general, I guess the first thought is overall appearance; I only start thinking about specific things afterwards. She can look good naked without being perfect anyway.'
Sudeshan Pillay, 24, Durban

‘I usually think something along the lines of, “God, if you’re really there and you’re listening to this, you did good. Really, nice work. Thank you.” I love naked girls!'
Andre Leo, 20, Stellenbosch

‘Well, I think the first thing I’d think would be “Wow, there’s a naked girl in front of me,” and from there on it’s the process of checking out the boobs and the bum…'
Greg Carlin, 28, Johannesburg

‘Firstly, I’d look to see if she has a nice body before moving to her face. Then I’d think “Hell Yeah!”.'
Wayne Levy*, 26, Cape Town

‘Assuming I am attracted to her, the first thing I think about is her “O” face. As she is naked, I would assume we’re about to get going, so I’d think about everything that is hopefully about to happen and the reaction thereof, in other words, the “O” face.’
Adam Scott*, 24, Johannesburg

‘I think it depends largely upon who it is you're looking at. Not in a physical sense so much as what that particular person means to you. When you see someone naked who you don't really care about or know all that well, you think about all of the usual things, like breasts, ass, face and how it’s all put together. As everyone has said a million times, men are very visual about attraction and if there isn’t anything about the person to hold your attention, then physical attributes are the first things that come to mind. As cliché as it sounds, when you care about someone, seeing them naked is completely different. There’s an association you make with someone that goes beyond their appearance. When you’re truly intimate with someone and you love them, then every inch of their body is perfect to you and it becomes more about being able to share that space and that part of them than anything specific about their appearance or what shape their body is.'
John Seth, 22, Cape Town

‘What I think about really depends on the girl. But assuming it’s someone I’m into, and assuming that seeing her naked amounts to being on the verge of sleeping with her, then for me, I don’t think much at all. Seeing the girl I like naked for the first time blocks quite a bit of my mental capacity. I guess one of the first things that pop into my mind is: “Is she really enjoying this?” All I can concentrate on is trying to remain calm while keeping up the intensity.’
John Goss*, 22, Cape Town

‘The first thing that crosses my mind isn’t so much a thought, as it is the feeling of awe and excitement for what’s to come! Thereafter, the usual cliché of “Damn!” or “That’s hot!” jump to mind. What can I say? I’m a guy!'
Stefan van der Merwe*, 25, Cape Town

‘The first thing I think about is whether she’s hot or not. If she is, I’ll keep looking, if not, I’d move on. If she is hot, the second thing I’d think of is how hot is she (now that it has been established that she is good looking). At this point, I will have a look at her boobs, legs and face (and in that order).'
Siphosethu Ngobese*, 25, Cape Town

*Names have been changed

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Fri, 10 Sep 2010 12:00 +0200
Secrets Of Sexual Attraction http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/secrets-of-sexual-attraction-pg1
While there’s no magical formula to explain why we fall for the people we do, Helen Fisher, author of Why We Love (Holt McDougal), says, ‘There are several levels on which people connect, from the sociological to psychological. Childhood experiences and biological makeup also play a role in who you’re drawn to.’

Read on for a closer look at the mysterious ways your personal love magnet dictates who you should fall for.

Understanding Instant Attraction We’ve been programmed to like certain physical qualities (broad shoulders, facial symmetry), because they mean good genes. But other preferences can be subjective: some girls lust over lanky guys; others melt over ripped surfer types. And the reason for your choice could all come down to that guy you pined for in Grade Eight. But what’s a silly crush got to do with your type now, you ask?

‘In part, our personal types come from who we were attracted to when we first had sexual feelings,’ says Morley Glicken, author of Ending the Sex Wars (iUniverse.com). Another theory is that most of us are seeking a man who’s like us. ‘People gravitate toward similar partners, in terms of ethnicity, socioeconomics, education level and attractiveness,’ says Fisher.
Why Butterflies Increase Intimacy
Your Parents’ Influence
The Power of Scents
The Science of Slow-Burning Love

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Fri, 03 Sep 2010 12:00 +0200
O, No? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/o-no
But what if you’ve never felt one, two or any of the above? Or, you’ve felt some of them but not in that order? Does that mean you’ve never really come? Don’t panic! An orgasm can, in fact, be none of the above. Whether you’re a screamer or a gentle moaner, understanding your O is guaranteed to make it better.

While science says that at its most basic, an orgasm is an involuntary muscle reflex, new research from the UK reveals the definition varies from woman to woman. While a third of women studied reported they’d had an orgasm, monitors recorded they’d experienced no muscular contractions at all. Their minds said they’d come, but their bodies denied it, proving orgasm transcends science to be a far more complex blend of body and mind.

WHY DO WE COME?
Despite our interest in orgasms, surprisingly little is known about how they work. Elisabeth Lloyd, author of The Case of the Female Orgasm (Harvard University Press), has compiled 21 different theories. The most common? Orgasm aids our baby-making abilities. This theory outlines how contractions of the womb turn its neck into a kind of vacuum cleaner during orgasm, sucking up sperm to make conception more likely, and rewarding men who pleasure their partner with reproductive success. Romantic, huh? Another theory claims orgasms are the cement that holds relationships together, with blood levels of the bonding hormone prolactin 400% higher in both men and women after sex (as compared to masturbation).

RELAX, IT’S ALL GOOD
In reality, more than a third of women don’t climax during penetration alone, and 80% of those who do, don’t come every time. Many women rely on clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, while some women report ‘no touch’ orgasms (where they climax without stimulation) and others say they have multiple orgasms. Fact: it’s easier for women to achieve multiple orgasms than men. While they’re possible for a man, his first orgasm must occur without ejaculation and without losing his erection. Women, however, can learn the ability (usually by masturbating) to ‘come again’ within a minute or two of their first full orgasm.

So, what’s the deal? Is your orgasm as orgasmic as your friends’? Answer: there’s no right, better or ‘real’ way to achieve orgasm – it’s about whatever works for you. ‘An orgasm is an orgasm,’ says Catherine Blackledge, author of The Story of V: Opening Pandora’s Box (Rutgers University Press). ‘Don’t be swayed by the latest fad. Do it the way that pleasures you best.’

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Fri, 27 Aug 2010 12:00 +0200
Fun & Frolicky Games http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/fun--frolicky-games-pg1
1. That Trick This game is a great way to discover your partner’s changing ideas about sex, says Hugh de Beer, author of 269 Amazing Sex Games.

Answer the following on strips of paper:
What’s your secret fantasy?
What’s your favourite movie sex scene?
What’s your favourite sexual position?
What’s your favourite dirty talk method?
What’s your favourite sexy technique?

Place the strips of paper into a hat then choose one. Read the answer out loud and enact or describe whatever’s written on it.
2. Strip Dice
3. Kama Sutra Bingo
4. Nooky By Numbers
5. Phwoar-Tune Teller

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Fri, 20 Aug 2010 12:00 +0200
The Myths About Porn http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-myths-about-porn-pg1
Myth #1: Let’s Go! When men can’t understand why women aren’t ‘raring to go’ at any given moment, it’s because in porn films, both men and women are always ready for sex, says clinical sexologist and DISA Health Care Director, Professor Elna McIntosh. When men expect it to be like that in reality, she says, it becomes problematic because this is not how sexual satisfaction works at all.
Myth #2: Look-At-Me
Myth #3: Stiletto Sex
Myth #4: Come On Over
Myth #5: It’s Normal
Myth #6: Bigger Is Always Better

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Thu, 12 Aug 2010 12:00 +0200
Tricks He Has To Try http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/tricks-he-has-to-try-pg1
But how do you make sure you get your fair share of oral pleasure? First, answer these questions: are you comfortable with the idea? Exposing your genitals to close scrutiny makes some feel vulnerable, and men pick up on this anxiety and stay away. If you’re shy wear silk knickers; being licked through wet silk feels great. When his tongue hits your flesh, your nerves will evaporate.

What else makes him hesitate over going down on you? When my friend Katie asked her man why he never performed oral sex, he admitted he didn’t like pubic hair. So she called his bluff by having a Brazilian and he happily lapped away for hours.

At certain times of the month, your natural scent is stronger (you’ll smell sweetest just before and while you ovulate).

It’s also worth letting him know exactly why his tongue is as important to you as his penis. It can be used with expert precision; he doesn’t need to worry about premature ejaculation and, most importantly, women are far more likely to orgasm from cunnilingus, where we receive direct clitoral stimulation, than from penetration. If our post-coital purrs aren’t sufficient reward, then our devotion – for a spectacularly good lick – should be. Let him swell with pride at a job well done.

GREAT TONGUE TRICKS FOR HIM TO TRY...

1. Hot Licks Tease. For every 10 long, soft strokes up and down your vulva, one should end with a flick over your clitoris or penetrate your vagina with a stiff tongue.
2. iF Only…
3. Sound Effects
4. Helping Hand
5. On The Money






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Thu, 05 Aug 2010 12:00 +0200
The Male Body http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-male-body
2. Men are sweatier creatures than women. New Scientist magazine put a group of volunteers in a sweltering car. The men lost 250 grams of sweat per hour – 70 grams more than the women.

3. Have you ever wondered why, during the night, you’ll be shivering under the blankets while he’ll kick off his half to sprawl in all his naked glory? It’s because men have more heat-generating muscle mass than women, which keeps him warm for longer.

4. A man’s testicles are a few degrees cooler than the rest of his body to keep his sperm at a safe temperature.

5. When he’s in cold water, his scrotal muscles will bring his testicles closer to his body heat. In hot weather, his balls hang lower, so they can catch a breeze.

6. Surprise, surprise, the male brain devotes a bigger area to spatial skills like mechanics than to verbal communication.

7. The more often a guy orgasms, the less semen his body produces. So if his last orgasm was yesterday, he could release up to a tablespoon of fluid today. But if it’s only been a few hours, he’ll trickle out much less.

8. A guy’s eyelids and scrotum are ultra-sensitive to your touch, because they don’t contain any fat cells under the skin.

9. The insides of a man’s ankles are extremely sensitive, because they’re neurologically connected to his sex organs. Massaging them gently will heighten his arousal.

10. Guys’ nipples have the same pleasure-receptive nerve endings that ours do. So don’t forget to give them lots of attention during foreplay!

11. Despite what you might think, two-thirds of a man’s sexual reproduction system is inside his body, not on the outside.

12. The male brain produces less of the chemicals serotonin and oxytocin than a woman’s brain. Serotonin has a calming effect and oxytocin relates to bonding behaviour.

13. During ejaculation, a man produces between two and five millilitres of semen, containing between 50 and 150 million sperm per millilitre.

14. The average speed of ejaculation is 45 kilometres per hour.

15. While he’s having an orgasm, a man’s heartbeat and breathing rate can increase to as much as two-and-a-half times their normal levels.

16. If his ring finger is a little bit longer than his index finger, research shows he has a larger than usual amount of testosterone coursing through his body.

17. The typical young guy will spend up to 40% of the time he’s asleep sporting an erection. Believe it or not, it’s actually his body’s way of keeping his penis healthy.

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Thu, 29 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200
Straight Women, Lesbian Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/straight-women-lesbian-sex
According to Johannesburg psychologist Dr Janne Dannerup, most women contemplate having an intimate experience with another woman at some stage of their lives, and experimentation has become increasingly socially acceptable. ‘The subculture that regards same-sex experimentation as a sign of freedom and empowerment is on the rise,’ she says. ‘And as our society moves towards increasing gender equality, we’ve become less focused on gender separation and more tolerant of sexual relations that cross the boundaries of traditional gender pairings.’

WHY WOMEN EXPERIMENT
According to Johannesburg psychologist Katherine Bain, this kind of sexual experimentation might be an act of curiosity, an attempt at deeper intimacy or even the beginning of an acknowledgment of homosexuality. ‘All women have the potential to experience intimacy with other women,’ she says. ‘Whether this intimacy is extended to a sexual arena is dependent on factors such as upbringing, religion and the fulfilment experienced in a current relationship.’

For many girls, the first lesbian encounter occurs during adolescence. ‘This is the time women begin to grapple with identity issues,’ says Bain. While for some experimentation is investigative, for others it might take the form of rebellion against societal norms such as settling down and starting a family, says Dannerup. Other women start fantasising or experimenting only when their male partner has failed to satisfy their needs, while traumatic experiences with men could also be a catalyst. ‘A woman might find that sexual intimacy with men reopens the trauma, so she seeks a safer form of intimacy with another woman,’ says Dannerup. A further reason: if a woman has emotionally satisfying and open interactions with her female friends, she might wonder whether this intensity could be replicated in a sexual encounter.

WHAT’S THE TURN-ON?

Since my first ‘lesbian’ kiss, I have kissed several more girls of all ages and races who were in various stages of relationships. In most cases I was motivated by the thrill of engaging in slightly taboo behaviour. Again, it was rarely the result of desire. But according to Dannerup, desire is not a prerequisite. ‘When a woman finds that her male partner has little understanding of her sexual and intimacy needs, it’s logical for her to wonder whether a woman wouldn’t have more sensitivity and insight,’ she says.

Most women find the experience intense and tender. ‘It was definitely softer and less passionate than with a man,’ remembers Tracie. ‘I missed the hard muscles – but it was more tranquil, almost like there was no rush to end it.’ Intuition is another big factor. According to Cathy*, 28, a teacher in Johannesburg, whose experimentation led to her realisation that she was bisexual, women anticipate better than men. ‘The first time it was as though she could read my mind and knew exactly how I wanted to be touched,’ she says. She felt vulnerable yet safe at the same time when making love to her girlfriend. ‘I also found arousing a woman far more satisfying to witness than pleasuring a man.’

LABELLING IT
You’ve experienced a passionate kiss with your best friend, you’re still 100% turned on by the hot guy on the dance floor and, unlike Cathy, you’re certain you’re not bisexual. Still, you wonder what that kiss really meant. Could you be lesbian?

‘It is more useful to look at sexual orientation as a sort of spectrum with heterosexuality at one end and homosexuality at the other, rather than looking at these as two distinct categories,’ says Bain. ‘Over the course of their lives many women move up and down the spectrum as they explore their sexuality and their needs for nurture and connection.’

Tracie still considers herself to be straight. For her, that night was purely about exploration. Sonya*, 30, a journalist in Johannesburg, has had two lesbian experiences and also sees herself as heterosexual. ‘If you have respect for yourself and whoever you’re in bed with, you’re on the right track,’ she says. ‘Whether it’s a man or woman is irrelevant.’

*Names have been changed

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Fri, 23 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200
Just One Taste http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/just-one-taste-pg1
‘Regular sex is spontaneous, thus hard to schedule,’ says Dawson. ‘The result is that it often falls off the to-do list altogether.’ However the OneTaste method doesn’t focus on regular sex, she says, rather its primary focus is on having slow sex. ‘Slow sex can be planned in advance, so you can slot it into your life more easily – meaning you have a better chance of keeping the date.’

TOUCH ME ON MY…
OneTaste uses a method called ‘Orgasmic Meditation’ or ‘OMing’, a simple exercise that helps both partners pay attention to their feelings of desire, says Dawson. One partner, most often the guy, lightly strokes the other for 15 minutes, she explains. ‘During this time, both partners pay attention to the point of contact between them, noticing the sensations the stroke generates in their bodies.’ You can ask him to go faster, slower, softer or harder, it all depends on you, she adds. Afterwards, she suggests you verbally share one moment of sensation you felt during your OM exercise.

TAKE IT SLOW
There’s a preconceived notion that the longer sex lasts, the better it is, says Dawson. She believes you can get the same pleasure from 15 minutes of slow sex as you can from a full-on sex marathon. ‘We always seem to be going faster and harder in our world today,’ she says. But slow sex is gentle and relaxing. ‘It proves that shorter can indeed be sweeter.

‘In regular sex, reciprocity rules,’ says Dawson. But, with slow sex, a woman can enjoy a well-deserved break, she says. ‘Before you feel sorry for the guys, you should know that many men credit this method as some of the best sex they’ve had in their lives. Women definitely underestimate the satisfaction a man gets from knowing he is doing right by his woman.

‘Ironically, many women experience sex as stressful, at least some of the time,’ says Dawson. If you’re worried about climaxing or your performance, you won’t be able to enjoy the intimacy at all,’ she says. ‘In slow sex, all you have to do is lie back and pay attention to the feeling of being stroked. The result? You actually feel sex for a change.’ It teaches you how to get more from your sex life, she adds, especially in terms of desire, sensation, connection and intimacy. ‘It’s about slowing down, taking the time to feel your body, your true desire and your partner.’

Slow sex has three steps. Here, Dawson explains exactly what you should be doing and the questions you should be asking yourself.

Step #1: Simplicity First, strip sex down. Leave behind the toys, the fancy positions, and the harder-and-faster mentality. All you need to get more from sex is your body, just as it is, right now.
Step #2: Attention
Step #3: Desire

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Fri, 16 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200
Sex Myths http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-myths-pg1
Here, South Africa’s sex experts divulge what they think are the biggest sex myths in the world today.

Myth #1:
Orgasms Are Quick and Easy
‘If there is a rule about orgasms, it’s this: the harder you try to have one, the further away it seems to go. In other words, if you keep pushing yourself to make one happen, you’ll end up feeling less aroused than when you started (and a whole lot more bad-tempered!).

Be careful not to become so involved in trying to reach an orgasm that it becomes the only reason you and your partner are intimate. Don’t make orgasm your goal – because if you don’t achieve that goal immediately, you will feel extremely disappointed. Your partner may even feel that you are disappointed with him, or you may feel that you failed your partner by not reaching orgasm.

However, pretending to orgasm is also not a solution. Remember, you are not the only woman to ever have trouble achieving orgasm. Every woman has to experiment to find the right formula for herself. For some, it might be a breathtaking experience and for others, it might be a light flutter in the stomach. Statistics show most women achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation, and only a few through vaginal stimulation. The best recipe for having an orgasm is: relax, take your time, focus on the pleasure of stimulation and enjoy each other as much as possible.’
- Leandie Buys, Port Elizabeth-based clinical sexologist and author of Seasons of Sex (Naledi)
Myth #2:
It’s All About The G-Spot
Myth #3:
The Three-Times-a-Week Rule
Myth #4:
Sex Should Be Hassle-Free
Myth #5:
Size Counts…
Myth #6:
It Has To Be All…Or Nothing

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Fri, 09 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200
Master Your Four-Play http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/master-your-four-play
The first element of beyond-great sex is intimacy; by increasing levels of closeness between you and your man you’ll take your sex life to a whole new level. ‘Intimacy in the bedroom is the difference between having sex and making love,’ explains psychotherapist Emma Gold. ‘It bonds you as a couple and makes you more affectionate outside the bedroom, too.’

Secondly, there’s the mental element – being able to switch off from credit-card bills and focus on the moment. ‘The best technique in the world will have little effect if your attention is focused on the fact that the ceiling needs painting,’ says online-dating expert, Kelly Russell. ‘If you ignore the mental element of sex, you ignore the biggest sex organ of all – your brain.’

Once you’re relaxed and your brain is tuned into your orgasmic potential, the physical element – positions and techniques – becomes equally important. And the fourth ingredient – perhaps the one we forget most – is laughter. ‘People take sex far too seriously,’ warns Dr Pam Spurr, author of Sex, Guys And Chocolate (Robson Books). ‘Yes, it can be amazing, and good for your relationship and overall health, but that doesn’t mean you should approach it like two scientists working on a formula. Being able to laugh about sex slip-ups, rather than being humiliated, is a more positive approach.’

Different experiences tick different boxes – and to make sure all four elements are covered in your bedroom repertoire, simply pick and choose moves from our steamy collection of must-try tricks. Your four-play will lead to orgasms worth screaming about!

EYE DO
For really intense, emotional sex, try The Love Boat: sit on your man’s lap with him inside you and your legs around him. Then gently rock back and forth. This is the ideal position for intense eye contact and clitoral stimulation, by hand. Tantric gurus promote it for its ‘sharing of breath’, and they should know because practitioners are famed for being able to make love this way for several hours. With the addition of a ‘power lube’, though, you won’t be able to keep that orgasm at bay for long. These lubricants give an extra tingle when rubbed on the clitoris. ‘For women, a sensation-enhancing lubricant can be the difference between good sex and great sex,’ says Russell. ‘And if you think that seems a little one-sided in your favour, don’t forget that the bigger our orgasm, the more powerful our vaginal contractions – utter bliss to a penis, often triggering orgasm for him instantly.’

MODEL BEHAVIOUR
We’ve all heard of women posing for sexy photos taken by their men, but now it’s time to let guys do the posing for a change. ‘A lot of men will initially feel awkward in front of the camera. It takes them a while to relax into being photographed and their way of dealing with it is to fool around, so male photo shoots can be a real giggle,’ says erotic photographer Nahid de Belgeonne. ‘But once they’ve relaxed, it makes them feel sexy and more confident. And for a woman, handling the camera puts her in a position of control and gives a sexually charged buzz.’

COCOON COUPLE
If you’re in the mood but just can’t get that snide comment from your boss out of your head, you can create a cocoon around the two of you that will protect you from outside distractions. ‘It takes practice, but it can be done,’ says Dr Spurr. ‘Just imagine a soft cocoon wrapped around your bodies, then focus on the part of your lover that turns you on – maybe it’s his cute bum. As you touch each other, concentrate on how much you love that part of him.’

LAVENDER LOVE
Taking a bath together is a classic way of simultaneously unwinding and getting turned on, and using lavender oil will help you relax. But after the bath, try this twist: ‘Go straight to a massage, ending at the front of your upper thighs,’ says Gold. ‘Not only are they shiatsu sexual-trigger points, but they also happen to be in the right general direction for some labial massaging, too.’ Labial massaging can be done with sensual water-based lubricants (oils can damage condoms so they aren’t recommended if that’s your chosen contraceptive). Ask him to simultaneously stroke his thumbs down your labia towards your buttocks in small circles and then back up again. This will stimulate the full length of your clitoris, including the unseen part that extends 9cm inside your body.

ABSTINENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER
Sometimes, the best sex tip is not to have sex at all. ‘Spend an evening doing everything but penetration,’ says Gold. ‘Not only is foreplay often the best bit for women, but not being “allowed” to do something makes you want it even more. So when you do finally succumb, it will be 10 times hotter.’ Kelly, a 29-year-old sales executive from Manchester, took this a step further: ‘My ex once suggested we describe having sex and exactly what we’d like to do to each other, and then not do it for an entire week,’ she says. ‘The sex was really good at the end of the week because there’d been six days of foreplay leading up to it.’

THE 96
There’s nothing like an extravagant, complicated sex position to give you a sense of adventure and get you laughing. So, try the 96 for size. It’s a reverse 69 – carefully follow our step-by-step guide and take it slowly.
1. He sits upright, legs straight out in front of him, leaning back on his arms for support.
2. You stand behind him and climb forward over his shoulders, so your upper thighs are resting on his shoulders and his tongue can reach your hotspots.
3. Then lean all the way forward until you’re completely upside down and your face is conveniently near his penis. Put one hand on the bed to keep your balance.
4. You should now be in the perfect position for mutual oral. But beware – it takes strength and skill. If you manage it, you’ll feel like you’ve got through a team-building exercise and it’ll bring you closer, plus, you’ll both get a great oral buzz. If you don’t manage it, you’ll have a lot of fun trying.

THE TIP TIP
A purely physical rush heightens the mental and emotional elements with some gorgeous sexual spice. For men, their preferred spice is blow-job flavoured and Gold believes she’s found the ultimate technique. ‘There’s a little-known “less is more” blow-job strategy that puts men into a coma-like state, due to the intensity of the orgasm it causes. Make lots of tiny licks only over the head of the penis – I tried it and, sure enough, the man concerned could neither move nor speak for ages afterwards.’

To make sure your man returns the favour, lick the head of his penis in the same way you would like him to lick your clitoris – once he’s out of his sex coma, remind him it’s your turn.

RIDE HIM, COWGIRL
‘In woman-on-top positions, you have complete control over speed. In rear-entry positions you get deeper penetration so your man seems bigger,’ says Russell. (Not that size is important, guys, obviously!) ‘It also allows you full access to your orgasm switch, aka the clitoris.’ For these reasons, the Reverse Cowgirl With A Twist is a physical winner.

Straddle your man in the standard woman-on-top position, facing him, then with him still inside you, slowly turn your body around until you’re facing his feet. The spin will feel amazing for him. Then, while rocking up and down, coat your hand in lubricant and rub your clitoris with the palm of your hand, so your fingertips are stroking his testicles at the same time. And here comes the funny part: We dare you to shout, ‘Yee-ha!’ and keep a straight face.

SURPRISE!
Go on, do something totally unpredictable – it’ll skyrocket your sex life. ‘OK, so you know if he rubs your clitoris 30 times clockwise, you’ll climax without fail, but that won’t give you great sex every day,’ points out Russell. So dare yourself to do something a little unusual, like Jennifer, a 23-year-old hairdresser. ‘Last summer my boyfriend drove me out to the countryside,’ she recalls. ‘We pulled over, then I opened the sunroof and sat on top of the car with my legs dangling down. He stayed inside and gave me the best oral sex of my life. Being in the sun and risking being caught gave sex a completely new edge.’ Even when things go wrong, spontaneity can bring you closer. ‘I remember once trying to have sex in a nightclub toilet with my boyfriend,’ says Claire, a 25-year-old PA. ‘We couldn’t do it standing up because the height difference was too much. Then I broke the seat by trying to stand on it in stilettos. When someone in the next cubicle asked for toilet paper, we wisely gave up, but it’s something we still laugh about now!’

SECRET LOVER
The biggie, without which none of these other tricks will work, is this: share your secrets. ‘By allowing your partner to see your vulnerable side, perhaps by acknowledging your self-consciousness or revealing a bad past experience, you allow a man to show his more caring side,’ says Gold. ‘When we expose our vulnerabilities and meet a loving response, we get a strong emotional connection. It’s this connection, more than any other factor, that will guarantee more powerful sex.’

