S&TSG - The Naked Truth

Welcome to June. Yes, it’s scientifically proven that men find us more attractive in summer, when our pheromones are dancing around like Brendan Cole on a pogo stick. And yes, it’s difficult to feel sexy in winter. It’s definitely tricky to feel in a flirty mood – but not impossible.

Imagine this: you creep from under the duvet, step away from the family-sized tin of Quality Street and brave the outside world. There, you discover a semi-naked male model, magically transported to your front door by gale-force winds, Mary Poppins-style. What do you do? Invite him in to test your mattress springs or tell him politely that you’ll have to decline? After all, it’s chilly June, and this is not the month for sex. Right?

Wrong. I know it’s unlikely that a D&G hunk-in-trunks will come knocking (unless you head out to the Fifa Fan Fests or World Cup stadiums) but that’s no excuse for a defeatist attitude to dating. Mr Right can be found in all manner of places – on the train on your way to a stadium, queuing in the bank to extend an overdraft (‘You’re skint? Me too! We have sooo much in common...’). June doesn’t have to be a man-free month. You just have to look that bit harder to find him and, most importantly be prepared for the moment you do.

Last June, I met Danny – cool, fun, ruggedly sexy – through a friend. I liked him immediately and, by the end of the night, our tonsils were well acquainted. But when he asked me back to his place for a drink, I found myself backing off with excuses of an early start in the morning. For me, sex on a first date is a no-no, but Danny was a test of any woman’s willpower. The real reason I didn’t go back with him was that my body was in no shape for sharing. Murphy’s law dictated that Danny didn’t come into my life when I was at my summertime sexiest. My body hadn’t seen daylight for months and I’d missed a waxing appointment. Typical!

Getting naked in front of a new man is always scary. Doing it in June is truly terrifying. When you’re in a long-term relationship, sex is a given, so you’re always ready. Even if you let your grooming slide, it won’t matter, as he loves you. But sex when you’re single is unpredictable and much more high maintenance.

A straw poll of my male friends reassured me that my concerns were in vain. While women everywhere are busy worrying about lighting plans that will flatter our cellulite, you can guarantee all that’s going through his mind when you strip off is, ‘Wow, she’s actually naked and I’m about to have actual sex with her!’

When it comes to body fascism – I hate to say it, ladies – we’re the guilty ones. A friend of mine recently confessed to a one-night stand with a guy who had such substantial man boobs she almost felt obliged to lend him her bra. Not that he cared – he was getting some action. But with scrutiny like that, it’s no wonder men are becoming the new women, enrolling in the David Beckham school of male grooming. So I think it’s time we took up the old male mantra of enjoying the moment instead of getting side-tracked with body hang-ups. And who knows, this could turn out to be your sexiest June ever. Countless books, films and ageing relatives have taught me that love happens when you least expect it. So expect the unexpected – and book yourself a Brazilian and a spray tan.

Author: Tracy Ramsden