How To Break Even - If You've Broken Up

Whether you've been on a few dates with a man or lived together, there are always financial strings to tie up when you split. Liz Perle, author of Money A Memoir: Women, Emotions, And Cash (Henry Holt and Co.), suggests strategies that allow you – and your money – to move on.

CASH CRISIS #1: 'l paid for some concert tickets just before he dumped me. Can I get the money back from him?'
Go for it! 'Women are often more uncomfortable than men talking about money,' says Perle. 'We don't want to look petty, money-grabbing or greedy. But what do you care what he thinks of you anyway? It's over. Offer him a face-saving way out by reminding him he "might have forgotten" the money he owes you.' If he won't pay you back, the tickets are non-refundable and you don't have another friend to take, why not sell them on Gumtree? You never know, you might end up making a profit.

CASH CRISIS #2: 'We bought some furniture together. I walked out on him, so do I have to say goodbye to that, too?'
'No, you're entitled to half and, since it's you who ended the relationship, you're in a strong position to fight for it,' says Perle. 'If he's hanging on to the furniture, it's for one of two reasons: revenge or compensation. Be careful – if you chase him by phoning him repeatedly, you're giving him the attention he probably wants. Go round there, be clear and direct that you want your stuff (bring a list), then leave.'

CASH CRISIS #3: 'I lent him some money when we got together. Now he's avoiding my calls.'
Perle advises caution here. 'Ask yourself how important the money is. Is it worth R500 or even R1 000 to keep making contact with him? Or are you using the money to keep an emotional connection alive?' Chances are he didn't take care of you in the relationship and this is just a nasty reminder of what a loser he is. You could try writing a letter threatening to sue him in the small claims court for the cash. It might frighten him into paying up, even if you never take things any further.

Author: Kate Massey