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Fri, 02 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200
What He's Feeling http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-hes-feeling-pg1
STAGE 1: The Tease His Brain
‘A man’s desire can be triggered by almost anything – a subtle stroke, a provocative image or the sound of a woman’s voice at a certain pitch,’ explains Dr Ian Kerner, author of He Comes Next (Harper Collins). But, interestingly, the first question that runs through his head when he feels that initial sexual stirring is, ‘Is it okay to raise the mast?’

‘No guy wants to get an erection at an inappropriate time,’ says Kerner. ‘This push-pull state of wanting to go with his desire and possibly needing to restrain it fuels his excitement.’

His Body
As soon as your man’s mind switches over to sex, his body begins to prickle with anticipation. ‘His temperature starts to rise and chemical messengers released into his bloodstream make his skin supersensitive,’ explains Dr Susan Kellogg, director of sexual medicine at the Pelvic and Sexual Health institute of Philadelphia in the US. Every impulse in his body is focused on his sexual gratification to come....

Work It To The Max
Tease him like crazy. ‘He’s at a stage when he’s half letting himself go and half holding back, so make him lose control,’ says Kerner. ‘The key is to use teasing moves that will make him ache for you.’ So confess to a dirty dream you had about him or touch him in a sexual way – but in a nonsexual setting.

Keep it light. Right now, the tiniest movements feel massive, which is why you should keep your touches soft and unexpected. ‘Take advantage of his physically on-edge state by keeping him guessing where your lips, nips and strokes will hit next,’ says US sex expert Dr Ava Cadell. Run your nails down his torso, graze your lips across his collarbone or lightly tap his butt.
STAGE 2: The Build-Up
STAGE 3: The Stamina Stretch
STAGE 4: The Climax


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Fri, 25 Jun 2010 12:00 +0200
Feel More Aroused http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/feel-more-aroused-pg1 The Great Lover Playbook (Gotham Books).

That’s why your guy may be ready for action way before you’ve reached a boiling point. Try these moves (one or all!) to reach a sexy frame of mind by the time you get together with him.

Step 1: Build Up Some X-rated Anticipation Set the stage as soon as your workday ends by calling your guy to tell him you can’t wait to see him. ‘This reorients your mind toward your partner,’ says Lonnie Barbach, PhD, author of Turn-Ons (Plume). ‘Plus, knowing that he’s looking forward to your evening together will amp up your excitement too.’
Step 2: Sexify Your Commute
Step 3: Just Relax
Step 4: Take a Steamy Shower


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Thu, 17 Jun 2010 12:00 +0200
Speak Sex In Any Language! http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/speak-sex-in-any-language





FOR THE SPANISH SEÑORES FOR YOUR FRENCH FANCY
Would you like a drink?
¿Te apetece una copa?
(te a.pe.te.the oo.na ko.pa)

Do you have a condom?
¿Tienes un condón?
(tye.nes oon kon.don)

Touch me here
Tócame aqui
(to.ka.me a.kee)

Faster/harder/slower
Rápido/fuerte/despacio
(ra.pee.do/fwer.te/des.pa.thyo)

I (don’t) like that.
Eso (no) me gusta
(e.so (no) me goos.ta)

Can you call a taxi for me?
¿Me puede pedir un taxi?
(me pwe.de pe.deer oon tak.see)
Do you come here often?
Tu viens ici souvent?
(tew vyun ee.see soo.von)

Let’s go to bed!
On va se coucher
(on va ser koo.shay)

Let’s use a condom
On va utiliser un préservatif
(on va ew.tee.lee.zay un pray.zair.va.teef)

I like that
J’aime ça
(zhem sa)

Don’t stop!
N’arréte pas!
(na.ret pa)

That was amazing
C’était excellent
(say.tay ek.say.lon)
A LITTLE TURKISH DELIGHT FOR AN ITALIAN AFFAIR
Kiss me
Öp beni
(erp be.nee)

Touch me
Dokun bana
(do.koon ba.na)

Do you have a condom?
Prezervatifin var m?
(pre.zer.va.tee.feen var muh)

Oh my God!
Aman tanrm!
(a.man tan.ruhm)

Faster/slower
Daha hzl/daha yavas
(da.ha huhz.luh/ da.ha ya.vash)

I think we should stop now
Daha ileri gitmeyelim
(da.ha e.Ie.ree geet.me.ye.Ieem)
Would you like a drink?
Prendi qualcosa da bere?
(pren.dee kwai.ko.za da be.re)

I want to make love to you
Voglio fare l’amore con te
(vo.Iyo fa.re Ia mo.re kon te)

Touch me here
Toccami qui
(To.ka.mee kwee)

Harder/faster/softer/slower
Più forte/ più veloce/ piu dolcemente/ più Ientamente
(pyoo for.te/ pyoo ve.lo.che/ pyoo doI.che.men.te/ pyoo Ien.ta.men.te)

That was amazing
E stato stupendo
(e sta.to stoo.pen.do)

Not if you were the last person on earth!
Neanche se tu fossi l’uItima persona sulla terra!
(ne.an.ke se too fo.see/ lool.tee.ma per.so.na soo.Ia te.ra)


LOST IN TRANSLATION?
If you don’t speak the lingo, it’s easy to confuse a simple, ‘Passport, pIease?’ for ‘Would you like sex?’ Find out how well you’ll fare with our quick quiz. Get any wrong and you’d better pay close attention when speaking to hot foreign men!

A sexy Spaniard comes up and says, ‘¿Quieres entrar a tomar algo?’ Is he asking...
a) Which way to the tomato festival?
b) Do you want to come inside for a drink?
c) Which side of the bed do you prefer?

You’ve been flirting with a beautiful Italian on the beach when he asks, ‘Hai un preservativo?’ Is he asking...
a) Do you have a life jacket?
b) Do you have a condom?
c) Do you have any jam?

You meet a gorgeous Turkish man at the local nightclub, who says to you, ‘Harika dans ediyorsunuz.’ Is he saying...
a) You’re a fantastic dancer.
b) Let’s do it on my boat.
c) My kebabs are excellent.

A foxy Frenchman spots you from across the bar and says, ‘Tu es complètement imbue de toi-même!’ Is he saying...
a) You complete me!
b) You are the image of my mother!
c) Your ego is out of control!

Correct Answers: b, b, a, c

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Fri, 11 Jun 2010 12:00 +0200
Little Touches http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/little-touches-pg1 do get into – namely the ones below.

THE ARM LOCK That casual way you lace your arm through ours as we walk side by side might seem subtle, but it's one of those traditional, old-school gestures that makes us feel strong, protective, and desirable – even if we're actually more skinny than studly. 'I love knowing my girlfriend feels safe around me,' says Andrew, 23. 'And when she grabs my arm, it's like she is excited to be seen with me and wants other women to know I'm hers.'
THE STEALTH CARESS
THE WHISPER
THE ASS GRAB


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Mon, 31 May 2010 12:00 +0200
Secrets of Good Skype Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/secrets-of-good-skype-sex-pg1
Skype enables users to have a phone conversation over the Internet with anyone, anywhere in the world. It even features a web camera, so you can be face-to-face for a bit of cross-country loving. Sexual health expert Jill Michelson from Marie Stopes International says Skype sex is ideal for people with a physical intimacy barrier. 'It works wonders at keeping the fires burning in your relationship.' And the best part? It's free – just visit their website to download it.

… AND HOW TO 'DO IT'
1. Choose The Moment 'It's often very difficult for even the most adventurous of couples to initiate at first,' explains Michelson. 'So pick a time that suits the moment – probably not while you're discussing the overdue electricity bill! Rather suggest it when you're both talking about how much you miss each other and how you wish you could be having sex right now.'
2. Plan Ahead
3. Set The Mood
4. Be Prepared
5. Visualise


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Fri, 28 May 2010 12:00 +0200
Sexual Nostalgia http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sexual-nostalgia-pg1
SEX SECRET #1 Never stay in a relationship just for the sex.
'Men and women are completely different when it comes to sex. Men are visually stimulated, but women's libidos are affected by their emotions, their physical health and their psychological health. To have great sex, you need to take a holistic view of yourself and analyse each aspect of your life. If you are overstressed, unhealthy or in a relationship that's not working, your sex life and your libido will be affected. Use this as a kind of litmus test to evaluate your current position in life and to identify areas that need work. However, there are always the rare exceptions in relationships where the sex is great, but the relationship is destructive. Never ever stay in a relationship just for the sex.'

- Leandie Buys, clinical sexologist
SEX SECRET #2
SEX SECRET #3
SEX SECRET #4


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Thu, 20 May 2010 12:00 +0200
Orgasms Unlimited http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/orgasms-unlimited-pg1
'The average woman is built to come again and again,' says Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, coauthor of The Multi-Orgasmic Woman (HarperOne). Meaning that once you've mastered that first peak, the climb to the next one is absolutely obtainable. 'Women don't require a refractory period like men do, so we're able to stay aroused for longer and orgasm a second and third time with little effort,' says Dr. Abrams.

Of course, sometimes just having a single full-body earthquake offers one hundred percent satisfaction, and some of you might feel like calling it a night after your usual one-timer. That's fine. After all, having the option is the key. However, for those times when you can't get enough, simply take these moregasm tips to heart (and to bed), and discover how to double your fun.

MOREGASM TIP 1 Don't Be Single-Minded
The first step in plural peaking: Tune in to the mind-body connection. If you go into the session with limited expectations of your orgasm, you'll actually cause your body to limit its pleasure responses. In other words, if you assume you can only come once during intercourse... you will.

The reason why understanding your frame of mind is so important? 'After you've gotten there for the first time, rather than switching off mentally and sexually – which is what you do when you assume you've reached the finale – you need to remain expectant and open to further arousal,' says Dr. Abrams. 'It's all about knowing that your body is fully capable, even built, to experience deeper, longer, and more frequent orgasms.'

Once you have the right attitude, the next step is making sure that you have some time on your hands. 'One of the biggest misconceptions women have about multiple orgasms is that they happen by chance or that they're some sort of fluke,' says Dr. Abrams. 'But like anything else, they require a little effort and planning that you don't get from on-the-fly quickies.' There's just no point in getting mentally geared up for all that extra action if you're not in the right circumstances to be able to enjoy yourself with your man.

And finally, make your guy privy to your mission... kind of. 'He won't just get that you're in the mood for something more drawn out,' says Dr. Abrams. But rather than putting the pressure on him by mentioning the word multiple, set him a carnal challenge he can get excited about.

'Tell him that tonight you want to feel the slow burn. And to get that, you really want to draw out foreplay, and you have a few ideas for the main event too,' says Dr. Abrams, This way, you create a situation where he's not only keen to please, but he's eagerly anticipating your direction too.
MOREGASM TIP 2
MOREGASM TIP 3
MOREGASM TIP 4
MOREGASM TIP 5


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Fri, 14 May 2010 12:00 +0200
The Golden Probe http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-golden-probe Q: Will I be stopped by airport security if I travel with my vibrator?
A: Not if you follow these rules: don't keep your toys in your hand luggage, as this is where you are most likely to be flagged by security. Pack batteries separately, because airport security keeps an eye out for battery-powered objects. (It will also stop your gadgets going off by accident.) And stick with small, discreet items that don't scream 'sex toy'.

Q: Is there any real difference between an expensive sex toy and a vastly cheaper one?
A: You get what you pay for. The cheap stuff doesn't last long, feel as good or have as many pleasure features as the premium stuff. Cheaper materials tend to be plastic, while the platinum grades are silicone and life-like materials like Cyberskin, Futurotic and acrylic. More expensive toys won't burn through batteries as quickly either.

Q: Do I have to get a new toy with each new lover?
A: If it's made of non-absorbent material (silicone, acrylic, glass, hard plastic), you only need to replace it if you haven't been washing it properly. But lose if it it's made of latex, Cyberskin or jelly – it's not made for sharing.

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Fri, 07 May 2010 12:00 +0200
Sex Secrets All Men Keep http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-secrets-all-men-keep
GUY SEX SECRET 1
They C-R-A-V-E Being Seduced

Your making the first move tops his lust list. 'Men are expected to lead the way, but his wet dream is for his woman to jump him once in a while,' says Michael Perry, PhD, a sex therapist. Or more often than that, says John*, 29: 'I have yet to find a girlfriend who initiates sex nearly as often as I do,' he says. 'My last girlfriend took the lead so rarely I vowed never to date another woman who needs three margaritas just to tell me she's horny.'
Read-his-mind tip: Trade off playing Pleasure Captain with your man. When you are alone together at home, go the bold-babe route by slipping his pants off and having your way with him.

GUY SEX SECRET 2
They Choose Positions That Make Their Bodies Look Good in Bed

Men are not just concerned with chiselled biceps and six-pack abs, says Patti Britton, PhD, sexologist. They also want to measure up downtown. Says Andre, 34: 'Besides making our belly look flat, a secret reason guys love girl-on-top is our erection is exposed all the way when we're lying on our back, so it looks as large as possible.'
Read-his-mind tip: Crouch on all fours sideways in front of a mirror, so he can watch his penis penetrate you from a flattering side angle. Or lie on your back and rest your feet on his shoulders. The tight fit will make him feel huge as he enters your narrowed vagina.

GUY SEX SECRET 3
They Pretend to Have More Experience Than They Actually Do

'I've never handed her a list or anything, but I've given my girlfriend the idea that I've had sex with more women than I really have,' says Charlie, 28. 'My real number is five, and for some reason, that embarrasses me.' It comes down to this erotic equation: Less experience equals less confidence. 'Without a database of moves he knows pleases a variety of women, he's likely uncomfortable exploring your body to the fullest,' says Perry.
Read-his-mind tip: In bed, take his hand and show him exactly the speed and pressure with which you like to be pleasured. Use words like here, slower, and harder, and praise him when he gets it right. 'You'll give yourself satisfaction and him the gift of self-assurance that he's fully capable of getting you off,' says Perry. Those belt-notch fears will soon fall away.

GUY SEX SECRET 4
They Have Shocking Fantasies During Sex

Okay, don't freak. 'It's perfectly normal for men to fantasise about someone other than their partner during sex,' says Perry. 'It's almost reflexive as he builds toward orgasm.' Take Dan, 28, for example: 'The girl I'm seeing is incredibly sexy, but yeah, sometimes when we're doing it, especially right before I come, I fantasise about my ex, a woman from my office, or even a porn flick. There could also be an imaginary hot girl involved. But obviously I would never hurt my girlfriend's feelings by telling her that.'
Read-his-mind tip: Though you don't need to explore your man's lusty imagination, you do need to accept that he has one. If you feel like you can handle it, probe a bit. 'If you want to get in on his fantasy fun, ask him to whisper a sexy scene that includes you while you make love,' says Perry. 'If he's shy about it, try telling him one of your fantasies first.'

GUY SEX SECRET 5
They Wonder If You're Having a Hot Time

A man's sexual pleasure comes partly from seeing his partner aroused, says Britton. 'If he doubts her pleasure is genuine, he is going to be distracted and the sex will be less exciting.' Says George, 27: 'I thought my college girlfriend loved it when I went down on her. Two years later, I found out she was faking it all that time, which wigged me out. After we broke up and I started dating other girls, I wondered if they were faking it too.'
Read-his-mind tip: Don't pretend to be a porno-style shrieker, but if you have an urge to moan or be verbally bold during sex, go for it. Hint: The more physically specific you are, like groaning into the move so your bodies cling closer or clutching his hand to your hot spot, the more he'll know you're loving it.

GUY SEX SECRET 6
They're Too Shy to Ask You to Try Kinky Stuff

It's very common among men to think about doing something taboo, Perry says. 'But they're often afraid they'll be thought of as a pervert, so they're unwilling to ask for anything that might be perceived as such.' That fear is what's been keeping Brendan, 30, from talking: 'There are one or two racy things I would be really into, like playing doctor with my girlfriend, but I could never say that to her. It's kind of out of respect. I feel like she would be a little horrified.'
Read-his-mind tip: If you're open to erotic adventuring, let him in on your carnal curiosity (drop a hint, write a note, or take a deep breath and ask). Once you open up, he's likely to spill his naughtiest thoughts. But what if his randy request falls outside your bounds? Soften it a little. Say he's secretly dying to do it in public. If your reaction is 'No way,' consider doing it in the car while parked on a quiet street. 'By realising even 20% of his most exotic desire,' says Britton, 'you'll blow his mind.'

*Names have been changed

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Fri, 30 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200
Get Clicked On http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/get-clicked-on
CLITERATI
Not for the faint-hearted; it'll definitely make you blush.
Pros: This is the online destination for seriously dirty stories to share with your boyfriend. Find your favourite story, then bring it to the bedroom so you can amuse him with a tale he's sure to want to re-enact with you.
Cons: It's not exactly an attractive site and you might feel like you're browsing a cheap, porn website.

LUSTY LIBRARY – Stories For The Sexual Intellectual
While this too may look like a shifty porn site, the content is super steamy.
Pros: With 25 different genres to choose from, including 'Exotic Erotic', 'Celebrity' and 'Quickie', hours of reading pleasure is at your fingertips.
Cons: You have to register before you can read anything.

JONATHAN PHILIPS EROTICA
This is by far the most professional-looking site – for the more sophisticated cliterature fan.
Pros: If the idea of browsing the Internet for cliterature at work makes you feel a little uneasy, give Jonathan Philips Erotica a try. The content might not be tame, but at least it'll look like you're surfing for home décor tips and not dirty stories. SFW.
Cons: The genre categories aren't straightforward. Instead of scrolling down to find 'Student and Teacher Fantasies', you're more likely to find 'A Little Slap & Tickle'. We know what that link will lead to, but will a first-timer?

SCARLET MAGAZINE UK
And we thought we were saucy… This is truly COSMO-gone-wild.
Pros: The magazine is only available in the UK, but you can buy a digital copy of the current issue online. If you'd prefer to not spend any money, the website is packed with sex stories about schoolgirl positions, cowgirls in nylon and saucy office affairs.
Cons: As with Lusty Library, you have to register before you can read any of the features.

LITEROTICA
While there might be links to nude webcam footage and amateur naked photographs at the bottom of the page, this site really does have a massive archive for you to sift through.
Pros: After you've gone through the entire library, you can click on new submissions and read more. Or perhaps you're interested in the 'Erotic Poetry' section? And if you're feeling daring, there's an audio option where you can listen to the juicy poems the way they were meant to be enjoyed.
Cons: The design isn't very appealing.

DECLAN STANLEY
While he is not only an erotic author, Declan Stanley sure knows how to conjure up a smutty piece of prose.
Pros: 'Molly and Her Mistress Scene 1.' NSFW!
Cons: This site is not limited to cliterature, so if you want something dedicated solely to sexy stories, you might want to read the others we've mentioned. ]]>
Thu, 22 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200
Single-Girl Sex Lies http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/single-girl-sex-lies
YOUR HEAD SAYS: 'It's just one last shag for old times' sake...'
COSMO SAYS: 'Step away from the ex, NOW!'
Ex-sex is as tempting as a family-size bag of Doritos – with equally bad emotional nutritional value. 'OK, so he knows how to nibble your ear just right to send you through the root with pleasure, but it's impossible to have no-strings sex with an ex. One of you will secretly be hoping you get back together. If he dumped you and you still hold a torch for him, this is like pulling a plaster off slowly – more painful in the end. If you did the dumping, be decent and adult – don't lead him on. The answer is to do lunch, or wedge time with him in between other engagements so you can't go home together.'

OUR HEAD SAYS: 'I'm happy just being bed buddies'
COSMO SAYS: 'It'll end in tears'
Your new conquest isn't ready for a relationship, so you settle for his half-baked offer of some 'fun' and tell yourself you can emotionally disentangle yourself later. Forget it, you can't. 'Most women don't pursue sexual relationships without emotion – men do. Subconsciously, you're hoping he'll fall for you over time. But men tend to choose the path of least resistance. If you give him easy access to sex and fun, he's not going to have an epiphany and decide he wants to add relationship issues and fidelity to this equation. Sex with you is worth holding out for, so think donkey and out-of-reach carrot – he'll want it more.'

YOUR HEAD SAYS: 'It's better to date someone than no one at all'
COSMO SAYS: 'That's a waste of time and lip gloss'
This is an antiquated fallacy that should've died out with PVC jelly shoes. 'Dating Mr Average for the sake of having a date is a drag on your psyche and a sure sign that your self-esteem needs hiking up. You may be giving in to pressure from your coupled-up friends to deliver juicy date stories. Remember, you can only be in one place at one time. While out with a man you're lukewarm about, you could miss out on colliding with a 10/10 candidate. Plus, if you believe in dating karma, it's not nice to string someone along.' Even if he is remarkably skilled at purchasing cocktails. ]]>
Fri, 16 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200
Could Your Relationship Use a Vibrator? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/could-your-relationship-use-a-vibrator The Passion Prescription (Hyperion).

When you hear the word vibrator, you may imagine heavy-duty phallus-shaped machinery with rotating beads and a swivelling head – something only a woman could feel okay curling up with. Well, erase that image, because there has been a revolution in humming bed toys. Now they come in a range of discreet shapes and sizes that make them infinitely more couple-friendly. Since it no longer has to feel like you're bringing a second penis into bed, more women have become open to incorporating vibes into play with their partners.

'Not only can the toys increase a woman's sexual response, making her want sex even more,' says Berman, 'but if they're something she and her guy feel comfortable using together, they can also add an exciting new layer to the couple's routine.' Of course, you'll have to decide if your relationship would benefit from a little extra electricity. To help, we've outlined tips on how to broach the topic, then incorporate the buzzy buddy into the action.

STEP 1
HAVE THE VIBRATOR TALK

You might fear that merely mentioning a sex toy will make your man feel inadequate or think you're some kind of kinky freak. But if you're game to test the waters, consider this: In Berman's study, two-thirds of women said their men were cool with their carnal accoutrements. 'It sends a positive message about a woman – that she's into sex and wants it more often and more intensely,' says Sandor Gardos, PhD, founder of MyPleasure.com. Plus, Gardos says, many men want to get in on the battery-operated action themselves but feel nervous about bringing it up.

Even if you suspect your man would be open to the idea, you still can't just whip it out mid-session – you're going to have to suss out for sure whether he'd be interested by discussing it first. Pick a moment when you're out of the bedroom so the immediate pressure is off. Then, to avoid triggering any insecurities, start by reassuring him that a toy is in no way a stand-in for him.

'To do that, let him know how great he is in bed,' says Gardos. 'Go on to explain that since the sex is already so amazing, you want to take it to the next level and experiment with playthings.' The word vibrator may conjure up images of plastic phalluses crossing swords with his own equipment, so stick to the less intimidating term sex toys.

If he does agree to give it a whirl, make sure you start off small and simple, avoiding vibes that resemble the male member. Opt for something like the bullet or the finger vibe.

STEP 2
LET THE GAMES BEGIN
Foreplay At His (And Your) Fingertips

When first trying out a toy, play around with it during the early stage, before things get really intense. This keeps the experimentation on a light-hearted level, where you can both gauge how you feel about the new bedfellow.

At the same time, you can use it to get extra revved. One of the main things women complain about in bed is that their men don't give them enough pre-sex pampering. Well, a vibrator can cut that prep time and put the couple at the same point on the pleasure path. 'It takes the average man 7 minutes to reach orgasm and the average woman 15 to 20 minutes,' says Berman. 'With the help of a vibrator, she can hit the arousal phase sooner, so they'll be more in sync during intercourse.'

Plus, there's a perk for him too: Using a vibrator involves much less work, so his hand (or tongue) won't go limp from trying to get you into 'go' mode. Rather than giving you a full-body massage, he can run a hand wand all over your body before bringing it to your below-the-belt region. He can also augment his current foreplay routine by using a finger vibe to stimulate you manually or slipping an oral vibe on his tongue before heading down south. If your man is comfortable with the idea, you can turn the tables and use the same turn-on toys to pleasure him during manual or oral action.

Good Vibes
Once you've both gotten the hang of the hummer, you can heat things up a bit and take it to the next stage. If you're like most women, you probably need some help reaching orgasm during the act. 'Only 30% of women are able to climax from intercourse alone,' explains Berman. 'Most need additional clitoral stimulation.'

Rather than having to get yourself into proper alignment with your guy or asking him to please you with his finger while he's trying to stay in the zone himself, offer him a quicker, easier solution. While you're on top or even in doggie-style position, he can gently press a tiny toy – like a bullet – against your clitoris. He'll still get the credit for pleasing you, but he won't wind up with carpal tunnel syndrome. And because it can help bring you to that hard-to-nail simultaneous climax, many women think a vibrator makes them feel more intimate and connected than ever.

Two For One
Some types of equipment actually have the power to stimulate you and your man simultaneously. If it feels awkward to pass your vibrator back and forth to use on each other manually, these multitasking toys could be a sexier solution for you. 'Products like a vibrating penis ring provide pleasure for him as well,' says Victoria Zdrok, PhD, author of Anatomy of Pleasure (Infinity Publishing). 'Plus, they cannot be used without him, so they can ease any anxiety he may have about vibrators making him seem inadequate.'

The ring comes equipped with a miniature buzzing bullet, meant to excite your clitoris. With you on top, position the bullet right over your bliss button, allowing both of you to get good vibrations.

We scoured the shelves for the eight best vibrators to get you going. From waterproof bath buddies to vibrating hippos, you’re bound to have fun with these sexy toys. ]]>
Fri, 09 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200
Your Eggs-Ellent Easter Sex Special http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/your-eggs-ellent-easter-sex-special
EROTIC EASTER SEX POSITIONS (PG)
Get well acquainted with each other's furry bits and go at it like rabbits this weekend. COSMO tells you how...

