It's bad enough when life hits you with a wallop. But why does it so often go for the double whammy? Case in point: Giuliana Rancic is desperate for a baby, but has suffered miscarriages and can't seem to fall pregnant. Then she finds out she has breast cancer. Poor Giuliana is far from the only woman to be cosmically kicked at a vulnerable moment. 'It's definitely true that in terms of adversity, when it rains, it pours,' says Dr Andrew Shatté, co author of
The Resilience Factor (Three River Press). 'But you can stem the flood and gain control.' In fact, you may be more in charge of your bad luck than you think. The trick is knowing how to turn it around.
| Disaster Domino Effects |
Experiencing multiple traumas seems unfair, but before you start the pity party ask yourself, 'Could I have caused any of those complications?' Sure, fate plays a hand in some raw deals (like cancer), but we often have a role in other things going wrong (bad relationships or debt, for example). Identifying your contribution keeps you from thinking the planets are aligned against you. You also may find that the initial problem influenced your subsequent setbacks. 'Stress can make you take your eye off the ball and become more vulnerable,' says a psychologist, Rob Smith. Maybe you were in such a daze after your boss yelled at you that you left work with your bag wide open, and that's why your wallet was stolen. Or you were so zonked from caring for your mom after her heart attack that you didn't pay the rent on time, so your landlord won't renew your lease. It's doubly true health-wise: Stress weakens your immune system, making you more likely to add a second woe by getting sick, depressed, or staying injured for longer.
Sometimes a bad break motivates you to make positive, though painful, changes. 'I call it "inspirational dissatisfaction",' says clinical psychologist Dr Maryann Troiani, co-author of Spontaneous Optimism. 'The sadness or anxiety from a crisis causes you to ask yourself what you really want in life.' That, plus the feeling that you have nothing to lose, spurs you to dump what's been bringing you down, whether it's a bad job or your crazy roommate. |
| Preventing Paranoia |
| Healing Your Wounds |
| Into The Future |