Wisdom From a Tattoo Artist's Chair

Tattoo artist Ethel Laka has been asked some pretty weird questions during her time in the studio. And carried out a few, rather strange requests...

'When I was in Scotland doing my apprenticeship, we did all sorts of awkward, funny things, including plenty of genital tattoos,' says Laka. People would just bear it all, she adds. 'The most hilarious tattoo I've ever done though was the word "Bang'" on a dude's pubic area,' she says. And the silliest? 'Braille,' she says. These guys were not blind, she explains, they just thought it made them look cool. Not so much.

If you're thinking of getting inked, these are the questions you shouldn't ask a tattoo artist. Read Laka's answers to the questions she gets asked almost every day:

Q: 'Does it hurt?'
This warrants a sarcastic answer: Uh, no. But of course it hurts. Basically, it's nothing excruciating, it's more of an uncomfortable feeling.

Q: 'Has somebody ever stopped halfway and couldn't handle it?'
Of course they have!

Q: 'Can you numb it for me?'
Heck no…

Q: 'So, you do the ladies?'
Because I'm a woman, people ask questions like this. No, I do dogs, cats, pigs, anything.

Q: 'Do you watch Miami Ink?'
Artists hate being asked that question. Yes, we've seen it. I must say, the programme has helped break down some tough walls and serious opinions when it comes to tattoos. But now we have pessimists getting tattooed and justifying their new ink with the death of a family member, an illness or their religious beliefs. Moms are letting their young kids get tattoos simply because it's a cross or the name of deceased family member.

Q: 'Do you do penises too?'
I tell them yes, but I charge a handling fee. On a serious note, South Africans are very conservative, so since I've been back in the country, I haven't had much of that.

Q: 'How much will a full back tattoo cost?'
This is a silly question. Tattoos vary by design size and intricacy, so giving a quotation based on a question like this is almost impossible. It's best to work on a design first.

Q: 'So, you tattoo? How do you do it?'
When they ask this, they do so by looking at me with such awe and wonder. I begin my education seminar with: A needle and a tattoo machine.

'I've decided to charge for each question,' Ethel laughs. 'All said and done, not all customers ask silly questions.

When you walk into a tattoo parlour, you should feel welcomed. People should be treated with respect and customers shouldn't pay anybody for being rude to them.

Author: Lindi Brownell