1. THE BUNNY BONK
HOW IT'S DONE: Both of you kneel down facing the same way. Open your legs slightly so that he can manoeuvre closer to your rear and stick your bottom out a bit until you are almost sitting on his lap. He then holds on to your waist and penetrates you from behind. To make the bonk truly bunnyish, the penetrating motion should be fast and furious.
YOU'LL LOVE IT BECAUSE: His hands are free to touch your breasts and clitoris, and with his penis angled to hit the front wall, you're in for generous G-spot stimulation.

2. THE BUNNY HOP

HOW IT'S DONE: Stand with your back against a wall and your legs slightly apart. Your man faces you and lifts you up so that your legs are wrapped around his waist. Gently lower yourself onto his penis and wrap your arms around his neck. He holds on to your thighs and then hops like a bunny.
YOU'LL LOVE IT BECAUSE: You get to kiss and cuddle, which is great for intimacy. Plus, this primal position is perfect for fast satisfaction.

3. THE KINKY CARROT CLINCH
HOW IT'S DONE: Start off with him lying on his back. Gently nibble on his, um, carrot until it's ready to be completely, um, consumed. Then turn around so your back is facing him and lower yourself onto his carrot. Push your legs back towards his shoulders, relaxing your upper body onto the bed between his feet. Then simply slide up and down, using his feet or the end of the bed for added leverage.
YOU'LL LOVE IT BECAUSE: You're making the moves – dictating how fast or slow the action is and controlling your own orgasm.

4. THE NAUGHTY BUNNY NOSE NUZZLE
HOW IT'S DONE: This is a rabbit's version of a 69, your man lies down on his back and you. Facing his feet, lie flat on top of him. Make sure your genitals are lined up with each other's heads. Then nuzzle away, burrowing your face into each other's pleasure spots.
YOU'LL LOVE IT BECAUSE: You both get to experience the sumptuous pleasure of oral sex simultaneously.

5. THE RANDY RABBIT ROMP
HOW IT'S DONE: Have your man sit against a wall or in a chair. Facing him, straddle his legs and lower yourself onto his lap. Then hold each other's arms or shoulders and do the bunny bounce until you're squealing in ecstasy.
YOU'LL LOVE IT BECAUSE: Your bodies are extremely close together and the skin-on-skin action will make you giddy with pleasure. Plus, your clitoris is at an easy-to-reach angle, allowing him to stroke your love button without interrupting the action.

And one for the chocolate-chicken lovers...

6. THE COCK-A-DOODLE-DO-ME
HOW IT'S DONE: Lie down on your back and pull your knees towards your chest. Your man kneels in front of you, grabs your feet with his hands and pulls your bottom towards him. Put your feet on his chest as he penetrates you. Watch as he hoots with pleasure and works himself towards a crowing climax.
YOU'LL LOVE IT BECAUSE: The deep, intense penetration will have you flapping your arms in pleasure.

THE HORNY HUNT
Forget Easter-egg hunting – this sexy search is all about finding each other's ultimate erogenous zones. Take your time when trying to find these pleasure treasures. Be experimental, be gentle, be naughty and nice, and savour it once you've found it – just like you would a chocolate treat. As always, COSMO is here to direct you…

HIS HOT SPOTS:
NECK – Cover the front and back of his neck with gentle kisses and licks, and watch him squirm with pleasure. But don't suck – lovebites are adolescent.
SCALP – It's probably the last place he'll expect to be touched, so surprise him. Start off with a gentle rub, increasing the pressure as you both get more turned on.
PERINEUM – This is the area between the scrotum and anus. There are loads of nerve endings there and it's really responsive to light touch. It's a great spot to massage just before he orgasms.
SCROTUM – Warning: handle with care. Gently fondle in one hand, or lightly suck and lick. If you can pull this off without laughing, take one (or both) testicles in your mouth and hum.

YOUR HOT SPOTS:
LIPS – Good sex should always start and end with a passionate, wet, sensual kiss. Get him to use his lips, tongue and teeth to play gently with your top and bottom lip.
BEHIND THE KNEES – 'Because of all the never endings behind the knee, you'd be surprised at how crazy a woman can become when you gently lick or nibble the back of her knees,' says David Strovny, sex-education writer for www.askmen.com. 'Be careful not to overdo it though. The area is very sensitive and you must be careful not to make the sensation annoying by getting too rough or tickling her too much.
WRISTS – There's something incredibly erotic about a man nibbling on your wrist – it's sure to send tingles to all the right places. Fingertips are also a great place to be licked and sucked, as they are packed with sensitive never endings.
FEET – 'The sensation of ticklishness can be pleasant for the recipient,' says Strovny. 'Women enjoy having their feet touched and massaged, and some even enjoy having them licked and sucked.' ]]>
Thu, 01 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200
Give Him The Best Sex Of His Life http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/give-him-the-best-sex-of-his-life
So we prodded a few guys to reveal the 70 toe-curling acts that are on their pleasure menus. Figure out your guy's favourites by trying every single one.

• Come to bed wearing nothing but one of my oversize tee shirts. Then let me discover you don't have any panties on.
• While we're kissing, draw my tongue into your mouth, then suck the tip. It makes me think of what you'll do to my other tip.
• Leave an X-rated message on my cellphone about what you want me to do to you.
• Open your legs wide so I can see your most intimate parts, then show me the pressure and speed that makes you orgasm.
• Place my hands on your breasts. I don't care if you're naked or wearing a sweater. It's a bold move that always gets me going.
• Take off your jeans, then ask me to slide your panties down your legs.
• Stiffen your tongue and slowly lick my neck, right over my Adam's apple.
• Run your fingers through my hair: Sounds tame, but it sends shivers down my spine.
• Gently bite my bottom lip as we ease out of a make-out session. It's electrifying.
• Next time we're at a stuffy event, whisper your filthiest secret to me.
• Leave the bedroom door open so I can 'secretly' watch you undress.
• If you wear a red G-string and a lacy bra one night then the next night you're in cotton short-shorts, I'll be constantly aroused because I won't know what to expect.
• As we're going at it in the missionary position, wrap your legs around my back and dig your heels into my butt.
• When I'm in the shower, get in behind me, lather up your hands, then run your soapy fingers along my shaft.
• Place my hand between your legs. Feeling that wetness is hot.
• Tell me how good I feel inside you.
• Get down on all fours in front of a full-length mirror, then let me take you doggie-style while we watch ourselves.
• Tie my hands together or blindfold me with the thong you just took off.
• Place a pillow under your butt before I go down on you. With your hips at an angle, I can please you longer.
• Put on a CD that has a strong backbeat, so we can rock together in rhythm.
• When we've made plans to rent a movie, surprise me by popping in a dirty DVD.
• Watch it with me until we're both so turned on that we have to go at each other.
• Double my hand-job pleasure by twisting your wrist as if you're opening a jar, while sliding your other hand up and down.
• As I'm about to enter you, turn your body away. Make me work a little for it. It's massively frustrating in the best way possible.
• Lie naked on the bed, open your legs, and put your heels on my shoulders as I stand facing you. Then touch yourself.
• When we're in a public place, lift your skirt just enough to give me a sneak peek.
• Write me a dirty letter. Describe all the nasty things you want from me.
• Make a tight ring around my penis with your index finger and thumb and glide just that ring up and down my erection.
• If I'm not thrusting hard enough or fast enough, give my bottom a light smack.
• Don't forget my ears. Run your tongue around the edge and nibble on my lobe.
• Play with your breasts in front of me. Show me that you love touching them too.
• When you're teasing me with your tongue, lightly pump two knuckles into that patch of skin between my manhood and my family jewels.
• Lower yourself over my mouth. I can give you mucho gratification that way.
• Put your hand over mine and ask me to caress myself like I do when you're away.
• After you shave your legs, rub baby oil all over them, and then mount me so I can slide my hands along them as we do it.
• During doggie-style, reach through your legs and cup my testicles. I'll blow a gasket.
• Dab some lubricant into your palm, then massage the head of my penis.
• Straddle me cowgirl-style, extending one leg up by my head and the other down near my foot. The friction is so hot.
• Leave the lights on.
• Suck on each of my fingers in the same way you would go down on me.
• Stroke my entire body with just your breasts. End at my mouth so I can kiss them.
• There's this tiny knob on the underside of my member, where the shaft and the crown meet. Stroke it, lick it, flick it with your tongue. Just don't ignore it.
• Bend over in front of me when you're not wearing any underwear.
• Wet the tip of your finger with your own lubrication, then run it along my lips.
• Squeeze my shaft between the V of your forefinger and middle finger, and then slide the V up and down.
• Take just the head of my penis into your body. Squeeze tight, clenching your thighs.
• Lower yourself onto my lap while wearing nothing but spiky high heels.
• Let me videotape us doing it. Once we watch it, you can erase it, I promise.
• As I get more excited during the deed, pinch my nipples. The closer I get to climax, the more I crave a rougher touch.
• Do me with our clothes still on – just move the necessary articles out of the way.
• While you're on top and facing me, lift your hips a bit so I see my shaft inside you.
• Leave hot little surprises for me, like a thong or a lacy bra in my briefcase.
• During missionary raise your arms over your head so you're lying with your breasts exposed. I love watching them jiggle.
• Before I'm hard, slowly circle my penis with your tongue only, no hands.
• You know that trail that leads from my belly button to my package? Trace it with your tongue, then do it again, using more forceful nips and bites.
• While we're driving, get me to pull over somewhere deserted. Then climb into my lap for some naughty girl-on-top sex.
• Tense your lips during a blowjob.
• When you're wearing a skirt, back up against a wall, then let me take off your panties and lift you up for a quickie.
• Right before you take me into your mouth, push me toward the edge of the bed so that my head is bent back a bit over the side. The blood moving toward my head makes coming more intense.
• Lick along the creases that separate my thighs from my torso.
• Put on a pair of thin leather gloves, then run your hands over my chest during sex. It looks and feels dangerous and edgy.
• Torture me by guiding my member to your opening, then leaving it there without letting me inside.
• While going down on me, bring my legs up to your shoulders. With my feet off the bed, I'll feel so exposed and vulnerable.
• While giving me oral sex, make a humming sound. The vibrations feel so good.
• Put a hot twist on missionary by placing your feet against my chest with your legs crossed. Your grip will feel extra-tight.
• Do me while sitting in a chair or spooning on the bed so I can go really deep.
• During sex, keep your hips still while squeezing me with your vaginal muscles.
• After we've finished but while I'm still inside you, glide your fingertips in circles over my butt. What a way to wind down… if I don't get worked up again. ]]>
Fri, 26 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200
What Your Sex Dreams Mean http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-your-sex-dreams-mean
So how do you figure out what your randy nocturnal visions are telling you, exactly? We've uncovered the hidden meanings behind some common but cryptic carnal dreams.

SEX DREAM 1
You Shagged Your Boss

Wake-up call: In some cases, dreaming of having sex with a higher-up hints at an attraction that you're denying when awake, says Delaney. But usually, a boinking-your-boss dream has more to do with admiring their power position than it does harbouring frisky feelings.

'Many women have this dream after a promotion or an accomplishment at work,' says Gillian Holloway PhD, professor of psychology at Marylhurst University and author of The Complete Dream Book (Sourcebooks). 'You probably aspire to achieve the level of success that your boss has and think about how to get there, which is why he or she turned up in your dream,' she says. So use it as a catalyst to develop a skill you respect in your boss – via a class or just a one-on-one meeting – so you can keep heading in his or her hot career trajectory.

SEX DREAM 2
You Had a Rendezvous With a Celebrity

Wake-up call: There's no better way to wake up than fresh from a fling with Gerard Butler (except, perhaps, to actually wake up next to him). 'People who are sexually active but aren't currently having sex – whether it's due to their partner's being away or a recent breakup – often have celebrity-centric sex dreams,' says psychologist Patricia Farrell, PhD, author of How to Be Your Own Therapist (McGraw-Hill Education). In other words, you're subconsciously craving a shag... and your famous bed buddy is bringing that purely physical urge to the forefront.

SEX DREAM 3
You Got It On With a Girl

Wake-up call: If you've never been with a woman, you may wonder if some latent bisexual urges are surfacing, but that's not likely. 'Usually, when straight women have same-sex dreams, they're doing it with a woman they admire,' says Delaney. It's not that you secretly want her body; it's more likely that you have a platonic girl-crush. You may love her style or killer personality so you dreamed about getting 'intimate' with her to feel close to her fabulousness.

What do you do with this info? 'Look at the dream without paying attention to the sexual encounter,' says Farrell. 'If there's something about her that you like, make small changes in your life to work on those traits.' For example, if she has an approachable air that draws people to her; try throwing a small party for friends and have everyone bring someone you don't know so you get a prime op to be just as socially savvy.

SEX DREAM 4
You Slept With Your Friend's Man

Wake-up call: Just because you dove under the sheets with him in a spicy slumber-induced fantasy doesn't mean you've hatched a subversive plot to steal a friend's boyfriend. He probably just has qualities that you wish your guy had. 'Often a dream will "borrow" a situation from a friends life,' says Holloway. 'If your friend has a funnier, more sensitive, spontaneous, or successful partner than you do, the dream may be suggesting that you'd like to be with someone like him or that you'd like more excitement, empathy, or laughter in your life.'

SEX DREAM 5
You Bedded a Relative
Wake-up call: Most people have this kind of dream a few times, says Holloway and it can cause major anxiety. But rest assured, freaky familial fantasies rarely have anything to do with incest. 'They usually have to do with personality types that you encounter in your life that remind you of your family,' Holloway says. 'For instance, if your brother used to tease you as a kid, and now your guy jokes around with you a lot, you might dream about sleeping with your brother because they share that trait.'

So next time a too-close-to-home nightmare crops up, put it into perspective by thinking about specific ways this relative could remind you of someone else. Chances are, you'll figure out the connection and feel less freaked out.

SEX DREAM 6
You Had a Romp With Your Ex

Wake-up call: Whether you're single or paired up with a new guy, it can be jarring to wake up realising you've had a fantasy shag with an old beau. While this dream could be quite literal, says Delaney (that is, you miss having carnal contact with him or you want him back and you're downplaying that yearning in your waking life), don't automatically assume that's the case.

'You might be completely over your ex, but you may not have dealt with all the emotional baggage the breakup brought on, so your subconscious is reminding you that there are still some issues to work through,' explains Holloway. Maybe you're worried about how committed your current boyfriend really is or you feel anxious about a new fling moving too fast. 'Look at the dream as an alert that you need to address the problem so it doesn't cause a snag in your current relationship... or your next one,' advises Farrell.

SEX DREAM 7
You're Flying

Wake-up call: Okay, so technically you're not hooking up, but often when you dream that you're soaring through the air, you've recently had a sex-filled rendezvous with a new guy in real life. 'This euphoric feeling is called ecstatic flight, and it's analogous to an orgasm,' says Holloway. 'Flying dreams are usually about getting some freedom in your life and being as unfettered as you possibly can. The dream could be telling you that stepping out of your sexual comfort zone is allowing you to break free of your fears and insecurities and that you should move forward with your adventurousness.'

So instead of shying away from trying a position with a guy that totally exposes your body, surrender to feeling a little vulnerable and go for it. The result: You may have bigger, better orgasms outside of your dreams too. ]]>
Fri, 19 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200
Sexy Things To Do With Food http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sexy-things-to-do-with-food
• E-mail him a picture of a jar of chocolate fudge with the message 'Dessert at my place, 8pm.'
• Swipe honey across your lips, and give your guy a sweet kiss that'll make him want to devour you.
• Have a picnic in your living room with finger foods like olives, berries, and chocolate. Take turns blindfolding and hand-feeding each other.
• Sip club soda, hold it in your mouth, and head down south to treat his member to a fizzy blast of pleasure.
• For instant chills, have him spoon sorbet onto your stomach and lick it off.
• Spray whipped cream on your guy's lower abs and upper thighs in a swirling pattern, with his member as the bull's eye. Nearing the target will turn him on like crazy.
• Have him coat your nipples with caramel sauce, then undress you using his mouth.
• Gently blow sparkling ice shavings onto his chest through a straw, then lick them off with your warm tongue.
• Loosely bind his hands with a black liquorice string for kinky-lite play.
• Have him dot a trail of frozen chocolate chips along your spine (your backbone has tons of nerve endings) and kiss each spot as he removes the chips with his lips.
• Put cucumber slices over his closed eyes, and give him oral action. The cool sensation on his lids plus your hot mouth below will make his toes curl.
• Smooth hazelnut-chocolate spread across his intensely sensitive inner wrists and arms, and run your tongue over his sugary skin.
• Keep a cup of cold water and a cup of lukewarm peppermint tea near the bed. Have your man take a sip, swish the tea around in his mouth, then give you oral attention, switching to cool water after 30 seconds. The temperature tease is electrifying.
• Paint a part of your body with vanilla icing – your collarbone, in between your breasts – and have him lick it off. Bonus: It's a great way to show him sexy new places he can touch you. ]]>
Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200
The Art of Penis Reading http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-art-of-penis-reading
THE PESTLE
• Notably longer and thicker than average
• Skin has heavy pigmentation
• Testicles hang low, are dark-coloured and heavy

THE SPEAR
• Long and narrow, and light in colour
• A shaft that thins slightly towards the end and often bends to the left or right like a banana
• High and firm testicles

THE TOMBSTONE
• Shorter than average, but unusually thick
• A wide and bulbous head
• Big, pendulous and rough-textured testicles

THE DART
• Smaller and slimmer than average
• Light in colour
• Texture is smooth, with pale, firm testicles

Now, discover his penis personality…

The Pestle is conservative in his bedroom antics, choosing 'spoons' or missionary unless otherwise encouraged. He enjoys taking sex slowly and is good on foreplay, and likes to wait until you come before he does – a true gent.
GREAT IF you like traditional male/female roles. He holds the door open for you, but may want to throw his dirty laundry in with yours.

The Spear is a born leader who likes to take the lead in the bedroom and make decisions on your behalf outside. He is more interested in his career than his relationships, and enjoys the company of women. Watch out: he doesn't resist temptation easily.
GREAT IF you're a career woman with your own ambitions, looking for fun, not commitment.

The Tombstone thinks his friends are more important than his job title, but can be stubborn as hell. He's a child at heart and would love to have his own family one day. He's a creative, attentive lover whose perfect shag would be under candlelight after a big roast you've cooked for friends.
GREAT IF you like to hang out with his friends as much as he does.

The Dart might have a modest package, but he can still deliver a great experience. He truly excels in pillow talk, being the most intuitive and sensitive of this bunch, but he also has a limited attention span and can be irritatingly competitive.
GREAT IF you want a friend as well as a lover. Not so great when you have to keep reinventing yourself to keep him interested. ]]>
Wed, 10 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200
Sexpectation http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sexpectation
The bizarre thing about sexpectation is that we rarely admit we're feeling it, even to ourselves. It's kind of on par with that sensation you have when you're feeling really good about a job interview, but don't want to jinx it by telling anyone. No one wants to pre-empt getting lucky only to be let down, so we figure it's best to just keep quiet and secretly hope it will all come off. (Naturally, if it does come off, the whole world will know about it.)

Don't think you have to be single to enjoy the jitters of this optimistic sex-calculation. Just as there are many ways to roll in the proverbial hay, there are also countless variations of sexpectation. There are the more obvious: the third-date/third-base anticipation, or the post-send thrill you get when you fire off a booty call SMS. Then there's the more unlikely, more old-fashioned feeling you get when you're finally about to meet up with the guy you've been shamelessly flirting with. But there's also the sexpectation you enjoy as part of A Couple. Like the thoughts lingering behind your smile as you collect The Boy from the airport, or the secret high you get when the two of you set off on a dirty weekend.

Men absolutely have their own brand of sexual anticipation too (which is, uh, slightly less subtle than ours). However, we ladies will generally complement our sexpectation with a few telltale preparations, like cleaning our room (as in Guests Coming Over clean) before we head out for the night, or simply having a bikini wax. Call it odd (because, well, it is), but for some reason, women believe these things are 'wasted' unless they're 'fully utilised'. Although this isn't to say that if we do these things, we're guaranteed rumpy pumpy. In fact, it can be quite the contrary.

I have a friend, let's call her Kate, and the second she starts entertaining sexpectation, she's most definitely not getting any. She serves to highlight the danger of this game: if you get too carried away with your sordid expectations and focus on them too much, you can scare off any opportunities. It's the Murphy's law of sexpectation: the night you are utterly ready for lovin', you'll go home alone save for a garage pie. There is no explanation for this, except that the universe is sometimes a selfish A-hole that doesn't want you getting nookie.

Sexpectation isn't a lead-up brag before getting your freak on. Nor will it automatically ruin your chances. (Cleaning your room might, however.) Think of it as a hopeful waiting period preceding a rendezvous that's just shy of a sure thing. And sometimes, just sometimes, it's sweeter than the sex itself. ]]>
Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200
Condomonium! http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/condomonium
1. Open the package carefully. Using your teeth may look sexy and carefree but it can result in tearing the condom.
2. Using your thumb and forefinger, squeeze all the air out of the tip.
3. Unroll the condom slightly to make sure you're heading in the right direction. The rolled-up ring should be on the outside.
4. Holding the condom by its tip, place it on the head of his penis, ensuring no air gets trapped. An air bubble could cause the latex to split during sex.
5. Slowly begin to roll the condom down his shaft. There is no real difference between gloving an uncircumcised and a circumcised penis but you may need to pull his foreskin back if he still has it. Also pull back any stray pubic hairs that might get in the way – you don't want painful tugging to ruin his experience.
6. Roll down the condom all the way to the base of the penis for a secure fit.
7. Apply additional lube if necessary. Make sure it's water-based, as oil-based products can weaken the latex. Yes, that includes baby oil and whipped cream!
8. Check up on the sin skin periodically – during a marathon sex session, it's possible for the condom to slip off or tear, especially if you're changing positions frequently.

CONDOM 101
They say good things come in threes and it's true of the makeup of the condom.

PART FUNCTION
THE RING At the open end is a hard rubber ring that helps keep the condom from falling off.
THE TIP On the opposite end from the ring is the tip, which acts as a reservoir for ejaculate.
THE SHEATH In between is the sheath, which covers the shaft.

SLICK FACTS
• Durex makes and sells almost a billion condoms each year.
• A condom can hold about 3,75 litres of liquid.
• Women are responsible for between 40% and 70% of all condom purchases. Way to go, girls!
• Carrying a condom in your bag doesn't make you a 'bad girl'. Almost l00% of one-night stands are unplanned, and almost 100% of planned sex is planned, so it really is essential to come prepared.
• According to the US National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, up to six percent of men and women show sensitivity to the proteins present in latex rubber. This can lead to itchiness, rashes and shortness of breath – but it's not a valid reason for skipping the wet suit. Non-latex condoms made from polyurethane material, such as Avanti, are now available at leading pharmacies.

WHAT'S A CONDOM MADE OF?
Condoms come in three materials. Here's what you need to know:

MATERIAL LATEX
(A Type Of Rubber)
POLYURETHANE
(A Type Of Plastic)
NATURAL SKIN
(Usually Lambskin)
PROS The safest, most readily available, and least expensive material. Plastic is thinner and less constricting than latex. Natural membrane condoms offer more sensitivity than latex or polyurethane.
CONS One to six percent of the population is allergic to latex. They're not as widely available. Studies have found that they break and slip more often than latex condoms (though the incidence is still low). They are effective in preventing pregnancy, but they do not protect against STDs. They're also more expensive than latex.

THE HOTTEST SHAPES AND STYLES
Pick one of these prophylactics for maximum pleasure...
TEXTURED (Ribbed/Nubbed/Studded): Additional texture stimulates nerve endings in the vaginal walls for your gratification. (However, some women say they can't feel a difference.)
POUCHED: Pouched condoms have 'pockets' on the sides or near the tip. These condoms are designed to be looser fitting in the areas that cover the nerve endings of the penis, increasing friction and sensitivity for him.
ULTRATHIN: The thinner the latex, the more sensation you'll both feel. There's no evidence to suggest these thinner condoms are any likelier to break if used as directed.
COLOURED, FLAVOURED, GLOW-IN-THE-DARK: These condoms are a great way to add playfulness and ease some of the tension, which leads to hotter sex.

TRICKS GUYS LOVE… BUT MOST GIRLS DON'T KNOW
Use these sexy moves to get Mr. Mojo rising and he'll be begging to put on a condom.

THE TRICK HOW TO DO IT WHY HE'LL LOVE IT
CREATE A WARMING TREND Surprise him with a condom that has a warming agent built into the lubricant. The warming agent creates a sexy new sensation for both of you.
GIVE HIM A JIFFY LUBE Put a drop of water-based lube inside the tip (or dome) of the condom. (Oil-based lube causes latex to break down.) It increases sensitivity for him, making it feel more like he's not wearing a condom.
SAVE ROOM FOR DESSERT If you want to pleasure him orally first, put a condom on his member, then add a topping like chocolate sauce or whipped cream to avoid the rubbery taste. It will be a yummier pre-sex prelude for you. Just be sure he puts on a new condom before sex or it's a yeast infection waiting to happen.
GET BUZZZZED Try the vibrating condom ring, which fits around the base of the penis (over the condom) and omits good vibrations. These vibrations increase his sensation while the tiny buzzing motor is strategically placed to ring your doorbell.

