More Than Friends

Whenever I've made a passionate (and usually drunken) lunge at a female friend in the past, she's always looked so disappointed in me. Not happy, flattered or romantically inflamed. Just disappointed, like a dog owner who's just discovered her Jack Russell weeing in the corner of the sitting room.

And nobody likes being made to feel like a naughty Jack Russell. So why do girls react this way? Why is it so wrong for a guy to make opportunistic sexual advances to his female friend? If you enjoy each other's company and don't find each other sexually repulsive, isn't it natural to take things a step further?

I mean, if you think about it, it's quite rude not to allow a friend to have sex with you.

FRIENDS IN NEED
Take my best friend, Olly. I'd do anything for him. I'll lend him money, let him nap on my sofa and cheer him up with booze when he's down. My only regret is that, during the times when he's felt lonely romantically, I haven't been able to offer him any carnal comforts. Mainly because, well, I'm not into men. Otherwise I would probably let him have sex with me, just to cheer him up a bit. That's the sort of thing friends are for. Growing up, I tried it on with every single female friend I had, from Tracey the blonde bombshell at nursery school to most of my mates at university.

To me, making a romantic move was as instinctive as offering them my last Rolo. I did it in the same spirit as I might compliment them on their haircuts. I wanted to flatter them. And what better way to do this than by trying to stick my tongue down their throats?

But I wasn't just trying to be nice. I fell for these girls big-time: I liked spending time with them; they were interesting, entertaining people. It was on these grounds – not superficial stuff like the scent of their perfume or the curve of their breasts – that I ended up fancying them. What better basis for a relationship is there?

Nonetheless, most of them made short shrift of me. They told me they 'valued me too much as a friend'. But the simple truth is, they probably just weren't that into me.

BOSOM BUDDIES
Not all guys are as noble as I am. Some aren't used to having female friends, and, when they find one, immediately mistake their platonic attraction for a sexual one – then mess the whole thing up. Like my friend Steve, who, just because the girl who sat next to him at work accompanied him to Vida e Caffé at lunch time decided he should write her a love poem and hide it in her desk drawer. She complained to their boss and Steve got an official warning.

Other guys just see a female friend as an easy target for a casual shag. But what's the harm in a one-night stand between friends if you're both honest about your intentions? It only gets awkward if one of you is expecting the random sex to blossom into some sort of long-term romance.

You girls always claim that having sex with a guy friend 'ruins the whole friendship'. Well, couldn't consummating things in the sack actually strengthen a friendship? There's something about seeing each other naked that forges a special kind of bond. Plus, you can't fall out with her, in case she decides to spread it around that you're a freak.

One thing's for sure – when friends get romantically involved, the stakes are high. You can either find your perfect partner or lose the best friend you ever had. So, while I'm not saying that you should shag all your guy friends out of a sense of duty, I urge you not to take offence when one of them tries to get it on with you. Just try to take it as a compliment. Or do what my best female friend of all time did to me: say no a few dozen times; then, when you are worn down by a combination of charm and persistence, spend the night with him and eventually marry him. Yes, when it comes to pulling your friends, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

Author: Sam Delaney