http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za/images/cosmo_logo_toolbox.gif Money en-us catherined at cosmopolitan dot co dot za Copyright 2009 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/sweatiquette
I cannot agree more with you. When I go to gym I don’t look left or right, I get on the treadmill and I jog for 20 minutes straight listening to Adam Lambert on my phone. I go to gym to get a workout and to sweat off all the greasy food I eat during the week and yet, there are girls prancing around in barely-there outfits, smiling from ear to ear, having just applied their makeup and shiny lip gloss.

Guys sit on machines chatting up other girls while there is somebody else who wants to use the machine. I am at Planet Fitness and I love the fact that there is an all women section where you can gym and not care who sees you getting down on all fours, squatting and lifting your bum in the air for ab crunches. The sad part though is I am the only one who seems to use this section at night! It is nice and all, but come on, whether you’re skinny or not, people do not want to see you wearing a outfit fit for bed and they definitely do not want to see your flab jumping up and down all over the place.

I just wish people would go to gym for a workout and not to chat up guys/girls.

I hope some of the people that are guilty of this read this!

]]> Wed, 28 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/labour-pains
Everyday I would feel most energetic when I woke up in the morning, but when I got to work, I would feel exhausted by 10am. It made me feel miserable and I hated my job not to mention my ‘work space’. I made a copy of the ‘Ergonomics 101’, and pasted it on my workstation and each time I feel like switching off, I turn to it and see what it is that I need to do.

I gave each colleague of mine a copy and now we are all ‘working happily ever after’. I realised that it’s not the job that I do but it’s how I make use of the space that I work in.

]]> Wed, 28 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/heavy-load
I’m a varsity student studying with UNISA and I’m a partner with my mother in a restaurant. I’m working basically seven days a week every week from about 10am to 9pm (my mom has another business - she is a labour broker) and I’m trying to run the restaurant the best that I can, trying to find time to study in between and still help my mom out at the office.

After reading the ‘Successful But Depressed’ article in the June 2010 issue, I realised I’m seriously overloading myself - and already feeling ‘mentally exhausted’ by 19 will probably just lead me to a nervous breakdown. So, I have decided it’s time to do more things for me.

I’m trying not to get so worked up anymore, trying to manage my time better and leave work issues at work (although it’s very hard).

I would just like to thank COSMO for opening my eyes a bit and giving some awesome advice.

]]> Wed, 28 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/change-is-good
I can relate to Kelly in the sense of her always being compared to and always being in the shadow of Beyoncé. While growing up, I had a very beautiful friend who came from a rich family. I so wanted to be her and have everything she had. Not because I lacked anything, but because I was always being compared to her, even if it was not necessary; at school, by boys and friends. I was told I was pretty, but not as pretty as her. I was told I was intelligent, but not as intelligent as her. As much as I loved her as my friend, inside I was beginning to hate her, not because she did anything to me, but because I felt like I would never be good enough and would always be under her shadow. Sometimes I wished that she could re-locate or something, so that for a change, things can be about me, I can be the pretty one or the intelligent one that had the best phone at school. Guess what? We are young working ladies and I still feel like that.

Kelly said in the article: ‘There was still a bit of success but not what I wanted.’ The article further goes to state that: ‘So she’s making changes.....’

That hit me. I realise that I will never be happy if my happiness is benchmarked on someone else’s happiness. I realise that I will never be content in my life as long as I want my life to be like someone else’s life. For the first time in my life, I just did a hairstyle that she has never done before, that suits me and my features, and I look hot. The thing is, I would copy hairstyles that she would do because they looked good on her, and thinking that if I do the same, they would look good on me too, or even better than her.

It’s a long road to change, but I will take it a step at a time. My next step is to buy clothes that I like and that flatter me. I will stop buying clothes that she buys. I will also start jogging instead of going to gym. I hate the gym, it was never for me, but I just did it so I could be on her level. There are other things that I’m planning to change, but I will be taking it a step at a time.