CONDOM TROUBLESHOOTING
Here are some strategies for banishing common condom conundrums:
IF ONE OF YOU IS ALLERGIC TO LATEX...
If reactions such as itching, irritation, and burning occur, try polyurethane or natural skin, and avoid condoms with spermicide, especially nonoxynol-9, which can cause irritation oven if you aren't allergic.
IF CONDOMS MAKE HIM LOSE HIS ERECTION…
In addition to larger or thinner condoms, he can try a cock ring (placed at the base of the shaft and around his testicles), which keeps the blood supply from draining from the penis.
IF HE EJACULATES TOO SOON...
lf your guy is more of an Olympic-level sprinter than a marathon man, try condoms which are lubricated with a slight numbing agent that may keep him in the race longer.
IF THE RUBBER BREAKS OR SLIPS OFF…
Wash yourself well, and see a doctor ASAP to be tested for STDs. If you're not on the Pill (or another form of birth control), a doctor can prescribe the morning-after pill. ]]>
Fri, 26 Feb 2010 12:00 +0200
He-Tox Your Sex Life http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/he-tox-your-sex-life
When my friend Gemma, 29, a PA, split up with Adam, she was devastated. 'He was the perfect mix of dominant, sensitive, adventurous and extremely well-hung,' she recalls. 'It was the best sex of my life and I knew I'd never meet a lover as good as him again. The next time I slept with someone was a disaster. He smelt wrong, was too hairy and licked rather than nibbled. Basically, he wasn't Adam and, within minutes, I wanted him out of my bed. That night, I felt the pain of our break-up all over again.'

It's no surprise that ex-sex is so hard to eradicate from our minds. For starters, sex is, physiologically, a bigger deal for women. Men have 10 times more testosterone in their bodies than us so, for them, arousal can easily bring ex-amnesia. But we tend to need an emotional connection to our lover – even if only fleeting. When our hearts are bypassed, arousal is more difficult, especially once the first lust-fuelled madness has passed. This explains why 85% of women in a survey from the book The New Male Sexuality (Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group) said emotional involvement was essential for intercourse. This can make sex more meaningful, which is brilliant, but also makes it tougher to forget.

'During sex, we release eight times more of the bonding hormone oxytocin than men,' explains Kate Taylor, author of A Woman's Guide To Sex (Firefly Books). 'As well as this, when you think about the physicality of sex, women literally let the man enter their bodies.' It's true, isn't it? No matter what the scientists say or how cool you try to be, when someone has actually been inside your body, it's hard not to be emotional about them. Sometimes it's draining enough letting a new man into your flat, let alone your vagina.

Nevertheless, we still hope the 'new' will somehow wring out the 'old', but all that happens is that you're reminded of the 'old' even more. And even if the new smell, body and technique don't activate nostalgia, there are plenty of other reasons why having sex for the first time after an ex can be nerve-wracking. I don't know about you, but whenever I've been AWOS (Absent Without Sex) for more than a month, I'm convinced a whole range of new sexual practices must have been invented behind my back. And if your last sexual relationship was lousy, there's a chance you'll be pondering, 'Do all men come in five seconds/refuse to go down on you/batter your clitoris/pester you for a threesome?' Short of the drastic option of never sleeping with anyone again, there must be ways to erase those emotional ex-sex triggers and flashbacks of 'shags past' from your future clinches. Right?

OLD HABITS DIE HARD
First things first: being naked in front of a man who's never seen you naked before is terrifying. Whereas you had no qualms about padding about your ex's flat totally naked, the thought of removing all your clothes in front of a new guy can be scary. For some reason, I imagine all new boyfriends' exes possessed flat stomachs, pert boobs and toned thighs. Tracey Cox, of The Sex lnspectors, agrees: 'I don't think many people feel comfortable stripping in front of a total stranger. But it does help to forget any preconceived notions you might possess about having to climb into bed on date three. And remember, while you're sucking in your stomach, he's nervous that the arms you're grabbing onto aren't as muscular as your ex's were.' OK, so he's worried too, but what about intimacy? Your ex knew how to turn you on, and there's nothing like a prod in the wrong place to remind you how in-tune you used to be.

Pippa, 26, a designer, agrees: 'I spent three years with Simon and we'd perfected things in bed. He knew exactly how I liked to be touched, and he was talented at oral sex. I didn't realise quite how talented until I started dating other men. No one can do it like him. It's incredibly frustrating!'

Cox isn't sympathetic. 'How boring! What a pain to have a gorgeous new lover rediscover all your known sensitive spots – and some unknown ones. How tedious to have to guide his deliciously sensitive tongue to all the right bits. How awful to spend all day in bed, fuelled by champagne and oysters, taking him on a guided tour of your body.' Well, put like that...

But it's undeniable: there is something comforting about getting into bed with a man you've been with for ages. You know and love all their bits and pieces, and adapting to a new body can be hard. In the beginning with Ade, I missed Rick's smooth chest. After we split, I met David and I yearned for Ade's hairy chest. And when I met Michael, I mourned David's beautiful bum. I've accepted that, like anything new, there's an uncomfortable period of transition – but finding something good they have that the ex doesn't always helps.

Yet even the sturdiest positive attitude can waver the first time you have sex after a break up. It's so emotional, many of us have a good cry afterwards, but you shouldn't be ashamed or worried. It takes time to build up a sexual CV with a new man. In the meantime, psychosexual counsellor Joy Rosendale suggests keeping your eyes open while in bed with him. 'This stops you retreating into the past. Looking into your new partner's eyes will keep you in the present.'

You can also make practical changes to mark the transition from old to new. 'Buy new undies!' advises Taylor. 'Something as simple as wearing knickers that your ex never saw can feel liberating. New sheets, new candles and moving the bed to a new position will help you remember that the novelty of exploring a brand new body can be what the best sex is really made of.'

Of course, when it comes to ex-sex, there's a chance the sexual legacy you're desperate to forget isn't a positive one.

Carla, 28, a press officer, had two successive boyfriends who rarely went down on her. 'I ended up with a complex – even though I continued giving them blow jobs, I no longer expected or even wanted reciprocation. Now I'm with a fantastic guy who loves it, but it took me ages to relax and enjoy it.' Learning to exorcise ex-sex really comes into its own if you're moving from a selfish lover to a caring, generous one. It can feel wonderfully liberating and usually we end up thinking, 'Why the hell did I put up with that lousy creep for so long?'

MOVING ON
Getting to the point of moving on can take time, and it's all too easy to languish in post-break-up recovery. I once loitered here for so long that when I eventually did go to bed with a new man, I quivered like a born-again virgin. Meanwhile, during periods of celibacy, I imagined the dating jungle was full of female sexual gymnasts. The types who do yoga and can tuck their ankles behind their ears, or know the secrets of Shanghai brothels. Cox knows that feeling. 'After my divorce, the first few times I went out I felt truly tragic. Everyone seemed younger, prettier and more together than I was. But it didn't take me long to realise that, although things appear to change fast in dating land, it's mostly surface.'

She's right. Nothing's changed; everyone's doing it exactly like they always used to.

Well, not quite everybody. Gemma has found happiness with a new man. 'I rarely think of Adam. OK, so my new boyfriend isn't as technically brilliant in bed as he was, but the relationship as a whole is so much better that I don't care. I'm doing something with my new man that I never did with Adam – we're making love, not just having sex. Great sex on its own doesn't mean a great relationship. Once you get that into your head, it's much easier to get the ex-sex out.'

EX-SEX FEARS EXORCISED, FAST! A first-time sex opportunity is on the cards – but you're worried…

Ex-Sex Fear #1
IS IT TOO SOON?

If you feel it's too soon, it probably is. 'Give yourself permission to go slowly and not have sex until you're sure of your feelings,' says Rosendale.

Ex-Sex Fear #2
MY EX LOVED MY BODY. WILL HE?

'Unless you're dating a male model, your new lover's body isn't going to be perfect, either. Give yourself a break,' advises Cox. You can always cover up with sheets until you feel comfortable.

Ex-Sex Fear #3
WILL I REMEMBER WHAT TO DO?

Rarely does first-time sex with a new man go like in the movies. 'Don't expect the first few sessions to have the practised ease of the last few sessions with an ex,' says Taylor. 'Try to enjoy the newness – if he lasts, the newness won't!'

Ex-Sex Fear #4
WHAT IF HE'S NOT AS GOOD AS I'M USED TO?

'Don't compare this with those you enjoyed with your ex,' advises Taylor. 'Imagine he has an L-plate on his bottom and keep that in mind; he's probably using moves his ex enjoyed.'

Ex-Sex Fear #5
WILL HE THINK I'M ANY GOOD?

According to a survey, enthusiasm is the most important quality for men in a sexual partner. Cox agrees: 'It beats the hell out of technical skills.' ]]>
Thu, 18 Feb 2010 12:00 +0200
The Female Viagra http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-female-viagra
It is unlikely that drug companies will market Viagra to older, menopausal women only. One of the unapproved and more popular drugs, Flibanserin, is marketed as a libido booster to physically healthy, pre-menopausal women. And while we’d all like to believe there is something out there to boost our sexual desire when we’re feeling a little low, the consensus amongst sexologists and researchers is that female Viagra is simply about profit margins and nothing more.

Psychiatrist Leonore Tiefer from the New York University School of Medicine told the Daily Mail, ‘If Flibanserin, or something like it, is approved, my fear is that all kinds of women – with or without sexual problems – will be tempted or pressured to take it.’

Clinical psychologist and psychosexual therapist Dr Claire Rockliffe-Fidler is adamant that female Viagra is a farce. ‘Viagra is not licensed for use in women and the results of studies done have been inconclusive.’

Dr. Marlene Wasserman agrees: ‘There is no female Viagra – not now and not in the foreseeable future. Viagra is in fact contra indicated for women, which means it cannot be prescribed for women.’

‘A woman’s sexual function is highly complex and her arousal is not only dependent on physical factors,’ says Rockliffe-Fidler, ‘but on many psychological and cognitive factors, such as are you focusing on stimulation, are you open to the idea of sex, and are you comfortable with yourself and your partner? People believe Viagra will enhance interest in sex, but this is not possible.’

Rockliffe-Fidler explains that Viagra assists the body with arousal (in a very small group of women), and not desire. The misconception, she says, is that if a woman’s arousal is enhanced, she will enjoy sex more. Not true! Viagra will not enhance arousal if there are psychological factors getting in the way, such as stress, demands and a diminished libido, says Rockliffe-Fidler.

Wasserman explains that the drugs being launched in the USA and Europe, have nothing to do with Viagra. ‘The new drug is in clinical trials and will only be available in South Africa in about three years time.’ Because it is being launched in the USA and Europe within the next year, she says, ‘we will be hearing a lot about it, so it is important that we educate the public way before the drug gets here.’

Liz Canner, director of documentary Orgasm Inc. is also trying to prove female Viagra is merely a money-making tool. ‘Basically, the drug companies are developing “sex aids” for which they can charge more money. Women would have to take this pill every day, which again, means more money for the companies.’ The pill’s ‘positive’ side effects aren’t exactly stimulating. ‘A drug, like Flibanserin, not only lowers your inhibitions, but will only guarantee you a 0.8 extra sexual event per month. You’re likely to have a better time drinking,’ says Canner.

‘When Viagra came out for men,’ explains Canner, ‘it was a blockbuster industry, and drug companies believe there will be a bigger market for women.’ What women don’t realise is these drugs will come with dangerous side effects, including cardio-vascular problems and even breast cancer. ‘Quite a few women developed breast cancer after they participated in the clinical trials in the US.’

Canner believes the ‘cure’ drug companies are trying to procure for female sexual dysfunction doesn’t come in a pill or a capsule, but rather through foreplay and a couple’s closeness. ‘The reality is they are nowhere near finding a proper drug – sexuality is much more complex than a pill or a patch.’

So, the results are in. If you’re physically struggling with arousal, you shouldn’t be looking to pharmaceutical companies for answers. Rather visit your gynaecologist, psychologist or sexologist before you start looking for a quick libido fix. Play together and, as Canner says, foreplay is key. And if that doesn’t turn you on, take Canner’s advice: ‘There’s nothing sexier than a man with a vacuum cleaner.’ ]]>
Fri, 12 Feb 2010 12:00 +0200
Sexual Healing http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sexual-healing
After visiting the gynaecologist, Andrea was told that she had vaginismus.

‘Vaginismus is a condition in which the muscles in the lower third of the vagina involuntarily constrict so tightly that they’re unable to allow penetration, or at least make penetration incredibly painful,’ explains clinical sexologist and DISA Health Care Director, Professor Elna McIntosh. The result, she says, is that a couple is either unable have sex at all, or is able to do so, but with tremendous difficulty. ‘Studies have shown that up to 47% of women experience general pain during sex, and between 6% and 10% suffer with vaginismus,’ says McIntosh.

Andrea’s relationship subsequently ended, and when she met her new partner, Greg,* she always found ways to avoid having sex. After two months of foreplay and no penetration, she told Greg the truth about her fear of sex, and together, they began to work through it. ‘For the first time, I realised I wasn’t alone. So many women are going through the same things as me and don’t know how to treat it.’

However, McIntosh believes that vaginismus can be misdiagnosed. Sometimes, what is thought to be vaginismus, is actually an unrealistic fear or phobia, says McIntosh. A woman might not even be conscious of her fear, she explains.

‘For example, fear of re-experiencing pain after unsuccessful attempts can quickly set up a self-perpetuating cycle, creating a greater likelihood of painful penetration, which simply creates more fear.’

WHAT TO DO
McIntosh advises you see a gynaecologist and attend to any physiological issues. Next, she recommends seeing a psychotherapist, preferably one certified in sex therapy, to identify and address your fears.

‘Once you, your gynaecologist and your therapist have addressed all physiological and psychological problems, the final step is to reprogram your central nervous system.’ This includes discovering your pleasure zones and becoming more familiar with your vagina, says McIntosh.

‘You’ll need to engage in a process called systematic desensitisation,’ advises McIntosh. This process teaches your central nervous system that its self-protective automatic responses aren’t necessary and are, in fact, not desired, she says.

‘If you remain diligent in your exercises, you’ll eventually find your involuntary reactions decreasing and your comfort and desire for having sex increasing,’ says McIntosh. When you do attempt sex, make sure to use lubrication and be gentle, as it won’t necessarily be enjoyable the first time around. Begin with gentle penetration, progress to gentle thrusting, and eventually you’ll be able to enjoy painless sex, says McIntosh.

‘We tried 10 times before we were successful,’ says Andrea. ‘The night it was successful, I wasn’t even expecting it, something in my mind and body just let go. For the first time in my life I was able to have sex without any reservations or worries. Ever since that day, it has become easier.’ And Andrea and Greg haven’t looked back. They are engaged and have a fulfilling, and more importantly, fearless sex life.

DID YOU KNOW?
There are more kinds of sexual phobias than you think:
• Genophobia – the fear of having sex
• Heterophobia – the fear of the opposite sex
• Sexophobia – the fear of genitalia
• Erotophobia – the feeling of guilt/fear relating to sex
• Coitophobia – the fear of heterosexual sex ]]>
Fri, 05 Feb 2010 12:00 +0200
Feel Sexier Naked http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/feel-sexier-naked Smile. This simple expression will lower blood pressure and put you at ease, making you more in tune with your body.

Play it smooth. You will feel clean, fresh and sexy after a wax session or at-home trim. If shaving, opt for an evening date with the razor, when your skin is less swollen. Remember to exfoliate and moisturise for a soft and silky finish.

Ditch your white sheets. It’s thought that coloured linens make your skintone appear warmer (read: flattering and alluring).

Dust up on some bronzer. Areas to hit: face, buttocks and stomach for sexy definition. Baby oil and a spray tan will also help to highlight your curves.

Play up your best features. Amp up your lashes if you have great eyes, or wear high heels to make great legs look fabulous. These little boosts of glamour will transfer to areas where you feel less confident.

Buy a sexy robe. Wear a silky dressing gown – it’ll make you feel like a ’40s pin-up girl in your own home.

Light candles. Beeswax candles will cast the most flattering light; overhead lights cast harsh shadows.

Don’t brush off praise. If he regularly compliments you on a particular body part, it must be great. Say thank you and revel in it!

Decorate with plants. Plants and flowers bring a calming energy to any space, which will make you more ‘at one’ with all the natural elements in your home while you’re naked. Buy yourself a house plant or a fresh bunch of flowers to put in your bedroom.

Get your mojo working. Sit in a chair and feel your tailbone press into the seat, then gently rock back and forth for 30 seconds. This is said to stimulate energy through the body, making you feel more confident. ]]>
Thu, 28 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200
Getting Tested http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/getting-tested
THE ONE-NIGHT-STAND
Speaking to someone you don’t really know about STIs might be tricky, but the real juggling act is deciding whether or not to trust what you’re being told by a practical stranger. Cape Town sexologist and psychologist, Dr. Claire Rockliffe-Fidler, says you simply don’t know that cute architect who’s been buying you cocktails all night well enough to know whether or not his word is trustworthy.

‘If you are in the position where things have become so heated that you’re contemplating a one-night-stand, both you and your partner aren’t likely to be thinking rationally,’ says Rockliffe-Fidler. People can be vague with their answers when they’re in the heat of the moment. ‘You’re not exactly listening 100%; you’re more than likely listening for the answer you want to hear.’

You can introduce the topic by telling him what tests you’ve had done, when you had them and what the results were, she advises. ‘If he doesn’t volunteer the same information, it will clear the way for him to be asked the same questions.’

If you don’t get the answer you’re looking for and he hasn’t been tested, suggest other stimulating activities that don’t involve skin-on-skin touch or fluid exchange, says Rockliffe-Fidler. ‘You can still excite one another while keeping safe.’

Broaching the Topic: When you realise the night is going to turn into more than just heavy petting, make sure you’re prepared. Simply ask ‘Have you got condoms?’ If he doesn’t have any on him, ask him if he’s been testing for STIs recently. If he hasn’t, get up and leave; it’s just not worth the risk.

THE NEW MAN
‘Making the leap from condoms to a non-barrier method of birth control is a big step in both your relationship, and your health,’ says sexologist and DISA Health Care Director, Prof. Elna McIntosh. ‘Having an open discussion with your partner about becoming exclusive, as well as a frank rundown of your sexual histories, is very important, but it’s still not enough.’

If you and your new man have become an exclusive couple and decide you want to be rid of the rubber barrier between you, says McIntosh, it’s imperative to get tested together and continue to practice safe sex until you get your results.

Don’t think that because you’re not having sex, you’re safe from STIs. ‘STI’s don’t need much more than a wet, warm environment to set up shop, so the mouth is as hospitable as the genitals,’ says McIntosh. ‘Gonorrhoea, herpes, hepatitis, genital human papilloma virus (HPV), and even HIV, can be transmitted through oral sex.’

For the same reason you use a condom when you’re not sure about a new partner’s STI status, you should play it safe when it comes to oral sex, advises McIntosh. ‘Just don’t make the mistake of assuming oral sex is safe sex until you’ve both been tested.’

Broaching the Topic: ‘Now that we’re exclusive, I’d like us to start with a clean slate. Let’s get tested.’ Becoming part of a couple means taking responsibility for not only yourself, but for his wellbeing too. Turn getting tested together into a bonding session.

THE LONG-TERM PARTNER
Sex and relationships go together, says clinical sexologist Leandie Buys, and having sex with someone you’re not in a relationship with is extremely dangerous, both physically and emotionally. Women in particular attach a lot of meaning and emotion to sex, and can therefore be left feeling vulnerable and exploited when sex is not supported by a loving relationship, explains Buys.

‘When it comes to talking to your partner about sex, you have the right to ask awkward questions if you think your life could be at stake,’ says Buys. Don’t leave questions like ‘Are you positive?’ or ‘Have you been tested?’ for when you’re about to have sex. ‘Couples should openly discuss their status before it reaches this stage.’

‘Knowing your partner’s sexual history is very important,’ advises Buys. ‘If you feel your partner has not been entirely honest with you about their past, you need to listen to these warning bells. Being prepared and knowing your partner’s sexual history will give you the security and confidence you need to get the most out of sex, and the relationship.’

Broaching the Topic: ‘I think we need to get tested again. It seems like a long time since we’ve both been tested.’ At this stage in your relationship you shouldn’t feel awkward about topics that concern your and his safety. You need to know whether or not he has been tested, as well as what the results of his last test were.

McIntosh gives us the rundown of 10 dreaded STIs you want to avoid… and should be tested for.

1. HIV – It can go undetected for many years and takes up to 10 years to develop into full-blown Aids. How it’s tested: Blood test.
2. Syphilis – Left untreated, it can lead to nerve damage, dementia or death. How it’s tested: Blood test.
3. Chlamydia – This is especially dangerous for women; it can damage the fallopian tubes, which can increase the risk for an ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy outside the uterus). How it’s tested: Urine test or a lab test of a swab sample.
4. Genital Herpes – It can cause a potentially fatal infection in babies. How it’s tested: A physical exam, blood test and/or a lab test of a swab sample.
5. Gonorrhoea - It can spread through the blood to the joints, causing arthritic symptoms. How it’s tested: Urine test and/or a lab test of a swab sample.
6. Hepatitis B & C – Chronic hepatitis B and C can lead to liver cirrhosis or liver cancer. How it’s tested: Blood test.
7. Human papilloma virus (HPV) – This virus can lead to cervical cancer. How it’s tested: Pap smear.
8. Trichomoniasis – It can cause premature birth or low birth weight. How it’s tested: A physical exam and/or a lab test of a swab sample.
9. Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) – It can permanently damage female reproductive organs or cause an ectopic pregnancy. How it’s tested: A physical exam and/or an ultrasound.
10. Bacterial vaginosis – This can cause PID or increase the risk of pre-term delivery in pregnant women. How it’s tested: A physical exam, and/or a lab test of vaginal fluid. ]]>
Thu, 21 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200
Vibrator Masterclass http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/vibrator-masterclass SOLO SATISFACTION
‘The key to enjoying your sex toy is knowing how to throw the switch, not just a little, but wide open – whether you’re monogamous, solo or hot and heavy with a new lover,’ says Sadie Allison, sex educator and author of Toygasms (Tickle Kitty Press).

Regular solo sessions with a vibrator will keep your Kegels toned and libido charged. Plus, it’s the fastest route to orgasm. ‘Many women have their first orgasm with a vibrator,’ says Dee McDonald, author of Masterclass: Sex Toys (Collins Books). ‘Once you’ve had one, the rest will follow more easily.’

Experiment with different positions using your vibrator. Kneel upright, lowering yourself onto it, or lie face down with it inside you, thrusting down towards the buzzing attachment. Alternatively, lie back, knees bent, legs open, holding the vibe in place with the heel of your foot and leaving your hands free to tease your body.

For a cherry-on-the-cake effect, coat yourself and your toy with lubricant. And if your nipples are a tad sensitive, lube those too and glide your toy over them as a teaser.

TWO’S COMPANY
Be tactful when sharing your toys with your partner. ‘Great sex starts with communication, so if you want to introduce a sex toy, don’t scare him by pulling out a giant one,’ Allison warns.

You can push against his perineum to excite him or, if he’s happy to go further, you can stimulate his G-spot through anal penetration with a toy (remember to wash it before you use it anywhere else, though).

For visual stimulation for him and über-pleasure for you, the eye-to-eye position works a treat. ‘Lie back with your legs straddling his thighs, giving him a full erotic view. In this position, he can arouse you with a vibrator while your hands are free to caress your breasts,’ Allison says.

]]>
Wed, 13 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200
Sleep and Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sleep-and-sex SEXY SLEEP SURPRISE 1
People Get Busy While Snoozing
You’ve heard of sleepwalking, but a small number of people have sexsomnia, a real condition that spurs erotic activity like masturbation, fondling, and intercourse while sleeping, according to psychologist Michael Mangan, PhD.

Scientists believe it’s linked to specific areas of the brain. ‘Most brains shut down behaviourally during sleep, but a sexsomniac’s hypothalamus, which controls basic needs like food and sex, revs up and stimulates the libido,’ says psychiatrist Carlos H. Schenck, author of Sleep: The Mysteries, the Problems, and the Solutions (Avery Publishing Group).

SEXY SLEEP SURPRISE 2
Chicks Have Wet Dreams (Sort Of)

While we don’t ejaculate like men do, about 40% of women get off when they sleep, usually during sexual dreams. ‘With an erotic fantasy, your heart rate and genital blood flow increase, boosting lubrication like a waking arousal,’ explains Dr. Schenck. It can even happen a few times a night, thanks to the über-relaxed state that makes women more susceptible to orgasm.

SEXY SLEEP SURPRISE 3
You Can React to Stimulation in Slumber

Ever sidled up to your sleeping man and had him reflexively cozy up in response? On some level, our bodies automatically respond to touch, even if we’re not conscious of craving closeness. ‘The body and brain react sexually as well as snugglewise,’ says Dr Schenck. ‘Even while you’re sleeping, your hypothalamus is monitoring your needs, which include contact.’

SEXY SLEEP SURPRISE 4
Your Shut- Eye Affects Your Libido

‘Sleep is when the body replenishes its hormone supply so sleep-deprived people may have lower levels of sex-drive-fueling testosterone,’ says Dr. Schenck. Still, some women actually become hyperaroused when they’re running on fumes, possibly because the brain reverts to more primitive patterns of activity.

SEXY SLEEP SURPRISE 5
There’s a Reason Why Men Pass Out Postsex

Sorry, ladies, but you’ve got to give your guy a break when he drifts off after he gets off. When men ejaculate, it’s not only physically exhausting, but they get a flood of the hormone prolactin in their systems, which triggers feelings of satisfaction and drowsiness, explains Dr. Schenck. In women, prolactin – as well as oxytocin – actually stokes our bonding tendencies, so that’s why we prefer to snuggle rather than snooze. ]]>
Fri, 08 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200
Keep The Sex Naughty http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/keep-the-sex-naughty
But around the six-month mark, that searing level of heat begins to cool – for both partners – as their bond deepens. ‘While you may be growing closer as a couple, the initial rush of hormones calms down, and your body and brain start behaving differently,’ says certified sex therapist Darcy Luadzers, PhD, author of The 10-Minute Sexual Solution: A Busy Couples Guide to Having More Fun, Intimacy, and Sex (Hatherleigh Press).

When that shift happens, it’s hard not to be bummed. (Remember the first time you slept in the same bed with your guy and actually, well, slept?) Thankfully, it’s not a sign that the chemistry has evaporated – just a reminder that, to keep your lust life hot in the long term, you have to expend a little erotic energy. Here, the sexual setbacks most couples face and expert advice on how to keep the passion ignited.

