The Other Man
For a while, when I was single and so was he, I flirted with the idea of taking a friendship with a great man pal 'one step beyond' (or 'to the next level' - any of those clichés).
Let's call him Man B because, if my life were a romcom (and not the sitcom it has turned out to be) Man B would be a cute name for a male lead, don't you think?
On paper and in life Man B is funny and educated, and handsome in a smartarse kind of way. He remains just on the right side of chippy and, even though he was born slap-bang into the bull's-eye of the European establishment, he maintains an outsider's disrespect for pretty much everything he comes across. He was (and is) cool. Back then he was just my type. And, if you can ever be certain of these girl-boy things, it seemed I was his type back then, too.
But yet 'it' never ignited. Perhaps the timing was off. Perhaps the chemistry just wasn't there. In the end we turned, I think, into one of each other's roads not taken. He took one path and I took another.
And with regards to the road I took, I have been rather delighted with my life. I love my family and my work, adore Cape Town, believe in South Africa, travel enough and (give or take the unhappy results of a chocolate cheesecake or 50) I'm content with the body that carries me through each day. I have even, it seems, grown out of my obsession with overpriced handbags. It's all turned out well.
His path was rather different from mine. His took him to an Oscar, life in the Hollywood Hills and screeeeeeeech! (honestly, really screech - you should have heard me when our mutual friend alerted me to that development) a life with one of the TV actresses that I actually have rather a crush on myself. And while our friend told me about their shiny life I wondered, just for a second, what life would have been like had I said 'yes!' instead of 'don't be ridiculous' that night I hopped into a London cab and sped home instead of er, hopping onto him...'
What would life have been like had one thing led to another, and had I landed up the Oscar-winner's wife? For just a second, I swear, I saw cartoon designer dresses, private jets and seven-star resorts tweeting around my head in the style of birdies in a '70s Betty And Veronica comic.
Oh good grief.
I'm sure that many of you also have your own 'what-ifs'. It's tempting to dream occasionally of an alternative life, to fantasise of what could have been had you just taken The Other Option. Listen. Here's what I've learnt about that magical thinking:
1) In life, there are no only 'good' or 'bad' outcomes. If you make your decisions for good reasons (such as bravery creativity heart, soul and faith), life will reward you in its customary way: with a mixture of good and bad. Happiness and tragedy. Success and failure. Enough of the bad to make you grateful for the good. And 2) I would not be happy in Hollywood wearing Spanx on a daily basis.
Yes. That's all. It's really as simple as that.
* You know what? Even writing that, after all these years, just sounds wrong. It was the wrong road. I made the right choice.