Kelly has helped me start the process of appreciating myself and believing in myself. I have been inspired to deal with my own demons, before ‘I invite someone into all that’s going on’. I realise that I’m beautiful according to my own standards and as a first rate version of myself.

Thank you COSMO for giving me the confidence to come out of my shell....

]]> Wed, 28 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/scam-alert
We are shocked that and appalled that these scammers would abuse the COSMPOLITAN brand, and we sincerely apologise for any inconvenience or discomfort this may have caused our readers.

Please be aware that these individuals are in no way associated with COSMOPOLITAN or Associated Magazines. We will never ask you intimate questions telephonically; the only place we will request private information from you is in the form of online surveys on www.cosmopolitan.co.za.

Also, the only time you will receive a telephone call from us is to inform you that you have won one of our competitions.

We would like all readers to please be aware of this scam and not divulge sensitive information telephonically.

Once again, to the readers who have been subjected to this scam, we sincerely apologise.

Megan Kakora
COSMO Online Editor ]]> Tue, 27 Jul 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/cyber-minefield
Before long, I found myself flirting with them, having intimate virtual dances and an abundance of other activities, all the time telling myself it wasn’t me, it’s just my avatar, and that anything I did in the game was not me, it was just my alter ego, Opheliac, doing her thing. That was until my fiancé started getting uncomfortable with my interactions and the amount of time I was spending online chatting to my so-called ‘friends’. I also soon found myself confiding in them and ranting about my fiancé when he did something I wasn’t happy about and definitely not painting the picture of the abundant love I actually had for him. It was just too easy to type away. I suddenly found that I was talking to one of my guy friends outside of Second Life and had him on my MSN and Yahoo - we would chat at work, as well on Second Life – but it had stopped being a game and had moved into my real life.

It was soon after I got married and fell pregnant that I realised my innocent flirtations were not so innocent and that when I felt my fiancé wasn’t giving me enough attention, I ran to Second Life where my sexy alter ego was getting more than enough attention to satisfy my ego and own needy self. I nearly lost the man of my dreams to something or someone that I had never met and shared a couple of keystrokes with. Today, I am more aware of how I talk to people online and clearly state my limits and intentions before going further - and if they don’t like it – I don’t have to talk to them.
]]> Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/dream-job
I dreaded days that I needed to walk to a manager and hand over my CV, and at interviews, I was even worse. If I didn’t start laughing, I would stutter so badly that no one could make out a word that I was saying.

At my last interview, (which happened to be a dream job I was applying for) I promised myself to stay calm and collected, and even if they did consider me right for the job, that I would persevere, even if it meant that I would have to go without a salary for a while and work as an unpaid rep. It just so happened that they did not want to appoint me, but when I asked them whether I could work for them, even if they did not pay me, they could not believe how badly I wanted this job, and in the end, they appointed me for it.

Thank you COSMO for giving me the confidence and motivation to land my dream job!
]]> Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/double-d
I’m 22 and I, myself have a cup size of 32 DD and I know exactly how Taylor Roberts feels. I never get the right bra that gives me support, as well as the sexiness I would like to feel. Whenever I go bra shopping I dread it. I usually come out with a sour disposition because a retailer where I live (that would be Potchefstroom) never has my cup size, and if they do, it never fits me right. I’m not even going to mention swimwear, because I’ve never found one that fits me as it should. I usually end up wearing a 36.

My sisters and I have the same problem - although they have taken care of it. I still have the problem, and my boyfriend is no help at all! He believes in the saying ‘bigger is better’, and in this case, it definitely isn’t!

My back pain is so severe sometimes that I get migraines and I have to lie upside down of the edge of the bed to get rid of the pain in my back. I have always joked with my friends that one day when I make mine smaller I would give them some of mine. Girls with smaller breasts are far better off. I would give anything for a C-cup or even a D. But, being a student, that will only
happen one day when I get a job and I save for it.