SEX STAGE: Six Months
When you first get together with a guy and start sleeping with him, your excitement causes the release of adrenaline, which provides plenty of fuel for those glorious sexathons. Around six months into it, however, both you and your guy’s bodies start releasing a chemical called oxytocin (known as the cuddle hormone) more than adrenaline.

‘Oxytocin promotes feelings of love and connectedness,’ explains clinical psychologist Linda Mona, PhD, director of research at MyPleasure.com. ‘You may still be having sex often, but it takes on a more soulful note.’ The problem? Those steamy, have-to-have-each-other-now sessions happen less frequently than they used to.

Naughty hint: Treat each other like lust objects. ‘There’s this idea that being in love means always having romantic sex,’ says Mona. ‘But the truth is that urgent, animalistic sex is just as important in a relationship as the kind where you look into each other’s eyes.’

So channel your inner sex kitten like you did in the early days of dating. Send him a steamy SMS during the workday that lets him know how much you’re dying to get your hands on him. While you’re sweating it out on the stair-climber at the gym, fantasize about a hot encounter you’ve had with your man. The next time you see him, you’ll be raring to pounce.

When it comes to doing the deed, manufacture a sense of urgency. Grab him while he’s getting a beer out of the fridge and playfully slam him against the door, or give him some unexpected (but very welcome) company in the shower. Says Mona, ‘The element of surprise will help reignite the excitement you felt during the first few months.’ ]]>
Tue, 05 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200
Tricks That Double His Pleasure http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/tricks-that-double-his-pleasure
‘Stimulating two body spots together ignites a wider swatch of nerve endings and provides twice the erotic anticipation,’ explains Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First (William Morrow & Company). Below we’ve outlined the exact in-tandem touches.

CARNAL COMBO 1
The Neck-Lip Nibble

The back of a man’s neck and his lower lip are both linked to his member via nerve pathways. Here’s how to trigger this triangle of bliss while making out. ‘Nibble his lower lip, moving from one corner to the other,’ says Kerner. Simultaneously slide one hand behind his neck and draw figure eights with your fingertip. ‘The different feelings – your wet lips plus your soft finger – will shoot two pleasure currents to his package,’ says Shannon Mullen, author of The Best You’ll Ever Have (Transworld Publishers LTD).

CARNAL COMBO 2
The Outer Ear-Pleasure Trail Trace

A guy’s outer ear and the region extending from his belly button to his boys are both vertical lines. By tracing your tongue and finger along each erotic expanse concurrently, you’ll send streams of lust coursing through his body. ‘Brush your mouth against the rim of his ear, gliding your lips down to the lobe and then back up,’ says Kerner. At the same time, run your index finger from his naval to his pubic-hair line. ‘This two-part stroke will establish a connection between both lines, magnifying every sensation,’ he adds.

CARNAL COMBO 3
The Nipple Lick-Package Trick

While he’s lying on his back, use the flat of your tongue to make wide circles around the outside of his areola. ‘Gradually go closer to his nipple tip, pausing to bite the peak tenderly or flick it with your tongue,’ says Mullen. Meanwhile, gently cup his testicles with your hands. ‘Graze your fingers along his sensitive scrotal skin,’ she says. ‘Both moves involve building up pressure, which men love.’

CARNAL COMBO 4
The Member-Backside Massage

Take oral sex to a whole new level by caressing his butt cheeks as you’re going down on him. Have him lie on his back, his knees bent and spread apart. Slide your hands under his butt, pumping your fingertips into his skin gingerly. Then bring the head of his member to your mouth, taking him in and out at the same speed as your fingers are pumping his backside. ‘The synchronized motions will be hot but not overwhelming,’ says Kerner. Plus, you control the pacing. ‘You can prevent him from going over the edge too soon by focusing only on the massage,’ adds Kerner. ]]>
Thu, 24 Dec 2009 12:00 +0200
Caught in the Cuddle Trap? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/caught-in-the-cuddle-trap
But after a few years, those lusty neurotransmitters stabilise, work and other responsibilities become a priority, and you settle into a comfy ‘attachment’ stage. It’s still physical, just more snuggling in front of the TV than tearing up the sheets. But as great as those cushy sessions on the couch seem, they can provide a false sense of security about the health of your union.

It’s a common situation I’ve seen in my nearly 10 years as a sex therapist, and I call it the cuddle conundrum. You’re cool with the laid-back intimacy and you think he is too. After all, he’s hardly complaining, and the sex is still good (when you have it). Thing is, a guy is hardwired to hanker for regular sex, even after the relationship has racked up mileage. But he won’t broadcast his frustration for fear that you’ll cut off the action completely.

And the longer the cuddle-fest continues, the more likely a man will look for thrills elsewhere: by watching porn, masturbating more frequently, flirting with other women, and in the worst-case scenario, cheating. But don’t panic. Once you clue in to what’s going on, you can inject sexual urgency and adventure back into your bond. And cut off trouble at the pass.

MIXED MESSAGES

At the root of the cuddle conundrum is a difference in the way men’s and women’s bodies function. A female has the hormone oxytocin coursing through her system, which is produced via touch and makes her feel connected to her guy. Holding hands, hugging, even smelling him all pump up those levels, giving her a warm and contented feeling. Men, by comparison, produce little oxytocin (its primary function is to promote bonding as it’s released during childbirth and breast-feeding), so a good cuddle just isn’t going to cut it.

Instead, guys are driven by dopamine, a chemical found in the reward centre of the brain that also fuels sexual desire. Dopamine levels (for you and him) are at their highest at the start of a relationship, which is why things were so hot and heavy back then. But as you settle into the attachment phase (two to three years in), dopamine levels nosedive. While women tap into their oxytocin reserves to stay satisfied, men seek regular sex to drive their dopamine levels up where they belong.

THE NUMBERS GAME
Unfortunately, many women write off a man’s need for frequent sex as boys just being boys. But a man’s desire runs deeper than that. Sex is one of the main ways guys express their emotions. So a lack of sex makes him feel like you’re not connected. When he loses that outlet, he feels removed from the relationship.

To get back on the same page, you need to reconcile his need for sex with yours. While there’s no magic number to keep him content, I’ve found the majority of men in long-term relationships would like to have intercourse about three or four times a week (if not more).
Think long and hard about how your numbers stack up. If they’ve fallen off, chances are, he’s itching for more action (no matter how much he snuggles when you are on the couch). Since he won’t blatantly speak about it, keep an eye out for changes in his behaviour. He might make more sexual advances, hoping that one of his efforts will stick.

BRINGING SEXY BACK
To steer clear of the cuddle trap, remember, quality is as crucial as quantity. During the attachment phase, couples experience less spontaneous feelings of desire and a diminishing sense of adventure. Whenever possible, infuse your lust life with novelty. At minimum, move your takeaways from the coffee table to the kitchen, turn off the TV and get tuned in to each other. Or better yet, shower him with PDA. If you give your cuddle a new context, it’s not promoting complacency, it’s building sexual anticipation.

Try including some previously unscheduled morning sex, revealing a hot, sexy dream you had about him last night, or going for a quickie in the laundry room. Relationships thrive on expansion, and anytime you do something new together, you spike dopamine levels and prevent your relationship from coasting.

GETTING YOUR FIX
All that said, there’s no need to ditch the snuggling you crave. (In fact, it’s downright healthy if you’re still having regular sex.) Just reinvent the cuddle sometimes. Recent research shows that a woman’s oxytocin levels rise and stress-hormone levels fall after only 20 seconds of hugging.

So start with an intense embrace, and then do something spontaneous, like pushing him up against the wall, pulling down his jeans, and going down on him. I call this move a sudden sex shift, where you quickly transition from an oxytocin-focused moment into a dopamine-driven one. This simple move will spike your and his senses of arousal.

Try a position that bonds you, such as side-by-side, with lots of kissing and eye contact. And just because guys don’t produce as much oxytocin as women do, or as often, it doesn’t mean they don’t produce it at all. Men reach their oxytocin peaks during foreplay arousal, and orgasm. So be sure to add lots of sensual touch, massage, and full-body stimulation into your lovemaking routine.

You also can get your fix with the post-sex cuddle. After a guy has an orgasm, his oxytocin levels are at their highest, although they’re also competing with such other hormones as prolactin, which contributes to his feelings of sleepiness. But here’s the good news in all this: Dozing off in each other’s arms after an amazing climax means you’ll both wake up feeling totally connected. ]]>
Thu, 17 Dec 2009 12:00 +0200
Fun, Fearless Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/fun-fearless-sex
YOUR FEAR – RELAXING DURING ORAL SEX

Worrying about how you look, smell and taste when your boyfriend heads south can make your libido flatline – fast. In fact, one study of 2 000 women found that the more comfortable they were with their V-zone, the more sexually satisfied they were.
Have Fun: Try the two water tricks. Firstly prep by drinking lots of H2O; it flushes out toxins that can create strange tastes and smells down there. Then take a bedtime bath: not only will it make you feel super-clean, but hot water brings blood to your skin’s surface, making you extra-sensitive to your man’s touch. Finally, ease into it slowly. Get him to kiss and lick your stomach, thighs and V-zone slowly with one condition: he can’t spend more than three seconds on any area. After a minute of deliciously torturous attention, you’ll be begging for more.
Be Fearless: Now you’re becoming carnally confident, why not take it a step further? Get a bikini wax (you can go completely bare or leave a little landing strip). He’ll love the visual thrill and, since hair acts as a protective barrier, going au naturel will heighten your senses. Let your new-found confidence drive you to be more expressive in bed. Studies show that talking has a sexy pay-off – women who are open with their partners about what feels good report they climax more regularly than those who don’t.

YOUR FEAR – GETTING NAKED
lf you have a Bridget Jones moment when your clothes come off, it’s easily fixed. First, don’t point out your physical flaws to your man because a) it just trains him to notice them, and more importantly b) worrying distracts you from having a good time. Second, try to concentrate on the physical sensations – his hands running over your breasts or stomach – not what’s going on in your head. ‘There’s really no need to feel anxious,’ promises Ian Kerner, author of He Comes Next (William Morrow & Company). ‘During sex, men are biologically programmed to tune out a woman’s physical flaws. While aroused, they experience a boost in the hormone dopamine, which acts as a screening agent – it makes them view your imperfections as positive traits.’ Thank you, science.
Have Fun: Lie sideways facing away from your man, lift your upper leg and let him enter you from behind. Sideways spooning takes you out of your comfort zone because it lets him caress you all over, but from behind, so you don't feel too exposed. He can feel but not see your breasts, belly and clitoris. This position allows you to relax and focus on your pleasure, not your so-called flaws.
Be Fearless: Tried that and feeling powerful? Now for a bolder move. Climb on top, facing forward, and straddle your man. Then lean back with your arms resting on his shins. Your stomach appears flatter from this angle and your boobs perkier. If you’d rather not go full-frontal, pull his shoulders towards you so you’re both sitting upright with your legs wrapped around each other and your tummies pressed together. This position is very intimate since your faces will be touching and you can wrap your arms around each other. Finally, if you’re worried about jiggling too much, make the ride less bumpy by donning a sexy bra.

YOUR FEAR – GIVING OVER CONTROL
Letting your partner spoil you in bed can be hard because women are often taught to put their own needs last. Plus, letting him make the moves puts you in a vulnerable position. But if he’s in the driving seat, you can stop obsessing about simultaneous orgasms and just focus on your own.
Have Fun: Before you let him take over completely, you need to school him on what works for you. He’ll appreciate the erotic input as long as you handle his ego with care by keeping your requests sexy, so he doesn’t feel like he’s back in year seven. Play the hot/cold game: give your man free range over your body but keep him clued in by saying ‘hot’ when he’s on the right track and ‘cold’ it he strays off course. Soon, he’ll have a better sense of your moan zones. Or try a round of show and tell: grab his hand and slowly trace circles with his fingers in the way you like to be touched, then tell him how much you want him to do it. Remember to keep your tone low and lusty, and never underestimate the benefits of one word: ‘Yes!’ Once he knows what suits you, lie back and let him take over.
Be Fearless: By now he'll have a better sense of how to please you, so give him even more control by asking him to blindfold you. Restricting your sight during sex is wildly exciting because when you don’t know what’s going to happen, your nerve endings stand to attention, which makes his touch feel extra intense. It also forces you to rely on your other senses, which will work overtime to compensate – especially touch and taste. Tried that? Then lead by primal example. Show him how you’d like to be manhandled by mounting him, pinning his wrists down on the bed and riding him like a bronco. He’ll pick up on your carnal cues and return the frisky favour.

YOUR FEAR – INITIATING SEX
This one can sound scary – what if you get turned down? – but, equally, role reversal can be a huge passion pusher. ‘Men are used to taking control, so it’s especially exciting when you turn the tables,’ says Yvonne K Fulbright, author of Touch Me There! (Hunter House Publishers) ‘Men are turned on by a woman who takes control of her sexual needs and he'll lust after you even more since you’ll be in charge of his pleasure. Another plus: calling the shots in bed can result in more confidence and assertiveness outside it.’
Have Fun: The good news is that you don’t have to pull anything overtly sexual to get his juices flowing. In fact, anything that gets him thinking about sex should do the trick. Try these tricks to push his buttons. While you’re taking a shower in the morning, leave the door ajar. The sound of water and the thought of you wet, naked and clean will inspire him to get dirty. Or when you know he’s on his way home, send him a sexy text, along the lines of, ‘l’m horny, where are you?’ Lastly when you’re getting dressed, have him walk in on you while you’re donning a bra, pants and heels. Once you’ve let him know you’re hot for him, it’ll take all of two seconds for him to let you know he’s hot for you, too.
Be Fearless: Get him to sit so his back is resting against a wall, and slowly lower yourself on top of him, keeping your feet flat on the floor. Rest your hands on the wall behind him and bounce up and down on his shaft, alternating between shallow and deep thrusts. ‘Most of the nerve endings are at the entrance of the vagina,’ explains Kerner. ‘But lots of different factors, like G-spot stimulation, cervical pressure and clitoral contact, contribute to you reaching The Big O. When you vary between shallow and deep movement you’ll hit all these zones, sending your sensations into overdrive.’ He’ll love the sight of your parts bouncing around – and your quads will get a workout, too!

YOUR FEAR – YOU’RE BORING BECAUSE YOU LIKE MISSIONARY
One of the great things about the good old man-on-top position is that it’s so intimate – your faces are close enough to kiss, you can make continuous eye contact and the length of your bodies are pressed together. But just because he’s setting the pace doesn’t mean you can't shake things up. Don’t be afraid to add moves to make this oldie-but-goody sizzle in a whole new way.
Have Fun: Try the CAT (Coital Alignment Technique). Once your man is inside you, move up so the base of his penis and pelvic bone are aligned with your clitoris. Instead of thrusting, rock from side to side. If you need to, place a pillow under your bottom. He’ll have to peel you off the ceiling.
Be Fearless: Ready to take it up a notch? Create more G-spot-friendly leverage by bringing your knees to your chest, or placing a pillow under your bottom. If you’re feeling flexible you can bend your legs, placing your feet on his chest. Or put your legs flat on the bed, straighten them out and squeeze your thighs together for a deeper, tighter fit. ]]>
Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:00 +0200
Hot Things to Try After Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/hot-things-to-try-after-sex The Great Lover Playbook. Just like everything else bedroom related, afterplay is very much about touch. But it's also about timing. That's why we've organized these moves according to the specific times when they're most erotically effective.

SECONDS AFTER SEX
• Immediately after climax, with your guy still inside you, run your fingers down his back, over his buttocks, and along his sides. Keep doing this technique in a slow rhythm up and down his back using a wavelike motion. Since most men's backs are very sensitive, it will soothe him and keep him stimulated at the same time.
• During sex, blood flow in the body rushes to the genitals. As it leaves, even the gentlest touch might be too much pressure for him, but lightly blowing on his package will help cool him off while his body settles down.
• Right after a red-hot mattress session, our egos are super vulnerable. So if there's something he did that drove you insane in a good way – from his technique to his kissing – now's the best time to tell him.
• Individually, most of us have a couple of post-sex sweet spots: areas that are particularly receptive to being touched, licked, tickled, or kissed. They can be anywhere from your collarbone to the insides of your wrists, where the skin is thin. Experiment with him to find each of yours.
• Leave him in the bed, then take a warm washcloth and gently towel him off in his below-the-belt region. His body temperature will be up post-climax, but don't use a cold cloth or it will be too jarring – the sensation of the warm heat will feel more pleasurable.

MINUTES AFTER SEX
• While lying on your sides spooning, take his hand and cup it around your breast, and hug his knees inside the backs of yours. Men aren't wired to be verbal post-orgasm, but this move will make you feel connected to him without even having to speak.
• He may not be in the mood to talk, but he can definitely listen, as long as it's something mellow and soothing. Have the remote to your stereo or iPod near the bed so you can hit 'play' without getting up. Suggestions: Lenny Kravitz, Coldplay, Natasha Bedingfield, or a customized mix CD or playlist.
• Have a heavy make-out session, alternating long, open-mouthed kisses with gentle nibbling. Kissing makes your pleasure endorphins skyrocket.
• After ejaculation, some men's sense of smell may be heightened. Light a scented candle that gives off a yummy aroma like vanilla or cinnamon.
• Many guys love lounging in bed after sex but crave physical space on the mattress. But instead of rolling over, create non-touching intimacy by lying on your sides facing each other. Or lie on your backs and just hold hands.
• Lead him into the shower 15 minutes later. Gently washing and caressing each other – especially with a frothy soap or body wash – is sexy in a nurturing way.

AN HOUR AFTER SEX
• Brush different parts of your body – your fingertips, a strand of hair, your breasts – past his lips. There are big concentrations of nerve endings on the lips, which are extremely sensitive to touch and will raise his arousal levels.
• Feed each other sensual foods to get your blood sugars back up, among other things. Bite-size snacks that have some fat and sugar, such as chocolate or ice cream, are ideal.
• Create anticipation for the next time by suggesting a spicy new twist. The perfect example: 'The next time we have sex, I'd like to try doing it in front of a full-length mirror.' Boom: You have planted a tantalizing visual that he will feel eager to bring to life as soon as physically possible.
• Keep a set of dice by your bedside table, and take turns rolling to decide which one of you gets to do what to each other. For example, if you roll a 5, he gets five teasing kisses down his happy trail. If he rolls a 2, he owes you a two-minute foot rub (or have him massage your scalp – it can be surprisingly erotic). Before long, the dice will be on the floor, and the two of you will be going at it again.
• Get just a little bit dressed. Put on something that covers up your goods but that you know he finds hot. Depending on his personal preference, that could mean anything from a bra and panties to his white undershirt. It'll pave the way for a sultry striptease.
• Turn him on his stomach and give him a gluteus maximus massage. Start by gently rubbing his buns, then with some flesh in your grasp, 'stir' them in circles, until you're gently spreading his cheeks. By doing so, you're also indirectly stimulating his package from an exciting new angle – an unexpectedly intense way to get his blood flowing down there for round 2. ]]>
Fri, 04 Dec 2009 12:00 +0200
Get Tested http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/get-tested CLINIC ALERT
There are thousands of HIV/Aids clinics dotted all over the country, but it doesn't help if you have no idea where to start looking. To find any treatment, testing, or emergency clinic, by province, town, or suburb, Karabo.org.za is the best resource we've found. With a simple search, you'll be able to not only find a clinic that's close to you, but one which suits your specific needs.

The website will locate your nearest clinic on an interactive map, and once it's matched your search results, you'll be provided with contact details, address, nearest landmarks, the sister in charge of the clinic, what language is spoken and what services it provides. The site also includes additional information on treatment, testing, counselling and secondary illnesses.

FACTS AND FIGURES
South Africa's Minister of Health Dr. Aaron Motsoaledi, reminds us to keep the latest figures in mind and be responsible on World Aids Day.
• South Africa's mortality rate has increased by 34% since 2004.
• Approximately 5.7 million people are still living with HIV/Aids.
• The infection rate in sub-Saharan Africa dropped by 400 000 people last year.
• The highest infection rate lies with women between the age of 25 and 29-years old; i.e. one in three women from this age group is infected with HIV.

DEBUNK THE MYTHS
It's hard to believe with all the information out there, that there are still myths surrounding HIV/Aids contraction and treatment. Here is a brief reminder of which untruths you should ignore.

MYTH 1: I won't get HIV if I sleep with an infected person only once.
Why we may believe it: Wishful thinking!
Why we shouldn't: It takes only one sexual encounter to get HIV, says Dr Clive Evian, director of Aids Management and Support. 'And while the virus may not spread from your partner every time, it's foolish to take any risk. If you have a genital disease or STD, the risk of infection is even higher.'

MYTH 2: It's only necessary to use one condom a night, even if you have sex more than once.
Why we may believe it: Condoms seem hardy and it's easy to think that, with a quick wipe, they're ready for the next round.
Why we shouldn't: HIV and other viruses such as genital herpes are found in all seminal fluid, including the clear fluid produced before and after ejaculation, says Dr David Harrison, CEO of Love Life. 'It's not easy to clean a condom properly to remove all viruses, and reusing one puts you at risk.'

MYTH 3: It's okay as long as he doesn't ejaculate inside me.
Why we may believe it: We imagine HIV is found only in semen and that if he withdraws his penis before ejaculation we're safe.
Why we shouldn't: 'HIV can pass through the mucous membranes lining the inside of the vagina or rectum, or through cuts in the mouth or other areas coming into contact with blood or semen,' says Harrison. You also run a small risk if he ejaculates outside you and semen spreads around the entrance to your vagina, says Evian.

MYTH 4: HIV can pass through condom latex.
Why we may believe it: This myth has been repeated by many, including leaders of the Roman Catholic Church in South Africa.
Why we shouldn't: Latex is impermeable to viruses, says Harrison. They can only get through if it's damaged, so keep condoms in a cool place to prevent heat damage and open the foil carefully. (Don't use teeth!)

MYTH 5: Antiretroviral treatment (ART) is a cure.
Why we may believe it: We're hopeful that if ART prolongs and improves the quality of life, it may be a cure.
Why we shouldn't: Although ART can keep people healthy for years, there's no cure for Aids, says Harrison. 'Antiretrovirals are the only scientific treatment available to manage HIV,' says Nokhwezi Hoboyi, editor of the Treatment Action Campaign's newsletter Equal Treatment. 'And I'm living proof that they work. In 2005, my CD4 count [which indicates the strength of the immune system] was 11, and after taking my treatment correctly, it's gone up to 195 – just five points below normal.'

*Additional statistical information provided by the Human Sciences Research Council and the Department of Health. ]]>
Tue, 01 Dec 2009 12:00 +0200
The Pill 101 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-pill-101 theWomanSpace, Dr. Carol Thomas.

What's on the market in South Africa?
Women in South Africa can access all oral contraceptives (available anywhere in the world), including the skin patch version.

How effective is the Pill?
If used correctly, the failure of the Pill in preventing pregnancy is less than 1%. The only more effective methods are long-term methods, such as the progestogen-only intra-uterine device, injections and implants; or the permanent methods of male and female sterilisation.

Why is the Pill effective?
The Pill works by suppressing the release of an egg at mid-cycle, so this is obviously an all or nothing situation: no egg, no pregnancy. In addition, a thick plug of mucus is formed in the canal of the mouth of the womb (cervix), which acts as a mechanical barrier to sperm and offers some protection against organisms that cause uterine and tubal infections, thus also protecting against infection-related infertility.

How long should/can you use it?
Because the formulations available for the last 20 to 25 years contain less than or equal to 35 micrograms of ethinyl estradiol, i.e. they are low dose, and provided you are generally healthy and have no specific contra-indications to hormonal use, there is no reason why you cannot use it continuously for as long as you need contraception. One of the greatest urban legends stemming from our parents' generation is the notion of giving your body a break from the Pill. The most common side effect of this practice is an unwanted pregnancy. If you don't like the idea of taking the Pill, if you want to experience ovulation, or are having unacceptable side effects, you should stop using the Pill and look at another contraceptive choice.

Which brands need a prescription from a gynaecologist or doctor?
All brands are available on prescription, but certain pharmacists and nurse practitioners have dispensing powers to ensure the Pill is easily accessible.

What are low-dose pills?
All pills available to women in South Africa are low-dose pills equal to or below 35 micrograms of the oestrogen. Once you have consulted with your doctor, he or she will determine which pill will best suit your needs.
• 35 microgram pills: Triphasil, Logynon ED, Diane 35, Ginette, Minerva
• 30 microgram pills: Nordette; Minulette; Femodene; Yasmin; Marvelon
• 20 microgram pills: Mercilon; Melodene; Loette
• 15 microgram pills: Mirelle; Yaz

What are the side effects of the Pill?
Now that we have such low-dose pills, side effects are minimal, but having said that, there is an extremely small group of women who do not enjoy being on the Pill.

Negative side effects of low-dose pills:
When you read the package insert, the possible side effects start at nausea and end at death, like with any other package insert. Because of the particular history of the Pill, the insert is extremely long. This should not scare you, but be reassuring. It means that it has been appropriately researched, thus making it safe for the current generation of users. Weight gain is the most common known side effect of the Pill, although I have not met a woman who doesn't worry about putting on weight. There may be a premenstrual bloated feeling, due to water retention, but this is temporary and should not be present by the time you reach the third packet of the Pill. If your libido is affected, changing Pill dose or formulation may help, but re-examine your relationship as well, if it occurs long after starting the Pill. The more progestogenic pills can make an underlying depression worse.

Positive side effects of low-dose pills:
Low-dose pills reduce the risk of ovarian cancer by 80% if used for eight years and beyond, as well as endometrial (uterine) cancer by 70% if used for more than six years. The Pill helps maintain bone mass, offering protection against osteoporosis, and prevents anaemia by decreasing blood loss by 30% to 50%. The Pill can also prevent and treat the most common ovarian cysts, decrease or eliminate period pain and improve acne.

