No one really knows how many women Tiger Woods actually slept with. 10? 14? 28? Either way, when he apologised for his behaviour at a press conference which was televised to millions of viewers, we found it difficult to tell whether he truly regretted his actions or whether he was just a well-spoken suit.
Life and relationship coach Shelley Lewin believes the apology to be heartfelt and sincere, simply by analysing his breathing patterns, remorseful facial expression and more importantly the welling in his eyes. These showed signs of regret for his behaviour, she says. ‘But as he so rightly pointed out,’ adds Lewin, ‘saying sorry is meaningless unless it is followed by behaviour that shows an intention and a desire to heal what has been broken.’
Durban psychologist Dr Lynne Campbell-Gillies believes Woods’ apology to be sincere, and pointed out his clear embarrassment and puffy and palid face. It’s anything but full of life, like we’re used to seeing on his golfing shots, she says. ‘It must have been an awfully humbling experience to apologise to the world. However, it was an important first step in gaining back the trust and respect of his wife.’ But, she adds, the apology is simply the first step in a long process of restoring trust in the relationship.
Johannesburg psychologist Dr Diane Preddy agrees and doesn’t believe it was Woods’ duty to speak out about his personal life. But in doing so he showed ‘regret, remorse and a genuine concern about what other people think and feel about him’.
Now that you’ve heard what the experts had to say about Tiger’s apology, how can you tell if your man is being sincere when he’s apologising? Here’s what you should look out for...
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Acknowledgement – It’s a good sign if he is able to recognise what he has done, says Lewin. ‘If he’s not sure why he did it, he will need to see someone to help him understand, otherwise he will continue to repeat the pattern.’
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Understanding – If he understands what he’s done wrong, it will help him to act differently in the future if the temptation should arise again, explains Lewin.
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Responsibility – His willingness to take responsibility for his actions and show consistent support and care towards you to help you heal and overcome the loss of trust is a positive sign that he’s being sincere, says Lewin.
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Transparency – If he’s honest with you about his vulnerability, asks for help and doesn’t try and conceal his feelings of temptation, it shows he’s ready to change, believes Lewin.
Most importantly, says Campbell-Gillies, trust your instincts. ‘If you are in tune with your partner, you will know whether he is walking the talk or not.’
Trusting your instincts is easier than trusting your partner after he’s been dishonest with you. But Lewin doesn’t believe it’s a good idea for you, or your relationship, to hold any permanent grudges.
‘If they’ve done the crime and done the time, it’s time for you to move on too,’ says Lewin. ‘Otherwise you become the persecutor.’