Thanks for showing me I’m not the only female that would like to make her cup size smaller because all my guy and girlfriends don’t get it, especially not my boyfriend!
]]> Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/kinky-thoughts
Never ever would I have guessed what women out there were thinking when it comes to sex. Not only do I feel normal and unafraid of my kinky thoughts and what I do in the bedroom, but I also realise that women out there are really speaking their minds and letting their men know what they want and when they want it.

It’s quite liberating to see that COSMO women all over the world are not afraid to experiment and not afraid to get the satisfaction that they deserve.

I say to all COSMO women out there: good for you for taking the survey and it’s about time all you liberated women start speaking up!

Long Live COSMO!
]]> Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/toad-in-the-hole
As a Jo’burg girl in my thirties, I’ve met a variety of pond life, and have noticed certain amphibians wreaking havoc. These are the toads in frog clothing. I have countless girlfriends who let toads take advantage of them in the most despicable fashion possible - cheating, abuse, and all sorts of slimy behaviour. And yet, because they’re in love with these men, they put up with their behaviour in spite of all the red flags, trusting that their love will eventually change their man. But it doesn’t.

So love your frogs, girls, but beware of the toads – don’t become the next fly on the lily pad!
]]> Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/getting-over-him
We became friends and as much as I flirted, he flirted back but never actually made a move. Eventually I told him how I felt and he responded saying that he feels the same way but he is confused about another girl he met a year ago who is coming down from overseas to work with him.

I was devastated, however, a few days later we hooked up and he choose me. Everything was absolutely amazing. The stars shone brighter. I wanted to spend every minute with this fun, intelligent, adorable gentleman. We were perfect… until the girl arrived. He dumped me and told me we should still be friends.

I felt heartbreak for the first time in my life. I didn't understand how incredibly painful it could be, until it hit me so hard I could barely breathe. Everything that I was living for was swept out from under my feet and I could not imagine a life without him. What now? I did everything in my power to stay friends with him while I was pushing through the pain of trying to understand why he did not want to be with me. He told me he was happy the day before he left me. Until I found out he was dating her. He told me, after I screamed at him and told him I don't want anything to do with him, that he never left me for her and that he never lied to me.

Well, it has taken a long time to feel again and I read the article in the April issue of COSMO entitled ‘How To Get Over a Man.’ I was utterly amazed to see that I had gone through every step described in this article. I blamed myself and to an extent still do. I tried to understand his side of the story but he did lie to me and he left me for her. I have been depressed for a while now and the worst part is that I have to see them together everyday. I am being positive and focusing on work. I forced myself to go out with my friends and as much as I did not want to, it was great. I just wanted to thank you for showing me that my experience was not nearly out of the ordinary and it made things a lot easier when I finally realised that everyone goes through it and there will be someone better on the other side of the sadness and feeling of loss.

I will survive and I will be happy again without him in my life.
]]> Fri, 23 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/small-pond-syndrome
I'm 30 years old, I've been working for five years and I've got two children. I desperately need a car because I work in Johannesburg and I'm from Durban. My children leave in different locations. My daughter stays in Pietermaritzburg and my son in Verulam. People who are familiar with Kwazulu-Natal will know how far away those two places are from each other.

Once or twice a month, I fly to Durban on Friday to see my kids because I work from Monday to Friday. If I fly on Friday night, there's no way I can go to Verulam or Pietermaritzburg on the same day. I'll have to wake up in the morning and take taxis to Pietermaritzburg and then back to Durban and take another taxi to Verulam and by that time, the day is gone! I'd have spent all of Saturday on the road and on Sunday I have to go back to Johannesburg.

So after reading the ‘Do You Have Small-Pond Syndrome?’ article (May 2010), I felt that I have outgrown the place I'm in and hate not having a car. I’ve made a decision and I’m sticking to it. I said to myself, for two months I'm not going to eat out. I will only pay for my accommodation and pay for my kids’ school fees until I get R10 000 for my car deposit.