Important facts:
• Take your pill at about the same time daily – decide whether your lifestyle makes you a morning or an evening person. The reason the return to fertility is restored so quickly after stopping the Pill, is because it exits via your urine within 48 to 72 hours.
• Always use extra protection if you miss tablets, are on antibiotics, vomit within two hours of taking your pill, have severe diarrhoea or have breakthrough bleeding.
• Check with your doctor whenever you start an additional medication – for example, some anti-epileptics and drugs used for mood disorders interfere with the action of the Pill.
• Importantly, TB medication interferes with the metabolism of the Pill and renders it less effective.
• Should nausea occur, change the time of the day that you take the Pill.
• Remember the Pill does not protect you against sexually transmitted infections and condoms should feature extremely high on the agenda until both parties in the relationship have presented each other with HIV reports, which include the window period.
• The placebo (inactive or hormone free) pills are included so that women can have a sense of menstrual level, but are not essential. This means that if you want to use the Pill continuously for a few months without having a period, it is perfectly safe and acceptable to do this. ]]>
Tue, 24 Nov 2009 12:00 +0200
Holiday Sex http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/holiday-sex Dr. Marlene Wasserman has rounded up her tips on how to have a great holiday romance.

DO
• Kiss… a lot. Whether it's with your summer fling or your boyfriend, kissing is a must to get you two going.
• Surprise yourself, and each other. Try a new, adventurous position or do something spontaneous. Go skinny-dipping or take a moonlight stroll.
• Talk to each other. Communication is integral; the better you communicate, the more comfortable you'll feel with one another.
• Be realistic. Wild, crazy sex probably won’t be immediate if there has been intermittent sex during the year. Expect a little bit of awkwardness.
• Create privacy. Lock yourselves in your hotel room for the day and put your cell phones on silent.
• Include your exercise routine as part of your sex life. For example, walk in the mountains, swim in the ocean and get back to bed.
• Masturbate. With or without your boyfriend, masturbation is a great way to stimulate your sexual exploits.
• Be playful. Bite, kiss, nibble, play strip poker, let go and enjoy the stress-free time you're spending with each other.
• Take the time to experiment and explore. Whether it means experimenting with each other's bodies or exploring your surroundings, make use of the time you have to discover new things about each other.
• Build memories. Take photos or record your trip. You'll never regret capturing those happy moments.
• Always have lubricant on hand for those unexpected sand-in-your-bikini moments.
• Bring a box of sex toys. Think vibrators, cock rings and toys you can use together.

DON'T
• …expect holiday sex if there has been intermittent sex during the year.
• …make confessions on the 31st. Rather wait until you are sober and in the right frame of mind.
• …forget to use condoms, even with long-term partners.
• …make big decisions on New Year's Eve.
• …expect the wild, holiday sex to stay wild the whole year.
• …make any dodgy promises under the mistletoe. For example, 'I promise you sex every Saturday night for the whole of next year.'
• …ever have regret sex.
• …regret not having sex you want.
• …expect to see the holiday hook up again, just savour the moments of madness.
• …ever cheat. It will take the rest of the year to recover from this betrayal.

For more ways on how to protect your heart this summer, turn to p.100 of the December issue of COSMOPOLITAN magazine (on sale Wednesday 18 November), and read the Summer Lovin' feature. ]]>
Tue, 17 Nov 2009 12:00 +0200
Good Vibrations http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/good-vibrations
G-SPOT NAILER G-SPOT NAILER

The easiest way to hit the spot is with an Ejaculating G-Juicer (R310, Inamorata). Simply pop the studded-silicone sleeve onto the tip of the curved vibrator and you're all set to enjoy a deeper, more intense orgasm.
BED BUG
HIP HIPPO
MAGIC WAND
HIT THE SPOT
PINK PLEASURER
BRUSH WITH LOVE
EIGHT-LEGGED O


*Images by Andre Wepener from DIS

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Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:00 +0200
Make Condoms Sexy http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/make-condoms-sexy 1. TALK DIRTY
Which do you think he would rather hear you say? 'You will have to put this on', or 'I'm going to slide this on you so you can slide deep inside me.'

2. DIY
If you usually let your man put the condom on, why not do it yourself? Lean over him and slowly roll it down to show him how much you appreciate his manhood. Or put a flavoured one on with your mouth. Suck the teat of the condom gently between your teeth and then ease it down his penis, licking him as you do so.

3. LUBE IT UP
Drop a little water-based lubricant inside the tip of the condom for extra sensitivity when he penetrates. And add lube to the outside of the condom for slippery sex.

4. BE CHOOSY
All condoms are not created equal, so shop around. There are many varieties, including those with more space at the tip that have been highly rated as pleasurable by both men and women. Also try condoms with ribs and studs.

5. GET GIRLY
The female condom makes a great sex toy! It's made with flexible rings at either end; the outer ring, which sits outside your body, is good for rubbing on your clitoris and the inner ring fits inside your body. Some men say that when they're inside a woman, they bump up against it and it tickles them. The female condom makes a funny squishy sound when you're having sex, which adds to the fun.
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Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:00 +0200
Learn to Let Go in Bed http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/learn-to-let-go-in-bed For Women Only (Virago Press Ltd). 'And often there's a recurring reason – a busy schedule, body hang--ups – that keeps you from chilling.'

But since women are more prone to disruptions than men, staying in the moment is often a challenge. Spot your passion distraction below, then find out how not to let it derail you.

PASSION DISTRACTION 1
Feeling Overwhelmed

'When you have a lot on your plate, it's hard to go from mental to physical mode,' explains Lou Paget, author of The Great Lover Playbook (Gotham Books). To clear your head (and clear a path to satisfaction), focus on sensations presex. Sink into a bath and let the water envelop you, or rub lotion all over.

Should an item from your to-do list creep into your head mid-hookup, con¬centrate on moving past it as you breathe deeply. 'This calms you and increases arousal,' says Aline Zold¬brod, PhD, coauthor of Sex Talk (New Harbinger Publications). Then run your hands along your guy's skin to tune back in to how great he feels.

PASSION DISTRACTION 2
Having a Not-Hot Day

Even if you're usually confident, it's normal to undergo bouts of body anxiety – obsessing over your stomach if you're bloated from PMS or won¬dering whether your guy wished your breasts were bigger/smaller/rounder.

The solution is to aim for a foxier frame of mind. 'Get a spray tan, wear hot lingerie – whatever does the trick on a day you feel less than sexy,' says Paget. Next, request that your man log extra time heating you up with fore¬play. 'Knowing he loves touching you will boost your ego,' she explains.

PASSION DISTRACTION 3
Getting Disrupted

'Some people are ultrasensitive to their surroundings,' says Berman. All it takes is a noisy TV or harsh light to throw you off. So make your bou¬doir supremely peaceful. Clear clutter, light a candle, shut the window. With¬out pesky di¬versions, you're free to savor every single second.

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Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:00 +0200
How to Climax Together http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/how-to-climax-together He Comes Next (HarperCollins Publishers). 'Every sensation is amplified because you're experiencing it in tandem.'

Don't panic if, until now, the closest you and your man have been to coming together is turning up at the pub at the same time. When we asked people about climaxing together, many of them agreed that doing it in sync is a tricky business – and there are two main hurdles standing in the way. Here's how to overcome them and come together instead...

In-sync spoiler #1: You can’t climax during sex
Fifty eight percent of COSMO readers in the UK who struggle to stay in sync said they could orgasm, but not during intercourse. To achieve this together, you need to learn to climax when you have sex. 'It may be easier to peak during manual and oral sex because he's focused on your clitoris,' says Ava Cadell, author of The Pocket Idiot's Guide To Oral Sex (Alpha Books). 'In many positions, you won't achieve clitoral stimulation unless you consciously make contact.'

To orgasm through intercourse, recreate the sensations you feel during oral and manual action. And use extra lubricant to imitate the warmth and wetness of his mouth. Also, start slowly. 'Let him enter you only halfway in the beginning, simulating the shallow penetration from his mouth or hands,' suggests Kerner.

As he goes deeper, touch yourself so you're stimulated on the inside and the outside. With a little practice, climaxing during intercourse will come naturally. When you're primed for peaking in tandem, read the next section.

In-sync spoiler #2: Your timing is off
Forty two percent of COSMO readers who could orgasm during intercourse couldn't manage it at the same time as their man. Since men tend to climax faster than women, you need a head start. Get him to tantalise you manually or orally for 10 minutes, so you're close to the edge.

Once you're ready for intercourse, opt for the you-on-top position so that you can control the pace. 'Rub your clitoris in a circular motion to encourage more blood to flow there’, says Cadell. And if he's getting close to climaxing too quickly, 'ask him to pull out so that only the tip of his penis is inside you and to make shallow movements,’ says Kerner. This downshifts his arousal, while giving you intense clitoral stimulation.

If he's just moments away, stop having sex and gently squeeze the head of his penis for five seconds. 'Squeezing halts the blood flow to his penis, which abates arousal,' explains Kerner.

And what if he still reaches climax before you? Don't give up if the timing's off the first or even the fifth time – it's fun trying and the more often you try climaxing together, the easier it will become. ]]>
Tue, 06 Oct 2009 12:00 +0200
SA Men 'Good' In Bed http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sa-men-good-in-bed
Great news is South African men have been voted as one the countries who have the best lovers in the world, according to a poll by OnePoll.com. The UK-based online research company polled 15 000 female travellers from 20 countries in their search to find the best bedmates.

South Africa may only have been ranked #6, but that's better than the Germans who are "too smelly", the English who are "too lazy", the Swedish who are "too quick" and the Dutch who are "too domineering".

Here's the full ranking according to OnePoll...

BEST LOVERS
1. Spain
2. Brazil
3. Italy
4. France
5. Ireland
6. South Africa
7. Australia
8. New Zealand
9. Denmark
10. Canada

WORST LOVERS
1. Germany (too smelly)
2. England (too lazy)
3. Sweden (too quick)
4. Holland (too dominating)
5. America (too rough)
6. Greece (too lovey-dovey)
7. Wales (too selfish)
8. Scotland (too loud)
9. Turkey (too sweaty)
10. Russia (too hairy)

Do you think SA men deserve to be ranked that highly on the global poll? What's you experience? Drop us a comment below. ]]>
Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:00 +0200
When Should You Sleep With Him? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/when-should-you-sleep-with-him
'Great chemistry is hard to come by, so when you meet a man you automatically click with, all you can think about is having sex with him. Problem number one: once you give up the goods, you immediately lose the upper hand in the dating power dynamics. Sex creates a false sense of intimacy, so even if you were feeling iffy about a man, you'll suddenly crave commitment.

'Now to problem number two: this man might not be ready for the relationship to go further, so while you want to move forward, he's locked in place. The situation can make you feel helpless because he's dictating how serious the relationship gets.

'But let's backtrack. During the period before you sleep together, he's fully under your spell. The longer you hold off, the more intrigued he becomes, allowing you I to set the pace and control how things develop. That's why I believe it's so important to postpone sex for as long as you can – I say at least a month. I know it can be hard to resist when the attraction between you is so intense, but, trust me, it'll definitely payoff in the end. Here are a few points for you to consider...'

HE WANTS YOU TO SAY NO
'In the beginning of the dating chase, men are looking to get lucky but they're also looking to make a connection. Even though he may turn on the charm, he'd rather you turn him down than give in. Yes, it's contradictory. He obviously wants to have sex, but he loves a good challenge, and the more he has to work, the more enticing the prize will be. If he likes you, he's subconsciously hoping you'll fend him off because it makes you more desirable. Anything worth having is worth waiting for. As long as you dangle the promise of sex in front of him, he'll be fixated on you.'

THE SEX WILL BE BETTER
'Which brings me to my next point: the longer you have him in this holding pattern, the more fulfilling the sex will be when it happens. In addition to locking in his interest, you're also building up the anticipation of what's to come.

'First-time sex isn't always the greatest, but because you've been looking forward to it for so long, it'll seem more intense. Plus, since you waited to do the deed until you felt comfortable with him, you'll feel more in charge of the situation.'

YOU'LL TRUST YOUR FEELINGS
'It's no secret that good sex can cloud your judgment. If you click sexually with a man, you might overlook his flaws or inflate his good qualities to justify your reasons for sleeping with him.

'But when you wait to have sex with him, you keep your eyes wide open. Since you've had a chance to get to know each other, you can trust that you're sleeping with him for the right reasons, not just because of intense physical attraction. Coming to the decision on your own terms, at the right time, not only boosts your confidence, but also makes you feel more empowered in the relationship.' ]]>
Tue, 22 Sep 2009 12:00 +0200
Technical Excellence http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/technical-excellence
Get a 'life-sized' vibrator or dildo to practise on. (You could also use a cucumber.) You may need to steady it by wedging it into a chest of drawers and closing a drawer on it. Make sure you've applied sufficient lubrication before trying out the instructions below. Your vibrator won't be able to give you feedback – but at least you can get an idea of the style.






THE OIL FALL

Cup your hand around his testi¬cles, spreading out your fingers slightly. Ideally, your hand should be over and around the testicles rather than just underneath. With the other hand, pour some slightly warmed oil over the head of his penis so it slides down and runs onto his testicles. He'll experience this as a kind of flooding sensation.

THE PUSH-AND-PULL

Grip the penis with both hands, one above the other. Glide your hands away from each other, then bring them back together. Repeat these back-and-forth movements fluidly for maximum effect.

JUICING A LEMON

Grasping the penis at the base with one hand, run the palm of the other hand over and around the head 10 times in one direction and 10 times in the other. Visually, this looks as if you're juicing a lemon. For intense sensation, use the hand at the base to move the penis in the direction opposite to that of your top hand.

TWISTING THE NIGHT AWAY

With both hands gripped around the penis, twist them in opposite directions as if you're wringing out the washing. Then twist them the other way. Work your way up and down the shaft while doing this.

THE ROCKET LAUNCH

Run one gripped hand, followed by the other, down the penis from top to bottom. Then run one hand, then the other, back up the penis. Next, run your hands down twice, then back up twice. Repeat these strokes three times down and three times up, and so on – all the way to 10 strokes down and 10 up.

>> PAGE 2
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Tue, 15 Sep 2009 12:00 +0200
Lead Him On http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/lead-him-on
SEX UP HIS IPOD
Download some racy tracks onto your partner's iPod. Next time he's looking at his playlist, he'll notice a new addition – and with a title such as 'Hot 'n' horny tunes from me', he won't hesitate to hit the 'play' button. Here are some suggestions:

Ego by Beyoncè
U R a Fever by The Kills
Wicked Game by Chris Isaak
Oops (Oh My) by Tweet, featuring Missy Elliot
Sexy MF by Prince and The New Power Generation
I Touch Myself by the Divinyls
Erotica by Madonna
Je T'aime...Moi Non Plus by Serge Gainsbourg
Turn Me On by Norah Jones
I Want Your Sex by George Michael
Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake

LEARN TO GIVE GOOD PHONE SEX
Chatting on the phone needn't be all talk and no action. If you're brave enough, you can indulge in a seriously naughty adventure for two. All you have to do is let your erotic imagination take charge. Author Anne Hooper takes us through the do's and don'ts.

The rules
• Make the call when you won't be interrupted (and check that he's not going to be busy, either).
• Make sure your surroundings are as pleasant and comfortable as possible. Warmth, candlelight and perfume sprayed in the air will help create the right atmosphere.
• Sit or lie somewhere completely private and comfortable.

The action
• Start slowly and seductively telling him exactly what you're wearing. (In other words, not a lot!)
• Don't go overboard with porn-star-style screaming and shouting. Keep your voice breathy and sexy.
• Be truthful. Tell it like you're really feeling it.
• Don't fake anything.
• If you're missing your partner, let him know. If there are things that you wish he was doing to you, make sure you voice them as graphically as possible.
• If there are things he'd like to have done to him, tell him exactly how you'd do them.
• Talk about self-stimulation. If you use a vibrator, let your partner know that – in your imagination – he is holding one and rubbing it against your clitoris and vagina.

SEND OH-SO-SUGGESTIVE TEXTS
Got texter's block? Get going with our steamy SMS suggestions – he'll be hot for you before he's had a chance to hit 'reply'...

• Multiply incredibly horny by home alone. What do U get?
• U know those sexy, black lace knickers of mine? Well, I'm not wearing them
• I've been watching a dirty movie and I'm feeling inspired...
• Satin sheets or cotton? Can't decide which feels better on my naked body
• Just finished my pole-dancing class & am looking 4 an audience
• Bought a new scarf 2day. Need U to tell me how it looks... around my eyes
• My ice cream's melting all over my body. What U gonna do about it?

3 FAIL-SAFE TIPS FOR TEXXXTING
1. Check for typos before hitting 'send'.
2. Never get finger-flirty with a married man.
3. Pace it. Too long between texts and you lose momentum. Too fast and you lose anticipation. Just like sex itself, really…
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Tue, 11 Aug 2009 12:00 +0200
Sex Tricks and Treats http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-tricks-and-treats our world, otherwise we might as well be at home alone watching old Brad Pitt movies and eyeing the cucumber in the fridge. Try our tricks for driving him wild while at the same time making sure you get lots of yummy, mind-shattering sex treats too.

BLOW HIM AWAY

The way to a man's penis is through his... everything else.
THE TRICK Shift slowly downwards as if you're going to give him a long, languorous blow job – but take ages to get around to it. Kiss and lick the line between his penis and his navel, lightly stroke his inner thighs, cup his balls in your hand and trail your fingers over them as you move your hands round the back to tickle and squeeze his buttocks. Let your lips and tongue brush over the crease of his groin and that delicious V leading above his hipbones and breathe gently outwards as your mouth passes his penis. But don't touch it. When you think he's about to crack and start telling you state secrets or revealing where the buried pirate treasure is, take him deep into your mouth, sucking firmly and keeping your lips tight as you run your mouth up and down. Don't forget to use your hands as well. Expect a loud, euphoric groan.
THE TREAT All that time you spend exploring his lower body will let you discover more bits of him that shiver when you touch them. You'll have so many more ways to get him horny – and you'll have given him lots of ideas for experimenting with the same places on your body. Enjoy!

GIRL ON TOP
The only way to get what you want is to go ahead and take it. And he won't complain at all if you show him exactly what makes you tick.
THE TRICK As foreplay is heating up, grab him by the shoulders and push him onto his back, climbing forcefully on top of him and putting him inside you. Tell him out loud what you want him to do: 'Keep your hands by your sides, I'm doing the moving,' or, 'I want you to hold my butt now.' Unless you're usually Miss Dominatrix he'll be taken totally by surprise and he'll get a major thrill out of how badly you want him.
THE TREAT You're in charge, so you choose the angle of penetration. You're also in control of how fast, how hard, how deep – and since you're running the show, you also get to decide how long you want it to last. Watch his face for a vacant expression that may indicate he's close to coming and, if you still want to go on a bit longer, slow the pace until he's calmed down a little.

OH, OH, O!
There's nothing like a bit of oral agreement (verbal, that is) to liven up a sexy session.
THE TRICK If you like what he's doing, let him know: let heavy breathing become light moaning, then louder moaning, then whispering (you've got to keep him guessing), then get as loud as you like and the neighbours can bear. Fewer things are sexier than a compliment – and a shriek in the sack is as big an accolade as a guy could wish for.
THE TREAT A stroke to his ego is often even more effective than a stroke to any other part of him. If he knows you like what he's doing, the positive reinforcement will keep him at it. Of course, if the bump and grind is getting a bit predictable you could also use this trick to inject more enthusiasm into his thrusting. The louder you're yelling 'Oh! Oh!', the harder he'll try and the harder he'll thrust. It's like your very own volume-control switch – and in the bedroom, you're in charge of the remote.

SAUCY SURPRISE
What do you prefer doing: washing the dishes or making love to your man?
THE TRICK Think of the thing your man likes doing least, be it fixing the dishwasher or swotting for an exam. The last thing on his mind when he's doing it is sex, so imagine the thrill he'll get when you casually perch yourself nearby to eat a healthy piece of fruit. Maybe a banana. Lick your lips, sigh with enjoyment, then put your feet on the table and let your skirt slide up your thigh – whatever will catch his attention. Or, for maximum impact, wait till he's absorbed in his task, then quietly go off and slither into something skimpy (or nothing at all). Walk over and start pulling off his shirt and unbuttoning his jeans. The kick he'll get out of an unexpected bonkathon will only be enhanced by the fact that he's getting out of finishing a dull chore.
THE TREAT He'll be so taken aback by your out-of-context seduction that he may try out some imaginative new moves of his own. You could even use whatever he was doing to launch the plot line of your very own role-playing porn fantasy. And next time you're filing the electricity bills or pulling up weeds in the garden, he – inspired by your clever trick – might come up with some ideas for activities that are way more fun.

NO TREAT
They sound deliciously sexy but these tasty treats should stay out of your love life:
Honey: Are you thinking golden threads of sweet stuff dripping onto your nipples, ready to be licked and savoured? You're wrong. Think gooey bodies glued together, tacky sheets and curious ants.
Jelly: Yes, grown women who don't know better are sometimes persuaded to wrestle in it but wobbly chunks of the multicoloured stuff they serve at kiddies' birthday parties isn't sexy. You'll kill the moment by laughing, and then wish you'd chosen custard instead.
Cream cheese: When you eat it, it's smooth and tasty, but smear it on skin and it'll start to dry out and get tacky. And tacky isn't good for sex play. Neither is cheesy, for that matter.
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Tue, 14 Jul 2009 12:00 +0200
Get Your Freak On http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/get-your-freak-on
With 99 out of 100 fetishists being male, there's a strong chance that at some point in your life you could find yourself in a bedroom with a boyfriend who, instead of staring adoringly into your eyes, wants to lick your eyeballs or wear your dirty knickers. As the website www.deviantdesires.com notes, 'Fetishists believe nothing is sacred and anything can be sexualised, from Disney characters and B-movie monsters to baked beans, latex birthday balloons and Thanksgiving dinner.'

ODD BALLS
Cartoon characters and turkey breasts aside, just what kinds of kinky behaviour are SA men into? A chat to the girls from a 'luxury executive hideaway', the Cape Ranch, gives an excellent introduction. Isabella* says feet and arse fetishists are common. 'You can be drop-dead gorgeous but if you have ugly feet, you don't stand a chance,' she says. Lola*, a foot-job expert, explains how some clients like to rub their penises against the heel of a spiky stiletto or masturbate over her feet. She's interrupted by Toni*, eager to tell all about a chap who made her smoke, then drop ash on his chest and rub the ash into his skin. Talk turns to the 'string man', who winds a shoelace or mop string in a figure of eight around his testicles so tightly they turn blue....

Then there is the panty-sniffer, the man who brings his own surgical gloves to the party and the one who likes his nipples twisted and bitten. Lola had to hold a pawpaw while her client shagged it; Isabella met a man who brought in a fur coat for her to wear while being 'dirty to daddy'. But Kim's* experience was one of the strangest. 'There was a man who spread a black rubber sheet over the bed,' she says. He produced a latex suit for himself, modelled exactly on a suit worn by actors in a porn film (which he'd also brought along). Then he brought out a little latex outfit for Kim, with tight pants, puffy sleeves, a high collar and a handy slit up the back. 'He seemed to get off on the idea of seeing my perspiring body through the latex,' she says.

RULES OF THE GAME
Dr Lorraine Becker, author of At Last: The Truth About Lovemaking (At Last Pharmaceuticals), says there is no real difference between fetishes and paraphilias (defined as recurring, often deviant or unusual sexual behaviours; paedophilia is an extreme, illegal example). Many are completely safe and, says Becker, need do no harm to relationships.

'As with any sexual activity, joining in depends on how you feel and is about good communication,' she says. 'Fetishes can be as harmless as him wanting to wear fishnet stockings. Ask him why - but if it's not going to harm anyone and you're comfortable with it, it's fine.'

Amber*, 32, an estate agent in Durban, agrees. She met her first boyfriend at university when she was 18 and he was 24; both were virgins. When they eventually decided they were ready to make love, he confessed he wanted to suck her toes. 'I thought it was the weirdest and most disgusting thing,' says Amber. 'He'd put my whole big toe in his mouth!' Amber persevered. She got used to his foot fetish and the relationship grew - in fact, the two are now married. 'If you're not excited by his fetish, it's not the end of the world,' she says. 'But keep an open mind. Remember: if your boyfriend can tell you about something like this without you freaking out, it's a sign there's a good understanding between you.'

Understanding is crucial, says Becker - particularly with fetishes that involve giving or receiving pain (such as bondage, S & M, sensory deprivation and domination games). 'It's essential to talk about this kind of sex upfront,' she says. 'You must know what you're getting into and have code words that allow you to escape.'

Carla*, 30, a book designer in Cape Town, had a lover who liked rough sex. 'He would pin me down or hold my hands so I couldn't move,' she says. He would also tie her up and choke her. Despite this, she always felt in control. 'He was extremely domineering but I enjoyed it - probably because I'm a daddy's girl and deep down I like it when men take charge!' The worst part for Carla was a nasty carpet burn. 'I trusted him implicitly,' she says. 'I think you get off more on the extreme trust you put in your partner than the actual sex.'

Remember that any sex act is either desirable or obscene depending on your point of view, says Becker. One person may be as horrified by the idea of oral sex as someone else may be if asked to share her underwear. He may not get it up without wearing a Mexican wrestler's mask - but she may refuse sex with the light on...

