The Locals

Sadly, the date ended like it began. A peck on the cheek, a nice-to-see-you and then we both walked off to our cars.

The initial excitement and nervousness was replaced by anxiety and remorse. I shouldn't have made such a big deal about the cockroach. I should've laughed more at his jokes. Did he even make any jokes? Maybe getting into an esoteric conversation with our tourist guests about reincarnation, astrology and astro-travelling was a little bit too out there for a private school boy? If it was The Secret that had brought him to me, would it be this revelation that took him away? Maybe. And we were such a good astrological match. I'm Virgo. He's Taurus. I really was prepared to take the bull by the horns.

I sent an SMS saying 'Great seeing you and next time drinks are on me'. I haven't heard back. So I was glad to get out last Wednesday night and attend a birthday party at Caveau. Being with my girlfriends and drinking copious amounts of wine has always put all ills right.

At the table next to us were a bunch of Brits. I have always been partial to foreigners; there's something about a man with an accent. My friend, Jenny, jokes that if a man has eaten airplane food in the last 48 hours I will find him. I have fallen in love with men while standing in the queue at Pick 'n Pay just listening to them talk. Of course as soon as they turn around the illusion is shattered, but it was always great while it lasted. I once had a brief affair with a French man just because I liked the way he said my name. After a while the whole accent thing started to feel affected.

But back to the Brits. The guys were eyeing us and we were eyeing them. I took one for the team and tapped the one closest to me.

'Hi, can I borrow your light.'

'Ja, sure hey,' says this straight-out-of-Pretoria accent.

WTF?! False advertising! He was wearing an England Rugby shirt and I would've sworn I heard a British accent. I excused myself to the bathroom and let my friends deal with the local. Thank goodness we aren't all accent-snobs.

On my way back from the loo I saw the damndest thing. I saw Jesus. Seriously. This bloke was sitting with long hair and a beard in a tan-coloured jacket, eating a burger. It always amazes me who people channel and how there really is something for everyone. I can't remember which dead guy said 'One man's meat is another man's poison', but he was right! I have seen umpteen Tom Cruises (personally a bad look at any stage) and lately High School Musical-looking boys, but seeing Jesus was a first. Joan Osborne was right, what if God was one of us?

When I got back to the girls I saw our table had merged with the boys'.

'Lola' Grace shouted. 'Come meet Paul, he's from London'.

Big deal, she's met someone who lives in the same town as the Queen. I just saw the son of God – but he couldn't tell me if Blue-Eyed Boy would call next week.

Author: Lola Riley