Thank you COSMO for giving me the oomph!!!
]]> Fri, 23 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/know-your-place
So, finally I faced the issue head-on and we discussed it and he acknowledged that he understood me. But he still carried on! And for a long while (about two months), I thought that our relationship was over. I didn’t realise it until I read this article. Because he was my first big love and I was the one (after the nightmare ex-girlfriend), we were going to take the relationship to the next level and I believed for a long time that he would be my partner for the rest of my life.

Now I know that it was because of this that made it so hard to let him go. I feel like a part of me hasn’t as of yet - there is still that flicker of hope that he will come to his senses, but I don’t want to wait for that any longer. I realised that as much as you may be the one after the one, your partner might be the nightmarish one after the perfect one... so it is such a mess.

I love him and I will probably always love him, but loving him through everything made me realise that I have an enormous capacity to love and I love hard and passionately for a long time. I can wait for the next love to come into my life. I know that love is something that we should treasure, but if someone is not contributing to the positive values and happiness anymore, then we have to be brave enough to let him or her go.

I found out that knowing your place will enable you to better know the course of your relationship and determine whether you are on the same path or not.
I can safely say (from experience) that a relationship ends long before a break-up and that’s the difference between having a solid foundation to fix whatever has gone wrong or accept the loss and move on.
]]> Fri, 23 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/the-ugly-truth
I couldn’t stop laughing while reading ‘The Ugly Truth’ (April 2010). While the Upfront Woman articles have had me in stitches before, never have I read one that hit so close to home. I was in a long-term relationship with a beautiful man. I call it a relationship because only recently did I come to the realisation that what we had was more of an extended fling.

Yes, his being prettier than me was uncomfortable, but it was his lack of effort towards making the ‘relationship’ work that was the real bother. He expected me to be grateful when he made that odd phone call or rare appearance. Although I was the one to finally break things off, it wasn’t much me ending a relationship than it was me refusing to settle for less than I’m worth.
]]> Fri, 23 Apr 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/moving-on
Birth is a truly joyous and happy occurrence in our lives. Unfortunately, mine was short-lived. Just three days after having my baby, the most wonderful, caring and passionate person in my life passed away: my mum. She was the one whose example set my course to be a woman, wife and mum. When this happened, I shut myself off into a world of hurt and despair. I lost my passion to live and love.

Then, reading the article in COSMO made me realise that I needed to get out of this burrow of sorrow. Life was out there to be lived, loved and enjoyed with my family and friends. My husband needed a wife and my kids, a mother.

I said to myself: ‘Mourning is okay, but it's up to me to make the decision to challenge myself to be a fun, fearless, female.’

‘Move On,’ number 10 on COSMO’s last page; ‘How To Handle Criticism’ is now my daily mantra.

I owe my fresh pair of living-large eyes to COSMO.

Thanking you sincerely,
Once lost, now found.
]]> Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/tackling-the-couple-kilos
Two years ago, my boyfriend moved in with me and I found that we were both gaining a few kilos and losing it was tougher than we thought. Needless to say, the weight was just piling on. I was confident and loved dressing to impress, but after gaining weight, I lost that confidence and didn’t enjoy dressing up any more.

After reading the article, I immediately put together a weight-loss plan as well as an exercise plan. My boyfriend and I both follow the plans and we find that exercising together is way more fun than we thought.

Thanks COSMO, this article helped me get my confidence back. I have already lost a kilo, and needless to say, we now lead a much healthier lifestyle!
]]> Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/inslimniac
After going to the shops to buy a few things, one of my colleagues asked me why I spend so much money on a magazine. I told her that COSMO is not just any mag; it’s a part of my life. I wouldn't know what I would do without it!

I'm an avid COSMO reader, but I have to say, I really love your March 2010 issue. There are so many topics I can identify with: from your article, ‘Are You An ‘Inslimniac’? to your section on Budget Buys, your Sealed Sex section and dieting with your live-in partner.

