Don't Fall For It
He may seem friendly, but that doesn't mean he won't turn nasty. An attacker could use your kindness against you, so wise up.
'Women are raised to be helpful, so they don't generally suspect that they could be led into an attack scenario when someone who "seems nice" asks for their assistance,' says Sanette Smit, COSMO's self-defence expert. That's why the confidence style of attack is so popular. A man first speaks to you politely to gain your trust before launching into an attack. 'The danger is that, because the would-be attacker doesn't approach you in a threatening manner, he catches you off guard,' she says. 'Because you don't feel threatened, you're at ease and relaxed – the perfect setup for rape.'
ALL SMILES
'Usually, this kind of attacker asks for your help. He'll approach you in a kind, non-threatening way,' says Smit. He may come to your house and ask for directions, or he could stop you in the supermarket and ask for help with choosing something. Later, in the parking lot, he may come closer and, recognising him from earlier, you let down your guard. 'Another possible scenario: you spot the same man jogging past you every morning, and each day you greet each other,' says Smit. 'In this way, he's gained your trust and you may even feel that you know him.'
PLAN OF ACTION
'The minute you recognise a potential confidence-style attack, redirect,' says Smit. So if he arrives at your door and needs to use the phone urgently, redirect him by telling him it is out of order and he should try the public phone down the street. If he asks you the way to somewhere, redirect him by telling him that you don't live in the area… tell him to ask the man across the road. 'If he launches into an attack, hit the body target areas that are closest to you, preferably the eyes and groin,' says Smit.
TYPICAL SCENARIOS
According to Smit, these three examples of attacks are common:
1. A well-respected (possibly married) male colleague rapes you one night while the two of you are alone in the office.
Without being alarmist, the reality is that any time you're alone with a man, there is the possibility of rape, says Smit. Once you sense the energy between you changing, try to talk your way out of the situation, and make an excuse to leave. If he does attack you, act quickly. 'Avoid negotiating in your head,' says Smit. 'You need all of your energy to deal with the attack, so avoid thinking things such as, "Why is he doing this to me? He knows me. What have I done wrong?'' And don't blame yourself,' she says. Don't feel bad, just because you know him, about hurting him. After all, he is trying to rape you.
2. While walking alone, you're attacked by a stranger. Seeing your distress, another man comes to your defence, scaring the assailant away. He offers to take you to the police station and, scared and vulnerable, you trust the man who has just rescued you. Abusing this confidence, he rapes you.
'The chances are that a woman in this situation would genuinely believe that she was going to be helped,' says Smit. 'It's just an example of the lengths to which a rapist using the confidence pattern will go.' She suggests that you target his face and groin, punching and kicking as hard as you can.
3. You're waiting for the lift to reach your floor. When it opens, there's a man inside alone. He politely asks, 'Going up or down?' As you enter the lift, you reply, 'Down please.' Once the door has closed, he pushes the basement button and grabs you by the throat, pushing you against the side of the lift. Once you reach the basement, he rapes you.
To prevent this scenario, when the lift door opens, ask yourself whether you trust the person inside enough to be alone with him. 'Better yet, don't get into the lift at all,' says Smit. 'Rather say: "It's okay, you go – I'm waiting for a friend." If you get into the lift and realise it was a mistake, push the buttons for all the floors. The lift doors will open on every floor, making it difficult for your attacker to continue.'