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Will He Ever Marry You?

You and your guy may be a better match than cheese and marmite, but that won't make him propose. Psychologist Dr Alon Gratch reveals the tipping factor that will.

Women assume that a guy will pop the question once he finds someone he's compatible with, i.e., The One. But that's not enough to push him over the edge, according to clinical psychologist Dr Alon Gratch, author of If Men Could Talk (Little, Brown and Company). What, then, does it take?

'Being ready,' says Gratch. 'In my 25 years of experience working with men as a relationship therapist, its 49% the right woman, 51% his readiness to commit.' That means that compatibility is hugely important. But if he's not in a 'marriage mindset' yet, he's not going to commit to anyone... not even Gisele. In fact, 81% of the married men surveyed by the National Marriage Project in the US said one reason they decided to wed was because it was the right time to settle down. 'Of course, even if a guy is ready to walk down the aisle, he still needs to find the right person,' says Gratch. 'But he is more likely to meet her once he's in that marrying state of mind.' To help us figure it all out, we asked Gratch to explain. Here, he divulges the five factors that make a man want to take the plunge:

Commitment Factor #1: The Capacity To Love Even if a man tells you that he's in it for the long-term, you won't really know the level of his staying power until you hit some rough patches. If he's not ready, he won't be able to handle the negative aspects of a relationship, and he'll either shut down - and shut you out - or bail. A man who is truly ready to bond will be willing to work with you to try to resolve whatever problems the two of you are having. This doesn't mean that he'll never experience any doubts or even think about leaving. But, at the end of the day, he'll realise that his relationship is a top priority, and whatever discomfort he might have to endure to work out the kinks is worth it. It's a trade-off he's willing to make.
Commitment Factor #2: Being Able To Accept Imperfections
Commitment Factor #3: He Truly Believes In Commitment
Commitment Factor #4: He's Sure He Can Be The Man
Commitment Factor #5: He's Tired Of Playing Around

Author: Dr Alon Gratch
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