At the end of February, I was really down, especially in my current job, but after reading my COSMO (cover to cover of course), I actually feel like I can take on this month with new confidence and find the passion that I had when I started this job!

I’ve even got my boyfriend hooked - I have to fight for my mag!

Before I go on and on, I just have to say: Well done, keep up the awesome work!
]]> Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/feeling-flat-no-more
I lost my passion for things that make me a person, suddenly shopping, cooking and my love life were things I was just doing and not thinking about or enjoying. Sometimes everyday pressures make you forget what you are truly passionate about.

Your article made me realise that I need to find the passion I had for life and light up my life.

Thanks COSMO.
]]> Tue, 02 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/get-your-mojo-back The content and articles were fantastic! The last issue of COSMO that I read was in 2008 and, all I can say is, I was pleasantly surprised with the latest issue.  Almost every article answered so many of the mind-baffling questions that I was losing precious sleep over. The article entitled 'Feeling Flat? Get your Mojo Back!' (March 2010) was breathtaking and was exactly what I needed in my life.  My husband had spinal surgery recently and this issue, as well as tips in the Sexpert advice section, have helped us tremendously!
 
Keep up the wonderful work; I can’t wait to get my hands on the next issue! Thank you!
]]> Tue, 02 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/happily-ever-after  
So when you go for your first wax or grate your shin while shaving, you deal with it in horror alone in your bathroom and hide the pain, come up with excuses for the plasters on your legs or tights in heart of summer.
 
Then, of course come relationships. Now, someone could have warned us then that this was going to be more difficult - almost impossible - to recover from at first. I read your article ‘Ex-it Strategy’ and I took a moment to digest it all as my memory played it back to me. I am sure thousands of women (regardless of relationship status) can relate to this. This article made me sigh and laugh as I recognised myself in so many ways - and realised how true it all is. I am one who burns the pictures, throws away the dresses and clears out – packs up and moves on (literally). But emotionally, I am still standing at the closed door. Even though I was out meeting new people, re-doing the hair, clothes and apartment, I relived the good memories. But, like an old scar, I remember why it’s there and when it happened, but the pain is gone. So, reading this article was like I could recall the scars on my heart, the memory of how it got there and the exhilarating emotions I felt. Then the pick-me-ups I used to nurse it whole again. I am still whole and, like your article says ‘during one of the foetal-position episodes I had a realisation; he was everywhere, but not in my heart.’
 
Thanks for making us (women) see that it is okay to mourn the hurt, that we are not alone and it is normal to go through the emotion, and that eventually we emerge ‘in-dependent’ again, without the bitterness or pain. The fairytale is not happily ever after with the prince, but happily ever after with ourselves and if he is strong enough to melt our hearts, he is strong enough to hold us. And if not, we hold our own!
 
Happy Valentine’s Day COSMO!
 
PS. Those 8 difficult relationships were so true, I had a laugh-a-minute as I put at least one face to each situation. We can admit that life is colourful with all of these curveballs; we just need the strength to have the sense to deal with it in an adult way. Sometimes it’s best to laugh and walk away, leave the room or sit at the head of the table and make a statement you believe in (even if only you believe in it!).
]]> Tue, 02 Mar 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/exit-strategy
See, like many females, I too have felt the heartache and turmoil of an evil male whom I’d dedicated my life, my sanity, my virginity (and lavish gifts) to for over 4 years, only to be left, for no real reason, except that in his mind, I made him miserable.

Plagued by memories, dreams and thoughts upon thoughts,  I pulled myself together! Well, at least I thought I did. Nine months later when he informed me that he was getting married (yes, you read correctly!) all those feelings that I had bottled up came rushing out like a bat out of hell, so I broke all contact. Then my best friend informed me that he was going to be his best man.
I just couldn't get away, it was as if the world was against me. As Beth says in the article: ‘Foetal position. Rocking. Corner. You get the picture'. I cried, I screamed, and of course, I drank, but I could not rid myself of the thought of him and the painful scar that he'd left on me.

