Score a Date In Six Steps
Suppose you just want to meet a nice, single guy. You’re not looking for wedded bliss and babies – just someone whose company you enjoy and who doesn’t have another girl tucked away somewhere. Suppose what you’d like is someone who might turn into someone special – or not.
No pressure. Why is that so hard? Answer: it’s not! Of course, in life there are no guarantees, but we at COSMO have seen a thing or two in our time. And we know that certain strategies have worked. Here are a few little adjustments you can make to your life to improve your odds.
TWEAK ONE
Review your expectations
Ask yourself: do you want a date or do you want a Calvin Klein model to ask you out? Be honest. The guy you say yes to for dinner on a Saturday night does not have to fulfil the same kind of criteria you might look for in a life partner (or sexual fantasy). He can be shorter, older and less successful. And there may be zero chemistry, but you should still give him a chance. Why? Three reasons. Firstly, you never know what can happen when you start talking to someone. The not-so-perfect guy might turn out to be funny and sweet. Secondly, he could have a cool friend who you would not have met otherwise. Thirdly, he could be invited to a fabulous dinner party and ask you to go with him, and while he fades into the background, you could have a terrific time. (Your perfect guy could be seated across from you on the table!)
Result: Lisa* fell in love with a colleague’s voice during many phone conversations. When they finally met in person, he was definitely not her type – too short and too nerdy. ‘I’d never have given him a second glance (had she seen him before speaking to him),’ she says. ‘But I’d been so looking forward to meeting him and I’d been flirting, so I felt I had to go out with him.’ They’ve been together for three years now.
TWEAK TWO
Alter your usual routine – right now…
Whatever your regular way of doing things is, it’s not getting you what you want. Think about the choices you make and your patterns in life. You may, for instance, have turned down the opportunity to attend a gallery opening because it clashed with the first episode of Desperate Housewives. You may have decided against going to a wedding alone because you are fed up with couples asking whether you’re going to be next. Routines can be ruts disguised as comfort zones. Change them, because they stand between you and a new world of possibilities.
Result: Two women who used to work at COSMO met their men through online dating services. They’re too embarrassed to talk about it, but they’re happy.
TWEAK THREE
Be honest, don’t be cool
If you were looking for a flatmate, you’d cast your net pretty wide. You wouldn’t be ashamed to tell everyone the type of person you were looking for, what your requirements were and what your situation is. Well, dating is pretty much the same – if you let people know you’re looking, great things come your way.
Result: Anna* finally got fed up with telling everyone that she was getting on ‘just fine’ after the break-up of her five-year relationship. She decided to give her book club members a challenge: each of them had to find her a man to date before their next meeting. And it worked – each person she asked found her one reasonable guy to test drive.
TWEAK FOUR
When you spot someone promising, talk to him
You’re more likely to meet someone interesting (and interested) during daylight hours than you are propping up a bar on a Thursday night. Coffee shops and gyms are obvious places to get chatting to someone in a totally non-predatory way, and allow you to test the water and check out his level of interest. But hiding behind a cappuccino won’t do it. You have to get talking. The good news is that it’s easier to engage with an interesting-looking stranger than you think, particularly when it’s outside traditional pickup venues. Asking someone if you can join them for a coffee can become the world’s least stressful date – and you may just find what you’re looking for!
Result: Megan* struck up a conversation with a man who was sitting across the aisle from her on a plane flight. They ended up going out for dinner two days later. They’re married now.
TWEAK FIVE
Say yes to the set-up
There are all kinds of blind dates – and not all of them are sad or desperate. Bright, single guys from out of town sometimes do need to be entertained. Someone’s old friend who has just arrived back from five years in London might need showing around. There’s absolutely no shame in spending an evening with a stranger who’s been recommended by someone respectable. Sometimes people who love you know what’s good for you better than you do yourself. And think of how many of your friends who are in couples met their partner through other friends…
Result: After years of pressure, the brother of a COSMO staffer finally succumbed and went on a date with a girl his mother found for him (‘Her taste has always been awful!’). His mother swore this girl was perfect for him. And she was.
TWEAK SIX
Do the asking yourself
Pluck up the courage to ask a guy out yourself. Usually, if he’s crazy about you, he’ll be sniffing around you like an enamoured Labrador puppy, but sometimes, the thought of asking you out just hasn’t occurred to him. So ask him instead. Turn on your charm, splurge on two tickets to something unreal, and give it a go.
Result: One of the COSMO ladies was lucky enough to win a fancy dinner at the hottest restaurant in town, along with an even fancier sports car to use for the weekend. She knew the man she was interested in was car-crazy and, seeing the gift as a message from above, she crossed her fingers and asked him to go with her. He stayed for the long weekend – and long after the car had been returned.
BONUS TIP
Pull down those walls
Sometimes, as a result of bad experiences they’ve had with other men, some women can become a little bit defensive or withdrawn. The sins of the ex-boyfriend or the rejecting date come back to haunt the next guy they encounter. Without realising it, she may appear aggressive, angry or defeated around him. Guys tend to be attracted to enthusiastic, interested, cheerful women. We know this advice may not be PC, nor is it guaranteed to go down well with everyone, but it is advice that actually works: be COSMO – which means being fun, fearless and confident – and the guys will surely follow.
*Names have been changed