HIDEOUS KINKY

This is not to say that anything goes. The girls at the Cape Ranch stop laughing at one point. 'Don't indulge your man if what he's suggesting makes you uncomfortable,' says Lola. Kim agrees. 'You know, our world is actually the nice, neat, tidy world,' she says. 'There's a darker world out there.'
On the Internet, fetishists debate the ethics around everything from cannibalism to zoophilia (sex with animals). Should a crush fetishist, for example, be allowed to make his or her partner crush small living creatures underfoot for his or her own pleasure? Even guns are on the agenda. The US artist and author Katharine Gates, who runs www.deviantdesires.com, is a self-proclaimed gun fetishist: she gets turned on by cleaning her weapons and occasionally masturbates with an unloaded firearm. But she draws the line at playing with loaded guns and, in an online discussion, asks whether others agree. 'I have often thought it would be thrilling to combine my balloon fetish with guns,' Jon* replies wistfully. 'I would love to have my wife shooting at balloons while we make love. The idea of her pointing a barrel at a doomed balloon and slowly squeezing the trigger...the blast as the shot goes off and takes out the balloon as though it wasn't even there… It is one of those things where the desire is great but it's too dangerous and risky to try. Perhaps if we go camping in a really remote place….'

Despite the many grey areas, there are some hard-and¬-fast rules for fetishists of all persuasions. Children are always out of bounds. And, as Gates says in an online discussion, 'Any real-life activity that results in permanent injury and/or death - even if the person consents to it - must remain illegal and unacceptable.'

Sources: Katharine Gates, creator of www.deviantdesires.com, and Suzi Godson and Mel Agace, authors of The Sex Book (Cassel/Illustrated).

WHEN HE HAS A FETISH
Dr Eugene Viljoen, a clinical psychologist in Pretoria, offers advice on how to deal with your boyfriend's fetish.
First ask him what he'd like you to do. You can be very graphic - in fact, this could be seen as foreplay. He may become very aroused telling you about his fantasies. The eroticism of talking can be an intense form of intimacy.
Ask what's in it for you. Will it satisfy you as well - or is it just about him?
If your gut feeling is negative, don't do it.
If you are curious, go for it - then decide whether you like it or not.
See the first encounter as an experiment. If you don't like it, say so immediately. It's very unlikely that you will grow to like a particular act. If you don't say that you are uncomfortable upfront, you may start to fear intimate situations in future.
Don't fool yourself that your boyfriend or lover is just going through a phase. Most of these sexual behaviours are deep-seated and cannot be wished away.
If you compromise against your will just to please your boyfriend (or because you fear his rejection), this will harm the relationship in the future. As you become more self-confident, sex will become a war.
If, for example, the sex involves S & M and you don't like to inflict pain, abstain. You might feel revolted or have feelings of guilt that could harm you on a subconscious level. It may also influence your future perception/liking of sex.
Don't be blackmailed into kinky sex by your boyfriend's threats of leaving if you do not participate. Ask yourself what you are gaining from the relationship and why you are afraid to look for a more suitable partner.
Lastly, if you enjoy the sex, don't feel guilty!

STRANGER THAN FICTION
Here's a quick guide to some of life's fetishes:
Acomoclitic: A person for whom shaved and completely hairless genitals are a turn-on.
Chubby-chasers: People who are aroused by obesity.
Formicophilia: Getting your kicks by attracting small insects to your sexy bits – using jam, for example, to attract ants.
Infantilism: Nappies, bottles and baby clothes have all been fetishised. Some people just love being able to act like big babies.
Mudlarking: A subsection of wet-and-messy fetishism where participants derive sexual pleasure from playing in (or being completely engulfed by) mud or wet clay.
Rubber and Latex: Fetishists love the feel of the material. Some people like to mix wearing rubber with playing in mud (extra cloying and clammy); others like to add gas masks; while still others like to have their suits inflated with air.
Zoophilia: Having sex with animals is illegal in many countries, including South Africa. Some people masturbate their pets, while others go all the way.
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Fri, 12 Jun 2009 12:00 +0200
Be a Tease http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/be-a-tease
All you need is two dining-room chairs, a blindfold, a sexy outfit and music. A little chutzpah may help too. Step into your highest heels, put on some raunchy music and sit him down on one of the chairs – blindfolded – and you're ready to give him his unforgettable present.

Before you laugh this off, remember: you're a sassy, sexy woman and you can do this – especially with a few expert tips up your lacy sleeve. We asked the pros Teazers manager Greg Fedele, erotic-dance instructor Annie Baxter and stripper Charlie Scott, to tell us how it's done – and how he could return the favour. They helped us put together some routines. Before you get started, get ready. You must be comfortable and confident or it could end up being silly, not seductive. This is not the time or place for a good laugh.

First, get spruced up. Have a manicure, pedicure, facial and that Brazilian wax you've been considering…whatever it takes to make you feel gorgeous. Choose clothes you feel good in – the sexier, the easier it'll be to play the temptress – and be sure you can take them off without too much hassle.

Then choose a song you know and find it easy to move to. And make sure there's enough music to last the dance – you don't want to be left stranded in silence mid-strip! The choice of location is also vital. You must both feel comfortable there.

COSMO'S STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO GETTING IT OFF

STEP 1
Prepare the room. Clear your designated dance area of anything that could land you in a crippled heap on the floor, feeling like a slapstick star. Check that cell-phones are turned off, your glasses are topped up, the door is locked and the budgie cage is covered. Put two dining-room chairs opposite each other, a good distance apart. Light the candles, set the CD player, and you're ready to start.

STEP 2
Seat your man in one of the chairs and blindfold him. For added suspense, leave the room for a little while. Re-enter, press Play and gently remove his blindfold. Staring seductively into his eyes, use the blindfold to tie his hands softly behind his back, leaning over far enough for him to get a good look at your cleavage. Then, in your best Cell-C voice, tell him there'll be no talking or touching, thank you.

STEP 3
Sashay over to your chair, giving him time to appreciate how hot you look. Sit with your legs together, facing him, and run your hands slowly up your body and through your hair. Run your hands down your body to your knees and open your legs slightly, pushing your breasts together with your arms. Rub your thighs, lick your lips and give him a wink – if you can manage without having a giggling fit.

STEP 4
Slowly move over until you're standing in front of him, swaying your hips. You don't have to be a dancer for this – if you can make love, you can do an erotic dance. Move even closer and dance over one or both of his legs, moving sensually to the music as you undo the top button of his shirt. Then step away a little and dance with your back to him.

STEP 5
Still with your back to him, remove your camisole, bra or bodice and cover your breasts with your hands. Turn around again and, with your eyes lowered, caress your breasts and nipples before slipping one hand into your knickers, drawing attention to this area. Most men love watching women touching themselves.

STEP 6
You can either return to your chair and straddle it, or keep dancing in front of him. Watch his reactions to your moves and repeat those he seems to enjoy. This is your show, so have some fun!

STEP 7
With you back to him, teasingly begin to remove your knickers or G-string. Then (be brave now, girl!) lean forward and, with your derrière proudly in the air, slip them off and bring them down to your feet. Step carefully out of them – concentrate, now, you don't want to get all tangled up in your heels.

STEP 8
Walk over to the door, smile cheekily and indicate that you want him to follow you to the bedroom, bathroom, dining room or wherever else you've planned to end the evening.

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Tue, 19 May 2009 12:00 +0200
Make Him Shiver With Pleasure http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/make-him-shiver-with-pleasure
You know the sexy tingles you feel from a cool breeze or a gentle caress? Those sensations can also enhance your lust life. ‘Any unexpected touch hyper stimulates nerves and gives you that quivering feeling,’ says Sandor Gardos, PhD, founder of MyPleasure.com. Try the moves that create crazy-good goose bumps below, and then have your guy return the favour.

TINGLY TOAST
Sip sparkling wine then lick along your man’s lips and neck, lingering on the sensitive slope between his lower lip and chin. ‘The alcohol tingles and then evaporates quickly for a sexy, skin-tensing effect,’ says Carol Queen, PhD, sexologist at Goodvibes.com.

ACTING FRESH
Before oral sex, suck on a mint. You’ll both get chills because menthol triggers the body’s cold receptors. Slowly kiss down your guy’s torso before moving to his member. ‘Menthol’s effects last 20 minutes,’ says Jay Wiseman, author of Tricks to Please a Man (Greenery Press), so you have lots of time for frosty foreplay.

SPICE RUB
For a peppery head-to-toe turn-on, start with cinnamon-flavoured lube that heats up when touched. Massage him everywhere, rubbing some of the liquid in with your breasts instead of your fingers. Before you move on to intercourse, turn on a fan or the air conditioning for some full-body shivers.

THE SPINE TINGLER
As you’re making out, run your fingertips, lips or a feather along your guy’s spine. Hint: Try a zigzag pattern. ‘A straight line only activates nerves along your course,’ says Rebecca Rosenblat, author of Seducing Your Man (Burman Books Inc.). ‘A random part surprises and heightens the entire surrounding area.’

HEAD GAMES
Tease the scalp’s millions of nerves with a head massager. Lightly run it over his head, triggering shuddery waves of bliss. Or if you're already doing the deed, tug your guy’s hair lightly as he climaxes. It floods him with endorphins for an electrified orgasm.

FOREPLAY FREEZE
Make ice from carbonated water, then rub him down with the cubes. The carbonation leaves slushy pockets in the ice, so one minute he'll feel a solid touch from the cube, the next, a snowy clump melting on his skin. Then breathe warm air on the wet parts – heat increases circulation, leaving skin more sensitive.

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Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:00 +0200
Your Favourate Sex Position http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/your-favourate-sex-position
In this year's Online Sex Survey we asked you which was your favourite sex position, but there were way too many to choose just one from. We've narrowed the field down to six 'firm' favourites.

We want you to vote again so we can choose our readers' all-time favourite. Click here to make your choice and we'll publish the results in COSMOPOLITAN magazine.

If you haven't yet tried any one of them, here's how:

GUY ON TOP
HOW IT'S DONE: Have him enter you while you are lying on your back with your legs apart. Once he's inside, bring your legs close together. He can then hook his ankles around your calves and raise himself up slightly on his hands, arching his back a little. By closing your legs, you'll create a more snug entry for him – and more sustained clitoral stimulation for yourself.
WHY YOU'LL LOVE IT: This twist on the regular missionary position stimulates both of your hot buttons. Most importantly, the position lets you move and squeeze more to build arousal, and because your man will be using some of his strongest muscles – his thighs and glutes – he'll endure like the Duracell bunny.

GIRL ON TOP
HOW IT'S DONE: Get him to lie back while you climb on top of him, facing forwards, supporting your weight on your forearms and extending your legs behind you. Move your whole body up and down to massage his penis and press your legs together to increase clitoral stimulation – or spread them wide for deeper penetration.
WHY YOU'LL LOVE IT: This is one of the only woman-on-top positions where you're close enough to kiss and talk throughout, which creates intimacy. Both of you can enjoy full-body, skin-on-skin contact, and sensitive areas such as the breasts are naturally stimulated, while his pubic bone rubs against your clitoris. Stopping the motion for a second to bend down and kiss him can delay his orgasm.

DOGGIE STYLE
HOW IT'S DONE: Lean forwards, with your upper body at a 90-degree angle to your legs. Support yourself by leaning on a surface, while your guy stands behind you. Let him penetrate your and hold on to your hips while he thrusts. Bear down and backwards on his penis to make the penetration – which is already deep – even more intense.
WHY YOU'LL LOVE IT: The front wall of the vagina is supersensitive, which is why rear entry feels great for women. This is by far the best position to stimulate the G-spot – and both you and your man will have easy access to your clitoris.

REVERSE COWGIRL
HOW IT'S DONE: He lies back while you squat over him, facing his feet, and slowly lower yourself onto his erection. Lean on your hands and bounce up and down or, if you want to show off how flexible you are, lean back over his chest so that you are lying cheek to cheek.
WHY YOU'LL LOVE IT: There's not much work here for the guy. When you're sitting up, he's free to stimulate your anus if that's what you like; and if you're lying back, he can reach your clitoris. Because you can't see each other, you're free to let your fantasies run wild.

STANDING
SEXY SITUATION: A deserted boathouse with a rocking jetty and seductively lapping water is the ideal setting for a slap of wall-and-all.
HOT HOW-TO: Throw him against the wall. If there's a height difference between you, the shorter one can stand on something solid. You're about to mark your territory, so lift a leg for easier entry and lean up into him, hands spread-eagled against the wall for leverage. He pulls your pelvis up close, supporting you below the buttocks, and takes you like a sex-starved sailor.

SPOONING
SEXY SITUATION: A romantic position perfect for sundowners on a deserted grassy slope.
HOT HOW-TO: He encircles you with his arms and you both do an ice-skating-duo thing with your legs: lower leg bent forwards, upper leg extended. Let his hands go walkabout, playing with your breasts, and caressing your clitoris and nipples. While he's breathing hot words against the back of your neck and about to orgasm, reach down and stroke the smooth area behind his testicles to give him a real knee-trembler.

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Fri, 20 Mar 2009 12:00 +0200
Four 'Sexy' Moves to Skip http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/four-sexy-moves-to-skip
TRYING TOO HARD
When you go overboard hinting at how much you love a good 'hot dog' or slurping the 'head' off your beer – wink, wink – it can come off as scripted and forced. Don't try to tease us with forced porn-star talk, saying a sexy thing spontaneously is more of a turn-on.

NOT LETTING THINGS UNFOLD ORGANICALLY
We appreciate your spending a week secretly plotting how to ravage us, but it's a bummer when you can't deviate from a predetermined passion plan. Maybe you bought 300-million thread-count sheets and cooked a romantic four-course meal, but if the pork loin burns and we start kissing on the couch, go with it. It may not be the night you expected, but trust us, as long as we're getting some, we'll think the night is perfect.

USING EXCESS PROPS
We're psyched when you whip out, say, a flavoured condom or a buzzing toy. But break out a sex shop's worth of inventory in one night (especially if we haven't seen most of it before) and all those bells and whistles distract from the big draw: You. Not to mention, they make him wonder if he's even a necessary part of your sexual equation.

GOING TOO PAR IN PUBLIC
For some guys, being super naughty around a group of strangers is like using cute nicknames or watching Oprah – we'd like it better if there weren't a risk of being outed. Women also forget that men can't easily conceal excitement, especially in their pants.

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Tue, 03 Mar 2009 12:00 +0200
Sex Genius http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-genius
That may not be a shock. Chances are you've been with a guy who couldn't conceal his clitoral cluelessness. But you might wonder where the puzzlement stems from. Well, you can blame it on everything from tall tales told in locker rooms to ex-girlfriends who faked it to the boggling female body, with its small, sometimes hidden parts.

Even if a guy makes it into the vicinity of this important pleasure zone, he could still miss the mark because he is too nervous to really check you out down there or doesn't get how to stroke you right. Or logistics, such as the room being too dark, prevent it. But if your man's what I call ill-cliterate, don't write him off as a lost cause, there are ways to school him gently in the techniques that cause your toes to curl. Try these:

Fine-Tune His Touch
During foreplay, guide his hand to your clitoris, and show him how to touch you with the rhythm and firmness you like. Men are goal-oriented, so they often figure the faster and harder they work it down there, the more powerful your orgasm will be. Of course, it's not that simple, which is why it's important for you to set the tone.

Try pressing and releasing his fingertip against your clitoris several times, then use his finger to make small circles in either direction to hit all of your nerves. For a twist that will turn you both on, lie facing each other, take his penis, and use the tip of it to demonstrate how you like your clitoris to be touched (you might want to apply a water-based lube first).

Improve His Oral Skills
Many men's oral-sex motto is 'Stay the Course' – they continue the same stroke over and over. While you do need a degree of consistency, after a while, your nerves grow numb to repeated sensation, so he needs to mix things up.

One way to ensure the speed and intensity are varied is to have him place his lips around your clitoris (making, sure to cover his teeth), and alternate between gently sucking it and teasing it with his tongue. As he's doing this, press and grind your pelvis against his mouth to get the pressure you desire.

Manipulate His Main-Event Moves
When it comes to intercourse, it's easy to let clitoral action fall by the wayside, since the majority of positions fail to hit that hot spot. And that lack of contact is the main reason why so many women have trouble reaching orgasm while doing the deed.

To get clitoral stimulation during sex, hop on top and have him stroke your clitoris (the thumb works well here). In the missionary position, grab his butt and guide him to thrust slowly and deeply so your clitoris rubs against his pelvic bone. During doggie-style, he can reach around with one hand and firmly press two fingers on your clitoris for added sensation while he thrusts to help take you over the edge. ]]>
Wed, 25 Feb 2009 12:00 +0200
The Smart(er) Balls http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-smarter-balls
Smart balls consist of one or two small balls, which can vary in diameter, covered with different materials. The balls also have a string, which allows you to pull them out once inserted into the vagina. Dr Marlene Wasserman, a well-known clinical sexologist, says smart balls are not a new concept. They simply have a new, 'funky' name to describe what may be one of the world's first sex toys ever invented.

'The basic principle is a set of weights inserted into the vagina for the purpose of tightening the vagina, and strengthening the pubococcygeus [or PC] and pelvic floor muscles,' says Wasserman, author of Pillowbook (Oshun). 'It is a wonder toy in that if used consistently it can prevent vaginal and bladder prolapse.

'It really does tighten the muscles so that women feel increased orgasmic intensity, increases vaginal lubrication and men really get to penetrate a tighter vagina, which enhances their sensations. It is also arousing for a woman to walk around with smart balls because it gets her feeling fun and sexy all day.'

Wasserman advises those new to smart balls to try one ball first, by inserting it into your vagina as you would a tampon. 'The idea is to get the muscles to clench around the smart ball.' This makes Kegel exercises (contracting and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles to help strengthen your PC muscles) a little easier.

GET WITH THE PROGRAMME

'Some women may find that one ball slips right out. This means the muscles are weak,' says Wasserman. 'Begin on a programme. Persevere by first lying down and doing Kegel exercises with the smart balls inserted. Then walk around clenching with one ball inside. Once you can walk around a shopping centre with one, then try inserting the other one too.'

Next you can move into the 'maintenance' phase – every morning/evening insert your smart balls while brushing your teeth, applying makeup, washing dishes, etc, and then remove them before going out.

'It really fits quite comfortable, like a tampon. Of course if any pain is experienced you must remove them as soon as possible and go to your gynaecologist for a check up,' Wasserman warns. 'It will not get lost "up there" and never be found because of its string and the earth's gravitational pull.'

DOCTOR'S ORDERS

Wasserman says, when choosing a set of smart balls, they must be covered with non synthetic material to prevent foreign organisms entering the vagina; silicone is most commonly used. They last for a very long time so it's worth making a good, once-off investment.

'Never use a smart ball that has paper or fabric string connecting the two balls', she continues. After numerous insertions, the string becomes grimy and mucky, which is a big no-no for personal hygiene.

Keep your smart balls in a clean container. 'Some up market smart balls such as Lelo Luna Balls come in a beautiful box with a velvet pouch for storage.' Each time, before and after use, wash them with soap and water only.

Wasserman recommends two different types through her online store:
FUN FACTORY SMART BALLS come in a large range of gorgeous colour combinations, while LELO LUNA BALLS are an excellent high-street investment which comes with a separate ball and then a duo.

'Even though they are really funky and a fashion item, they have enormous clinical benefits to women and their partners,' says Wasserman. 'Empowered women use them to maintain their own sexual health and heighten their sexual pleasure.' ]]>
Tue, 06 Jan 2009 12:00 +0200
What He Really Wants for Christmas http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/what-he-really-wants-for-christmas
WHAT WE REALLY LIKE DURING ORAL SEX...
Giving a guy a blow job is always good – and shouldn't be saved for special occasions – but seeing as it's the festive season, you might want to try something different.

Begin with some slow kissing and nibbling. (Watch out for the teeth, though.) Then, once you've got things started, get comfy between his legs and start to lick the base of the penis, right down between his testicles. From that angle, you'll see a thick ridge running up what's normally the underside of the penis. Some hard, steady licking up the length of this ridge and between the testicles – will send him squirming without coming too quickly. In fact, because the tip of the penis isn't being stimulated directly, you should be able to keep him on the edge for ages.

WHAT WE REALLY WANT TO SEE...
It's been proven that masturbation doesn't make you go blind. So, if you want to blow his mind, don't talk about it – masturbate in front of him. There aren't many things more intimate than this. It's intensely personal and shows that you trust us implicitly, that's what makes it so hot. Men are simply more visually stimulated than women, that's why pictures of boobs have been making us slack-jawed since we were 12.

If you're feeling shy about jumping straight into it, make it fun by having a masturbation race with your man. The first of you to come gets taken to dinner. Just remember that men can't fake it, so you have to play fair. If you're up for it, pretend your partner's not even there and do exactly what you'd normally do. You don't need to try to be sexy, or make any theatrical moans. Whatever comes naturally will be more than hot enough. And, if you have any toys, bring them out to play, too.

WHAT WE REALLY WANT TO HEAR...

There's a fine line between talking dirty and sounding like the soundtrack to those late-night movies on e-tv. As a general rule, perhaps the best way of describing what it entails starts with you saying what you want. If you want us to take you from behind on the stairs, say: 'Take me from behind on the stairs.' What guy could refuse if you were to say: 'It would be really hot if you went down on me right now' or, 'Take your clothes off and get your butt on the bed'?

But saying something like, 'Ride me hard, cowboy!' will either leave both of you laughing hysterically, or leave him wondering how you spent your Saturday nights before you met him.

WHY WE REALLY LIKE THREESOMES...
Ask any group of guys what their favourite sexual fantasy is and they'll say it's a threesome. Surround-sound boobs, so many bums they're bouncing off the walls, a little light lesbian action thrown in, some major performance anxiety… Huh? Well, here's the thing: While a threesome makes for a great fantasy, not many guys would even know where to start if they ever ended up in a real threesome, particularly if one of the girls involved is a long-term girlfriend. Simple biology dictates that, at some stage in the evening, someone is going to be left out and, as the girlfriend, it definitely shouldn't be you.

If this is something you want to do, say so. When he finally stops running around the house doing war cries, sit him down and talk it through. Would it be better to bring in someone you've just met at a club and will probably never see again? Or should it be someone you both know well enough to enjoy breakfast with the next morning? Either way, your man needs to understand where the boundaries are – who gets to have sex with who, how much attention you're comfortable with him showing the other girl, what you're happy with her doing to him (and to you). Otherwise things can get messy.

WHY WE REALLY LIKE THE BACK DOOR...

The saying 'you always want what you can't have' certainly applies to anal sex, which is one of the more taboo practices to gain recent popularity. It's also something you should never be pressurised into doing, but if you're curious to give it a try, you could have fun. First thing, hit the shower and don't be afraid to scrub. Start off by playing around a little (this isn't going to be fun unless you both relax) then suggest he tries rimming (licking around your anus) and using his fingers. Some women can orgasm from this alone, so don't rush it. If you're concerned about hygiene, ask him to use a dental darn like, a piece of cellophane, or to put a condom over his finger.

If you're keen to move on to anal penetration, remember that the anus doesn't lubricate naturally and even pre-lubricated condoms may not provide enough slide. Invest in a water-based lubricant like KY Jelly, which won't degrade the latex in his condom, and slather it up.

WHY WE WANT YOU GIFTWRAPPED...

Remember that cheesy song 'All I Want For Christmas Is You'? A sweet sentiment, but what we really want is you with a ribbon around your waist and nothing else. Or perhaps a Santa hat and a smile? For 11 months, dressing up in sexy lingerie is hot, but in December, a little Christmas spirit goes a long way. And nothing says festive quite like an outfit made entirely from tinsel.
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Wed, 24 Dec 2008 12:00 +0200
Burn, Baby, Burn! http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/burn-baby-burn
You already know that a good, healthy session of sex should leave you sweaty and breathless. Your heart pounds and you need a long drink of water – if you do it right. So how can you be sure you’re doing it right? It’s not as if your personal trainer is going to make a house call (unless he’s the one working you out). According to the experts, the average session burns about 800kJ for every 30 minutes. At that rate, you’re burning as much fat as you would by taking a brisk walk. Surely the sex you’re having should be more exciting than that? Wouldn’t it be more fun to aim to burn as many kilojoules as, oh, a gymnastics class … a tango competition … even a triathlon? Here’s how to raise your performance levels to true elite status – prepare for your gold medal in the shag-o-Iympics!

ORDINARY FOREPLAY = 800 KILOJOULES

EXTRA PLAYFUL = 1 600 KILOJOULES
Change your definition of ‘foreplay’ to something even more aerobic. Flic Everett, author of So You Wanna Be A Sexy Bitch (Ulysses Press), recommends a striptease to get you both charged up. Incorporate work-out moves into your routine: slow squats as he looks at your butt, pelvic thrusts to loosen you up. Once you’re warmed up, you’ll be ready for a more creative approach to the action that follows. No more grunting when you hook your leg over his shoulder. No more losing the moment as you secretly massage a calf cramp.

Even if you’re not a private dancer, another way to incorporate this particular style of foreplay is to play naked hide-and-seek. Running around gets the heart rate up and the elevated sense of excitement will boost your adrenaline level. Declaring that the ‘loser’ gets a severe tickling, or worse, will make the anticipation all the more delectable.

LAID-BACK LOVING = 800 KILOJOULES

STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF = 1 600 KILOJOULES
The most energetic sex positions are the standing-up variety – but these are also the most likely to end in tragedy, or at least a tragic loss of mood. Don’t worry. If you haven’t managed to find a man with legs of steel, you can still reap the benefit – and a pretty exciting high-energy work-out. ‘Try a variation on the Tantric yab-yum position,’ says Suzie Heumann, coauthor of The Everything Great Sex Book (Adams Media Corporation) and founder of www.tantra.com. ‘Get your man to sit on a stool, making sure his knees are bent at right angles. Sit on his lap, facing him, and put your feet on the floor to stand and sit, or just wrap your legs around his back and grind. This position may be even better than standing, because you’ve got more leeway to get direct clitoral contact.’

GIRL ON TOP = 800 KILOJOULES

SIT ’N SPIN = 1 600 KILOJOULES
Squats aren’t only for the gym, you know. Kate Taylor, author of Life’s Too Short For Tantric Sex (Marlowe & Company), names a variety of girl-on-top positions. ‘Rather than kneeling,’ she says, ‘plant your feet flat on the bed, on either side of his hips, and lower yourself onto him. You’ll need to hang on to the headboard – unless you’ve got thigh muscles like Arnie’s.’ Then pull yourself up and down, rotating your hips in circular motions as you do. This position, done slowly, can also make things last longer because you’re in control.