Then I read this ‘Trying to rid yourself of the past is a present-tense action, which means that I - not life - was the one keeping him in my now.’

Thank you COSMO, and particularly, thank you Beth Adams! Your article got me over a tremendous hurdle. I realised that I was the one that put it there in the first place.

Now, I can smile again and carry on being a fun, fearless, female. 

Keep up the terrific work!

*Name has been changed

]]> Tue, 26 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/eye-opener
Live and love every day as it comes, concentrate on the present, and work on relaxing. Your new guy will notice when you feel comfortable and safe around him. And don't forget to be yourself. Every girl wants to have that special guy in their life that they can look him deep in his eyes, and say ‘I love you.’
]]> Tue, 26 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/complexion-issues  
My sister used to tease me by saying that when I was born I was so black I looked like a lump of coal. One of my uncles even gave me a nickname, ‘Blacky.’ I am now nineteen-years-old and he still subjects me to this same ridicule that I experienced when I was younger.
 
The teasing affected me so much that I started using my mother’s skin creams such as Ponds, Palmers Skin Success and Clear Essence. This did not help me as I had extremely sensitive skin. As a result, I experienced various types of skin rashes, which have scarred me for life.
 
I’m sure my doctor knew what was really causing my skin problems, but I always blamed it on the heat and on my alleged allergy to meat, so he prescribed various types of medications for me, which led to me spending half of my life in the sick bay at boarding school.
 
The sister who teased me was born very light-skinned. She is still lighter than me, yet she still uses skin-lightening creams such as Caro Light. She claims that she doesn’t want to get darker so she needs to maintain her lightness. Another excuse is that she wants the tanned areas of her body to be the same colour as the rest of her body. I can’t remember which program we were watching, either France 24, 3 Talk with Noleen, Oprah, or Tyra, where they were talking about the adverse effects of skin-lightening creams and how much damage they can cause. My sister automatically started defending her use of these products, which shows that people really don’t want to admit their use of such products.
 
I found the statement, ‘…men often claim they don’t want to take the chance that their offspring will have dark skin,’ amusing, as I’ve noticed that it is usually the most dark-skinned men who are after the lighter-skinned women. My father married a light-skinned woman, but still had dark-skinned children.
 
It really shocked me to notice the extremes that we women go to for acceptance. I have seen women whose skin has started to look yellow from the excessive use of lightening creams and I pray that my sister becomes wiser soon.
 
As a dark-skinned girl, I found that I always had to work harder than my light- skinned peers, whether it was winning a teacher’s attention or a boy’s. But I have learnt to love who I am and to appreciate what I have. There is nothing wrong with being light-skinned, but I agree that our society should not expect every black woman to be light-skinned.
 
People are different and every one is unique. That is how our creator intended the world to be. Ignorance is still a disease in our community, one which we really need to be cured of fast.
 
I have to say that I really enjoy watching shows like Nokia Face of Africa, where the girls are truly natural and truly African, whether light or dark, and the competition is fair. I have learnt to love my dark skin and I now know how to make it work for me to the best of its ability. I am a fun, fearless, fabulous female and no complex(ion) issue is going to stop me from loving life any longer!

]]> Tue, 26 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/deeply-disturbed  
I’m disturbed. And not in that inevitable way that happens when you’ve just put a large spoonful of decadent chocolate soufflé in your mouth and this is the moment the waitress chooses to come to ask if everything is to your liking. I’m disturbed in the full sense of the word.
 
In your article, ‘Truly, madly, deeply disturbed’ (January 2010) the only thing truly disturbing seems to be the common misconceptions of mental illness by the general public.
 
