Guy Pal Advice
When it comes to dating and relationship issues, your guy friends have tons of wisdom to dole out. You see, they don't have the problematic perspective that your girlfriends do, who are so hopeful about a boy's potential that they may not see the situation clearly. But often, male friends hold back from dishing the truth because they don't want you to feel bad. Here, they reveal scenarios their female friends are experiencing - and advice they're dying to pound into their friends' brains.
'My friend's boyfriend never talks to her when he's upset, and it really bugs her. What she doesn't realise is that most men tend to handle problems by sucking it up - otherwise, we're called wusses. Instead of trying to pry into out of him, give a guy room to breathe. Look, if he needs your advice, he'll find a way to bring it up.'
- Tim*, 25
'My co-worker complains that the men she dates seem into her, drop off the face of the earth for weeks, and then reappear as if nothing happened. They blame it on being busy or use some other pathetic excuse, but honestly, guys don't disappear when they're into to you, since sex is always number one on our to-do list. If he vanishes for more than a week, odds are he met someone he liked better or who required less work to get into bed. If he pops up again, you can bet that girl didn't work out and he's back-tracking through his black book. My advice: Don't seem too eager early on. When he thinks you have other options, he'll be less likely to put you on hold.'
- Ben*, 24
'The guy my friend is seeing talks to his ex about once a month, and she's stewing about it. I understand why she's annoyed, but it doesn't mean he wants to get back with his old flame. The fact that he admits they're in touch is a clear sign that nothing is going on; otherwise, he'd be secretive about it. Here's the deal: if their friendship is out in the open, he's probably turning to his ex for advice about you. If he only brings her up when he compares you to her during a fight or you catch him sending her an SMS on the sly, then there's reason to confront him.'
- Shane*, 26
'One friend hits men with the 'Where is this going?' speech within the first month of dating. She doesn't want to waste time with the wrong guy, but trying to label things so
soon can scare him off. A guy is usually a few months behind a woman when it comes to his feelings about a relationship. That's because many women start sleeping with a guy only after they have decided he has potential. But we don't start wondering if you're a keeper until we've gone to bed with you and things simmer down enough for us to know if we like you for more than just sex. When you're ready to take the next step, wait three months before asking if he's on the same page.'
- Darryl*, 27
'My friend points out her flaws so whoever she's seeing will disagree. Whether she does it to feel attractive or score attention, she doesn't realise that most men are blind to a woman's imperfections because they're too busy checking out her assets. Bringing up your shortcomings may land you compliments but, over time, it makes a guy focus on them. Keep them to yourself and we'll probably never notice.'
- Gershwin*, 32
'This guy dating my friend hates it when she goes out with her friends. He says hanging out with them cuts into their alone time, but if a guy forces you to choose between him and your girlfriends, it's for one of three reasons: He's selfish and wants all your attention; he doesn't trust you around other men, or he's afraid your girls will convince you he's not good enough. Whatever it is, he's not worth losing friends over.'
- Taariq*, 27
'When my friend gets her heart broken, she goes through a denial period where she'll keep contacting her ex. She thinks he'll eventually want her back, but she's setting herself up for more pain. Reaching out to a guy after a breakup shows you're hung up on him, so you'll be the one he turns to for a booty call when he's horny. If you want him to rethink what he's lost, be scarce. The harder he works to find you, the surer you can be that he cares.'
- Mpumi*, 30
'Every time my friend goes out with someone who doesn't pay for the first few dates, I know it's never going to work out. Unless he's living in a cardboard box, a guy will want to make a good impression by picking up the bill early on in a relationship. If he doesn't grab the bill when it comes - or if he suggests going dutch - he's trying to slide through however many dates it takes to get you into bed while spending as little as possible.'
- Frank*, 28
'My roommate's boyfriend always tries to fix her problems - at work, with her family, etc. She feels like he thinks she's incapable of fighting her own battles. But men are protective of people we give a crap about, and it's easier to express his affection by coming to his girl's rescue than actually saying it out loud. The next time you want to deal with an issue on your own, tell him you have a handle on it but are glad he has your back. He'll feel useful; plus he'll know he's gotten across the point that he loves you.'
- Nathan*, 26
'I have a smart friend who doesn't understand why men pass her over for ditzy girls. But being brainy is a defence for avoiding players - most men go for dumb girls only when they want to get some. If a guy blows you off for a space cadet, it's usually because he thinks you'll see through his game. If he knows you are smart and hits on you, it means he's into you instead trying to get into your pants.'
- Matthew*, 25
*Names have been changed