SITTING-DOWN SEX = 800 KILOJOULES

HANGING-OUT SEX = 1 600 KILOJOULES
Another sexpert who multitasks his work-outs and playtime is Tom Kulmacz, founder of www.sexinfo101.com. One of his positions, the imaginatively entitled ‘Position 18’, will either drive your man wild or have him in stitches, depending on how strong your arms are. Have him sit on the floor, leaning back slightly and supporting himself on his arms. Place a chair between his legs and sit on it, draping your calves over his shoulders. Put your hands on the front of the chair, fingers facing forwards and towards him, and slip your bum off the chair; lower yourself onto him, using your triceps. It’s not for the weak of arm – you may need to ask him to support your bum or lift his hips to meet you halfway. But succeed and it’s a triple treat: you’ll get a mid-nooky work-out, impress him with your imagination and distract yourself from any nervousness or pressure – which is sure to allow a surprise orgasm to sneak right up on you.
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Tue, 09 Dec 2008 12:00 +0200
Sex Up Your Bedroom http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-up-your-bedroom
PRACTICAL
Get a sturdy headboard with padding. There'll be no loud banging and no bruising, so you can spare yourself those funny looks from the neighbours and your work colleagues.
Invest in an extra length mattress. There's nothing quite as graceless as falling off your bed when you're being tossed by your man.
Keep a bottle of fresh water on your nightstand or near your bed for those extra long sessions. Add ice for the kinky ones.
In winter, install a heater, or keep a portable one nearby. You want to shiver from excitement, not cold.
Make sure safety is an arms' reach away. Don't hide your condoms in your medicine cabinet behind the cotton wipes and ear buds. It'll spare you that naked dash to the bathroom while he ends up cooling down.
A decent sound system drowns out most intimate sounds. Just make sure you take Kenny G off repeat.

PLAYFUL
Sprinkle a few soft, springy cushions for those rough nights of deep impact. Your back will thank you for the extra support.
Overhead lighting is unflattering. Keep your ceiling lights off and instead place chic, free-standing or portable lamps strategically around the room.
Add extra kink with mirrors. They're a great turn on for most guys and can be mounted on your ceiling. But do think carefully before you have them installed – they can't be hidden and are quite expensive.
For the progressive, you can purchase a removable dance pole. You can put it up and take it down in minutes, and you won't be left with awkward questions when your parents drop by unexpectedly.

PRIVACY

Place your smaller sex toys discretely around your room. It's even better if you dedicate a bottom drawer (preferably with a lock) to them so when your house mate is searching for her flat iron she doesn't stumble upon your rabbit vibe.
Decorative drapes can double as bedpost ornamentation and hand-cuffs/ties. It'll be kinkier if they're silk and no one will really know what they're there for.
Invest in quick-shut blinds. They come in handy for sparring yourself the embarrassment and your neighbour the details during those afternoon quickies.
Lock the door. Lock the door. Lock the door. Need we say more?

OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND: THINGS TO PUT ELSEWHERE
Put away your laptop and keep your cellphone on silent, they're distracting.
There's no need for video or digital cameras if you haven't both consented to it.
While dirty talk is a turn on, dirty laundry on display isn't.
It's best to keep all clutter to a minimum in your bedroom. It's noisy, distracting and if things get really playful, can end in cuts and bruises.
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Tue, 09 Dec 2008 12:00 +0200
Make Condoms More Fun http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/make-condoms-more-fun
'It's as simple as choosing the right rubber, making him feel at ease and keeping the intensity high throughout the act,' says sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD, author of Sex With Your Ex (Adams Media Corporation). When you do all three, 'he won't have the usual anxiety about losing his erection or not being able to climax'.

SHOPPING TIPS
Most people spend seven seconds choosing a condom, according to Trojan. But a last-minute dash to the 24-hour pharmacy can mean less satisfaction in bed.

Size matters. The right fit completely changes how a guy experiences sex with a condom. One that's too tight reduces sensation, takes longer to get on (which can deflate his erection) and is more likely to break. If you can't roll the condom all the way down to the base of his penis, it's not large enough. That said, an oversized one can slip off and the extra material can make your man feel inadequate. Experiment with brands and styles.
Try a condom designed with a swirl or bulb at the end of it – it will say so on the box, usually with a word like 'twist' or 'pleasure' or 'spiral'. These models fit securely around the base of his shaft while creating more friction near the nerve-packed head of his penis.
Consider a polyurethane prophylactic. Unlike latex, they transmit body heat, making intercourse feel more sensual.

LET'S GET IT ON
Rolling one on doesn't have to ruin the mood.

The faster you can slip on a condom, the less likely he is to go limp. Minimize fumbling by opening the wrapper during foreplay. Pull the condom out, and place two drops of lube inside. This increases sensation at the supersensitive head of his penis. Place the opening over the top of his shaft. Hold it there with one hand, lightly squeeze the tip of the condom, and use your other hand to unravel it all the way down to the base of his penis.
For a treat, use your mouth. Dab your lips with lube then lightly suck the (nonspermicidal) disc into your mouth with the nipple end inward. (If you're apprehensive about this, try a flavoured condom.) Carefully wrap your lips over your teeth and put your mouth at the head of his penis. Push your lips against the ring of the condom, slide it down his shaft and unroll the rest with your hand.

PLEASURE-MAXING MOVES
A condom needn't come between you, him and a climax

Squeeze your legs together in missionary or doggie-style to create extra pressure.
Make a V with your pointer and middle fingers then place it between your legs. Press it against the base of his penis as he thrusts. This gives him more stimulation where the condom is tightest.
Buy a vibrating ring. It is a plastic band attached to a buzzing nub. Place the band around the base of the condom, with the nub facing your clitoris and enjoy the pulsating ride.
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Mon, 01 Dec 2008 12:00 +0200
10 Secrets Of Women Who Orgasm Easliy http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/10-secrets-of-women-who-orgasm-easliy
1. ORGASMIC WOMEN SEE THEMSELVES AS SEXUAL CREATURES
'Women who orgasm frequently and with ease are women who've claimed the right to be sexual in a culture that still regards female sexuality as taboo,' says Wasserman. For those who've grown up in an environment where sex isn't talked about and strong, sexual, female role models are lacking, learning to assert one's sexuality takes practice.
HOW TO GET THERE Although Big Brother contestants Mandy and Ilse-Mari's marathon sex conversation in the Virtual Vault might have made you cringe, they were doing something we should all be doing: talking honestly and openly about sex. Find someone you feel comfortable talking to – an open-minded friend or counsellor – and start by asking questions. Read about empowered women who've overcome sexual problems and find out what makes them sexually assertive. Sexual abuse can block your ability to orgasm and, while loving relationships can help heal emotional scars, therapy is advisable. Illness can also impair your sexual functioning, so see your doctor if you suspect it's a factor.

2. THEY'RE COMFY WITH THEIR BODIES
Orgasmic women aren't all Baywatch body doubles, but they have an acceptance of their bodies and an innate sense of their own sexiness. 'Successfully orgasmic women are in touch with their bodies and confident with their sexuality,' says Wasserman. An issue with an aspect of your body, such as cellulite, can prevent you from having orgasms.
HOW TO GET THERE Boost your body confidence by keeping yourself fit, healthy and groomed, but learn to accept and make the most of what you can't change. Get regular reality checks at public swimming pools or beaches, where real people's bodies are on show. Learn to feel comfortable with your own nudity, spending quiet times lying naked on your bed or in the bath.

3. THEY UNDERSTAND HOW THEIR BODIES WORK
Do you know exactly where your clitoris is and what it does during sex? Bet you didn't know this: it swells and becomes erect not only when you're aroused but every 90 minutes while you're asleep. To experience your body fully, you need to educate yourself on its inner workings.
HOW TO GET THERE Discover what creates an orgasm by reading guides such as Dr Miriam Stoppard's Woman's Body: A Manual for Life (Dorling Kindersley) or The Sex Book (Cassell Illustrated), by visiting health and sex websites, or watching educational videos. Next, explore your body with the help of a mirror.

4. THEY KNOW WHAT TURNS THEM ON

Through experience and experimentation, orgasmic women have learnt what pushes their 'O' buttons, whether it's having their necks nibbled by a man wearing Emporio Armani Diamonds for Men, or the intimacy of the good old missionary position.
HOW TO GET THERE 'Masturbation is the best way to learn how to achieve orgasm,' says women's health expert Dr Miriam Stoppard. First, ensure you're in an atmosphere of privacy, relaxation and fun. Stimulate yourself, moving from head to toe, before focusing on your erogenous hot spots. Try various techniques, such as stroking yourself with underwear, pushing a pillow between your legs or using a vibrator. Venture down new avenues, from erotic literature and raunchy videos to women's groups in which you'll be encouraged to unleash your va-va-voom. For most women, psychological cues are crucial to satisfying sex, so don't only focus on the physical. See sex as a holistic experience, not merely a matter of foreplay followed by penetration. Practise awakening your senses with your partner by massaging each other without genital contact, and test-drive new positions to discover which ones rev your motor.

5. THEIR SEXUALITY IS NOT DEFINED BY MEN
The orgasmic woman's sexuality isn't dependent on someone else. It comes from her.
HOW TO GET THERE Create a unique erotic relationship with yourself. Set time aside for 'sex for one' – and make an effort to keep it interesting. If that means investing in a stock of fluorescent, studded vibrators or sexy lingerie, do it.

6. THEY ARE PICKY ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL PARTNERS

A good sexual partner is patient and considerate and doesn't pressurise you to orgasm to prove his own virility. Pressure, Wasserman warns, inhibits your ability to orgasm. You need to have the freedom to discuss possible reasons why you're blocking an orgasm with your partner. If you aren't able to do this in a relationship, it's likely that other, non-sexual obstacles to intimacy will crop up later.
HOW TO GET THERE Stick with men who can offer you honesty and intimacy. Don't waste your time on the rest.

7. THEY TELL MEN WHAT THEY WANT
Orgasmic women tell men what to do to get them to orgasm. Therefore, the ability to communicate with a man and teach him how to touch you is a life skill you can't do without. Sex and the City's Kim Cattrall confessed in Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm (Warner Books) that she suffered unsatisfying sex for two decades. Although she experienced some pleasure during intercourse, she never reached orgasm. She threw herself instead into her work and family, and bitched about the lack of decent men – until she met her husband, Mark, in 1998 and learnt about communication and honesty.
HOW TO GET THERE Learn to be an active rather than a passive partner. Say, 'I love it when you… It really turns me on.' (Men respond brilliantly to praise.) And gently guide his hand if he's getting it wrong. Start being more assertive in other areas in your life – tell people what you want and let them know if they overstep boundaries.

8. THEY DON'T FAKE IT

Orgasmic women don't put pressure on themselves to orgasm. Sometimes a warm and fuzzy, sensual experience without a spectacular climax satisfies them. If so, they don't feel the need to fake it.
HOW TO GET THERE Remind yourself that every faked orgasm is a wasted opportunity to teach your man what you want. You may think you're boosting his ego or sparing him guilt, but dishonesty is insulting and far less rewarding in the long term for you both.

9. THEY FANTASISE
Whether you're on a solo sexual exploration or with a partner, a rich fantasy life will keep your arousal levels high. Orgasmic women take responsibility for keeping their sex lives fresh by constantly creating new fantasies.
HOW TO GET THERE Cultivate a few shamelessly erotic scenes to play like movies in your head. They're fictional, so make them as far-fetched as you like.

10. THEY ARE NOT AFRAID TO LEAVE A SEXUALLY UNSATISFYING RELATIONSHIP
Super-orgasmic women don't stick around with men who can't (or won't) give them what they need sexually. It's simply too important to them.
HOW TO GET THERE Start valuing your own sexuality and you'll realise it isn't something you should readily compromise.
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Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:00 +0200
The E-Spot http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-e-spot
Three ways to tell whether he’s hit the G-spot or the E-spot:

1. G-spot: he asks you what turns you on.
E-spot: No need to ask – he’s doing it with everything he says and does.

2. G-spot: After a one-night stand, you’re happy but you are ready to move on.
E-spot: You stay till morning, talking and hoping for repeat performances.

3. G-spot: You SMS or e-mail all your girlfriends to tell them about the night.
E-spot: You’re speechless!
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Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:00 +0200
The Sex He Secretly Craves http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-sex-he-secretly-craves
GET HIM GOING

In his fantasy world, he wants you to attack him out of nowhere. But if you literally attack him out of nowhere, he’ll scream and cover his man bits with both hands. Call your man up and tell him you’re going to take him whenever and where ever you please. The notion alone will get him going, but if you sense any hesitancy, stick to basic girl on top.

AMBUSH HIM

Now you can put the plan in motion by pouncing when he least expects it. If you grab him and give him deep kisses and even oral sex as soon as he walks through the door, he’ll feel like you’re passion prey. Plus, it shows that you’re adventurous and enthusiastic about sex with him.

MAKE DEMANDS
Playfully order him to get on the bed and stay still while you do what you want with his body. Or lie back and feed erotic instructions to him, telling him where you want to be touched and how. He loves feeling like he’s there solely for your pleasure, and when you dictate what he has to do, it alleviates any pressure to figure out what gets you off.

TIE HIM DOWN

Once he knows you mean business, you can bring light bondage into the mix - handcuffs not required. Simply pin his wrists above his head with your hands. He’ll love it.
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Mon, 30 Jun 2008 12:00 +0200
The Hottest Ways To Touch Him There http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/the-hottest-ways-to-touch-him-there
TEMPERATURE HE LIKES

* Rub warming lube between your palms to generate heat. Wrap your hands around his shaft, one hand stacked on top of the other, and gently twist in opposite directions.
* Place two cubes of chilled, flavoured jelly in your mouth before giving him oral for a buoyant sensation that thrills.
* Before oral action, spritz mint anaesthetic throat spray into your mouth. The menthol will give him cool tingles; the anaesthetic will briefly numb his skin so you can increase pressure.
* Bring an ice pop to bed and alternate sucking it and his member.
* Caress his penis and testicles with a damp, warm (not hot) washcloth. Heat will soothe him and amp up blood flow to the area, intensifying sensation.

PRESSURE HE DESIRES

* Lightly bind your thong around the base of his member. This restricts circulation so his penis becomes engorged and sensitised. Draw tiny circles around the tip using your finger. Men love pressure at the base, along with scintillating stimulation.
* Lick your lips and plant them on the middle of his member. Suck in like a vacuum and slide your mouth up and down while maintaining suction.
* Rub the shaft`s base (where it meets the scrotum) in a circular motion.
* The frenulum (the thin band of skin connecting the guys head and shaft) is one of the most sensitive parts of a guy`s body. Hold it between your thumb and your forefinger and gently pulse.

TEXTURES HE LUSTS FOR

* Slip on smooth leather, cashmere, or angora gloves. Glide your hand over his shaft, tip and family jewels.
* Loosely wrap his tie around his member as though you were applying a bandage, and leave the head exposed so you can lick and suck it. Once he`s really hot, slooowly unwrap the tie and give him full on oral action.
* While he`s in his underwear, run a vibrator over his shaft.
* Alternate using the top and underside of your tongue during oral.
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Thu, 12 Jun 2008 12:00 +0200
Turn On Your Sexual Satnav http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/turn-on-your-sexual-satnav YOUR BODY

ROUTE 1
UP THE JUNCTION

Time to destination: 20 minutes
This is a slow and scenic route to ‘Oooh!’. Lie naked on your back, naked, in a warm candlelit space. Ask him to coat his hands in a two-in-one massage lotion/lubricant (try Durex Play 2-in-1 Gel) and rub them together until they’re warm. He should then place them between your navel and pubic bone for around 20 seconds, allowing the heat to seep through to your sexual chakra (or energy point). Warming this chakra will help ignite your desire. Get him to repeat this three times and then ask him to massage along the lines of your hip.
Moving up a gear, he should then glide his hands in one slow, long, sweeping stroke from your hips up to your nipples. When his hands reach your breasts, he should part his fingers so each of your nipples nestles between two of them. He should then close his fingers, clasping your nipples, and pull his hands away from your body, gently tugging them as he goes. Get him to repeat this 10 times, alternating the tugging with light fingertip circling of each breast.
Let him refuel his palms with lube before he reverses them down your body and parks them either side of your labia, gently pulling them apart to expose your clitoris. He should then roll his thumbs around each other, letting the pads alternately stroke your clitoris. Let him know the speed limit you prefer and set him at cruise control until you reach destination climax.

ROUTE 2
THE DUSTY ROAD

Time to destination: 15 minutes
You must be blindfolded for the duration of this thrill ride so you can focus on touch, taste and smell. Sit on the edge of a chair with your legs parted and tie your hair back so he has equal access to your neck, mouth and clitoris. He can then alternate between the following three directions:
1. Get him to use a clean makeup brush to dust your neck with icing sugar, or a specially made lust dust, such as Kama Sutra Honey Dust (made from 100% pure honey but in a fine powder form, in strawberry and champagne flavour). He can then lick the dust off.
2. Sprinkle a little dust over your lips and let him trace the head of his penis around your mouth: the nerve endings packed beneath the thin skin of your lips allow extra stimulation and you’ll experience the contrast of sweet taste with his manly scent.
3. Ask him to choose a moment when you’ll least expect it to repeat the above move with his tongue instead of the tip of his penis, while he simultaneously penetrates you.

ROUTE 3
THE FOOTPATH

Time to destination: 25 minutes
Recline in a chair and let him coat your toes in a lickable lotion like Lick It Vanille. First, he should use firm thumb strokes from heel to toe to get this sensitive stretch of skin used to being touched (without tickling you). Then he can replace his thumbs with his tongue, using wide, flat licks in the same direction until he reaches your toes. Once there, he should drive his tongue between each toe – a manoeuvre designed to send sex signals straight to your hot spot. After five repetitions on each foot, ask him to use his palms to spread the lotion up your calves and into the crooks of your knees. With your knees slightly bent he can lick behind your knee, teasingly mimicking what he’s about to do somewhere else. Let him continue for as long as you can bear and then steer his tongue to your genitals.

HIS BODY

ROUTE 1
SLOW DRIVE SOUTH

Time to destination: 25 minutes
Wet conditions are essential for this ride. Run a bath, add your favourite oils for extra slipperiness and ask your man to park himself between your legs with his back to you. Rev up his engine by massaging his scalp with conditioner for 15 minutes, alternating between slow, firm fingertip strokes and light scratching with your nails.
While doing this, turn your attention to his biggest erogenous zone – his mind. Whisper a sexual fantasy into his ear, making sure your breath blows onto his lobe (another major arousal spot on the male map). Keep your voice low and describe how you would perform a striptease for him, including how it makes you feel: ‘Before I even begin to slip my bra strap off my shoulder, I can feel my nipples are erect and ready for you…’
Next, with your hands still lubricated with conditioner, drive your fingertips down to his chest and gently roll and pull his nipples between your fingers and thumbs as you continue your erotic tale.
Finally, keep one hand working a nipple, while the other takes the fast lane south to his penis. Ask him to clasp his fist over yours and work your lathered hand up and down his shaft until he reaches a climax in time with that of your story.

ROUTE 2
ROUTE 69

Time to destination: 15 minutes
Before this mystery tour begins, you need to stop off for some sticky refreshments: honey, chocolate sauce or cream. Let your man dip a finger in any of them and use it to mark three ‘picnic’ spots on both your bodies that he wishes to suck or have sucked.
Lick his finger clean by taking long, deep sucks all the way to the base of his finger, maintaining eye contact. The fingertips are full of nerve endings and highly sensitive to touch; plus, the intent in your eyes will make him anticipate similar sensations from you going down on him later. Then allow him to suck all the marked area(s) on your body and vice versa – except for any between-the-legs ones.
Once you’re done, lie him on his back and, facing his feet, straddle his face. Then lean forward and take his penis in your mouth. Support your body with one hand and grip him with the other. Form a seal between your fist and lips so he feels nothing but the deepest penetration – then hold on for a super-fast orgasm.

ROUTE 3
THE ROUNDABOUT

Time to destination: 20 minutes
Ask your man to lie on his front, legs apart, with his penis pointing downwards between his legs. Coat his buttocks in massage oil, using strong circular thumb strokes to massage the muscles. After five minutes, travel outwards, increasing the circumference of each stroke so your thumbs glide between his buttocks, from the base of his spine to his perineum. This will send sensual vibrations to his prostate gland, labelled the male G-spot for its ability to arouse.
After another five minutes, take a trip to his testicles, and with gentle pressure, roll each one individually between your fingers and thumbs. Then lightly tickle the skin before turning him onto his back to give his penis room to become erect while you repeat the testicle caress.
When he’s fully erect, straddle him, facing his feet, so you can continue to massage his balls and perineum as you slide up and down his shaft. When you feel his hips driving up, release his balls and increase your speed until his orgasm is complete.

WHERE TO GET YOUR GOODIES
Durex: 0861 797 797
Whet Sensuality Emporium: 021 461 0975
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Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:00 +0200
House-Warming Party http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/house-warming-party THE STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN HUMP

NOTE: A great way to get him up

How it’s done: Kneel on the stairs with your elbows and lower arms resting on a step above you. Spread your legs slightly and raise your bum. Your man kneels on the step below you and enters you from behind. With his hands on your hips, he then thrusts. This position allows easy access to your G-spot – so prepare to be taken all the way to the top.

Difficulty: Your knees may take a beating, especially if you have hard wood or tile flooring. If your staircase is carpeted, it’ll feel softer but you’ll run the risk of serious carpet burn. It’s probably best to place pillows under your knees.

THE CLOSET QUICKIE

NOTE:
If you’re horny and have house guests

How it’s done: Politely excuse yourself from company by saying something about checking dinner, grab your man and quickly make your way to the closest closet. Be aware of the time you have (or, rather, don’t). Both get undressed as quickly as possible. You then stand with your back against the wall and wrap one leg around his waist. Facing you, he bends his legs slightly and enters you. Then, placing his hands under your bum cheeks, he lifts you up so that both your legs are around his waist.

Difficulty: The biggest challenge is keeping quiet so that you are not caught out – so concentrate on heavy breathing rather than shouting out lustily. Your man will also need a fair amount of strength to hold your weight. Once done, remember to check that your clothing is in place, your face is not too flushed and your hair doesn’t look too ruffled before going back to your guests.

THE KITCHEN COUNTER CLINCH

NOTE: When you’ve got an incredible hunger

How it’s done: Sit on the kitchen counter facing your man with your hands leaning behind you. Standing between your legs, your man places his hands on the counter and enters you. Not sure what to do with your dangling legs? For a super-sexy variation, place your feet on his shoulders. While your man is thrusting, rock your body forward and back for deeper penetration and more momentum.

Difficulty:
If the counter is too high, get him to stand on a footstool, some stacked phone directories, or any other handy household goodies that will give him height.

THE DINING ROOM CHAIR CHASER

NOTE: You can be excused for having no table manners

How it’s done: Stand on the seat of a chair, facing the backrest, with your feet firmly on either side of the seat. Hold onto the back of the chair, bend your legs and push your bum backwards. Your man stands behind you, with his hands either on your hips or around your waist, and enters you from behind. He should move slowly in and out so that the chair does not rock and topple over.

Difficulty:
You will definitely need strong leg muscles for this one because you are squatting the entire time. If this becomes too much trouble, and you are struggling to climax, get your man to sit on the chair and then straddle him.

THE COFFEE TABLE TRYST

NOTE: Serve yourself as a spread for afternoon tea

How it’s done:
You’re going to need a long, narrow coffee table for this one. Lie flat on it with your legs spread and rest your feet on the floor on either side of the table. Your man then lies on top of you, holds onto the edge above your head and pulls himself into you. You can use the balls of your feet to speed up momentum and assist with the thrusting.

Difficulty: Before you start, make sure to clear the coffee table of books, candles, vases, remotes or anything else that might cause discomfort (or danger) during your romp. You are limited to space here, so there should be no rolling over and cuddling once you’re done – your man could fall off the table and get hurt.

THE SHOWER SHAG

NOTE: The best way to come clean

How it’s done: First off, make sure that the shower water is the perfect temperature – not too hot or cold – and that the spray is not pointing directly in your face. There’s nothing sexy about the drowned-rat look. Stand facing the shower wall, with your legs slightly spread. Raise your hands above your head and place them against the wall, then lift your one leg and rest your foot in the soap dish. Your man holds onto your waist and enters you from behind.

Difficulty: You will definitely need to be limber to pull this position off. If your soap dish is too high, turn around and wrap your one leg around his waist. Remember: showers are highly slippery so be careful that neither of you lose your footing.
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Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:00 +0200
Sex Goddess In a Mess? http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//Sex/Stories/sex-goddess-in-a-mess ALCOHOL/DRUGS
Too much alcohol is a depressant and drugs make you want sex but they numb physical sensation – which stops you from enjoying it.
SEX FIX
Limit your alcohol intake to one or two glasses and avoid drugs completely. Hone your sexual skills (COSMO sex tips are a great starting point) and enjoy mind-blowing sex – minus the chemicals.

STRESS
Lifestyle factors such as career pressure and relationship issues may be turning your sex life from sizzle to fizzle.
SEX FIX
Relationship problems can be a prime cause of stress. Identify what is lacking in your love life and talk it over with your man to get it back on track. Nutrition, exercise and drinking loads of water will also help alleviate stress and boost your libido.

THE SCALE
Your body image affects your sexuality. Extra kilos may kill you libido and being too thin plunges your body into survival mode, leaving you with little energy and no desire for sex.
SEX FIX
Being sexy is not about how much you weigh! Eat a balanced diet and exercise regularly. Not only will you be in shape but you’ll also ooze sensuality.
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Mon, 28 Apr 2008 12:00 +0200