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (also called ‘manic depression’ in the ‘90s) some 11 years ago, before Britney and before it became the ‘go-to disease’ of choice. It has affected absolutely every aspect of my life to date, my relationships with others in particular - most recently, with the dissolution of my long-term relationship with a man that simply didn’t understand what the disease is all about and didn’t quite know how to handle my ‘low moods’. My doctors have tried (and are still trying) numerous medications in hope of finding the right ‘cocktail’ in order to help me function relatively normally. But occasionally I still find myself at the receiving end of a bad day. It usually goes hand in hand with staying in my PJs all weekend and feeling nauseous when looking in the mirror. For the last 12 months I’ve also had the sickening pleasure of developing crippling migraines.
 
This is, however, not my biggest problem with the disease. The general misconceptions and casual ‘light-hearted’ manner in which the general public approach the disease with, is. If I had 50c for every time I heard someone say ‘So-and-so must be bipolar, they’ve been acting really strangely lately’, I would be holidaying in Bali every other month! I suppose that is what the world has come to though. When we see someone who has lost a significant amount of weight and looks gaunt, we find ourselves thinking ‘Could he have Aids?’ or when a friend comments that her hair is falling out at an alarming rate we speculate as to whether it might be the big C!
 
People are so terribly cynical these days, but worst of all with all the technology and information right at our fingertips, we’re still so uninformed. Is it simply easier to believe the hype, or are we just so self-involved that important things, like for example, the facts, simply do not matter?

There are two groups of people (in my opinion) that are largely to blame for this; that strange phenomenon known as celebrity, and the even stranger species known as the paparazzi. Every time a young star goes out on the town followed by a very public head-shaving incident, it is said that they’re bipolar, which, in Britney’s case seems to actually be true, but the rest are simply acts of spoilt adolescence by youngsters who have been thrust into the spotlight. Not all bipolar sufferers are train wrecks: Sylvia Plath, the author of some hauntingly beautiful prose was bipolar, as well as the very talented Vivien Leigh and Patty Duke. The ‘darkness’ that came with bipolar somehow gave them more depth and range in their respective arts.
 
Ludwig Von Beethoven, Vincent Van Gogh, Mark Twain, Kurt Vonnegut, Virginia Woolf, Winston Churchill, Theodore Roosevelt, Jimi Hendrix - all with a fine-tuned sensitivity and all suffering from this disease.
 
Life is radically different to what it was 50 years ago; there are more pressures to face, both internally and externally. Even my grandparents don’t understand why these days ‘practically everyone’ is bipolar! In future, I truly hope that people would be more sensitive before making assumptions and judgements regarding someone’s mental state. Not everything is always as it seems looking from the outside in.

*Name has been changed
]]> Tue, 26 Jan 2010 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/toy-o-boy
What I love most about COSMO is the sex articles. And this month's (July) issue was no different. My fiancé and I like to experiment when it comes to sex, toys and role playing. It's one of the things that have kept our relationship alive an exciting.

So as I paged through my COSMO this month and got to the Sealed Sex Section with the toys, my fiancé almost sat on top of me to see. I must admit I already have three of the exact same toys you have in the section, a couple of role play outfits, movies, magazines and lubricant.

But to be educated like this always gives us something new to try. So I must thank COSMO for my very healthy and exciting sex life. Keep it up and please! Keep us entertained
]]> Tue, 11 Aug 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/pity-parties
Imagine my surprise a couple of weeks ago when I was notified by a very persistent member of the ubber awesome COSMO team that I had won a makeover with Wella and COSMOPOLITAN magazine. I will never forget walking in and catching the eye of the super efficient makeover artiste with her quiet smile – she knew exactly what she was going to do. She welcomed me and made me feel very comfortable and was offered a cappuccino that rivalled the Italian Coffee Shops in Milan. It was very important to her that I was happy with what she was going to do.

While she mixed her colours I was whisked away to meet an unusually gifted photographer – gifted because of her ability to see past the long lens and deep into my very soul. It was also important to her to bring out the true me.

After the Magic Wella products were foiled and spread onto my hair, imagine my surprise when I was offered a head and neck and upper back massage by the wonderful lady washing my hair. Something so menial turned out to be one of the highlights. Her pride in this labour of love was magnificent. It was important to her that I felt transformed, and I was. This is apparently a treat the high-end salons offer.

My next delight was the makeup artist who had been listening to my chatter and promptly gave me "the Cleopatra look" – whilst shutting first one eye then the other in her pursuit of happiness (painting the perfect canvas). The genius photographer also took a keen interest in me and even suggested I study drama part-time as I was clearly an actress of note. My angelic hair stylist kept her eye on all of us and made sure she checked my hair before the final shots. I, of course, loved the camera and the added gift of Wella products to keep my hair beautiful.

I realized that luck and timing are all very important, but it is the beauty in the soul within that makes all the difference. Anyone can orchestrate a makeover but nobody can transform and make-a-woman-over like the COSMO team. To the COSMO HR Department – I salute you for finding these gems!

Thank you for making me look and feel like a brazillion dollars. No more Pity Parties for me!
]]> Tue, 11 Aug 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/life-support
This is when I realised that I should go for a First Aid course, but to my luck, I read "Life Support" in the July 09 issue which gave me all the basic tips I need. Who would have ever thought you could learn all this from COSMO! I can't wait to see what's in store for me to learn in the next issue.

Thanks for all the tips and interesting articles. I loved every page!
]]> Tue, 11 Aug 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/best-of-both-worlds When your Country Hates the Man You Love (June 2009). It was brilliantly written to enlighten and educate not only South Africans, but the human race at large about xenophobia in all its forms.

Thank you for entertaining, informing and, at the same time, educating us. I mean, what would life be without COSMO? ]]> Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/its-all-about-me I realised then that my entire life had revolved around him.

Reading the article Please Yourself, Please (June 2009), I have rebuilt my confidence level and come to realisation that there's nothing wrong with saying no. I have picked up the pieces and am building a stronger me.

Thank you COSMO for the excellent advice. ]]> Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/xenophobic-south-africans
I am dating a Zambian guy and during the xenophobic attacks last year his father decided he should return to Zambia. He could not finish his studies.

His father was very reluctant of him to return to South Africa this year, but decided he should finish studying. Although he had to live with relatives in Pretoria, we still dating but it's long distance. I just don't understand why people can be so cruel to their fellow brothers and sisters. I don't get what kind of human being can do this even to children who have not harmed a soul. These groups of South Africans have brought international shame and I am ashamed of what they are doing while the rest of the world perceives us as xenophobic.
]]> Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/cosmo-girlfriend COSMOPOLITAN!

With the economic crises we find ourselves in today, it's a little challenging to still splurge on the luxuries. So when my husband surprised me with this month's fabulous COSMO, a deep sense of appreciation filled my heart. As I opened the wrapping and smelled the glossy pages, before I even reached the index I knew I was in for a treat. Then I took a good look at all the wonderful COSMO people who have made my luxury a reality. Thank you so much Editors, Managers, Producers, Designers, Executives, Receptionists, PA's, Librarians, Controllers, Coordinators, Archivists, Publishers, Chairman and Assistants for a remarkable magazine!

It's so hard to compliment any specific article as all are so informative and educational! The Your Chemical Romance (June 2009) article appealed to me; as I ravished it, I realised I'm the 'slow burner' and my partner the 'big bang', so when I turned the page to find opposites attract i was delighted at its accuracy! COSMO, you are my best girlfriend giving me tips and advice on make-up, fashion trends, relationships, career guidance and even hairstyles... Giving me that boost of confidence that lasted long after I've indulged COSMO cover-to-cover, thank you for the inspiration to be my very best and to have fun... to be a fearless, fabulous female! Thank you my best friend!! ]]> Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/tripping-with-cosmo
What a way to spend a weekend. ]]> Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:00 +0200 http://www.cosmopolitan.co.za//CosmoWorld/ReadersLetters/hey-cosmo
Here's to lots more COSMOs! ]]> Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:00 +0200